Written a while back ...

This blog was prompted just a minute ago when a very hunky guy swaggered into Starbucks. His eyes may have been concealed behind his sunglasses, but there was no concealment of his self-regard. He knew he was sexy, and expected obeisance.

I doubt I'm alone in finding this to be a complete turn-off. Yeah, I might sneak a look now and then at the swaggering guy's beautiful biceps, but I wouldn't be interested in seriously engaging him.

But here we get into tricky ground. I meant to write about it after the White Party. There were guys there of such magnificence they'd belong in Michelangelo's pre-sculpture boudoir. I'm thinking of one guy in particular. He goes to our gym, Golds. And he carries himself with such portentous seriousness. He's built up a wall of muscle that shuts him out of all but the small little world populated by his equally buff buddies. You get the impression he'd sooner die rather than let his gaze rest on somebody outside his circle.

I'm sure if you could ever get his attention long enough to ask him a question about why he behaves this way, he'd respond with a complaint about how difficult it is to be so god-like. Everybody finds him attractive so to protect himself he tunnels his Adonis gaze. But I'd argue back to him that he's made a choice to be that way. To make eye contact with somebody else doesn't necessarily have to mean anything other than, hey, we're both human.

I'd go further and hazard that in his case (and he's only one extreme in a spectrum), he's built up both his body and his steely countenance out of insecurity. All of us - particularly gays - hide a secret heart of shame. How many times have you talked to guys with great bodies who say they used to be skinny when they were kids. And they're still skinny inside. They've never grown to love that skinny kid inside.

I'm sure they don't mean to be lacking in humanity. Yet here they are in a party atmosphere where everybody is all smiles, and, out of shame, they're completely cut off from the experience of sharing our commonality.

I should add that not all gorgeous circuit-boys act this way. There are a few here and there who have sufficient sense of self to know that bestowing a smile on a plain Jane is an act of kindness; joy even.

A short detour here: I promise it will lead us back to the main subject. I just wrote a book