manshimajin

Canon Blaze you set me thinking over the weekend - one of the enduring images I have had through life is the attached that is from a National Geographic book called 'Everyday Life In Ancient Times' that my brother and I were given when we were young. As I grew up this painting of a Greek potter and his helper always stuck in my mind and may be a subliminal influence on the old/younger relationship of Andre and Jason. Often I have wondered what would happen when the day was over and fantasised about it, thinking of the older man teaching the younger one the ways of male sexuality.

Canon Blaze, thank you very much for your comments - and insights. I found your comments both helpful and very thoughtful. In retrospect I think ttat it would have definitely been better if I had explored Jason's sexuality at the start so the relationship with Andre's own desires might have been more erotically tense. You mention Andre being unyielding - I was not quite sure of the meaning of your thoughts - if you have time could you explain this a little more for me please? I am thinking about Chapter 2 - no doubt this will involve the guests' desires for Jason and the blossoming of his own sexual feelings. Your idea about Andre's response is fascinating - I had not really thought of this angle. Also will Jason be a submissive or dominant personality? I suspect the former is more likely. Many thsnks for your kindness in commenting for me, Manshimajin

Darknightwood, Thank you for your encouraging comments. In retrospect I understand what you mean. I found it a big challenge to try and deal with the seduction scene; to make it both emotional and real. If I had included Jason's questionning of his sexuality at the start of the story it would have made this scene flow more easily. Thanks for the idea. Also you make a valid point about timeframes. The nature of a short story means that events that occur in real life over days, weeks, or even months are compressed into one day. You were very kind to write.

Hi, I have recently posted my first attempt at writing, At The Rose Hotel, at the eFiction section. If members have the time to give some feedback and constructive advice it would be very much appreciated. The aim was to write something that had a clear story line but that also featured speech - the latter was quite hard to do. The one reviewer seemed to be OK on the story but found some of my expressions made him laugh (when they were not meant to). It would be great to know how to reduce this effect and to improve my style. If you have a look at the story could you let me know if its worth continuing with a sequel? May I thank in advance anyone who gives feedback - much appreciated manshimajin