Sebastian Bauer

Letter 84 1 May 2016 Dear C, What a beautiful day it's been today! The sun was shining all day and it was really warm. Do you go out at all these days? I hope you don't have to spend your days indoors anymore? I hope you get to enjoy the warm weather, fresh air. I was watching that stupid Britain Got Talent show last night and one married couple really got me. They performed a dance routine together and you could see the love they shared for one another. Simply beau

Letter 83 30 April 2016 Dear C, Another guy committed suicide last night. Apparently it happened around 3 in the morning. He cut his throat - well that's what people have been saying anyway, but I know how everyone likes to exaggerate here. Whatever happened - he is no longer with us. He was in building 7. That's where they keep very old men and very young ones together. I hope he found peace wherever he might be right now. Life is such a moment. Such a thin rope for

Letter 82 26 April 2016 Dear C, I woke up this morning and started to stare at my cell's door thinking that you were just about to walk in...! I don't know why. I know I dreamt of something last night, but I cannot remember what it was. The feeling was so intense though. I went to the gym this morning and it was insane. We did an hour on the bikes. It was good but crazy. Funny thing - this Jamaican guy called Jermaine sat next to my bike and he couldn't catch up with

Letter 81 24 April 2016 Dear C, How is everything? London marathon took place today, I bet there was proper chaos in the city - as usual. You know that for the last 8 years I have been always working during that day and I absolutely hated it. Especially in my last place. Everybody panicked the entire day - especially all these "stars" at the front desk with Jo leading the way. I must say that when I look at all these women in high heels from my workplace I feel sorr

Letter 80 23 April 2016 Dear C, I am writing this letter to you on this very, very cold (but sunny) Saturday evening. We are all locked up for the night and it's extremely quiet. No one is shouting, no one is banging against the door. This silence seems so loud now. I spoke to my mum the other day and she told me that you posted a new photo on your Facebook and your hair started to grow! How funny - in my previous letter I was talking about your hair and here you go. It'

Letter 79 16 April 2016 Dear C, It is now 8.30 in the evening and I am so tired. Half of my day today I spent at the gym. I lost another kilo. I am so happy it is going well. Hard work, but it's worth it. After they locked us up for the night (at 6 pm) I watched this movie we watched once together: "One Day". Such a tragic and heart-warming film - all at the same time. And I don't know why, as I was watching it I thought of your hair. Has it grown back yet? And

Letter 78 14 April 2016 Dear C, It's quite unusual for me to be writing a letter to you in the morning, but it's 10.30 am now and I just got back from the gym. I am properly tired but good tired. Last night I had another weird dream and I couldn't shake it off of my mind. I wanted to tell you all about it - as much as I remember hence I am writing in the morning. That dream was really twisted. Actually no, it wasn't twisted. It was totally fucked up. I was out of

Letter 77 11 April 2016 Dear C, The weather is getting warmer these days. I tend to spend more time on the yard, sometimes the sun is warm enough to sit on the bench and enjoy it. I close my eyes and dismiss the noise that all these people around me make. I disappear from here. I received another gym certificate - my third one. It means I have lost 15kg so far. Not bad! I still want to lose some, long way to go. I wonder if you could see the difference if you sa

Letter 76 10 April 2016 Dear C, I wasn't going to write to you today, but I need to let go off my feelings somehow. Lucia came to see me yesterday. When I walked into the visiting hall she was sitting there already waiting for me. The moment she saw me she started to cry. It broke my heart. I was trying so fucking hard not to burst in tears but I couldn't help it. It was so, so, so good to see her again. We talked about so many things, people we know. We tal

Letter 75 8 April 2016 Dear C, I have been listening to that stupid prison radio on TV. It's all very "gangsta". Each day they have an hour where they read wishes from families, friends and loved ones they wrote to prisoners across the country. I started listening to it and it really made me upset. People who committed the worst crimes can still be forgiven and be getting messages of love, yet I am stuck here with nothing even though I didn't do anything. I wonder if

Letter 74 7 April 2016 Dear C, I have been painting a lot recently. The moment they lock us up at 6 pm - I get my brushes and paints out and I sink in to the world of colours. It's so liberating. And I am using the cheapest art tools possible, so I wonder what kind of colours I could achieve using something more decent. I finished the painting of the old man. I painted an old men sitting on a park bench. As a kid I remember seeing a lot of older men sitt

Letter 73 6 April 2016 Dear C, I have just woken up. Everything today is cancelled. All education courses, all work, all movement. It's due to staff training. It also means we will be locked up in our cells for the entire day and night. I don't really mind, to be honest. Sometimes less of these people I see the better. As long as my demons won't come to visit me here in my cell - I'm ok. I can spend the entire day painting. So it's the first time that I am wri

Letter 72 1 April 2016 Dear C, I must say this week have flown by which is a good thing.I was assigned to level 2 of music production classes today. I'm glad that I can be more creative. I shall start on Monday. You know, prison is like a separate country. I have been observing and learning how things work here. It's not necessary the knowledge I planned to ever gain, but you can't change your destiny.You can modify it a bit, but you can never change it for sure. Guards are

Letter 71 29 March 2016 Dear C, Today is what could have been our 3rd anniversary together. Doesn't time just fly? I know it doesn't matter anymore, but I couldn't stop myself from mentioning this. Maybe next year I will not even notice it. I hope. I had this surreal dream last night. Your sister and I were in the kitchen making you breakfast. Full English. You were somewhere upstairs. Once it was ready I went to your room and as I walked in you were putting the r

Letter 70 25 March 2016 Dear C, So it happened. I jogged on the yard today. Oh my God! DJ made me jog almost 2 km! I thought I would die. Each lap around the yard is about 250 meters long.I did 2 in one go first and thought I would collapse. Then I rested for like 5 minutes and had to jog 2 more. DJ is cruel! Then somehow he forced me to do 4 more! How did I do it - I don't know. All I know now is that I cannot walk. Everything hurts.And let me tell you somethin