I am really hopeful you're doing better, and your worrisome absence is not a sign of the opposite, and that would be OK too, just letting you know people who you might not recognize if you came across, do care and think of you often and wish you safer days.
As you said it is an uphill journey, and I as a fellow depression sufferer, am very grateful for what you were able to share. Even though we are almost at opposite ends of the spectrum in our depression triggers, if I could call it that, it helped to read your words.. so much. More so because you were able to lay yourself so completely raw but crystal clear. I say this because a large portion of my issues, is what I'm guessing is a solid barrier of rationalization that prevents me from clarifying my emotions even to myself.
I am not the point here, I mention it to you so you feel your impact on many people far and near, and they are as thankful to you and admiring of you as i am. I care.. and if there's such a thing, I hope the vibes travel to you and give you a little hug if that is what you need, or even a pat on the shoulder. Wishing us both less turbulent minds. Alia