Mychyl
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Alliesa walked over to stand next to us. "You still have two days, like Benito said," she said softly. "How you choose to spend them is up to you, but after that time, you'll no longer be able to stay in contact with anyone who knows you as you were before. Friends, family, no one." She sighed softly. "I know this sounds unreasonable to most people, but unfortunately, it's absolutely necessary amongst Guardians." I shrugged, a bit upset that I'd never be able to make things right with Tyler,
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"And as Benito states quite clearly, we are the Guardians," he continued, with a slight nod and an ironic half-smile to the kid. "We seek, at the most basic level, to ensure mankind continues ever-evolving in mind and spirit, reaching eventually for a state not unlike the Utopia concept humanity is so taken with." He looked at the girl, suddenly all business and seriousness. "Allie, is he ready?" The girl half-scowled at him. "Why do you always call me that ridiculous nickname, Chris? You kno
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I woke up, strapped to a table in a near-dark room, a single light shining directly into my eyes, and with the sense that I was definitely not alone. I tried to move, to look around the room, but my head seemed to be strapped down as well. I couldn't tell for sure, aside from moving, since I still couldn't seem to feel anything, just a pervasive cold through my entire body... great, I berated myself, my wish killed my physical sensations... but as a contrast-darkened form stepped in front of
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Ukiah's always been a painful place for gay teens to be themselves. What happens when one teen finds a way to forget the pain?
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The next few days passed in a blur as I fought to both remember and to forget, neither allowing myself solace from the pain nor suffering enough from it to get over it. I kept looking for Tyler, as though my scanning the campus for him would make him miraculously appear before me, and then everything would be all right. Strangely, however, whenever I started looking around like that, TJ always seemed to pop up, and he never seemed to mind that I wasn't precisely paying attention... with a few wo
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A couple uneventful, but stressful, hours passed, and I couldn't seem to find Tyler anywhere. Finally, after walking directly up to one of his classes, and finding out he never showed up for class, I figured he'd gone home for the day, and I decided to go to his house, hoping against hope that he was by himself... it might seem weird, me showing up at his house in the middle of the schoolday. Especially since I never went over there, not by choice. I walked home, getting my barely-used bike f
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I awoke to find him still cuddling up to me, our bodies still entwined as they were only the night before, when I'd drifted off to sleep. His naked flesh, pressed against me, was even now unbelievable, as though all this was merely a dream, something that I could wish and hope for, but never expect to really happen. Not in a million years. But it had. I moved, trying to adjust my arm, which was asleep and painfully numb under him, and he stirred, his eyes fluttering open, going wide for a sec
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We continued playing well into the early afternoon, pausing only to grab food now and then, and then, it was time for him to go home. I sighed inwardly, and reflexively called forth the icewall to keep thoughts of any happiness with him at bay, as he took off... though I noticed him glance over his shoulder more than once at me, and I couldn't bear to leave my front porch until he was out of sight. With a heavy sigh and a heavier heart that not even the ice could completely chill, I went abou
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I froze, in shock, as those words were uttered, not knowing precisely what to say or do. Tyler, however, drifted back to sleep, albeit somewhat fitfully, a sweet smile playing across his lips as he laid, sprawled out on my desk. I quietly left my room, stepping out onto the back patio. My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I reached into my pocket, fumbling at the lighter and cigarettes within it. Gods, I'd never needed a cig so bad in my entire life... I'd always figured that Tyler liked m
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School continued, much as it always does. The fact that I even bother to continue attending should be good enough for these morons, who are clearly bent on chaining my mind to their points of view and their beliefs. Not likely, though they can keep trying all they'd like. It's not gonna work. Long story short, the end of the day rolled around, and I could barely take three steps before I'm being pounced on from behind, with enough force given that I'm surprised to knock me to the ground. "
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I've had a dream my entire life. In my dream, there is a vast tundra. All I can see in any direction is ice and snow. The wind is fierce, cutting into me, driving me back two steps for every step forward I try to take. Then, just as I find the strength to fight the wind, I see a ravine before me, hidden in the white of the whirling snow, and I realize the cold, the wind, was all to protect me. Now, finally, I think I understand the dream. And I only wish I could have the cold to protect m
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[i]"He smiled... and I thought my heart could fly Diary do you think that we'll be more than friends?"[/i] When I woke up, all I knew was pain. I tried to move, to roll over, but my body refused to respond to my commands, and panic set in. ~I can't move!~ my mind shrieked. ~I'm paralyzed! What happened to me?~ Hoping to at least get a clue as to where I was, I tried to open my eyes, which let light in... blinding, painful light. I quickly closed them again, wishing I hadn't opened them i
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[i]"Now I can't wait To see that boi again..."[/i] The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully... for some reason, I never saw Kev all day, but I didn't really care to see him, either, so I wasn't too terribly worried. Zack and Johnny and I hung out during lunch, and we waved to each other as I left campus towards my house, a little hurt that they didn't decide to automatically come hang out with me, but at the same time, I wasn't so sure I wanted company right now, especially since righ
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"Dear Diary... One touch of his hand..." I woke up to the complete and absolute quiet of an apparently recently unoccupied house (which, other than the one, me, it did appear to be), and moved around on the couch a little, trying to find a clock, something to give me some sort of idea how late I was gonna wind up being to school... but first, I found a note addressed to me sitting on the coffee table in front of me, and recognized Ryan's handwriting. Slightly puzzled, I sat up and read the
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"Diary, tell me what to do Please tell me what to say..." "What're you guys talking about?" Kevin asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs, turning around the corner into the front room. "About the fight with Jimmy," I quickly answered, telling Ryan with a single glance to stick with the truth, but also to NOT bring up the subject of Jimmy's feelings towards me... I had enough on my plate as it was, without having to deal with Kevin knowing about that. So many secrets I had from Kev
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"Should I tell him how I feel Or would that scare him away?" Suddenly, I realized the time, and mentally kicked myself for getting into this situation... sure, I'd had a crush on both of these visions of perfection for a long time, but still, I had a thing with Kevin, and I felt like I was betraying him, sleeping with them. Which I was. I got up quickly, herding the two out of bed and pushing them to get their clothes back on, when Zack asked what was wrong... I couldn't lie to him, not
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"And I wondered, does he know what's in my heart I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe..." By the time we had finally arrived at the school, we had both decided that we couldn't let anyone know about us... except, depending on Jimmy's way of thinking on the whole subject, he might tell someone. I doubted it; he'd be risking his own hide, if someone knew his best friend since like forever was gay... but he might still say something, out of a moment of indecision... or the wrong word m
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"Dear Diary... today I saw that boy As he walked by, I thought he smiled at me..." Afterwards, it was safe to say I didn't expect that I could ever be quite that happy again. Not that I was really all that worried, since I knew that I'd still be happy with him, no matter what happened... it's just that, when he finally pulled out of me, it felt like a piece of me was missing again. And this time, I knew it was missing, so I was able to mourn its loss... and, of course, look forward to the n
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The story of high school life in Ukiah continues, and again romance takes a rocky turn as homophobia and teenage angst threaten to ruin the day.
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[i]"No one in this world knows me better than you do So Diary, I'll confide in you..."[/i] I woke up later that afternoon, hearing my mother's voice from somewhere downstairs... not a good sign, really, given the fact that here I was, lying naked and wrapped around a guy who was equally naked. And, of course, my mother couldn't ever bear to find out that her precious, darling son was gay... now could she? I jumped up from my bed, nearly knocking Kevin onto the floor in my desperate need to
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[i]"Dear Diary... I can't get him off my mind And it scares me 'cause I've never felt this way..."[/i] "What... the... fuck." Jimmy said, more a confused statement than a question, as he looked from my partially undressed body, to the bed where Kevin lay, his hard-on visibly tenting the sheets which covered part of his naked body, then back to me. "What the fuck is going on here?" he repeated, obviously completely confused by what his eyes were seeing. "Jimmy, it's not what it looks l
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[i]"Dear Diary... today I saw a boy And I wondered if he noticed me He took my breath away..."[/i] DEAR DIARY: It was a long, cold night, and I wanted to be anywhere but there. But there I was, stuck in the middle of nowhere, waiting on my friend to come pick me up, shivering with cold and a bit of fear... he was usually never late, and when he was, it was always trouble... OK, so maybe that's not exactly true... but he was usually never THIS late, how 'bout that? Finally, how
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High school is difficult enough. How much harder can it get for a gay teen? How about dealing with rampant homophobia, a best friend you like, and a girl who likes you?
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The rest of the day was tense, hectic, waiting for Chris to descend on Jacob like a vision of Hell... or worse. I couldn't concentrate in any of my classes, and I'm sure that Jacob couldn't either, since he was the one in danger, not me... I sat fidgeting through most of my classes, getting out of class whenever possible to run to whichever class Jacob had at the time, looking around to make sure Chris wasn't hiding off to the side somewhere, waiting to pounce on Jacob when he came out of the ro
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I didn't know what to say or do... riding in the car with Chris, speeding down the highway away from Jacob and David, but more importantly, away from the hurt and confusion I felt, was a good thing... I couldn't handle dealing with Jacob, not until I got my feelings on what had happened sorted out. OK, so I didn't know for a fact he'd done anything, right? Well, not exactly the case... I mean, he'd been in the bathroom... and the only people that'd been in there were in the one stall, having
