My Life in a Monastery - 1. Chapter 1 The Sad Departing

The Sad Departing

The day I had to go to the monastery was very sad. I was leaving behind my friends and my mother, but also my brothers. I would miss frolicking in the bed with my brothers and cousins that come home often. For all we share the same place to sleep, all wrapped in the same blankets and other clothes for sometimes the nights are freezing. But the worse it would be for I will miss my favorite sweets made with sampa flour, butter and honey.

So, at the coursed morning, my mum woke me very early. I looked out of the window for a moment and the sky was as dark as charcoal.

My mum had prepared a special breakfast with yak milk and sweets made for the occasion, but I was not any hungry at all. My stomach was tout and angry. I usually gulp everything eagerly. But this morning I could not drink but a little milk and just a sweet.

My mum did not commented in my lack of appetite. And maintained a stern serious face. So, she kept the sweets in a small bag for she knew I would be as hungry as a dog, at noon, after hiking half the way up to the monastery.

He had already have breakfast for I did not see her eating anything.

Then, as I was wearing English jeans like all the young boys of my age, my mum ordered me to take off this unbecoming clothes and put on the traditional red tunic of the student monks.

I began to take off my “American Jims” when my mum saw the English underwear I had. This was a present from my aunt Amchila who was working in Katchamdu. She came to visit us when my father died and brought presents for all of us in the family.

I was very proud of my English underwear. I used to amaze some of my friends, showing them at little bit of them, pulling down my jeans to show them the waistband with an English mantra written in it. They were in awe watching the mantra wrote in my briefs. They all wanted to know what was the mantra saying. I could not confess I do not know what was written in them, so I told them it reads, “oh mani pad me on”.

My cousin Talmo said, “Show us more of this English cloth. Show us.”

Then I pulled a little more my jeans down to show it. Then Talmo was impressed at the quality of the underwear. For the English cloth is better than the traditional clothes we use here.

That was when Chigo said,

“Pull your English clothes a little down.”

“What for?” I asked.

“Well, to see a little your ass. You have a pert ass”

“Why is pert?” I said.

“Well, you got a nice big ass. It shows up, like you were a pretty girl.”

“No, girls have not an ass like this. I got my ass of going running after the sheep, up and down the hills.”

“None of us here has an ass like yours.”

“For none of you were herding sheep. It is the exercise that makes grow my ass muscles.”

“Well, you are right. Show us more of your ass.” Said Chigo.

“Nope. I cannot show it.”

“Shows us a little, please.” Said Talmo.

“I’m not showing.”

“Just a little bit, please. Pull down your English loincloth.”

“I will, but only a little.” I said.

And they all liked it. For my ass was very developed. Not like those kids that are always at school sat on a bench and chanting all those mantras.

I think my friends were sad when they heard I was going to be sent to a monastery.

Talmo asked me,

“Could you give me your English underwear? Monks do not wear any underclothes.”

“Why not? They wear underclothes like everybody.” I replied.

“No, they not. Course they make vows of poverty.”

“But this is much later. When they become monks. I would be just a student. And students can wear that.”

I thought my friends and brothers were sad at me parting to a monastery.

I thought I was fortunate when my aunt Amchila gave me the English underwear. My brothers felt envy, for they were given other gifts less worthy. I was happy of being so lucky, but a little later all this worked against me. It was like a punishment for being so lucky. But other people have a lot of luck in life and is not punished for their luck was deserved due to the merits they had in a former life. Like my aunt Amchila who inherited a very rich karma for a previous life of mortification. She lives very well working in Katchamdu. When she came for my father’s funeral, she brought presents for all children in the family. So, I received the English underwear that all my brothers envied.

My cousin Talmo, that felt most envy, said,

“This gift was sure a sign that you will be sent to a monastery.”

“I don’t want to go there!” I replied.

“It is not a problem of you liking it or not. It’s your fate. You will sent to a monastery for your fault. The Karma you had in your previous life is what is sending you to a monastery. There you will make penance to increase your karma in this life.”

“It was due to the karma of my former life?”

“Yeah. You should not complain. You’ll probably would achieve the enlightenment. Then, you would entere in Nirvana living in peace with all the holy spirits.”

“Yeah,” I said downhearted.

I was a little fed up with all this stuff of living a life of mortification. I would liked best not to mortify at all and enjoy the pleasures of this life.

I think all this has come from some quarrels that uncle Tenzing had with my dad. They were often fighting for unknown reasons. The general custom was that there is only one father, and the second father is called uncle. And both live at home. And both had the right to sleep with the mum. This is very handy if brothers live in harmony with each other. But sometimes they do not.

After several fights uncle Tenzing left the family. Now it seems he wanted to come back to marry my mum. Then he want to change some things. I will be sent to a monastery and a brother and two sisters would be also sent to live with relatives. It is like this, or he would reclaim half the properties of the family as his own.

Sorry, I forgot the story I was telling about my mum on the forlorn morning I was obliged to go... oh, my! I will have to do all this trudging hiking up all day long to the monastery.

My mother had a red tunic in his hand and said,

“Take off this foreign clothes and put on the red tunic.”

“Wh... what?” I said alarmed.

“You cannot go of this guise to the monastery.”

“Why not!”

“It’s blasphemous. And do not shout at me.”

“But why?”

“This is not the traditional dress for a student.”

“But the master Gramma would not mind if I am wearing this!”

“Yeah. He would mind. He would surely reject you, if you were clothed this way.”

“Oh, maaaa!” I whined.

“Come on. We have not all day.”

I started to pull off my “jims” and she saw the English underwear.

“You have to take off also this.”

“What?”

“This blasphemous underwear. Take it off.”

I felt desperate and threw myself on floor, crying aloud like a little kid with a tantrum. I was totally heartbroken.

My mum was watching me with a stern face. I was desperate watching her face.

“You have to take off this underwear.” she said.

I was so desperate that I challenged her.

“You can kill me if you want!”

“What?”

“You can broke all my bones, but I would not take off this garment.”

“Then, uncle Tenzin would take it off, if you don’t.”

“He would had to carry me up there or kill me.”

My mum was disconcerted for a while.

“I will not tramp up there on my feet.”

She was thinking for about four of five seconds, then she said,

“Well, you can go with this foreign loincloths, but you should put on the red tunic.”

I pondered for some seconds the question and sat on the floor.

“Okay, I will put on the red tunic.”

“And do not say anymore this is dirty foreign word.”

“Okay!” I said.

She slapped me hard in the face and it stung.

“What I told you? Not more dirty words!”

“It was not any dirty word, mum!”

He slapped me again.

“Do not reply back to your mum.”

I was so shocked that I replied in a low voice.

“You are not my mum anymore.”

I stood up and put on my damn red tunic.

“I am ready,” I said with my face full of tears.

I tried to stop my tears but my eyes do not obeyed me. They were working on their own free will.

She tried to calm me down and tapped on my shoulders.

“You will be happy there. This is sure.”

I did not replied. She was not anymore my mum. You only can reply to a loving mum. But she was behaving in a bitchy way.

“You will had to obey orders there.” She said. “So you will accumulate merits to enrich your karma for the next reincarnation.”

Rebels words crossed my mind. “Enrich the karma, my ass. I will be accumulating a huge pile of horse manure for my next reincarnation.”

We started our journey with the first lights of dawn. I was tramping up the winding path uphill with my mind swelled in thick sadness. I was not uttering a single mantra word on my way up. My mum seemed unaware of my silence. She was praying her mantras aloud all the way as she was trudging uphill.

In other occasion, when we were hiking like this, she would be urging me to utter my mantras aloud. “I am not hearing you,” she would have said. But today she knew I was very upset and she shut on the issue of singing mantras.

Thinking about the recent past, I was very sad when I heard my mum would go marrying uncle Tenzing. I did not understood why he needed to marry my mum. There were plenty of pretty ladies down in Katchamdu to marry.

My mum tried to convince me saying that I will be fortunate to enjoy the privilege of being in a monastery for life. I could become a famous and wise monk. She said this idea was dream of my dad when he was in his bed dying. She said my father told her I will become a famous Gramma in a monastery.

This day was the saddest of my life. I could not blame to the weather for the sadness of this journey. After a while hiking, it appeared the sun over the crest of a mountain. A little later, the sky was deep blue. Only a few little clouds were flying on the cold breeze.

In this sad day I had not eyes for the blue sky; I was not aware of the little flowers that were growing everywhere. But I remember well the cold on my face and hands, while inside my tunic, by body were burning and sweating with the heat of the sun.

At mid day, we made a halt to rest and eat something. I was so distressed that my stomach was like tied in a strong knot. I drunk only a little water from a spring nearby. But I did not ate any of the sweets. My mum was silent and did not tell me to eat. He simple put the sweets over a cloth on the floor for me to see. If I was hungry I will eat them. She eat also very little, and we do not talked at all.

Five or six hours later, we were arriving to the monastery. From the distance, I could see a very big house with two floors and two lines of windows. I had never seen any house with so many windows. Now, I know that the walls of the monastery were painted in a bright whitewash. But in my memories of this day I recall the walls were of a dirty gray color.

At the end of our journey, the sun was falling down fast over some mountains. Someone was waiting for us and had seen us from a distance. The doors of the monastery were wide opened.

A big man was waiting for us at the door. I thought this big figure waiting would be the master Gramma. He was a tall man and was accompanied by a younger student. When I got closer I was glad to see that the master had not a plump face or a potbelly. I had imagined a master Gramma would always be a fat man like this.

As I was getting near, I saw the Master Gramma had a handsome face and a strong figure. When I was before him, instead of looking down at the floor with a due modesty, I dared to look up at his face for a moment.

I was surprised to see that he had the sweetest smile and the most sparkling eyes that I have seen in all my life. The vision of his face produced a little trembling in my body and I was aware of the strong beatings of my heart. The Master greeted my mum with a ritual mantra of welcome. He made a small bow while glancing and smiling at my eyes for some seconds. He invited my mum and me to come inside to take some food and a cup of tea.

“You must be very hungry, after all this hiking.” Said the Gramma.

“We are not much hungry” said my mum. “We have eaten some sampa sweets at noon.”

“Come on!” Invited the Gramma. “You must be very hungry.”

We entered into the monastery and the master show us the way to a dinning room for guests. We sat over some cushions around a low table and a boy brought a big plate with boiled rice, and a small plate with some sweets. The master was looking at me from time to time with a sweet smile and I began to feel much better. My older cousins used to look at me with a sweet smile, but never a man so tall and handsome had been looking at me with such a pleasant smile. Not even my dad.

To end this part, I have to say that I was a little hungry. Then I had my last dinner with my mum and the Gramma had honored us by eating his rice with us. Then we all had a cup of tea with scones of tasty yak butter. After this supper the Gran Gramma stayed for a while chatting with us nicely.

“What is the name of the boy, madam?”

“Tachi Gyatsum.”

“Oh, Tachi! It love specially this name.”

“I am glad you like it, Eminence.”

“I had expected a younger boy, madam.”

“I am sorry, Eminence. It is a great fault on my part to have delayed so long the coming of the boy to the monastery.”

“Do not worry, madam. I am also in favor of delaying the admission of boys here. They are better when they are a little older like your son.”

“Oh!” Said my mum blushing.

“I have a preference for the boys of this age, madam.”

“I put him in the village’s school for some time, so he could learn to read, write and chant some mantras, Eminence.”

“You are a very prudent mother.”

“I do not deserve any praises, Eminence.”

“You have been blessed with more wisdom than you realize, madam.”

“I hope the boy would deserve the blessing of Your Grace.”

“I am sure he will deserve it entirely, madam. He has the eyes of a sweet clever boy.”

“I hope the boy... ” My mum hesitated. “At least… he could be blessed with a small bit of... your great virtue, Eminence.”

“Do not worry, madam.” Said the Gramma. “I will enrich the boy with so much virtue as he could to take.”

“Oh!” Said my mum.

“He needs to have… a willingness to bend. A desire to be infused… by the kurhmen. I don’t doubt he will. I can see some clear signs of eagerness in his eyes. He seems impatient to learn.”

I heard this phrase with a certain pleasure, even if I was not sure of the meaning of the words of Gramma. I was not a rebel. Surely I would have some readiness to bend my will to the dogma... I will surely have a desire for the Gramma’s blessing. For he looked like a strong and loving dad.

I think that in this moment, watching the holy face of the Gramma, I had a true eagerness to learn, even if I have to suffer some pain in learning. I was ready to take in as much wisdom as I could.

The master was chatting with my mum when an older student came in and made a bow. He bowed to the master Gramma, then to my mum. He did not bow at me, for I was not worthy of a bow.

The master said,

“It’s getting late, madam. The boy must go to sleep to the dormitory.”

Then he turned to me and said in a very sweet voice,

“Listen, Tachi, this boy here is Angi Nyima. He is going to lead you in the monastery for the next days of the week. Obey him in all. By the way, try to see this monastery as it were your new home. All the students would love you here. And now, give a kiss of goodnight to your mum.”

At this moment, most of my sadness had gone. So, I turned to my mum and gave her a goodnight kiss.

She looked sad to me but she showed a stern look, like meaning ‘there is not any way to go back home with me.’

It seemed that her eyes were a little wet with invisible tears.

Then I tried a clumsy bow towards the Gramma and a little one to my mum and left the room walking after Angi Nyima.

We were walking by a long corridor towards the main dormitory. This was going to be my first night in the monastery. The dormitory was lighted by a little oil lamp of clay, burning with a faint yellow flame. I watched two long rows of pupils sleeping on the floor and covered with blankets. There was not much space free, for the bodies were sleeping very close to each other.

Angy told me where was my place to sleep pointing to a woolen mat. He started to take off his tunic and made a sign for me to do the same. He did not utter any other word for not awaken the boys.

I thought Angy was looking at me nicely. And he was admiring my English underwear. As he glanced at my body up and down with sweet smile, I was flattered. I thought in this moment, that Angi Nyima was a sweet boy and looked like my cousin Talmo that was two or three years older than me.

Then, even his name was sweet. For Angi means “the beloved one”.

Angi showed me how I have to fold my tunic carefully and I glanced to the muscles of his chest and belly. He told me how to put the tunic under the sleeping mat to have it like it was pressed the next morning.

After this moment I had a sweet point glancing at his body illuminated by the dim oil lamp.

Watching him, much of the gloom I felt an hour ago had vanished. I watched his naked body for a while, for he was standing up as showing himself off to me.

Later, Angi went to blow off the light. He came back to his bed in almost darkness. For only a dim light was coming in from two open windows.

Then, we were laying very close to each other and that made me feel like at home. For I shared a bed with my brothers and some occasional cousins that came to sleep. That way we kept warm in the cold nights.

Sometimes we were a little too many, and I had the excitement of feeling my older cousin Talmo giving me heat on my back. Sometimes we played and he was laying on top of my body doing some pranks. Other cousins loved also to play with us. And all of us wated to ride on top of each other. Talmo liked to hold me tightly with his powerful arms and I felt like I was living in a cloud of happiness.

I was now on the monastery lying on my mat and covered myself with a woolen blanket. Angi was also lying at my side ready to sleep. Then he approached his face to my ear and told to me in a whisper,

“You know what?”

I was eager to know and he said,

“The Gramma showed an appreciative eye for you.”

I was glad hearing that. Perhaps Angi said this to comfort me for I he had seen my sad face. Perhaps all the boys were sad in the first day in the monastery, but I liked the look of the Gramma, specially his sweet smile and sparkling eyes.

So, I whispered back to Angi asking what was the name of the master. And he said, his name was Reverend Lobg Angi Gramma.

I was pondering about the meaning of this name. Then I found that his name was in perfect agreement with his noble manners and his gentle voice. Then we kept silence trying to sleep. I was starting to feel sad again, but Angi approached his face to mine and whispered,

“What is your name?”

“Tachi,” I said.

Then he replied

“This is a beautiful name, I love it”.

I was delighted to hear that.

“I like yours also a lot, Angi.” I answered back.

“You would be my ‘Tachi’ boy”, said Angi.

He was playing with words, for ‘Tachi’ is an ancient word that means “favorite”. Some fortunate boys have this name. I passed a time without any hint of sleeping. A little later, Angi put a hand over my waist and moved his body closer to me. His hands pressed my body against his.

The night had become very cold for there was two open windows in the room. So I welcomed the heat that Angi was giving me. I felt more at home thanks to Angi, so I could relax and asleep at last.

End of the Part One.

In the next chapter, the boy starts his new life tending the sheep of the monastery with a veteran shepherd.