From Behind Those Eyes - 19. Chapter 19

“Are you alright?” I asked him when he still hadn’t said anything.

“Alright? So much better than that,” Jesse answered, still breathless, before echoing my own question back at me. “Are you alright baby?”

Was I alright, I wondered, as I took a minute to think over what had just happened. I looked over at Jesse lying there naked and next to me, his chest still rising and falling in a way that told me he was still trying to catch his breath, and I blushed as it finally registered in my mind that I had done it.

I had finally done it, and I loved it too. Not so much the act itself, although that had its’ own upside also, but this… right now, the way he was smiling, like pure ecstasy had taken over his body and the way his face and chest were flushed like he had been exerting himself in some way. I guess I had been worried all along that I wouldn’t be good enough to make him feel like he made me feel, but I think I decided after a few tentative movements on my part that so long as I didn’t bite him or anything, he would love what I was doing to him.

And he did too or at least the sounds that he was making and the way he seemed to not be able to keep his hips down on the bed led me to believe that he did. It was amazing too, being able to make someone feel so unbelievably good that they can’t control themselves, and if I could just get myself to quit grinning at him like I was proud of myself that would be good.

My jaw ached a little, but in that good way, reminding me continually that I had finally done it, provoking my smile again. It seemed like a never ending circle in my mind, but I decided I didn’t care so much any more when his mouth roughly landed over mine in a kiss that made it clear he wasn’t through with me yet. I pulled his body over mine and I had been realizing more and more lately that I liked it here, underneath him, his body covering my own, my legs wrapped around him holding him close to me.

He was already naked, and it wasn’t long before he made sure I was in the same state, as he worked his way down from that spot on my neck and across my chin, sucking on my throat, before his lips traveled across my chest landing first over one nipple and then moving back across to the other as I sucked in a breath, willing myself to hold still. I hadn’t realized it while I was busy with his sizeable erection in my mouth, but now I could feel how painfully hard I was, and the fact that it seemed like he was purposefully avoiding any contact with my lower region was driving me crazy.

I just wanted him to touch it, stroke it, suck it, something… I needed something and now but I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t bring myself to ask him for anything. Besides, it was almost as exciting in my mind to wait and see what he would do, if I could hold out long enough. He was just frustratingly moving back and forth between my nipples and they were so sensitive, I could feel my cock jump each time his fingertips would brush over one, or the way he would roll the firm nub that stood up begging for some attention between his fingers before returning to the one he had just left behind only moments ago.

I’m pretty sure that it was a good thing we were here alone, cause at some point I realized the moaning I was hearing in my head was actually happening, and coming from my own mouth and I had stopped myself from reaching out and taking matters into my own hands at least twice now as my tightly closed fist lay on my stomach diligently. He was kissing me, gently sucking that skin on my neck into his mouth, my earlobe gently between his teeth, his fingers working my nipples dutifully, as I held on to him for dear life.

I was sure if I let go of him I would explode, so instead my own fingertips were digging steadily into his own back when I felt his hand finally brush across my thigh. So close, he was so close, and it was that feeling of almost agony and yet it was so good too. I groaned out loud, needing the contact more and more, the friction, I wanted his hand on my dick now. His hand brushed my thigh again, this time more to the inside and involuntarily I spread my legs further apart.

I definitely wasn’t thinking too clearly at this point, but I could have sworn I heard him chuckle when I did that, but then again, who could tell with the incoherent noises I was making? His hand landed roughly on my calf before it seemed to trace its’ way up my bent leg, gradually getting closer and closer to giving me what I wanted so badly and eventually it lightly traveled across that tender skin of my inner thigh before I felt him take my balls into his hand and roll them around in his palm.

I know I gasped out loud that time, but I suddenly didn’t care anymore because the added sensation, along with his tongue tracing circles around my nipple, only to occasionally let it slip across it, was almost too much to handle. I knew if he touched me it wouldn’t be long until this was all over, but then again, I think that’s what I wanted, wasn’t it? This was making me delirious in its’ own way, but then again, did I ever want it to stop?

I couldn’t even concentrate on that one thought long enough to form an opinion one way or the other because his hand had finally managed to find its’ way to my dick, but only momentarily, as he only lightly traced it as it stood up begging for more. My whole body seemed to scream out at the sensation, but more out of further expectation, than relief, as his fingers gently traced circles around the head of my cock before moving down slowly until he finally grasped it fully in his hand.

I was too lost to know what I wanted, so many different sensations passing through my body all at once, but I knew that I appreciated the pressure he was finally applying to my dick as he started stroking it up and down slowly. It was almost too much for me to take, the need my body had, in conflict with the way I never wanted this to end, but I knew it couldn’t last forever as I felt myself getting closer and closer to the edge, to ecstasy and relief.

Jesse must have realized that I was moving closer to that point too as my body started to rise up to meet his hand with each stroke it provided before he so casually, as if he had done this a thousand times before, slipped his mouth over my waiting cock. I groaned out a sound that would have caused anyone else hearing it to be concerned as I felt his lips tighten around the base of my cock, applying an intense feeling as he buried the rest of it deep in his throat and then I felt it, starting deep inside of me and as it spread from that warm place where he was sucking throughout my body as I finally got the relief I had been waiting for, an intense feeling rushing through me, like nothing I had ever felt, before my body and mind both finally exploded from the attention he had been giving me.

I guess I missed it as I was trying to catch my breath, but I realized that at some point, Jesse had crawled back up my body and was nuzzling into my neck. I managed to turn my body toward his, as exhausted as I was, before I pulled him into my arms and promptly fell asleep with his head resting against my bare chest.

Sean and Jules arrived the next morning around ten with bags of decorations and all kinds of food and drinks for the party. It was a good thing that she had called us about fifteen minutes before they arrived to let us know they were almost there, because otherwise we would have still been asleep after the previous nights’ exertions and who knows what they would have found had they just come walking in.

Jules was more than impressed with the lake house and the size the down stairs area provided us with as she tried to decide where to hang the huge Happy Birthday banner she had brought. Actually, Jesse and I were hanging it while she ordered us to raise or lower our respective corners an infinite amount of times before it was perfect. She had apparently arranged for Bobby to bring the balloons when he came which was a surprise in itself since he had somehow managed to talk his mom into letting him borrow her car on a Saturday night, to go to a party no less.

Bobby arrived around three that afternoon, and after delivering the ice to the kitchen and the balloons to Jules, he headed straight for the stereo and began to compile some sort of plan for the music that night. At some point Jesse and I each managed to shower and were both dressed and ready to entertain guests by four that afternoon. It turned out that since most of the people coming had a midnight curfew, and the lake house was a good two hour drive from home, that most people would be leaving by ten that night and Jules had managed to get immunity from her curfew for the night so long as she made it home by the time her mom was up the next morning.

I decided I was actually excited to see who showed up for my birthday party and I was ready to have some fun after all the crap that had happened over the last week, I was really ready for this party. I didn’t ever party all that much, I had been to a few, but I learned early on that it was dangerous for me to go, parties were just a place where too many people got drunk and did too many stupid things. That was something I wasn’t about to let happen, and so I just stayed away usually.

Sean found me out on the back balcony, sort of daydreaming I guess, when he asked, “Excited?”

I turned and smiled at him, I really was excited. “Yeah, I am actually. This is gonna be a good night.”

“Oh really? Anything in particular happening or just ready to party?” he asked me casually as we stood there leaning against the balcony in the late afternoon.

“Totally ready, and who knows, it might just be fun too,” I decided out loud before we headed inside to see if everything was ready.

..................

Hi Mom… It’s late Sunday night, and I really should be trying to get some sleep since I have school tomorrow, but I just can’t. I can’t even imagine the possibility right now of closing my eyes and getting myself to relax enough to actually fall asleep. I already tried anyway, and all that happens is that I lie here and stare at the ceiling and remember last night. It was amazing, unreal, and just totally… perfect.

It’s my birthday today and Jules and Jesse threw me a big party yesterday. Jesse’s mom and dad let us use their house on the lake and it was so awesome. A bunch of people showed up and we danced and just hung out and had fun. There was some food and Jules’ mom made a cake like always. Not a bad way to spend my eighteenth birthday but then the night just got so much better, I still can’t even believe it happened the way it did.

So everyone was just hanging out and talking, dancing and Bobby was taking care of the music while Jules made sure that people had enough to drink and eat and Sean was helping Jesse make sure no one was doing anything too dumb since we had promised his parents we would keep everyone under control, which proved to be a difficult task at times, like when Rachel convinced Melodie that she wanted to go skinny dipping in the hot tub, and while most of the team that showed up was more than ready for that to happen, Jules finally convinced them that now would be a bad time to do that.

At some point, Jesse finally told Bobby to go dance with Kelly, the really pretty blond girl who had been hanging around him all night, clearly waiting for a chance to get closer to him. She was flirting like crazy and he looked stuck so I guess Jesse took pity on him, but I could tell Jesse really wanted to dance too. I finally convinced him to put on some mixed dance CD’s and then he got to dance with Rachel and a few other girls he knew from school.

Jules walked up to Jesse later in the evening while Sean and I were talking to some of the guys on the team. “Hey Jesse, you look like you want to dance,” she pointed out. The way he was standing there bopping to the music was probably a give away and I guess she must have noticed.

“Yeah, I really love dancing actually,” he told her.

“So dance with me,” she offered. I saw his smile from across the room as he turned to check where I was before accepting her invitation. It turned out that a slower song came on randomly and so they were dancing close enough to be talking and she was even laughing at something he said. He looked so happy, beautiful really, the way his smile lit up his face, his eyes smiling as he laughed along with her.

There was a small table in the corner where a few people had stacked some gifts for me and Jules insisted that I open them even though I wanted to wait till later. She was persuasive enough though, so I opened them. She and Sean gave me a scrapbook she had made for me with all the articles from every newspaper I had ever been in. It was amazing; she had pictures of all my little league teams and me in my little uniforms since I was a kid. I knew it had taken her a long time and it was so great.

Rachel gave me a couple of CD’s and the guys on the team got me some hats and some games. Melodie bought me a shirt and then, when I was going to open Bobby’s gift, he was snickering, like he knew something no one else did. I was only partly wondering what that was all about until I realized what he had given me was the jumbo size box of condoms along with some strict instructions to use them. I tried not to blush a ridiculous shade of red when all the guys on the team started whooping and making some obscene gestures.

When Jules realized it was about nine-thirty and that most everyone would have to leave soon so she tried to collect everyone again so we could have birthday cake which seemed like something no one was interested in since Bobby was now making out with Kelly and a couple of the guys on the team had attached themselves to girls who were there also, but eventually they all came around singing a horrible rendition of Happy Birthday before I made my proverbial wish and blew out the candles.

I looked up and winked at Jesse which caused him to smile again. I was never going to get tired of seeing that smile on his face, not ever. We had the cake Jules’ mom had made, just like every year, and then a few people started to head home. More people followed in the next half hour explaining that if they weren’t home in time, they would probably never be allowed to leave the house again till they turned eighteen themselves leaving Sean and Jules, Bobby without Kelly who sadly had to leave, Jesse and myself.

Bobby had sort of cranked up the music while I tried to help Jules and Jesse clean up a little before they insisted I sit down since it was my party and I shouldn’t have to clean up myself. So instead, I sat down with Bobby and looked through the scrapbook while he tried to suggest potential candidates I could break in that gigantic box of condoms with. The only problem with everyone he was suggesting was that they were all girls, and then there was my boyfriend.

I heard my name being called. “Stephen, can you come here a second?” Jesse asked from upstairs. I closed the book and laughed at Bobby again before I headed upstairs to find Jesse. I didn’t even make it all the way to the top before Jesse was heading down.

He stopped next to me and smiled shyly before he handed me a small box with a red ribbon wrapped around it, his hands lingering in mine longingly, and then said, “Happy Birthday Baby, I love you,” and headed down stairs, leaving me standing there alone on the stairs holding his gift. I sat down on the steps and just held the box in my hands for a minute, wondering what was inside or when he had the time to even go get me a gift.

I fingered the red bow before I gently tugged on one of the loose ends and watched the perfect bow untie and the ribbon fall in my lap. I lifted the lid carefully, not sure what I expected to find inside. There was a note on top of some tissue paper I assumed held the gift and I put the box down so I could unfold the note and read it.

I have one just like this and I’m wearing it right now. They’re a matching set, like we are. I hope you will wear it and remember I love you. Happy Birthday Baby.

I giggled at how sweet Jesse was as I folded the note back up and carefully unwrapped the tissue paper to reveal a necklace. It was black leather with a silver rectangular charm that was engraved, except it didn’t have my name on it, it had Jesse’s instead. I figured the one he was wearing had my name on it and I decided that I liked that as I slipped it over my head, smiling. I made sure to put the note and the red ribbon in the box and I took it into Jesse’s room and added the box to the pile of presents I realized had been moved into his room also.

I headed back downstairs to find Jesse; I just wanted to hug him forever for being about the sweetest guy ever. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I noticed that things had calmed down some now and that Jules and Sean were snuggled up on a big chair. I figured that they probably hadn’t spent much time together all night, just like Jesse and I hadn’t been able to either, the way he had been working to make the party go smoothly and I had been entertaining people.

I just sort of stood there for a minute and watched. Jules and Sean were cuddling and laughing, they looked really happy together and I was so glad that she finally gave him a chance. Jesse was sitting with Bobby looking at the scrapbook that was still open on Bobby’s lap and they were laughing and talking about my pictures and how we had played baseball together for years. Bobby was a friend I had had almost as long as I had been friends with Jules, I realized, as I stood there watching my closest friends sitting together.

Jesse’s feet were tapping against the floor to the beat of the song that was playing on the radio, his fingers were tapping against his own thigh, and he looked fantastic. I had been trying not to stare at him from across the room all night, but now, from my spot at the bottom of the stairs, I could look freely and appreciate what I saw. I noticed, peeking out from the collar of the shirt he wore, was the black leather necklace and I absent mindedly fingered the one I had just put on as I decided it was time.

I walked over to where Jesse and Bobby were sitting and when I was standing directly in front of them they both looked up at me, my eyes were only on Jesse though as Bobby wondered why I was standing in front of him and Jesse silently questioned me. I had decided it was time, time to be honest to my closest friends, to do all I could to show Jesse that I loved him just as much as he loved me and that I wasn’t ashamed or scared of that fact.

“Dance with me?” I asked him as I held out my hand to him. He looked at me, trying to figure out if he had just heard what he thought he heard before silently asking me if I was sure this was what I wanted to do. I knew it was and I smiled at him, my eyes locked on his, as I tried to reassure him that this was really happening.

“Please Jess,” I almost whispered. He seemed to be more worried about how the people in the room would react to what I was doing than the fact that I had basically just asked him to forget them all and focus on me, but he slowly reached out and grabbed my hand as I pulled him up off the couch.

“Dude, what are you doing?” Bobby asked, laughing at what he apparently thought was a joke.

“Dancing… on my birthday, with my boyfriend,” I admitted out loud to him for the first time, but I didn’t wait for his reaction. Instead, I led Jesse over to a place where there was a little bit of room and slid my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me as his arms circled my neck loosely.

Bobby seemed confused still as he watched the whole thing happen before his eyes. I didn’t even really notice though because I was so focused on Jesse. I was reassuring him that this was what I wanted, that I was okay with this, that I loved him and I didn’t care if Bobby knew it.

“I can’t believe you just did that,” Jesse said so quietly as he smiled like it was the best thing that ever happened.

“Thanks for the necklace Jess, I really love it, and the party too. The whole weekend has been great and seeing you smile like that is the best present I’ve gotten,” I told him as he managed to lay his head on my shoulder, losing himself in this perfect moment.

We stood there together, close to each other, lost in our moment, slowly swaying back and forth and I absorbed every second of those few minutes, every detail about Jesse. His head resting on my shoulder, his hair tickling my neck, his smile, his eyes that told me this small gesture meant more to him than anything I could ever say or give him, and I was glad I finally was ready to give it to him.

When the song ended Jesse sort of stepped back a little and looked over at Bobby who had finally figured out this wasn’t some joke and that what he had just seen explained a lot about what had been going on with me over the past few weeks. I caught a glimpse of Jules and Sean smiling at me like they were so happy I was brave enough to be who I was, at least to the people that meant the most to me. Jesse looked over at Bobby and watched him as he walked out the door before he urged me to go after my friend and that he would be right here waiting for us to come back.

I followed Bobby outside onto the balcony and discovered that it was really cold out here at this time of night, but I had to do this so I walked over to where he was leaning against the railing staring out into the night.

“Hey,” I said gracefully. I was sort of trying to figure out if he was angry or upset or what he was feeling since he obviously wasn’t smiling or congratulating me.

“How come you didn’t tell me Stephen?” he asked me, the hurt in his voice evident along with the fact that he called me Stephen and he hadn’t done that since the fifth grade.

“What was I supposed to say?” I argued, trying not to be defensive at the same time.

“You could’ve told me you know,” he informed me in a way that said he was more hurt that I hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him. I wondered if he knew that everyone else in the room already knew, if he had figured that out yet, and suddenly I felt a little bit guilty for not giving him the benefit of the doubt.

“Maybe I should have,” I agreed quietly, “but I was sort of busy admitting it to myself.”

“How long have you known?” he asked me. I wondered briefly if this was the part where he accuses me of using our friendship to get to get a good look at his goods.

“A while,” I admitted. “Are you cool with this Bobby?” I asked him, really needing to know if this was gonna be the end of an almost lifelong friendship. “I mean, you seemed pretty cool about it when you just thought it was Jesse… but maybe that’s different than us together…,” I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

“The gay thing, I don’t care about that, but dude, you lied to me. I stuck up for you when people were saying that something was going on with you guys after the fight at Joey’s. I just..... I never thought you'd lie to me,” Bobby said, and every word stung as I heard it come out of his mouth. He was right, he had defended me, blindly, unconditionally, and without even so much as a doubt in his mind about me or my motivation.

“I had to Bobby. I couldn’t even admit it to myself at first. Things happened really fast with Jess and... I don’t know, I just couldn’t find the right words to tell you. I mean, people drop you so fast when they find out you’re… gay,” I managed to get out, the end of my explanation much more difficult to admit out loud to him. “I couldn’t take it if you did that to me.”

“Okay wait a minute. You know me; I’ve been your friend for like… ever. I'd never just drop you man and you know it. Friends always, that’s what we said right?” he questioned me and I nodded sheepishly, knowing he was right and I had let him down, doubting his sincerity. “I'll always be here man. I don’t care if you’re gay. Just… don’t lie to me. I can’t deal with that.”

“Okay,” I said, mostly because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. “Are we cool then?” I asked, looking for some sort of assurance from him, some clear statement that I could hang onto.

“Yeah, we’re cool,” he said flashing me a small smile and I grinned, glad to know, really know, that my friend was able to stick by me now that he knew everything about who I was.

“It’s fucking freezing out here, “I pointed out as I shivered. “Want to head back inside?” I suggested, hoping he would agree.

“Yeah, let’s go,” he said as he headed for the door.

I grabbed his shoulder and stopped him before he reached the door and he turned around, looking at me questioningly as I said, “Bobby, I’m sorry. I swear, no more lies.”

He pulled me into a hug, and not one of those ones that guys do where they are slapping each other on the back because they are clearly uncomfortable hugging another guy, but a real hug, and I saw Jesse and Jules and Sean all smiling through the window. “So, Jesse huh?” he asked, only the slightest bit of teasing evident in his tone, and I blushed furiously, so grateful for the darkness.

“Yeah… Jesse,” I grinned. I couldn’t help it, it was that smile that you get when you remember something about the person you love or something cute they did, the smile that takes over your face when you don’t even know it or were least expecting it, and you couldn’t stop it or hide it, even if you wanted to, which of course, you never would.