I woke up at 3am - which incidentally was only 10 minutes before my alarm. Dont tell Paya, but I only got to bed at 11pm, despite assurances that I would try to get some solid sleep. My mother - god bless her - took me to the airport. For those of you who live over the pond, you might not be aware that much of Europe has been at a standstill due to Heavy Snowfall. There are about 8 inches of snow (dont ask me how i measured ) where I live, but fortunately, the drive to the airport was pretty clear.

We hit the dreaded "freezing fog" - which the car thermometer told me made it -12 c. But I arrived at the airport safely, which brings me to where I am now - sat in the airport starbucks, drinking a Caramel Machiato and eating a croissant, that being my staple fare before a flight.

I have been meditating on the differences between this year, and last year. Last Christmas, I was very much alone. Surrounded by company and friends, I felt like an outsider. The only single man in a room full of couples. I can't tell you how lost and alone that felt. I remember in January feeling quite depresssed, and getting rather "addicted" to onlne Gay Fiction. I have been a fan of Mark Arbour since he first wrote CAP (in fact, I had read "on the Mark" even earlier), but now I actively went in search of an outlet.

I was vaguely aware of GA becuase, as a member of Mark's yahoo group, I remember being frustrated that he always posted at GA first and THEN to his group. But I have to admit I thought the site lacked.... a look and feel. Though I have since learned that it is better than most sites out there.

Anyway, I got into a world where I was addicted to online stories, even reading them on my iPhone on the way to the office. Coupled with working 15 hour days as a matter of course, this kinda took up all my time.

I then plucked up the courage to join here at GA. for no other reason I guess than i liked the idea of the forums. Then, on the anniversary of the death of a very dear friend (and my first boyfriend) I wrote a blog.

I dont know what phrase did it, but the blog caught Paya's attention, and, through talking online we very quickly developed feelings for one another. We arranged to meet.

Many of you will remember the "dance" we did - both talking about our relationships without explicitly saying who our significant other was (though many of you - bleu mainly - guessed accurately). This wasnt any sort of convived "teaser" or anything. It was just that GA was the only outlet for both of us.

I knew before I even saw his face that Paya was the man for me. BUt when I saw him that first time when he landed in Manchester, I knew this was forever, 7 Months on, we are spending our first Christmas together, and I cant even think how lucky I am. This time last year, I was sad and alone. Now I have a boyfriend, the love of my life - and just as important I have made many friends here who I care about very much.

SO I want to wish everyone all the happiness in the world. Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

Miluji Te.

West