John,
It is only recently that I have been spending time reading the stories posted at Gay Authors, and I feel fortunate that I seem to have been pulled toward Dom's writing to start. So far I have read three of his stories and, The Lo/n/g Way and Desert Dropping have really left an impact on me.
As an older gay man, I sometimes buy into the guilt that got thrown around a couple of years ago in a 'fan' group of an older man who writes a series of stories about gay teens ... both the author, who is older than a teen yet younger than me, and his readers who are older were accused of 'preying' on teens by writing/wanting to read stories with a focus on teens. Yeah, I know it is a bogus claim, but it still left a dent on my mind. But what I take away from these stories is a healing for the opportunities lost forever to me - opportunities and situations that occur in the stories that would have been so great to have experienced when I was that age. They allow me, at least in some small way, to reframe the experiences I have had and at least let go some of the anger I have for the miserable circumstances I lived through myself as a teen.
I have just finished the last chapter of Desert Dropping today. Parts of it were hard for me to get through. I was raised by a single mother (starting in 1954) and never knew my father, like Rory. I can't say why I never asked my mother much about my father ... maybe because there wasn't much discussion of anything in my family, period! My grandmother kept me while my mother worked; maybe her repeatedly telling me that my father was a worthless, drunk, SOB and that I would never be anything any better put me off, even if I didn't exactly understand what a worthless, drunk, SOB was when she first started telling me this. I don't know why after starting public school and having some contact with other kids who obviously had fathers I didn't gain any curiosity and question my mother. When my mother actually brought it up, after I was in high school, I was just embarrassed and didn't want to talk about it. I have always thought I was really warped to not want to get in touch with my father, but, like Rory, I just really seemed to be happy with only a mother. I was talking with a friend of my mother just last week and I told her I feel really strange that I never was interested in knowing anything about my father. Ironically, my father died in 2001 in a hospital less than 2 miles from my apartment. Maybe if I had known he was in the hospital that close to me, I would have gone and seen him while I could. Unlike Rory, I am glad my mother didn't die when I was 16 as that would not have precipitated any kind of reunion with my dad, and as bad as my life was from 16 to my mid-20's, it certainly could have been worse if I had been in the sole custody of my grandmother. I have told my partner he must read Desert Dropping, that he will see why I have been sitting at my computer crying a lot the past few days.
About coming out to your mother ... I lived at home until I was 23. I continued to allow my mother and grandmother to control my life even after I moved out on my own until I was 26. I came out to my mother at 25 and she took it very badly. Our relationship deteriorated even more that year and I ended up moving away with no forwarding address, so for 9 months our communication was only through my aunts (her sisters), who did know where I was and even came to visit me. Lots more drama was going on in my life at the time, so I will never really be sure whether she was distressed just for the fact that I was gay or was mostly upset at how badly I was (mis)managing my life. At the end of that year I met my partner (we will celebrate our 27th year together in December). It took her a while to warm up to him, but she even took us with her to her church and introduced him as "her other son". She passed away unexpectedly last Christmas Eve and I honestly think that the last 10 years of her life, my partner was closer to her and a better son to her than I was, and she loved every minute of their interactions. So, coming out may be a difficult time for you, but I hope that you will be able to get past any initial bad reaction and resume a close relationship with your mother.
Jay
