MrM

Hell, I'm still trying to figure out if Noah and his crew were even human at all! 😮 Everyone is, though . . . just to err on the side of discretion, Russians are not known to give up on things easily. But, perhaps that is fodder for another story. We shall see what the Hallas think of Brian in the next act: The Northern Lights.

We're coming up very soon on the fateful 'I Love You' in future chapters I'll be writing soon. It is a unique feature of Finnish culture I learned. It makes 'I Love You' mean a whole lot more when the words are sacred.

It’s been a bit slow this year. Sorry for that. Been a difficult year. Thanks for sticking in there with me, Lux.

Really! There ARE guys out there that look like Link from Legend of Zelda! Laovann is one of them! https://www.deviantart.com/laovaan/art/Hyrule-Warriors-Link-Cosplay-505388378

Snowflake Ch. 23: Colder https://gayauthors.org/story/mrm/snowflakealovestory/23

Mason - San Francisco --------------------------------------------------------------------- We've been riveted to the TV all night! Ya know, it is so-o unbelievable seeing this! Jimmy has been cuddled up to me so tight through this whole thing that I think he's leaving a red mark all the way up my left side! I hold him close, though, because he's scared. To be honest, I am too. I haven't known them as long as Jimmy has, but I've grown very attached to Snowflake and Brian. They are the first Gay couple I've ever really looked up to and they are the model Jimmy and I try to follow in our relationship. We have the love, that's for sure, but what I look to in SnowBri (my nickname for them, hehehe) is their tremendous strength! Together they seem to make this one superhuman being! Sort of like Voltron or something. Me and my brother, Dixon, used to sit like Jimmy and I are doing right now watching Voltron together under one blanket while eating popcorn. I know there doesn't seem to be a connection, but there is, really. I sit now watching this TV with Jimmy like I used to watch Voltron with Dixon and the thing I always loved about Voltron was that the five lion-riders had to come together and work together like a team to make Voltron come alive. The strength of Voltron was the sum of its parts with five heroic souls piloting him. Jimmy and I are watching Snowflake and Brian being interviewed and we see Brian in his wheelchair and we know what's happened to him, but I'm hoping, together with Snowflake, they can make a more powerful whole from their heroic parts. I hope this because the reports are saying that the Russians want them extradited to Russia to stand trial in some kangaroo-court on the charge of homicide! I looked it up and the Russians have restarted executions of foreigners convicted of crimes against the NUSSR! So far, the US and Chinese officials have not given in to these demands, but the Russian Premier, Putonovitch, wants a high profile example made of our beloved couple! Not just because they ‘murdered' a Russian citizen, but because they're also Gay! It boggles my mind that such a thing could even be possible in this day and age! I thought we were all beyond that, but no . . . not so much, I guess. "Oh, Jesus on a Sunday, Mazzie! I should be ovah theyah tryin' to hep'em out! They's all gonna get done snatched up and away! ~sob~ Wh-what cannah do-o!" Jimmy starts up the water-works again and I tilt his baby-soft dark silky head of hair on my shoulder and try to hold him tighter if that's even possible. I immediately feel the instant fatigue in my poor shoulder the minute he lays his head there, but I bear it with all the might I can muster! If I can't do anything else, at least let me comfort my sweet baby and help get him through this. Give me strength for that, at least. Jimmy's heart is bigger than all outdoors, but it breaks easily and this situation doesn't sound very good to me. I tell him the comforting words like ‘they'll be alright,' etc., but the truth is, I can't know that. This has become a world tensing international incident. It's a powder keg over there in Northeastern Europe and the Russians are sparring for a fight. This SnowBri craziness could actually set off that bomb and start something big. Would the US not prevent that if it meant only giving one American and one Finn on a work visa up to the Russians? In the math, it really doesn't make for a good result for my two heroes, does it? "I don't think us going over there would be much help, Sweetheart. Besides, they're pretty well guarded against what Brian said in his last Skype to us. I think we'd just complicate things, especially, um ~cough cough~, uh . . ." I'm starting to cough again. I start that when I get nervous these days. This cough has hung on longer than some of the others, but it's been colder this winter and I always get a touch of the sniffles in cold weather, even in San Francisco. "You want summa you're all cough medicine, Shugah?" Jimmy slowly glides his hands up and down my back to ease my breathing. I'm wheezing again! When will this ever give up, I swear? "No, Jimmy. I'll be ~grunt~ ok in a few. Just have to calm down a bit. All this talk about flying over to Finland to somehow help Brian and Snowflake is making me a bit nervous. I . . . don't think I can make it, you know?" I look up into Jimmy's eyes and see the renewed concern there. It's only a sniffle, but I don't want it to get worse. I don't want to end up in the hospital again like last time. "Shugah, you worryin' me, Baby! This thing keeps going on and on and don't look like it's slowin' down none!" Goddammit, I don't want this! Jimmy's got enough on his plate worrying about those two! He shouldn't have to worry about me too! For God's sake! "~sigh~ I'll be fine when it warms up, Sweetie! You know how I get. We probably should go down to Mexico rather than to freaking Finland! It's at least warm down there, heh." I smile at my sweet, sweet boy and he rolls his eyes, laughs, and kisses me on the cheek. I love him. God, how I love him! I love him SO much it hurts! Jimmy is everything to me! I'd suggest he leave me here with Vic and Kris and go off after SnowBri himself, but I know he wouldn't dare leave my side. Since that day we met in Las Vegas we've been practically inseparable and, you know, I haven't regretted a SINGLE moment of it! How on earth did I land this treasure on my VERY FIRST TRY? The odds were absolutely astronomical! Dixon is, like, tired of hearing me thank him over and over for bringing me to that weird sideshow of a gay Vegas nightclub. It would have been the very last place on earth I would have ever found myself. I've known about my orientation since I was eleven years old, but I really had no intention of doing anything about it. The faith forbade such things. It wasn't until Dixon came out, and braved the ire of our family to do it, that I had the courage to even think about coming out. With two sons hanging that way my parents had to rethink a thing or two. They knew that they'd done everything ‘right,' according to the LDS playbook, but still, we were what we were. All they knew was that they weren't going to do what some extremist LDS parents and community members had done in the past: they weren't going to abandon us and cast us out. They had faith in God that this was the way He wanted things and NO amount of church pressure was going to change that. They caught a lot of flack from our local branch church for their decision, but it quickly changed its tune as many other young people stopped coming to church in protest of how our family was being treated. It was causing too much of a stink and stinks scare away new missions and thus new money. Our church branch quieted down, just like the rest of the Church. Dixon and I come back to Ogden as freaking heroes most the time and there's always a pool party when we come into town! You should have seen how they took to Jimmy! Jimmy could have had all the sex he wanted . . . If I hadn't been there to thwart their plans for him! Hehehehe! Anyway, my parents are saints! I love them to death! I love to the death those that love me. I would give up my life for them! That includes Jimmy too, but I won't do it this way. I won't try to make a flight to a very cold place and end up adding to Jimmy's misery by being in the hospital over there while he's trying to see SnowBri. "Have some faith, Sweetness. Things always work out for those two. They're like magic, you know that." Jimmy's tears dry and I crane over to kiss him gently on the lips. He returns my kiss with that sweetness of his and we do that for a long time, I suppose. The next thing I remember is waking up in his arms with him doing that cute little purring snore he does when he sleeps. That sound usually puts me right back out, but it doesn't have that effect on me at the moment. Cuddled up to me like he is, I can feel that he's hard and then I realize, again, that it's been a while. I figure it might be just the thing to cheer my horny honey up waking him up this way. Jimmy tends to wear loose sweats when we're lounging and they are unusual in that they have a zipper fly along with a draw-string. I slowly undo his draw-string which loosens the sizable tent he is making in his sweats. I then slowly unzip him and that is all that is needed to set him springing free! Out in the relatively cooler air of the room, with nothing but the bluish light of the glaring LCD flatscreen shining on it, Jimmy's gorgeously sculpted, circumcised penis throbs a bit and the succulent mushroom cap swells and gets a little pinker. Oh, his member is SO cute, just like the rest of Jimmy! His was my first and, hopefully, will be my last if we spend our lives together like I hope we will. Ever so gently, I take a grip of the base of his sex and feel its throbbing warmth. Jimmy gets so hard! I suppose I do too, but, for some reason feeling another boy's is different. His seems to get so much harder than mine does! I suppose feeling someone else up will always be fascinating to me. Never having done it before Jimmy, I had no idea what I was missing. I couldn't do it with my brother, naturally. That would have been even weirder for us than just coming out to one another (which we did eventually). I slowly stroke Jimmy up and down his shaft a couple of times. He rewards me with a sleepy moan and a subtle pump from his hips. Now, I can no longer wait. Feeling him in my hand for the first time was one thing, but the taste of him, when I first had that honor, brought me to some new level of pleasure I'd never expected. It is a pleasure I savor as many times as I possibly can. So, I do so now and bend down and begin slowing licking the side of his member up and then down tasting every inch. He is sweet and he is salty and he is musky and he is Jimmy and he tastes of the one I love most in the world. Tasting him I feel myself prove myself wrong about my own body. I get painfully hard and feel the need to pull myself out so that I can be free too. Jimmy, still in his sleep, whimpers, and shifts under me obviously feeling my tongue's warm rasping touch. His sexy fussing gets a little more intense as I stop with his shaft and begin the licking of his beautiful pink mushroom. He flinches a bit in his sleep and then I feel his love pulse once and reward me with a dewdrop of precum. His mushroom swells a bit more and I know it's time! Slowly I engulf him with my mouth and suck him in softly. I feel his throbbing intensify as I feel his heartbeat in my mouth. I pull up slowly as I suck being sure to keep my tongue planted firmly under the base of his manhood. Jimmy groans loud in his sleep and rolls his hips sexually as I begin my bobbing and sucking. I taste his sweet and bitter juices leak onto my tongue as I pull and push him in and out of my mouth. "Mmmm-muh! Oh yeaaah. Oh ffff . . ." Jimmy starts moaning things and mumbling sexy sounds that nearly set me off and I'm not even touching myself! He tastes so good and I can feel my saliva increase and drool down his shaft and around his cute little nuts! I feel fingers gently feather through my hair and tousle it in slow swirls. My hair will be even more of a wreck after this than it is already! I might just gel it in place like this to remember tonight for a while! "Ooooo, Mazzie! Shugah! Whatchy'all doin'! Oh my Gawwwd! " Jimmy awakes just in the way I'd hoped he would and by his pants, whimpers, and sighs I know I did it just right! He sounds so cute and hazy when he first wakes up. It just makes me pump faster! "UNGH! Jezzus on a cracker, boy! W-wait! Sl-slow down! Oh FUCK!" Jimmy sits up and tries to hold my head still because I can taste and feel how close he is. Unfortunately, I get a little too excited and I go down on him a bit too far. I start to cough and choke. Oh, please no! Not right now! I have to break off as I start to hack up my stupid lungs! I wish this stuff would just GET OUT of me! Why do I always get like this when it gets colder? It's just not FAIR! "Mason, hunny! Slow down, take deep breaths! Y'all are turnin' purple! I'm so sorry!" Jimmy gets on the floor with me and hugs me close trying to somehow calm my hacking with his hug. Strangely enough, it works as the gag reflex settles down and I finally stop coughing to the point of wanting to throw up. He holds me still for a few minutes until my breath comes back. He releases me and quickly goes into the kitchen medicine cabinet and gets my inhaler. How mortifying! I'm trying to give Jimmy the blowjob wakeup call of his life and I end up on the floor drowning in my own phlegm. Real romantic, Mason! I reluctantly take a puff on the damned inhaler and everything finally settles back down, though the medicine has started my heart racing. Just shoot me now! I wanted my heart to race for completely different reasons! But, Jimmy wraps himself around me on the floor, arms and legs and all, and just starts rocking me back and forth. He starts humming some song that sounds very Southern, but oh so beautiful. A lot of soul is in it and while my breathing and heart slow, it's like I can see Spanish moss-laden trees and tall grass and big magnolia flowers. Jimmy's soul comes out in that little bit of a song and for a moment I sit there completely hypnotized feeling the vibration in his chest as he hums. He rests his chin on my head as he finishes. At the moment, the feeling of love in me is so strong I'm fit to burst! Instead, I start to cry. "Oh, Heavens on Fire! Whattsa' mattah now?" Jimmy gently turns me around to face him. For some reason, I can't bear to look up into his bright green eyes. I feel that if I do, I'll fall into them and drown. But he lifts my chin and fixes me with them anyway. Jimmy's eyes are the most beautiful things in the world! They look lit by the soft light in the room like two green jewels with a little sunlight coming through them. A color like the sun through new spring leaves on an apple tree! I barely notice that I've gasped and that I am holding my breath. "What's up? Whatcha' lookin' at, Baby?" Jimmy's questioning face shows the natural innocence and openness there. Doesn't he know how mesmerizing he is? He has no idea, does he? I look into his eyes and I see the truth of our love there. Something I'd never felt before. A feeling like I could never make a fool of myself in front of him no matter how hard I try. Tonight, I've got nothing to lose being honest with him. Even if this were my last night on earth, I'd want him to know how much he means to me! "Y-you are so-o beautiful, James McVee. You'll never know how much until you've seen you through my eyes!" With that, I reach behind his head and kiss him hard on those beautifully full, pink, succulent lips. At that moment, I feel weightless and no ill can touch me. I'm light as a feather and I'm so in love! In our kiss, we lay down on the floor, him on top of me, and we find ourselves grinding our bare sexes together, both of us still pretty much in our jammies. He sits up and slides my bottoms off making me naked and exposed to him in such a lovely, naughty way. He pulls his t-shirt off and I see his pretty pert pink little nipples on his well-defined chest. Brian isn't wrong, Jimmy has earned his nickname ‘Muscles'. His tummy has gotten a gentle six-pack. Not a bulging yucky one, but a gorgeous gently sculpted one! He stands up, making me feel a little lonely suddenly as he smiles at me, wiggles his eyebrows, but then walks away into the back room. I know why he's going, but . . . I miss him anyway. Silly as he is he peels himself out of his sweats as he's walking away with a sexy pull over his spectacular butt and then twerks a shimmy so they'll fall off. He turns and gives me a ‘Coppertone girl' pose. The one with the little dog pulling the little girl's bathing suit off just enough so you can see her tan lines. I giggle at him because he just tickles me with every cute, sweet, sexy thing he does. Seeing my look of what must be total love on my face he winks and smiles at me. In my mind, I take a picture of that look. It will be with me for my whole life! It is so completely ‘Jimmy' and so completely why I am so hopelessly in love with him. He actually jogs into the back room and prances back out, naked as a blue jay, with his stiffy bobbing around goofily. He COLLAPSES on top of me (gently) and I'm treated to the full hot crush of his sexed-up body rubbing and grinding me into oblivion. That beautifully sculpted chest presses silkily next to mine though I'm still in a shirt. Quickly, he reaches down, pulls it smoothly over my head, and throws it across the room. "A-HA! Gottcha naked now din't I, Shugah Smacks!" He grins at me like a wolf. "You goofball!" I say while smacking him lightly on one of his juicy, pink, pearly butt cheeks. His answer is to lean in and engage me in a kiss that causes my head to spin, my eyes to close, and my whole body to go limp. Everything goes limp except my hardness, which does everything but go limp. Jimmy manages to slide up on me a little, spread his legs and then settle himself back down on my rock hard member, capturing it between his muscular thighs and his velvety nuts. The constriction nearly sends me right over the edge, but he manages to loosen himself and lessen his movements to keep me from reaching my limit far too soon. I'm glad of that for more reasons than just having our little ‘session' end too soon. The excitement has started to make me pant and get a little breathless and I feel that fatigue again. I forget I'm not in tip top shape and Jimmy is the Energizer Bunny when it comes to sex. But, despite that, he seems to have learned my rhythms well enough to know how to ease off and let me catch a break. I think, tonight, I'd prefer to bottom. I might have energy enough for that and I love to milk Jimmy for everything he's worthwhile still being the ‘relaxed' one. "You want in, or do you want me to come'a-knockin', shugah pie, hunny smack?" Jimmy breathes seductively into my ear causing my whole body to catch a case of the shivers, but good ones, not bad ones. "Knock me up, Sweet Baby. I'd like to just lay back and enjoy tonight." I sigh and blow right back into his ear which causes him to tense and shiver a bit too. I guess we have the same effect on one another. Hehehe! "Your wish . . . is my command!" With that, he slips down, leans in, and starts using his tongue on me in there. I SO love getting this done to me! It's a bit selfish, but I only feel a momentary pang of guilt that I might not be, well, as ‘fresh' as I should be in that general area, but that doesn't seem to discourage Jimmy at all. If anything, he seems to be liking what he's tasting, I guess. I've done him before during a 69, as Jimmy calls it, but he's always kind of fresh and ready down there. I don't know how he does it really. It amazes me! But, soon, all self-conscious thought is driven from me as I feel his strong and persistent tongue work me down there sending me to feel shivers run up from there through my spine and back down to twitch my diamond hardness! Oh my dear God, how good it feels! How very, unequally good! His hot strong tongue works its way inside as he spreads me open and I know my moans must be becoming obscene, but I can't help it! I'm glad that Vic and Kris are out clubbing because I'm sure they'd either be worried about me or setting up to film us as a gay porn movie. I wouldn't really care if they did! There's really only one reality for me right now . . . and that's Jimmy's long, hot, red tongue! "MmmmMmmmm . . ." Jimmy hums into my body like I'm his musical instrument and I find that I'm getting too close again. Jimmy has me so hot I'm about ready to release without even being touched! "OH! Ohh, Mmm! Jimmy! No! Please! Stop! I'm getting too close!" But Jimmy only stops to raise himself up and bury my boyhood down his throat in one swallow! It is, unfortunately, the very last straw. "AHHHHHH! UNGH! URRRRRngh!" I raise off the floor with myself still buried deep in Jimmy's throat! I don't know how he keeps from gagging up his insides! The orgasm is so intense I can't breathe for a second, then the rhythmic throbbing inside his mouth practically makes snapping noises as it goes and causes me to hump poor Jimmy right in his sweet mouth while I grunt spastically. But he doesn't seem to care. What's more, he seems not just to like it . . . but LOVE it! I try to grab on to the carpet to save my life because I feel I might just pass out. Actually, that must be what happens, because the next thing I remember is Jimmy slapping me in the face and calling out my name frantically. I feel the blows, but can't ‘feel' them like pain. It's like I'm not here and someone else is feeling them. "MASON! MASON! OH SWEET JESUS!! WAKE UP! WAKE THE ~sob~ FUCK UP!" My eyes come into focus and I feel the air rush into my lungs in a long ragged painful gasp. Swimming before my blurred eyes is a frantic red-faced Jimmy with tears running down his cheeks. Finally, I feel the sting of him hitting me and my hand reflexively grabs his wrist to stop him from hitting me anymore. But then, a terrible wash of fear rushes through me and I feel myself whimper. "What? Where? How?" I hear my voice and it's shaking and sounds weird in my ears. "I couldn't wake ya'll up, Mazzie! Why the fuck you go scarin' me like that for? Oh my God! Is you ok? I called 911 already!" He did what? There is a loud knock on the door and a loud voice announcing EMTs and the Fire Department. Why are they here? What's going on? Why am I panting and can't seem to catch my breath? Why does it hurt so much to breathe? Jimmy rushes to the door to let in big men with uniforms and equipment. Suddenly, I'm surrounded by strangers! "Jimmy? What's going on? Who are these guys? I'm scared!" I feel panic and start to cry. "It'll be ok, Sir! We're here to help your breathing. Can you understand me? " A handsome blond man says to me with his big blue eyes filled with . . . concern. Oh no! What's wrong with me now? I nod that I can, but find I'm having trouble speaking. He says something to someone behind and then asks me to try to take slow deep breaths. I try to do what he says but find it's hard to do as my lungs feel hard. I feel panic again. "It's ok, Sir. You'll be ok. This should help your breathing." An oxygen mask is placed over my face and the stale smell of oxygen actually does feel cooler and a little better. My breathing relaxes a bit, but not much. "Sir, this is something to relax you and help you breathe. You are hyperventilating a bit." The blond medic tells me. Quickly, someone stabs some kind of drug into me and I immediately feel myself relax and then . . . ~~ "Mr. Montgomery? Mason? Can you hear me?" I hear someone distant call my name. I can't quite make out what they are saying. They don't sound familiar. I try to open my eyes, but nothing happens. I try to speak, but only a mumble comes out. Its like I can hardly work any part of my body at all! Then I notice something in my mouth and that's why I can't talk. My throat is sore. Really sore! "Gurrrrgh?" I whimper from the pain and confusion. Other pains come to me like a deep soreness in the side of my chest and an ache as something pushes me from the inside at the sound of something that sounds suspiciously like Darth Vader's breathing. "RRRRRR! RRRRmmmm! AHrr!" I don't know how or why but I start to move as fear builds in me. Movement hurts more as things tug and pull at me from everywhere! I feel like I'm trapped in a web! I have to get out! I have to get free! "Mr. Montgomery! Please be calm. Everything is going to be ok. I know it hurts, hun, but it's helping you. Ok?" A female voice tries to console me, but I'm too far gone for that. "1 CC Ketamine, Jessica. We need to keep him out until he's a bit more stable." A male voice says. No! I don't want ‘out'! I want OUT out! I need to get free . . . I'm dying! Where's Jimmy! No! Noooo . . . ~~~ I feel something squeeze my hand gently. I feel myself squeeze back which gets me a stronger squeeze. I try to open my eyes, but it takes me a minute to remember how. It's weird! When I finally do get my eyes open things look very blurry and my eyes feel sticky like they have glue on them. Yuck. I have this pleasant feeling like I'm floating while not moving. "Baby! Oh, Baby! You awake! Oh, Mazzie!" I see a blurry shadow and then feel hair under my neck and arms gently hold my head a bit. I can't see him, and with this stuff in my nose, I can't smell him. But, the voice is so-o perfectly sweetly familiar. He's Jimmy. He's with me! He's here! "J-jjkkk. Jimmy." The ragged voice that comes out of my sore throat barely sounds like me. It's a weird lower slowed down version of my voice with crackles in it. What happened to me? Where am I? "W-where?" Is all I managed to get out as my eyes clear a bit more. Thankfully, the first thing I see are two spectacular green eyes staring back into mine. But they are red ringed from crying. What's wrong Jimmy? Why have you been crying? "You're in the hospital, Mason. You've had a rough few days. You had us going there for a bit, Kid." Another familiar voice comes from further away but my eyes still aren't good enough to see that far and with Jimmy, sweetheart that he is, blocking most of my vision with his worried face. "F-few, DAYs?" I manage to groan and probably with less volume than I mean to. A few days? What on earth has happened to me? "What . . .?" It is then that the doctor walks in. He looks like a nice enough guy of Indian extraction with really white teeth. "Ah. Very good! He has revived. I should be able to reduce his breathing treatments in time, but the lung must heal first." The doctor says to everyone in the room expecting they know what he's talking about. For some reason, they do. I wish I did! "WHAT is . . ." but I lose my breath and start to feel faint. I hear an alarm go off and the doctor adjusts something and I feel something poof in my nose. I instantly feel better and feel more awake. "I will have to spike his oxygen if he talks too much. He needs to conserve his strength for breathing, yes?" The doctor says, his weird smile never leaving his face. "I think he's a'wantin' to know what happened since he's been out and all, Doc." Jimmy, my soulmate reads my needs better than any book. God bless my love! I do, indeed, need to know what's wrong. I'm terrified! "Ah, yes. Well, I suppose it would be ok if he is capable of asking then he is capable of understanding. Mr. Montgomery, you suffered what we call a pneumothorax. That is a fancy word for a perforated lung which caused your lung to collapse. It was very sudden so it is why you had such a quick onset of your trauma. We are still running tests, but we feel it may have been caused by a lingering infection in your lung that has been troubling you for some time. It is a pity it did not get diagnosed sooner. We may have been able to prevent its occurrence if that had been the case. In all, we have been able to repair the damage. You will see you have some stitches in your side where we laparoscopically went in and repaired the hole in your lung. It will take a few weeks for you to heal, but once done, you should be right as rain! That is good news!" The doctor's smile brightens, but I wish that made me feel better. How could I have been harboring this inside of me all this time and not notice? Not notice. Am I kidding? I've been suffering from one lung ailment after another for the past year or so. I . . . don't understand! "Where … did I get . . . an infection. How come . . . so long? I ask, between breaths as I still am getting winded pretty fast. "Ah, infection is a very insidious thing, Mr. Montgomery. It can come on mildly but last a while. It is at this time that the bacteria have an opportunity to hide out in your body if your immune system is not doing very well. Then it will strike when you least expect it or when you are weak for some reason. Cold weather, hot weather, too much exercise, any stress upon the body at all can set it off. These things can linger in people like a time bomb and then hit them when they least expect it. This is why we counsel people with known lung issues to have a check-up every six months. You might consider it now that you know you are prone to these things. Best to catch these things earlier in life rather than later when things are harder to diagnose and control. In any case, do not worry! Rest, take your meds, work with your pulmonary therapist, and you will be out of here within a week, I should think!" The doctor actually reaches for my hand and squeezes it. He is quite a charming man! But, then I look to the splendid worried beauty of my Jimmy and I see the one I've let down. My ‘sniffles' have been anything but! How could this have happened? I've always had a slight proneness to the flu since I was a kid, but that was normal. Why am I sickening now? "Before you go, Doc, should I . . . checked . . . for anything? I've, um, never . . . had trouble . . . like, you know?" I ask, a bit scared of what he'll tell me. "Perhaps a thorough blood workup might be useful. Would you like a panel done, just in case?" The doctor is asking me? "Yeah . . . I guess. Insurance?" That is my big concern, my insurance isn't the best in the world. I guess I should be lucky to have any at all at my age. "Do not worry about that. Things can be covered. I believe you are prudent and show good initiative in having us be as thorough as possible while you are here. It is unusual for someone of your age to suffer a pneumothorax from a disease related issue, but . . . not unheard of. Whatever the case, I do not want you to worry! Whatever may be the case, we can work with it!. Ok? You should rest, and your family, if I may ask, should perhaps allow this after their visit. Rest is the best medicine of all! Let me know if the nurses' schedule messes with this. I can arrange things differently." The doctor says. What a great doctor! "Ok." I consent and the doctor nods smiles toothily again and is gone. Later, all but Jimmy leave. Jimmy won't leave and the nurses finally get a sleeping chair for him to rest in so as not to upset me. About all the blood in my body is extracted from my arm in the span of about four hours, I swear. They must have filled twelve whole vials of my blood! Fortunately, none of them hurt me much being such great ‘bloodsuckers' as they are here. Everyone is being very nice to me here in the hospital. I just wish I didn't have to be here and to cause Jimmy this kind of distress. The last thing I ever wanted to be to him was a burden. Why were we lead together if I was just going to tank out on him this way? Jimmy should have a fun boyfriend, not a sick mess like me. Ah . . . well. Looking at him asleep in his chair . . . God how I love him. He's SO beautiful! I hope I can stick around long enough to love him as much as he deserves. Jimmy deserves so much better than the life he's had to live. The world is a colder place without him in it. Thank God he's here to warm my winter now! Brian - Helsinki --------------------------------------------------------------------- Um, this has got to be the most fucked-up weird-ass ‘vacation' I've ever experienced. Snowflake and I agree on this completely. Never in a million years did either of us think we'd end up in the middle of a fucking ‘James Bond' movie! Let me tell you, I have a LOT more respect for 007 now than I used to. I wish I didn't, being that he's a fictional character, but, I do. I do because, basically, we have been living in a ‘fictional' universe ever since we left Beijing a couple of months ago. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for Snowflake to represent the ‘US and A' for the 4 x 10 KM Relay. He won the gold, of course, and the Finns were happy about this because they got to share the gold with us. However, after the ‘murder' of my almost murderer, the Russians were ‘insulted' not only because they were disqualified from the rest of the Beijing Olympics, but because the ‘murderer' in question was honored with the medal that was ‘rightfully theirs' in Russian eyes. The Russian Government saw this as a complete loss of face and a total disrespect for their ‘standing in the world!' So, it started with the assassins/law enforcement from Russia hounding us to either detain or, preferably, to kill both Snowflake and me. Yeah . . . I'm serious. That's what it's been like since Beijing. A race for our very lives! There were only three events like that, fortunately, but that's three too many; especially the one where they tried to drive us off the road into a ravine! So, um . . . that happened! We're in a luxury hotel in Helsinki, at the moment. A number of fur-capped hotties are camped out at our front door and in strategic spots around the hotel to protect us. I feel like the fucking President of said ‘US and A' over here! I know, I keep using Borat references, but Russian assholes will do that to a person. How in the actual fuck did this happen? I still don't get it. They tried to kill ME first, for Christ's sake! Snowflake's gone ‘taciturn' again, meaning, he's become the king of monosyllabics and I can't get much more out of him than ‘yes,' ‘no,' and a whole phrase, sometimes, like: ‘not tonight.' We need to do something pretty soon. This Snowflake freeze is even colder than the winter outside (and that's really impossible because it's been, like, -1000 outside since we got here)! My leg hasn't been getting in my way too much, thankfully. Being that it was just a flesh wound my leg's pretty much back to normal. It is just a little sore and I still get cramps if I move wrong, but not too bad. Certainly, I don't need the fucking wheelchair anymore. It took my physical therapist AND my doctors to persuade Snowflake to let me out of the thing when it came time for me to hobble around on my own. But, hobbling around my nice, luxurious room isn't doing it for me anymore. We might have a whole five rooms in this suite, but five rooms get kind of small after a couple weeks. The US Embassy and the Finnish Government both have said we need to remain in the room and only around the hotel with an armed escort. They really aren't taking any chances with us. There's SO much hoopla (yes I just used a word my Dad used to say - that's how fucked I'm feeling right now) going around about this whole thing that I have a feeling we're, like, political pawns in some kind of game here. I, in fact, know we are pawns with what our American liaison with the Embassy has been saying. Russia is using us as a cold and calculated red herring to deflect interest off of their aggressive military build-up along the Finnish border around Lake Lagoda. Snowflake keeps mumbling things in Finnish and then punctuating that with ‘Fucking Russian Games,' whatever that means and then stands by the window only to remember he can't be doing that and sulks away into the bedroom and closes the door. We need to know what's going to happen here. I'm afraid Snowflake's going to crack and go totally cuckoo on me if something doesn't break here soon. Are they going to turn us over or aren't they? One of our few visitors that will even talk to us is Micha Sommardahl. He has been our dogged ally through all of this. That big-assed Finn is the closest thing to a guardian angel as I've ever had, to be honest! What he did for us on that road with the Russians trying to run us off the road . . . that was the stuff of Hollywood legends! All this said I regret the whole Olympic deal now. We worked so hard to get there and things were going, basically, miraculously until that Russian dirty trick. I still don't understand why they felt it necessary to do that to me. Nothing like that has ever happened before in an Olympics that I can remember. The closest I can come to this is that whole Munich thing in the 1970s! It's getting to be a colder world out there! The Olympics shouldn't happen if they're going to cause this kind of strife. No sport is worth getting shot at. I don't care how ‘honorable' it might be to be able to compete in it. The Olympics are entertainment. No one should have to die for entertainment. I didn't sign on to ‘break a leg' for the show! But, that is exactly what almost happened. I'm fortunate the bullet didn't break my leg. Any hope of ever doing cross-country again would have pretty much died if that had happened. Now, despite the minimal nerve damage I've suffered in my leg, it is quite possible that I'll be up and skiing within a year. But, that said, I don't ever want to ski again if this is what it means to compete now. I'm a good Texan and I appreciate and respect guns and gun ownership (up to a point), but . . . they have no place in games meant to bring nations together in peace. Violence didn't even happen in the Olympics Berlin put on under Hitler just before World War II. This thing with me and the Russians is a true new low in Olympic history. Again, how in the FUCK did I end up here as another unfortunate anecdote in frigging World History? The door opens and Snowplow and I immediately snap to attention. It's Micha and he is smiling for once (a rare thing). "Mitä tapahtuu?" Snowflake blurts forgetting I'm in the room. "What is happening, you ask? I believe you two are finally free! It did cost, but not much. Unfortunately, Finland had to give up the gold for the last Cross-Country race you were in, Snowflake, but they capitulated on the terms of your surrender. In light of . . . new developments . . . the NUSSR has accepted responsibility for the ‘rogue actions' of the two ‘overzealous members of their contingent to the Olympics.' They did not accept blame, but they didn't deny malfeasance on the part of ‘private parties.' Putonovitch even congratulated Snowflake for his quick thinking and his amazing feat of heroism. I, honestly, do not know what the UN and NATO said to the General Secretary, but whatever it was, it made him go completely about-face in his attitude about this stupid reindeer shit. Perhaps, it is that new class of destroyer the Swedes have come up with to patrol the many fjords of the Baltic. The new ones with the barely above surface missiles that are almost like torpedos, but fly through the air instead and can get under Russian radar. I do not particularly like to give Swedes credit for anything, but they are still master shipwrights," Micha rattles on. Free? We're FREE! Are you kidding me? Snowflake jumps up, runs over, throws his arms around me and picks me up bodily from the chair I'd been sitting in. I get the feeling he's happy about all this. At last, it's just great to see my White Knight smile again! God how I've missed that! He's been so GLUM! I can totally see Finland doing that to a person, but Snowflake was being depressing in the extreme! He was even blaming himself for all this shit going on thinking if he'd done things differently none of this would have happened. I'm, like, ‘HELLO-O!' That ‘rogue Russian contingent' fucking shot me without any provocation at all! Sometimes it is like my Dad used to say: "Sometimes folks needs killin'." The motherfuckers that did that to me, especially the one who apparently came in to finish the job the first one started, got what they needed. I owe my life to Snowflake again! Not that I'm keeping count, but he's definitely been my real White Knight ever since I met him all that while ago. Even when things get colder, he keeps me from freezing to death. He . . . put his very life on the line in the most heroic way possible . . . just to save me! Do you have any idea what that means? I mean, I love and have loved Snowflake to the point of illness, but this . . . this act of his really proves that he's in it with me for the long-haul. He has proven that he would kill for me and that leads me to believe that he would die for me too. Such a love . . . there are no words for it! It is precious beyond any price. What's cooler is that I'd do the very same thing for him without question or hesitation. It goes beyond everything I've ever experienced because it is something I've never known before true, selfless, unconditional love. The treasure beyond price. The stuff of dreams that makes this life worth living and a prize worth waiting forever for, if you have to. I didn't have to. I found it on that cold day at Auburn Ski Club. I found the ‘more' I was looking for and I found the reason for me. I found the Snowflake to my Ember and now nothing will ever be colder again. Snowflake - Club DTM, Helsinki, A few days later ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The music throbs as it has always done here. Of all the discotheques of Finland, Club DTM, or ‘Mummola' as it is more affectionately known here, is the closest I could think of to the kind of club that Brian would be used to. Filled with ‘twinks,' as Americans might call them, and thrumming with Euro-Techno-BizzarroEDM, DTM is a bedazzling display of European Gay culture as can only exist in Nordica. I would put DTM next to anything in Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, or even Amsterdam. It writhes with glistening pale bodies and blitzes with all the colours normally unseen in Helsinki's rather grey streets. People and things writhe equally at DTM. Upon entering the club one is greeted with two nude Greco-Roman wrestlers positioned most suggestively as they strive against each other. This, I assure my Brian, symbolises, perfectly, Gay Life in Finland: sex, strength, and competition. Finns love their sex to be a struggle and the jostling sexualised air wrestles with the swelling music with one trying to overcome the other to dominate the senses. Although, not my favourite club in this city, DTM still ensures a good time and Brian is quite impressed! Having been with him now for all this time, I know it is hard to impress Brian with nightclubs as he has been to them all over, but he is taken with this place. It makes me strangely proud! "I have the weirdest boner right now, ‘Snuffy.' It's like I'm surrounded by an entire population of ‘yous' in here. If I didn't have the original to play with, I might exhaust myself playing with all of your relatives in here. I've never seen so many pretty boys in one place all at once!" Brian's mouth is hanging open catching flies. It is true, DTM seems to attract the prettiest of the pretty boys in Helsinki and beyond. My practiced eye, though, sees that Finns are not as well represented in here as Brian might think. For the most part, I am seeing Dutch, Danes, Swedes, Norwegians and a lot of Germans. All are blond to blondish and blue-eyed with untanned, hairless skin, etc. A smörgåsbord of Nordic species mixed with a few Teutons who would look very much the same to someone unused to the differences. The age range goes from probably-not-legal-in-most-places to youngish (like me and Brian, I suppose). I believe I may be the oldest person in here at thirty-one. Despite that, the Golden Horde is already circling, like the pretty little wolves they are, to make a kill. Taking two or so home might be fun. Perhaps Micha would flex himself a bit to enjoy one. I am terrible, truly, thinking of these silly children as party favours, but, in some ways, that is how they act and, strangely, how they want to be treated. ‘Trick' is another American term I have learned, meaning: a person you go home with to have sex and then cause to leave your home once you are done with them. I rarely like one-night stands so this sort of thing does not appeal to me, generally. However, we are supposed to be out here to have fun and, after the hell, we have been through together lately, Brian and I could very much use a hefty dose of fun. Brian will not be dancing much tonight, sadly. His leg has been hurting a bit more from his injury. I suspect the deep healing of the muscle is starting to cause the ache. He says it feels like when he's done a powerful leg workout except this happens when he just walks a bit. My poor, beloved Ember! That this should have happened to him at the hour of his greatest achievement fills me with the deepest sadness and the most powerful hatred for the Russians. A colder thing I cannot think of them doing, save one: trying to murder us after committing such an atrocity while accusing us of murder in turn! That is a cold, coldness I didn't even think the Russians capable of! Clearly, I was wrong. Clearly! But, then there . . . there . . . I must not dwell upon these things anymore. For whatever reasons, the Russians have called off their dogs (I hope) and so our caretakers have allowed us to be free again. Hopefully, this is not just because funds have run out on trying to protect two little athletes in a world of looming wars and politics. Whatever the case, we shall not be staying in Helsinki for long. My family calls me North and they long to meet Brian so there we shall go after a week. One more club, I think, and then we will have ‘done' Helsinki sufficiently to quench Brian's curiosities. We have already toured the Olympic Stadium which Brian thought was amusing because it was for the only Olympics Finland ever hosted which was the 1952 Summer Olympics. Brian was understandably confused by that and frankly, I am too since there has always been a perfectly wonderful ski park nearby that hosts all manner of skiing and other related winter sports. Finland rarely even has anyone of significance in the Summer Olympiad. So, there Brian got a taste of Finnish madness right there. He has already been introduced to the fuel for this madness in the Finns unparalleled ability to take in and metabolise vast amounts of vodka. Speaking of which, a large round of shots hits the table at which we have stationed ourselves. Along with the shots come five blondes with blue elfin eyes to surround us. I should be terrified except for the fact that they are all so cute and utterly non-threatening. Two of the five look barely able to drink, not just for their youth, but for their slightness. Brian leans into me and whispers his question regarding the five: "What's with the Legend Of Zelda Link Team?" I just turn and stare at him completely confused! What is a ‘Zelda' and why does he have links to a team? Is this an American Football reference? I suppose he understands that I do not understand because he rolls his eyes at me. Hehehe! "Halo! Olympics, Ja?" The tallest one (about 5'6" if my reckoning is correct) addresses us. He must be the ‘leader' or at least the boldest. The other four seem to hide behind him to some extent. His voice is musical and very Danish. This would explain the incredible ‘blondness' of him and his little friends. I suspect they are all from Denmark and possibly from the same village if not the same family! Except for different haircuts, they all look disturbingly similar. "Jö, I know of the Olympics. Do you like the Olympics?" I play stupid to see what they will do. They all look at each other confused and the darker blond shrugs his shoulders and says something in Danish. I am not very good with Danish so I cannot understand very well. They return to staring at us with their ridiculously pretty eyes. "Oh, I believe you misunderstand. I am very sorry. I meant to say that you both are from the Olympics. My pardon for not being very clear. My English is only so-so." The tall one says with a politeness that is rather humous to me. A Finn cannot be so polite. It is a true impossibility. Also, only a Dane would think his rather perfect and precise English is only ‘so-so' and find the need to apologise for it. "Ding-Ding! Link #1 wins the Pearl Necklace!" Brian announces with mock triumph. It is now my turn to roll my eyes. However, the ‘Links,' as Brian continues to call them, all begin busting out in peels of musical laughter. It is a beautiful sight to see and a beautiful sound to hear all these elvish boys laugh and turn rosy in their cheeks with smiles parting their perfect lips as they get the ‘pearl necklace' joke. ‘Cute' does not seem a sufficient word to describe them. While they ‘cut-up,' as Jimmy would say, I lean over to Brian asking: "Why do you keep calling them ‘Links?' " Anticipating my question, Brian merely flashes up his smartphone were I am presented with the 3D game character of an elvish youth with a green Robin Hood costume, long blond hair, a cute little nose, pointy ears and . . . the slightly slanted big blue eyes that look exactly like those of our five entertainers. The resemblance is uncanny! Brian then catches me completely off-guard as he switches displays to show an animation of this Link character giving a perfect POV blowjob complete with rolling eyes and delighted licking. I cannot help myself and bark out a laugh which gets the attention of our ‘Link' team. They quickly gather around, see the animation, and all of their pretty little mouths fall open in astonishment. "Se, Noah? Han sutter ligesom dig!" Link #2 says to Link #3 making Link #3 (Noah, I am guessing) giggle, blush, and spare Link #4 a sideways glance that then looks up and finds my steady gaze. This causes Noah's beautiful eyes to blink slowly as he returns my stare and then makes him descend into more giggling as he tries to look away with bewitching bashfulness. Interestingly, of all the ‘Links,' Noah seems to look most the part as he has kept his hair long and favours a loose braid of it down his back. "Kay, did you just tell Noah that he sucks dick like Link here?" Brian astounds me! I am usually the multi-linguist here, as being European makes such things common, but not so with Americans always. Here Brian just translated Danish with ridiculous ease! "Hehehehe! Ja! He looks JUST like that when he does that!" Link #2 says, his rosy cheeks blooming with an adorable blush. The red in Link #2's cheeks does not match Noah's, however. Noah is fit to hide under the table soon by the looks of his reaction. "I can do so much better! My name is Felix, by the way." Says Link #1, stareing Brian down with disturbing intensity. "Here we have Noah, Carl, Maggs, and Alexander!" Felix says pointing to each of the beautiful elvish creatures, with his slightly slanted blue eyes sparkling like sapphires. They are all so adorable! I want to put them in a box and eat them like Belgian Chocolate! Each reaches out and shakes our hands. The softness of their touches delights me. I doubt any of them have done much more in the way of physical labour than riding bikes in all of their lives. A vision enters my mind of the five riding single-file wearing their tight biking shorts showing the world what perfect asses are supposed to look like! I am suddenly hard in places thinking of these things. "Let me guess! You are Brryyann and you are . . . Snewflek, Ja?" Alexander, whose platinum hair mirrors my own flawlessly, smiles at both of us showing all of his perfect teeth. Could these guys be any more perfect in looks? His twinkling elvish eyes are a shade lighter than his compatriots as well. I believe this owes more to the stylised colour of his hair than the colour of his eyes, but the effect is the same. He also has the thickest of the accents and obviously has the greatest sense of humour of all of them. "Jö, that is correct. He is Brian and I am Snowflake." I confirm, pronouncing our names with very good English if I do say so myself. Alexander, then, proceeds to swat Maggs on his rather tiny backside and blurt something triumphant at his friend. Maggs responds by pushing Alexander a bit and obviously protesting about being spanked in public as he rubs his behind. "You kids settle down there or I'll have to spank all of you which, by the looks of things, would be something of a treat for you guys." Brian drawls out with an extra thick helping of ‘Texan' in his rich voice. Each Link seems to have their ears perk up as they all look expectantly at Brian in unison. I dissolve into my stupid titters which gets them to do their bell like laughter. Brian merely smirks wolfishly. He is SO-O bad! "This is vodka! We LOVE vodka and we know you would like vodka, Snowflake! You have sold more vodka in Denmark with that Finlandia advertisement than has ever been sold in the whole history of Denmark!" Carl says. He is the most ‘clean-cut' of the Links. His hair is a perfect sideways part with his part down the left side. His bangs are clipped with excessive neatness right above his arching eyebrows and the back and sides fade into razor-sharp sideburns and neckline. Why their hair fascinates me I cannot say, but, it is perhaps the only thing that I can use to separate each one. I do believe they might be quintuplets! "We hope you like vodka too, Brian. We know you are American and are from Texas and that you might like whiskey better." Felix offers as he sits next to Brian on the semicircular booth we are sitting upon. "If it has alcohol I do it, Frodo. Thanks for getting some for us. How much do I owe you?" Brian asks in a way that I think is meant to depersonalise the gesture for my benefit particularly since bold Felix has taken the liberty of sitting very close to Brian and has not unlocked his eyes from Brian's since sitting down. The action of their leader invites the rest of the boys to follow suit and soon we are both sandwiched into our booth between them with no hope of escape. "Hehehehe! I like the ‘Frodo' reference. I suppose we are rather hobbit-like, though all of us are naturally, um, hairless, I guess you might say." Noah says with a charming, overdone wink. He sits right next to me where he has placed himself strategically, I would assume. Noah sips his vodka and rolls his eyes at me imitating the animation from earlier as he drinks. Despite myself, it gets me throbbing and giggling. "You owe us nothing, my friend! We'd love it if you would allow yourselves to be our guests for the evening. We know Helsinki fairly well and we have plenty of money since we are in the cannabis business." Carl pitches in from between Noah next to me and Maggs and Alexander sulking on the far end of the booth. "Elves with weed? Will wonders never cease! Yes, Virginia, there must be a real Santa Claus." Brian babbles. Of course, there is a Santa Claus. I've met him! He lives just up the road from where I grew up. Everyone knows Santa is a Finn! "Yes, sir! We have very good weed. It is The Chronic actually. After drinks, let us go to our flat. We have some nice samples. We can have a ‘Ganja Tasting' if you would like." Felix offers, grinning with his pink cheeks glowing with the vodka. Brian looks to me and shrugs in way of saying ‘Why not?' I have no reticence on the issue. Many places in Europe now allow cannabis recreationally, including Finland. I find of all the intoxicants that it is the one that leaves me feeling most clean. I, however, do not care to smoke it but either vape it or eat it. Smoking and I do not mix which is very unusual for a Finn. "Do you have any way of delivering it other than smoking?" I ask. "Oh, well, that is actually the best way to sample it, but, I understand the health considerations being that you are both athletes. We have refined it to make various teas, tinctures, additives, and THC/CBD mixes that we can use for vaping. We do encourage smoking, however." Maggs pipes in. He talks about his weed as one might a fine wine or as a pharmacist might a prescription drug. I suspect he is the main ‘scientist' in the group for their business. Scientist or not, he is the elf that looks the most like a ‘stoner' with long straight hair and a scant amount of facial hair, probably the most he can possibly grow upon himself other than on top of his fair little head. "Well, I don't care what Snuffy does, but I'm down for tokin' it. Drink up! I'm excited about the prospects. I could use a good dose of The Chronic with this leg and all." The elves giggle at Brian's use of Jimmy's absurd nickname for me and then shoot down their vodka like they've been doing it all their lives. None of them even wince! Before long the seven of us are off to a new adventure. ~~~ The following morning I awaken naked in a nest of arms and legs and things equally as naked as mine. To my relief, the one most entangled with me is Brian who has become a human blanket. But, other bodies press into mine also. Smaller ones and slightly younger ones who are silky smooth and who all seem to buzz with the same kind of light kittenish snores. Our rather large suite smells rather ‘lockeroomish' if that makes sense. It also smells a bit rank of various varieties of cannabis. I can only guess that the air recirculators in our room do not function well enough to clear the room or that the sex and drugs that we had in here were so hot and heavy that they burned out the air system completely. I am vouching for the latter of these two arguments. I have not enjoyed a good orgy like that in quite a while. It is wonderful that Brian and I have a relationship so strong that we can enjoy and endure such a thing without even the tiniest touch of jealousy. Not now, not after what we established at Passo Levaze in what seems a lifetime ago. It helped that our little clutch of new friends was attentive to our special relationship and worked as satellites to our lovemaking. They mostly kept to each other which added a touch of spice to the experience as I think it was completely incestuous among them. They are all too identical not to be related if not quintupletted. Even their movements are synchronised perfectly like they share one sick, perverse mind. My slight movements of being awake arouse Brian, in more ways than one. He cranes his neck and kisses me long and succulently. A good morning kiss to beat all other good morning kisses. He shifts his weight and mounts me so that his body lies right on top of me as opposed to just off to my side. He focuses his weight on his hips and groin so that his gentle gyrating can trigger my own grind against him. After a bit of this, which does not seem to awaken our elves at all, Brian stops kissing me long enough to raise himself up on his hands so he can stare right into my eyes. I'm lost in that blue gaze for several hours, it seems, though I'm sure it is only a few seconds before he speaks. "Well, that was fun. What's next, Helsinki Hero In A Sandwich?" Brian teases as our companions last evening had made up this name for me as I was, indeed, made a sandwich of by them. "Hmmm, are you ready to leave this fair city, eh? I know it might be . . . hard . . ." I tease back and deeply grind up hard into Brian's sex with my own to make my point. " . . . to do so with the fine friends we have made. But, I have a surprise for you and I cannot give it to you here." I wink and grind again which causes Brian to roll his eyes with pleasure and sink back down on top of me. "What's wrong with giving it to me again here? I'm sure Santa's Freaky Helpers wouldn't mind helping out one last time before breakfast, or whatever you guys do over here." Brian breaths into my ear which causes me, then, to shiver with sexual delight. "Wrong . . . Ungh . . . " I try to suppress an all-out moan as Brian begins to stroke me into bone hardness. It is hard to concentrate on words when you are getting such an expert handjob from the one you love most in the world. "Ung . . . wrong surprise . . . Ooo . . . Brian." I groan. Thinking and making intelligent conversation become more difficult as my smaller head takes over for my bigger head. "Yeah . . . I'd have to say that what we do every morning isn't . . . uhhhhh . . . much . . . of a surprise. OH Fuck, YES!" Brian blurts way too loud as he impales himself on my bone hardness. Apparently, there is enough lubrication left over from earlier this morning to make the passage of myself into his passage possible. As his tightness grips me, I completely forget what I was going to say. "Ohhhh, dear God! How is it . . . ahh . . . that every time you do that it feels like the very first time!" I pant as the pulling suction of his kneading insides strikes the fire-hot sparks of my penis's pleasure centres. How he can be so tight after the abuse from last night is almost unnatural. "Likewise, I'm sure! UNGH! UNGH! UNNNGH!" Brian babbles senselessly as his own leaking bone hardness spanks itself on my belly repeatedly as he completely bounces most of our elves off the bed with his exuberance! Noah is the first to make known his displeasure at this: "What is happening? How could you two start without us? It is not fair! We were still asleep!" He pouts for effect most adorably. The others make Danish noises that seem to agree with Noah. "Hey . . . Oof . . . you guys . . . uuuh . . . gotta get up early . . . oh fuuck . . . if you wanna play with . . . oh, gawd . . . US!" I screw up Brian's speech pattern by screwing him up with powerful return thrusts into his body to match his vicious ‘cowboy riding,' as Brian calls it. "OH SHIT . . . Dammit, Snowplow! You're gonna make me NUT already! Oh my GOD!" Indeed, this will have to be a ‘quicky'. The passion is too intense, per usual, and the fact that we now have a rapt and masturbating audience seems to make our sex even hotter than usual. "WAIT! Do not cum yet! I need some . . .!" Noah leaps at us startling us both and then latches onto Brian's bone hardness with his mouth. Noah sucks Brian in deeply all the way back to the throat without so much as a gag and, naturally, that is far too much stimulation for Brian, even as practised and controlled as he is with fucking. "OOOOHHRRRRrrr gaaaWWWD!" Brian clenches and thrusts forward into Noah's mouth and I feel the intense contractions of his orgasm ripple about me inside of him. My own climax is there on the edge and with two powerful pumps I, too, am over the edge. "UNNGH UNGGH UNNNNGH!" My back arches lifting both Brian and Noah off the bed. Noah has straddled me to hold on so he isn't flung off from his blowjob. Brian is still cumming and I cannot seem to stop either. Noah pulls off of Brian as he slides his little bum toward my face and then sinks his own bone hardness into my mouth. Instinctively, I suck down on his sweet toy and allow him to pump with a few ragged pumps against my tongue before his youthful body tenses into iron all over. I feel him grip my sides almost painfully as he ejaculates copious amounts of his remarkably salty-sweetness into my palpating mouth. "AIIIEEEEEE! AIIIIEE! AIIUUUGH! UGGGGH! Uggg unnnn nnnn." Noah shivers as he peaks and descends from the height of what must have been a mountainous climax to make such noises come out of his tightened larynx. Around us, similar noises of sexual distress follow and I loll my head over to see a foursome on the floor doing things only pretzels can do. The 69s with 99s seem to be the configurations of the day. More appropriately, 6699, since all four seem to be embedded in each other in one way or another. It is like watching a perverse circus act. "Oh. . . oh my god. I . . . didn't think I had that much left . . . uhm . . . In me!" Brian moans on top of me with me still inside him slowly deflating. Brian seems to wilt with the same speed as my not-so-bone hardness does. "Oh, but you say that every time, Bri-Bri." I tease a bit, breathlessly. "Åh Gud! Åh Gud!" Noah murmurs as he drapes entirely over my belly behaving much as melted cheese does. He is light for a guy, oddly, and equally as warm as melted cheese. Noah's warmth is welcome, as is Brian's since he still rests solidly on my lap. It has, indeed, been colder of late, even for Helsinki. We are all spent, though, and finally, I think we can say we finished off our fun here in Helsinki with a ‘bang' (in more ways than one). But, I am finished here and I believe Brian is also. We have to get moving if I am too give Brian his surprise. So I lightly spank Noah on his precious little bum and signal him to get off of me. He does so, but with a whine of reluctance. "Oh, but I was so-o comfortable there! Why must I move? Where are we going?" He asks with playful disappointment. "Alas, ‘we' are not going anywhere, but Brian and I have a date to keep elsewhere," I tell Noah and his attentive doppelgängers. Brian, who has yet to let me up from my reclining position, cocks his head and looks at me with confusion. "Where, exactly, are you dragging my ass off to this time? I was just getting used to this place and having a bunch of Santa's elves as fuck-buddies." Brian wiggles his beautiful ass for effect, but I fear he has drained me to the point of erectile dysfunction, for the moment. "Have you ever seen The Northern Lights, Bri-Bri?" I ask him, looking deep into his sky-blue eyes. "Uh, only on TV and a little bit last night outside before I froze my ass off," Brian says this, but does so in a mesmerised way as he touches something in my eyes that says this is very important. "Woooow! You are going North, aren't you? Oh, I wish we could come with you!" Maggs calls from the floor with uncharacteristic excitement. I ignore the attempt to wedge himself into something that can only be most private between Brian and me. "Then, no . . . you have never seen them, not really. I must show them to you. I must take you home to do so. You need to come home with me, Brian. It is time!" I say this with great seriousness as I sit up to take Brian by both sides of his precious face. "Um, ~gulp~, Ok. Um, sure, if it means that much to you." Brian tries to be nonchalant, but cannot quite pull it off. The intensity of my gaze is matching the swell of feelings insides me. I must take Brian home with me to the Forever White under the Phosphorescent Sky. I must take him to the land of reindeer and to a land of Christmas wonder. A place where many legends were born. The place where I was born: the Lapland. I must do this so that I can properly propose to Brian there.

"This is one of the many reasons why you make me love you with all my heart, Billy Chase. You ARE the Golden Boy, inside and out. My Hero! " ~ Brandon

Another addition to the Gone From Daylight soundtracks I've been cobbling together for Imagine. This one covers, in music, the Vampire Colby's journey in finding Deacon and his falling for a living boy. This one is unique because I found the music genera 'Country/Western Gothic,' a surprisingly dark and spooky place who's father was none other than The Man In Black himself: Johnny Cash. He is well represented here lending his voice to the narrative. This is A Child Of Sunset: Colby's Trail

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Track List After The Sunset (Dan Gibson’s Solitudes) - Overture Wayfaring Stranger (16 Horsepower) - Mysterious Colby’s Theme At A Glance (Message To Bears) - Colby Finds Prey Of A Different Kind When The Lights Go Out (The Black Keys) - Longing For Sunset To See Him Again I Waited For You (Daniel Norgren) - The End To A Long Search Into My Arms (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds) - Holding Sweet Deacon For The First Time Nobody ‘Cept You (16 Horsepower) - ‘Deacon Is Mine’ Until The Night Is Over (Timbre Timbre) - How To Keep Him? Awake O Sleeper (The Brothers Bright) - An Awakening Darkness The Man Comes Around (Johnny Cash) - Something Wicked This Way Comes Twilight On The Trail (Clint Eastwood) - Colby’s Trail Song Flesh And Blood (Johnny Cash) - Making Love Under The Stars Blood On My Name (the Brothers Bright) - Heaven And Hell I See A Darkness (Johnny Cash) - Colby Revealed Evil Ways (Blues Saraceno) - How Can One Love A Monster? You Are My Sunshine (Johnny Cash) - Deacon The Only Beacon In The Eternal Night Vampyre Dust (Kreeps) - Shadows Of The Vampyre Wanted Dead Or Alive (Bon Jovi) - Wanted For Murder I Will Never Die (Delta Rae) - Colby Immortal You Will Find Me (CHPTRS) - Promises Before Sunrise ———————————— After The Sunset (Dan Gibson’s Soliturdes) - Overture Gentle Overture For A Gentle Western Evening Wayfaring Stranger (16 Horsepower) - Mysterious Colby’s Theme I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger Traveling through this world below There is no sickness, no toil, nor danger In that bright land to which I go I'm going there to see my Father And all my loved ones who've gone on I'm just going over Jordan I'm just going over home I know dark clouds will gather 'round me I know my way is hard and steep But beauteous fields arise before me Where God's redeemed, their vigils keep I'm going there to see my Father He said he'd meet me when I come So, I'm just going over Jordan I'm just going over home I'm just going over Jordan I'm just going over home At A Glance (Message To Bears) - Colby Finds Prey Of A Different Kind Throw it down, look away Don't be scared, it's okay Settle down, set it right Don't be scared, its alright When The Lights Go Out (The Black Keys) - Longing For Sunset To See Him Again Don't it hurt so bad When you're standin’ in the sun In the bottom of your heart You don't love no one You can be oh so mean I just can't see, no in between You know what the sun's all about When the lights go out What a way to live Back of your class End of the line Always last You can be oh so mean I just can't see, no in between You know what the sun's all about When the lights go out See the moon See the stars From your lonely seat In your lonely cars You can be oh so mean I just can't see, no in between You know what the sun's all about When the lights go out I Waited For You (Daniel Norgren) - The End To A Long Search Like the wondering ghost for a harbor Like the ground beneath the snow for springtime Like the believer for something to believe in Like the drifting castaway for shoreline I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I burned out my eyes on the horizon Sunups in the east and sundowns in the west I watched them all for just one reason Sun came up or down, I couldn’t care less I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you I waited for you All the way through All the way down the line I waited for you Into My Arms (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds) - Holding Sweet Deacon For The First Time I don’t believe in an interventionist God But I know, darling, that you do But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him Not to intervene when it came to you Not to touch a hair on your head To leave you as you are And if He felt He had to direct you Then direct you into my arms Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms And I don’t believe in the existence of angels But looking at you I wonder if that’s true But if I did I would summon them together And ask them to watch over you To each burn a candle for you To make bright and clear your path And to walk, like Christ, in grace and love And guide you into my arms Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms But I believe in Love And I know that you do too And I believe in some kind of path That we can walk down, me and you So keep your candles burning And make her journey bright and pure That she will keep returning Always and evermore Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms, O Lord Into my arms Nobody ‘Cept You (16 Horsepower) - ‘Deacon Is Mine’ Nothin' 'round here to me that's sacred 'Cept you, yeah you Nothin' 'round here to me that matters 'Cept you, yeah you You're the one that reaches me You're the one that I admire Every time we meet together I feel like I'm on fire Nothin' matters to me And there is nothin' I desire 'Cept you, yeah you Nothin' 'round here I care to try for 'Cept you, yeah you Got nothin' here to live or die for 'Cept you, yeah you As a kid I'd hear it In the churches all the time Make me feel so good inside So peaceful, so sublime Now nothin' does remind me Of that old familiar chime 'Cept you, yeah you Used to run in the cemetery Dance and run and sing when I was a child And it never seemed strange Now I just pass mournfully by That place where the bones of life are piled I know something has changed I'm a stranger here and no one sees me 'Cept you, yeah you Nothin' anymore seems to please me 'Cept you, yeah you Your love hypnotizes me It holds me in its spell Everything runs by me Just like water from a well Everybody wants my attention Everybody's got something to sell 'Cept you, yeah you I'm in love with you I'm in love with you Until The Night Is Over (Timbre Timbre) - How To Keep Him? There is a house in New Orleans Where you woke from a coma and they bit your cheek And they cleaned you out when you went to sleep Oh, I just wanna change your mind I just wanna change your mind And it might become right away It might become till the day I'm done And I saw it as the house caught fire And I saw it when the thief got brave It's like a night, night, crawler, crawlin' out in the yard And it's comin' over me in waves But you're haunted by the morning sun You keep digging till the night is over I ain't no doctor, babe I ain't no doctor, son But I'll cool your fever till the doctor comes It's a miracle, babe, but it ain't no fun I just wanna change your mind I just wanna change your mind It might become right away It might become till the day I'm done And I saw it as the house caught fire And I saw it when the thief got brave It's like a night, night, crawler, crawlin' out in the yard And it's comin' over me in waves But it's not here now It's the chance of it I hate It's a hundred thousand miles off Comin' closer every day Awake O Sleeper (The Brothers Bright) - An Awakening Darkness Oh Abraham would raise his hands; and mourn this very day; for his children left the promise land; in search of their own way. They kick and scream like wayward sons; And always wanting to sleep; and dream away these evil days; in hopes that God can't see. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) Your suffering will come again; and never fall away. For we trade our many comforts; Like the ones who bled for grace. There will come a day my God will come; and put me in my place. My God I pray; You'll call my name; instead of turn away. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. There are chains upon your children Lord; Chains upon your children. Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of Jesus. Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of the Lord. I said, Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of Jesus. Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of God. Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) Do you hear the lion roar? (Awake O Sleeper) Stand with me we'll fight the war. (Awake O Sleeper) (Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of Jesus; Let no man bring me harm; I bear the marks of the Lord.) The Man Comes Around (Johnny Cash) - Something Wicked This Way Comes "And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder One of the four beasts saying, 'Come and see.' and I saw, and behold a white horse" There's a man goin' 'round takin' names And he decides who to free and who to blame Everybody won't be treated all the same There'll be a golden ladder reachin' down When the man comes around The hairs on your arm will stand up At the terror in each sip and in each sup Will you partake of that last offered cup Or disappear into the potter's ground? When the man comes around Hear the trumpets hear the pipers One hundred million angels singin' Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettledrum Voices callin', voices cryin' Some are born and some are dyin' It's alpha and omega's kingdom come And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree The virgins are all trimming their wicks The whirlwind is in the thorn tree It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks Till Armageddon no shalam, no shalom Then the father hen will call his chickens home The wise man will bow down before the throne And at his feet, they'll cast their golden crowns When the man comes around Whoever is unjust let him be unjust still Whoever is righteous let him be righteous still Whoever is filthy let him be filthy still Listen to the words long written down When the man comes around Hear the trumpets hear the pipers One hundred million angels singin' Multitudes are marchin' to the big kettledrum Voices callin', voices cryin' Some are born and some are dyin' It's alpha and omega's kingdom come And the whirlwind is in the thorn tree The virgins are all trimming their wicks The whirlwind is in the thorn trees It's hard for thee to kick against the prick In measured hundredweight and penny pound When the man comes around "And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts And I looked, and behold a pale horse And his name that sat on him was death, and hell followed with him" Twilight On The Trail (Clint Eastwood) - Colby’s Trail Song When its twilight on the trail and I jog along The world is like a dream and the ripple of a stream is my song. When its twilight in the trail and I rest once more My ceiling is the sky and the grass in which I lie is my floor. Never, never have a nickel in my jeans Never ever have a debt to pay Still, I understand what real contentment mean Guess I was born that way When its twilight on the trail and my voice is still Please plant this heart of mine underneath the lonesome pine on the hill Guess I was born that way When its twilight on the trail and my voice is still Please plant this heart of mine underneath the lonesome pine on the hill When its twilight on the trail. Flesh And Blood (Johnny Cash) - Making Love Under The Stars Beside a singing mountain stream Where the willow grew Where the silver leaf of maple Sparkled in the morning dew I braided twigs of willows Made a string of buckeye beads But flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need I leaned against a bark of birch And I breathed the honeydew I saw a North-bound flock of geese Against a sky of baby blue Beside the lily pads I carved a whistle from a reed Mother Nature's quite a lady But you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need A cardinal sang just for me And I thanked him for the song Then the sun went slowly down the west And I had to move along These were some of the things On which my mind and spirit feed But flesh and blood need flesh and blood And you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need So when this day was ended I was still not satisfied For I knew everything I touched Would wither and would die And love is all that will remain And grow from all these seeds Mother Nature's quite a lady But you're the one I need Flesh and blood needs flesh and blood And you're the one I need Blood On My Name (the Brothers Bright) - Heaven And Hell There's a reckoning a'comin' It burns beyond the grave There's lead inside my belly 'Cause my soul has lost its way Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid? When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you With the hounds of hell coming after you I've got blood, I've got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you I've got blood, I've got blood, blood on my name Not a spell gonna be broken With a potion or a priest When you're cursed you're always hoping That a prophet would be grieved Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid? Can't you see I'm sorry? I will make it worth your while Made of dead man's money You can see it in my smile Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid? Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid? When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you And the whole wide world's coming after you I got blood, I got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you I got blood, I got blood, blood on my name It won't be long 'Til I'm dead and gone It won't be long 'Til I'm dead and gone Watch the fires rise Burn through my skin Down to the bone Scorching my soul Nowhere to run Nowhere to run Nowhere to run When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you With the hounds of hell coming after you I've got blood, I've got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires are consuming you And your sacred stars won't be guiding you I've got blood, I've got blood on my name When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you And the whole wide world's coming after you I've got blood, I've got blood, blood on my name I See A Darkness (Johnny Cash) - Colby Revealed Well, you're my friend And can you see Many times we've been out drinking Many times we've shared our thoughts But did you ever, ever notice The kind of thoughts I got? Well, you know I have a love A love for everyone I know And you know I have a drive To live, I won't let go But can you see this opposition Comes rising up sometimes? That it's dreadful imposition Comes blacking in my mind And then I see a darkness And then I see a darkness And then I see a darkness And then I see a darkness Did you know how much I love you? Is a hope that somehow you Can save me from this darkness Well, I hope that someday, buddy We have peace in our lives Together or apart Alone or with our wives And we can stop our whoring And pull the smiles inside And light it up forever And never go to sleep My best unbeaten brother This isn't all I see Oh no, I see a darkness Oh no, I see a darkness Oh no, I see a darkness Oh no, I see a darkness Did you know how much I love you? Is a hope that somehow you Can save me from this darkness Evil Ways (Blues Saraceno) - How Can One Love A Monster? Its been so long Long hard days They don't say Gods change my ways Change my ways Those evil ways So I set out Cross that way Strike them down To make them pay Change their ways Their evil ways But I can’t hide Ooooooo And I won't hide Oooooo Yeah! My Evil Ways I found out The hate grow cold The god rise up Damn my soul Cause I ain't change Change my ways I ain't change So I won't hide Ooooo I won't hide Oooooo I can't hide Yeah! Ooooooo I can't hide HEY! My evil ways (Long Solo) Well I can't hide Ooooo And I won't hide Ooooo yeah! Well I can't hide Ooooo ouh! Caus’ I can't hide My evil ways You Are My Sunshine (Johnny Cash) - Deacon The Only Beacon In The Eternal Night The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamt I held you in my arms When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken So I bowed my head and I cried You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know, dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away I've always loved you and made you happy And nothing else could come between But now you've left me to love another You have shattered all of my dreams You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know, dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away Vampyre Dust (Kreeps) - Shadows Of The Vampyre Creepy Western Instrumental Interlude Wanted Dead Or Alive (Bon Jovi) - Wanted For Murder It's all the same, only the names will change Every day, it seems we're wastin' away Another place where the faces are so cold I drive all night just to get back home I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted dead or alive Wanted dead or alive Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it's not for days The people I meet always go their separate ways Sometimes you tell the day By the bottle that you drink And times, when you're all alone all you do, is think I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive Wanted (wanted) dead or alive Oh, and I ride (Yeah) Oh, and I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted dead or alive I walk these streets A loaded six-string on my back I play for keeps 'cause I might not make it back I've been everywhere, still, I'm standing tall I've seen a million faces And I've rocked them all I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side I'm wanted (wanted) dead or alive And I ride, dead or alive I still drive (I still drive) dead or alive Dead or alive, dead or alive, dead or alive, dead or alive I Will Never Die (Delta Rae) - Colby Immortal Hickory, oak, pine, and weed Bury my heart underneath these trees And when a southern wind comes to raise my soul Spread my spirit like a flock of crows 'Cause I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long Old heat of raging fire Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss to electric wire But I'll never die Sycamore, ash, moss, and loam Wrap your roots all around my bones And when they come for me When they call my name Cast my shadow from a bellow's flame 'Cause I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long I've loved you for too long (So let the storm come) Old heat of raging fire Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss to electric wire But I'll never die I will never die You can bury my body, but I'll never die In the dead of night (In the dead of night) I'm gonna loose these chains (I'm gonna loose these chains) I'm gonna run and run and run and run and run (Sing on, sister) I'm gonna run and run and run and run Coming for you again (Oh, coming for you again) So let the storm come Old heat of raging fire Come and light my eyes Summer's kiss to electric wire But I'll never die I will never die You can bury my body, but I'll never die Hickory, oak, pine, and weed Bury my heart underneath these trees You Will Find Me (CHPTRS) - Promises Before Sunrise This is more than you can handle This is more than you will ever know Stop now thinking there’s another way You don’t even have the words to say Look around you, look around you Look around you, you’re all alone Don’t worry, you will find me When you need me, I am watching you Don’t worry, you will find me When you call me, I am listening Don’t worry, you will find me When you need me, I am watching you Don’t worry, you will find me Don’t worry, you will find me

I’ve been very busy lately so I was able to get this one done as I had been working on it for a while. I’ll see if I can get the Child of Sunset one done before you go live on Imagine mid-month. I will also have my usual submissions ready. It’s too bad that Jimmy couldn’t have existed in way I could have known him when I was in High School. I would have been that love, that love he needed. Brandon found Billy first, but to have had such a passionate lover as Jimmy is probably a treasure Billy missed out on.

I just posted this with some new songs and lyrics to my blog section: Enjoy the heartbreak.

Track List —————————————————— Loveless (Lo Moon) - Entering Into The Experience Out Of Reach (Annie) - Endlessly Wanting Him Please, Please, Please Give Me What I Want! (The Dream Academy’s Cover of The Smiths) - Begging For Just One Good Day Shake The Disease (Depeche Mode) - The Crippled Heart Longs For Expression The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get (Morrissey) - The Beginning Of The Obsession See You (Depeche Mode) - Distant Devotion Wishful Thinking (China Crisis) - Bedtime Crises Only The Lonely (The Motels) - ‘Only The Lonely Can Play’ I’ll Always Come Back (Swim Team) - Stuck Within His Relentless Gravity Lie To Me (Depeche Mode) - Taking The Lies Over The Lovelessness In Your Room (Depeche Mode) - Desperate Sexual Fantasies For Him The Golden Boy (Epsen Kraft) - When The Fantasy Becomes Reality Seeing Stars (Empathy Test) - To Be Loveless No More Fool Of Me (Meshell Ndegeocello) - Love’s Fool Hurts Too Much (Cinnamon Chasers) - Broken Entirely So In Love (OMD) - When Love Becomes Hate Without You (Air Supply) - Pleading In Anguish Losing Touch (Empathy Test) - The Sharp Knives Of Being Ignored The One I Gave My Heart To (Aaliyah) - Unravelling Throwing Stones, The Minuit Machine Remix (Empathy Test and The Minuit Machine) - Brandon Will Pay! Love Will Tears Us Apart (Joy Division) - Emails And Photos As Weapons The Crying Game (Boy George) - Loveless Again Suicide Is Painless (Ania Cover) - Ultimately, The Only Way Out Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade) - The Final Farewell The Rumor (Depeche Mode) - ‘Something’s Happened To Jimmy’ Dante’s Prayer (Loreena McKennitt) - A Young Soul Seeking Release And Remembrance ———————————— Loveless (Lo Moon) - Entering Into The Experience Crosses in the distance, bells ring fast Loveless in our shelter, time will pass Could you take the chance on us? Could you take the chance on us? Call out to the lonely with regrets Loveless is your answer, time will pass Couldn’t take a chance on us Couldn’t take a chance on us Take my hand In belief we trace our steps Understand No relief in silhouettes Battled myself so many times What I was isn’t what I want now We can seek denial and search for miles Blessed love, the love I need Rolling drums, the Loveless bleed Take my hand In belief we trace our steps Understand No relief in silhouettes Out Of Reach (Annie) - Endlessly Wanting Him Oh it's Sunday night I am lying in my bed Thinking of the time When I was in your arms The other day Oh it's been so long I could not see Waiting for someone That was always right In front of me Why didn't I say something? Didn't do something? When I knew right Yeah, you could be with me Why was I so blind? Why didn't I take the time? And now you're gone, boy Oh you could be with me Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things That You said to me, my baby You're out of reach Tossing and turning I cannot sleep Haunted by the things That I did not say, my baby You're out of reach You're out of reach If I could go back and rewind I'd show you that You're more than just a friend In every way I'd tell you all my secrets Boy, if you come back I'll never let you down I'll let you in Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things That you said to me, my baby You're out of reach Tossing and turning I cannot sleep Haunted by the things That I did not say, my baby You're out of reach You're out of reach Where are you now when the lights are low? ‘Cause I'm thinking of you, I won't let you go Why didn't I say something? Didn't do something? When I knew right Yeah, you could be with me Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things You said to me, to me Oh I'm lying in my bed And I can not sleep Thinking of the things You said to me, to me Please, Please, Please Give Me What I Want! (The Dream Academy’s Cover of The Smiths) - Begging For Just One Good Day Good times for a change Seems the luck I've had Can make a good man Turn bad So please, please, please Let me, let me, let me Let me get what I want This time Haven't had a dream in a long time Seems the life I've had Can make a good man bad So for once in my life Let me get what I want Lord knows, it would be the first time Lord knows, it would be the first time Shake The Disease (Depeche Mode) - The Crippled Heart Longs For Expression I'm not going down on my knees, Begging you to adore me Can't you see it's misery And torture for me When I'm misunderstood Try as hard as you can, I've tried as hard as I could To make you see How important it is for me Here is a plea From my heart to you Nobody knows me As well as you do You know how hard it is for me To shake the disease That takes hold of my tongue In situations like these Understand me Some people have to be Permanently together Lovers devoted to Each other forever Now I've got things to do And I've said before that I know you have too When I'm not there In spirit I'll be there Here is a plea From my heart to you Nobody knows me As well as you do You know how hard it is for me To shake the disease That takes hold of my tongue In situations like these Understand me The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get (Morrissey) - The Beginning Of The Obsession The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time I will be In the bar With my head On the bar I am now A central part Of your mind's landscape Whether you care Or do not Yeah, I've made up your mind The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time The more you ignore me The closer I get You're wasting your time Beware! I bear more grudges Than lonely high court judges When you sleep I will creep Into your thoughts Like a bad debt That you can't pay Take the easy way And give in Yeah, and let me in Oh, let me in Oh, let me ahhh Oh, let me in It's war It's war It's war It's war It's war War War War War Oh, let me in Ah, the closer I get Oh, you're asking for it Ah, the closer I get Ooh, the closer I get See You (Depeche Mode) - Distant Devotion All I want to do is see you again Is that too much to ask for? I just want to see your sweet smile Smile the way it was before Well I'll try not to hold you And I'll try not to kiss you And I won't even touch you All I want to do is see you Don't you know that it's true I remember the days when we'd walk through the woods And sit on a bench for a while I treasure the way we used to laugh and play And look in each others eyes You can keep me at a distance if you don't trust my resistance But I swear I won't touch you All I want to do is see you Don't you know that it's true Well, I know five months is a long time And that times change (oh that times change) But I think that you will find People are basically the same (basically the same) If the water's still flowing, we can go for a swim And do the things we used to do And if I'm reluctant you can pull me in And we can relive our youth Oh, but we'll stay friendly like friends and brothers Though I think I still love you All I want to do is see you Don't you know that it's true? Wishful Thinking (China Crisis) - Bedtime Crises It's time we should talk about it There's no secret kept in here Forgive me for asking Now wipe away your tears And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall It's just wishful thinking I sat on the roof And watched the day go by I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands Makes it all worthwhile And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall It's just wishful thinking It's time we should talk about it There's no secret kept in here I see the likeness in his smile and the way he stands Makes it all worthwhile And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall And if I wish to stop it all And if I wish to comfort the fall It's just wishful thinking Only The Lonely (The Motels) - ‘Only The Lonely Can Play’ We walked the loneliest mile We smile without any style We kiss all together wrong No intention We lie about what each other thinks We live without each other Thinking what anyone would do Without me and you It's like I told you Only the lonely can play So hold on, here we go Hold on to nothin' we know I feel so lonely Way up here You mention the time we were together So long ago well I don't remember All I know is it makes me feel good now It's like I told you only the lonely can play Only the lonely only the lonely can play Only the lonely only the lonely can play It's like I told you only the lonely can play Only the lonely Only the lonely can play I’ll Always Come Back (Swim Team) - Stuck Within His Relentless Gravity Stay here with me before you go You know you're sweet the way you are Fall on my knees, I can't hold on ‘Cause I won't sleep 'til I am with You, I'll kiss your chapped lips We've shared my mattress I'll always come back With you, you'll hold my jacket We're leaving separate You'll never come back Walk in your sleep to the backyard Dig up the bones of what once was I'm growing weak from working hard A shimmerless life when I'm without You, I'll kiss your chapped lips We've shared my mattress I'll always come back With you, you'll hold my jacket We're leaving separate You'll never come back Take back what I said I know that you've tried too If I had what I want Let time go without us With You, I'll kiss your chapped lips We've shared my mattress I'll always come back With you, you'll hold my jacket We're leaving separate You'll never come back Lie To Me (Depeche Mode) - Taking The Lies Over The Lovelessness [Chorus: x2] Come on and lay with me Come on and lie to me Tell me you love me Say I'm the only one Experiences have a lasting impression But words once spoken Don't mean a lot now Belief is the way The way of the innocent And when I say innocent I should say naïve So lie to me But do it with sincerity Make me listen Just for a minute Make me think There's some truth in it [Chorus: x2] Promises made for convenience Aren't necessarily What we need Truth is a word That's lost its meaning The truth has become Merely half-truth So lie to me Like they do it in the factory Make me think That at the end of the day Some great reward Will be coming my way [Chorus: Repeats] In Your Room (Depeche Mode) - Desperate Sexual Fantasies For Him In your room Where time stands still Or moves at your will Will you let the morning come soon Or will you leave me lying here In your favourite darkness Your favourite half-light Your favourite consciousness Your favourite slave In your room Where souls disappear Only you exist here Will you lead me to your armchair Or leave me lying here Your favourite innocence Your favourite prize Your favourite smile Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here In your room Your burning eyes Cause flames to arise Will you let the fire die down soon Or will I always be here Your favourite passion Your favourite game Your favourite mirror Your favourite slave I'm hanging on your words Living on your breath Feeling with your skin Will I always be here The Golden Boy (Epsen Kraft) - When The Fantasy Becomes Reality That's all I wanted from you, love That's all I need That's all I wanted from you, love I want release That's all I wanted from you, love Oh, release That's all I wanted from your touch Your golden leaks I want to... I want to breathe I want you... I want release I want to... want to breathe I want you... I want release This is the last day of the summer, so wake up boy x4 This is the last day of your world, so wake up boy This is the last day of your world, so wake up boy This is the last day... This is the last day of your world, Golden Boy Seeing Stars (Empathy Test) - To Be Loveless No More Everybody knows you’re not perfect But you still do your best to hide your flaws. Everything you do is just surface But we all know what goes on behind closed doors. You’ll never know how it feels To be out on a limb, in the wind. And you’ll never know how much it hurts To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars Everything we do is falling snowflakes It will all have melted by the dawn. Give up all your fears for your own sakes And follow me out into the storm. You’ll never know how it feels To be out on a limb, in the wind. And you’ll never know how much it hurts To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars To fall so hard you see stars Fool Of Me (Meshell Ndegeocello) - Love’s Fool I remember when you filled my heart with joy Was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space? 'Cause now you have no interest in anything that I have to say And I have allowed you to make me feel, I feel so dumb What kind of fool am I that you so easily set me aside You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don't care that we made love Tell me why You made a fool of me . . . you made a fool of me I want to kiss you Does he want you with the pain that I do? I smell you in my dreams But now when we're face to face you won't look me in the eye No time, No friendship, No love You say don't touch you I can't touch you no more Can't touch you anymore, anymore I don't touch you anymore You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don't care that we made love Tell me why You made a fool of me, you made a fool of me Tell me why. Hurts Too Much (Cinnamon Chasers) - Broken Entirely Today is real and I can see the war starting now between us Broke me in two We could've spent our life together Now we're pushed apart forever Not long to go I gotta get myself together Ain't gonna be like this forever Our broken dreams Now I can't believe our love is finally over It hurts too much to be apart Is it real, this love? Can you feel my touch? Today is real and I can see the war starting now between us Broke me in two We could've spent our life together Now we're pushed apart forever It hurts too much to be apart Is it real, this love? Can you feel my touch? So In Love (OMD) - When Love Becomes Hate Talk to me, don't lie to me Save your breath Don't look at me, don't smile at me Just close your eyes I was so impressed by you I was running blind I would fall for every trick Every twist of mind Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you ~ Jimmy thinks Billy is saying with his silence ‘Don't say your prayers, don't build your hopes Just walk away Don't phone me up, don't call around Don't waste your time’ ‘You were so in awe of me You were so divine You would do just anything To still be mine’ Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you All the things you said to me I was so obsessed You were always talking, talking God, I did my best Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you (I was so in love with you) Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you (I was so in love with you) Heaven is cold Without any soul It's hard to believe I was so in love with you I was so in love, I was so in love, I was so in love with you So in love with you Without You (Air Supply) - Pleading In Anguish No, I can't forget this evening Or your face as you were leaving But I guess that's just the way the story goes You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows Yes, it shows No, I can't forget tomorrow When I think of all my sorrows When I had you there, but then you let me go And now it's only fair that I should let you know What you should know I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more Can't live, if living is without you Can't give, I can't give any more No, I can't forget this evening Or your face as you were leaving But I guess that's just the way the story goes You always smile but in you eyes your sorrow shows Yes, it shows I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more Can't live, if living is without you Can't give, I can't give any more I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more I can't live, if living is without you I can't give, I can't give any more Losing Touch (Empathy Test) - The Sharp Knives Of Being Ignored Scared of losing touch If I really mean that much Why pretend that you love him? Don't call me out of the blue It's clear that I still do And you know he knows it too. Going home alone The only love I've known It's always been you. It's always been you. Tell me it's not real Tell me he doesn't make you feel The way I made you feel If you care for me at all You'll hang up when I call You'll clear me the space to fall If you give I will receive And despite what they believe It's always been you. It's always been you. It's always been you. ~ Sam’s Helping Hand ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know ‘ It's always been you. ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know ‘ It's always been you. ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know’ It's always been you. ‘When you're feeling alone And you're colder than stone Call me you know ‘ It's always been you. It's always been you. The One I Gave My Heart To (Aaliyah) - Unravelling How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad? How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad? Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand. If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That? How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away? How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say? How Could The One I Was So True Too, Just Tell Me Lies? How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break This Heart Of Mine? Tell Me........ How Could You Be So Cold To Me? When I Gave You Everything. All My Love, All I Had Inside. How Could you Just Walk Out The Door? How Could You Not Love Me Anymore? I Thought We Had Forever. I Cant Understand. How Could The One I Shared My Dreams With, Take My Dreams From me? How Could The Love That Brought Such Pleasure, Bring Such Misery? Won’t Somebody Tell Me? Somebody Tell Me Please. If You Love Me, How Could You Do That To Me? Tell Me........ How Could you Just Walk Out The Door? How Could You Not Love Me Anymore? I Thought We Had Forever. I Cant Understand. *How Could The One I Gave My Heart To, Break My Heart So Bad? How Could The One Who Made Me Happy, Make Me Feel So Sad? Wont Somebody Tell Me? So I Can Understand. If You Love Me, How Could You Hurt Me Like That?* How Could The One I Gave My World To, Throw My World Away? How Could The One Who Said I Love You, Say The Things You Say? How Could The One I Was So True Too Just Tell Me Lies? *How Could The One I Gave My Heart To..... How Could The One I Gave My Heart To.... How Could The One I Gave My Heart To Break This Heart of Mine? Tell Me........ Throwing Stones, The Minuit Machine Remix (Empathy Test and The Minuit Machine) - Brandon Will Pay! Flicking through yesterday’s news Slipping my neck into the noose again Well it fits so well. Doesn't know where his loyalties lie - Then again neither do I. Going out thinking I am there Waking up in his arms but then I Never knew it would be so hard Never knew I would be a part of this Bitterness. I try to fall awake but I still sleep Wait for a week but I am weak And resolutions fail And once again I'm throwing stones At your window. Throwing stones At your window. Stand in the payphone, count to ten But you won’t call me back again. Sends a little shiver right through me When I hear you running down to me. But I know you’ll only turn away ‘Cause you've got nothing left to say to me Well; hear me out. I try to fall awake but I still sleep Wait for a week but I am weak. And resolutions fail And once again I'm throwing stones At your window. Throwing stones At your window. Throwing stones At your window. Throwing Stones At your window. Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division) - Emails And Photos As Weapons ~ Sending a photo hoping Billy will think this about Brandon ‘When routine bites hard And ambitions are low And resentment rides high But emotions won't grow And we're changing our ways, taking different roads Then love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again Why is the bedroom so cold? You've turned away on your side Is my timing that flawed? Our respect runs so dry Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives But love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again You cry out in your sleep All my failings exposed And there's a taste in my mouth As desperation takes hold Just that something so good just can't function no more But love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again Love, love will tear us apart again’ The Crying Game (Boy George) - To Be Loveless Again I know all there is to know about the crying game I've had my share of the crying game First there are kisses Then there are sighs And then, before you know where you are You're sayin' goodbye One day soon, I'm gonna tell the moon about the crying game And if he knows, maybe he'll explain Why there are heartaches (Heartaches)? Why there are tears (So sad)? Then what to do to stop feeling blue When love disappears First there are kisses (Kisses) Then there are sighs (So sad) And then, before you know where you are You're sayin' goodbye Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more) Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more) Don't want no more of the crying game (Don't want no more) Don't want no more of the crying game Suicide Is Painless (Ania Cover) - Ultimately, The Only Way Out Through early morning fog I see Visions of the things to be The pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see That suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please The game of life is hard to play I'm gonna lose it anyway The losing card I'll someday lay So this is all I have to say Suicide is painless (suicide) It brings on many changes (changes) And I can take or leave it if I please The sword of time will pierce our skins It doesn't hurt when it begins But as it works its way on in The pain grows stronger Watch it grin Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please A brave man once requested me To answer questions that are key ‘Is it to be or not to be?’ And I replied, ‘oh why ask me?’ Suicide is painless It brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please And you can do the same thing if you please Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade) - The Final Farewell It's a shame that it had to be this way It's not enough to say I'm sorry It's not enough to say I'm sorry Maybe I'm to blame Or maybe we're the same But, either way I can't breathe Either way I can't breathe All I had to say is goodbye We're better off this way We're better off this way I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive ‘Cause everything we've been through And everything about you Seemed to be a lie A guiltless twisted lie It made me learn to hate you Or hate myself for letting it pass by All I had to say is goodbye We're better off this way We're better off this way All I had to say is goodbye We're better off this way We're better off this way And every, everything isn't only What it seemed so hold these Words that you never told me Its time to say goodbye Its time to say goodbye Its time to say goodbye Goodbye Bye Take my pain away Tear it out Tell me I was wrong Tell me I was wrong Take my pain away Tear it out Tell me I was wrong Tell me I was wrong Take my pain away Tear it out Tell me I was wrong Tell me I was wrong (And so on) The Rumour (Depeche Mode) - ‘Something’s Happened To Jimmy’ Boy of fourteen Whole life ahead of him Slashed his wrists Bored with life Didn't succeed Thank the Lord For small mercies Fighting back the tears Mother reads the note again Fourteen candles burn in her mind She takes the blame It's always the same She goes down on her knees And prays . . . ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ Boy of fourteen Fell in love with somebody Found new life inside their eyes Hit by a lie Ended up On a life support machine Summer's day As he passed away Birds were singing In the summer's sky Then came the rain And once again A tear fell From his mother's eye ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ ‘I don't want to start Any blasphemous rumours But I think that God's Got a sick sense of humour And when I die I expect to find Him laughing’ Dante’s Prayer (Loreena McKennitt) - A Young Soul Seeking Release And Remembrance When the dark wood fell before me And all the paths were overgrown When the priests of pride say there is no other way I tilled the sorrows of stone I did not believe because I could not see Though you came to me in the night When the dawn seemed forever lost You showed me your love in the light of the stars Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea When the dark night seems endless Please remember me Then the mountain rose before me By the deep well of desire From the fountain of forgiveness Beyond the ice and fire Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea When the dark night seems endless Please remember me Though we share this humble path, alone How fragile is the heart Oh give these clay feet wings to fly To touch the face of the stars Breathe life into this feeble heart Lift this mortal veil of fear Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears We'll rise above these earthly cares Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea When the dark night seems endless Please remember me Please remember me Please remember me Please remember me . . .