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ThePhallocrat

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  1. ThePhallocrat
    I was as curious as you to know about Eddy’s lofty ambitions, but he made it clear he would say no more on the subject. He turned his attention instead to Itzal, ordering the assassin to remove my companion of the evening somewhere discreetly. Let him awaken in a ditch as though he’d gotten too drunk and I’d tossed him out. To be fair to my captor, it was a plausible enough story. It’s happened plenty of times. Grunting softly, Itzal tossed the naked man over their shoulder like he was a child a
  2. ThePhallocrat
    Silence in the dark cell. The prisoner had stopped speaking, looking at his interrogator with open curiosity and a little mirth. Praetor Portius had stopped writing, his quill frozen on the page, staring at the wall in thought. His face was blank. Nearby, Tobias held his lantern and looked back and forth between his master and the man in the chains, but said not a word. At length, Portius stood, setting his book and quill onto the stool and stretching his back. Then he walked to the cell d
  3. ThePhallocrat
    Don’t bother, daddy. I know exactly what you are about to ask. You want to know more about the individuals in question, this motley crew who saved me from a death sentence and folded me into their scheme. My accomplices in the high crimes and blasphemies that came next. That’s exactly the kind of thing you are looking for, isn’t it? The stuff your superiors *really* want to know. Who helped me do it, and why, and above all, no doubt: how they can be found. I’m happy to tell you all I know about
  4. ThePhallocrat
    What a fun project! A playful, relatable, and tongue-in-cheek adaptation that manages to fully honor the spirit of the original. Congrats and thank you!
  5. ThePhallocrat
    How am I laughing *and* choking up this often back and forth?? What a roller coaster. This blend of silly and sincere is absolutely pitch perfect and I'm eating it up. Also, thank you very much for this hahahaha:
  6. ThePhallocrat
    This was an absolute delight. I both laughed and had my heartstrings pulled, and I love the idea of a gay reinterpretation of this story so much that I'm almost mad I didn't think of it myself. Look forward to reading the rest!
  7. ThePhallocrat
    I'm hopeful we won't have such a long gap in the future, but I'm relieved you still enjoyed this installment. I don't intend to give up on this story, it's too much fun to write! Life happens, but I knew I'd come back this project eventually.
  8. ThePhallocrat
    Very well, let us return once again to that dank and moldy cell in Countess Luchmere’s dungeons; quite oppressive at the time, but thinking back on it now it seemed positively comfortable compared to my current lodgings. Even though, as you will recall, I was wearing considerably less then than I am now, from the waist down at least. Dungeons aren’t exactly the sort of place you’d want to go *barefoot* in, let alone with all your bits hanging out. And yet, it was still a more pleasant experience
  9. ThePhallocrat

    Confession IV

    ThePhallocrat commented on ThePhallocrat's story chapter in Confession IV

    Apologies! I had an unexpectedly crazy summer full of distractions, most of which weren't of the pleasant kind. Sorta drained my well of creativity, on top of trying to decide exactly what's next for our bard. I do hope to continue this story when energy and ideas return to me, but its definitely encouraging to hear somebody is interested in more.
  10. ThePhallocrat
    “I see,” Father Portius said, finishing a sentence in his notebook with a flourish of his quill, “It is as I suspected. You were groomed into this life of corruption, taken advantage of by a cad who preyed upon your youth.” For the first time since the inquisitor had entered the room, Froderick gathered himself and got onto his feet. The manacles at his hands and ankles made the maneuver difficult, not to mention the fact that the bard was obviously weak from malnutrition and lack of exerci
  11. ThePhallocrat
    No, I had no thoughts of arson. Not yet. But a fire of a kind had started, that much is certain, a fire in my loins and in my heart. I wanted Eurig Sunshine. Wanted to have him, wanted to be him. Wanted to suck every bit of knowledge and confidence out of him by any means necessary. I was absolutely salivating for it. But how to accomplish it? That was the question. I barely slept a wink that night, pondering the problem. What approach would best entice such an experienced and well-travele
  12. ThePhallocrat
    The bard suddenly stopped his tale there, leaving the three men in the cell stewing in a stunned silence. For several heartbeats, the quiet of the dark cell was broken only by the occasional sniffling from a teary-eyed Tobias in the corner. At last Father Portius withdrew a handkerchief from a robe pocket and thrust it at the young man with obvious annoyance. “In the name of the God, stop your sniveling,” Portius said, “It’s unseemly.” His assistant mumbled a barely audible apology a
  13. ThePhallocrat
    You are special, indeed, daddy. It’s truly rare for a man to surprise me. Almost nobody ever wonders where we bards come from, or ever seems to consider we were once ordinary people born to parents in the ordinary way. Having no home or allegiance, I guess we seem to stand outside of such things, and by and large people talk to me as if I had been a bard since the dawn of time like some fae creature from an inhuman realm. I am not a person, you see, not in the same way as their fellow villagers
  14. ThePhallocrat
    When Father Portius raised his hand suddenly, a finger pointing to the ceiling in a silencing gesture, he did not really expect the prisoner to obey. It had started to feel like nothing could stop the man’s glib tongue from wagging, like the imp would chatter them both to death. But to his surprise Froderick the bard fell silent at once, smirking with that infuriatingly appealing smug grin and looking at him with patient expectation. “A moment,” the praetor said, brow furrowed. He reread h
  15. ThePhallocrat
    Very well then, let’s start at the beginning shall we? My name, as you so graciously introduced me, daddy, is Frodrick Zacharias Theodorius Aloicius Cooperation von Brinsbane. What do you mean “is that my real name”? Of course it is! It may not have been the one I was born with, true, but it’s no less real a name because I chose it than the one that was given to me that I never asked for nor barely remember. Here’s the first thing to learn about my kind, then. We make our own story, craft
  16. ThePhallocrat
    A sudden, jarring noise of keys turning in a lock and old hinges creaking, and then the door to the cell opened for the first time in many days. Two figures entered, closing the door behind them. The sound of locking once again. The older, taller of the two carried a blazing lantern, which cast far more light than the dank, cold little dungeon and its inhabitant were used to. The smaller of the two carried a chair and a bag of supplies, from which he pulled quill, ink, a leather bound tome. The
  17. ThePhallocrat
    The Silver Tongued Scoundrel Containing the last confession of Froderick von Brinsbane - bard, rapscallion, trickster, deviant, infidel, traitor, and thief.
  18. ThePhallocrat
    They decided the coronation should take place immediately, in Kadnaris. In fact, Tytus spoke enthusiastically of moving the Empire's capital to the ancient city officially, and in a way Rannell Kent saw the sense of it. But none of that was up to him. That was the Emperor's job now, his right to make those kinds of decisions. Kent trusted that he'd make them wisely. He looked at his Emperor and smirked. The lad's coronation robes were the definition of gaudy, and the monstrosity of a crown
  19. ThePhallocrat
    Everything had stopped making sense, or maybe, in some strange way, everything had started making sense for the very first time. Rannell Kent was no longer questioning it either way. He no longer worried about anything other than the cold burning purpose that blazed in his very core, the purpose that he had taken upon himself so long ago at the command of a God and which now he would die for even without the God’s direction or commandment, a purpose that had become a religion unto itself that ne
  20. ThePhallocrat
    The lamps in the little room were unlit, and the moonlight through the window permitted only a small illumination, so Mouse was forced to wait in the doorway for his eyes to adjust to the dark. Behind him he heard the snoring of two guards, fast asleep at their post. They would be punished for their negligence, perhaps even with their lives, but Mouse found he held little remorse for them. It had been a simple thing to put the men to sleep. They had consented to hear one song from the Emperor’s
  21. ThePhallocrat
    Damek pulled the hood of his cloak down further to obscure his face as he shuffled impatiently in place. The line of refugees waiting to enter the city was not long, but moved slowly, and many were turned away. Facing a long siege, Kadnaris could not afford to take on more mouths to feed without good reason. Damek could not understand why any of the wretches in line wanted to enter the city anyway - it was like walking willingly into a death trap as far as he was concerned. But with the countrys
  22. ThePhallocrat
    It wasn’t the darkness that frightened him. After all, for Calder it was always dark and he’d begun to grow used to it. Nor was it the utter silence of the forest that greeted him when he suddenly awoke, for silence, he knew, was the same thing as darkness really. What frightened him was the smells, or rather the lack of one particular odor which had come to represent safety and companionship. The smell of salty sweat, the musky odor of leather, and the faint hint of smoke that accompanied Joren
  23. ThePhallocrat

    Part 4

    ThePhallocrat commented on ThePhallocrat's story chapter in Part 4

    In case its not clear, Tytus is an adult. He behaves like a child on occasion but he isn't literally one. Still though, the Emperor is def trying to have our man Rannell cancelled in a very direct way 😆
  24. ThePhallocrat
    Prince Tytus stood with his back towards his guardian, and so Rannell Kent could only imagine what emotions were playing across his young liege’s face. For his own part, Kent felt lost in a way he’d never experienced in his many years of certain service to the God. It was as if someone had told him to sever his own limb from his body, and the Guardian found this troublesome and surprising. This mission, this purpose, had clearly come to mean more to him than he could have guessed. He had e
  25. ThePhallocrat
    The doe turned back to look at him once again, looking for all the world as though she were making sure that he was still following. Mouse knew that the idea was insane, wondered if his days of wandering in the wilderness had unhinged his mind. And yet, he followed anyway, cautiously and with gentle steps, certain the delicate deer would bolt at any moment and fearing to get too close. His stomach clenched in pain. He had managed to find a stream to quench his raging thirst, but food had been ha
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