Who4m1

Mmmh, I suppose that depends a bit on the people you surround yourself with. Personally, I can say that I'm pretty sure I know who my real friends are. And I trust at least most of those. Real friends are on the first front concerned with your happiness. So if they have a somewhat good judgement, they will be able to see, if you have a good partner that makes you happy. And if they do not really get along with one of those partners, they will at least try. On the other hand with a potential partner it should be similar. If he cares about you and your friend is good for you, then he will try to get along with him. And I do think that civil people that try to get along with each other always will be able to do that at least on some level. Therefore an acceptable state should be reached that way. Also the chances are pretty good that after a little bit of trying they will start to actually get along with each other, because after all they both are your friends and that usually makes already some similar interests and opinions. (After all it's actually not that hard to grow on one another.) However, of course this doesn't mean that a perfect level will be reached, but I think it usually would be a level that you could be content with. Nevertheless, that is the idealistic version. Since there always can be flaws, some bad situations can develop. Personally, I trust my friends that they have a good judgement, when they even should start to judge. Because as long as there are no major flaws and I'm happy, they really have not enough reason to be against this partnership. But on the other hand you may be that lovestruck that you can't really see clear and your new love may just be a dick and not the right person for you. In that case it actually is the duty of real friends to warn you and make you aware of that. That may be not a nice situation and it could lead to a few heated moments. But it would be important. And it would be a good indicator to take a step back and try to get a clear picture of the situation. There is a possibility it could end up bad and you would be forced to decide for one, then it really just depends on my picture of the situation and it could go both ways. I would just have to hope to make the right decision in that case. However, as mentioned before I have the trust that I'm pretty sure that my friends only would only mention concerns in a loud and meaningful way, if they are really clear to people that see the situation clear. So I would definitely take those concerns very serious. In the end those would be the extreme cases though. In most scenarios my friends would just arrange themselves with my new partner. And maybe they would critizise some specifics of my behaviour. Because if I were to take up some bad habits or exaggerate with some behaviour due to my enthusiasm, they would and should mention that. That is the right thing and we often need a little bit help with self reflection to adjust a few things. Nonetheless that's far from attacking my new partner or express serious concerns about our partnership. (The other way around with the partner mentioning aspects of my behaviour in connection with my friends and him would be similar.) Overall, I think that it usually would only come to this situation if I'm an idiot. I'd hope that I would be able to realize that with some help (and by taking the concerns serious) then. Could always come to the point also though that you find out that one of your friends (or your new partner) have not really enough maturity to deal with those issues accordingly. You would just have to hope that they overcome their shadows then (or if it were to go really really bad, to be happy that you found out their true face and are free bad influences – that would be the real extreme case though). I think that all above sums the central aspects of my view of such situations up. Situations always can be very specific and special though. Hope you had a nice time reading and wish you a good day. Who4m1

Well, I had something similar to a prom, but the couple thing was not really that big there. Most people just went with their families anyway and didn't really have a partner. It was pretty great and fun though, but probably just different to a real prom. (And so I - like many others - just didn't have a partner, but still had fun. ) The way it was this whole discussion/topic just didn't really come up though there.

That with your uncle really sucks. And with your cousing as well. But we will stay strong and make it through, together as a society. Best wishes to you, your family and everyone else who reads this.

I always got a little bit nervous when it came to Halloween. It never really was my thing. I didn't like getting scared and I absolutely hated clowns. And by that I do not really mean the clowns in the circus, but the scary ones. Do you remember those horror clown pranks that were trending a while back? I always feared that I could be targeted for one of those, because that would have been hell for me. I didn't tell many people about it, because some would just see it as invitation to customize

Memories of a special Halloween evening from a teenager.

Well, I always liked reading (although that doesn't mean you always have/take the time for it). At some point I wanted to read a few more stories about gay people. Due to that I found gayauthors, liked some of the stories there and read a lot there for the next while. There are really some jewels there. (Although sometimes stories can also be heartbreaking.) One funny thing: I mostly searched for completed stories, because I didn't want to read a story without an end, where you would have to wait for updates with pauses between them, if you want to know how the story continues - I definitely came to the right place here. 😄 I think the first story, after which I decided to look up more stories from that particular author was Connor's best. At that point I realized the similar style with some other stories and that I liked it. It definitely were those (completed ) "daydream" short stories that brought me here (like "Connor's Best", "Boy Valentine" and "Written"). After that it was a fun game to play "Have I read that?" - "And do I know that?" Of course I still hadn't read the majority of Comsie's work. (I mean, more than 6 million words...) But there were quite a few stories that I recognized. I realized for example that I knew "My Only Escape" already. It didn't take too long and I had found the community behind it and started to participate a bit. Sometimes it is really funny, that I'm really new in comparison to like almost everyone here. Let's hope the best for the future of the shack. Who4m1

No, I don't have anything I regret there. But it's always an interesting question, how people make their decisions on things like that. There are people that just try everything and realize then what they like and what they don't like. And trying things out is good. Sometimes it is necassary to know what you even want. But that way you will have some experiences that will not go to as you expected, some even bad. Having some of these always is just a part of life. If you regret them or are glad that you learned something is dependant on the specific experience and another interesting question. On the other hand you do not need to try out everything. I think that actually, if you really think about it, you can estimate many things pretty well. On some topics there will still be uncertainty and you should not be afraid of trying new things. It is necassary. Nevertheless think about it, before you do. You do not need to place your hand on the hot oven to know that it is hot and will hurt you, if you place your hand there. In some situations the outcome is just really clear if you think about it. There still should be the benefit of doubt, but if it's clear that you don't like something, you do not need to do it. At the same time you also have to estimate the possible consequences. How bad can something go? Tasting just a little bit of some new food will usually give you neither health problems nor nightmares. Getting into a relationship with an abusive person to see if it might go well can be a really really bad idea. We can never be entirely sure, how something will go. And we should - we need to try new things out. Avoiding that entirely is a bad idea. Even just trying something to know for sure afterwards, that it is not your thing can be extremely valuable. But it always is a good idea to use our common sense. Don't brood too long about things, but take a moment before you decide. Don't let it stop you from doing new things, maybe crazy things, but try to avoid the things that certainly will end bad or injure you heavily. Those were some general thoughts of mine. And at the same time it is bad to overthink things. Some may be contradicting, but you always need to find the right middle. Sometimes really funny to see how different people handle those things. Part of me feels like what I wrote was not much more than hot air, but there may be some truth in there. Hope you are having a good time wherever you are. Who4m1

Sweet, sweet chapter. A few nice jokes and then a classic cliff hanger. ^^

Ah, break ups. Interesting topic – and another one where I have not really much experience. I hope not too much of it will be added in the future. I think there are different approaches on that. Some people just do things and find themselves in the same relationship after two or three break-ups. But I am not such a person. Before I make an important decision, I think well about it. I am not hasty. And breaking up is a big thing for me. Usually I would not get together again with someone that I had a breakup with before. It possibly is just a bad idea and led by strong situational emotions that are not enough to sustain a relationship for long. For me there would be really few situations where I would do it. However, there are exceptions. You have to look at each example individually. And the important factor for that usually is the reason or the reasons for the break up. You can sort of try to build a case for getting back together and the question you have to ask then is “Why will that reason/those reasons not cause the same to happen again?“. And I would only really think about getting back together with that person, when I can answer that question well. When I can sort of prove to myself why that is not likely to happen again. And for many of the possible reasons it is diffccult to do this. If the reason is “We just stopped to love each other.“, well then I would think that can easily happen again. For many other reasons like personality issues with the other person it would be similar for me. However, there is a huge gray area there. In my opinion people definitely are able to change. That is no question for me. And if you were completely certain, that the person you broke up changed about the thing that caused you to break up, (and everything else is fitting) then you could get back together again. But everyone will say that he has changed and I think that few people actually change. So just believing them instantly will send you on a path of much hurt, because those problems are likely to resurface again. So you should be really sceptical about it and not believe them unless you have strong reasons to believe them. What makes it even more difficult is that it usually is a mix of reasons. Most issues can be worked out, if both sides really want to. A break up can be an indicator that there are more areas of the relationship that are in a bad state. Maybe the love simply is not that strong. I think that in general, if you broke up before, then it is likely to happen again. That's why I usually would not get back together. That may sound a bit harsh for some. But as I said there are different approaches. For me it would take a lot to break up in the first place. And if I believe I'm in a relationship with my “the one“ and he loves me, too, then I would just not break up. Almost everything can be solved in some way. Now you are usually not completely sure about that. That's the nature of things. But I would not break up with someone without good reason. I believe that on most things people deserve a second chance. If jealousy is a problem, then you can talk about it and try to solve it together. On some things you just have to work. But if both persons want to, then it rarely is a real reason for a breakup. However there definitely are a few lines that you just should not cross. And if the other person is important enough for you, then you will not cross them. (Just as a random note here: Honesty is huge and really important thing for me between people that truly care about each other.) A breakup is huge and usually hurts. I wouldn't do that thoughtless. And on the other hand if you broke up with me, the scenario is similar of course. If you want to get back together you have to explain precisely why you broke up with me and why that won't happen again. And if you can't, I won't go back to you, even if I still like you. (Sometimes it can be good to take a pause for a while, you do not always have to break up.) But as said, there are exceptions. Sometimes there is just real character development going on. Some just do not know what they want when they are young. And for gay people there is this angst and coming out-phase that can cause a break up, where it can be worth to get back together later. There can be good reasons. Occasions on that a broken up couple really should get back together. And there are good stories that illustrate nice examples for that. An interesting example that every person of modern pop culture should know ;), is the main story line of “How I met your mother“. (Spoilers to that series ahead) Because the protagonist Ted is in a relationship with Robin a few times. In the series they always break up again and always for (more or less) the same reason: Ted wants to have children. Robin does not really want to have children and wants to pursue her carreer. Otherwise they are a good couple and love each other, but that is an issue they can't really solve. However in the end of the series it comes out that in the present from which the episodes are told, the mother of Teds almost grown up children is dead for a few years and Robin single again as well. Since Ted has his children and Robin was able to follow her carreer, that is a scenario where it at least could make sense for them to date again. That is a special (and for some fans of the series a bit controversial) example, but in general it is possible that getting together can be the right decision. Each situation is to be looked at individually. How the breakup went, influences the situation as well. Whether both sides decided mutually that a breakup is the right choice or one person broke up with the other shifts responsibilities in terms of coming together again. Summary: Breakups are (in my opinion) a big thing and should not be taken lightly. It is possible that getting together is the right choice, but you should be careful and sceptical enough about it, making the reasons for both breaking up and getting together clear for yourself so that you not just get into a doomed relationship. (The will to believe that a person changed, the fear of loneliness and the pull of a few good memories for example can be strong. On the other hand two people can achieve a lot if they are willingly to really work together.) Hope it made sense to you. Have a nice day and maybe smile a bit. Who4m1

Well, that question is difficult for me. I hope I don't get lynched for my answer. LOL xD Because I'm not really a horror fan. I mean, I can respect people liking it and all. It just seems to be not the right thing for me. Of course that doesn't mean that I don't watch them at all. They can be entertaining from time to time – just usually not my favourites. Those genre classification are always a little difficult for me anyway. There are many movies that are not clearly one genre. But how I understood it, horror is closely related to the scare factor. And that factor is completely lost to me. On the one hand I don't really know what is that great about getting scared by a movie, but on the other hand I don't think I get scared by movies anymore. I just don't. There may be scenes that I find disgusting or nasty to look at, but not really scary. It's not like I couldn't be scared, I can be scared, just maybe not by movies? Maybe I have seen too much too early for that or maybe I just haven't seen the right movies, because I was never out to get the hardcore ones out there. (There may be a bit adrenaline generated here or there – that's not that difficult for movies, but no real scary impression that stays. Maybe the overall genre just doesn't touch me deep enough.) Or maybe I just don't like being scared and decided not to be scared too much by movies. XD So I actually had difficulties to come up with a favourite movie here. I thought of a few that were okay, I guess, but definetely not enough to be called a favourite by me (I guess I can be quite critical). But I think another effect is contributing to that: Because the genre lines are that blurry sometimes, there are probably a few that others would call horror movies, but I interpreted as something different. After all those genre designations always are a little subjective. But I would guess that' a minority. Fortunately you just asked for “scary movie“. There weren't many really scary movies for me. That said, I am considering my memory just might be crappy or that I perceived many movies with a little bit of scare factor in a different way. (Sometimes you just see well built atmosphere that can be really great as part of the movie) Anyway, actually, I thought about it for a few days, but I really had a hard time remembering any scary movies. (As said my memory might just be crappy) So I will take the prime example out of my childhood. In my childhood there probably were quite a few of other examples, but there always is this one that I'm remembering well. While our parents were out for one evening my brother and I watched tv. We even were allowed to watch a specific show, but we just kept watching after that. I don't know exactly how old I was back then, but I would guess it was between nine and eleven or something like that. I definetely was young. Zapping we stumbled across that one movie – and that movie was scary for me back then. It was “Jeepers creepers 2“. And maybe the worst thing was, that we just watched the first twenty minutes or something like that. So I, then still a little boy, just saw a flying dark black something that takes away several persons, usually without really being seen as more than a black something. And it was just worse, because I knew nothing about the backround story. I think (I never really watched the movie) they even fight it later in some form. With knowing or seeing it it wouldn't have made that kind of impression. But I only knew those few scenes that stayed with me. It took me years to find out the name of the movie. That all being sad, even that effect wasn't that bad. It didn't keep me from sleeping or anything like that. (And I don't think it was really a good movie.) But if there was ever a scary movie experience for me, then that was it. So that is all I can contribute to that topic, I guess (huh, a lot of guessing from me today, I guess). Probably I just forgot all the scares. They are not that desired by me anyway. However it's amazing to see how much fun some people can have with it. Oh, and by the way I practically have seen none of the mentioned movies. And you mentioned a whole lot, especially you, River and Comsie. Yes, at some point you found something. I mean, I watch movies and I even would have said I know a lot movies, but most of the mentioned are completely unknown to me (and wow, that were many if I add them up). At least I've seen “A Quiet Place“ and recognized a few other ones. I might have seen a few more of them, but not many. I mean, to my defense, some (or maybe a lot?) of the movies are just too much older than me. And “Shutter island“ for example was a movie I enjoyed, but did not think of in this context. It didn't really seem scary to me, but interesting in other ways. But after all, I guess I just am not a real fan of horror. There are other genres/directions/things I like much more. And yes, yes, yes, okay, that was enough. I'll leave now. But have a nice day nonetheless

I have to admit in this series Miguel was my clear favorite (regarding good looks and cuteness). But I can see your point. (And on that occasion I also was reminded again, how much styling can change. Because, while Xolo Mariduena is to me not really that cute with some styles I saw him with outside this show, I found him gorgeous with the style he usually had in this show. (I think it's mostly the hair and that he is completely shaved.))

That is an interesting question. It always is an interesting balance between writing your story your own way and keeping it realistic. At the same time you always find the most important struggles of an era in some of their stories. Stories always develop out of our own thoughts and thus are heavily influenced by our state of mind. Therefore Corona definitely will be displayed in a lot of works and that is a good thing. However, I would guess that for the fact that it influenced many people around the world really heavy, changed the life during this time, that in relation to that fact it might not be that many stories with it (that feature it directly, indirect influences are something different). While it's possible that I might make a story with Covid, too, I probably will also tend not to include it. There are a few reasons for that, that probably can be found with other authors, too. Options for storytelling In stories usually things happen. Usually things that are in some way exciting, even if that may just be a day of school with some social interaction. In Corona times now a lot less things happen. Of course that can be very different depending on your job and the area you live in. You definitely can write a good and exciting story out of this setting, but if I'm at the point of starting a usual story, it feels much easier, but also more natural to start in an everyday environment without many specifics generally. So I rarely would include an unusual state at the start of a story. That in corona most lifes (or at least mine) got mostly more boring (if you don't count the new distancing methods as exciting – and boring doesn't mean all bad here, but I think you know what I mean with less exxciting stuff happening) gives more reason not to include. Also included in a later point in stories, it would usually limit the things you can do as story teller, deny the possibility of some things. I just see not enough reason in general to include it, I'll later feature the side of realism more. This point overall is no real reason not to include it, but the reason for you to include needs to be strong enough to outweigh the deficits that may come with it or you need to like/support the way that changes your story/the setting of it. Nonetheless it may be, that I'll write one or a few stories featuring corona, if I want to later. That could be really fun and interesting, too, but most of my stories probably won't feature it. Forced importance of corona We have established that we want to keep it realistic in most stories (there can be some funny exceptions). Now if we look at our life right now, how much it is changed, how we behave, but also about what we think and what we talk, there is really much of the corona crisis. If you look the news, chances are pretty good, that more than half of it will be about corona and related measures in some way. Since corona impacts society and our life in a major way, it is absolutely logical that it is present. But if I now want to write a story, I need to depict the mind of the protagonist in it. That means, at least in the way I see it and would realize it, there will be a lot of corona. That way corona is forced as an important topic in some way in those stories. You can't just say that there was corona in a small sentence with some of the measures taken and then never mention it again. And also in conversations and a psychological way it would be present a lot. Of course you have a little bit scope you can use to adjust it to your story, but it would be very present and I think there is a good chance, that it may take some of the focus of other topics, maybe the main topic you want to write your story about, away. To mention it here again, there are definitely ways you can make it work and good, but there are some dangers. And since it will be a part of the story that is not too small in many cases, I also think that there might be a danger of repetition, of similar struggles happening too often if you were to write a lot of stories that are always with corona. But a part of that thought is also that writers and readers can just become tired of corona which is the next point. Escapism There often is a little part of escapism in reading stories. You don't necassarily need to want to escape your world, but you are going to a different world to dive into the mind and problems of some other person than yourself. Now that in itself is a wonderful and fantastic thing that is very diverse. However, you can say that for reading a story there usually needs to be something that intrigues you. And there can be topics that you really just don't wanna deal with - that could be for many different reasons, some very personal. Now for the moment corona is not my favourite topic in a story, because there are so many other possible topics and I had so much effects of corona and so much life in corona times in the reality already. Doesn't mean I will put a story away just because it features corona or anything like that. But I would rather here about a person without the same limitations as us at the moment and with different problems and struggles, because I feel like the struggles coming with corona and the necassary measures are topic often enough in reality already. Could still be that I will read or write a good corona story in the near future, but that is my general base feeling about it. And combined with the second point of automatically happening importance of corona that means for me not writing many corona stories. Universe I intentionally closed the topic in some way in the point before, but the relationship you have as an authors to your universe is such important and exciting that I need to feature it to. It is a topic you can discuss a lot about and learn a lot of different varieties. There usually is no clear wrong and right, there are many ways you can handle the universe the story plays in or think of it. And I do think that it can be really interesting to change it up as an author for a story once in a while. There is the opportunity for some special stories that way. But there is one way I usually go with for my stories. I choose a start point. That already can be a fictive world, but it also can be the present like it is now or like it was two years ago. And then it is a parallel universe where I can more or less free say what's happening. The greater parts always need to remain realistic for me in some way. That doesn't mean that I won't start a story with fantasy elements or an apocalyptic scene, but it needs to be mainly coherent and the actions of society and the characters need to be plausible. (And that means to me. I sometimes feel like some people don't understand that, but being stupid and forgetting some other good options to solve a problem is very plausible for many human beings.) But I will forge it in that framework. A great example for that: Two years ago many would have not believed that a virus would come and impact our life that majorly, so actually many virus stories are plausible in some way. On the other hand since many people would have believed that to happen, a world continuing without a virus with that kind of impact is very plausible, too. So I feel like it's ok for most of my stories not to include corona. However, corona is likely to be part of the past in the stories I will write later (for example twenty years from now). And by the way: Though that may change, I usually don't define the universe too close for many stories anyway. For example I usually do not feel the need to include or even specify in which specific year it plays. But as the excessive use of the world “usually“ implies that's just my general feeling. It is something that always depends on the specific story and its different aspects. (Maybe I will try a few more specific stories in the next time - or maybe not. Let's see. ) And for instance the type of story you write can always mix things up. You could start to write a series about people just dealing with life and current developments which means not only corona, but in general (maybe 9/11, Donald Trump, other political or social topics and whatever). Or maybe you just want to feature recent developments as a regular side kick in a bigger story. If you choose that mode, then of course including it would be the way to go. (Just corona could form some kind of exception if it may crush your story or the possibilities of it going on the way you want.) But there are many possibilites. The relationship to the universe as an authors and the balance of keeping enough realism overall is a huge topic that can feature big discussions on its own and comparisons of different styles. And especially in terms of keeping a bit of realism I feel like you have some kind of responsibility as an author there, too. Concluding while there may be stories featuring the state where corona is present, the majority of my stories probably will be without corona or feature corona only as a past event. However it depends on the story and you can definitely do it both ways. Hope you had fun reading, that I didn't write too much nonsense and that my main points came across. Have a nice day!

That can get personal and says much about a person. For me that is one of the topics where I fluctuate between both extremes. When I'm comfortable I can be very talkative. I like to discuss things with others. Before important decision I often have tried to get a second opinion of others before I actually decide anything. And when something is occupying me a lot, when something is important to me, then a part of me definitely likes to share that with people close to me. However, I am clearly more the private person. Usually, I won't show if anything is bothering me. While I have no real problem with sharing thoughts or parts of me in itself, it always is a conscious process. And there need to be the right conditions. That left me pretty closed down. And there is also that part in me that likes that. It's easy and safe to go through and solve things yourself. While getting a second opinion can be good, they can be much more misleading than a little bit of smart thinking and analyzing for yourself. Talking about that here is a little bit tricky, because there really are those two different sides in me fighting and my actions can vary day by day, but I would say that the private, closed down side is clearly dominating. And I do feel sometimes like I would like to open up a little bit more, have more persons to share personal topics and talk with. But as I said there need to be the right conditions. I can't just tell anybody everything about myself. I can't just dump my problems or other deep thoughts on someone just because. Or well, theoretically I could, but that's just not me. There needs to be some kind of personal relationship. I need to feel like that person deserves to know. But that doesn't mean the high standards “deserve“ could imply. It's not difficult to reach that point with me. But I think the most important thing is interest. There are a few exceptions, but in general I just can't tell somebody something if he isn't interested. Or rather, I really don't want to. If I think a person is not interested in what I have to say, then I will stop saying anything meaningful. That person doesn't deserve to hear it then. On the other hand I answer every question that I am asked, really few things are for me of limits there, and if you show me you are interested,.then I gladly share my thoughts, knowledge or whatever topic it is about with you. Right now there are many things I never really shared or shared relatively late. I think I'm settled in in being pretty private. That also has its perks. And with a few secrets you also are able to surprise people. I definitely know how to wear a mask. I think that's enough for now. (Oh, and I often am interested in other persons and try to always be a shoulder you can lean on if you want.) But on another note it's interesting how many similarities in the posted answers to this question are showing so far.

First! XD I had to do it once in my life. And I will change it into an appropiate comment.

And there is the long awaited and good climax. Randy's feelings are really relatable. Enjoyed reading. Took Randy quite some time to tell his mom, but everyone has his own unique journey regarding that. Just sad that it does not always turn out as well as in this story. (Oh, and as side note one more time (in case you didn't read it before, I won't annoy further 😇): there is a little incosistency with the chapter numbers right now. This should technically be chapter 66 and the last one chapter 65 (I think that is right everywhere except in the gayauthors title.))

Aw, yeah, that's a great feeling. Thx - ((Hugz back))

"Long answers are welcome." - I hope you were sure about that. Well, there is definitely always some of the „verbal punishment“ lingering around. After all, what happens to us is a crucial part of our person and changes us. I mean, of course we are in some way also more, but everything that happens to us affects us and becomes a part of us. Now there are of course very different levels of impact. I think the soil metaphor is really something you can work with. We are like that soil, more or less accepting every seed. But on the one hand some things are just stones to us, that have no real prospect of growing. And if you are a cold climate tropical plants have no real chance to grow as well. And you can come as a gardener to your own soil and try to exterminate all weed. But of course it is hard to find everything and pull out every root properly. Also if there is already a full grown tree, you won't be able to simply pull him out. You will need some help there. I think many people don't realize the extent of consequences their words can have. You need to be careful what you say. On the other hand most things you say do not matter too much. It is not worth to stop talking or always only choose words that try to be nice. After all a bit of spice usually improves the conversation. There just should remain some level of awareness. And of course that is especially true, if you are special to someone. Noone can hurt you as deep as the ones you love. Idols have a pretty important function here, too. Even small things they say about you can have a big impact. That often makes it a bit difficult for celebrities, because hardcore fans will remember and care about everything the celebrity said to them. And even silence can have big meaning and impact – can be even more devastating – so that there is often no way around it. In general I think it is important to take into account the good and the bad. It is exactly the same for positive comments and statements about us. Depending on the topic and context they can stay with us, change us and have a big impact. And it always can go both ways. Comments that were meant nice can be devastating and malice comments can make us a better person. (Btw: (short digression) It's an interesting question what is more frequent. I am pretty sure that nice comments having positive and malice comments having negative impact is more present, but there are examples for the opposite quite often, too. You shouldn't simplify issues like that too much, but I bet some of the really arrogant people out there, that sadly actually exist, got a few well meant friendly comments too much, while some people were motivated to great and good things partly to prove wrong earlier comments of hate. In any way I definitely urge you to prefer the use of nice comments, because I strongly believe that that is better. And although not all people understand that, friendly criticism is a nice comment, too.) Additionally to the person also the formulation and the topic count. The words of a stranger usually are not going to have a huge impact on you. But if he starts talking about a topic that is sensitive to you what he said about it may stay with you. Also formulation and the meaning, that are two attributes you can't always separate well (so I will just not try to) in this context, can be crucial. It can just strike something deep in you. And I would say about all of these three key ingredients (author, topic and formulation/meaning of the message) that one alone usually can make a conversation important, so that it influences you. (That being said there usually is more than one component working together.) -If you only talk with your absolute idol once in your lifetime, then you will probably remember every word he said to you and even more the ones he said about you. -If you are really sensitive to a certain topic, the things that get said about it usually will stay with you for a while. -It is not easy to create something that has big influence on people and can change them just by using formulation and meaning (especially because topic is also always mixed up a bit in it, too), but you definitely can find some words and stories out there that moved many people without necassarily being from a famous person. Another thing that you can't ignore is the amount of conversation about the context. -If you would start to live with your idol and talk with him all the time, then not every word would be important to you. It would just get important again if you would start to talk about a topic you never have talked about before. (If you have a best friend and talk with him all the time, then you do not care about every singleword as well.) But if your best friend was always quiet about how he thinks of your family and then says something about it, then that can be huge. Especially if you find something in his formulation/meaning that is striking you as recognizable. After that you may look at a certain family member or your family in a different way. -And no matter how sensitive the topic is to you – if you talked about the topic for hours with different people (let's make it a hundred here as clear example) then the opinion of on stranger will not really matter to you. On the other hand not talking about something at all can easily make it a sensitive topic. (You usually can see that effect well on some teenagers that were being held away from anything sex related.) In general you can see that at how important and memorizable first times are in many context. Of course there still has to be a relevance of the topic. Never talking about something does not necassarily make it sensitive. Note: Not remembering does not always mean having no impact. Some parts of our memory always fade away, but the first time we hear about something usually has impact on our view of it. (Occasionally more than we realize.) That being sad influences also do not mean „set in stone“. If you heard something bad about a group of people that might make you hate them for 5 years. You could overcome that and love them after 10 years, because what you heard was wrong. The words still made you hate them for 5 years and therefore had quiet an influence on you. (That influence was just overcome by other influences that decreased it's impact. So the sentence „There was a big important experience back then that really influenced me, but it's not really part of who I am now.“ could make a lot of sense and describe some situations well. Although a small (maybe really small) thing would usually remain in some way.) Another great example for sensitive made topics can be appearance and beauty for some people. If your natural beauty is all everybody talks about, a single statement will not be that important to you (except from a really important person :D, but I will ignore those possible exceptions from now on). But if you never really get comments on your looks, then a stranger telling you „you look nice“ or „you look beautiful“ could be a memorizable event. And if that would happen a few times, then that could change your personality (for example by a major confidence boost) a bit (and every single time would already have an effect). I would definitely remember someone telling me „you are beautiful“ for quite some time. Our society developed in a way that made such statements usually rarely actually said in my experience, although often thought. But of course the real beautiful people do not need to hear it the whole time. Nevertheless it is something you can bring people easily great joy with – if you let those that do not hear it that often know that you see beauty in their appearance – and there are some really beautiful persons that actually just never got to hear it. I mean, don't make them all arrogant, but sometimes it is nice to let them know. -And if you hear the same meaning over and over again, maybe in slightly different formulations, then at some point not every single time will be important for you. You will just be like „I know, I know. Of course that's true.“ But sometimes the first time you really hear a message/meaning in the right way can have an uncredible great impact. Some people turn around their whole lifes after such occasions (although usually there are other reasons involved, too). The amount is btw something where I think that the limits of representation in the soil metaphor are reached. (Although you maybe could say things like if many seeds land in a similar place one is less likely to become a big plant, but at that point it begins to get far fetched.) It does not cover all aspects of the topic, but there definitely is truth in it, especially regarding the context it was introduced in. So there can be really different levels of impact. And I would definitely say that all things have impact on some level, but if the impact is or becomes small enough, then you can neglect it. As indicated by the word becomes, the impact on our personality can change. There can clearly be impacts that stay with us for the rest of our lifes. Unfortunately some people that get told prejudices (for example about gay people) in their childhood are never really able to remove that. But there also are many examples, when the impact is fading or just overcome by new other impacts. I think that in theory there is the possibility to deal with all your past transgressions. Then their impact can become relative low and you could start all over. But that is something you would need to work really hard and wait a while for. Because every time you are severly wounded, some kind scar remains. And it needs a long time until a scar is not visible (or detectable). Some scars may heal over time to that point, but many don't. (Soyou would probably end up still feeling some consequences of past transgressions.) After all, our past is what really made us the person we are. And where something really important and big happened in our life usually always remains something special. If you have ever lost someone really important to you, that will never really go away. Especially in that way, that you will always be able to understand the losses of others in some way. But of course we can change the way the topic affects us. And that's in my opinion mostly what healing is about. It's not about pretending that the experience never happened to you or to completely wipe it from your mind. It's about not being affected in a negative way by it and maybe even get some good out of it. Many topics will never get really positive – losing an important person is always terrible and will remain sad, but you don't need to fall into a depression every time you hear about it. Again that's mostly what dealing is about in my opinion and it's always different. Dealing with a loss can be devastating for some and just a minor hurdle for others. Those others may have more problems in dealing with mobbing or abuse experiences. Everyone needs to go their own way. However, while it rarely goes away time usually changes it into a smaller factor. Usually of course means that there are exceptions and it isn't the time that really causes it, but with time sometimes other influences may come that overcome the past ones. If you lose as child a grandparent that you really liked, but only saw a few times a year, then that already may change you and be an important experience. However, twenty years later it's usually not important on the same level anymore due to minor other influences. And when one of your parents dies, that probably has been closer to you, then that experiences will replace much of the impact your grandparents death had on you. There probably is still some of it left though. And something as important as the loss of a loved one (be it parent, lover or really close friend) can stay with you forever with an impact that may only lower slowly. And since I used a few non-verbal examples here, I will say explicitly: I think that the impact of words or „verbal punishments“ can be quite the same as the ones of actions or other forms of experiences. Of course you do not often find verbal impacts on the level of the loss of a loved one, but there is no fundamental difference in structure. And while the average impact by verbal punishment may be lower than the ones of extreme actions, it is dangerous that some people are not aware of how much it can cause. Especially by high frequences. If someone important to you tells you something day after day after day after day, that often can have a higher impact than any particular action. There are many examples of this. Mobbing and systematic exclusion from groups is another and does not even need to be physically stated to have a devastating impact. But while there are less extreme examples for that, same goes for the positive effects that we should not forget. We should not single out the negative side. And being reassured and soothed by a loved one that tells you you are a wonderful person and more, can be such a powerful thing and slowly compensate negative verbal punishments over time although it usually needs some time to do that (and it doesn't mean it will ever go away completely). And yes, there are almost always some issues left open that affect your behaviour and pop up from time to time. That is perfectly natural and all right. And some of them may be only caused by verbal expressions, others maybe reinforced by them, some caused by other experiences and many by some kind of combination. Issues does not mean that they are in a state that should/needs to change. It just means they might show up in one form or another. I mean, it's okay not to want to talk about every topic. And things like abuse or the loss of people are always sensitive in one way or another in our society, even when they are not sensitive in particular to a present person. As I explained with regards to dealing with it, that the issues might be showing is not bad. The question is how they show. You would have to behave in some way anyway and if that way is influenced by more knowledge about a topic or more empathy with a certain group of people, then that actually can be a pretty good thing. But I definitely think that you can find many cases out there where you could trigger a worse reaction. However that really strongly depends on the person. I think that there are also many cases you could get people to actually get violent by grinding and triggering. But I would think for instance that you would have a hard time trying to get me to be violent. Simply because violence would not really be in my box of tools on reacting to something like that. Some people already react to simple insults - without much bad context - with violence on some occasions, you could trigger them to be violent. But I do think that you can get unexpected reactions outof many people if you drill deep enough with your comments. If you try really hard and find the right topic you might be able to get an unexpected outcome from me, too. Although I think that would for me still be other ways than violence. I mean, people do not always what they think they would do in that situation, but I'm pretty certain I would just take it really personal and – depending on the level the person overstepped their obvious boundaries – just lower our relationship - in the worst case the person would be dead to me. (Although I might go to court if he starts to spread lies or inappropiate half truths, but that usually is already way different from pressing on an issue and triggering.) On the other hand I couldn't really be angry, if the person couldn't know it and did not ignore anything obvious. Then I would probably be a bit sad and just eat it up. But that was just a bit of speculation on my possible reactions. There really is a wide fiel of possible reactions. Really sad are those possible situations when someone reacts on the outside mostly by getting quiet and the other person goes on and on drilling deeper and triggering without even realizing what they are doing. I wonder what would happen if you would go on and on about Comicalities eyes. xD That probably is another (concluding) prime example of the effects of verbal expressions – I'm pretty sure nobody drilled into his eyes or really touched them otherwise. Just people talking - and it weren't even insults as far as I know. But it's nothing he would ever need to worry about, because everybody has some topics like this – it's not a necassarily bad thing. If anything it adds a bit of character in my opinion. (As long as your reactions to it are not too bad. Going rambo after some weird comment of a person or similar things are never really good.) And I almost asked myself if I would be brave enough to do that eye-thing to Cosmicality (that means intentional tries to trigger), but then I realized, while for some others that may be a question of stupid bravery, for me that would never really be an option, because to leave the issues of other people alone if they ask you to, is for me just something about respect that should be natural to everyone. Although just a little bit of forcing can help when a person should deal with something and is just not dealing with it. But forcing alone usually is not the solution there. And a little bit of banter about some of the things can be a really nice thing, too. You just really should try to be aware of your boundaries there (and in general) which can be a difficult thing. (And btw: Comicality, if you read this, sorry for including your eyes. Please don't come for me! ::makes a scared face::) To summarize: There can definitely be a big impact by verbal expressions. (And it does often lasts longer than we are aware of.) This really depends on the combination author, topic and formulation/meaning of the message. Frequency can also reinforce effects. But there are both sides of effects, negative ones as well as positive ones. So be aware of the impact your words can have on some people. Care a bit about what you say, but don't let it affect your behaviour too much otherwise. That it can, doesn't mean it does all the time. Common sense and a bit of empathy usually is enough. Just really be aware of it and do not completely turn off your brain. Hope you had fun reading. I'm sorry if some parts bored you. If you never hear from me again, Comicality probably came for me. Who4m1

Well, this is an interesting, but also pretty wide topic. As said, I think that it is a really genre-related issue. Or, because Genre can be a really vague word sometimes, what does the story want to tell us? What is the main thing, it is all about? Everything told in a story needs to somehow fit in naturally. Sometimes (and I think this view is really helpful to express my feelings about the topic) I think about protagonists as a friend. Usually the protagonist is pretty much the person that tells the story. You could just imagine, you are at the position of a really, really close and completely trusted imaginary friend (brotherlike, or maybe you are a brother xD) of the protagonist. What would he tell you? That is pretty much, what I think should be in the story. Since you are really close and trusted, he would talk about all the important feelings and issues he has. On the other hand, usually he can not tell you, what he does not know. Well, and he definetely still would not tell you everything. I mean, I usually wouldn't tell in a story about my life, that I hurt my toe in the morning. This just could sometimes help emphasizing, that that day was just really crappy. To get back to the sex topic now: Usually the details of sex are not really that important. I mean, if I think about my best friends (that are brotherlike) I wouldn't want to hear any details of their sex life and I would probably stop them from telling and they know that, so they wouldn't tell me details. But of course I would want to know the major informations and important things. I probably would want to know, if they did it and how he feels about it. And I think that's the status most stories are in for me - and that is from my experience more or less what you get. But of course not for all. The most important is the protagonist. If the protagonist 40 years old, I doubt he would be the person that talks much about his sex life and his imaginary best friend would not want to know about it. Of course it's completely different, if it's a 14yo boy, that just had his first time. That's major for him. He would want to talk about it and probably also to share some of the details. (Remember trusted friend in a safe zone that is closer than what most people have in their lifes.) You can generalize few things there, it is all about how important it is to the protagonist and what he wants to tell. If someone was raped, that, the first time you do it after that and how you deal with it, are always important points, that would be so relevant for the protagonist, that you could not leave them out of the story. On the other hand we have a lot of examples of stories about love. And (at least for me) love is actually not about sex. Of course sex is usually part of it, but if I would want to tell a love story, it would be all about the feelings connected with it and while being together, that special feeling of happiness is important, not any details of the sex. And then we have relationships, that change everything again. Because if you display a relationship of the protagonist for a long time, then sex is always an important thing in this relationship. Not the details in particular, but if they have sex at all and how often. Without the need of any specific mentioning or concrete numbers, but usually you would need to have an vague idea, if they do it regularly or not at all. (I also recently read a autobiographical story on gayauthors. You could see really well there, which sex situations were important to the author and in which way, which scene was described in more detail and in which direction of detail.) It's all about the relevance and importance of the facts to the protagonist and the story. I mean, it would be really strange, if Superman suddenly would need to share details of his sex life with you. He is saving the world for god sake and that's what it is about. Who wants to hear about sex in that context? (It actually could get important though, if the lack of sex because relationship troubles would impact him. But that would only get a mention, no details xD.) And I feel that it is right, that many stories don't go in too deep into that, because it usually feels fitting and natural. If you are on your quest (maybe in a fantasy land) or even more common: you have your war with somebody (nation or personal arch enemy). I honestly would not care that much about sex. Surviving or winning or ending the war is just more important then. And that's what the story is about. Of course it still needs to be mentioned, when it happens and is important, but there would be no need for detail – hello we are at war, why would you take much time to describe the flavour of your lover? (It's different, if you describe the feeling of love, because that would probably matter to you.) And it's honestly quite the art to surprise your readers always with new ways of hinting and implying the sexual actions you need to know about without actually naming them. (Writing it directly of course has its own art, too.) I feel like you need to listen to the personality of your protagonists and do what seems natural – in both directions. Usually that means for me no explicit sex scenes, but it's totally different if something plotrelevant happens there. (I heard from a friend, that you couldn't understand the censored version of Game of Thrones that well, because many intrigues were made in the bedrooms ^^) And there are also a few occasions, when I would think: „What? You behaved and seemed that horny (maybe for a specific person or just at all) for the whole time and now you did not even talk about the sex or the feelings connected with it??? But I also need to mention explicitly, that there are genres, where the sex really is important. And not only because the protagonists may be horny teenagers, but because of the relevance for both protagonist and topic. If you read a story that is about dealing with your own gayness – maybe you are even especially interested in that, because you want to find out, how to deal with your own gayness, then I feel it is a part of it. Not for all stories, you can write books just about problems regarding family and if you should stay in the closet or come out, but (I would guess at least so, I always may be wrong) most people and therefore also most protagonists deal with issues or questions regarding sexual details at some point. I mean, before bottoming for the first time, there is not that rarely a bit of fear or at least insecurity involved, that is very relevant to the person. (The first sexual encounters of a person in their life are usually pretty relevant in my opinion, though not necassarily the details.) And it would just put a major hole in stories in that context if you try to eliminate all sexual descriptions. (Same for some other stories that deal with topics more or less explicitly connected to the issue. I could definetely name quite a few of stories by our beloved Comicality for example that would miss something without any sexual explicity – though he has also shown that some stories work great without it.) Summary: For me it's mostly about the relation and relevance to the protagonist that determines, if sex should be in the story. For many stories and genres that means that sex should only be mentioned or hinted at, while there are stories and genres for which it is crucial to have some level of sexual explicity. It needs to fit into the naturalness of the story. (Doesn't mean you can't skip them if you want to, you may just miss something that is/ feels important to the protagonist.) I think that covers most of all narrative strategies (even many omniscient narrators), but of course all may change if you use drastically different methods of telling your story than the use of the perspective of a protagonist. I hope I didn't write too much. Hopefully nobody is bored or offended by reading this text. Have a nice day.

I was actually quite shocked, when I heard stories of people, that got left by their partners, because they outed themselves as bisexual to their partners. That has to be brutally. Then again, there are many people out there, that have weird takes of relationship and love. If I were in love/relationship with a bisexual person (time of outing not really important) I wouldn't treat them any different than any not bisexual person – or at least try to. Because honestly, if gay relationships are difficult in your environment or you just haven't fully accepted loving a man, yet, then the possibility of a relationship with a women you love could be a great tempation. So there would definetely be an initial fear there and I'm pretty sure, I would make my partner promise not to leave me, just because of the opportunity of a relationship with a person of a different sex. He would need to soothe those fears a bit in the beginning, but I'm pretty sure, he could do that easily by reassuring me a bit. I am also certain, that I would not just leave a partner for a partner of a different sex. For leaving a partner I would always need damn good and morally approved reasons. I usually have high moral standards for myself. To be honest I also think that for many, that situation would not really be that different from gay or hetero people – I'm pretty sure, for me it wouldn't. There are always other hot people out there. Whether of the same sex as your partner or not. And it is a similar moral decision to leave a woman for a man or a man for a man or a man for a woman or... Well, at least I search for love. And when it's love, you don't need to change to a person of different sex, because it is not all about the physical. And you would not want to ruin love for just a little bit of physical pleasure. That's just the same as that you wouldn't risk a good relationship for a hot afternoon with a stranger of the same sex as your partner. Or at least I wouldn't, because there seem to be people out there, that actually do that. As mentioned, the exceptions for this are major issues with the environment our your own selfacceptance. And I'm glad, that I do not really have to think about my environment. I also think by now I'm stable enough in terms of self acceptance (hopefully - probably not completely though, but stable enough for now and for that kind of situation.) However in an extreme bad environment for gay people (by extreme, I mean EXTREME, extremes are always good for explanations and tests) the situation would change. I probably would advice bisexual people I love then to find a person for a hetero relationship if they can and therefore wouldn't be able to invest completely into a relationship with a bisexual of the same sex as me. But for that it would have to be really bad. Honestly, I do not really like to think about such scenarios. Much would be different then, I'll just enjoy my tolerant environment, in which bisexuals do not need to fear many things. I don't think I ever could do an open relationship btw, for me relationship is about being two and giving each other love, but also security (to be loved). An open relationship would jeopardize some of that and cause some fears for me. So nothing for me – I can see the idea behind it though. I also feel the need to state here, that while I already feel unexperienced in life at all, I really have pretty much no actual experiences with bisexuality. So you may want to weight other comments on this topic heavier than mine. I am really curious though, in which forms I will encounter love in my personal future – you rarely know for sure.

Awww, that really sucks. I feel you. Best wishes for her. It's really the most frustrating that there is not much one can do. (except the rational behaviour that should be obvious after being said so many times) I just hope for the best.

Nice, simple story about a kid that has moved and a lost moment so far. Good (though not very deep) character initiation. Everything for a nice, little short story is there. Just makes one long for the second part of the story, because it's obviously not over, yet. Particlarly nice teasing for the climax by the lost moment. I'll wait for the climax and it'd better be good. (The potential through a good setup is definetely there. ^^ ) Nothing extraordinary or deeply moving, but perfect for the section "light-hearted" and a little entertainment. (Thx)

And sometimes I ask myself if it is/ I am weird that I have regularly (deep) thoughts like the ones expressed above that not that many other people seem to have. And if it was a good or a bad thing to answer that with a yes. (Don't wanna distract people and make this thread about myself though, but people always can just ignore what I say if they want. )

I think that opening text of this topic actually joined my imaginary hall of fame already. There is so much truth and importance in it. It's not the exact set of words that matters, but the different ideas I extract from it. Like that it really just is amazing, how written words can transport those powerful feelings, how they can make you feel the experiences of another (even fictional) person. It can enrichen, but also teach us in so many different ways. I sometimes wonder how many unnecassary conflicts could be avoided, if people just would take the effort to understand other perspectives. Reading (and sine other ways of story telling) can do that at its best, there we really feel that perspective (of course only if you allow yourself to). That is something truly amazing. (I sometimes wonder btw, if you maybe need a level of empathy, to experience stories in that way. We can't really compare what is inside of our heads. If that is so, I really do not envy those who are not able to embrace stories in that way. I'm really convinced anyway, that experiencing stories in that way (especially reading, because usually it is able to transport more than other media), strengthens our empathy. We absorb some of the opinions and perspectives of the protagonists, but always also from the author, because he gives us a small impression of how he views the world. We do not necassarily need to share or adopt those opinions and perspectives, but we understand them and that makes us able to see the world in a more differentiated way, gives us the opportunity to form better opinions, check them for misstakes (because we all misjudge sometimes) and back up our thoughts. It truly is gift. It makes me also think sometimes though, how difficult it sometimes is to just start meaningful conversations and express deep thoughts without inhibition in everyday society, but maybe that's just me.) But there is even more: Over a small touch/hint of "The world is an inspiration in itself and you should occasionally take your time to just see how incredible and fascinating the complete thing is. It will empower and inspire you." to the the more complex topic of "you need to expand yourself.", because diversity benefits us so much. Of course you should generally stick with what you like, but never forget to try something new once in a while. And that means really wanting to, because just starting something to quickly toss it aside after a few moments will not really bring you close to its idea. Nowadays it is so easy to stay within your bubble without even recognize it, that we sometimes just forget to look out for other things, other opportunities and perspectives. But to breach limits, to get out of our own comfortzone, lets us evolve and is important for our character. Doesn't mean I'll stop digging through the millions of words comicality provides for us anytime soon, but I'll try to remember that there are even some good authors other than comicality that need to be explored. xD Honestly, sometimes you slide past some great things, just because you never got to know them. And how should a kiddo born in this millenium know how to find the greatest stuff out of the last one? Sometimes people just never care to enlighten you. That's another thing good and true friends (includes family) are important for. Especially because they can filter some of it. I mean let's be honest, I don't need to know and understand everything in the world - sometimes it is just bullshit for you and sometimes you only need 3 seconds to realize that. It's just about keeping an open mind and not letting your prejudices restrict you too much. And another thing Comicality always tries to remind us of subtle: Being thankful for the things we got, and that also means the things we tend to forget or not cherish enough is important (and with the right mindset also a bit self-fulfilling). You see Comicality truly knows his education duties I mean, I probably interpreted more in the text than the authors initially intended, but that's exactly what this is about. The text up there does not need to attempt to find the perfect words or use sticky formulations. It does not need to claim being a big or important statement. It does not need to be, but it still includes and hints, sometimes just slightly touches many important topics and ideas, I didn't even name them all. I did not need to read it more than one time to feel it somewhere in the back of my mind when brushing over some of the topics hinted in other situations enhancing my ability to judge and form an opinion without restricting me. And there it will stay, maybe forgotten by the conscious mind in a few months, but not completely vanished, like almost all we absorb. See what I did here? I looked closely and was able to value something for myself that some others may not have seen. Maybe I wrote a bit much, you are free to judge. But looking closely and seeing more than just the simple aspects of something also has a value in itself and should be practised occasionally, ideally just by being open to it. Seeing more than just the simple aspects really can expand your horizon. So for me definetely a text to be remembered not for a great choice of words or moving me emotionally, but as a great example for texts, that offer something in many aspects. Also props to the author in this regard. Btw I think I'll also take the quote " with me and maybe enhance it somehow for myself. Really has a nice cling, is a funny, but serious statement at the same time and transports a feeling for all who know/understand that feeling. I guess that became overall a bit more of a moral speech and idealization than I wanted it to, but hey, maybe someone can take something away from it. (I would like it to be just a slightly bit immortal, too, someday )