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    jian_sierra
  • jian_sierra
  • Author
  • 07/19/2011
  • 561 Words
  • 1,238 Views
  • 10 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Flash Story Collection - 3. She

I love writing prompts. This little piece is for the Creative Prompt 43. Enjoy!

Her laugh broke the silence. Not that Nick needed to hear the captivating sound of her laughter for him to take notice. He saw her from afar as soon as his feet hit the grass; she was a vision of vivacity and cheerfulness, a complete contrast against the gloomy backdrop of the cemetery.

Nick watched her as he moved among the graves and sidled past the great old evergreen tree. She talked animatedly to no one in particular, her arms flailing all around her as she sat cross-legged in front of a grave marker. A light breeze would occasionally lift the long black hair trailing down her back.

Arriving at his destination a few feet southwest of the girl who had grabbed his attention, Nick forced his eyes away from her and focused it on the grave before him. The slight happiness the girl’s presence brought him ebbed the moment his eyes landed on the name written on the tombstone. The familiar sense of loss gripped at him again and as he dropped on one knee to place the bouquet of flowers he brought with him on the grassy lawn, a single tear escaped him. Closing his eyes, he uttered a silent prayer under his breath.

The direction of the wind shifted and as a breeze blew his way, he caught a sweet scent which reminded him of spring in the air. Turning to its direction, Nick’s heart skipped a beat as he found himself looking at a sort of apparition: a beautiful rosy white face with red tinge on both cheeks, long copious eyelashes, full pink lips and black hair that whipped all around her. The only thing that marred the image was the slight frown she wore as she protected her face from the strong gust of wind. After a minute, the wind let up and the spectacle evaporated like magic. But she didn’t look away, her brown eyes roamed every part of Nick she could see.

They locked eyes for a minute, but against his will, Nick broke the eye contact. Averting his gaze, he closed his eyes once more. He opened up his consciousness and searched for his presence. He rarely visits anymore. Nick came here with the hope he might chance upon him. When he felt a presence, he thought he had found him. But this was different; it was her. When he opened his eyes slowly, a worried face came into view.

“Are you ok?” The concern in her voice overwhelmed him. They were nothing more than strangers, yet somehow she cared.

“I’m fine.” The coldness and finality of his voice, brought upon by his confusion, made her step back.

“Oh... well... good.” The redness on her cheeks deepened. “I’ll let you do your thing then.”

She turned to go, but stopped as another breeze blew. The wind brought with it a whisper that was meant for Nick alone. Be happy.

Without a moment’s hesitation, he stopped her. “My name’s Nick and I’m bi. If that’s not too scary for you, I’d like to ask you out for coffee.”

She turned toward him, a sweet smile playing on her lips. “Hi Nick, my name’s Kate. Your revelation is a real ice breaker, just so you know.” Kate eyed him kindly. “I’m not sure why I’m telling you this, but my brother’s gay.”

Thanks for reading. I'd appreciate if you let me know what you think :)
Copyright © 2011 jian_sierra; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 3
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

AnytaSunday

That is SO sweet. I really enjoyed this one, John. I thought the way Nick sees the girl is so warm and wonderful. I like that you explore other types of relationships too, it's nice and refreshing.

 

The girl is sweet, my only concern is if he likes her, will he be torn if he's also as captivated by her brother? Interesting story there, I think.

 

Thanks for writing and posting. :) It read smoothly. :2thumbs:

jian_sierra
On 07/20/2011 02:06 AM, AnytaSunday said:
That is SO sweet. I really enjoyed this one, John. I thought the way Nick sees the girl is so warm and wonderful. I like that you explore other types of relationships too, it's nice and refreshing.

 

The girl is sweet, my only concern is if he likes her, will he be torn if he's also as captivated by her brother? Interesting story there, I think.

 

Thanks for writing and posting. :) It read smoothly. :2thumbs:

Surely you're not hinting at a sort of sequel :P While I was writing this, I had a very specific idea in my head that this was Nick and Kate's story. But after reading this through before posting it, I realized a story can also develop involving Nick and Kate's brother. You're right, it is interesting. But I'll leave that to the reader's imagination. Thanks for reading :hug:
Dannsar

I tell you what ... this a lovely, refreshing little piece. Not done with the usual weary tropes, except for the permission thing, which I think could perhaps have been more of a decision taken than permission granted. I really liked it.

 

If there was anything to make a note about, I think it is that your repeated use of the character's name is pretty jarring and felt kinda unnatural. I know it's pretty important when two or more are involved, to use names, but it wasn't necessary here. I felt that you were trying to get us to inhabit his emotional state through narration, and reference to the more particular 'Nick', rather than 'he' didn't quite work.

 

But I really felt a connection, and a real sense of place. Your description of the woman was more evocative then description which I much prefer. I didn't understand her evaporation though!

 

Lovely piece, Jian.

jian_sierra
On 07/20/2011 06:25 AM, Dannsar said:
I tell you what ... this a lovely, refreshing little piece. Not done with the usual weary tropes, except for the permission thing, which I think could perhaps have been more of a decision taken than permission granted. I really liked it.

 

If there was anything to make a note about, I think it is that your repeated use of the character's name is pretty jarring and felt kinda unnatural. I know it's pretty important when two or more are involved, to use names, but it wasn't necessary here. I felt that you were trying to get us to inhabit his emotional state through narration, and reference to the more particular 'Nick', rather than 'he' didn't quite work.

 

But I really felt a connection, and a real sense of place. Your description of the woman was more evocative then description which I much prefer. I didn't understand her evaporation though!

 

Lovely piece, Jian.

Thanks for your kind words and sorry for the confusion :)
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