Eternal Christmas - 1. Eternal Christmas

“Hey babe,” Jared hollered as he walked through the front door of his and Kyle’s three bedroom home in Morgan.

“I’m in the office,” he heard Kyle holler back from down the hallway. Jared smiled as he tossed his coat over the back of the love seat in the living room before heading down the hallway to find Kyle going through a stack of papers on his desk.

“How’d your day go?” Jared asked as he walked in the room and perched on the edge of the oak desk.

“It was extremely long,” Kyle answered as he straightened his papers before moving them off to the side and pushing his chair back from the desk.

“What happened?”

“The electrician we have working on that new house over on Locust Street tried to skimp on the gauge of wire required,” Kyle answered.

“What does that mean for the job?” Jared asked. He knew that Kyle stressed over keeping his construction company, Blackner’s Construction, running smoothly and that any set back made him jumpy.

“I kicked the guy off the site, but now I have to find a new electrician. Not only will I have to pay the new guy to wire the house, but I’ll also have to pay him to rip out what the other guy had already done,” Kyle answered as he stood up and paced over to the large window that looked out over the snow covered mountain side.

“How far behind is that going to put you?” Jared asked. Kyle had told him before how any delay really cut into his profits and Jared wanted him in a good mood for what he had to talk to him about.

“Should only be a few days. The guy I just fired had only gotten one room wired before I found out about it. Lucky for me, Matt was on top of his game,” Kyle answered. Kyle smiled as he thought about his best friend and foreman. If it hadn’t been for Matt, Kyle probably would be sitting in a prison cell, accused of the attempted murder of Jared four years ago.

“How are he and Carrie doing?”

“They’re doing really good from everything Matt says. Though I don’t know what I’m going to do when Carrie has the baby in a couple months. I’ve already promised Matt some time off to spend with Carrie and the baby.”

Jared had to bite back his grin when Kyle started talking about the baby that Carrie was pregnant with. He had been trying to figure out a way to bring up the subject of kids again and Kyle had just opened up a giant opportunity. Sliding off the edge of the desk, Jared walked over to where Kyle stood looking out the window and wrapped an arm around his waist.

“I kind of envy them,” Jared said wistfully.

“What do you mean?” Kyle asked as he turned his attention to his husband.

“Just that I wouldn’t mind having a kid or two running around the house,” Jared answered.

“Well, neither of us is likely to get pregnant anytime soon, though not from lack of trying,” Kyle answered with a leer before he face became passive. “C’mon Jared, we’ve talked about this. With the hours I put in at the construction sites and the time you put in at the gym, we’re gone too much to have a kid,” Kyle said as he walked back over to the desk. He had known that this conversation would be coming up soon. Every few months Jared would bring up the subject and Kyle would find reasons why they couldn’t do it.

“We could figure it out,” Jared answered as he walked over and stood in front of Kyle. “Just tell me, why are you so against us having kids? You’ve been almost as excited as Matt about his and Carrie’s baby, but yet you don’t want us to have kids of our own?” Jared knew that he was pushing, but he was confused. “Kyle, you would be a great dad, so what is holding you back?” Jared asked as he forced Kyle to look at him. “Or is it that you think I wouldn’t be a good dad? I mean, I know that I haven’t had the greatest role model and all, but…” Jared would have continued but Kyle stopped him.

“No babe, it’s not you at all,” Kyle answered before moving around Jared to sit in his desk chair. He pushed the papers he had been looking at earlier to the side and pulled Jared over to sit on the desk facing him. “I think you would be a great dad, honestly, I do,” Kyle reassured Jared at his doubtful look. “It has nothing to do with that. You know as well as I do that most people don’t even accept us being together, which we just deal with. If we try to adopt, it’s going to open our lives up to even more speculation. It’s not just that either, we live in Utah, and there is no way they’re going to let us adopt here. We wouldn’t even be allowed to petition to adopt because we are two gay men living together.” Unbeknownst to Jared, Kyle had started checking into the state laws requiring gays or lesbians to adopt, and everything he had found had told him that there was just no way it was going to happen. He was disappointed, but knew that until things changed greatly, there was no reason to get his hopes up.

“I know that we wouldn’t be able to adopt here,” Jared answered. “I’ve been checking into it a bit, and you’re right, the laws here won’t allow us to adopt, but there is nothing saying that we have to adopt in Utah,” Jared answered. He knew it wouldn’t be easy to convince Kyle that they could adopt, but had to at least try.

“Even if we adopted somewhere else, it wouldn’t be considered legal here,” Kyle answered.

“Actually, that’s not altogether true,” Jared answered.

“What do you mean?” Kyle asked.

Jared was glad to see him showing real interested and climbed off the desk and walked over to the bookcase. After a quick glance through books, he pulled one out at took out the papers he had put there for safekeeping. Walking back over to climb up back onto the desk, Jared handed the papers to Kyle.

“What are these?” Kyle asked as he took the papers and started glancing through them.

“Well, some of them are about the states that would accept a joint petition for adoption from us. The main one I want you to look at is the one where the Supreme Court ruled that a state must recognize out of state adoptions even if it would be considered illegal in the state where the adoptive parents reside.”

“Are you serious?” Kyle asked as he quickly searched through the small stack of papers for the one that Jared has mentioned. When he finally found it, he did a quick glance through. “Are you sure this is right?” Kyle asked, shock filling his eyes. He had been so sure that he would never have kids.

“Yeah babe, I’m sure, I’ve checked it out,” Jared answered.

“But, Utah’s law,” Kyle answered.

“Actually, Utah’s law prohibits adoptions to people living together without being married, whether they are gay or straight. They actually would allow a gay person, who lived alone, to adopt. At least that’s what some of the sites I’ve read say.”

“So, what you’re saying,” Kyle answered as he set the papers next to Jared on the desk, “is that if we were to adopt somewhere else, that the state of Utah can’t really do anything?”

“Well, yes and no, the adoption would be legal, but that wouldn’t stop child protection services from trying to take them away if they decided we weren’t fit parents.”

“So why go through it?” Kyle asked. “What would happen if we adopted only to lose them because of some bigot who didn’t feel we were providing a proper home?” Kyle asked.

“Honestly, I don’t think we’d have much of a problem. We’ve lived here for years and we both have a lot of friends. This is a small community and most people know us and know that we’re together. We’ve never really had many problems with people accepting us once they got to know us, and it would take someone calling child protective services to even get them involved,” Jared answered. He was glad that they were finally really talking about the possibility of adopting. Just the fact that Kyle was asking questions and not instantly shooting down the possibility was enough to raise Jared’s hopes.

“You really want to do this, don’t you?” Kyle asked as he stood back up and stepped to stand between Jared knees and look down at him.

“Yeah, I do,” Jared answered, “But, it’s not just about me Kyle, this is something that we both need to want to do. I think we’d be good parents and there are so many kids out there that need homes and parents to love them. I think we can do it,” Jared answered as he smiled up at his husband. “It would be kind of expensive to start with,” Jared told Kyle cautiously.

“Babe, we both make enough that we could easily support a couple of kids. Your gym business is doing good, and so is the construction company, so money really isn’t an issue,” Kyle answered, misunderstanding what Jared was saying.

“I know that, but the adoption costs can be pretty pricey,” Jared answered.

“How much are we talking about?” Kyle asked cautiously. He was full expecting Jared to tell him a couple thousand but was surprised when Jared told him.

“Adoptions can cost up to about thirty thousand,” Jared answered cautiously. He was glad to see that Kyle was apparently considering adoption and was hoping that the cost wouldn’t turn him off to the idea.

“That’s a lot of money,” Kyle answered, but looking at Jared’s hopeful face made him soften even more. “I guess when you really think about it though, it would be worth it if it gave a kid a chance at a new life,” Kyle finished. “Can I think about it?” Kyle asked. He knew that Jared really wanted to adopt and if he was honest with himself, Kyle would like to as well, but he had never really given himself the chance to think about what all it would mean.

“Of course,” Jared answered. “I wouldn’t expect you to make a decision about this without thinking about it. It’s something that we both have to want Kyle, not just me. I don’t want to do this if the only reason you want to is to make me happy. You have to really want it too. Give it some thought and we’ll talk about it later,” Jared answered, trying to sound upbeat, but Kyle could hear the slight resignation in Jared voice. “I’m going to go start something for dinner,” Jared told him before pushing him back slightly and sliding off the desk. After giving Kyle a brief kiss, Jared made his way back out of the room.

“God I’m an idiot,” Kyle muttered to the now empty room as he walked back over to the window and looked out. He should have told Jared how he felt about adopting. He knew that no matter how long he thought about it, he would come up with the same answer. He wanted to adopt, he had just never thought that it was going to be possible. At least, not as long as they lived in Utah and now that there was a chance, he was afraid to get his hopes up. Of course, he didn’t think Jared would believe him if he went out there and told him that he wanted to adopt. Not with the way that he had always come up with reasons why they couldn’t. Deciding he had to do something to show Jared that he was serious, Kyle walked back over to his desk and booted up his computer. Within minutes he was searching the web for different sites about gay adoption. He was still reading through what he found and printing things out an hour later when Jared showed up at the office door.

“Dinner is ready,” Jared said quietly before turning and heading back towards the kitchen.

Saving the site he was on, Kyle shut the computer down and headed towards the dining room. When he got there he found a plate of enchiladas with rice and beans already sitting at one end of the table while Jared sat at the other end. The fact that Jared was on the other end of the table told Kyle exactly how Jared was feeling. Usually they sat side by side at dinner time so that they could share little touches.

“Jared, look at me,” Kyle said softly as he sat down. When Jared’s eyes met his own, Kyle hated the uncertainty he saw in them. “I’m sorry, it’s just a really big step and I want to really think it over.”

“I know that,” Jared answered back. “I know it’s stupid of me to just expect you to give me an answer right away. I stand by what I said, if you don’t want to adopt then we won’t.”

“Listen,” Kyle said, an idea forming in his head, “I know this is a big decision and it’s not one that I’m taking lightly. I’ll think it through, but in the meantime, I’ve been thinking that it might be a good thing to get out of town for a bit. Maybe just take a mini vacation.”

Jared couldn’t help the sigh that escaped, he was half afraid that Kyle hadn’t taken what he said serious and was just blowing him off. Not wanting to cause any issues, he simply decided to agree.

“That sounds okay, I guess,” Jared answered, though his heart wasn’t really in it. “Where did you want to go and when?”

“I was thinking next week. Matt can keep an eye on things at work and David can keep an eye on the gym,” Kyle said, naming Jared’s second in command at the gym. “I was thinking we could maybe fly out to California for a few days.

“Yeah, sure,” Jared answered. “I’ll talk to David about it tomorrow, but I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

“I’ll go ahead and book the tickets then,” Kyle answered, hating the way their conversation seemed stilted. “I figure we can fly out on Sunday and then fly back on Thursday. Does that work for you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Jared answered as he cut up the enchiladas on his plate before slowly starting to eat. Kyle watched as Jared would push each piece around on his plate for a minute before finally bringing it to his mouth.

‘It will all work out,’ Kyle told himself as they continued to eat in silence. They had been married for a little over four years and though they’d had a few fights, they always worked them out. He was confident that this issue would be no different. Finally unable to stand the silence any longer, Kyle finished cleaning his plate and downed the last of the Dr. Pepper that Jared had sat at his place. Picking up his plate and glass and walked over to the sink where he quickly rinsed the dishes before loading them into the dishwasher.

“Dinner was great babe, thanks,” Kyle said as he walked over and gave Jared a lingering kiss before heading back to the office. After booting up the computer again he went back to search for information. After a couple more hours he glanced at the clock and saw it was already after eleven. Shutting down the computer for the night, he rose from the chair and made his way to the bedroom. Seeing that Jared was already there and asleep, Kyle stripped off is clothes before slinking to the bathroom, being careful not to wake Jared. He made quick work of relieving himself before brushing his teeth and going back to the bedroom to climb in next to Jared.

“I love you,” Kyle whispered before brushing a light kiss over Jared’s lips and wrapping his arms around him.

***

The Following Sunday, San Diego, CA

“This suite is gorgeous,” Jared exclaimed as he walked around the beachfront room. He loved how the bedroom was separated from the living area and the bathroom featured a large Jacuzzi tub that could easily fit three people comfortably. Walking out on the balcony, Jared looked out at the ocean and listened as small waves lapped at the shore.

“I’m glad you like it,” Kyle answered as he walked up behind Jared and wrapped his arms around him. Pressing a kiss to his husband’s neck, Kyle told him, “I figured it’s been a while since we went on any kind of vacation and decided to do it up right.”

“It must have cost a fortune,” Jared answered and he lay his arms overtop Kyle’s.

“It wasn’t cheap, but we deserve it,” Kyle answered as he thought about how the room alone was costing a little over three hundred a night. ‘To hell with it,’ he told himself. ‘You’ve both worked your asses off to make your businesses successful, have a little fun.’

“So what are our plans while we’re here?” Jared asked. He had been careful not to bring up the subject of adoption again, deciding to wait until Kyle brought it up.

“We have an appointment tomorrow, but other than that, nothing really,” Kyle answered.

“What kind of an appointment?” Jared asked as he turned in Kyle’s arms so that he could look him in the eyes.

“Nothing bad,” Kyle assured him. “Why don’t you come inside, we need to talk,” Kyle finished.

“That sounds ominous,” Jared answered, trying to read Kyle’s eyes to find out what was going on. He hated that Kyle’s eyes didn’t give anything away.

“It’s nothing bad, I promise,” Kyle answered as he turned and led Jared back into their room. He walked him over to the couch and made him sit before walking into the bedroom only to come out with a stack of papers in his hand. “I know we’re on vacation, but I’ve given a lot of thought to what we talked about last week,” Kyle said as he sat down next to Jared.

“About?” Jared asked, his mouth going dry. The only thing they had really talked about the previous week was about the possibility of adopting and Kyle hadn’t said anything about it since.

“I was curious about a couple of things. One of which is how many kids you would want to adopt,” Kyle started cautiously.

“Well,” Jared answered, hardly believing what Kyle was asking him, “I guess I figured that since we have a three bedroom place, we wouldn’t be able to adopt more than two.”

“Makes sense,” Kyle answered before moving on to his next question. “Did you want to adopt a baby or an older kid?” Kyle tried to keep his face neutral but found it was extremely hard when he saw the hope blazing in Jared’s eyes.

“As much as I’d like a baby in the house, everyone tries to get a baby. There are so many older kids out there who need a home just as much. Where are you going with this Kyle?”

“Jared, what I should have told you last week is that yes, I do want to adopt. I would have told you later that night, but I didn’t want you to think that I was doing it just to make you happy. I know you were worried about that,” Kyle told him. “I knew I’d have to do something to prove to you that I really would like us to have kids. Our appointment tomorrow is with an attorney that specializes in adoptions with gay couples. I’ve been talking to him since the day after you talked to me,” Kyle admitted.

“Are you serious?” Jared asked. He had spent the last week afraid that Kyle would come back and say that he had decided he didn’t want to adopt. Jared hadn’t expected that Kyle would already be in the process of finding ways to adopt.

“Yes, I’m serious,” Kyle answered before reaching out and taking Jared’s hand in his. He was staring at their joined hands when he continued, “I know I hurt you Jared, by not being able to give you an answer when you asked me about all of this.”

“I know it is a big decision,” Jared answered quietly, his voice urging Kyle to look at him. When Kyle’s eyes finally met his, Jared continued, “I understood that you needed time to think about it, and I know I shouldn’t have gotten upset when you didn’t really seem excited about the idea.”

“It wasn’t that I wasn’t excited about the idea,” Kyle clarified. “It was more the fact that I had a hard time believing that it would really be possible. I mean, if you think about it, there are very few places that we would even be able to be legally married, so I always figured it would be less likely that we’d be allowed to adopt. Now I know that we have the chance, and I want to take it,” Kyle finished before turning his attention to the papers in his hands. “Damn, I forgot a pen,” he remarked before getting up and going over to the desk that was in the room. He knew that hotels always kept a couple pens in the rooms as well as hotel stationary. Walking back over to where Jared was sitting he handed him a pen and continued, “I’ve already filled out the application that the attorney sent me, all you have to do is sign,” Kyle finished as he pushed a small stack of papers towards him.

“I would have helped you fill these out,” Jared answered as he looked through the lengthy application. He still couldn’t believe that Kyle had gone ahead and started the process.

“I know you would have, and trust me, there is still plenty more to fill out. The one thing that I definitely couldn’t fill out was your questionnaire, even though I’m pretty sure I know the answers. “The attorney marked all the spots that need your signature,” Kyle told him as he sat nervously waiting to see what Jared would do. He was hoping that Jared wouldn’t be upset with him for getting the ball rolling.

“I just can’t believe you did this,” Jared answered as he started flipping through the papers and signing his name everywhere that was marked. He smiled as he saw that Kyle had already signed. “So who is this attorney that we’re going to see?” Jared asked as he finished signing.

“He’s an attorney who specialized in gay adoptions. I’ve called and talked with a few different attorneys and I honestly think he’s our best bet if we want to adopt,” Kyle answered before taking the papers from Jared and setting them on the coffee table. Sliding back into the corner of the couch, Kyle reached out and pulled Jared back against him. He smiled at the feeling of rightness that settled over him as he wrapped his arms around Jared. “You’re going to make a great dad,” Kyle whispered next to Jared’s ear as tightened his arms even more.

“So are you,” Jared whispered back.

“I guess we’re going to find out,” Kyle answered. “What do you say we go down to the beach for a while?”

“I’ve got an even better idea,” Jared answered back before twisting in Kyle’s arms and pressing up against his husband.

“I like the way you think,” Kyle answered before pulling Jared’s head to his and pressing a tender kiss to his lips. Kyle was happy to see Jared go back to his usual happy self. He smiled to himself when Jared pulled back and stood up, only to reach out and pull Kyle up off the couch and lead him into the bedroom. “Oh yeah, I like the way you think,” Kyle muttered again as Jared pushed him back onto the bed before reaching to undo the button on his jeans. Kyle quickly pulled off his t-shirt while Jared pulled his jeans and boxers off. “I think you have a few too many clothes on,” Kyle told Jared as his jeans and underwear were tossed on the floor.

“What are you going to do about it?” Jared asked as he climbed on the bed and straddled Kyle’s hips. Leaning down, Jared pressed his lips against Kyle’s. Using one hand to support him, Jared reached between them and tweaked Kyle’s nipple.

“Fuck Jared,” Kyle groaned against Jared’s lips as his body bucked underneath Jared. Pulling back, he continued, “You know what that does to me.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jared answered with a grin. “There’s a line that’s apparently connected straight from your nipples to your cock,” smiling, Jared tweaked the other nipple.

“You are so going to pay,” Kyle answered as shivers of pleasure wracked his body. Wrapping his arms around Jared, Kyle unexpectedly rolled, flipping so that Jared was underneath him. “As I said, you’ve got too many clothes on.” Reaching down, Kyle grabbed hold of the hem of Jared’s shirt before allowing the other man to lift up just enough to pull the shirt off. Leaning down, Kyle flicked his tongue over Jared’s taught nipple before reaching down and quickly opening the button on Jared’s Levi’s. Slipping off the bed, Kyle helped Jared shimmy out of his pants and underwear before stretching back out on top of him. Using his forearms to brace himself, Kyle leaned down and pressed his lips against Jared’s, his tongue teasing Jared’s lips apart. The feeling of Jared returning the kiss caused Kyle to rock his hips, thrusting his erection against Jared’s.

“I want you in me,” Jared groaned against Kyle’s lips.

“All in good time,” Kyle groaned back before slipping his tongue into the warm cavern of Jared’s mouth. Kyle loved the warm tingly feeling that spread through his entire body at the feel of Jared’s lips on his. He could barely believe that he had almost lost him. Kyle didn’t know what suddenly brought the thought of losing Jared on, but just the mere thought of losing the man he loved was enough to turn his kiss desperate and just shy of punishing.

Pulling back, Jared reached up and pushed the hair back from Kyle’s face. “Hey, you okay?” He asked quietly as he searched Kyle’s eyes.

Kyle chest heaved as he tried to get his breath under control and tried to reign in his emotions before answering. “Yeah, I’m good,” Kyle answered, wanting nothing more than to bury himself in Jared’s welcoming body.

“You sure?” Jared asked, concern etched into his voice.

“Yeah,” Kyle answered before climbing off the bed and digging through his bag for the lube. As soon as he had the bottle of KY in his hand he climbed back on the bed and ran his hand lightly over Jared’s body. He smiled as he watched Jared shiver from his touch. Popping open the lid on the lube, Kyle coated his index finger generously before reaching down and slowly sliding it into Jared’s opening. Usually they didn’t have to do much preparation, but he wanted to make sure that Jared felt no pain when Kyle slid inside him. Kyle slid his finger slowly in and out, making sure to brush lightly against Jared’s prostate. He watched as Jared began to writhe on the bed as Kyle added more lube and then a second finger followed by a third, twisting his fingers to open Jared up.

“I’m ready babe,” Jared whispered throatily.

Smiling softly, Kyle pulled his fingers out before maneuvering between Jared’s thighs. Leaning over, Kyle used one hand to brace himself as he used the other to spread a large dollop of lube over his hard cock. Kyle carefully guided his pole to Jared’s opening while watching Jared’s eyes as he began to slide in.

“I love you,” Jared whispered, his eyes shining with love as he looked at Kyle.

“I love you too,” Kyle whispered as he full seated himself inside of his husband.

“Make love to me,” Jared answered quietly.

“Always,” Kyle answered just as softly as he began to thrust rhythmically inside of Jared. As far as Kyle was concerned, nothing was better than being inside of his mate or having Jared inside of him. All thought left Kyle as he lost himself in the feelings of making love to Jared.

A couple hours later, Kyle and Jared finally made it down to the beach.

***

“I didn’t think I’d be so nervous,” Jared said into the silence as Kyle guided the car to a stop in front of the attorney’s office.

“You’re not the only one,” Kyle answered as he felt the nervous fluttering in his stomach. “You did grab all of the papers, right?” Kyle asked for the tenth time since they had left the resort.

“Yes babe, I’ve got the folder with all the papers in it,” Jared answered patiently. He wasn’t sure who was more nervous, him or Kyle. Kyle had been antsy from the time they woke up this morning and had insisted they leave well before their appointment, which was still another half hour away.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle told him, “I didn’t think I’d be so nervous.”

“It’s okay babe, nothing to be sorry about. We both have every right to be nervous. Depending on how this appointment goes, it could very well change our life.”

“I know. It’s just that now I’ve let myself believe that this could really happen and I’m scared that something is going to happen to stop it,” Kyle answered as he put the car in park. Kyle had been nervous from the time they woke up wrapped around each other and had rushed both of them through their morning routines. All he wanted was for this appointment to go well.

“We may as well head in,” Jared told him, but neither one made any attempt to get out of the car. They both sat there lost in the thoughts of what the meeting could mean for their lives and after a couple of minutes, Jared finally undid his seatbelt and opened his door. “The longer I sit here, the more nervous I get,” Jared said as he climbed out of the car.

Kyle followed Jared’s lead and they finally headed into the two story brick building. They made their way down a large hallway, passing doors until they came to the one with the name Justin Samuels, Attorney at Law, stenciled onto the glass.

‘Well, this is it,’ Kyle told himself as he turned the knob and opened the door. Walking into the room, he was surprised at the smallness of the reception area. There was a total of four semi-comfortable chairs against one wall, all set facing a desk that only sat about seven feet away. Kyle forced himself to smile at the receptionist as Jared followed him inside and shut the door behind him.

“I’m Kyle Blackner,” Kyle said to the receptionist. “I have an appointment with Mr. Samuels at ten.”

“Of course Mr. Blackner,” the petite brunette answered. “I’ll just let Mr. Samuels know that you are here.’

“Thank you,” Kyle managed to croak out before taking a seat next to Jared. A couple of minutes later a man who looked to be in his late thirties, early forties, came out and greeted them.

“Good morning Mr. Blackner, Mr. Maloney,” the man said as he walked over. Kyle scrambled to his feet as the man held out his hand. “I’m Justin Samuels.”

“Mr. Samuels,” Kyle said as he reached out and shook hands with the man. “I’m Kyle and this is Jared,” Kyle told the man as he gestured towards where Jared had climbed to his feet next to him.

“If you guys will come back to my office,” Justin told them after shaking Jared’s hand. “Ms. Jenkins, please make sure we are not disturbed,” the lawyer said to his receptionist before leading the way down a short hallway and into his office. Kyle glanced around as they stepped into the room. The room had bookshelves spaced evenly around the room, all of them filled with books. Two overstuffed leather chairs sat opposite a third one sitting behind a large mahogany desk with a laptop sitting on it. A couple of large filing cabinets took up the majority of the room behind the desk.

Trying to quell his nervousness, Kyle quickly took a seat in one of the chairs and smiled as Jared sat in the other one before reaching out and grasping Kyle’s hand in his own.

“First things first,” the lawyer said as he took his seat behind the desk. “Throughout the adoption process we will be working fairly close together and I prefer to dispense with the formalities. I like being on a first name basis with my clients, are you both comfortable with that?”

“Um yeah, sure,” Kyle answered as he started drumming the fingers on his free hand on his leg.

“Sounds good to me,” Jared answered as he ran his thumb over Kyle’s hand in a soothing gesture.

“You seem a little nervous, Kyle,” Justin said, turning his attention to Kyle.

“Huh…?” Kyle stammered. “Oh yeah, I guess, maybe just a little.”

“I think we’re both a little nervous,” Jared told Justin as he gave Kyle’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Completely understandable, but I assure you, there’s really nothing to be nervous about,” Justin told them. “Did you guys get all the paperwork filled out?”

“Yes, we did,” Jared answered before laying the folder he was holding onto the desk and pushing it towards the attorney.

“Good, this makes it so much easier to get started,” Justin answered as he opened the folder and started pulling out documents. He spent a few minutes going over the papers before turning his attention back to Kyle and Jared. “It looks like you’ve got everything in order, and I see that you provided a couple of notarized reference letters like I requested. I also see your financial statements and it looks like both your businesses are doing well, so that is a definite plus in your favor.”

Kyle watched as the attorney pulled a legal sized yellow pad out from his desk and picked up a pen. He could tell that the questioning session was about to begin.

“So let’s get a few questions out of the way,” Justin said, confirming Kyle’s suspicion. “I am assuming that this is your first time adopting?”

“Yes it is,” Kyle answered, his voice coming out barely more than a whisper.

“Describe your home for me if you would,” Justin answered after writing something down on the pad of paper.

“Well,” Jared began. “We live in a three bedroom log house on the mountain side. We have a large area completely fenced in, though we haven’t had a need for it as of yet.”

“What else?” Justin asked.

“Well, we have a completely finished basement, and a large enclosed porch off the back of the house.”

“Do you have any animals?”

“Not at the moment, though we do eventually plan to get a few horses and a couple of dogs,” Kyle answered. “Maybe a few rabbits and chickens, we’re not sure on that part yet.”

“Good, good,” Justin answered before scribbling some more on the pad. “Now, I already know from talking to you Kyle, why you want to adopt, and what your hopes are. Jared, why do you want to adopt?”

“”I’ve always wanted kids,” Jared answered. “I feel like Kyle and I have enough love to share with a child or two in need of a new start. We’ve talked about adopting a few times, but with the laws in Utah, we had almost decided it wouldn’t be possible.”

“Good, so how many children are you looking to eventually adopt?” Justin asked, looking from one to the other.

“We’ve talked about that too, and we’ve both agreed that we would like at least two. To adopt more we’d have to add on to the house,” Kyle answered.

“I see,” Justin said thoughtfully as he made another notation. “Have either of you ever been charged with a crime?”

Kyle sighed, this was the part he was dreading. Despite the fact that the charges had been dropped, he and Jared had talked about the need to be honest regarding when Jared had been attacked. Jared caught the quick flash of fear in Kyle’s eyes and gave a reassuring squeeze of Kyle’s hand before nodding for him to answer the question.

“I have,” Kyle began, “but the charges were dropped.”

“What were you charged with?” Justin asked.

“Attempted murder,” Kyle answered quietly, unable to say more.

“The charges were dropped because the actual culprit was caught,” Jared continued for him. “There were a series of attacks on me, and the police went straight for Kyle. His friend Matt confessed to get him out of jail, and eventually was released. When Kyle went to pick Matt up from the jail, Kyle’s sister came to our apartment and attacked me again. What neither of us knew was that Matt had actually hired a couple of bodyguards. By the time Matt and Kyle got to the apartment the bodyguards had been forced to shoot Kyle’s sister.”

“I see,” Justin answered before turning his attention to Kyle. “I imagine that had to have been hard for you, how have you dealt with it?”

“I went to counseling for a few months after my sister’s death. It helped a lot.”

“It’s good that you went for help,” Justin answered.

Kyle and Justin spent the next hour answering every question that the attorney could throw at them. Everything from what they planned for childcare when they both had to work, up to questions regarding whether they had any sexual interest in children, to which Kyle vehemently answered that anyone who touch a child in that way should be shot. By the time they were done, both Kyle and Jared felt like they had been through an emotional wringer.

“I think that’s enough for today,” Justin told them. “I’ll get started on the approval process right away; you both already signed the consent form for background checks. From everything you’ve told me, they should be just a formality.”

“When will we know anything?” Jared asked.

“I do a fairly intense background check, which could take anywhere from a week to two weeks. The actual approval will wait until we go before a judge to approve the adoption of a child. Luckily, with private adoption, we don’t generally get social services involved unless we have concerns. Then it’s just a matter of finding the right child. I think a child would thrive in your care,” Justin answered as he pushed the pad of paper aside. “I would like to know, would you be open to adopting more than one child, such as siblings?”

“I guess we haven’t really thought about that,” Kyle answered.

“The only reason I ask, is that occasionally I’ll have a parent come to me, that for whatever reason can no longer care for their children. The best thing for the children would be to adopt them out together, rather than separate them. If something like that were to come up, would you be interesting in adopting them?” Justin asked.

“I can see why a parent wouldn’t want to separate the children, and I suppose in that situation we would definitely consider it,” Kyle answered as Jared nodded in agreement.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Justin answered suspiciously as he watched Jared and Kyle share a confused look.

“I think that will do for today, if you’ll just make sure to leave your contact information with the receptionist. You are planning on being in San Diego for a few days, correct?”

“Yes, we fly out Thursday afternoon,” Kyle answered.

“Good, if I have any questions I’ll give you a call,” Justin answered as he stood up. Kyle and Jared climbed to their feet and shook hands with the attorney. “See Ms. Jenkins on your way out with your contact information and to pay the retainer we discussed over the phone,” Justin told Kyle.

“I will, and thank you,” Kyle told Justin as he led Jared out of the office. At the receptionist desk, Kyle gave her their information and a check for the retainer fee before they headed out of the office.

“Damn, that was grueling,” Jared told Kyle once they were seated in the car and headed back towards the resort.

“Yeah, no shit,” Kyle answered as he concentrated on maneuvering in the heavy traffic.

“I can’t believe you told him you’d shoot someone,” Jared told him with a reproving look.

“Well, if someone touched our kid, wouldn’t you?” Kyle asked point blank.

“Yeah, I would, but to tell an attorney that? Especially one that we are trying to get to help us adopt, are you sure that was a good move?”

“Actually, I am sure. Justin seemed to share the sentiment, even though he didn’t say anything,” Kyle answered confidently.

“How do you know that?”

“When I said it, he just sort of nodded in agreement. You didn’t see it because you were too busy picking your jaw up off the floor,” Kyle added with a chuckle.

“I just couldn’t believe you said it, even if it’s what we were both thinking,” Jared answered. He thought the meeting had gone fairly well, and knew that now it was all wait and see. They didn’t have to wait very long.

***

Tuesday Afternoon

“That was a great day,” Jared said as they let themselves into their room at the resort. They had spent a couple hours out on the ocean in a sail boat excursion, the most exciting part of which was the race between their boat and another one. The two boats had left the docking area at the same time and raced towards the end of the bay.

“Yeah it was, but I enjoyed touring the aircraft carrier even more,” Kyle answered as he pulled his shirt off and tossed it onto a chair.

“Yeah, that was kind of neat,” Jared answered. “Can you imagine spending months at a time out to see? It was a huge ship, but talk about tight areas. I don’t think I could do it.”

“I don’t think I could either,” Kyle admitted as he turned and pulled Jared into his arms to give him a light kiss. When he pulled back he glanced at the phone on the desk and was surprised to see the light blinking. “I wonder who called?” Kyle said as he walked towards the phone and called the front desk. Jared could do nothing but watch as a surprised look passed over Kyle’s face.

“What is it?” Jared asked as he walked towards Kyle, who still held the phone in his hand.

“Ms. Jenkins from the attorney’s office called, I’m supposed to call her back,” Kyle said with a glance at the clock.

“Justin probably just thought of something he didn’t ask us,” Jared answered. “It’s only three so they should still be there.”

“Yeah,” Kyle answered as he set the phone down and pulled out his wallet. Kyle knew that it was too early for them to know anything, but he was still nervous as he pulled the card out of his wallet and then picked up the phone and dialed. Within seconds it was answered. Jared was frustrated that he could only hear Kyle’s side of the conversation.

“Hello Ms. Jenkins, this is Kyle Blackner, I’m returning your call.”

“Yes, I suppose we could do that.”

Jared watched Kyle as he listened, but trying to learn anything from Kyle’s expression was like pulling teach, impossible.

“We’ll be there,” Kyle answered before hanging up the phone and turning to Jared.

“What was that all about?” Jared answered as he led Kyle over to sit on the couch.

“Justin wants to see us both tonight, he has appointments the rest of the day but wanted to know if we could meet him for dinner to discuss our adoption application,” Kyle answered with a worried look. “What if he looked through everything and decided that we weren’t good candidates for adoption?”

“I’m sure that’s not what it is,” Jared answered, trying not to look as worried as he felt. He couldn’t think of anything that would make the attorney decide they wouldn’t be good candidates, other than the fact that they were a gay couple, but he knew that couldn’t be it if the attorney specialized in gay adoption. “What time are we meeting him and where?” Jared asked.

“We’re supposed to meet him at six in the resort restaurant,” Kyle answered. “We’ll both have to shower, and shave, change into slacks and dress shirts. I wonder if I need to call down and make some type of reservations. No, probably not, I’m sure they’ve already taken care of anything like that.” Kyle hadn’t realized he was rambling on until he felt Jared’s hand on his arm.

“Kyle, calm down,” Jared told him. “I’m sure it’s nothing bad, all we can do is see what happens tonight and try not to worry about it until then.” Jared was just as apprehensive about the dinner meeting as Kyle was, but he knew that at least one of them had to stay calm. “We have three hours until we have to meet him, why don’t we throw on our swim trunks and go lounge around on the beach for a while?”

“I suppose,” Kyle answered as Jared walked into the bathroom and grabbed their swim trunks before tossing Kyle his.

“Get changed,” Jared ordered as he began stripping out of his clothes.

Within minutes, both men had changed and Kyle had managed to force his mind away from the upcoming meeting with the adoption attorney. They spent an enjoyable hour and a half on the beach before heading back up to their room to get showered and changed for dinner. At five minutes to six they were outside of the restaurant and were relieved to see that Justin was already waiting.

“Kyle, Jared,” Justin said as he stood up and shook hands with both men.

“Evening Justin,” Jared answered.

Hopefully Justin didn’t expect Kyle to be too vocal, because he had once again begun to think the worst of this meeting and he had no clue what to say to the attorney. He simply shook the man’s hand before following him and the hostess to their table.

“I know you are both probably wondering why I asked you to meet me,” Justin said once they were all seated. “Why don’t we order a drink and our dinner and then we can discuss the reason I asked you here.”

“Sounds good to me,” Jared answered as the waiter walked over. He smiled when Justin ordered a Jack and Coke and quickly ordered both he and Kyle a couple of Bud Lights. He wasn’t worried about the adoption attorney thinking bad of them since not only had he ordered alcohol, but they had gone over their drinking habits during the round of questioning the day before. While the waiter went to retrieve their drinks, the three men perused the menu and decided on Sirloin Steaks, just with different potatoes. Once the waiter set their drinks in front of them and went to place their order, Kyle and Jared looked questioningly at Justin.

“I guess it’s time to get down to business,” Justin told them after taking a sip of his drink. “A few weeks ago I had a woman come into my office; she is looking to find an adoptive family for her children.”

“How old are the children?” Kyle finally managed to ask. From the sounds of it, he figured maybe he shouldn’t have dreaded this meeting as much as he had.

“The oldest is a 4 year old little boy, then there’s a 2 ½ year old little girl, and she’s pregnant with her third,” Justin answered.

“I guess our next question would be, why she would be having the third if she doesn’t even want the other two?” Jared asked.

“This isn’t a situation of her not wanting the children,” Justin answered. “I have her permission to give you the details of the situation if you’re interested.”

“Of course we are,” Kyle answered. He was trying to figure out why a mother would suddenly be trying to find new homes for her children.

“The mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s in an advanced stage that had spread through many part of her body. If it had been caught early, there would have been many different treatments available to her. As it is, the disease has progressed enough that without intensive treatment, she isn’t going to make it,” Justin informed them.

“So why doesn’t she have the treatment?” Jared asked. He knew that if something like that had happened to him, he would have whatever treatment was necessary.

“Even with the treatment there is a very slim chance of survival. She thought about going through with it anyway and has been assured that there is really very little risk to the baby she is pregnant with. Even though there isn’t much risk, the mother has decided that she would rather not have the treatment than risk it doing something to her child. She has no family, or apparently is estranged from her family, and wants to find a good home that will take all three children. She figures if she can find an adoptive family before she dies then the state won’t be able to split up the children.”

“So what would happen if she can’t find an adoptive family that’s willing to take all three children?” Jared asked.

“What she’s afraid of is that the state will be able to find a home for the baby and probably the other two children, but that the kids won’t be able to stay together. I’ve seen it before, occasionally they can find a family, but with all the children being so young, it would be difficult for social services to place them together.”

“Where exactly are you going with this Justin?” Kyle asked as he took a swig of his beer.

“I wanted to know, if the opportunity presented itself, if you would be interested in adopting all three children?” Justin asked as he watched Kyle’s and Jared’s face to catch their reaction.

Kyle couldn’t explain the emotions that scrambled for purchase inside his mind. He had thought of adopting one, maybe even two kids, but to be asked to adopt three at one time was mind reeling. He tore his disbelieving gaze from Justin and looked over to Jared to find his emotions mirrored on his face as well. When Jared met his gaze, Kyle could tell that Jared wanted to say yes, but was unsure what Kyle’s reaction would be. Turning back to Justin, Kyle chose his words carefully.

“We would definitely consider it,” Kyle began. “Though we would want to meet the children, and their mother. When is she due to have the third?”

“Her due date is in the second week of December, but her doctor’s are already planning on doing a Caesarean a couple weeks early. By the time the mother has reached full term, it’s very possible that she wouldn’t have the energy or physical capability of delivery.”

“I have to say I have my concerns about three children all at once. The biggest being, is we only have the two extra bedrooms,” Kyle answered. He knew that they had plenty of love for three children, but the logistics of them adopting three kids at once was almost numbing.

“Where they are all so young, it wouldn’t be considered inappropriate for two of the kids to share a room,” Justin told them. “I had the mother come over to the office this morning and went through a few things about the both of you to see if she was interested in pursuing the possibility of you adopting the children. Based on what she learned, she would like to meet you, before you leave to go home if it’s possible.”

“Justin, I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t expecting this, and I for one would have no problem meeting the mother, and possibly the children. I am assuming that you shared the fact that we are a committed gay couple and since you’re here talking to us, I’m assuming that she has no problem with that.”

“Actually, she’s perfectly fine with you being gay. She is a very down to earth person, and to put it into her own words, she has been known to swing both ways,” Justin answered with a slight chuckle. Kyle and Jared were saved from replying to that revelation by the arrival of their dinner. Conversation was essentially stopped while they ate and it gave Kyle and Jared a chance to chew over all the information they had been given. When they were finished Kyle turned his attention to Justin.

“Can you excuse us for a few moments?” Kyle asked.

“Sure, not a problem, I’ll go over to the lounge, and one of you can come and get me when you’re done,” Justin answered, pushing his chair back and standing up. “I understand that this is a lot to take in, and I would be worried if you didn’t need to discuss it.”

“Thank you,” Jared answered before watching Justin leave. Once they were alone, Jared turned to Kyle. “So what do you think?”

“Honestly? I don’t know Jared, it would be a lot to take on,” Kyle answered. He would have had to be made of ice not too feel for the woman and her situation, but he still had his reservations. “I was prepared for one kid at a time, and to suddenly have three little ones, I just don’t know.”

“I really think we could do it,” Jared answered earnestly. “I know it’s a lot, but I keep thinking about how this must be affecting those kids, to have their mother being sick. I would really like to do this,” Jared finished.

“Honestly, I would too. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to at least meet the mother and the kids and see how we get along. If we do decide to do this, we’ll have to make at least a couple of trips out here a month.”

“We can afford it,” Jared answered.

“I’m not really worried about the cost, and once winter sets in, I won’t have a whole lot of work to do. We could possibly even see about hiring a manager for the gym which would free you up more as well,” Kyle answered as he started going through all the possibilities in his mind. “God, I can’t even imagine what their mother must be going through,” Kyle said. “To know that you wouldn’t be around to raise your kids, that’s got to be hard on her. I guess it all boils down to the fact that we’re looking for kids to love and raise and she’s looking for someone to love and raise her kids.”

“Well, we were going to go to Sea World tomorrow, we could possibly meet the mother in the morning and then later on if things went well, we could take the kids and the mother to Sea World with us. See how we all get along together in a family type-setting,” Jared answered.

“I’ll go get Justin,” Kyle answered before standing up and heading in the direction of the lounge. Within a few moments he was back at the table with Justin in tow. Once they were all seated, Kyle told him, “Would it be possible for us to meet the mother in the morning?”

***

“Are you nervous?” Jared asked Kyle as they sat in the café Justin had told them to be at. Neither of them had taken more than a sip of the coffee that sat in front of them as they were too busy watching the door.

“No, not at all,” Kyle answered before chuckling. “Of course I’m nervous and if you remember right, I’m the one who dragged you out of bed three hours before we had to be here.” Kyle had been restless throughout the night and hadn’t gotten more than a few hours of sleep. Kyle was in the process of twisting his coffee cup around in his hand when he heard the door of the coffee shop open. Just as he had every time it had opened since they arrived, Kyle glanced up, only to climb to his feet when he saw Justin walk in followed by a lady who looked to be in her mid thirties. He was surprised to see the two kids, each one holding one of their mother’s hands. Justin had told them that the mother had a sitter for this meeting. He looked over at Jared and saw the same look of confusion that was probably on his own face.

“Good morning Kyle, Jared,” Justin said as he got to the table. “I’d like you both to meet Janice Wood, and her two children are Ryder and Andrea.”

“Good morning, Justin. It’s nice to meet you Janice,” Kyle said to the woman. Crouching down, Kyle turned his attention to the little boy and took the boys hand in his own. “Hi Ryder, I’m Kyle.”

“Hi,” Ryder answered shyly. Kyle would have done the same with Andrea but she had moved so that she was slightly hidden behind her mom.

“I’m sorry I had to bring the kids,” Janice told them as she moved towards the booth nearest their table. “The next door neighbor was going to babysit, but one of her kids ended up sick.”

“That’s okay,” Jared answered. “We’re glad to meet all of you.”

“Let me just get these two settled and we can talk,” Janice answered. Once she got the kids situated with no spill cups she placed a handful of cheerios on a napkin in front of Andrea and a handful of Goldfish crackers in front of Ryder.

“They’re cute kids,” Kyle told Janice as she took the seat at their table as he studied Janice. If he hadn’t already known that Janice had cancer he still wouldn’t. Other than her skin being a little bit pale she seemed healthy enough.

“They can be a handful at times though,” Janice answered with a smile. “Don’t get me wrong, they’re both good kids, and Ryder is a big help.” At Kyle’s doubting look she grinned before saying, “Well, he tries to be a big help, it actually usually ends up causing more work. I just don’t have the heart to tell him that.”

“I remember when I was little my mom would always let me help her do things. I only found out later that though she’d let me do them to begin with, once I moved on to something else she redid it,” Kyle answered. “I think it’s a mom thing.”

“I’m really glad you agreed to meet with me,” Janice told them. “Justin told me the basics about you, but as much as I’d like to sit here and talk about everything, the snacks will only keep Andrea and Ryder busy for a short time. Would it be too forward of me to ask you if you can meet me at my house? They have toys and everything there that they can play with while we talk.”

“I’m sure we can handle that,” Jared answered with a look at Kyle.

“That works for me,” Kyle agreed before pushing back his chair and standing up. “I’ll just go take care of our check.” Kyle quickly paid the check and found Jared waiting for him by the door.

“Janice is going to load the kids up and then we’ll follow her to her house,” Jared told Kyle once he had joined him.

“Works for me,” Kyle answered.

“So are you any less nervous than you were when we first got here?” Jared asked as he pushed the door open.

“Not really,” Kyle answered. “I just keep thinking about the big what if’s.”

“What do you mean?” Jared asked as they walked to their car.

“I just keep thinking about what if she doesn’t like us, what if she won’t agree to us raising her kids, just a lot of what if’s,” Kyle answered as he reached out and took Jared’s hand in his own.

“There’s nothing we can really do about it if that does happen,” Jared answered. “Besides, I thought we were just meeting them to see if we might be open to adopting them.”

“I know, I guess Janice’s story just really got to me,” Kyle answered. “It’s obvious that she loves her kids and to know that she won’t be around to watch them grow up, well, it just sucks,” Kyle answered as they reached their car. Kyle quickly unlocked the door for Jared and within seconds they were both sitting inside.

“She said she’s driving a green Jeep Cherokee and that she’ll honk as she passes our car,” Jared told Kyle before commenting on what he’d said. “I know it sucks, but if we can’t bond with the kids then it would probably be worse for them if we adopted them. As much as we’d both like to just say we would adopt them given the chance, we need to get to know them,” Jared answered.

Kyle didn’t have time to answer as he heard a car honking and twisted in his seat to see the Cherokee crawling past them as Janice waited for them to pull out. He quickly pulled in behind the Jeep and followed behind it through the winding streets. When the Jeep finally pulled into a driveway after about ten minutes, Kyle pulled in behind it before cutting the engine and climbing out.

“Justin will be here in just a minute,” Janice told them as she climbed out of her vehicle.

“Sounds good,” Kyle answered. “Do you need any help?”

“Thanks, I’ll get Andrea out if you’ll go around to the other side and unbuckle Ryder from his car seat. He can get out on his own, just can’t manage to work the buckle yet.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Jared asked, having come up beside Janice.

“Yes it is, I would hate to be driving down the road and have him undo the buckle. He did that with the last car seat I had for him and so I had to get a new one with a more complex buckling system,” Janice said with a laugh. “Scared me half to death when I was driving down the road only to have him poke his head up between the front seats.”

“I can only imagine,” Jared answered as Kyle walked back around the SUV with Ryder following along behind him.

“Why don’t we go inside,” Janice told them with Andrea held in her arms. Kyle and Jared followed her into the house and were surprised to hear a dog start barking. “Why don’t you guys go ahead and have a seat while I go let the puppy into the backyard,” Janice told them, setting Andrea on the floor before disappearing into what Kyle assumed was the kitchen. A minute later they heard a door opening and then Janice was back in the living room.

“I like your home,” Jared told her as he took in the spacious living room.

“Thank you,” Janice responded before turning to her son. “Ryder, why don’t you take sissy and go into your play room.”

“K, watch a movie?” Ryder asked.

“You know what button to push, your movie is still in there,” Janice told her son and then watched as Ryder led Andrea out of the living room and down the hall. Letting out a sigh, she sat down on a flowered love seat and turned her attention to the two men sitting on the couch.

“I know this must be hard for you,” Kyle told her. “I can’t even imagine being in your situation.”

“Yes it is,” Janice answered just as she heard a knock on the door. Janice quickly got up and went to the door. She checked the peephole before opening it and admitted Justin into the room.

“Are the children settled?” Justin asked as he took a seat in an overstuffed chair.

“Yes, they’re in the play room,” Janice answered. “Would anyone like something to drink? I have some bottles of water or I could make some coffee.”

“Water would be great,” Kyle answered. When both Jared and Justin agreed, Janice went back into the kitchen and came back with four bottles of water. After handing them out she once again took a seat on the love seat.

“I appreciate you guys coming to the house,” Janice told them.

“It’s not a problem,” Jared answered.

“Justin has told me that you know what’s going on, so do you have any particular questions for me?” Janice asked as she opened her water and took a sip.

“I’m not sure,” Kyle answered, “we weren’t really expecting anything to come up so quickly. Is there anything you feel we should know? Either about what you’re going through or anything about Andrea and Ryder?” Kyle wasn’t sure what to ask her and he didn’t want to ask her about the breast cancer. He was afraid that if he started asking questions that he could possibly make it even more painful for Janice than it already was.

“I guess more than anything I would like to discuss what would happen if you were to adopt my children,” Janice started. “As I’m sure Justin has explained to you, I have no qualms about a gay couple adopting them, but there are some things I would like to go over and a few things I would like to ask.”

“Ask away,” Jared answered. “We will do our best to answer any questions you might have.” A part of him was apprehensive about what Janice might ask them and for a moment he felt his gut churning.

“I know you live in Utah, but one thing that I am hoping for in adoptive parents is that once the adoption is complete that they will allow me to see the children for as long as I’m here. I know that could be difficult with you living so far away, but if it was possible, would you allow it?” Janice asked. She knew that she would have to let the kids get settled into a new home, but she wanted to spend as much time with them as possible.

“We could actually probably do you one better,” Kyle answered. “After the baby is born, should we adopt all three kids, how would you feel about moving to Utah?”

“I honestly wouldn’t be able to afford to move, and despite the fact they won’t be able to do anything, my doctor’s are here,” Janice answered as tears sprung to her eyes. If she could move to wherever her babies were she would in a heartbeat, but she knew it wasn’t possible.

“Would you move if you could?” Kyle persisted.

“Of course I would, I would love to have as much time with my kids as I can, but it’s just not feasible.”

“Actually, it would be,” Kyle answered. “I own an apartment complex in Ogden, which is only about a twenty to thirty minute drive from our home. Two of the apartments are empty and should we adopt the children, you could have one of those apartments if you would like. It would put you close to the kids and as far as the doctor’s are concerned, the University of Utah has one of the best research hospitals. I won’t say they can cure you, but they might be able to make you more comfortable and prolong things for a little while.”

“You would do that?” Janice asked quietly. “You don’t even know me.”

“I’ll level with you, should we adopt the kids, you’d be giving us the biggest gift that anyone can give. The least we could do is help you out in any way that we can and allow you any access you would like with the kids. At the very least it will give you something to think about and consider,” Jared answered as he reached out and took Kyle’s hand. He had almost forgotten where they were but he saw Janice smile at them and relaxed.

“Yes, it does,” Janice answered. “That is a very generous offer and I will definitely consider it if everything works out that way. I do have another concern; I understand that you are committed to each other, and despite it not being considered legal in Utah, that you are married. What would you do if you split up? I mean, my children are going to be losing their mother and I want them in a stable environment. I don’t want them to lose a second parent because you grew apart,” Janice asked.

“I don’t see that happening,” Kyle answered. “We did go through a rough patch about six years ago and we ended up spending two years apart. We’ve both talked about it intensely and agreed that those two years were miserable for both of us. We’ve been back together for four years and though in any relationship it’s a possibility, we feel that we are solid together. If, and that’s a big if, something were to ever happen and we were to split up, the kids would get to see the other parent whenever they want. Let me assure you though, if we had any doubts about our stability, we wouldn’t even be looking to adopt.” Janice’s question had caused Kyle to think about the time him and Jared had spent apart and Kyle had never been so happy to have those terrible years behind them.

“Can I ask what happened that caused you to separate?” Janice asked as she looked from one to the other.

“It boiled down to the fact that I didn’t know how to tell my parents I was gay,” Jared answered. “Despite being an adult, I knew how my dad would react and I wanted his approval, so I left. It didn’t take me long to realize I had made a huge mistake in leaving, but I couldn’t quite find the courage to come out to my parents and I didn’t think Kyle would take me back,” Jared answered as he thought about his own stupidity back then.

“And now?”

“My parents know I’m gay and the only one who has any issues with it is my father. The rest of my family are involved in our lives and both of Kyle’s parents are a big part of our life,” Jared answered.

“That’s good to know,” Janice answered. “I would leave the kids with my parents, but they died when I was little and I ended up in the system. That’s part of the reason I don’t want my kids in the system. I’ve seen how it can be and I’ve seen families be split apart. I don’t want that for them,” they were interrupted when Ryder walked into the room.

“Mommy? Can I play with Mouse?” he asked his mother.

“If you go let him in and watch him really closely,” Janice told her son. Ryder darted out of the room and a couple minutes later went running down the hall with a puppy following after him.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do about the dog,” Janice told them as they watched the puppy follow Ryder. “I got him for Ryder for his birthday three months ago, before I found out about the cancer. I need to try and find him a home as well, but it’s hard because Ryder is so attached to him and the puppy is so good with the kids.”

“What kind is he?” Kyle asked.

“He’s kind of a mutt, a little bit of everything,” Janice answered.

“Couldn’t whoever adopted the kids take the dog too?” Jared asked. He knew some people didn’t like dogs, but anyone with a heart wouldn’t want to separate the boy from his dog.

“I wish they would, but I figure with the condition of all the kids being adopted together that it’s a little much to ask them to take the dog too, especially with all the kids being so young.”

“I would think that someone who really wanted the best for the kids would understand that it would be heartbreaking to lose their dog,” Kyle answered. He knew that if they adopted the kids they would take the dog too.

“Before we go any further,” Justin started; he had sat silently through the exchange but decided to speak up, “we need to know if you are even interested in adopting the children. I know it seems abrupt, but there’s no point in going any further if you have no interest in giving them a home.”

“We are definitely interested,” Kyle answered. “We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t, but we also want to get to know both Andrea and Ryder and make sure that they can bond with us. I know that they are young, but losing their mother is going to be hard on them and it would probably be good for them if they already had some type of bond established with their adoptive parents.”

“How do you propose to do that with you being in Utah and them being here?” Justin asked. As much as his heart went out to Janice, he had to be realistic and had to remember that he was the attorney and that there were questions he had to ask.

“Should Janice decide to let us adopt the kids, we can fly out here a couple of times a month, maybe even every weekend. I would also like to fly Janice and the kids out to Utah to see where their new home would be and show Janice one of the apartments. Jared had an idea to start things off,” Kyle told them while looking pointedly at Jared.

“We were planning on going to Sea World today and were thinking that it would be a good opportunity to interact with the kids. We would like you, Andrea, and Ryder to go with us,” Jared said to Janice.

“I’m sorry,” Janice answered, “but there is no way I can afford that right now.”

“We can though,” Jared answered. “If you are really considering letting us adopt them, we need to get to know them and Sea World might be a good ice breaker. If you’re not comfortable with that then maybe we could all do something else together. Get to know each other a little better.”

“I’m sure Ryder would love Sea World,” Janice answered, “but I can’t ask you guys to pay for that.”

“You’re not asking,” Kyle said gently. “There’s no pressure here, if you decide not to let us adopt them then we’ll accept that and this will be a gift to you and them.”

“If you’re really sure,” Janice finally answered after thinking about it for a minute. “I’ve wanted to take them to Sea World for a long time, but it was never in the budget. I might not get another chance,” she finished quietly, her eyes full of unshed tears.

“Good, why don’t we go back to our hotel and get changed and we’ll come back in about an hour and a half to pick you up,” Kyle told Janice before turning to Justin. “You are more than welcome to come too.”

“Sorry, I can’t, I have to be in court at eleven and then I have an appointment in the afternoon,” Justin answered and it was clear from his voice that he was disappointed.

“That will work for me,” Janice answered as she stood. “We can meet you there if that would be easier.”

“There’s no reason for that,” Jared answered. “We’ll be back here in about an hour and a half,” he told her as he stood. He was unsure what to do but finally decided that a handshake was not appropriate and walked over and gave her a comforting hug. He knew it was the right thing to do when he pulled back and she gave him a tremulous smile.

“I think I needed that,” Janice said with a trembling smile.

“Then maybe you need another one,” Kyle told her and walked over and gave her his own hug.

Jared noticed that Janice seemed to cling to Kyle a little bit longer and understood why. There was something about Kyle’s size and personality that just inspired comfort and trust. He saw Kyle whisper something to Janice before pulling back to which he was rewarded with a brief smile.

“We’ll be back soon,” Kyle promised as they followed Justin out the door.

“You guys are really something else,” Justin told them as they walked out to the cars.

“What do you mean?” Kyle asked questioningly and somewhat defensive.

“Oh, nothing bad I assure you. You seemed to just know that she needed a hug and gave it to her. I do hope that if you do end up adopting the children that you take the dog as well,” Justin told them.

“Oh yeah, if we take the kids, we take the dog,” Jared answered for both of them.

“That’s good to know,” Justin answered before shaking their hands and walking to his own car before getting behind the wheel and driving away.

“I think that went well,” Kyle said as they were driving back to the hotel.

“Yeah, I think so too,” Jared answered and looked over to where Kyle looked deep in thought. “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh, a lot of things, but the most pressing one is that I think we need something larger for this outing. It would be kind of tight to fit three adults and two car seats in this car,” Kyle answered.

“True, I wonder if when we get to the hotel if they can have an SUV delivered there for us to take.”

“We’ll know soon enough,” Kyle told him. When they got to hotel they found out that they could rent an SUV for the day from the hotel itself and since they would only need it for the day, that’s what they decided to do. An hour after they left Janice Wood’s house they were on their way back in the rented Ford Expedition.

***

Thursday Afternoon

“I think this trip went very well,” Kyle said to Jared as they were flying home.

“Yeah, it did, and to think, we’ll go back a week from this Saturday,” Jared answered as he thought about the trip to Sea World. He had known how loving Kyle could be, but Kyle had still surprised him with how nurturing he was with the kids. At Sea World he had encouraged Ryder to pet the different things in the petting zoo and had lifted him up to see at the Orca show. He gazed lovingly at the man sitting next to him and saw Kyle return his gaze.

“What?” Kyle asked.

“What made you think of the pictures?” Jared asked. Kyle had decided to have pictures taken at Sea World, one of them with all of them in it, and another with just Janice and the kids. Janice had been on the verge of tears by the time they had dropped them off at home, but she assured both of them that they were happy tears and had immediately invited them for breakfast the next morning.

“Well, I figured that if we adopted them, it would be our first family picture, and if not, then we would have it to remind us of the day and Janice would have one of her and the kids,” Kyle said as though it had been no big deal.

“It amazed me how quickly Ryder took to you,” Jared told him as he pictured the little boy in his mind. He was even more surprised that Ryder looked like a miniature Kyle. He had the same facial structure and the same sea green eyes and black hair. From the time they had arrived at Sea World until they left, Ryder had always been close on Kyle’s heels.

“No quicker than Andrea took to you, she wouldn’t even let me hold her until a little before we left Sea World, but you were able to pick her up whenever you wanted,” Kyle told him with a grin. “Those two kids tug at the heart strings, and if we adopt, Andrea isn’t dating until she’s thirty.”

“She is a beautiful little girl,” Jared agreed. He had felt his heart melt every time she looked at him with her green eyes. Unlike her brother, her hair was so blonde that it was almost white.

“I’m looking forward to going back,” Kyle told his husband. “I don’t think Janice would have asked us to come back if she wasn’t seriously considering allowing us the privilege of adopting them. At least I would hope she wouldn’t.”

“I think we have a really good chance,” Jared answered as he reached out and gave Kyle’s knee a quick reassuring squeeze.

“I really hope so,” Kyle answered before leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes. Within minutes he was fast asleep and it didn’t take Jared long to join him in slumber.

***

Mid November

“Are you sure we have everything packed?” Jared asked nervously an hour before they were to touch down in San Diego. “I keep feeling like we’re forgetting something.”

“Are you a nervous dad to be?” Kyle asked with a chuckle. He knew Jared was nervous, so was he, but this was the last trip they would be making to California. Justin had called them the week before and told them they had a court date to finalize the adoption.

“You’re damn right I’m nervous,” Jared answered. “I know you are too, you just do better at hiding it than I do. I just wish Janice was doing better.”

“I know,” Kyle answered as he thought about the woman who was gifting them with children. It was a week and a half until Thanksgiving and Janice was scheduled for her Caesarean three days before Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving they were going to be driving back to Utah with the kids and Janice. She had agreed to take them up on their offer of one of Kyle’s apartments and would be moving to Utah, what she didn’t know was that Kyle had spent the last three months building an addition onto their house and she was going to be living with them. Though they kept the apartment she had picked out free, just in case she balked at living in Morgan with them. The first week in December both Janice and the baby had appointments scheduled in Salt Lake City. Janice was going to be going to the University of Utah to see if there was anything they could do for her, and the new baby was going to be checked out at Primary Children’s Medical Center to test for any abnormalities that might have been caused by the cancer.

“I’m glad it’s going to be you in there with her when they take the baby,” Kyle told Jared. While Jared accompanied Janice to have the baby, Kyle was going to remain at the house and take care of the other two kids and the dog. “You know the other good thing to come out of all this?” Kyle asked Jared.

“What’s that?” Jared asked with a smile.

“That you legally changed your name,” Kyle answered with a big grin.

“Well, we’ve been married for four years, I figured it was time,” Jared told him with a chuckle. They had talked about one of them changing their name so that they both would share the same last name with the kids. Jared had balked at the idea of Kyle changing his name and told him that since his dad didn’t accept their marriage and Kyle’s parents did, that it was only right that the Blackner name be carried on. Both men were lost in thought about their newly acquired family and were surprised when the plane started its descent into San Diego. Once they had deplaned they grabbed their luggage and rented an SUV before heading to Janice’s. Ever since that first trip they had stayed at her home when they came to visit and the kids had soon come to depend on Kyle and Jared as much as they did their mother. The three adults had sat Ryder down and explained to him as best as they could that Kyle and Jared were going to be his daddies.

The next morning the three adults met Justin at the courthouse and a little while later everything was official. Kyle and Jared were now the parents of Ryder, Andrea, and Janice Blackner. Janice had cried when they told her that they wanted to give the baby her name, but they felt that it was only fitting that the baby carried on Janice’s name.

A week later Janice Marie Blackner was delivered by Caesarean and weighed in at five pounds five ounces. Her and her mother were allowed to come home the day after Thanksgiving and Jared prepared a meal for the family of six. The day after Thanksgiving they loaded their family into the Expedition that they had rented for the trip home. They were only taking what they would need until the movers brought the rest of their things in a couple of weeks and the new owners would take possession of the house the week before Christmas. Janice Wood managed to survive until a month after Christmas and then she slipped away surrounded by her family. Kyle and Jared explained to their son that his mother had gone away to be with god like they had talked about but that she would be watching over their family. Not knowing much about Janice’s years before they met her, the obituary that appeared in the paper within days of her death was short but filled with love.

Janice Marie Wood

Janice Wood passed away after a struggle
with cancer on January 23, 2010. She was
a loving mother and a devoted friend. She
was a true joy to anyone who knew her and
she will be sorely missed. She is survived by
a son, Ryder Wood Blackner, two daughters:
Andrea Marie Blackner, and Janice Marie
Blackner, and her children’s adoptive parents,
Kyle and Jared Blackner, all of Morgan, Ut. In
lieu of flowers, please consider donating to the
Susan G Komen for the Cure Foundation or
your local Cancer Research foundation.

A family picture hung in a place of honor in the living room, it was taken just before Christmas and knowing that it would be the only Christmas picture they had with Janice in it, Kyle had told Jared that it would always hang there. He’d had stenciled on it: An Eternal Christmas 2009.