Good Intentions, My Friend - 1. Story

Good Intentions, My Friend

by Tiffani Chin

 

 

“You promised it would be alright!” Terry pounded on Lawrence’s chest. “You promised me!”

Lawrence wrapped his arms around Terry’s slender body in an effort to calm his friend down down. His efforts were futile.

“I did not promise that,” Lawrence whispered softly.

Terry sobbed, his knees buckling. If it were not for Lawrence’s arms around him, he would have collapsed on the ground. “You made me do it and you said it would be OK. You said I’d be fine. You lied!” Terry screamed. “You fucking lied to me! How could you? You’ve never lied to me before.”

Lawrence looked at his friend sadly, but took a deep breath of resolve.

“How could you break your promise to me?” Terry whimpered.

“I didn’t promise you anything!” Lawrence said, louder this time and more firmly.

Terry wiggled free. His face was red and streaked with tears. He held up the white piece of paper, crumpled slightly due to his tight grip, and showed Lawrence the words, the words that would change Terry’s life forever. Or the remainder of his life.

“I’m going to die,” Terry gasped. “It’s your fault.”

“Would you prefer not knowing?” Lawrence asked quietly.

The battle of emotions could be seen on Terry’s face. “I don’t want to know that I will die! Not like this!”

“Then you would have even less chances of prolonging your life! Nowadays there are better medications…”

“You gave me a fucking death sentence!” Terry screamed hysterically, stomping his foot like a child.

Like a child.

Lawrence was sick of his best friend’s behavior. Terry had always been this way; immature, spontaneous, spoiled, and used to getting what he wanted. He was charismatic, charming, and wonderful. He was the most beautiful person Lawrence had ever laid eyes on. He was also the ugliest.

Lawrence walked closer to his friend, slowly, deliberately. Terry was still in the same spot, breathing hard, his face red, panting, fresh tears joining the old ones. Lawrence could see them trailing down his chin, down his throat, disappearing beneath his shirt collar. Lawrence’s eyes slowly traveled up to meet Terry’s beautiful green eyes; they were wide, captivating, and curious, like a cat. They were the first thing he had noticed about Terry, even when they were only seven years old.

Their faces an inch apart, Lawrence wiped away Terry’s tears, sticking his fingers into his own mouth. The salty liquid tasted good, but bitter at the same time.

“Terry. My sweet Terry,” Lawrence whispered, staring into those eyes. “I love you, you know that. You’ve always known that.”

Terry’s breathing evened, but his eyes still watered.

“I didn’t give you a death sentence,” Lawrence continued. Grabbing Terry’s chin, he stared hard into his friend’s eyes.

“You gave yourself a death sentence,” Lawrence breathed against Terry’s lips.

Terry’s eyes widened and there was a flash of anger, like he was about to argue. Lawrence firmly grasped Terry’s mouth, ensuring he couldn’t say a word. For once, Lawrence wanted Terry to listen.

“You gave yourself a death sentence. You know that, Terry.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” Terry choked, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

“How else was it supposed to turn out?” Lawrence asked gently. “I hate to say it, but you brought this on yourself. Think of your behavior over the last two years.”

“Why would you say that to me?” Terry asked with a wounded expression. Lawrence felt a pain in his stomach, as if he was staring at a kicked puppy. Still, he straightened his posture and resolved to follow through with this no matter what.

“It’s true, Terry. Look at your life these past two years. Just think about it.”

Terry didn’t answer; he stared blankly at Lawrence, his eyes glassy with tears. Finally, one tear escaped and trickled down his cheek.

“Didn’t you see this coming?” Lawrence asked sadly, as he filtered through the memories.

******

He heard the grunts. He heard the groans. He heard the moans. He heard the sounds of flesh slapping together.

He knew what was happening. It happened very often.

Lawrence sighed and sat in the living room, turning on the television to drown out the sounds. Would Terry ever learn the error of his ways?

A strangled cry and some fumbled movements later, Lawrence spotted a disheveled guy leaving his best friend’s room looking sleepy, but satisfied.

Their eyes met. “Had a good time?” Lawrence asked, raising his brow.

The guy must have detected a hint of bitterness because he blinked several times. “Umm, yeah.” He looked uncertainly at Lawrence and began edging towards the door.

Lawrence moved quickly. Just as the guy reached the door and pulled it open an inch, Lawrence slammed his hand forcefully against it. He pressed his face close and lowered his lashes menacingly.

“Did you use a condom?” Lawrence asked quietly, although he already knew the answer.

The guy took a step back. “Uh, no. No, we didn’t.”

Lawrence merely stared at him, his jaw set.

“We’re both clean,” the guy went on to explain. “Terry said he doesn’t like condoms. It feels better without them and since we’re both clean…”

“How do you know?” Lawrence interrupted.

“How do I know what?” he asked in confusion.

“How do you know Terry’s clean?” Lawrence whispered, staring intently into those brown eyes. They were wide and doe-eyed. How sweet and innocent. They were rapidly filling with apprehension.

“What do you mean?” he asked in a small voice.

“Can you really trust Terry? Can you trust the words of a stranger? Trust them with your life? Your future?” Lawrence taunted, enjoying the growing fear within the stranger. Lawrence could see it in the guy’s eyes, in the tremble of his lips, in the slight shaking of his compact body.

“I know Terry. But you don’t,” Lawrence continued. “What if he enjoys picking up little twinks like you and fucking the hell out of them? What if he doesn’t even know his health status? Did you ever wonder about that, boy?” he asked in a soft tone, cocking his head inquisitively.

“B-but,” he stammered.

“What’s your name?” Lawrence placed his hands on his hips. He adopted an authoritative attitude and it was apparently working. The smaller guy shrunk away from Lawrence.

“Jake,” he said meekly.

“Jake, I suggest you take yourself to the closest health clinic and get tested for everything under the sun. Then go to the nearest drug store and buy a jumbo pack of condoms. Protect yourself,” Lawrence said sternly. “You only get one life. Don’t think you’re invincible; no one is. Don’t fuck it up.”

Jake nodded quickly. Lawrence reached behind him and opened the door. It bumped into Jake’s back and he jumped slightly.

“You have a good evening, Jake,” Lawrence said, smiling in a friendly manner. He waved cheerfully at the stunned guy while closing the door in his face.

Lawrence sighed and rubbed his forehead before walking over to Terry’s room. The door was open and he eyed Terry’s long elegant limbs sprawled out on his bed, looking tired, but sated. He was smoking a cigarette.

Lawrence rolled his eyes; how clichéd. “Enjoy yourself?” he asked dryly.

Terry turned only his head and smiled. “Of course. College life is great. So many boys, so many asses, so many choices!”

Lawrence didn’t return the smile. “How long have we known each other, Terry?”

“Don’t ask me hard questions,” Terry sighed. “I’m high on sex.”

“We’ve known each other for fourteen years,” Lawrence answered for him. “That’s a long time. You know I care about you, right?”

“You love me,” Terry stated, staring at Lawrence with his penetrating green eyes. Those green eyes captivated everyone and anyone; it wasn’t hard to see why Terry was never in short supply of sex partners. “You’re in love with me. You say it all the time at night when you think I’ve fallen asleep.”

Lawrence hung his head. “Yes,” he said quietly. He looked up. “I want what’s best for you. I want you to be safe.”

Terry sighed and looked up at the ceiling, rolling his eyes. Terry knew what was coming next. They had been over this before.

“Why won’t you use condoms?”

Terry made a disgruntled noise.

“How many sex partners have you had since freshman year? Hell, since high school?”

“I lost count,” Terry giggled.

“How is this funny? How are you so irresponsible?” Lawrence asked in disbelief. “Don’t you care about STDs? HIV? You were there in sex-ed class.”

“Come on, I can’t remember condoms in the heat of the moment. I like living spontaneously and not worrying about anything. That has always been my style,” Terry pointed out.

“You break my heart,” Lawrence said, looking down at his feet.

That got Terry’s attention. He frowned. “What?”

“You know I love you and yet you fuck everyone in sight,” Lawrence replied with hurt in his voice. “Am I not good enough? Do you not love me back?”

“Lawrence, you know that’s not true,” Terry said. “I do love you, but not in the same way. I can’t be with you. I can’t be what you want. I’d only hurt you and you’re too important to me to risk. I’m not ready for a serious relationship. I’m not sure I ever will. I love having you in my life, but anything more than best friends would seriously fuck us up.”

Lawrence avoided his eyes, knowing that that was the truth. They could never be more than friends. But that didn’t make it any easier to accept.

“I’d never forgive you, you know,” Lawrence burst out. “When you die, I’ll never forgive you.”

“Larry, we’re all going to die. Come on now,” Terry snorted.

“No,” Lawrence said loudly. Terry’s eyes snapped to his.

“No, if you die like this, I’ll never forgive you. This can be prevented, Terry. You’re literally throwing your life away and when you die slowly, and you’re weak, I’ll have to witness it. I’ll have to help you. And on that day, when you’re six feet under, I’ll never forgive you. I’ll hate you with every fiber of my being for doing that to me. For leaving me like that.”

“You’ll never hate me,” Terry whispered, searching Lawrence’s eyes. “You’re my best friend. You love me. You would do anything for me.”

Lawrence stared back, his eyes darting back and forth. Something was going through Lawrence’s mind, Terry could see the signs.

“You’re right, Terry. You’re right. I’d do anything for you.”

Terry smiled triumphantly, his dimples showing. He was so beautiful it made Lawrence’s heart break.

“Even if I have to hurt you to show you the truth, I’ll do it. That’s how much I love you. That’s how much I cherish you,” Lawrence said in an even tone folding his arms over his chest.

“I don’t understand, Lawrence. What are you talking about?” Terry asked, finally sitting up.

Lawrence left without another word.

Terry stared after him.

******

“You’re still not talking to me?” Terry asked with his hands on his slender hips. He blocked the doorway of Lawrence’s bedroom.

Lawrence looked at him blankly, as if seeing right through him.

“C’mon man, stop ignoring me. I miss you,” Terry pouted.

“Could you move out of my way?” Lawrence asked gruffly.

“No, you’re avoiding me. Whenever I come home, you’re locked in your room or sleeping or whatever. What’s going on?”

“You don’t know?” Lawrence asked with a trace of annoyance in his voice.

“Does it have anything to do with our talk last week?” Terry threw out.

Lawrence raised his brow, seemingly impressed.

“I’m not retarded, you know,” Terry said rolling his eyes. “I do listen when you talk.”

Lawrence snorted. “Sure.”

“Come with me,” Terry said grabbing Lawrence’s hand. Lawrence frowned, but followed his friend into the next room anyway.

“I bought these,” Terry said rummaging in a drawer and producing a large box of condoms. He grinned. Lawrence didn’t return the smile.

“Oh, come on, man! It’s a start.”

“I want you to get tested,” Lawrence said firmly.

“Nah, man,” Terry said backing up. “No way.”

“Why not?” Lawrence asked, moving forward, matching Terry’s step. Terry didn’t answer and averted his eyes. Lawrence studied him. “Wait a minute. Are you, are you afraid?” he asked in disbelief.

“No,” Terry answered automatically.

“You are, aren’t you?” Lawrence pressed.

“I rather not know,” Terry stated casually, looking at his fingernails.

“You have to. Don’t be a coward.”

“I’m not a coward,” Terry snapped, his shoulders tensing.

“Then prove it,” Lawrence challenged. “Do it, Terry. Do it.”

“Or what?” Terry asked petulantly.

“I won’t talk to you. I’ll move out. I’ll never forgive you,” Lawrence explained calmly.

“No, you won’t.” Terry smiled. “I’m your best friend. You would never do anything to hurt me.”

“That was yesterday. Today you’re the jerk who is breaking my heart.” Lawrence left the room.

******

“Shouldn’t we get the results?” Lawrence asked.

Terry’s animated expression vanished and he looked up from the video game he was playing. “What’s the rush?” he asked sullenly.

“So we can find out sooner…”

“Find what out sooner?” Terry demanded, sounding hostile. “It’s as if you’re expecting bad news.”

“No,” Lawrence backpedaled. “It’s just that I’m anxious to know the results, good or bad. Isn’t it eating at you? The unknown?”

“Not really. I prefer ignorance. It’s nice living on cloud nine,” Terry snapped sarcastically. “Try it some time, Holy Lawrence.”

“Shut up. We have to get your results. There was no point in getting tested if you don’t plan on finding out.”

“Stop being so damn pushy!”

“Stop being so scared!” Lawrence yelled. “Grow up, will you?”

“I don’t have to. I’m only twenty!” Terry shot back.

“What kind of fucked up excuse is that?” Lawrence breathed incredulously.

“I don’t want to, OK?” Terry hissed, returning to his video game.

Lawrence grabbed the controller out of his friend’s hand and angrily threw it on the bed. Then he got in Terry’s face. “You’re a selfish prick. Don’t you know how much this is killing me? Huh? Do you? You know that I love you and yet you only think of yourself! If you don’t care about your own fears, care about mine will you? Let’s find out your results so I can rest easy. Ok? Please?”

The expression on Lawrence’s face must have gotten to Terry because Terry sighed and hung his head.

“Do it for me?” Lawrence asked softly.

A quiet groan escaped Terry’s lips. “Fine,” he said in an even tone.

“Now?” Lawrence asked, taking Terry’s hand and tugging gently.

Terry looked up, a hint of worry in his beautiful eyes. Lawrence felt a wave of sympathy for the boy he had loved since junior high. “You’ll go with me, right?” Terry asked in a shaky voice.

“You already knew I was coming.” Lawrence smiled.

Terry smiled back, the fear and relief written across his face.

******

“Open it.”

“I can’t!” Terry nearly shouted. “You do it.”

“They’re your results, Terry.”

“I just can’t, OK? I just can’t. I did what you wanted, but I can’t know. It’s better not knowing. Even if I die, it’s better not knowing because in the meantime, I can go on living and enjoying…”

“And infecting others!” Lawrence interrupted angrily.

“Just open it and tell me later. I’m going to take a shower,” Terry said tossing the envelope on the ground. He then spun on his heels, stalking to the bathroom. The door slammed shut. Lawrence flinched.

Lawrence bent down to pick up the slightly crumpled envelope and stared at it. He felt a dull thudding in his chest and realized it was his heart pounding. His hands felt clammy and it dampened the paper in his grip. He realized he was even more scared than Terry.

He loved Terry and while Terry could ignore the problem and keep on living with a big ignorant smile on his face, Lawrence could not. Lawrence would forever feel the pain of his best friend’s looming death. It would be held over him, a burden for the rest of his life. Lawrence could not leave Terry, but he also could not bear watching Terry die.

Glancing at the bathroom door, Lawrence heard the soothing rhythm of water pounding the tub. It sounded too even and too steady. He realized Terry was probably not showering but sitting on the cold tiles, thinking.

Stuffing the fate of Terry’s life in his pocket, he left their apartment and walked to the nearest coffee shop.

At the coffee shop, he slowly and deliberately tore open the envelope.

It was there that he would unfold the crisp white paper.

It was there that he would know reality from fantasy.

It was there that he would know truth from assumptions.

His eyes ran down the page, absorbing the abrupt words. His shoulders sagged; he rubbed his face, wondering what he’d tell Terry.

What would he tell his sweet Terry, his sweet Terry that he loved with all his heart?

******

He heard the grunts. He heard the groans. He heard the moans. He heard the sounds of flesh slapping together.

Lawrence knew what was happening. It happened very often, but this time it sickened him.

Lawrence roughly pushed down the door handle and stormed inside the room. Neither Terry nor his sex partner noticed him as he crouched right beside the moving bodies, his eyes zeroing in on the thrusting motions. He focused primarily on Terry’s thrusts and as soon as he saw the bare flesh, his eyes flashed and he felt an explosion of rage. Pacing the room, he listened to them go at it like rabbits before a thought occurred to him.

Rummaging loudly in Terry’s drawer, Lawrence finally got their attention.

“Lawrence, what the fuck?”

Lawrence ignored them and continued chucking things out of the drawer until he found what he was looking for. He threw it directly at Terry’s face. “Condoms! Know how to put one on?” he demanded.

“Lawrence,” Terry began.

“How do you do it, Terry?” Lawrence asked. “How do you live in the ‘land of make believe’ where everything is alright? What’s it like living in your mind?”

Terry didn’t answer, but at least he had the decency to stop moving. If Lawrence wasn’t so livid he would have laughed at the fact that he had barged in on Terry having sex. The guy beneath Terry looked shocked and mortified.

“Terry, you don’t even know the results,” Lawrence said quietly. “And you’re already having sex, unprotected no less. Why?”

Lawrence could see that Terry was mentally blocking out his words and he knew nothing would get through to his friend.

“What do I have to do? What do I have to do to make you see?” Lawrence asked his voice cracking. “What is wrong with you?”

“Lawrence.”

“Why do you do this?” Lawrence whispered. “Why?”

Terry never said a word. Lawrence left them alone to finish what they had started.

Lawrence looked pitifully at the pretty blond under Terry; their eyes met. He shook his head sadly before he shut the door completely.

That was the day Lawrence made the decision to help Terry no matter the cost. This was his one last chance to save his friend’s life. This was the only way, the only option, the only choice.

Lawrence packed his things in a large duffel bag and left. He had to work fast.

******

Lawrence barged right in, the smell of sex hitting his nostrils. He grimaced, but tapped Terry’s shoulder. He had to do this now. This was the only way to get through to Terry.

“Lawrence! What the fuck! Stop interrupting me while I’m having…” Terry trailed off when Lawrence shoved a piece of paper in his face.

“Read,” Lawrence hissed. “Read it now.”

Terry didn’t move as he stared at the piece of paper.

Positive.

Terry was unaware of the flurry of movement in his room. He felt himself being pushed aside. He heard yelling, but wasn’t sure if it was Lawrence or the raven haired boy, whose name he couldn’t recall at the moment.

The raven-haired boy was gesturing and saying something to him, but Terry stared dumbly, unable to process anything. Finally the brunette left. The slamming of the door shook Terry out of his trance.

Meeting Lawrence’s eyes, Terry couldn’t help sniffling. “I’m going to die.”

Lawrence didn’t blink.

“I’m going to fucking die!” Terry screamed. “Don’t you care? This is your fault! You made me go and get tested!”

Lawrence stared at him in disbelief. “I didn’t give it to you! It’s not my fault you fucked every gay guy in the dorms and a few straight ones in the process!”

“I’m going to die!” Terry shrieked. “Why?” he hollered at the ceiling.

“I’m sorry,” Lawrence whispered. “There are good drugs these days. They will prolong your…”

“What difference does it make? I’ll lose weight; I’ll be weak; I’ll die in a few years. I’ll have to live the remainder of my life waiting for death,” Terry shouted waving his arms around.

“Why did this happen? How did this happen? No, no, no!” Terry threw some books off the coffee table.

“Stop it! Would you just own up to it?” Lawrence snapped. “You did this to yourself! You’ve been having unprotected sex for years!”

Terry didn’t reply, but his shoulders shook.

“What we need to do is figure out our next step. The precautions, the drugs, the hospitals…” Lawrence listed.

“I don’t want to do any of that. Why bother? I’m just going to die anyway.”

“You can’t just give up.”

“I can.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I was already stupid. Now it’s too late.” Terry turned and fled to his room.

Despite Terry’s haste, Lawrence still spotted the wetness on his friend’s cheeks.

******

“How’d it go?” Danny asked as he sipped his beer.

“Terry’s bawling his eyes out.”

“You’re cruel, man, just cruel,” Danny chuckled dryly, his eyes heavy-lidded.

“I had to do it,” Lawrence said, rubbing his sore neck. “It was the only way to give Terry the scare he needed.”

“Dude, he thinks he’s positive,” Danny argued. “He thinks he’s going to die. How much crueler could you get?”

“How else do people make life changes? When they’ve had a brush with death, right? When they’ve seen the other side, right?” Lawrence pointed out.

“Sure.” Danny shrugged in agreement, but he didn’t look convinced. “Are you going to tell him the truth?”

“Yeah,” Lawrence said casually. “Eventually.”

“Man, you have to tell him that it’s not real. That you altered the results.”

“I didn’t alter them. I just made a different copy with different results. If Terry saw that he was negative, he’d feel invincible, like he escaped death. But no one is invincible. Maybe now he’ll be properly scared into acting smart.”

“You’re going to tell Terry soon though?” Danny asked focusing on the previous topic. “He can’t go on thinking he’s positive,” Danny said shaking his head. “That’s not right.”

“Yeah, but I need to let him stew a little bit longer,” Lawrence said. “Let it really sink in.”

Danny shot him a look.

“I know this seems really harsh, man, but it was the only way to make Terry change. I had to scare him, hurt him really badly in order to save him and his future. He may hate me, he may never forgive me, but at least he’ll be alive. At least he’ll change.”

“I don’t know if I could ever forgive a friend who did that to me,” Danny said shaking his head.

Lawrence leaned forward. “I love Terry with all of my heart,” he said quietly. “For as long as I can remember, I have loved him. How else could I have made him see?”

“I don’t know,” Danny sighed. “I hope the outcome is good, for your sake.”

“I guess I’ll see, won’t I?” Lawrence stared at his friend.

“Yeah, I guess you will.”

******

Terry stared at the photo album and flipped through the pictures. Most of them were of him and Lawrence. He had pictures with other friends and family, but the ones with Lawrence stood out the most. Lawrence loved him and if Terry admitted the truth to himself, he loved Lawrence just as much.

He needed Lawrence.

He craved Lawrence.

Now Terry was going to die. He would get weak, lose weight, have to be fed, carried around, and driven to the hospital. How could he make Lawrence shoulder that burden? Because deep in his heart, he knew Lawrence would do everything in his power to take care of him. Lawrence was someone who loved and cared for him all these years unconditionally. More so than Terry’s own family.

He wiped the hot tears before they ran down his chin. Not only did Terry ruin his own life, but he would ruin Lawrence’s life if he stuck around.

Positive.

A lifelong death sentence.

A lifelong fear of the bitter end.

A lifetime of waiting. Waiting for the inevitable.

His shoulders shook as he cupped his face in his hands, crying profusely in the safety of his own bed.

“All my fault. This is all my fault,” he whispered into the pillow that was rapidly getting soaked. “How could you have been so stupid, Terry? This is your life and now you’re going to die. For fuck sakes, you’re only twenty. You can’t even drink at a bar.” He pounded his fists on the mattress.

Terry let out a strangled moan of pain. “Why?”

He knew why. He knew how.

Wiping his eyes, he envisioned Lawrence’s face. “Oh, Larry. I’m so sorry,” Terry breathed. “I love you, too. I never said it, but I love you. I should have said it sooner. Now it’s too late.” His face crumbled. “I’m going to die.”

“I can’t even be with you now because it’s too late,” Terry wailed in the emptiness of their apartment. “How you must hate me. How I must disgust you.”

He needed to leave.

He needed to get away.

Rolling off his bed, he crawled to his shoes and put them on. Grabbing the photo album, he walked outside.

The air smelled sweet and warm, with a hint of charcoal as people were having their summer barbecues. Laughter rang out in the distance. Terry smiled briefly when he heard children’s giggles and shrieks. Life. That was the sound of life.

The scents and sounds of life made his eyes well with tears. Terry had no more life. The sand had run out; he had no more time left.

As he got into his car, he spied a small boy running by carrying a basketball. The boy stared at Terry with big, beautiful eyes. Eyes full of innocence and joy.

“Bye-bye,” the boy called out in a small cheerful voice, flapping his hand in an enthusiastic wave. “Bye-bye Mister.”

Terry smiled through his tears. “Good-bye, kiddo. Take care of yourself.”

The little boy stared after him, even as he drove off.

******

 

Terry balanced the photo album on his lap and flipped through the pages as he drove.

Lawrence’s smile was so big and so bright. Terry had never noticed before.

Lawrence’s eyes were so rich and vibrant. Why hadn’t Terry stared into them before?

Lawrence was alive and beautiful. Why hadn’t Terry admitted his love earlier?

“Stop crying, you baby. Be strong. It is what it is,” Terry hissed to himself, angrily wiping at the fresh batch of tears. He wiped the drops off the pictures, so he could stare clearly at Lawrence’s face.

A thought occurred to him; it was important.

Fishing out his phone, he slowed down so he could type and use his knee to manipulate the steering wheel. His fingers flew over the keys until he had sent his message: I love you. I will love you forever.”

He waited as the message went through before another thought occurred to him. He started typing again. He pressed sent: I am in love with you. Please don’t hate me. Please forgive me.

Snapping his phone shut, he threw it on the passenger seat. He continued driving, the warm air whipping through his hair, caressing his skin, making him feel both peaceful and sad. Closing his eyes, he sighed and inhaled deeply.

When Terry opened his eyes, he saw oncoming headlights. The first car he had encountered on this long empty road. He was confused.

“Why are you out here?” Terry whispered. “Why are you on this road? This road leads to Hell.” His eyes were trained on the headlights as they grew brighter and brighter, nearly blinding him.

Terry didn’t notice the flashing blue light on his passenger seat. He didn’t notice the picture caller ID on the small screen. He didn’t notice any of that; his attention was focused elsewhere.

“Beautiful Lawrence,” Terry whispered glancing down at the picture, mesmerized by Lawrence’s face. “I gave myself this death sentence,” he took a deep breath. “And I accept responsibility. For the first time in my life, I accept responsibility. I hope you’re proud of me, Lawrence.”

Grabbing the wheel, he jerked it to the left and sped up, the blood howling in his ears, his heart pounding in his chest. His foot arched as he pressed harder on the gas.

He ceased hearing. He ceased thinking. He ceased feeling.

Terry continued until he saw the bright explosion of light, followed by complete darkness.

******

 

 

© 2009 Tiffani Chin

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