Sparkling Combustion - 3. Chapter 3

I kept thinking about it for the next two weeks, mulling over and over in my head. I knew I was being a wimp but what could I do? I'd never been in a situation like this before. I still talked to Nathan, in fact we were great friends, but I wanted to be way more than just friends. Laura, josh, Nathan and I even went out together a couple of times and it was really fun.

I even saw Ryan more often since he'd switched out of his English class and into mine. What sucked was that now the three classes I had with Nathan, I now had those classes with Ryan as well. He always smirked at me as if he knew something I didn't. I just ignored him.

Then one day went over to Josh's house to hang out. It was a Sunday and Josh was bored out of his mind and so was I, so we hung out. Laura couldn't be there, some project she said. We both thought it was because the Marissa thing hadn't gone well. Marissa hadn't talked to her since the night of the party about three weeks ago now. Laura tended to get obsessed with people and things, and we both thought it was this situation that was keeping her from being social. She hadn't been her sarcastic and biting self lately. I was beginning to get worried, but only a little bit.

Josh got us some beers and we relaxed in the basement of his house and watched a movie. I can't really remember what it was called, but it was action packed and full of leather and busty women. I think Josh really enjoyed it. I however, did not. In fact I felt like sleeping through most of it, but the violent noises were enough to keep me alert.

We were partway through the movie when the phone rang. Josh ignored it. “You gonna get that?” I asked him lazily, gesturing to the phone in the corner of the room.

“Huh? Nah, let it ring. Who cares?”

I ignored him and walked over to pick it up, “hello, Kirk residence.” My voice was steady, as I was only on my second beer still.

“Yeah, is Josh there? This is Ryan Melbourne.”

I snickered, “Josh it's your Mom calling, she wants to speak with you.” I'd never, ever, in my entire sixteen and a half years, snickered before. Well maybe when I was like three but still that doesn't really count. I really didn't like Ryan and I know the feeling was mutual.

“Who's this?” Pause, then recognition, “oh, Kyle is it? Just give the phone to Josh will you?”

I threw it to him, “Ryan,” I said, and dropped back into the couch. I kept my focus on the movie but I was really listening to their conversation. “Yeah,” Josh said, then smiled, “okay, no it's cool.” He laughed, “really, that sucks. Guess she couldn't handle ya.” Pause, then, “it's all good, come on over. The door's open so let yourself in. kyle and I are in the basement chilling.” He hung up an said to me, “Ryan will be here in about five minutes, that okay?”

I rolled my eyes, “does it matter now? It's not like you thought to ask me before you said yes to him.”

Josh sighed, “Listen I don't know why you two have it in for each other, but he's a nice guy and you're my best bud. Just get along with him alright.”

“I honestly did not have a problem with him before he totally hated on me. I don't even know the guy but every time I talk to him, he says something rude and obnoxious. Frankly, I think he's an asshole.”

“Whatever, I'll tell him to back off, and you do the same, alright. Don't be a drama queen.”

I made an angry face and Josh laughed, “don't pout, come on do it for me, not for him.”

“I am not pouting, and I am not a drama queen.”

“You are so pouting”

“I don't pout.”

“Yes you do. You do it all the time. See you're doing it again.”

“Shut up, you're just trying to--”

“Am I interrupting anything?” It was that voice, that cocky voice that belonged to a body that should be carved in granite. I looked up and saw him smirking, his green eyes glinting and his blond hair messy from the wind.

“Why are you here so soon?” I asked, not caring if I sounded rude.

“I was actually on my cell when I called, in my car since I got It back again. Man, I am so glad I don't have to take the bus to school and back anymore like you losers do. Anyway, I was in the neighbourhood so I decided to drop by.”

“How great of you to grace us with your presence,” I said sarcastically. Both Josh and Ryan looked at me in surprise at my vehemence. Everyone just expected me to be quiet and nice all the time. “What?” I asked, “I don't have to be all quiet and nice all the time to strangers.”

Ryan looked at Josh, “By golly gee, I think the boy's come out of his shell.”

“Fuck you.”

“You wish,” he smirked, and I wanted to smack him for looking so god damn perfect.

“Yeah, right.”

“Guys relax. Quit acting like a bunch of freaks and just watch the movie. Remember what I said, Kyle?” Josh looked pointedly at me, and I blushed. We watched the movie in silence for a while. But someone had to ruin it sooner or later. Better later then sooner.

“What a freak.” Ryan muttered after a while, as I let out a loud burp.

“I heard that,” I called from across the room.

“Well, it's not like I was trying to say it in secret or hide it from you,” Ryan yelled back.

“You know what, go fuck yourself and die.” At this point Josh had just left the room

Ryan laughed, “wow, what a girl.” he got up.

“No I mean it, just die.” I too got up

“What the hell is up with you, you're always so shy and quiet and all of a sudden you're this weird, talkative guy.” He seemed puzzled.

“Hey, dim-wit, I've never been shy or quiet. I just never have anything to say to people at school. I'm pretty loud and talkative, just usually it's with people I'm close to or know pretty well.”

“like Nathan?” His eyes flashed.

“Yeah, like Nathan, Laura and Josh. You don't know shit about me, just like the rest of half of the fucking entire student population.” I told him. I really didn't talk to people I didn't know like this.

“Then why are you being so talkative with me if you aren't close to me?” His eyes flashed.

“I'm saying this to you, because you think you know everything, and you're rude to me for no reason. Well you know what, fuck you, and don't say you wish, because I've already heard that and I really don't wish.”I lied. I wasn't going to tell him he was a hot piece of ass and I'd like nothing better than to do just that.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I just told you dumb-ass.” I said.

“I really don't care though, so shut up , whatever your name is.”

I laughed, “Don't play that game with me, Ryan. You know full well what my name is. I don't know what your problem is, but leave me alone.”

“Whatever. Just shut up.”

I ignored him.

When Josh walked back to the room, I heard a sigh. “There really is a god, because I’ve been praying for you two shit-faced twelve year old girls to shut up.”

I glared at Ryan, who did the same to me. And that's pretty much how we greeted each other from then on. At school we acted as if the other didn't exist, but when we were forced to hang out because of our mutual acquaintance Josh, we just gave each other death glares and battled with stupid words.

I have to say it was pretty juvenile and I felt stupid afterwards, but I couldn't help it. He made me so angry!

~*~*~
I eventually gathered the courage to talk with Nathan about what happened the night of the infamous (to me) party, but it didn't go so well. Not exactly how I planned it. It was the day it snowed for the first time that year. We were out skipping English together and it had started to snow. Nathan was fascinated by it and was grinning from ear to ear. I stood watching him, his expression of joy making me happy. I didn't know why I wanted him so much. It had become almost like an obsession. I don't think it was physical attraction, because more and more, I began thinking of him as a friend. Still, I wanted to be with him like crazy. When I told Laura this, she explained to me with her woman's logic that it was the idea of Nathan that fascinated me so much not the reality of him. That I didn't really want him in a romantic way, at least not anymore, not like before. She said that now, I just wanted him to sate the fantasy I had created in my mind of what being with him would be like. I honestly didn't know whether she was right.

I was sick of wondering though and I’d made my mind up of talking to him about it the night before. Indeed, what was the worst thing that could happen? “See, it isn't that cool is it?” I asked Nathan, gesturing to the snowflakes.

“What are you talking about? I love snow.” He grinned like a ten year old boy on Christmas morning; his cheeks were slightly pink from the chill of the wind.

“Remember our bet?” I asked him.

“Oh yeah, I am so gonna win now.” He grinned, “and you're gonna have to eat those pears.”

“Yeah...” I said, trailing off as I looked into his eyes. There was a momentary silence and I knew I had my opening. I didn't want to waste any time. “Nathan,” I began “I really have to talk to you...”

His face was serious now as he looked intently into my eyes as well, “what is it?” He swallowed.

“I-I don't know if you remember or if you just don't want to talk about or even if it was a mistake, I really need to know, alright. Otherwise I wouldn't have brought this up-”

“Kyle--” he began, but I silenced him, “No,” I said, “let me continue. There was a party like two and a half months ago and it was like the first week you were here, do you remember?” He nodded, “well, that night I was really drunk and I didn't have a clue what I was doing. We found each other and we were just joking around and laughing and then we kissed, and spent the rest of the evening making out. I didn't know how to deal with it the next morning, but you didn't remember so I just ignored it. I really want to move on but I need to know if you... I need to know...”

Nathan was definitely serious now. “Okay, listen. I do remember what happened that night, I remember it clearly. It was the best thing that happened to me in a long time.” My heart jumped at his words. “Since then I've deduced that you're probably gay and that the whole thing between Laura and you isn't legitimate. But, Kyle I really am not ready for a gay relationship. I am gay, I will tell you this much. But I think of you as a friend, and honestly what happened that night was...a mistake. I-I...you're like my best friend, like my brother. I'm sorry but I just can't think of you that way. That night was--”

“A mistake.” I murmured, finishing his sentence. I dropped my eyes to the soles of my shoes, feeling about two inches tall. He placed his hand on my shoulder, “I'm sorry about messing with you like that, I didn't know you'd taken it so seriously. I thought It was just...a joke. I wasn't serious or anything. I'm sorry, bud.”

“No it's okay, I was stupid. I just kept thinking about you and that night and I just...got ahead of myself.”

“I just got out of a rocky relationship and I'm not looking for anything like that, besides you're like my brother...” Nathan trailed off.

“I understand,” I was really uncomfortable now, and embarrassed. Fuck this was stupid! I am an idiot. He wasn't even attracted to me. Why would he be? He was fucking gorgeous and I'm...I'm just plain old me. “Listen, I'm going to head in. I have to..Uh-get something.” I looked down.

“Kyle don't be this way. I don't want to ruin our friendship. Besides, you still have to try and get me to eat those peaches.” He insisted.

“I'm not being any “way”, Nathan. I just need to think. I don't know if we can be as good friends now, but I'll try. And I am going to make you eat those peaches.” I told him, forcing a smile.

“Alright,” he grinned, “good to hear.” He looked at his watch, “I gotta head in anyway, so I’ll see you later alright?” I nodded and he gave me a one arm hug. I stood there as he entered the school, cursing myself. God I was a fool! After a few moments of standing and walking around, I shook my head and made my way into the school.

I was looking down at the ground and didn't see the figure leaning against the door until I approached. “Skipping English again?” Ryan.

“Fuck you.”

“Hey, what did I do? I'm trying to be polite,” I looked up at him and didn't know whether or not to take him seriously.

“Whatever, yeah I’m skipping. What do you care?”

“Hey, relax. It's just boring in English lately, not having anyone to make a fool out of and all.” Ryan said with a smirk.

“I thought you were being polite, but I guess we both knew you weren't.” I said, since I didn't know what else to say.

“Your boyfriend, Nathan, ditch you?”

“Fuck you and he's not my boyfriend.” I know he couldn't hear what we'd been talking about. “Shouldn't you be heading back into English class right about now?”

“I walked out. It was so boring.”

“Whatever.” I walked up and was going to head inside but he was blocking the doorway with his back. I raised an eyebrow. “You want to move or what?”

“I think I'm comfortable right where I am, thank-you very much.” Those dimples flashed again, and I didn't know whether my desire to kiss him or punch him was stronger.

“Is it me or do you look more angry at me then usual? Did something happen with lover boy? Did you two have a fight?”

“You know what, I don't know why I even bother,” I turned around and began making my way around to another entrance.

“I guess I hit a touchy subject,” he called.

I did one last thing before rounding the corner; I turned my hand around and gave him the finger.

***