Silverthorne

I have to say that the language that this young man is using is insulting, nuff said.

I am satisfied with how Elias has smoothed over Matt with Andy and Megan as well as the quarterback position. Jason seems to have made a good move in talking with Mr. Lunch about both School and his parents but mom is a loose cannon still.

Jason as I have said and read is trying to be the strong young man that he can be. The principle knows there is more and can do nothing at this time, his mom suspects there is more just because she knows her son and how he acts and reacts to trauma. I can only hope that she will not use the “God Hates Fags religionist crap” that we all know is hereditary in families as it was in mine. I feel close to Jason Settles he is one sweet young man with a lot going for him and I appreciate how he is willing to learn without diving in head first. Matt on the other hand knows where his heart is but he really needs to come out of his self made closet and be real. He and Andy have been a couple for the longest time yet Matt like Cole may have needed the time of commitment and non commitment to learn about themselves. My first lover was a soldier in Vietnam I notice him the moment he noticed me and we knew it was right at the same time. I have written about him in my Autobiographical Novel with all the ins and outs of our relationship. I have not met another with the time fulfilling intensity that we shared with such intensity.

While I am not surprised at the finality of Randy’s knots it seems that his downward spiral could have been handled a bit more openly and possibly fitted as an in between maybe it was.

Silverthorne; has seen as with the Jason Settles parents similar conversations between his parents finding that his dad admitted that he had been bi-sexual and Roman Catholic in the Navy during WW2. He was concerned enough to start asking questions in his RC Church and a single adult male who lived up the highway in 1958. According to my grandmother, my mom was the product of a rape by a man who was furious that he could not get grandma's complete attention in 1926. Mom's mother who has women friendships had been a professional Basketball player during WW1. Years later she told me that, "I had no interest in men my friends were life long but I had your mom to love." Mom screamed bloody murder when I came out; but I came out because she forced me to find out if it was a phase that both my parents thought they had grown out of. Yet mom had a dear woman friend who came to the farm house often as couples for various activities. They were carrying on and from the way they carried on I said one day, "Get a room". Did I grow out of it? Not hardly yet my needs as a gay male of 70 is male energy in my life. It is intense and very satisfying. Jason will have his problems with his parents and I do hope that Elias will bet them past the "GOD HATES FAGS" attitude since in my opinion "MAN CREATED HIS GOD IN HIS OWN IMAGE" We live in an era where I personally call it..."The adult version of the BOOGIE MAN UNDER THE BED." The way that the parents of young Jason acted I could see how true to form the conversation would have taken place then and now.

Silverthorne read the chapter and thinks that Andy even being concerned understands what the closet boy may be going into and of course he wants to help but since they are all to product of Elias it is best that for the time being he stays out of it. I am not at all surprised with Thomas and Colt wanting back to the couple status and as we know this is Elias in the raw.

During my Junior year in High School a lot of things happened one of the boys tried to rape me or at least what it did was to embarrass me enough to decide not to graduate from the Catholic High School even as I didn't want to transfer to the public High School in our district. I never told anyone what happened the whole year sucked.

Zarek & Jay I wonder if you have forgotten they are just kids, consider that maybe you are thinking a little to deeply. Elias once again you step up with the, "They are just kids " cautionary words which is true I had already spoken in my comment about it before reading this. I watched Queer as folk and if memory serves me right I purchased the DVD set for my library seems like this would be a good time to rewatch it in 2017. Even when I was out of the closet as a gay soldier coming back and living around other vets was hard with them being so hard core anti this or that forced me to at times deny myself too.

Andy flips off Colt as if he is the problem….Andy is the problem and I am glad that Thomas had enough sense to care about his boy friend knowing how things had been. I am glad that Colt chose to ignore the boy friend fight. No Andy that is just the crown of the dumb assed things you have let your cock do to your brain for some time now. You deserved that Mr. Andy then to try joking about a buddy fuck to make up, like really.

Right off the bat I have to say to Andy – “BOO FUCKING HOO” -; you make your bed and then get upset that you have to lie in it. Here I was beginning to like him, but it has always been Andy does what Andy wants. So here and now he does the back door antics with Dr. Walker who will make Andy be Andy like it or not with Andy's rules. As for Matt I had to laugh really gut wrenching when he finally sees the light and turns the tables on his best friend. Maybe they will settle in or up again we will have to see how the author smoothes this one out although the sparks make this a great chapter after the LALALA of several of the most recent past; but even at the end of the chapter it is still Andy being Andy. Thank goodness this is just a made up story of fiction.

This is probably more than anyone needed to know...I am reminded with this chapter of sex with Harrison, in August 1964, on my way back to my first paying job on a family owned dairy. I had a week off to celebrate my mom’s birthday. It was after a disaster of a weekend with a brother who used passive aggressive behavior for attention; it ended sooner than expected. I have written a chapter in the book I hope to publish. Harrison was older although not by much I was 17. He found me waiting for a greyhound bus out of Portland Oregon had a great come on that I laughed telling him I wanted it more than his tale revealed. He took my virginity or rather I gave him it with my first time. Scared the crap out of both of us when I climaxed. True story I had never even jacked at 17 from that good but stifled Roman Catholic family. Then as a senior my girl friend got pregnant as a senior in High School.

Well what are my thoughts on this whole 3 ring circus, Elias you have left the women and what they are all about out of this story, I is almost as one sided at Ann Rice and her Tale of the Body Thief. You will need to read the novel to understand what I am meaning.

Elias; I have spent so much of July reading and reacting to this story line, I would love to talk privately with you about your trip to Vietnam one day as I was there 50 years ago this year serving at Cam Rahn Bay where I celebrated my 21st birthday in January. Barry my soldier boyfriend and I had a special dinner at Na Trang early in our relationship. I had intended to put this down near the end of #4 and here I am writing of the boys in #5. The boys mean a lot to me and I am happy to welcome them back even as both Matt and Thomas left me a whole lot angrier than I had expected. Colt is showing immense maturity, Andy calls his roll comic relief and I am so heartened that Matt has not become a closet homophobe of which I accept as just another knot (love that term) in the LGBTQ-XYZ community.

We are left with some cliff hangers like where will Colt's experimenting take him. Thomas is learning to grow up and understand that everyone has the right to make mistakes. this leave Matt as the lone wolf as confused as ever. The writing for Knots 4 seemed somewhat convoluted and circular but it leave everyone somewhat safe to move on.

Funny how real these situations are playing out best friends and how they feel the need to make the hearts grow fonder. All Matt needed to do was hear that Thomas was dating a woman and Matt goes all Hetero his best friend Andy goes on a date at the same time and finds it necessary to give a blow by blow so what they are in closed or open relationship is once again in my mind nearly normal. I have siblings who find talking completely off the record the only way we can discuss anything seems to be in the mode of passive aggressive and then I wrote to one of the six with an unedited version of a conversation I had with our mother not to piss him off but to force him to be real.