From the Ashes - Prologue. Prologue

Years and it all went up in smoke. Felix flew to California to surprise Terrance after being awarded his long sought-after promotion. The separation was tough, but once he got the promotion, he could finally move out to California, no quick fly-by-night weekends.

“Terrance, baby I did it, I finally made it to senior account manager and can relocate to the LA office,” Felix proudly announced as he swung open the bedroom door.

“Oh, shit Felix,” Terrance moaned.

Felix felt his world crashing around him as he watched Terrance climax into the young twink underneath him. Anger and sorrow took hold as he stormed away with his eyes clouded with tears; he could hear Terrance calling his name and only stopped to turn when he heard what sounded like him falling.

“Baby wait, it’s not what you think, please let me explain.”

“There is nothing to explain, I saw it all for myself, and I am perfectly capable of connecting the dots.” Felix looked down at his ex-lover lying on the ground wrapped in blankets. Felix jumped into his rental and drove off with no destination in mind aimlessly wandering for what seemed like hours until he finally dragged himself into what looked like a local bar.

“You look like you could use a stiff one.”

Felix looked at the bartender and just nodded. He found himself sadly staring at a box he pulled out from his pocket.

“I planned to propose, and I worked my ass off to catch up to him so that we could make a life together,” he replied bitterly. His phone rang in his pocket for what seemed like the hundredth time. He simply glanced at his smartwatch and declined the call before turning off his phone completely. “Give me something strong and make it a double.”

“For what it’s worth, any man willing to throw you away does not deserve you,” the bartender stated as he placed the drink in front of Felix.

The thought crossed his mind for a quick rebound lay, but he did not have it in him to be that kind of person, besides that would not solve anything. “Thanks, you are being too kind,” Felix said as he chugged down his drink

“Don’t let this get you down, whatever happens, you will get through it. You have a good night, buddy.”

Felix finished off his drink and left the bartender a decent tip for putting up with his less-than-stellar attitude. As he reached his car, he realized that he was in no condition to drive, but he also did not have a place to stay. He sighed as he turned his phone back on to review his options only to be bombarded by text messages and voicemails from Terrance. Not in the mood to deal with that situation, he ordered himself an Uber and booked a room at the nearest hotel. Lying face down on the hotel bed, Felix dreaded the next call that he knew he needed to make.

“It’s about time you called me, where have you been? Terrance has been calling me in a frenzy telling me that you just disappeared. What on earth is going on with you?”

Felix felt his blood boil, and the alcohol in his system was not helping the situation. “Did he tell you that he is a cheating asshole? Probably not, with him playing the role of the concerned boyfriend.” Felix knew the phone call with Terrance’s sister, Aurora, would turn unpleasant.

“What are you talking about?” He could hear the distress and concern in her voice. She had always looked out for him, like the big sister he never had, and he knew none of this was really her fault.

Felix sighed, trying to regain some of his composure with a whirlwind of thoughts racing through his mind.

“As you know, I came out here to surprise him and propose after finally getting my promotion. The surprise was that I was not expecting to find, my would-be fiancé unceremoniously blowing his load in shock as I walked in on him fucking someone else.”

There was an uncomfortable silence, and for a moment, Felix almost thought that she had hung up.

“I’m sorry Felix, I do not know what to say.” He could tell she was conflicted, wanting to somehow defend her brother, but wanting to comfort Felix as well.

“It is fine,” he cut her off before she could continue. “There is nothing that you can do about it anyway. I just wanted to let you know things did not work out as planned.” Felix made sure to shut his phone back off before finally succumbing to the day’s events and the alcohol.

“Well, you look like shit.”

“Fuck you, Bentley.”

“Ouch, we are using full names, what crawled up your ass and died?”

Felix looked across at Bentley, he knew he was being an ass. He took a gulp of his water before filling him in on the events of last week. It had been one week, and Terrance still called and sent text messages every day – all unanswered.

“Well, that little shit, and after always going on about how good things were between you two. I am truly sorry, mate. I did not think that he would end up doing something like that.”

Felix shrugged. He was glad that Ben seemed to be on his side as he did not know how their mutual friends would react. So far, it seemed like none of them knew what was going on.

“So, what are you going to do about the promotion? I know you mostly did this to get transferred out to the LA office.”

“I am staying out here since it is the best move career-wise. Besides, it is not like we have to run into each other. I will look for a new apartment closer to the office.”

“Speak of the devil and he shall arrive,” Ben snorted before nodding his head.

Felix swiveled around in his chair meeting the gaze of his ex-boyfriend.

“Hey Ben, do you mind if I have a moment with Felix?” Terrance had arrived looking over at the two friends, hands in his pockets, slowly rocking on the balls of his feet and avoiding eye contact when at all possible.

“It is okay Ben, I can deal with this,” Felix motioned him away knowing that Ben was not making a move to get up. Ben excused himself, patting Felix on the shoulder, and left the two alone without even acknowledging Terrance.

“I take it by his cold reception that he already knows.”

“What do you want Terrance and how did you even know that I was here?”

Terrance motioned toward the bartender. Felix turned and noticed the man and for a brief second wondered if he was sleeping with Terrance too.

“So, you have your scouts keeping tabs on me to let you know my movements in the city? I guess if I decided to grab something to eat beforehand you might have been forewarned.”

Terrance sighed; he knew that Felix’s disposition was justified. “It’s not what you think. I can assure you.”

“It is fine Terrance as it is none of my concern now anyway. You can do whoever or whatever you want.”

“But what I want is you.” Terrance pleaded, grabbing Felix’s hand and tenderly massaging it.

Felix pulled his hand away and raised it up before Terrance could continue knowing very well there was nothing that he could say that was worth listening to.

“You are saying one thing, but your actions clearly show something different. It will not do me any good to even ask, but for my own sanity and closure, how long?”

Terrance looked away, and his shoulder dropped, clearly not wanting to own up to what he had done.

“Six months,” he replied flatly.

Felix felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. Six months? The canceled travel plans, the out-of-town functions, and not being able to get together when he was going back and forth during interviews. It all made sense.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, it didn’t mean anything, and he didn’t mean anything.”

“Just stop! What is done is done. There is no taking it back now. You say it did not mean anything, yet you were having an affair for six months.” Felix calmed himself down, regaining his composure. “There is nothing left to say or do. Anything of mine left in that apartment, keep it as I have no use for it anymore.”

“Wait, you can’t mean that, not after.”

“Stop it! You lost that right. Let us end this like adults to save us both the embarrassment.” Felix could feel the eyes on them as fellow diners began to take note of the situation. Felix let out a snort as the bartender came over and placed a hand reassuringly on Terrance’s shoulder.

“Felix please,” Terrance begged. “I made a mistake; I am only human. I am by no means justifying what I did, but we can’t let it end like this, not after everything we have gone through together. We had plans; we were talking about kids and a new house once everything was set with your promotion. He was just a placeholder until we could finally be together again on a full-time basis.”

Felix did not acknowledge his ex as he gathered his things and made his way over to where Ben should be waiting for him. He made it around the corner when the dam of emotions broke, and he could not stop the tears from flowing, releasing his anger and sorrow.

“Come on buddy, let’s get you out of here.”

Felix felt himself be scooped up and pulled into a warm embrace while he continued to sob into Ben’s chest.

“That’s okay buddy, let it all out,” Ben cooed as he softly rubbed Felix’s back.

In the weeks that followed, Felix kept mostly to himself, moving forward with his move and the new office space. Ben had taken his side of course, but as no one had really reached out to him, he did not concern himself too much with it.

“You know you are going to develop a gut if you keep eating takeout every night. Also, you will not have the opportunity to meet anyone new if you mope around here.”

“I am not interested in meeting anyone. Why should I even bother to set myself up to be lied to and hurt all over again,” Felix replied bitterly, and he finished off the last of his takeout.

“Well, at least consider it, I do miss the old Felix. This new iteration is not as fun to socialize with, you know?” Ben pouted as he opened a bottle of wine.

Felix could not help but laugh at Ben’s bad attempt to earn sympathy and tossed his plastic fork at him.

“Assault with a deadly weapon, I could sue and have you arrested.”

They both broke out into a fit of laughter and for the first time in almost a month, he had a genuine smile plastered across his face. The two carried on for hours just enjoying each other's company and finishing off a bottle of wine in the process until they passed out.

Felix awakened with a blistering headache but was very content in the position he found himself in resting on Ben’s chest. He allowed himself to bask in the feeling before getting up and grabbing a quick bite from the kitchen. He never even considered the possibility of anything between them and knew that he was just being a good friend to him, but he could not help but wonder what if things had been different. He quickly brushed that thought aside as Ben began to stir.

“Good morning sunshine,” Felix teased.

“Make the sun go away and go make me a sandwich.”

Felix tossed a pillow at him before placing a glass of water and some ibuprofen on the bedside table.

“You really know how to treat a man like a king. I should lock you in my apartment for eternity and make you, my houseboy.”

Felix snorted; he stopped in the doorframe turning to his friend with a laugh. “I am a bit too old for the houseboy role so that is out of the question.”

“Well, I guess I will just have to marry you then,” Ben laughed before realizing what he had said. “Felix, I am so sorry, I was not thinking.” Ben grimaced when he saw the look on Felix’s face.

“It is okay. I know you did not mean anything by it.” Felix quickly gained control over his emotions and promptly left the room.

“Damnit all.” Ben cursed himself not meaning to upset his friend. He let his head fall back onto the pillow trying desperately to spare his friend more hurt as he heard him quietly sob.

Felix sat in his room again staring at the box that he could not bring himself to do away with. It was in this position that Ben found him when he finally worked up the courage to go to him. Seeing his friend in distress once again, he did not say a word. He just bent over and wrapped Felix in a hug.

“It’s ok, you will get through this, and I will be here as best I can,” Ben vowed as he held his friend close.