bdvis

Aw yay this chapter was perfect.

This is really a story about depression. About how life can punch you repeatedly in the face and, if you numb yourself, you can take those hits without dragging yourself too far down. Blake was everything to me. The practical side of me thanks god that we were forced apart before our age difference could have a legal impact. But the part of me that was and had been (and, really, will forever be) in love with him for six years felt like it had been taken out back and shot in the head. But I h

"My confidence is back," I can remember saying to myself. It hit me while I was balanced on a log trying to cross a small pond. I was missing this. I had been defined by this environment my entire life, and trying to assimilate into a "big city" (as trite as that is) had taken away my life force. The aggression I felt had evaporated, the constant feeling of being... wrong, of being out of place, had vanished. Nearly overnight. I didn't call it confidence at the time, but it's evident looking b

I was in love. No, John and I weren't talking. No, I hadn't made any friends. The love I had for the outdoors disappeared quickly, owing entirely to the constant 95º weather and humidity that made walking a block feel more like swimming. Except swimming in your own sweat really isn't appealing. I read a lot of books and drowned my pre-teen angst in food, weight that I would gain and not lose for another decade. Summer got even more muggy and I started to my new school. I found I shared a class

Hell fucking no. Not on my watch. Lord knows it. But what on Earth can a 10-year old do when his parents say, "sorry son. We're moving across the country to a place called Atlanta, Georgia, to take care of your grandparents." Oh fucking joy. I'll tell you what you can do. You can suck your best friend's dick the night before you go because you won't get another chance. I started cursing at a very young age -- fourth grade, if I remember correctly. I wanted to seem more intimidating; older. I

I will tell this story as truthfully as I can. I may fail in parts and I may exaggerate; but wholly, this will be me. This will be an account of what brought me to where I am and who I am and what I am. I've always felt special, I've always felt set apart. Being one of the first children of a new age, one that psychologists and teachers would go on to call a "millennial", you must understand there was an expectation present and certainly always enforced, especially if said expectation wasn't m

Time to tell my own story.