Mr. Perfection - 1. Chapter 1

“Maybe that you care?” Sahyl said in a quiet voice, his eyes on the plate in front of him.

Gabriel’s expression hardened. He stood, hands stiff, eyes cool and looked directly at Sahyl’s downcast face. He raked his eyes over the smooth golden-brown skin that he’d spent hours at a time appreciating, the bottomless dark eyes that didn’t look at him any longer. “I apologize,” Gabriel said stiffly, “That I have given you reason to think I don’t care about you. Now, I should leave.” He dropped his napkin on the table and made to move.

Sahyl’s dark eyes flashed upwards, wide and huge, filling his entire face with such lovely innocence. Something he’d never lose, as he seemed naturally disposed to maintaining that innocence whether he liked it or not. Gabriel paused, he never could walk away from Sahyl when he looked at him like that, those dark wide eyes framed with sooty black lashes were impossible to ignore.

“Gabe, wait…” Sahyl breathed.

‘Gabe.’ Oh lord, he’d called him Gabe in that beathless tone of voice. Only Sahyl called him that. Didn’t he know what that did to him every god-damned time? Sahyl was far too beautiful for his own good. He ought to wring his neck for being so damned irresistible. Did he go around talking to everybody like this? Gabriel didn’t like the idea.

“Yes, Sahyl?” Gabriel said, his voice as stiff and cold as ever. He watched Sahyl flinch, then stand and walk over quickly to stand in front of him. Sahyl was several inches shorter and had to stare up into the other man’s amber gaze. Sahyl looked up uncertainly, wanting nothing better than to kiss Gabe’s pink lips and wrap his fingers in that golden hair.

“Gabe, can I kiss you?” He bit his lip. He waited for Gabe to respond but the other just stared at Sahyl as if he were a still-life painting he’d like really hard to bring to life.

“You just broke up with me, Sahyl, I don’t think this is really appropriate.” His jaw was set, his face stony.

Sahyl tried not to let the trembling of his hands show. He raised his hand almost reverently and ran the pads of his fingers across Gabe’s porcelain skin. Then he let it drop and turned his back, saying not a word more.

Gabriel stood for a few seconds, looking at the slim outline of Sahyl as he faced away from him, looking one last time at his gorgeous behind framed so nicely in those jeans. He felt tightness in his chest that he couldn’t acknowledge. Then, he looked away finally and walked himself to the door, shutting it behind him with barely any sound.

~*~
Why, oh why had he done it? Sahyl sat in the couch with his face in his hands, trying so very hard to block out the events from earlier that evening but failing miserably. Gabe’s face: hard, set-in-stone, Gabe’s footsteps as he walked out of his life: lifeless, reverberating in the seemingly empty room.

He’d known what he was getting into when all of this had begun with Gabe. Of course he had. He hadn’t been aware that he’d fall for the man though, Sahyl admitted to himself. That was where the problem lay. After all, he couldn’t keep seeing someone like Gabriel Thomas who couldn’t ever love him back. Because Gabriel was the heartbreaker, although he never did it on purpose. He just didn’t believe in love and loathed the very word almost. Sahyl never had discovered Gabriel’s reason for such a deep disdain towards love, though.

Gabriel had been upfront with him when they’d met through a company dinner. Sahyl worked in accounting and his boss, being friends with Gabriel had insured the man was invited. Only twenty-five and already a multi-millionaire, he was very much admired. It had been a charity dinner that they’d both been attending and happened to come across one another. One look at Gabe’s tall frame in that dark dinner jacket and crisp white shirt had Sahyl falling deep in lust for him. Gabriel didn’t do serious, he didn’t do commitments. At that point Sahyl had become so enamored that he’d agreed. Of course, no commitment! Sex? Hell, yeah, bring it on! The man was drop dead gorgeous and had the most amazing voice, all deep and low like some character from a spy movie.

Three months later—the longest Gabe had ever stuck to one person--he kept being told by everyone that he shouldn’t really expect more, very much contributing to his feeling of time running out with Gabe. He’d done it tonight, he’d broken it off before Gabe could drop him like a sack of potatoes he’d been forced to carry for far too long. He’d broken it off before Gabe could break his heart.

Why didn’t his heart feel intact then, he wondered.

“I’m-I’m breaking up with you.” He’d told him. Gabe had sat motionless for what seemed like hours. ‘say something!’ he’d demanded.

He curled up on the sofa and fell asleep before he knew it.

~*~
“Yes, mom, I’m perfectly healthy!” Sahyl practically shouted into the phone.

Rowena Malhotra clucked her tongue. “Son, you are lying to me. I can hear it in your voice. A mother knows these things, no?” Rowena Malhotra was many things, but not stupid, and she knew when her youngest son was unhappy just by hearing a word from his mouth. He just lived so very far away, all the way across Canada. Her other sons were more responsible, goofier, lighter perhaps, but less vulnerable. This son of hers was so very vulnerable though he was also very strong like her husband.

“Mom, I’ m fine, really.” Sahyl said, trying to force some cheer in his voice. “How’s Dad doing, by the way? I’ll be coming home around Christmas so he can show me that new car he’s just bought for himself.”

“Don’t distract me, Sahyl. You are aware that never works.” She said disdainfully. “Now tell me, is it something to do with that man of yours?”

“Mom!” He exclaimed, groaning. Just what he needed, his mom butting in with his love-life again.

“What? I’m only asking if there are problems between you.” Mrs. Malhotra said casually. “Sam has found himself such a lovely wife, and I sense something serious between Hari and his girlfriend. I only want you all to be happy and settled down. I have read up on many happy gay marriages, you know?”

Oh, lord. Sahyl rolled his eyes. “Mom, do you ever stop meddling?”

“No, I do not. You are my sons, I gave birth to you and I’m not so westernized that I will let you fly out of the nest and then speak to you once a year alone.”

Funny how she couldn’t do that, but found nothing wrong with gay marriage. His mom was a strange one…. He loved her though and he didn’t hate it so much…all the time.

“Now tell me, Sahyl, what is wrong?” She enquired, breaking his thought.

Sahyl sighed. “Gabe and I broke up.” He finally said, the words bitter on his tongue.

“Oh dear,” His mother said, “Well, to truthful, I can’t say I’m surprised. You are such a flighty one, my dear. You do break up with them all eventually. What was the last one’s name? Ah, Phillip was it? Now, I do wish you’d find some nice Indian boy.”

“We’ve been through this, mother. I don’t judge who I date by their ethnicity, alright?”

“I know, I know. I love Amanda—that’s Hari’s new girlfriend by the way—she’s exactly what I want in a daughter-in-law. It’s just easier when there isn’t a culture gap you know?”

“Yes, I understand.” Sahyl said simply. His mother liked to go off topic a bit.

“Now, I also heard from Salini that Dr. Mehra’s son is gay. He was a terrible handsome young man if you recall?” Ms. Malhotra murmured.

He did. A vague picture of a teenage boy entered his mind. Tall, wide shoulders, sweet smile, nice teeth. What did it all mean anyway? “Yes,” He said, releasing an involuntary sigh. “I do.”

“Oh, dear, you’ve just been through a break-up, I’m sorry. Not that I was suggesting…” She coughed. “Anyway, why did you break up with him?”

“Because I love him,” Sahyl admitted, almost startling himself.

The line was silent. Then his mother’s voice broke through. “You broke up with him because you love him?”

“Yes.” he answered simply.

“Is there something fundamentally wrong with how I’ve raised you? Why did you break up with someone you love? Love, Sahyl, love does not come easy, not the true kind.”

“Mother, I can’t be with someone who can’t love me back. Gabe is incapable of love.”

“There is nothing wrong with you. Who does this man think he is that he cannot fall in love with my son? Give me his phone number, Sahyl, I’ll talk to him. He’s not deserving of you, of course, but someone should teach him a lesson.”

He sighed and a slight laugh escaped his lips. It hurt to laugh. His lips were chapped, he realized. Sahyl’s mother was such a perfect woman to talk to when feeling down. Such blind, full, ultimate faith in the worth and esteem of her sons. It made one’s ego breathe a little.

“It’s alright mom, it’s been a stressful week, lots of problems at the office, and I’ve managed to survive. I’ll get over him.”

“Sahyl, you cannot just let this go. Love, Sahyl, love! Have you learned nothing from what I tell you? Not everyone gets the opportunity to be with someone who truly loves them like your father loves me. Most Indian marriages are arranged. Understand that love is rare and the freedom to express it is not as common as you growing up in such a fruitful nation are lead to believe.”

Her words hurt. Sahyl felt a lump form in his throat. “Mom, you should go work on your book. You said your deadline was soon. I-I have to go pick up some groceries.”

“Alright, you take care though, my son. I worry about you.”

“I know, I will. I’m twenty-five years old, Mother.”

~*~
He didn’t. Oh, he ate, but it was rather lifelessly, whereas before good food was relished. Even heartbroken, he wasn’t about to let his health recede and have bad work performance.

Sahyl put on a smile as he went out for lunch with Steven the next day. It had been a busy morning and they walked over to a nearby deli. Steven was bright and cheery as usual.

“Man, these look good. I’m hungry enough to eat a whole cow!” He exclaimed, gesturing to their sandwiches.

“Yeah, same.” Sahyl said, managing a smile and then a tentative bite.

“So, how’s Danny?” Steven asked nonchalantly, shrugging a shoulder noncommittally.

Sahyl’s expression lightened. Danny was his best friend. They’d known each other for several years now. Steven and Danny had met, and sparks had flown but Danny was a funny guy who was also an evasive player that went through boyfriends faster than a shopaholic went through shoes and bags, and Steven was a sweet and nice and a bit of a goofball. They clearly wanted a piece of each other but Danny wasn’t stupid enough to try something brief with one of Sahyl’s close friends and Steven, well knowing about Danny’s nature, wasn’t quite stupid enough to try anything with the king of players. That didn’t stop the occasional nonchalant comments, questions, and remarks from the both of them that indicated fishing for information regarding the other. With Steven, he expected it, but it surprised him when Danny did it.

“He’s alright,” Sahyl responded finally, “Why?”

“Oh, you know?” Steven shrugged a shoulder. “Just asking how he’s doing.”

“Ah, okay, well he seems alright considering he just broke up with Tanner.” Sahyl said coyly.

Steven paused--mid-bite. “Tanner?” He looked confused. “I thought the new one was Alex something-or-the-other.”

“No they broke up a while ago.” Sahyl said. “He hasn’t been seeing anyone lately. I think he may just have gotten enough.”

Steven chuckled. “Danny? I can’t quite imagine that.”

“I know, but it’s been a month now I think.” Sahyl said as he thought about it.

“A month? Danny has been single for a month?” Steven stared at his plate.

“Mhm…” Was Sahyl’s response. “And I’ve been single for a week…”

“Sahyl…” Steven said apologetically, releasing a sigh and reaching across to grab his hand. “I didn’t mean to make you dredge up bad thoughts. We’re supposed to be having a light, bright lunch! No bad thoughts.” Steven’s blue eyes sparkled as he said the last bit, although, his eye-brows maintained that ‘I’m concerned about you, buddy’ look that some people seemed to be fantastic at portraying.

Sahyl smiled sheepishly. “It’s not your fault; I try not to think about it at all. I do anything to keep myself occupied and to keep from succumbing to despair. I find it’s not as hard to block out thoughts of love if you try really hard, surprisingly. Movies exaggerate everything.”

Steven’s brow furrowed as he took that comment in. “Movies? Oh, you mean how Hollywood films show heartbreak and despair and make it a bit over-much? Yeah, I get you there.”

“And then there’s the weather. It’s too damned cold out.” Sahyl said dejectedly, staring out the frost covered window into the muggy, melted snow covered streets.

“You do love to whine don’t you? Gabe never got tired of hearing you whine though…” Steven trailed off, his pale cheeks turning slightly red, almost as red as his full head of curls.

“Huh…” Sahyl muttered. “He never did, you’re right.” He thought back to the times when he’d sat about with Gabe and muttered nonsense, whined unapologetically, and Gabe only smiled and politely responded. He had obviously found it amusing and not irritating. Then Gabe would get that intense, serious look on his face. One that always made Sahyl’s heart beat faster . ‘C’mere, Sahyl.’ He’d say. Sahyl shivered just thinking about it.

“Gabe was the best boyfriend I ever had.” Sahyl said almost to himself.

Steven nodded. “He was a great guy. Hey, you really think there was no-.”

“No, no chance at all. Gabe made it explicitly clear that this wasn’t to be serious, he doesn’t do serious, and he doesn’t do love.”

“Well, no one ever plans on falling in love…”

“I don’t think that’s true. Most people plan on it, it just never happens when they expect it to.” Sahyl said. “My mother always tells me never to give up on love of any kind. And if I ever find that one person for me, I should try my hardest to grasp on to them. You see, I grew up in a family where love is expressed freely and my parents, having such an amazing love of their own, want us to be happy in that manner. Love is never impossible in my world. In Gabe’s world, meanwhile…”

“Your parents?” Steven wondered. “You never told me how they met.”

“In college,” Sahyl replied. “Except, they were both already engaged to marry other people. Long story short, we have to leave soon, lots of drama, two conflicting families, dire threats, disownment, et cetera, et cetera. Then, after months of not contacting each other, my Mother ran away from home and went after my father, demanding for him to marry her right then. They eloped and that was the end of it. Eventually the families got over it, around the time my mother became pregnant.” Sahyl said wryly. They both stood to leave.

“Wow, you have got to tell me the long story sometime.” Steven said, opening the door for him. Sahyl only smiled.

~*~
The next time Sahyl let himself into Danny’s aparetment, it was to ultimate shock. He blinked and the spare key in his hand that belonged to Danny’s apartment slid out of his grasp. Danny and Steven, had their lips locked. Hair caught in hands—he wasn’t sure whose, and bodies slid far too close to each other for this to be a chaste kiss.

The light clink of the key against its chain was enough to jar the two lip-locked lovers. “Sahyl!” They both exclaimed.

“Uh…” Sahyl said, feeling his cheeks heat up. He wanted to just walk right out the door, he was so mortified.

“I can explain.” Danny said.

“It’s fine…I can’t say I’m overly surprised. Just…um…you know what, I don’t want to know.” Sahyl held his hands up. “Don’t share any information with me. One, question, are you two messing around with each other because if you break up, I’m on no one’s side.”

“No, no, no messing around!” Danny was the one who said this! “We--.” Danny grabbed a mortified Steven’s hand. “We’re serious.”

“What--.” Sahyl blinked. “What brought this on?” I waved a hand at their clasped hands.

“You did, Sahyl!” Steven said, still blushing deep red. “The other day we spoke. Well, it moved me, what you said. About grasping onto the one you l-love…” He looked up shyly at Danny, who grinned and winked at him.

“Oh…” Sahyl faltered. “Well…I’m happy for you.” He smiled. “Really I am.”

“Yeah? Glad you are buddy. Anyway, it’s about time you got a new man too.”

“Danny, it’s been two weeks…”

Danny harrumphed and sat on the couch behind him. “Plenty of time if you ask me…” He muttered. Sahyl and Steven ignored him. Eventually Steven shrugged. “He is right you know, kind of. You should forget him.”

“I’m trying. Trust me.” Sahyl felt his face burn and then he walked right out the door without saying goodbye.

~*~
A whole month passed before Sahyl finally took Danny up on his suggestion. Here he was, getting ready for a date and trying to feel entirely optimistic. If he was honest with himself, he was feeling pretty good about tonight. He’d gotten a little tired of his right hand. He didn’t need to get serious with anyone, but sex was always good, so sex it was. And Alonso happened to be a really hot guy. Trust Danny to know such hot people, Sahyl thought, rolling his eyes.

He met Alonso at a little Italian restaurant—go figure—and they had a nice time. Alonso had a faint trace of his accent still, and Sahyl found it so very utterly charming. And yet, he didn’t turn him on like Gabriel did. Gabriel only had to look at him with that gruff, serious way he had and Sahyl felt himself feeling hot.

Alonso was sweet and outwardly charming; Gabriel had been tough and secretly sweet. He’d caught Gabriel staring at him with such a powerful look several times and on anyone else it might have been disconcerting, even predatory, but Sahyl was always aware that Gabriel was just being sweet in the way he could be. He’d cook Sahyl breakfast on Sundays and hop into the shower while Sahyl stood in it, rubbing his body with soap with such a gentle touch that Sahyl always moaned and got hard. Then of course, Gabriel couldn’t ever get enough of him so of course they’d fuck until they were tired. Gabe was away on business occasionally and when he got back he’d fuck him so hard Sahyl yelled out loudly. To Sahyl, it always felt like Gabe was worshipping his body when he did that. Gabe liked sex and he knew how Sahyl liked it, hard, fast, and rough. They’d been perfect together.

Alonso, however, was sweet and definitely boyfriend material, but Sahyl couldn’t work himself up to seducing him into having sex and Alonso was too nice of a guy to initiate something so early. He wasn’t the kiss em’ and leave em’ sort.

“I lost the love of my life to a car accident.” He explained. “He’d been over speeding. I’ve made a pact to always take my time with things after then.” This meant he had endless patience, of course! Sahyl knew how, because of his shy nature and lean bones, he looked slightly fragile and sweet and probably innocent but he was as horny as the next guy and he probably liked sex a lot more. What you see isn’t always what you get.

So, after a long tiring day, an entire month after he’d started dating Alonso, he walked into his apartment, feeling agitated and sore. He turned on the light in the kitchen and rummaged in the fridge for something edible. Nothing but a carton of eggs. Fantastic.

Sighing, he walked into the living area and froze. “Gabriel,” He breathed a second later. Not Gabe, Gabe had been his and this was Gabriel, definitely not his. Said person stood, his black slacks fitting long legs and the sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up, the top few buttons unfastened, exposing light skin dusted with a smattering of hair. A Rolex watch enclasped one wrist.

“Sahyl.” Gabriel cleared his throat slightly. He looked good, as usual, was the first thing that had entered his mind. It had been months since he’d laid eyes on that wide-eyed face. And now those wide eyes were staring at him in bewilderment. Sahyl’s curls looked mussed, as if he’d anxiously ran his fingers through it just now.

Sahyl stood stock-still under Gabriel’s cool gaze. His eyes were too warm an amber for such coolness was a thought that entered his mind. His skin looked just as creamy smooth and Sahyl longed to touch his cheek to Gabriel’s. Sahyl raised his chin a notch, his eyes hardening. “What are you doing here?” Then he remembered that Gabe still had his spare key.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow. “I would have thought that was obvious.”

Sahyl faltered for a second, thinking back and seeing if he forgot anything. “No…” He settled with, meeting his gaze again. “It’s not obvious. Care to explain?”

“Shall we sit down at least?” Gabriel said calmly, perfectly controlled as ever. Sahyl wanted, just once, to get him riled really badly. Mr. Cool, Mr. Calm, Mr. Collected, Mr. Serious and brooding, Mr. Perfect!

“No, actually I would not.” Sahyl said petulantly, crossing his arms across his chest. Gabriel didn’t act like he expected, though his eyes narrowed a fraction. Instead, he smiled, almost causing Sahyl to stumble an inch or so forward. Gabe’s smile was like no one elses… It filled his face like the sun shining through.

Gabe raised a hand indulgently. “Alright, if you prefer to stand…” And he sat down himself rather comfortably, smiling at him with an amused expression on his face. Sahyl only scowled harder and then sat because it was awkward staring down at Gabe like that. Gabriel. He’s Gabriel, remember that.

“Well, if you’ve come to take me back, I’ll have you know that it’s a waste of time…I’m, I’m not interested.” Sahyl said.

Gabriel laughed. Sahyl was too adorable when he tried to act tough and upset. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t seen this side of him before. “Need I remind you, you broke up with me? Also, are you really not interested in me?”

“Nope.” Sahyl scowled.

“I can’t say the same for myself,” Gabriel said, his eyes flicking up to meet Sahyl’s wide ones.

Sahyl’s heart skipped a beat, but his eyes narrowed. “Well, that’s too bad.”

“And why is that? You know, you’re only lying to yourself, if you say you don’t want me…”

“I’m not, in fact, I’m seeing someone.” Sahyl said with a touch of satisfaction. Gabriel couldn’t be doing this, he didn’t understand, and he never would. He had to get him to leave before he made a fool of himself.

Gabriel frowned. Sahyl had the satisfaction of knowing that at least something broke the tough exterior of this tough guy. “I wasn’t aware.” He said simply.

“Yeah, well, not everyone has to tell you every thought they’ve ever had. Get over it.” Sahyl bit back another bitter sentence.

“I never implied they should.” Gabe stood, walked over and pulled Sahyl up by the hand. “Come, Sahyl, we’re so good together.” He murmured, leaning in and running his lips along his neck. Sahyl gasped but didn’t pull away. It had been so long…so long since Gabe had touched him. No one made him feel like this, no one could touch him like Gabe could, both body and soul.

“Gabe…” Sahyl whispered, his eyes shutting as he felt Gabe’s hand slip into his trousers.

“Mmm.” Gabe murmured lightly in his ear while his hand ran along the silky length of Sahyl’s cock. Gabe was quiet but liked to talk when he was turned on, liked to talk during sex. It always made Sahyl go wild. Gabe pumped faster and Sahyl clutched his shoulders while he moaned.

“No,” Sahyl finally said. “No.” And of course it took that one word to get Gabe away from him.

“Is he that fantastic that you can say no to me like this?” Gabe asked, his words differing from the collected tone he maintained.

Gabe may be an ice sculpture but he definitely wasn’t made of stone. Sahyl said the one thing he knew would crack him. “Yes.” He hissed. The next second, he dragged Gabe over to him by his tie and kissed him. And then the inevitable was breached because the second Gabe and Sahyl had taken a look at eachother, somewhere in their minds they knew what it would lead to, because it was always so explosive between them.

He didn’t know how long it took for them to get their clothes off or how long Gabe spent sucking on his nipples, smacking his lips as if he were tasting the most delicious candy and making satisfied sounds like a man long starved and finally being allowed to feast on the one thing he liked to eat the most. He got his lips around Gabe’s thick cock and sucked ravenously before Gabe pushed him off and began pushing a finger into his tight hole. And then paradise re-entered the abode of Sahyl Malhotra as the love of his life pushed his cock into his body. In and out, slowly, staring into his eyes the entire time. Then picked up the pace and began pound into him, whereupon Sahyl found it difficult to keep his eyes open and he shut them tight, groaning with pleasure.

“Look at me.” Gabe demanded gently, his hands stroking over smooth skin, ignoring the feel of the carpet digging into his feet. Sahyl opened his eyes and stared at the fiery amber ones, knowing that not a drop of icy blood filled Gabe at the moment and feeling so utterly thankful for that, he clutched his hair and pulled him in for a kiss. Gabe slid his tongue into his mouth, swallowing his cries. “You like that?” He asked, driving in once, deep and hard. “Mmm,” Sahyl said in response. “You’re not interested, though.” Another thrust, deeper and harder. Sahyl cried his name. “That’s my name. Say it again.” He murmured with another similar thrust and Sahyl cried his name louder this time.

“Gabe, please.” Sahyl said.

“Please, what?” Gabe asked.”You know how it works. Tell me what you want, how you want it.”

Sahyl knew alright, knew how Gabe liked it and knew that Gabe knew exactly how Sahyl liked it too. “Fuck me, please, fuck me hard.” The last word ended on a gasp as Gabe, who’d been still, drove into him deep and fast. Then there was no more time for words as they loved each other after months of not setting eyes on the other. Gabe made him come so hard he thought he saw stars.

It wasn’t akward after, as Gabe got up and pulled Sahyl up after him, leading him into the shower, where he gently soaped up Sahyl’s smooth tan body. It almost felt like before, like there was nothing wrong. Sahyl hardened his resolve however, knowing he couldn’t afford to weaken himself.

“Gabriel…” Sahyl began, feeling tears in his eyes and thankful that the water running down his face mixed in with salty tears.

“Shh,” Gabriel said, placing a kiss on his shoulder as they stood under the water while he tried to identify the feelings coursing through him. He didn’t like when Sahyl called him Gabriel, it always made him feel like a stranger.

After they’d dressed, Gabe in his discarded ones and Sahyl in a pair of light sweats and a t-shirt, Sahyl went into the kitchen. Gabe was frying up eggs.

“Gabe…Gabriel.” Sahyl said hesitantly, biting his lip.

Gabriel turned, putting a smile on his face while inside he felt hard and cold. He was Gabriel again, the stranger. Sahyl looked more like his sweet ragamuffin now with his wet curls and down-turned mouth. His. He liked that. Sahyl was his and no one else’s. “Hello.” He said. “I thought you might be hungry.”

“I already ate.” Sahyl said a little too fast, although the chance of his stomach releasing a loud hungry growl just then was enough to deride that statement. Traitor, Sahyl thought at his stomach. Gabe knew he always got really hungry after sex, damn him!

“I think you should leave, Gabe.” Sahyl said a little sadly. “I don’t know what that was, but this isn’t right. We broke up months ago.” He thought of Alonso, who he really didn’t think of as a boyfriend if he was honest with himself. Truth be told, he felt like Alonso knew that and only dated him because that was what Sahyl expected. He was just being what he felt Sahyl needed.

“What that was?” Gabriel echoed loudly. “What that was, was an example of how amazing we are together and how utterly absurd you were to break up with me two months ago.”

Sahyl was taken aback a little at the passionate tone with which Gabriel said those words. “You think I broke up with you because the sex was lacking?” He asked simply, calm.

It was Gabriel’s turn to be taken aback. Sahyl scowled, he got upset, he threw minor tantrums and he purred like a kitten when touched, but this calm iciness wasn’t like him. “Well, yes. What other reason could there be? After all, we did get together because of sex. You’re the best sexual partner I’ve had, Sahyl and I don’t think it can get better than this. I’ve tried and no one really compares to you anymore.”

“So that’s why you’re back, because you couldn’t get it up for some whore you picked up and you need to get off.” Sahyl shrugged. “Alright, you’ve had your fill. Now, there’s the door.” Sahyl tried hard not to rage, not to let his anger show. Sexual-partner, was he? Not even a partner, not even a friend, a boyfriend, a lover. A sexual-partner. He’d thought Gabe thought a little more of him than that. Sex was all there was to their relationship for him.

“Contrary to what you may think, I’m not that desperate for sex.” Gabriel scowled. “There hasn’t been anyone.”

“I believe that.” Sahyl said coldly, hand still pointing to the door, knowing Gabriel didn’t lie. He let it drop. “Nevertheless, you should leave.

“So, can you honestly tell me I’m not the best you’ve ever had?”

Sahyl grinned frostily. “Yes, I can.” He taunted.

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed. “You’re lying.”

“Why would I lie if I wanted you? What could I possibly gain from that?”

“You met him while you were with me?” Gabriel said instead, he was the one shocked this time, his eyes widened. He took a step backwards.

“Yes.” He said without a beat. He wasn’t lying, he had met him then. “Now, Gabe the sex was great but you really should leave. I’m expecting Alonso later.” He turned around so Gabe wouldn’t see his hands shaking.

“That’s him?”

“Yes, and I call him Al for fun.” Sahyl said sarcastically.

“He’s why you broke it off with me. Is he really so great in bed, better than me?”

That’s all Gabe cared about regarding him. “Yes. Oh and don’t go looking for him to fuck, he’s strictly a top. You know those macho types.” Sahyl turned around again.

“I wouldn’t--.” Gabe broke off, staring at the ground hollowly. “I only want you.”

Sahyl shrugged. “Well, I don’t want you. Will you leave now!”

Gabe looked back at him, jaw hard, crisp white shirt unbuttoned to reveal light hair on his chest. Sahyl swallowed hard. “Okay, then.” Gabe said, returning to the stove to turn it off, the egg having been placed on a plate long ago. “I’ll eat at home. Bye.”

Sahyl nodded. “Have a great life, Gabriel.” He said softly, eyes becoming less cold.

Gabe nodded, swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat as he exited the room. He’d never see him again if Sahyl had any say about it, he knew. He didn’t know why but suddenly the thought of never seeing that innocent face made him feel a sort of misery that was bone deep. Then, he remembered that he was Gabriel Thomas, and he would get over it fast.

After Gabe left, Sahyl stared at the plate of eggs before he frowned and dumped them into the trash. He couldn’t eat those. He’d rather starve.

~*~
“You know, I really think you’re a fantastic guy.” Alonso told him.

Sahyl gaped. “Alonso, I just said I had sex with my ex, not that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“I know, caro. That is not it. You have probably wondered why I do not just take things…further; shall we say, with you?”

“Yes…” Sahyl hedged.

“It’s because I know you don’t really want me.” Alonso said simply. “And I think you’re a fantastic guy but I have enough going for me that I’d rather be serious about someone who does in fact want me.”

“Uh…”

Alonso reached across the table and took his hand. “As I said, you’re a great guy, but this just isn’t working and we both know you don’t want me, not at all.”

Sahyl frowned. “You’re breaking up with me?”

Alonso sighed. “Yes, if you want to call it that. Although nothing whatsoever happened between us. How do you feel about that?” Alonso’s green eyes probed sharply.

“I feel…fine.” Sahyl admitted. “But you’re wrong. I do like you.”

Alonso’s gaze softened. “I know that, sweetheart. We’re friends, no?”

“Yes. Friends.” Sahyl smiled for the first time since he’d walked into the little café to meet Alonso, dreading what he felt he had to to say to him.

“Great. Now tell me about this man of yours.”

“He’s not my man, Alonso.” Sahyl rolled his eyes. “We broke up ages ago.”

“But you just had sex yesterday, did you not?” Alonso questioned, dark eyebrows raised.

“Well, yes, but that’s all we ever had. Well, he at least never thought of me as anything else but a piece of…ass. I, meanwhile, fell stupidly in love with him.”

“Love is never stupid, caro.” Alonso said softly, Alonso’s eyes flicked behind him for a second. There was something there, and then it was gone... “Trust me when I say that love in any form is beautiful. It is the greatest gift you can give a person.”

“Oh puh-lease, you sound like my mother now.” Sahyl rolled his eyes. “Don’t give me that ‘love is special’ speech. People fall in and out if it on a daily basis.”

“Look within yourself then,” He said, not fazed. “Do you think you will ever forget this love for him entirely? Oh, of course, time will go on and memories will fade but you will always know that there was a Gabriel and that you loved him, and if you ever see him again that glimpse will be all to open the window again because love never really leaves entirely.”

“Love is over-rated.” Sahyl said stupidly in response.

“Spoken like a man with a true broken heart.”

“My heart isn’t broken. I’d be hard-pressed to imagine how messy that would be.”

Alonso smiled. “It’s just a figure of speech, Sahyl. I’m aware that the heart is an organ that merely pumps blood to the body.”

Sahyl sighed. “Well, what do you want me to say? I know, okay, but he doesn’t feel very much for me, much less love.”

“Well, have you asked him that?”

“No. He’s like a block of stone.”’

“Then I’d suggest you ask.” A cool voice said from behind Sahyl amidst the crowded café. He turned sharply to see the very object of their conversation and then turned back to throw an accusing look at Alonso.

“You knew he was there the entire time.”

“Sahyl--.” He began, but Sahyl cut him off and stood to leave, rushing through the door and unaware of the footsteps behind him until Gabriel called his name.

“Stop, Sahyl.” He grabbed him by the shoulder when he caught up and turned him gently around to face him. Sahyl didn’t look up, didn’t want to look up. He was so mortified; he might just fall over and die from the embarrassment. “Look at me.” Gabe said softly. Sahyl shook his head and continued to stare at the ground. “Look at me.” He said louder this time, with more force behind it. Again, Sahyl shook his head no. “Then I shall have to make you look at me.” He reached and pulled Sahyl’s chin up so his eyes were level with his.

“Am I so horrible that you can’t even bear to meet my eyes?” Gabe asked a little sadly. Gabe was never sad. He was always perfectly collected. Sahyl shook his head no again; his lips chin trembled a little. And then, without a thought to the fact that they were on a public street, Gabe pulled Sahyl into his arms because he couldn’t bear to see him sad.

“Don’t be upset.” He kissed the top of his head. Sahyl clutched at his shoulders while a tiny tear escaped the corner of his eyes and frustratingly stayed there.

“I’m not entirely made of stone, you know?” Gabe said gruffly. Sahyl half-laughed, half choked. Gabe laughed too. “I know, I know. You see, after I left yesterday, I went straight home.”

Sahyl said. “No, Gabe, don’t. I don’t want to know. Just let me leave and pretend you didn’t hear that in there. You don’t owe me anything.” Despite his words, he let himself be held.

Gabe was suddenly angry. “Of course I owe you something.” The fact that Sahyl called him Gabe boosted his confidence.

“No, you really don’t!” Sahyl finally pulled away now.

“Don’t you want to know what I found?”

Sahyl frowned. “What?

“Do you remember our first fight?” Gabe smirked a little. Sahyl flushed. He did…they’d had a major row over something stupid, he couldn’t remember now, and then they’d had the best make-up sex anyone could ask for. He’d literally begged for it.

“Yes.” Sahyl said embarrassedly.

“Well, the next morning you wrote me a little note and left it on the pillow, remember?”

“Uh-huh.” Sahyl said, recalling that he’d left a stupid note telling him he was sorry. He remembered signing it, ‘love, S.,’ after some debate with himself. He frowned now, remembering it and wondering if he’d been in love with him even then without realizing it.

“Well, I’d kept that, you know, put into my brief-case. I didn’t know why but I just liked it a lot. Well, I found it in a drawer yesterday and I discovered why I liked it so much.”

“Why?” Sahyl breathed.

“Because you signed it with love and I liked that. You see, I think I’ve been in love with you from the moment you wrote me that sweet note. That’s why I came here, to tell you that. Your friend told me where to find you.”

Sahyl blinked. “No.”

“What do you mean no? I just said it didn’t I?”

“I’m just a sexual object to you… you never cared for me.”

“Honestly, come on, do you believe that? That’s what I told myself because it’s so hardwired into my brain but when we weren’t together anymore, it wasn’t really the sex I missed, although I missed that too, but It was…” Gabe cleared his throat. “It was, uh the way you…well looked at me, you know. Like I was the answer to your prayers or something, or the way--.”

“I don’t look at you like that!”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about; I do the same don’t I?”

“No!”

Gabe shrugged. “It’s not my fault your face shows your every thought and mine shows none.”

“Gabe you never looked at me like that.” Sahyl insisted.

“You’re making this really hard. I’m not…good at feelings and things, and I’m really not very good at telling people how I feel. I’ve never even been in love before and then this, and you and--.” Sahyl placed a finger on Gabe’s mouth. “Shh.” He said, eyes softening. “I remember. You would stare at me with this dark brooding look. I thought you were thinking about how to best get rid of me.” Sahyl teased. “How was I to know you were thinking…other things?”

Gabe grimaced. “I never thought about ‘getting rid of you’. Not even once. It was you who broke up with me out of nowhere. Even If I justified that you were just important because of the sex, I never contemplated being without you even for a second.” He cleared his throat. “Now it’s up to you if you believe me or not, because believe me I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I spent the entire night being restless with the thought that I’d lost you forever. And that wasn’t something I could bear. Tell me you didn’t sleep with Alonso, actually never mind, it doesn’t matter.”

“I didn’t, no one but you. But, Gabe, that isn’t necessarily love, Gabe, it’s attachement.” Sahyl said a little sadly.

“Why won’t you believe me? Why must you fight me? It hurts, you know?”

Sahyl’s eyes widened. “I don’t mean to hurt you-.”

“Then believe me, god-dammit. There is no definition for love, it’s what it is for every person and you can’t begin to say you know what love should be. I love you because I can’t begin to consider an existence that is entirely without your presence!” Gabe stressed. This was the most animated and passionate Sahyl had ever seen him.

Sahyl smiled finally. “And?”

Gabe faltered. “What?”

“And?”

“I love you. Need I say more?” Gabe said in that gruff tone he loved so much.

Sahyl’s laugh bubbled forth at it. It was too sweet. He launched himself at Gabe, pressing kisses to his face and finally a kiss to his lips. Gabe grabbed his hair and suddenly they were distracted, as they tended to be. Finally it was Gabe who pushed Sahyl away.

“Don’t you have anything to say?” Gabe asked.

“Hmm?”

Gabe was frustrated. “Shouldn’t you say some things too?”

“Things? What things?”

Gabe positively growled. “Sahyl, must you use this time to test my patience. I’m not entirely as perfect as you make me out to be.”

Sahyl’s eyes widened. He bit his lip. “Gabe…” He murmured. Gabe was suddenly distracted by the drag of Sahyl’s tongue across those lips. “Hmm?” He wondered.

“When you get all short-tempered like that, which is rare, it really turns me on.”’

“Yeah?” Gabe smiled, reaching across to take Sahyl’s hand again, running his thumb over the silky skin. “Nice try, but you were saying?”

“Right, I should say some things.” Sahyl pretended to snap to attention. “Well, I realize that my mother was right for one.”

Gabe frowned. “About what?”

“Love, this kind, should be fought for.” Sahyl grinned.

Gabe smiled widely. “You fought so well too…” He said perfectly seriously.

“Shut up.” Sahyl frowned. “I never noticed that before. You’re really good at keeping a straight face. That makes me wonder about other things you said that I thought you were serious about…” He thought for a second.

Gabe groaned. “Oh, God, will you make me wait forever for it or what? Is that to be my punishment for being dense?”

Sahyl grinned. “I love you, Gabe.” He said gently, with a small smile on his face. He was surprised to feel shy saying those words. “Happy?”

“Yes, the happiest.” Gabe answered.

Sahyl frowned. “Then why do you look as if you’d rather have me on your dinner plate?”

They began walking back to Sahyl’s place. “It’s the face I was born with. If you’d like, I could go get plastic surgery done and have then permanently rearrange my face into something that’s pleasant. Perhaps a perpetual smile will suffice?” Gabe sounded perfectly serious as he spoke in that perfectly controlled tone of voice.

Sahyl looked horrified, though he also felt like laughing. “Tell me you’re kidding, please!”

Gabe laughed. “I’m kidding.”

“Thank God. Will you kiss me?” They stopped walking. Sahyl stared up into Gabe’s-now warm-eyes. Gabe smiled and gently, tenderly, reverently, kissed Sahyl’s proffered lips, lingering for a few moments.

“There, happy?” Gabe’s voice was filled with some emotion

Sahyl didn’t answer. Instead he asked, “Tell me something though?”

“Yes?

“Why were you so vehement about not falling in love?”

“That’s a long story that I’ll tell you another time. It has to do with a Mom and a Dad that were horrible to each other.”

“That’s all?”

He nodded. “That sort of thing can scar you for life, you know. Especially when they’re people like my parents. Like one time…nah forget it.”

“Tell me!”

“I don’t want to spoil today.” Gabe said plainly. Sahyl smiled because he knew Gabe cared for him as much as he did.