Trying to... - 3. Trying to Hope

Alone in the shower, Tyler let his thoughts wander. His mind was filled with visions of Scott. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t resist imagining how wonderful it would be to just once return the longing gaze, to lose himself in the deep green pools that were Scott’s eyes.

The memory of the one kiss haunted him; Scott’s warm hands cupping his cold face, not giving a damn as to who stared, in the middle of the day, in broad daylight. He could feel the desire coursing through him, exactly as he’d felt Scott’s.

He closed his eyes, not because the warm water stung his face, but because he could almost feel the fleeting touch. Slow, gentle, tentative: the fingers travelled down Tyler’s neck, past his shoulders, down his water soaked body, almost as if they were looking for something; they stopped as they travelled a little lower.

Maybe it was the lack of blood in his head, the one on his shoulders that led to him pleasuring the other one; his body finally accepting what his mind wouldn’t let him. He wanted Scott, plain and simple.

His sat on the edge of the bathtub, recovering from one of the most intense orgasms he’d ever experienced. “And it wasn’t even him.” He shook his head and chuckled ruefully at the thought; he realised he sounded pathetic, mooning over a guy and talking to himself in the bathroom.

‘Dad?’ He could almost see the impatient little imp shifting from foot to foot outside in the hall, waiting (im)patiently for him to come down to dinner. The thought of his daughter brought a smile to his face; making all his sacrifices worth it.

‘Two minutes, Angel.’

Half an hour later, he was re-heating the spaghetti he’d made earlier while Eli set the table. As he watched her, he realised she was growing up fast; she didn’t even need the stool to get the plates down from the drying rack.

Dinner was never a big affair, it being just between the two of them. What it was, was special, just theirs. And that meant—

‘Scott Peters called, again. Are you going to call him back, or what?’

The way she was brandishing her fork; he thought there was a big chance she’d stab him with it. He smiled ruefully at the irritation in her voice; wondering long till he would be able to tell her.

‘No,’ Tyler shook his head. ‘I told you already, just tell him not to ring again.’

‘Why can’t you do it?’

‘I don’t want to talk to him,’ The conversation was not going how Tyler wanted it to; sadly it was exactly he’d been scared of, given how well he knew his daughter. He picked up his plate and moved to the sink, ‘Not even to tell him that I don’t want to talk to him.’

‘Who is he, dad?’ she picked up after her and handed him her plate.

‘Mel’s brother.’

‘Why is he calling you again and again?’

‘I have no idea, Eli.’ He started with the dishes..

‘If you say do, Dad.’ The sarcasm in her voice made him flinch. When did she get so good at it?

Fifteen minutes later, Tyler walked into the drawing room to a news channel showing some kind of riot, and what surprised him more was that his 12 year old daughter was watching it.

‘Eli, don’t you have homewor...’

“Homos are freaks, they should be condemned.” Tyler’s head snapped to the TV at the statement; he couldn’t believe the programme she chose to watch.

A part of him wanted to snatch the remote away from her and change the channel immediately, but a part of him, the small part that wanted recognition, wanted to see how she reacts.

‘My god, what a bunch of losers. Can you believe them? And they call themsel...’ She stopped as soon as she caught him staring at her, slack-jawed. ‘Dad?’

‘What?’ Tyler was rooted to the spot, unable to say even one more word.

‘Nothing, can you believe these people? They go about talking shit, and they say that they are speaking for the church? Talk about hypocrites.’ She shook her head and switched the TV off.

‘Yeah.’ He nodded dumbly and made his way to the recliner, just beside the sofa Eli was seated on.

‘Dad, you don’t believe gays are freaks, do you?’

‘What? No, no. I’m just surprised, I didn’t know you had an opinion about them, is all.’ He shrugged, plopping down on the comfortable seat.

‘Oh, well, I believe people have the choice to love whoever they want to.’ She turned to look at Tyler. He couldn’t read her expression and looked away. ‘Dad, I haven’t ever seen you go on a date, or even talk about someone, is that because of me?’

‘What? No.’ His voice rose of its own volition. ‘What brought that on?’

‘I don’t know,’ She shrugged, ‘It’s just... you look so sad at times, and you’re always alone.’ She turned to look at him. ‘I’m not a little girl anymore, dad. I understand these things. You need to have a life too, you know.’

‘Eli,’ he began, only to be cut off by a very determined looking girl.

‘Please dad, promise me you will try. I know I am not “grown up” enough to talk about these things, but I hate to see you like this. Please?’

He could only nod in answer.

She got up from the sofa and walked over to him. Hugging him she whispered, ‘Thank you. I’ll go do my homework now.’

‘Okay.’ He kissed her hand that was still on his and smiled.

‘Oh and, you should call the mechanic, there is something wrong with the fuel pump. The number is on the pad.’ With that, Eli turned and left a confused, hopeful and scared Tyler all alone in the drawing room.

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