CryingCircusConductor

Despite the cramp in his neck, Nico tried to keep it as still as possible, afraid Logan might pull his arm out from under it if he didn’t. He stared at his own fingers tracing a long faded scar on the palm of Logan's hand, light as a feather. It was nearly invisible in the dim early morning light, but he remembered every detail of it since the first time he’d taken the time to notice it. For safekeeping. He kept going when he ran out of scar, tracing all the curves and edges around it, careful n

Ah, what a good question again! That really got me thinking, and I realised I don't think that's going to be dissected explicitly in this story, so I'll try my best to explain what I think I tried to do as well and as briefly as possible So, in the Percy Jackson story, Nico is someone who tends to be looked at by others as dangerous and scary. Creepy, even sometimes. He's also suffered a lot of loss of people who did love and accept him in his early life. So what I think I was trying to do, was write him as someone who's coping styles were built up around "rejection" based trauma. (Some other examples of backgrounds that can have a similar effect are being bullied, or having emotionally abusive/neglectful caregivers). Of course everyone reacts to emotional trauma differently, but I made Nico more avoidan/fatalistict in how he tries to remain in control of situations (Don't get attached so people can't hurt me, leave them before they leave me, expect the worst so you can't be disapointed, block out all negative feelings) to contrast Logan's confrontational coping style. Aside from that I made Nico more internalizing (Turning his feelings inward, shame/self blame) to contrast Logan being externalizing. That's probably their biggest difference, and biggest source of conflict, actually. In that sense they speak completely different languages. Of course when it actually comes down to it, I'm just using the poor guy to deal with my own issues. Like all of this story, it's all just me projecting Even Aphrodite being upset, is just me being upset with that part of me haha. Sorry for the giant essay! And thank you so much for sharing! It really helps me reflect.

Yes, that's understandable Mental illness is always a bit of a tricky subject. It can hit so differently for different people. I really appreciate that you were willing to read it anyway, but please never feel pressure to! I hope I'll manage to make it worth your while Thanks a bunch again!

Nico woke up to a sting on his arm. It didn't hurt too bad, but bad enough for him to reach out with his hand in reflex. He watched as an impressively sized spider crawled out between his fingers and scuttled off over the side of the bed. He could barely make it out in the darkness, only recognizing it by the leggy movements. It disappeared out of sight. Nico hadn't realized how unsettled he was until it did. Was it the spider? No. He had nothing against spiders. He ran his fingers o

Ah, I'm so glad you ask that question! Without giving too much away, his behaviour is based on an avoidant attachment style, which is very often based in psychological trauma It's something I was trying to analyze a bit more while writing this story. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!

The weeks flew by. The longest they’d managed to stay apart was six days. Two whole days longer than their previous record. They had taken ages to pass. Still, Nico had to try. It wasn’t healthy to depend this much on someone. He couldn’t expect Logan to save him from himself. So try he did. Try, he was doing right now. For six days already. Onto a new record, he hoped. Nico looked down, gazing over the large copper toes of Lady Liberty. He never realized how huge her feet actually were up

Yes! Exactly I was trying to show some of the changes in habits and in dynamics in this stage of the relationship. Glad you caught them! Thanks again!

Hahaha, if you'd ask Nico I bet he'd say it was filled with shame 🥲

It had only been four days since he’d seen him. Four days. Four. He needed to get his head checked. It should have been so much easier to keep his mind off of him now that the tension was finally gone. So, why was it even harder?! Nico shook his head. He had to be stronger than this. Not just for his own sake. If Logan found out how insane he was, he’d ruin it for both of them. He looked at the dreary, grey Vancouver skyline. Hundreds of flats popped out of the ground. He could have sw

Yes! sort of! And yes, they still have to prove whether or not true love beats strife, but I thought that might be a bit much for a first date Thanks for reading!

Nico took a good look at Logan’s face. Despite the green and purple all around him, the only colour on Nico’s mind was amber. Logan’s wide, pleased looking smile almost distracted him from the fact this could very well be the last time he’d get to see it. Eris wasn’t known for her kindness. Excitement overshadowed all fear when Logan squeezed his hand with his. “Okay! Step back” Logan warned cheerfully, letting go of him. Nico did, a little disappointed. Focus! He willed hi

Hahaha, sorry for making you wait so long! 🫣In my defense, irl it took me about 20 years for these two parts of me to love each other, so I had to drag it out as long as I could 😁 Glad you're excited for what's next! Thanks again for reading, and for your thoughts!

He almost fell sprinting to the bathroom and probably just about tore off the valve turning on the shower. The other valve tried to warn him it was turned as cold as possible. Nico didn’t even notice, not even as he got under the stream. One long, ice cold shower later he finally felt like he could breathe again. He flung open the cabinet behind the mirror and swiped out a razor. His eyes met those of a very tired looking stranger when he shut it. The stranger scowled at him w

I know I keep saying it, but thank you so much!

He tore some pieces off of his muffuletta and cast them to the pigeons. The feathery piranha’s frenzied around the bread. Fighting beak and talon to be the first to get to-! Something rustled on his shoulder. He turned in disbelief to the large white dove perched onto him. The dove cocked its head and side eyed him with a vapid, yet somehow pleasant look. It cooed quietly. Why did it sound encouraging…? He hesitantly lifted a finger. It hopped on and sat tight as he lowered his hand.

Happy to know the tension build up is easy to pick up on! 😁And without spoiling anything... I hope so! 🤐

Haha! I know, right? He makes my job as a writer very difficult... 😜

Ah! I'm so glad you like it! It's probably what I enjoy writing most

Nico carefully looked up from Amira’s corpse to see how Yan had taken the terrible news. She hadn’t. She refused to hear it and knelt down next to Amira, getting to work regardless. Nico snapped to look at the group of mercenaries, still barely in earshot. They, in turn, seemed to take the news very well. Clearly happy with their results. They laughed among each other, then turned to leave. One cast a last look at the bodies in the lake before getting pulled along. Nico tore his eyes

Yan’s bobcut bounced around her head as she ran up to him. She greeted him with a short, tight hug, almost hitting him in the face with the bow strapped to her back. “Thank you so much for coming”. Nico held up both hands to appease her, and hopefully create a little more personal space. “Of course, Yan”. Her already bewildered, stressed expression turned a little wary to add. “Are you… How are you?” she asked. “Good”. He sounded more defensive than reassuring, but that would h

Holy shit! He jolted awake at the most annoying sound he'd ever heard! He grasped at his pockets, the source of the disturbance, and pulled out his phone. He hadn't been called in so long he didn't even remember what his ringtone was anymore. Who could be calling at this ungodly hour? Oh, right, the giant time difference. He'd forgotten where he was for a second. He didn't even bother to look as he picked up. “Yeah?” he answered warily, still half asleep, but fully annoyed. “He

Yes, in my mind they're nice people who are just not very nice about being nice And interesting where your mind goes with the stepfather! I won't spoil anything unless you want me to Same goes for Logan's orientation. And you are definitely right that their conversation about his sister and this whole ordeal are the reason he finally went to go see her!

You're very right about that haha!

He’d been breathing in the all too familiar fog in Hades so long, he was starting to forgot what fresh air tasted like. His thoughts twisted and turned over one another. The exhaustion made it impossible to keep up with them. Good. At least that meant they couldn’t drive him insane anymore… That’s the exact reason he’d come here in the first place. The past weeks had been rough. More than rough... Not anything he hadn’t dealt with before, though. It’d be fine. He knew himself well en

Yes! Very haha. The cold showers are to help him wake up Weird little habit I used to have. So you like the sparring? Without spoiling too much, there is going to be some more training together. But not exactly the same way. Logan and Yan are best friends, yes! And you're right, the dynamic definitely shifted Thank you for reading! And for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it.