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ashessnow

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  1. ashessnow

    Graduation

    By ashessnow,

    So graduation was today - actually I just got home. It was interesting watching all the seniors walk across the stage. I mean, I've known most of them through choir or soccer or whatever, for about seven years. And now theyre gone. Laura is off to Pepperdine and Gavin, MIT. Taylors going to UCLA, and Sam and Maryann are going to NYU. All these people are gone now. There's promises of keeping in touch or whatever, but truthfully, thats it. They are gone now and I'm now a senior. Its a bit depressing and I will miss them all.
     
    Im writing more now. As I think I said in my last post, going through some MAJOR revisions and edits of older stories. I think Im going to try and find a publisher. Ive gotten a few (well two) things published in a few magazines, opinion pieces on the death penalty and medical marijuana (against the former, for the latter), but for stories its very different. I dont really think Ill get anywhere (we all know how tough it is) but I figure Ill try and work from there.
     
    Its summer and have a few things planned, mostly Hawaii to see an extremely old friend who I havent seen in about 9 years, but somehow kept in touch. Most of us had a friend when we were kids, the one you played doctor with or something (you all know what Im talking about); well he was that to me. Okay, truthfully, I fell in love with him - figured that out in therapy, and Joeys his name. I could say what we did together but I dont think Ill go there - but thinking about it I cant believe we did that. Now I dont think we'll like, do anything together, but hey, two weeks together - ya never know!
     
    Thats mostly it for now. Ill update when I feel like it. Later!
  3. ashessnow

    Prom!

    By ashessnow,

    So prom is Saturday. I really hate to say it but Im kinda excited. Im going with one of my best friends, Laura. We are so alike its amazing. She is also salutatorian and is going to pepperdine in the fall. And shes hot. Like REALLY hot. Like the-only-girl-I-could-ever-get-with-well-not-really-but-you-know-what-I-mean. A total catch. And she asked me! We really only knew each other for the past year but we totally click together. We went shopping for clothes together last week and got the hottest clothes for both of us. We look so awesome together! And then afterward??? PARTY!
     
    Sorry. So that was me gloating, and Im over it now.
     
    Yesterday I decided to look through everything I had written saved in Word: stories, poetry, essays and other things and I think Im going to do a huge revision of most of it. I mean, a lot of them I like (it actually took me three hours to read through all of it, theres a lot there) but I realized some of it sounded forced, like I stopped feeling inspired to write and couldn't think of anything else. But some of it was really good. I was really surprised how much I liked a few stories in particular. Eventually I might get the courage to post some up. But dont hold your breath.
     
    And with that said...Im not feeling inspired to write anymore. So, til later!
     
    EDIT: And I just found out Im going to see an very old friend in Hawaii this summer. Gods this has been an awesome day!
  4. ashessnow

    Well, here I go

    By ashessnow,

    I dont know if people are going to read this and honestly I dont care. Im doing this because Ive been told that I need to get my thoughts down on to paper, whether electronic or not. So here it is.
     
    Facts about me? Well, I'm currently 17 years old and a junior in high school. I live with a 2 great friends of mine: Stephan and Aiden, for reasons Ill probably explain later. I hate my job (data entry at an urgent care) as most people do but it pays well at ten bucks an hour and beats something like retail or fast food, so I deal with it. Currently, Im trying to deal with several (4) AP classes (Psychology, English Language and Composition, Calculus AB and Spanish) which are going well with only the AP English test to get through, which is tomorrow. Im bipolar but thankfully have a more mild form of it which, incendently, is thought to fuel creativity more then anything else, which is usually why I write. I love to write anything be it poetry stories or articles, and will probably look for a career in law, psych, or writing, or some combo of those three. Im in something called show choir and its probably the gayest thing a person can do in high school (even beyond drama) but its fun and keeps me busy. Im generally mistrusting of people and I take a long time to get to know. Im very honest and while my friends would say brutally so, they trust me to always tell them the truth. Thats really all the facts about me I can think of now. Ill do my best to post everyday, but if I cant, oh well. Tomorrow Ill post a bit more about me, my past, and the like. Mostly, 'cause to explain it all would take a while and need to start studying for my AP tomorrow. So, until later!
  5. ashessnow

    History

    By ashessnow,

    Rewind.
     
    The year is 1986* and two people, Suzzette and Manuel have just met and are falling in love with each other. They are currently in college and are, for a time, happy. After a few years together they decide to move in together and due to rather unfortunate circumstances, wind up living in Manuels fraternitys basement. To make a bit more money Manuel begins to sell cocaine to other students. Suzzette is unaware of this for a time and after the realization that things are pretty bad and might not get better, they both develop a slight cocaine addiction.
     
    Fast forward
     
    Years later in their on-again-off-again relationship, Suzzette and Manuel have decided to take a break. Manuel begins to see a woman he is related to named Yvonne. After several months together, Manuel and Yvonne decide to get married on News Years Day 1990. Suzzette hears of this through friends and decides that she wants to come to the wedding. Calling up Yvonne, she blackmails her into getting an invitation. Manuel hears of Suzzettes blackmailing and confronts her. They realize they truly are in love and that same night, December 23, 1989, the couple conceive their first child, a boy to be named A. Months later they wed while Suzzette is visibly pregnant.
     
    Fast forward
     
    A is two years old when the couple decides to split up for good. They do not get a divorce. A lives back and forth between his parents until about the age of five when he decides to live permanently, with his father. His mother will always resent him for the decision. Both parents meet new people, Manuel meets Cyndi, and Suzzette meets Rick. Manuel suffers from an injury at work as a furniture salesman which causes him great pain and eventually need to be operated on. This, however, leaves him unable to do most things with his son other than watch TV so A develops a deeper bond with Cyndi. In 1997 when A is 7 years old, on December 1st, his mother gives birth to a boy and A's half brother named Jared. In 1999 she gets pregnant again with a girl named Lauren. Unfortunately, after heavy lifting from a recent move into a new apartment building, Suzzette suffers a miscarriage. In 2001 she gets pregnant with a boy named Matthew.
     
    A is in middle school when Cyndi and Manuel begin to notice A developing strange behavior. His sudden mood swings and other symptoms lead them to believe he might be bipolar. Over the next few years the relationship between A and his parents deteriorates. A begins to stay out all night to come home home at 3 or 4 in the morning , then wake up to go to school. His extreme partying plus his recent coming out lead his parents to believe that they do not know who he is anymore and decide to throw him out of their house. They pack up his things and leave it all on the front porch with a note next to it. When he comes home that night and without reading the note, he takes his things and leaves his key. For the last few months of school, he lives with a good friend who let him crash with him, named Stephan.
     
    Present
     
    A is currently in high school. A lives with Stephan and another friend named Aiden while they go to
    college. Manuel and Cyndi pay for his meds, but other than that, there has been no contact between either of them in the past 4 years. After an attempted and failed relationship with his mother, he does see her out of love for his brothers who see him a few times a year.
     
    End
     
    *Everything in this post is the truth except possibly this date
  7. ashessnow
    --So this guy I know killed his father. Accidentally. The father had medical problems and they got into a fight which turned physical and he hit him too hard and killed him. He didnt know he killed him and left and the next day he found out when he was arrested. He was put in jail for a few days but was let go for now. So - theres that.
     
    -----What else has happened . . . oh! Uh, met a model who works at Bob's [big Boy]. Names Vianney. Italian. 6'2. Gorgeous. *sigh* Went out a week ago and going out just dunno when. We'll see.
     
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Oh! Im in a pilot! On Fox (did I talk about this?) Not as an actor but a performer. Got paid almost 1000 to do it. Its called 'Glee' and should air in March. Its directed by Ryan Murphy, of Nip/Tuck fame. Pretty coool. Filmed WAY back in november, but I forgot about it.
     
    (And on that entertainment note, go see the movie The Spirit! My friend Seychelle Gabriel plays 'Young Sand', basically, the young Eva Mendes. So support her and watch (even if its bad.))
     
    ---------------------------Im still a whore. Dont think that surprised anyone though. I did stoop to a new level when I . . .
    When I told a few friends though no one was really surprised. Kinda sad really, can't shock them anymore. Hmm . . .
     
    --I have hereby named my house, "Home for the Homos". Seriously. More and more people just keep dropping by and then never leaving. John, my good friend as been living here as well as his boyfriend Richard. Richard is . . . interesting. A gifted artist, he has a deal with 944 (a magazine). Hes also so skinny that mens clothing doesnt fit him, he wears make up and works at Hustler Hollywood. He's strange but - no - well hes just strange. But in a 2 bedroom 1 bath place, theres now 5 people living here. 5! If things contniue to stay as they are, we're going to have to move or someone has got to go.
     
    ---------------New shrink. Decided I couldnt trust the old one. Sad because it took a year of sessions before I thought I could trust him. No joke, a year. But I like this one. Hes nice. Brett. Seems a little green though. Dunno, we'll see.
     
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I have decided: People are simple. They like to think they're complicated, but theyre not. Part of the reason I never really bought into the whole psychiatry thing.
     
    Randomness: Favorite line- Sometimes I long for a little misery, though. It can be terribly romantic. My ex made me deliriously miserable.
     
    I should be going to sleep now. But I probably wont. Ugh.
  8. ashessnow
    "You have 7 more seconds to decide for your life
    Before my tongue becomes a blade and your brain gets sliced.
    I warned you before
    I'm addicted to war
    I was praying for Armageddon on the day I was born."
     
     
    School starts in a week. I will be a senior. I feel nothing.
     
    Joey came out here from Hawaii to see how I live. I think his first experience was a bit too much for him. Our deal was that I go out to see him in Hawaii for a few weeks and afterward he comes out to L.A. for a while. Once again though, I think my lifestyle was a bit too much. Hawaii was a huge change for me, very laid back and hang out type of thing. Joey and his friends were great and they just had so much fun together. I don't know, it was a different experience than I'm used to. It felt better really. Joey was just overwhelmed I think.
     
    So we're dating. Well, not really dating. I mean we got out and have tons of fun, but we're more than just good friends. Well, we should be I mean, hell I've known him longer then I've known my brothers. He was the very first person I had had any type of sexual experience with. He's leaving in two weeks for Hawaii so it's all really futile, but hey, we make each other happy.
     
     
    You really want to know my feelings on this place I live? Go here:
     

  9. ashessnow

    Bastards...

    By ashessnow,

    So I think Ive just cut three people, one an asshole named Jake, one was a fairly good friend named Kevin and the other would be ranked as close to best friend as you could get, Rafael, out of my life. As friends I mean. The problem is that we're all in the same show and classes at school, and see each other constantly for hours and hours. Its not like Im ignoring them; I hear them say stuff to me - Im sorry, It was wrong, blah blah blah, but I really just dont care. No thats a lie. I do care. A lot actually. But in my head its like, they ended this friendship when they did that. Now a part of me feels like I should let this go, but my head says no, they deserve it. They deserve to feel like shit. And what they did wasnt terrible (stole money from me, bought food together and lied a few times about it) but to me its like, I wouldnt do that to them. I really wouldnt and thats my problem. And, to me, theres a certain line you dont cross and they crossed it. And I know Rafael feels like shit cause he talked to my roommate (Aiden) and told him about the whole incident. Aiden knows me pretty well so I know he told Rafa why I was so upset about it (the whole line thing and that I wouldnt have done it to them). The other thing, is that, among the three of them, he should have been the one to "stick up" for me. The one to say, this is wrong and we shouldnt do it.
    I think it really comes down to the principle of the whole thing ya know? I wouldnt do it to them and they did it to me.
     
    Bastards.
     
    I think Im unsure how to feel about this. Too harsh? Should I let it go? Is it warranted?
     
    Oh, and thats the whole reason for no updates recently, going to school from 7am - 3pm with rehearsals everyday from 3-11pm were taking their toll. I think Ive done homework for one class, once this entire week. The good thing is that most teachers understand, so its okay. And theres 8 days of school left. Then, Hawaii! And Cancun! And Las Vegas! And ...summer school. But thats just to get ahead in school, so no I didnt fail a class. Okay, I have to be at the theater at 4:45 and I have a bunch of other stuff to do. So, until next time!
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