darknightwood

manshimajin, I loved your story. It is so hot - truly arousing in its sexuality. Fantastic first effort. Now I've got my breath back from reading it may I encourage you please to keep going? You have taken on board a number of difficult challenges and are doing just fine. Your writing style is great. Just a few comments I hope will help you... Speech itself is difficult to get a flow into - you are doing remarkably well for a new boy on the block. Some of the dialogue was incredibly intense and evocative. You may want to tone down just a little on occasions. The story line was cleverly constructed. Your character, Jason, has been faced by you with a real dilemma! It might have rounded it a little bit if he already had thoughts about his own sexuality before taking the job, What do you think? But I just loved so much the 'naughty' nature of the hotel and its modus operandi. Would love to find one like that!!! That was great. Most of all though I could feel you really trying to come to terms with how a youth would feel emotionally when facing up to a gay lifestyle and losing his virginity. Obviously stories have to truncate this watershed. But you tried so hard both to give some sense to the conflict in his mind and to the irresistable desires of the hotel manager. It was soooo sexy! I wish I'd been either of them, I was sweating when I read it (so congrats). A sequel would be stunning - please do give it a go - I can only imagine what could happen next - I'd love to read it.