MDBCs 19 Apr 2023

Teacher: Millie, give me a sentence starting with i.

Millie: I is …

Teacher: No, Millie. Always say, "I am."

Millie: Okay, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

***

A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach problems. The doctor asks him what he's been eating.

"I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."

"I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not getting enough greens."

***

The irate customer calling our newspaper offices loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Ma'am," I interrupted, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. "So that's why no one was in church today."

***

10 Quotes About Springtime

"Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party'""
--Robin Williams

"The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts."
--David Letterman

"In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt."
--Margaret Atwood

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
-- Josh Billings

"Flowers are the sweetest things God ever made and forgot to put a soul into."
-- Henry Ward Beecher

"Gardens and flowers have a way of bringing people together, drawing them from their homes."
-- Clare Ansberry

"The earth laughs in flowers."
-- e e cummings

"At my age flowers scare me."
-- George Burns

"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
-- Doug Larsen

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."
-- H. L Mencken

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