Lucy Kemnitzer

Yes, I also think that's one of the finer stories I've ever read. I like that the point of view is completely unique and the characters are always interesting, always unfolding new bits to them. Also the band setting is cool, too.

That's the thing -- after you have a day like that, you've got more energy and will, but you've got all this catch-up to do too. Sigh. . .

What's decadron?

He only has them when he knows he has them, and that's a thing that takes time and experience, which he is busily collecting now. Why, yes, I'm avoiding stuff. That's why I'm doing this instead of . . oh, it's time to go to bed now.

<snipping the reasons Rory acts the way he does> I'd like to add something here too. It's another one of those "continuities in Dom's writings" things. I point these out because I think they are wonderful things, which make the writing so strong and believable. Quinn, Owen and Rory have some things in common which are essential for the structures of these stories. Not essential for everybody's stories. Essential for Dom's stories. Every one of these boys comes out in a time of not just turmoil but the utter destruction of the family of his childhood. At the same time as they are figuring themselves out and finding true love (at least for the time being, realistically these are kids and they're likely to find true love at least another time or two before they settle in for good, if they do), they are reconstructing their entire social world from scratch. (family and community) They sometimes (often) look and sound like tantrumming toddlers -- for good reason: they're melting down for the same reason. Little kids whine and scream and pitch a fit not because they just didn't get their way but because something has happened that they can't reconcile with their imperfect developing sense of how the world works (which is why "spoiled" kids do it more than other kids -- they've been given a false sense that the world works according to their current whim, and they don't understand how their desires and other people's needs interact, so they freak out -- and are often truly frightened -- when they don't get what they want. Then they find out that freaking out does give them what they demanded, which tells them that freaking out is how you restore order to the world. Thus manipulative behavior is born. But that's not Owen, Rory and Quinn. They're just knocked end over end by the destruction of their universe, that's all) It would be unrealistic to portray boys in this situation as cool, mature, and objective -- even worse, if they were like that, there would be no story, because they would do the exact right thing at every turn and it would all get worked out in a few paragraphs. So. Rory's rackety attempts to deal with the world he's offered are a good thing, because they get us a story! (I've been reading The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver and I can't help thinking "Rory, Yror, Story, Ystor, Rory Story, Yror Ystor" as if I were speechless Adah)

Presents I have appreciated: -- a big huge book about the wild plants of my state: -- an amazing atlas: -- binoculars: -- a copy of my favorite movie of all time ("Me and the Colonel," which is a philosophical comedy about a group of people fleeing the Nazis, one of them being Danny Kaye as a resourceful, optimistic, and very cute Jew: but that's probably not your mother's favorite) --a big fat history book about something I was interested in (the history of farmworkers in California: butn it could be anything else) -- music (different things at different times. Carpathian bagpipes. World Accordians. South African choral music. What does your mom like to listen to? Or you could get her Pansy Division so she could say "those boys are funny and cute, and they can play and sing, but most of all I'm glad they're not my son!" -- plants (a camellia, once, a whole raft of narcissus bulbs, once, a lemon tree, once) -- donations in my name to UNICEF or OXFAM -- a beautiful glass pitcher -- reservation for a night in a bed and breakfast

Lucy, could you be talking about Dale Peck's "Martin and John"? The narrator, John, is a man who has lost his lover to AIDS, and he tells several different, alternate versions of his relationship with Martin as he comes to grips with his life and what has happened. Oh yes, Kitty, that's the one! It's so hard to google for something when you can't remember the author or the title. That book was so strange to read -- some of the chapters had me puzzled, and some were downright scary, and others were . . . I guess you'd have to say they were hot. It's really good.

Doesn't that depend on how bad and how messy, and what other factors? I haven't experienced either, so I just look at my friends and make guesses.

The guy's asking you to write fan fiction for your own fiction. That's just weird. I think I'm only interested in the story as it is. I think unless the story is one of those experimental pieces that play with alternate storylines to begin with, I'm sort of repelled by remixes and what-ifs. I'm trying to think of the name of this novel that was written fifteen years ago or so. It had the names of the two men as the title, and each chapter cast them in different roles with respect to each other. Googling fails me. . . but I did find out that Ethan Mordden has written another book about the circle of friends -- he said he wasn't going to! Everybody go read Ethan Mordden now. Now! I've a Feeling We're Not In Kansas Anymore Buddies Everybody Loves You Some Men Are Lookers and, not in the series and to my mind less successful, How Long Has This Been Going On? And now, back in the series, How's Your Romance? The books do not strictly have to be read in order but it pays to do so.

New relationships are romantic. Old relationships are more like friendships or family relationships.I met the nice fellow I married in 1970. I moved in with him in 1971. I married him in 1975. Things are not perfect. But I like him a lot, and I wouldn't trade 35 years of that for 35 years of new relationship spark.I always kind of hated new relationship spark, actually. It made me nervous and sick to my stomach. I was always sure I wasn't really good enough for anybody and I know I'd revert to that if I had to be beginning again. A new lover isn't like a new dog. A new dog, you know they're going to love you: a new lover, you don't know that, all you know is that you're going to have to expose yourself all over again.But, you know, there's more than one way to live a life. You have time to work out how it's going to be.

More likely, she doesn't -- she thinks she's being friendly and sexy, the same way men who whistle and say embarrassing things to women think they are being friendly and sexy.

Isn't "violated" too strong a word? It's sort of disturbing, I know -- but at least you've got your orientations lined up. When I was (oh dog, stop me from saying this) your age, it was guys who disturbed me when they hit on me -- though that was my orientation. When women hit on me it was not disturbing, just irrelevant. Now that I think of it, that was probably why. I was more relaxed around women because they weren't in the category I had to react to. Or something. Once I had a baby and got fat and the only men who flirted with me were clearly just being friendly to cheer up the matron, I didn't mind that. I was a very neurotic young woman. We visited the new county animal shelter today (long long story involving miscreance and embezzling at the SPCA and a county takeover). I don't know why. The nice fellow says he was just curious but speaking of flirting, he sure was saying sweet things to those dogs and cats. I hope he doesn't bring home a puppy someday, or a kitten -- my life will be in ruins. (maybe an old dog . . . not too old, it would have to contend with Truffle).

Thanks Viv. Cats and dogs can get along? Oh yes, they can get along: Loki and Truffle get along really well. It only took Loki a couple of years to forgive Truffle for being the wrong dog, and he still thinks she's a jerk, but Truffle respects him and treats him really gently, which is important, because she is 50 pounds of muscle, bone, and tooth, and Loki's a medium sized cat. And they both sleep on my bed at night.

Cold meds don't cure colds. All they do is make the symptoms better. Sometimes they also make a person sleepy so they sleep more and that's good for healing. Taking general cood care of yourself -- some exercise, some rest, good nutrition, fluids -- that helps. Chicken soup, you know, for electrolites and fluid and feeling good. I may be being motherly, myself, but I asked my kid to make sure I was right!

My dog Truffle adores cats. She loves to give them cardiovascular exercise and can't understand why they don't appreciate it when she licks their ears. My cat has nothing but contempt for all dogs except for the poor late Toto who raised him, and a bit of grudging tolerance for Truffle. When Toto died and we got Truffle it took the cat a couple of years to forgive her for being the wrong dog. Or to forgive us for bringing the wrong dog home. Cats are not as smart or as affectionate as dogs, but they are fine nevertheless. Speaking ofextra Ss -- people always want to call my dog Truffles, when they don't insist that she should really be called Trouble. I think the names you give your stories are intriguing -- they almost make sense, and it's another bit of suspense, wondering what the titles are going to turn out to mean.

You know, boys are not alone in being highly charged at that age. Cyndi Lauper's right on the girl front. If I was going to warn a girl about college boys, it wouldn't be to warn them against their sexuality. It would be to warn them that all the boys are young, some are dumb, and many haven't had a decent social, sexual, or emotional education. So she has to be prepared to provide the smarts and the knowhow, just in case. Something I told my kids is that sexual gratification comes free: you've got it in your own hands, and you don't have to put up with any garbage, or do anything stupid or hirtful yourself, to get it. That knowledge allows you to be a decent person, to relax and get to know other people as people, and to accept sex as lagniappe when it happens in a good context. The only difference between girls and boys in terms of sex is that there are some extra potential consequences for managing your sex life badly. The urgency is all the same. (there are some different tendencies in sexuality, too, I'm not denying that, but those vary so much from indiviudual to individual that the overall gender differences are only interesting in a statistical way and don't help much in making everryday decisions)

I do like that Quinn wasn't wrong about absolutely everything in the world, even if the one thing he wasn't wrong about was his mom's reaction to learning he was gay. I also do like that there's a certain symmetry between Brad's and mom's reaction, and that Quinn has learned enough the second time to be more accepting of "taking time" even if he's not completely gracious (but neither is she). Now that I think about it, Quinn and his mom really are very much like each other. Excessively responsible, obsessive about getting the weirdest little things right, loving, helpful, and very very bad social skills.

As an official motherly type, let me first say: 1. Sometimes the best thing to do with a cold is to ignore it. Really. I can't tell you a rule of thumb for how to tell when you ought to "take care of yourself" and when you ought to push yourself. I guess you just pick one and see how it goes. As I sometimes have had to tell my kids: if you're going to feel bad anyway, why not feel bad while --- doing whatever it is you're trying to figure out whether or not to do? 2. As for the guy -- I don't know that avoiding an inappropriate crush object is always the best way to put them into their proper place. I mean, if you just met him -- maybe he's not so compellingly attractive when you get to see how he behaves? (well, if he is, that's something else) About Rory: Yes, he's a pain in the ass. That's the story, though: he's in a sustained state of panic and he's doing all stupid things. Quinn, and Owen, and Rory have this in common: they are panicked boys who demand a lot from the world and the people in it before they will trust it at all. They each feel that the people around them lie to them, conceal things from them, and that it is dangerous to reveal the truth to them -- they're very frightened. I've pointed out before about how they also have in common the condition of unavailable parents -- but in spite of these things in common, they're each their own boy with their own story. Owen had no available parents: Quinn's mother becomes available and he doesn't know what to do with it. Rory's father is becoming available but there's this truth thing between them. It's like they are exploring the whole world of how truth and mystery affect relationships.

No probs James. It is a strange country and for your information, we started debating about adoption for gay couples. Our highest court (supreme court it is called in the US i believe) has voted in favor of this, but now it is up to the politicians. Although they are now searching for means to raise the taxes without suspicion, after all they want to be re-elected in 2007. They came up with the increddible idea of raising taxes on the interests we make on our savings. appearantly Belgians have one off the biggest savings accounts, but as with everything, the 80-20 rule applies. So the topic of adoptionrights for gay couples isn't high on their list. Huggs, Peter P.S Can you do a split? This is a requirement for cheerleaders i believe In large parets of the US, which is hardly the most progressive country in the world, gay couples, who have few rights otherwise, can certainly adopt children. (California, for one, which is all by itself a large part of the US!) So I wouldn't dismiss the chances of Belgian couples getting it sometime soon. But I have certainly noticed one thing -- it's always a surprise. A place will have a bunch of progressive and a bunch of backwards features all mixed together with no seeming logic at all. Individual people are like that too.

I'm very sorry I didn't express myself clearly -- in this case I meant that, when Dom finishes one story, he can write another. And he can't write new stories if he doesn't finish old ones. -- I'm also sorry about the use of the word "whining" -- it's a word that some other people here have used for themselves, when they're impatient waiting or worried about ending. No intention whatever in chasing anybody away or ordering them around: my sole intention was to support the writing of stories the way the stories want to be written.

Thank you... but it really is time to end TOU. I

Now, if anyone figures out how to carve a pumpkin without making a big mess, please share What you do is you get an old sheet and cover a wide place with it and you embrace the mess!!! (moderation, see?)

Dom, your squiggle at the side of the post says you're 21. Is that out of date? A lot of the best writing happens with young writers, mostly because they just go and do it. It's not that people's writing doesn't mature and get better, but that people who write while they're young have an intensity to their writing (and are probably very writing-oriented to begin with so they've had more practice proportionate to their lifespans so far), and what they don't have is the timidity that makes people wait on their writing, or worse yet, write and don't finish or publish. (I do not believe that people have only a certain amount of good writing in them: that is, if you write good stuff when you're young it doesn't mean you won't write good stuff later: that's up to a lot of other factors)

Is that a serious question? If it isn't, forgive the next bit. It was "weblog" at first, and they were sites where people noted down the interesting things they saw on the web, with just a little comment to string the links together. I don't know when it started meaning web journals in general. Moderation in the alcohol, I hope, though . . .