MDBCs 13 Feb 2025

One day, my physician father treated himself to a plate of raw oysters and offered to share them with me. Just as I was about to dig in, he picked up an oyster, examined it, and commented,

“They remind me of infected tonsils.”And that’s the story of how he ended up eating the entire plate of oysters himself.

***

My six-year-old loved his pet fish. He watched and fed it faithfully, morning and night. But one day while he was in school, his fish died, so I flushed it down the toilet. I told him when he got home, and he was inconsolable. Nothing I said helped.

After a while, I asked, “Why are you crying so much?”

Arching his back, he shouted, “I wanted to flush!”

***

Two regulars are sitting at a bar when one of them casually points to a couple of drunks across from them.

“That’s us in ten years,” he says.

His friend takes a sip from his beer, sets it down on the bar, turns to his friend, and slurs, “That’s a mirror.”

***

I was working from home, interviewing a famous neurologist for an article, when my three-year-old announced she had to go potty and waddled into the bathroom.

After some loud moans, she yelled, “I did it, Mom! I pooped in the toilet! I pooped on the floor too! But I’ll clean it! Oh, I stepped in it!”

There was an uncomfortable silence as I realized the doctor had heard every word. “Ha ha,” I laughed nervously. “Do you have kids?”