TMcCallahan

I must chime in with Cia. Gay romance has gathered a following mostly due to Kindle and eBook availability - essentially the ability of a reader to read whatever they want and not have anybody else *know* what they're reading. There's a definite illicit thrill in sitting on the subway train and reading what half the people in the car with you would consider to be a "naughty book." It's a vicarious thrill and a great number of people enjoy it and pursue it. That said, the trend toward amazing LGBT literature started long before Kindle became a buzz word. The best LGBT titles I have aren't on my Kindle app - they're on my bookshelf and most of them are so old they're dog-eared.Your blog entry made me think specifically of Like People In History by Felice Picano, which is one of my stand-out faves of all time. Now, if you want to write sex and you just feel uncomfortable doing it... then I highly suggest Elizabeth Benedict's The Joy of Writing Sex: A Fiction Writer's Guide. It's by far the best of all the texts I've read, reviewed, and used over the years. Benedict was the first to draw the line between writing sex and writing pornography - two different things - and that's usually the most important lesson we learn as fiction/romance/erotica writers. Best of luck to you, CG. I hope you do continue to write. Anybody who loves it should do it. Cheers - Tux

Wow - awesome job! Thanks Renee and a huge thank you to all the authors & editors who worked so diligently on this anthology. Great work all!!

I typed up a complete review for chapter one and the site ate it. So I sincerely hope this review shows up where it's supposed to go. I'm a huge fan of fantasy. I'm also a gamer, table-top and RPG, so I have a real love for anything that even remotely resembles D&D. And I have to say... Taranis & Fearghas remind me of Drizzt Do'Urden and his panther companion, Guenhwyvar. I don't know if you've read Salvator's drow series. If you haven't, you should. One of my comments from chapter one that remains true for this chapter is that I didn't find Fearghas believable as an animal. He came across more like a person trapped in animal form. I think specifically it was his speech patterns. He talks to Taranis like a person. I guess in my mind an animal - even one that could communicate with elves or other races - wouldn't talk like them. They'd have their own unique way of expressing themselves. As far as this chapter is concerned, my main comment revolves around the story Taranis tells Fearghas. First... he's a ranger who's experienced enough to have attracted and bound an animal companion... but said companion doesn't know this very vital history already? I found the entire set-up for the story obvious and heavy-handed. Like, I need a reason to impart this information to the reader, so I'm going to tell the story to my wolf. If they'd been sitting around a campfire it couldn't have been more cliché. Instead of telling this story, why not *start* your story in the past with Taranis fighting his father? You don't have to write the entire history or an epic. You don't have to write every minute or even every scene. You just have to write enough to make it vivid and SHOW US what happened. Take us through the horrible battle, make us feel every blow, taste the blood, feel our hearts pounding in our throats, then take us through his mother's death, so wrenching and terrible, ten times more awful because the reader will be present in the moment as its happening - not looking back at a memory. When the reader is with you for each moment, with your main character as each event occurs, the immediacy turns the volume up on the overall tale you're telling. It's so much more meaningful and moving than a story, flashback, or memory. If you readjusted to tell your story this way, you'd have the opportunity also to show us Taranis being a ranger in the wilds, as opposed to simply telling us, "he's an elven ranger" before you plucked him out of his natural environment and stuck him in the city. The closest most rangers ever get to a city is a town or outpost. Most eschew cities like the undead - as something wholly unnatural. Elves also general don't take to cities. So I found these details, unexplained in your narrative, to be stumbling blocks. You could get past that starting your story at an earlier point. Just some thoughts. Like I said, I've read a ton of fantasy and I edit for a living. I haven't read the other stories associated with this one. But really, all of the stories should be able to stand alone, independent of each other. I'll look for your next chapters. I'm interested to see where this is going. The conceit of the twins split half Fae/half Elf is fresh and has great potential. Happy writing! Tucker

I'd like to extend my sincerest thanks to Wicked Witch for taking the time to read my quite prodigious piece of fiction and for writing such a wonderful review. I'm deeply touched to know you think so highly of my writing skill and my ability to infuriate. Good to know. I can only promise that as the series winds up to its inevitable conclusion, you will want both hands free, and something far heavier than a frying pan. I'd also like to thank Cia for posting this lovely review, and for helping me out in so many little ways when I first stumbled onto GA looking for a new home for the "Dust & Ash" series a year ago. She was incredibly helpful, and I've come to feel like GA is the single best site on the web for me and my characters. Thanks finally to all my readers, the GA audience, who are the very best on the Internet, the finest in the universe, and without whom I would simply be a compulsive liar, with no one to listen to my wild tales of love, mayhem, fuckery, and happily ever after. Enjoy the rest of the series, and thanks again to all!

I fully & completely enjoyed this story. You did an exceptional job with your characters, your point of view, and your plot. I'm quite impressed. Overall, very well executed. Kudos to both you & your editor. This was an excellent piece of work. Thoroughly satisfying.

Not sure how I missed the last two chapters of this. I can only think I was so wrapped up in the throes of Dust & Ash's breakup drama that I completely mind-wiped on my notifications. Good grief. I mind-wiped on so many things in the last month... I really enjoyed this. I, however, think this was a much longer story that you cropped for brevity's sake. Sure, we have a beginning, middle and end, and yes, in a very rudimentary fashion the story is "finished." But not to my total satisfaction. You raised questions in your opening chapter, indeed, in your opening paragraph, that I feel weren't ever sufficiently answered. Who is out to capture and experiment on alien life forms here on earth? Do they simply just keep on doing it? No reprisals? And the work Dee was doing as a safe house before he met Sys... that just stops because he took a mate? What about the spot on the underground railroad (forgive my lack of a better term) that Dee vacated? We never hear from Jo'El if things are more difficult because Dee has "retired" from fighting the good fight. Indeed, even though the happy family is nearly captured and Luke shoots people (pretty violent for a kid) we don't get any details about why he's been raised to hate (I use the word because what other word do you use when you react with deadly force) the ignorant humans as opposed to viewing them with pity. He could've been taught to overcome capture by some non-lethal means, surely? Seems to me by using a method so "human" he turned out more like a human than one of his native species. Long story short (too late) is that the intrigue set up here is the stuff of novels, not short stories. This could've easily been 15 or even 20 chapters with everything fully fleshed out and realized. But I'm sure you know that. You're experience alone would lend itself to that conclusion. I'm curious if you see yourself ever expanding this? Thanks for sharing yet another lovely story with us, Miss Nephy. As always your talent and gift with the written word is a pleasure to behold. Be Well - Tucker

As a professional editor, I can see the merit in this advice for short stories, but not for novels, for supporting characters, but not for main characters. In my honest opinion, a writer should have main characters completely fleshed out. They should know what kind of briefcase their character carries, if he shines his shoes, and whether he prefers gold or silver jewelry. These are the details that make the character. So in a short piece, I agree - less is more. Broad strokes so your reader can fill in and imagine. Sure. But in a novel - in 50,000 or even 100,000 words - I don't think its possible to give such "broad strokes," nor do I believe any main character should ever be treated so cavalierly. That is moving from not insulting your reader to expecting your reader to do all your work for you. Quite frankly, if I received submissions that did that, I'd return them, and request they fill in the gaps, assuming I bothered giving them notes at all. Most returned or rejected subs don't come with "and this is what you did wrong" notes attached; they just come with the rejection. Sad, but true. Perhaps a bit more clarification in this piece about *which* characters it's best to use this technique on would've been appropriate? Just a thought. Be Well - Tucker

Huh. Well, I still like the idea of Sys preggers with the tentacle. But I guess your way is okay. I don't know how to feel about this new development. If the war on Sys's planet and the installation of this new "people's council" was such that they cannot accept a foreign species mate for somebody, or accept Luke as an unknown and innocent ill-begotten love child, then I don't see how the war or the council did any good. Or how the situation on his planet is at all improved from the hostile environment it was before. I think if Sys's people would kill Luke simply for who his other parent was and if they would have any issue with him having Dee as a mate then Sys, Dee, and Luke would be better off having Jo'el relocate them to another, more neutral planet. Maybe like an intergalactic Casablanca (which the Earth so isn't!) for creatures without a true home. Nice work Neph! XOXOXO ~TWM

Nephy, you're such a faker. So here's what *I* think is going to happen: that sex scene you have us where Dee's tentacle was taken inside the fertile compartment? I'm going to postulate that Dee's tentacles are covered in his pheromones during sex, and so Sys got pregnant during that round of intercourse with Dee's baby. Both Dee & Sys have been hurt and captured, and they're going to be kept, because now the "bad people" have a copulating fertile pair of aliens. And it will be up Luke to rescue them. Well that's what would happen if *I* were writing it. Awesomely good chapter, lover. Enjoyed every word. Xoxoxo ~TWM

I'm not unwilling to suspend my disbelief and go with Dee & Sys falling in love so quickly & knowing so little about each other. After all, Sys giving birth like he did would be enough to make them bond, & it's pretty obvious Dee is very lonely, & feels ostracized because of his tentacles. At the same time, Dee obviously lives where he lives & does what he does because there's a larger plot/scheme going on in the world. Somebody is taking or collecting these aliens and doing terrible experiments on them. Dee is part of a resistance or movement who's bucking that system, which is probably governmental or at the very least, commercial & well funded. My point is that I'd think Dee would be able to resis a pretty face just a little better, or at the very least, he might try to get more information from Sys before declaring undying love & unswerving devotion. What if Sys is the enemy? Dee has no idea who Sys really is, other than that he showed up one day, he's an alien, & he's given birth, which has never happened. So... Hmm. I'm not sure what to think. Is Sys for real and the trouble is going to come from outside, or is Sys the trouble, and he's going to destroy Dee? Either way, I'm eager for your next chapter. Nice work, love.

This was very well done. You captured the emotional flow here extremely well without letting the scene get bogged down, not an easy thing to do. But you rode the joy, fear, and wonder of the birth and underscored it just right with the horror of Sys's lover exiling him while pregnant & the research center wanting him to abort. Once again, Neph, an amazing example of your writing mastery. Exceptional work with this! ~TWM

Well that was quite enlightening! I'm going to make this required reading for any of the males here at Chez Wicked who start talking about wanting more rugrats. See if they're still keen on the idea after hearing how it *could* happen. Loved that, Neph. You're brilliant. I bow down. ~TWM

Great first chapter. I stumbled a little at the very beginning getting started, with the "white" paragraph. I think it was the repetition of the word without anything else to really go on as far as piecing the characer's perspective. You could get the same effect and add so much more if you used additional descriptive words. I'm not suggesting you take out the white white white everywhere, but tell us from his perspective what else he's seeing to go with it. Just a thought from the editor in me. Other than that this is a strong opening. We know almost everything we need for a great novel setup. You have such talent Neph. :-) its always a treat to read your work.

Good first chapter. Action is well-played. I think I'd like to have "seen" a little more of the info about the narrator rather than being "told" so much. That's something all writers struggle with in their revision process, I think. I'm def interested enough to keep reading, though, so you've crafted a good hook. Nice job!

I'm looking forward to the follow up stories to these characters, and to seeing how you develop this. I thought in the beginning that Jude could've been darker, actually, and that his journey could've been more difficult. That the betrayer of Christ was saved by a mere mortal was a bit of a let down for me - so I'm hoping there's "more than meets the eye" here and that we learn it in the other stories. Then again it was a mere mortal who supposedly died to save mankind according to Christian myth... LOL. So maybe the story is appropos! Good work, M!