Tough situation to be in... On the one hand, you want you and your boyfriend to be monogamous to each other, but on the other hand, you find your friend attractive enough to be okay with your boyfriend telling you that he was excited by your friend, and also knew full well that something like this might happen in the future.

Being married gives me an interesting spin here, perhaps it will work for you--although Rob and I play around together when we meet someone to bring home, we seldom arrange something without the other knowing, and we usually both play, or are at least okay with the "guest". However, if we go out somewhere, such as one of the baths...we'll wander around on our own, within hollering distance for him (quite a distance, actually--good lungs), but still independent of each other enough to fool around...and this is with each other's full consent and mutual understanding.

Your boyfriend, obviously, felt that you had given him permission to "fool around" with your friend by being so unfazed by his comments about your friend's "being cute" and such...that when you awoke, they did the polite thing and removed their presence so as to not create any discomfort for you, regardless of whether you had any about "fooling around", because they didn't know how you might feel...

Regardless, you're shaken by this string of occurences. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? If you do, since things were somewhat ambiguous, don't be accusatory, but--if this is what you want or prefer--ask him to be monogamous with you in the future if you are not able, or willing, or just don't want, to do a 3-way. If he can't or won't do that, then use protection, or invite him to leave if he won't.

Don't blame yourself, though, your boyfriend obviously has either no self-control or no willpower at this point in his life (I went through that stage, too)...although my willpower never left me, it was going the other direction--"Get more, and have more fun!"

Whatever happens, may it be for the best--you are young, still, smart enough and goodlooking enough that guys should be falling all over each other in their haste to get to you.

Eric, to answer your question, it is cheating. If you and Matt have made a commitment to each other and his actions violate that, then he cheated. Perhaps the two of you haven't actually made such a commitment or haven't fully discussed what you expect of each other and what each of you is willing to do for the other.

If you love him, now is the time to have that talk. Don't make any accusations but deal with the matter in a loving way. You will both know where you stand with the other and can work on building a trusting relationship.

One other thing...and please forgive me if you consider this none of my business...perhaps you should cut back on the drinking. Being drunk when you had earlier discussions with Matt about your friend, appears to be a factor in your current situation. If you had been the most sober of the threesome last night...not the only one who crashed...you might be happier this morning.

Best wishes to you and Matt.

Well... here's the update... Matt and my friend didnt go all the way, and matt woke up this morning and the first thing he did was call me and say how shitty he felt cus of what he did. So he came to my job where we talked about what happened and laid down the ground rules for the future and agreed taht we're gonna be greedy and not share each other.

I told him how I felt and how I was until he called and he pretty much said that it was shitty. Basically he's cutting down on the alcohol and so am I to avoid things like this again (me i'm doing it all together, it's to tastey for me... not a good thing).

Thanks everyone!

Wow. So much to say. First, the fact he was even enough interested to ask is bothersome. The fact that he did it is upsetting. And as MikeL (he seems like one smart guy) says making decisions whilst drunk is bad.

And why are you blaming yourself. People who are in love with each other don't cheat on each other. And he cheated on you. The fact that you were drunk and gave permission was and is irrelevant. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. Period.

Me, if it was my choice, I'd be far less forgiving than you. Not trying to make trouble but I am a very strong believer in loyalty and monogamy with a partner. This has neither.

Good luck. Seems you're always the one getting hurt. Not good.

Eric, it's great to hear that you and Matt have already come to an agreement. I think it shows you really do care for each other. Your mutual resolutions should go a long way in strengthening the relationship.

Continued best wishes to you both.

Mike

P.S. Great picture of you two popped up when I read your second post above.

I'm glad you worked it out. You always help me out, so it made me sad to hear this from you.

Congrats on reconciling!

Alcohol is a strange substance on different people; sometimes, it makes regular people great writers and other times it makes us release inhibitions, where our brains would never go.

Reconciling with your boyfriend is great, but the next step is going to be rough. Have you considered reconciling with your friend?

Congrats on the resolution...hope things keep going well!