MrM

I think it’s the thesaurus of the ages.

These ideas are the seeds for new stories just waiting to germinate. They’ll come to you forever. It’s too bad we have such a limited time to get to them all and cultivate them.

I have been MrM since the dawn of the Internetz. It’s actually not ‘Mister Emm’ but the unpronounceable symbol that marks a tabby cat’s head. I should say unpronounceable by human type people. Cats say it just fine. 🐈

Thank you so much! If you want some crossreferencing, this chapter tracks along with Brandon Smiling entries 34-35. https://gayauthors.org/story/mrm/brandonsmilingfromthebillychasechronicles/34 https://gayauthors.org/story/mrm/brandonsmilingfromthebillychasechronicles/35

You think you have it bad! I'm bouncing between Marvel and Star Wars and both franchises have been pumping out good stuff lately!

And a Shazam! earring at that!

Ch. 6 - Crossings from In Chandler's Hands is now available: https://gayauthors.org/story/mrm/in-chandlers-hands/6 Ann Marie Cross

Ann Marie Cross, also known by me since her birth as Mee Mee . . . I was eight going on nine when she was born and Jamie was going on five. Both of us boys were unsure about having a little sister join us. We barely managed to tolerate each other, so how were we going to deal with a sister? She wasn’t even a boy! But, when the magic day came and Mom brought little Mee Mee home, I was lost! I fell in love with that little girl right there and then and so did Jamie. She was definitely a Cross Kid, though, even at a young age, we knew . . . she was something far more special than either of us! She learned to walk, talk, and use the potty WAY before either of us! Why, I’m still not sure Jamie’s entirely housebroken! I mean, he’s almost ready to get his driver’s license! The kid’s aim is just abysmal . . . hence my nickname for him - Squirt! Marie also had more Taurus in her than any other May baby I’ve ever seen! She’s one gal you don’t want to piss off! But, she’s also one gal that, when she loves you, you’re loved for life! I’ve nursed my share of bruised shins, that’s for sure, but I’ve also kept every one of her friendship bracelets that she loves to make for me too! Those friendship bracelets lasted where the bruises didn’t. I’ve always known that Marie was meant for bigger and better things in this life. This feeling only grew in me as she did. She’s in her last year of Middle School now and she’s already knocked out most of her 10th and 11th Grade classes already! High School might be a moot point for her now, but I hope she’s allowed to go anyway. She is heir to popularity just like her big dumb blond brother, but unlike him, she doesn’t seem to value it or take it seriously. She’s always been very selective with her friends and only keeps a couple around her at any given time. She’s careful. I don’t know why she is, but she is very careful about people. It must be in-born because I can’t think of anyone that’s ever gotten away with hurting my Mee Mee! That’s mostly because of me, I think! I’ve always been fiercely protective of her. I’ve even been heavily reprimanded by my Mom and Pop for the times I’d tear into Jamie for pulling some stupid shit that would make little Marie cry! I was reminded that I’m not the parent! I’m just her big brother and had a lot to learn and that also, I had a duty to look after Jamie too! Well, I never questioned that with Jamie. Of course, I’ve come to bat for him a lot of times too and think that is one of the reasons he’s been able to accrue the Jock Army he now has at his beck and call. Jamie and I were close enough in age to where I’d often be in the same school as him just as he got started while I was finishing up. By the time Jamie’d come on the scene, I’d already have my red-headed reputation established. This was particularly good in Grade School when little tow-headed Jamie would get in trouble with some asshole bully and Crazy Chandler would come to his wailing little brother’s aide and THRASH whoever was bugging him. I was in detention and suspended any number of times for Jamie, so having my folks think I’d happily kill Jamie over Marie was ludicrous. However, sometimes, I’d come damn close to wanting to! I’ve always felt disconnected from Marie, though. Her world and mine has always been so much different. I suppose that distance grew as I stopped attending Church. More than anything, Marie liked Church. At first, I figured it was just her natural piousness that drove her, or the fact that she loved how pretty Church was, or the music, etc. I asked her about it and she said it was because that was where Jesus lived and she loved Him! Her innocent answer at five years old was all I needed to know about the fact that Marie not only had a great mind, but a greater soul! She really does seem to be an angel sent to earth to live with us mere mortals for a while. Later, though . . . her passion for going to Church seemed to take a more, um, obsessive turn. I was afraid she might be getting too serious into religiosity, but, thankfully, Jamie is a blabbermouth and he goes to Church regularly too, mostly because Mom insists. He informed me that there was another guy in there that Marie had started worshipping other than the Big Guy upstairs. She thought she was being secretive about it, but Jamie isn’t as stupid as he makes out, like I’ve said before. He also can’t hold his attention to ‘Church Stuff’ for more than 10 seconds, usually. So, following Marie’s line of sight would have been an easy distraction for him. Jamie picked up on you, Brandon, as you sat there next to your Dad. I remember him telling me about the fact he’d never seen you before and thought how cool you were at doing all the ‘Church Stuff’ right. Naturally, he had to tease Mee Mee about you which earned him some well placed smacks later. Marie has Jamie’s hair, but my temper! Strangely enough, Marie never talked to me about you. I got what intelligence I could from Jamie’s constant blabbing. Please, NEVER tell Jamie anything that you want to keep in confidence! He simply cannot keep secrets. He doesn’t lie, which is a good thing . . . usually, but that can be a big problem if anyone tells him not to talk about something. I hope to God he never gets in a situation where he needs to tell state secrets to terrorists or whatever! I considered attending a Mass just to see who it was that had captured my Mee Mee’s attention and if I needed to threaten them with their life or anything. But, I thought better of it. I figured that if she wanted my input she’d ask for it. She’s never been shy about that with other things. Hell, I don’t think Marie has ever had a shy moment in her entire life! She’s always had that same extroverted quality Jamie has and I had, before the Gay thing made me more cautious about people. So I left it. Interestingly, I never put two and two together and make the result be you and Mee Mee. This is something of a surprise, to be honest. I knew Marie had been seeing somebody, but not who. Fortunately, for my curiosity, I knew my birthday was coming up and that, by tradition, I had to make an appearance at home. Jamie had been ragging me about it for a month. There was little peace for me about it between me picking him up from school on certain days and his calling me constantly. He’d call to ask me about what I might want that he could surprise me with, by the way. Um, Jamie doesn’t seem to get the concept of ‘surprise’! So, I show up after my afternoon photo labs and find a couple of Jamie’s Goon Squad out front trying to shoot hoops in our drive-way basketball hoop over the garage. I say trying, because neither were succeeding. I forget their names and that’s probably because I never knew them or cared to know them. They wave at me all the same and make cat-call whistles at either my car or my tight clothes. I swear hormone crazy High School jocks will want to hump anyone or anything they see. In keeping with that thought, they both came up to me and ‘hugged’ on me and one of them smacked my butt like he’d known me for years! That one just about got a fisting . . . to the mouth-hole! I relented, however, seeing Jamie’s silly face peeking out at me from behind the drapes inside. He’s too cute, my little Squirt brother, so I spared him the carnage. I have to remember not to wear the tight denim cutoffs again around Jamie’s harem. I think it makes my ass too inviting a target for ‘confused’ young men. I saw Pop go around to the back yard to get the grill going and noticed Mom’s car wasn’t around which could only mean that these lunatics had the full run of the house for most of the afternoon! I shuddered to think at what horrors awaited me in there! I opened the door and was immediately greeted by a crushing bear hug from Jamie like he hadn’t just seen me a couple of days ago! After him I picked up my little Mee Mee and kissed her face to embarrass her as much as possible. I don’t think her thirteen year old self likes getting picked up like a seven year old, but, hey . . . old habits, you know? Besides, her I hadn’t seen in a while since our schedules seem to be so off these days. I swear the girl works harder than either of us boys ever did in our lives. Setting her down, I went looking and found you there looking so adorably starstruck! Hehehe! Brandon, you have the cutest ‘uh-oh’ face I’ve ever seen! It just lights up, you know? You’ll forgive me for the “A-Ha! This must be the ‘boyfriend’! Wow, Marzzy . . . Sharezies?” comment when I immediately picked you out as the Boyfriend from Church. I knew it could only be you. The guy with the bike and the guy Jamie goes on about. I figured it was only a matter of time before you’d get Crossed! Mee Mee’s possessiveness was a bit shocking, especially the, um, PG-13 way she went about it! Honestly, Mee Mee! Did you have to go and pinch poor Brandon’s butt? The ‘Uh-Oh’ face almost made it impossible for me not to up and kiss the boy myself! Hence the, “Let’s wait a few years, yet. Then we’ll see.” Happy as I was at seeing you there with Marie and finally getting to meet you face to face, I had my concerns for my Little One. My Gaydar went off immediately when I saw you for the first time and that riveted look you gave me at my Birthday Party rather put a punctuation mark on that Gaydar sounding. I know that look better than anyone and as cute as the ‘uh-oh’ face was, I knew where the shock was coming from. You ‘digged’ me, as they used to say in the Flaming Seventies. Yet, you were trying something out with Marie. I understand why. At that time you weren’t sure about yourself. Most of us go through a ‘girl’ phase to be sure of who we are . . . but I wish it hadn’t had to have been my Marie! As it turned out, circumstance answered the question and Marie had to go away to a school far off, so that separated the two of you. I’m glad of that, I think there would have been some broken hearts aplenty if you had to finally live your truth, Brandon, which would mean you’d have to dump Marie. That could of been the case or, just as bad, you’d continue on for Marie’s sake and have the hollow empty kind of relationship where something is always ‘off’. They usually end up the same way, broken, only after much more investment and much worse heart rending. I’ve seen it before . . . it’s not pretty! That said, at the time of the party I hoped my Gaydar was wrong and that you were just that rare gentle sweet straight boy Marie has always dreamed of. You are definitely her type. I hope she can find another like you more suited to her and at a later age when she’ll be more emotionally mature to handle a relationship. Later, like something in the house was purposefully tossing you at me, we literally bumped into each other at the bathroom of all places. A place, I must confess, that was a site for many of my ‘sins’ when I was your age and a little older. Oh those starry eyes and full on blush . . . I was so tempted to just kiss you and get it over with, but . . . I know better. I played it off with a riff of some song I must have picked up from somewhere. I’ve learned, when a situation is awkward, it’s best to make it even more awkward to the point where it just becomes plain silly. So, that might explain my deal that day. I sent you on your way to find that little Gay friend of yours. That emo guy, who was waiting for you, must have had to put up with those oafs in the front room for a long time. That poor kid! Of course, it had to go the direction it did with the likes of Karl and Jason around. When they get within spitting distance of a pretty boy smaller than them they always turn into Nelly trolls. When they get old enough, I’m going to have to drag them down to Boystown bodily to get them broken in. Those two are flaming closet-cases! As close as they are, I have a suspicion that Karl and Jason are already a ‘secret’ item and that they’ve already broken each other in. But, still they feel the need to beef up what’s left of their masculinity by picking on guys younger than them. Bullies to the end, I guess. Speaking of bullies, I heard that familiar bull moose-like bellowing and figured Karl had gotten into the liquor cabinet since, naturally, when he’s in someone else’s house he has a right to raid Dad’s liquor! I stalked down the stairs and high school jocks parted well away from me as I zeroed in on my prey. It’s the likes of Karl that give us red heads a bad name, particularly Gingers like Karl. I just caught the end of Karl’s one sided conversation, “HEY! I was TALKIN’ to you two! It’s bad fuckin’ manners just to walk away when someone starts a nice friendly conversation with you!” Opening the door, I saw the hulking giant carrot from Mars coming to loom over you and that poor emo kid who’s eyes were as big as blue saucers! Awwww! No Fucking Way! NOT IN MY HOUSE! NOT EVAR! Do you ever get so mad you can feel the tips of your ears burning? Well . . . “HEY, ASSWIPE! LEAVE ‘EM ALONE!” Bellowed I. Karl: “Something . . . ChanChan . . . Something, Something fucking birthday” was all my blood pounding ears could hear. It didn’t matter, because all that mattered was what I had to say! “Don’t you SASS ME, boy! Actually, you know what? GET THE FUCK OUT! I don’t want your shit-ass at my party! You always ruin shit, Karl!” Facts declared at high volume are hard with which to argue! But, somehow, Karl managed it. “I go where I fucking WANT, Faggot! I also DO what I want! Who says YOU can fucking order me around?” Says Karl and, while pretending to be a linebacker, he charges me, the idiot. I learned a long time ago to temper my temper with some thinking-juice. Why clobber the dumb fuck with my hands and get them all hurty when I could let the door do the clobbering for me! Thanks to Pop, he installed those swinging doors into the kitchen like they have in restaurants or whatever. CLUNK! That dazed the oversized orange Nerf football sufficiently for me to grab him, chuck him out the front door, and lock it behind him. No damage done since he only took a small knock to his head which is his hardest part. He’s lucky . . . he got off easy since I was feeling charitable on my birthday. After some bluster, he drove off into a police ticket for speeding and probably reckless driving. He won’t be driving his dad’s pickup for a long while, I’m betting. The nerve of some people! There was nothing but stunned silence in the room and then came my reward from my little Lady Marie - a bone crushing hug and a big kiss! She was probably even gladder than you and Emo-cutie to see that ding-dong thrown out like he sorely deserved. Interestingly, my Pop did not once step into the house to wonder about the ruckus. I imagine he knows I keep a clean house and that he needn’t worry when I’m home! Yes, I’m crowing a bit, but hey . . . I’m a proud blustery redhead myself, mind you, and don’t you fucking forget it! Hehehe! I had more fun than I’d had in ages playing Overwatch with you guys! You made my Twentieth Birthday something to remember! One last gasp at being a teenager before running headlong into adulthood . . . By the way, Brandon, those are some mad PVP skills! I never took you for a Gamer, but now I know better! I’m looking for a rematch!

Benji

He's definitely pretty enough! I'd peg him more as Lee, though, cuz he has more intelligence in his eyes. Comsie had this in mind: I had this guy: Because he looks related to this gal (Marie): and this guy 💖: But I think they should be whatever you think they should be, @Page Scrawler

Volume 1 of Brandon Smiling concludes with: Entry 59: https://gayauthors.org/story/mrm/brandonsmilingfromthebillychasechronicles/59 Entry 60: https://gayauthors.org/story/mrm/brandonsmilingfromthebillychasechronicles/60 HAPPY PRIDE EVERYBODY! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 💙💗🤍💗💙 🖤🤎 🏳️‍🌈

Monday I ended up chatting a bit with Chandler before going to bed last night. He was nice enough to stay up with me. I don’t think either of us got much sleep last night. I told him about Billy and Benji and stuff, but not about my hairbrush. His advice for me with Billy was to continue playing ‘Hard To Get’. I told him about Billy’s reaction to this and he simply said, “Then it’s working!” That, basically, confused the living fuck out of me and I told him so with frownie 😡 faces and everything! I told him I thought I was losing Billy, not gaining him, and that I think I’m getting Billy’s message to me pretty loud and clear - he’s losing interest in me fast! “Oh no he’s not! He’s frustrated and that is exactly what you want to see, Bran Bran! See, guys that don’t give a shit don’t go ‘cold-shouldered’ on you. They usually just don’t get that you like them and don’t notice you or what you are trying to do! The frustration is all on you for trying to get their attention and it just doesn’t happen! I’d say, look to some of the girls in your class and see how they look all weird when you’re around, except . . . you wouldn’t notice them because you just don’t care! That is how a truly straight guys regards gay guys, usually. I’mma leave closet cases like Karl out of it for a tick. Straight guys simply don’t react. Billy cares and he gave you that ‘cold-shoulder’ because that’s what he felt he was getting from you! Consciously or unconsciously, he was trying to turn the tables on you and meet you in your game! He moved his checkers piece to counter yours. He probably didn’t even realize that’s what he was doing! He’ll be back! He won’t be able to help himself! Hehehe!” Chandler said with perfect confidence. It’s always this confidence that convinces me of how right he should be about doing stuff that’s ‘Gay’. But, I have to admit that my faith is a little shaken in Chandler’s take on Billy! So, I brought up Benji: “What about this Benji thing? Should I go for that instead if Billy doesn’t come back?” I asked, trying to ‘turn the tables’ a bit on Chandler to see if I could frustrate HIM as much as he was frustrating me at the moment! “That’s a classic case of Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now! This happens so often in Gay dating and dating in general that it’s a trope on cable sitcoms. I told you that when you started accepting yourself that you were going to turn on the ‘Vacancy’ sign over your head! You have an invisible rainbow flag hanging over your head right now and you don’t even know it! You’re now open to the scene, Brandon, and I told you that you’d attract attention! That you have! This Benji sounds like he’s fucking hawt . . . but, is he who you really want to lose it to? Is he the one you want to be your first?” Chandler asked and that, kind of, stopped me cold like I’d just grabbed my bike brakes too hard! “I hadn’t given it much thought, really . . .” I responded. “It’s something to think about and it’s only a decision, I’m afraid, you can make yourself. You can sure lose it to this Benji or Stevie or, even, Jamie . . . since it is possible he might be up for it! But, I can tell you, there’s nothing like the first time you make it with someone you really love! If you can make it the first time with the one you love then you’ll have an experience few get to have! Few can wait for it, but, if you can hold out . . . it’s a uniquely wonderful experience that can only happen once in your life!” Chandler’s voice softened and I could tell he must be speaking from some kind of experience. “Was that like your first time, then?” I had to ask. I felt instantly regretful since I can only figure it’s a thing too meaningful and too intimate for someone just to tell anyone. But, Chandler said, “Not me, unfortunately. I went with Mr. Right Now and it was, erm . . . ok, I guess.” “Then how can you know how ‘wonderful’ a first time can be with someone you really love then?” I asked like a lawyer on Law and Order. “Danny is how I know. I gave him his first time . . . it was just beautiful!” Chandler almost whispered and I could hear a little creak in his voice like he wanted to cry. Fuck me, I can even make the God of Gay Men cry with my whackoness! But, then again . . . whoa! Danny’s first? “He waited a long time, Bran Bran. Longer than I ever thought any man could wait. When we made it, we cried for joy together! I know now, given half the chance, I’ll probably marry Daniel and I know he feels the very same way! THAT’s how great making it for the first time with the one you love can be, Baby Boy!” Chandler said with a seriousness I’d never heard in his voice before until he said: “True love waits . . .” With that we ended our chat and I watched dawn come up through my window instead of going back to bed. I did manage to drag my carcass to school this morning. I’m glad I did and I was, somewhat, glad I was a bit zombified, because it made my dead-pan reactions to Billy easier to do. Chandler had, pretty much, convinced me to keep up this ‘game’ a little while longer. When we met today, Billy looked just as flustered as Chandler said he would. He was fidgety and was having a hard time looking me in the eye. He was also a little flushed in the face! He looked like he had something to ask or say that he really didn’t want to or didn’t want to know the answer or something . . . I figured it had something to do with Bobby and me going to that horrible Scaur concert on Friday. Honestly, except for the effect it might have on Billy today, I had pretty much put the concert out of my mind. Meeting Benji had been a much bigger deal in my weekend than Bobby and his poor choice in ‘music’. “Hey Brandon. So how was this weekend with Bobby?” He blurted his question like he didn’t even want to ask it. I wanted to say it sucked with a capital SUCK, but I let my numbness do the lying for me, “It was alright. I had a good time.” It shrugged out of me perfectly vague and noncommittal. It said what I felt about the whole ordeal which was, basically, nothing! I swear I saw Billy’s left eye twitch with a spasm of frustration at my no-answer. “W-well, um . . . was, like, the music ok? Did you and Bobby dance or whatever?” He asked with just the higher pitched whine of a strain in his frustrated throat. God, I hated playing this game! “Naw, it was ok. Bobby sure had a good time. That was great.” That part was the truth. Bobby did have a good time . . . but somehow I think that was translating into something entirely different behind Billy’s warm, coca-cola stare. He looked away, breaking eye contact, looked at his watch, knowing full well the warning bell for next period had not even wrung yet, and then back at me with this weirdest look of suspicion in his eyes! I had to admit, it was fun watching about twenty different conflicting emotions play across Billy’s preciously cute face in that brief moment. Chandler was right . . . I’m driving him crazy, aren’t I? Maybe, I can wait! Maybe, what I’m seeing is the frustration of my cute little Goldfish as he wriggles at the end of my fishin’ line? He might very well be caught! He might be mine already! But, I still have to wonder and wait. I’ve even written a poem about this. It came to me as I was listening to a bit of music that didn’t have any sung lyrics. The song matched my longing so much! Billy still has me wondering . . . Does he Love me? Does he Love me Not? Does he Want me? Does he Want me Not? Does he Need me? Does he Need me Not? Would he Remember me Or Would he Remember me not? ~ Does he Love me Like I love Him? Does he Want me Like I want Him? Does he Need me Like I need Him? Would he Die for Me like I would Die for him? ~ He Loves Like I love? He Loves Not at all? To be Or not To be, Is all I ask? To love and be loved Is that too much to ask? This is Brandon . . . waiting.