From Behind Those Eyes - 17. Chapter 17

Why are you sitting here with this faggot anyway?

Those words were echoing through my head loudly and it didn’t even take me a full minute before I was on my feet, standing up so quickly, and my chair went sliding hard into the counter that Joey stood behind looking quite worried. This was going to stop… now. No more harassment, no more name calling, no more weak insults tossed around as if they were nothing or left no lasting damage.

“Tim… man, you need to shut the fuck up… now,” I ordered in a voice that made it quite clear that I wasn’t about to budge on this, but it seemed that his over inflated ego made it impossible for him to hear it.

“Dude, what’s your problem? Get your shit and come sit with us, with the team.” Tim replied, oblivious to my current state of anger which only caused it to become more severe. I stepped around from behind the table in an effort to make it clear to Tim that I wasn’t about to be ordered around by some egotistical asshole when Sean stood up looking quite worried.

“Tim, why don’t you go back to your table and we’ll talk to you later, alright?” Sean asked, obviously trying to diffuse the situation before it got any more out of hand. I wasn’t sure if he did it of his own accord or if Jules had used her influence, but Sean was on his feet and joining my defense and I appreciated it, no matter how he got there.

“Sean, come on, we’re not at school now, you don’t have to be nice to the queer,” Tim pointed out.

I took another step in Tim’s direction and while I was definitely bigger than him by a good six inches and probably thirty pounds, I didn’t normally go around picking fights with people. I took a minute to look over at Jesse who remained quietly in his seat, probably in an attempt to not draw anymore attention to himself or this situation that was not improving at all.

“I think you’re the one with the problem here Tim,” I pointed out. “The only one going anywhere is you,” I said challengingly.

Apparently Tim didn’t like being told what to do, so instead of backing off and leaving us alone, my previous statement just made things worse. He was up next to me by now, his chest puffed out, and about as full of hot air as the rest of him. Bobby stood up and was quickly between us trying to separate us some before this ended up with one or both of us bleeding and on the ground.

“He’s just a faggot Cooper, who gives a shit about him?” Tim asked, trying to justify his behavior. I did give a shit though, and I intended to make that point crystal clear. Jesse was going to be hanging around us and I was going to make sure that this little scene never had a repeat performance if I could help it.

“Tim, don’t make me tell you again. Get the fuck outta here. I’m where I want to be and I don’t need you to rescue me or whatever it is you think you’re trying to do. Just… back off,” and that was an order. That was a pretty definite statement on my part, and while it was absolutely true, it would be hard to give him any justification as to why without having to tell him about me.

“Okay guys, come on… chill out okay?” Bobby attempted to reason with both of us. “You know Coach will freak if he hears about this,” he reminded us and he was right. I didn’t want this to get out of hand and it was rapidly approaching that point already, or piss off Coach, but this was more important to me right now than any baseball game ever would be.

Bobby looked almost desperate, his eyes darting back and forth between Tim and I as we stood there, neither of us intending to back down. Tim snorted at the idea; just walking away from me, while I kept my eyes locked intently on his trying to convey the seriousness of the situation, that there was no possibility of me letting this go either.

A bunch of guys had gathered around us, making it all the more difficult for Tim to walk away from it all. I didn’t think he would from the beginning, and now I was sure of it, there was no way his ego would let him. I could hear the whispers from the people as they crowded around us, wondering if this heated exchange of words was going to be upgraded to a physical exchange of opinions.

“Last chance Cooper,” Tim taunted. “Or are you a faggot too?”

That was it. What I had been waiting for, I had been expecting it too, but I don’t think that as much as I had considered it a possibility from the first moment I realized that Jesse was the mystery boy that afternoon in the library, that anything could have readied me for the feelings I was currently experiencing. There was no amount of mental preparations that would have been enough for me, and hearing him call me that…

It’s strange, but hearing him call Jesse a faggot made me angry, I worried about him and his feelings, but hearing him call me one caused me to react much differently. I had mixed feelings of rage, pride, anger, love for Jesse, all fighting to get to the surface with my brain in the background screaming to be careful, not to give anything away.

I wanted to scream at him… YES! I am. I’m gay and I love Jesse. I wanted to tell him that I was happier than he would ever be being Jesse’s boyfriend, but in the end this is what came out of my mouth instead.

“Why? You interested?” I retorted while Tim appeared so shocked and horrified at my suggestion that he couldn’t even respond. “You know what Tim… why don’t you do us all a favor and just fuck off!”

It was all kind of a blur after that, it happened so fast. Before I realized what had happened, I was sitting in the passenger side of my own truck, being driven to the emergency room by a very worried Jesse. I was more pissed off though; that it had come to this… me leaning against the window with a blood covered towel over my right eye, applying pressure as I had been instructed to do by Joey, as my boyfriend rescued me and drove me to the hospital.

Tim took a swing at me and it all ended pretty quickly with me lying on the floor bleeding and Jesse and Jules freaking out while Joey escorted Tim out of his establishment. I say escorted, but it was more like he grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged him out the door, depositing him in the parking lot. I tried telling them I was fine, but I think all the blood just freaked them out.

There were so many things wrong with this situation in my head that I couldn’t even begin to sort it out. There was the phone call Jesse had made to my dad explaining that he needed to meet us at the hospital emergency room and the five minutes of assurances that I was fine but that I should be checked out. There was the way I felt like, after all that had happened, nothing had changed. I hadn’t solved anything and this was going to keep happening and that frustrated me even more as I sat there anxiously waiting for the doctor to bring back my release papers and give me the okay to head home.

I didn’t know exactly what my motivations for getting so involved in such an obviously charged situation were anyway, but I had hopes. I had hoped that maybe Tim would back off and then other people would take the hint and not try to follow in his footsteps, I had hoped that Jesse would get hassled less because of it, and that people would realize we were friends and get used to seeing us together, but in the end, all I got was a headache, and a pissed off boyfriend, and five stitches right above my right eyebrow.

My dad rushed over to the hospital and was waiting outside the door for us when we arrived and I think after he saw me walk up his emotions changed from fear and worry, since he could clearly see I was at least well enough to walk, to anger and confusion. I had never been in a fight before, so this was something unusual for us both.

“Are you alright?” he asked me, worried.

“Yeah Dad, I’m fine,” I said, “but Jesse thought we should come,” I huffed out, not because I was mad at Jesse, but because this had happened at all.

“Well, he was right. Thanks Jesse, for calling me, and for getting him here. Are you alright?” my dad asked him genuinely. My dad knew how we felt about each other and I guess that made Jesse important to him as well.

Jesse nodded saying, “It was no problem, and yeah, I’m fine.”

“So which one of you wants to tell me what happened?” my dad asked once we were all seated in the waiting room, giving us both a look that clearly said we would be telling him.

We proceeded to wait an hour before a nurse finally came out and led us back to an area where she promised a doctor would be in to see us shortly and we used that hour to try and explain what had happened earlier that night with Tim and how that led to me ending up here bleeding from the head. Jesse was quiet most of the time as I tried to explain what had occurred and get that look that had appeared on my dad’s face to go away.

I’m pretty sure he was just worried about my safety and that it would be difficult for me, if I did come out, but I hadn’t really even been thinking about myself when I decided to take on Tim and his over abundance of bullshit. My dad said he was going to go in search of some coffee while we waited for the doctor, leaving Jesse and I sitting here, this overpowering silence that seemed to grow larger and larger with every second, between us.

It had been quiet on the ride over here to the hospital, but that was mostly because I was too angry to think clearly, and I think when I snapped at Jesse after the fourth time he asked me if I was okay, he decided to give up for a while on getting me to talk about what had just happened. I was looking at him, wanting to say so many things but not being able to form a comprehensible thought and I was sure that anything I did say wouldn’t come out right anyway.

I wanted to apologize for failing, for not protecting him from people like Tim, for not being strong enough, for looking weak. I didn’t even know where to begin with it all, but I figured that whatever I did, it would require speaking.

“I’m sorry Jess,” I said quietly, partly because we were in a hospital of sick people, partly because my head was still hurting, and partly because I was ashamed.

“Don’t,” he said firmly. “Just don’t apologize okay.”

“But…” was all I managed to get out before he cut me off. I decided I better just shut up and listen to him once I saw the way he was looking at me. It left no room for argument from me so that’s exactly what I did.

“You don’t get to feel guilty here okay?” he sighed. “Look, you don’t have to protect me. I appreciate that you want to, but… I can take care of myself. It’s just… not your responsibility.”

That sounded a bit harsh to me. He was my boyfriend, the guy I loved, and I wasn’t going to just let someone harass him, or worse. I’m sure he could at least understand that much, that there had to be some instances where I was allowed to be appalled or feel like I wanted to protect someone who means so much to me.

“Look, I know Tim’s an asshole, he is always saying shit to me,” Jesse informed me. “He’s a lost cause, and I don’t especially enjoy watching you get hurt.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do?” I demanded, feeling put out by this whole thing, including Jesse lecturing me. “I’m not just gonna let him say stuff like that about you, about us,” I said, lowering my voice a little, “ and I was there with you, so I wasn’t about to leave you to go sit with that asshole,” I added as if that much should have been obvious to him.

“You are supposed to think… I mean, are you going beat up everyone who calls you a name or says something shitty to you?” he questioned me condescendingly.

Well, no, I wasn’t, but… this was different… I think. I guess it never occurred to me how much I really cared what everyone thought about me, and while that wasn’t even remotely my motivation for this whole confrontation with Tim, I think a little piece of me was trying to make it easier on myself at the same time.

Sometimes the doubt that fills my mind can be overpowering and as I sat there on the gurney, my long legs dangling over the edge, in the emergency room, my need to defend Jesse, and by association myself, and my need to be accepted colliding, I didn’t have an acceptable excuse for my behavior earlier that night. Maybe I had lost my way somehow. I guess that Jesse could sense the conflict going on in my head as he walked over to me from where he had been seated in one of those awful gray chairs that I think are a requirement for every hospital waiting room.

“It’s scary, you know?” he asked causing me to look up at him questioningly. “Loving something so much, wanting to keep it forever, keep it safe…,” he trailed off softly.

This was all so new to me, and not just the gay part, but the relationship part too. Considering someone else’s feelings, putting their happiness on a level playing field with your own, learning to communicate and open up even when you’re terrified of the response you might get, terrified of rejection. There were so many things I never had to worry about when it was just me by myself.

“Yeah,” I agreed. I knew just what he meant. He was always on my mind, in my thoughts, and he was right, it was scary, not having any control, no sure way to know that this person that means so much to you, this one special person you love so much, with every part of you, would always be safely by your side. “I’m sorry I scared you,” I offered genuinely, “and thanks, for everything you did tonight.”

He shrugged, like he had a choice in the matter as his fingers gingerly touched the area right above my newly acquired stitches causing me to wince slightly. I’m sure it was totally a uncontrolled reaction, because I quickly realized that I couldn’t really feel it where he was touching me gently since the doctor had numbed the area before stitching it up.

“Does it hurt?” he asked when he saw me wince at his touch.

“Not really, I just thought it would, but it doesn’t, at least not right now,” I explained as he nodded slightly before gently pressing his forehead to my own from where he stood in front of me.

My dad managed to reappear about this time saying, “Hey guys, I ran into the doctor outside and…,” he stopped abruptly as he entered our makeshift room, curtains hanging around us, separating us from the rest of the unfortunate people that found themselves here in the emergency room on a Saturday night. “Oh, sorry,” he said as he turned to walk out.

“No Dad, it’s fine,” I said as Jesse backed away from where he had been standing and took the seat next to me. “What did the doctor say?”

“Oh, right,” he said trying to get his thoughts together. “He said you’re free to go home now,” as he waved my release papers and care instructions in his hand.

“Cool,” I said simply as I slowly stood up.

“Jesse, would you mind driving Stephens’ truck back to our house? I really don’t want to leave it here overnight,” my dad explained when we were outside, “and then why don’t you just spend the night, since it’s so late already,” he added.

Jesse looked from my dad to me and then back again, almost in disbelief, before he smiled gently and said, “Sure, thanks.”

We followed my dad back to the house and after listening to a few instructions about my pain medication and not getting my cut wet; we headed to bed, only then realizing that it was already three in the morning, as I was becoming more and more aware of the dull ache in my head that was starting to throb.

Jesse was sitting on the edge of my bed when I reentered the room carrying the shirt I wore all night in my hand. He looked exhausted, not from over exertion, but more from the over emotional night that we had. I felt bad. I knew I had at least partially caused the look he had currently, as I guiltily ran my hand through my thick hair and sighed. He looked up at me when I came into the room and the way his eyes surveyed my bare chest as I walked over to the hamper where I deposited the shirt wasn’t lost on me. I was glad to know that even in my tattered state; he still liked what he saw.

He smiled at me briefly, his blue eyes beckoning me, before saying, “Come here.”

I walked over to where he was seated and took hold of the outstretched hand he was offering me, before he dutifully used it to pull me to him, hugging my body. His head pressed against my stomach as his arms snaked around my waist and my fingers threaded through his fine golden strands of hair as I felt his warm breath tickling the toned skin of my abdomen.

He let out a content sigh as his arms pulled me closer to him before he placed gentle kisses all over my stomach causing my sharp intake of breath. I could feel my own excitement growing each time his soft lips brushed against my skin, his hands gripping my waist in an effort to maneuver my body in the direction he wanted. He pulled back from me as he used his grip on me to back me up just a step, allowing him some room to work, as he reached up to unbutton my jeans, only briefly pausing to glance at me for approval.

“Let’s get you ready for bed,” he suggested quietly as his fingers worked diligently at getting my zipper down. His fingers almost kneaded the tender skin that made up my waist once that obstacle was out of his way and he wasted no time slipping his hands below the waistline of my jeans. He pulled me toward him again as his forehead came to rest gently against the firm muscles that rippled the skin of my stomach while I felt his warm palms as they slid in between my pants and my boxers cupping my ass firmly.

Slowly, his hands made their way down the backs of my thighs in one slow and steady motion, until I realized my jeans had went along with them as I felt them pool around my ankles before I stepped casually out of them. There was no hiding the affect of his touch on my bare skin, or the way the shallow breaths we were both taking made us seem almost light headed, as he lightly brushed more kisses across my stomach, his hands gliding back up the backs of my legs and over my cotton covered cheeks once more.

His hands were cold as I felt them land on my back again, but I shook off that sensation as a new one overtook me when they continued their way up my naked torso coming over my strong shoulders where they attempted to squeeze away some of the tension I carried with me still. His thumbs pressed into the appropriately sized cavities above my collar bone briefly before moving down below it, pressing into the firmer muscles that made up my chest.

I closed my eyes, allowing myself to appreciate the sensations he was creating with his hands as they glided back and forth across my chest in some random pattern that left me flustered as I tried to subconsciously figure out where I would feel the warmth of his touch next, never guessing correctly though. It occurred to me as his fingertips brushed over my nipples again and I felt them stiffen under his touch, that it was invigorating not knowing what I would feel next or where I would feel it.

His hands slid down my chest further, along my sides, until they stopped next to where his head still rested against my stomach and I felt him lift his head as the cool air in the room hit my warm skin and I wasn’t sure if it was that, or the way I felt him watching me, that caused me to shiver slightly but I realized that it didn’t matter anymore when I felt his thumbs tracing the waistband of my boxers where it met my skin.

I raised my head from where it had dropped back slightly and opened my eyes to find him watching me intently, perhaps trying to decide if I was enjoying the attention he was giving me. There was no question of my feelings though, as he focused on the erection straining the front of my tented underwear, staring him in the face. He looked up, our eyes meeting briefly, before he dipped his own head down and kissed the highest point where my obvious state of arousal was eye level for him.

I tried not to gasp out loud since I only barely felt the touch of his lips through the material that still covered my straining erection, but the anticipation that had built up in me since my brain realized what was happening made that impossible. He seemed to pause there momentarily as he inhaled the scent that was just me before I felt his fingertips on my back dipping down below the waistband. They traced their way around my waist until his thumbs met each other on my stomach and while he didn’t notice me studying the determined look on his face, I was mesmerized by the way he seemed to know just what he was doing.

I didn’t dare urge him on or break his concentration, but what I was feeling was extreme, as I realized his close proximity to the thickness that looked like I was proudly displaying it. His fingers worked subtly and before I could react he had lowered the barrier that separated him from my aching cock. I watched him as he looked at it where it now stood upright against my stomach.

He tentatively reached out and traced his finger first up and then down the firm shaft before he grasped it fully and the moan that escaped my throat seemed to surprise me as I welcomed the warmth and the friction of his hand. While he seemed to know what he wanted, I knew this was his first time too, and I watched him, trying to decide what he wanted to do next.

I felt his lips placing tentative kisses on my stomach again before I felt his other hand cupping me even further down and I closed my eyes again, enjoying the added sensation. His tongue snaked out through his slightly parted lips to lick my skin and the moist trail it left behind was just cool enough that it caused me to shiver slightly. It seemed though, that his tongue managed to find the fine trail of dark hair that started just below my belly button before I felt it sweep across the head of my cock, tentatively at first, investigating the smoothness, the flavor that was only me.

My fingers tightened slightly around the back of his neck, my thumbs just behind his earlobes and I groaned in ecstasy as I felt his tongue sweep cautiously around again. I felt his forehead bump against my abdomen as he tried to take my hardness into his mouth even more. He was gripping my hips at first but his hands slid further back to grip my ass and pull me toward him.

Feeling the warmth of Jesse’s wet mouth applying just the right amount of suction and the way his tongue was gliding up and down the shaft elicited another low moan, deep in the back of my throat before I felt his hands roaming my chest again. His touches were electrifying, leaving my skin feeling hot wherever his fingers had just been and the cool air hitting the moist parts of my skin when they became exposed left me almost dizzy trying to feel everything all at once.

“Lie down,” he suggested as he turned my body toward the bed. I did right before his knees slipped in between mine and his lips that looked even redder now, and slightly swollen, slipped back over my waiting erection.

“Oh fuck Jess,” I said, lacking all ability to control anything including my body, thrusting into him each time I felt his lips start to slide downward again before I felt his nose pressing into my skin and his lips applying a firm suction around the base.

Subtly at first, but gradually as it got stronger, I felt this overwhelming sensation deep in me, like an itch that needed to be scratched almost, and he was so close to reaching it. I clenched the sheets in my fists, my hips lifting off the mattress in a rhythmic pattern, over and over, before I realized that it was about to happen.

I wanted to warn Jesse, I didn’t know how he felt about all that, and I knew that I definitely wanted him to repeat this again, so I forced myself to let go of the sheets I was holding onto and grab his head.

“Jess, wait,” I said breathlessly, but he didn’t stop. I tried to push him away, I reached for his shoulders, but he just continued. “Jess, if you don’t stop I’m gonna…” I paused involuntarily, but only because the way I could feel the back of his throat closing around my thickness caused me to groan again, my head falling back on the bed.

And then I felt it, starting in the tips of my toes first, and then moving slowly upward until it spread throughout my whole body, a warmth and a pleasure like I had never felt before. I lost my breath for a moment before I was gasping heavily and it was then that I realized I was holding onto his head as he suckled what was left of the erection I had.

He managed to stretch out next to me after he took a minute to undress himself and then I felt his mouth move over mine tentatively. My hand found the back of his neck as I pulled him over me and took it upon myself to fully enjoy the feel of his lips against mine before seeking out the warmth of his mouth with my own. I knew he was in a similar state of need when I felt his own hardness pressing against my hip, but then he simply found his way behind me, his erection settling against me, and his arms holding his body tightly to mine.

“Get some rest baby,” he said softly.