Dead Dog Couloir - 3. It's All Downhill From Here

“Tell me what you think is going on, Seth. Seriously, I’m worried about you.”

Seth looked like he wasn’t going to answer at first. Then he shook his head. “I think the couloir took more out of me than I expected. I’ve never felt as exhausted on a hike as I did when I reached the ridgeline. And we weren’t even at the summit. I was wiped out.”

“You probably had some oxygen deficit. Once that happens it’s hard to get ahead, you’re just going to struggle for the rest of the climb. How are you feeling now?”

“Better than before. Not great. As long as I’m not moving, I’m fine.”

“You’ll do better as we get to lower altitudes.” Aaron gave Seth’s knee a shake. “Ready to get going?”

“Aaron?” Seth had a beseeching look on his face. He grasped the wrist of the hand that held his knee. Aaron braced himself, wondering what was coming. After a moment, Seth relaxed his grip. “Would you get a photo of me up here? Even sick, I want evidence that I made it to the top.”

“Of course.” That wasn’t what Seth was originally going to ask, Aaron was sure. But he didn’t push, instead pulling his boyfriend to his feet. Seth levered upward, his slender body bumping Aaron’s heftier one. He looked into Seth’s green eyes, struck by both the youthfulness and maturity there. Impulsively he planted a quick kiss on his lips, before Seth pulled away.

Once the photos were done, they made their way down the southern slope, in the opposite direction from how they had ascended. With relief, Aaron saw that Seth appeared steadier on his feet as they descended. Getting back to the truck should be a breeze from here. The trail for the return route was easy; the weather was good.

After a 500 foot elevation drop, they were at the saddle with Grays Peak. Another trail met with theirs to form a T intersection. Instead of ascending to the Grays’ summit, they’d take this path back to the trailhead. The two of them paused and looked out over the snow covered amphitheater formed by the slopes of the fourteeners.

A half dozen or so skiers could be seen on the far side of the bowl. The trail cut through the bowl’s mid-section, like a cross-country ski path cutting through a black diamond ski run. Farther down, a parallel path leading out of Steven’s Gulch and back to the trailhead did the same. One option was for them take this upper path to the other side of the bowl and then follow a never-ending series of switchbacks down to the lower path. The second option was Aaron’s preferred method of descent. A glissade. Simply picking a point along the upper trail to slide down the mountain to the lower trail.

“Look. Mandy and Gene are just ahead.” Aaron picked out Mandy’s bright pink, orange and yellow jacket moving along the trail.

“Gene was waiting for Mandy at the summit.”

“What?” Aaron looked at Seth but only got his profile. Like Aaron had been, he was looking out over the bowl.

“When you got to the top of Dead Dog, you asked why I hadn’t gone with Mandy to the summit. Gene was waiting for Mandy. She went on ahead. I was waiting for you. So I stayed.”

“Seth.” Aaron reached out a hand but dropped it without touching him. “I know that’s why you stayed. But I didn’t think about how bad the wind would be on the ridge and how cold you would get being the first person up there. I should have thought ahead. I should have told you to keep moving if it was cold.”

“You think Mandy’s a good climbing partner, don’t you?”

Aaron sensed he was being led somewhere with that question. “Can we finish this conversation when we’re off the mountain?”

“It’s just a yes or no question.” Seth slanted a look at him.

“I think she’s acquitted herself well on this climb.” Aaron said the words cautiously.

“Then, you’d like to climb with her again.”

“Seth, just tell me what’s bothering you.”

“You didn’t notice when I made it to the top of the ridge. You were looking at her, laughing about something. I raised my ice axe, waved, but you didn’t see me. Finally, I huddled down and did what I could to get out of the wind. You like her, I can tell. If you’d met her first, you’d be dating her instead of me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Sure it is.”

“No. What’s true is that I owe you an apology. I am sorry for getting mad at you when I was really mad at myself for getting you into a bad situation in the first place. And I am sorry I didn’t think to celebrate with you when you got to the top of Dead Dog. You’re right. I was distracted and I was having fun with Mandy. But that doesn’t mean I want to date her or that I’d rather be with her than you.”

“Maybe you should be with her. She’s really in to all this mountaineering stuff.”

“You’re into it, too.”

“No, Aaron. I’m into you.” Seth stepped onto the trail.

After a moment, Aaron fell in single file behind him. What had Seth meant by that? He didn’t like climbing? That couldn’t be true. Aaron had seen the triumph on his face when he summited a particularly challenging peak, the look of awe as he took in the views from what felt like the top of the world. All these months, he couldn’t have been pretending to like this sport just for Aaron’s sake.

The sun bore down, glaring off the snowfield. Seth was going at a good clip now, obviously recovered from his earlier illness near the summit. His boyfriend really did have a sleek, compact body – perfect for Aaron. He couldn’t help admiring it as Seth hiked in front of him.

Wiry. Defined without being chiseled. Dark hairs on his legs and though his chest was mostly smooth, his body hair expanded and thickened in the most interesting way as you moved down his torso. Aaron shook his head to bring himself back to the problem at hand.

“Seth, hold up! We should stop here if we want to take the short way down.”

They both hunkered down on the snow, deciding to imbibe one last snack before the next leg of the hike. The skiers were out of the way, choosing to make their runs at the far end of the bowl.

Seth squeezed cream cheese from a packet onto a bagel. A few paces ahead of them, Gene and Mandy had stopped as well and looked like they, too, were enjoying a quick meal.

“I’m really into you too, you know.” Aaron broke out a flask of water with electrolytes and sucked it down. “I’d be into you even if you didn’t come climbing with me. So you don’t have to -- all these weekend excursions -- you don’t have to come along.”

Seth handed him half the bagel. “I have fun, Aaron. But the truth is that I’d never have gotten into this if it weren’t for you. And if we broke up, hikes like this would only be an occasional thing. I wouldn’t seek them out on my own. I’m not like you. Not like Mandy for that matter. I think she’d do this no matter who she was dating. I think you recognize that about her. That’s why you like her.”

“You’ve been thinking that all morning, haven’t you?” Aaron started getting a glimmer of what was bothering Seth. “When I said Mandy was the type of girl I would have dated? You’ve been thinking about that ever since!”

“Well, what did you expect?”

“I expected you to realize that I’ve fallen for you!” Aaron shook his head. “Seth, when I was telling you that Mandy was my type, I was thinking to myself how totally comfortable I am being gay, being out as a gay man which is how everyone sees me when I’m with you. I can’t imagine giving you up for her. Giving you up for anyone. She is what I would have looked for in a woman, but I’m not looking for a woman. You’re everything I want. You’re everything I need.”

“But you never said anything!” Instead of sounding relieved or happy, Seth sounded angry.

“I shouldn’t have to!” Aaron chomped his bagel, swallowed. “Hasn’t it been obvious? We spend all our time together. We like a lot of the same things. The sex is great…”

Seth was quiet and Aaron couldn’t tell what he was thinking behind his sunglasses.

A few yards ahead, Mandy was waving to get their attention. “We’re taking off! See you at the trailhead!”

Aaron waved back, wishing them luck, then watched as Mandy and Gene launched themselves down nature’s snow slide. Mandy’s whoop of exhilaration echoed back at them as she picked up speed.

Seth continued to give Aaron his profile, staring down the mountain. Finally, he ventured a question. “So you’re saying that you’re not bisexual anymore?”

“Why does it have to come down to that?” Aaron wanted to stand and pace but that was impractical given their perch on the snow slope. Why was the bisexual thing so hard for people who weren’t bi to understand?

Seth said nothing more and finally Aaron took hold of his ice axe. “Let’s get off this mountain.”

They double checked that everything was strapped tight then sat down on the snow. Aaron knew from experience that his butt would feel like a block of ice by the end, but a glissade was still the most fun one could have on a descent down a mountain.

“Remember, we only want to slide about 2/3 of the way down. Just far enough to reconnect with the Steven’s Gulch trail. If we go all the way to the bottom of the basin, we’re just going to have to climb back up.”

Aaron checked Seth, saw that he had a double grip on his ice axe and had positioned it to help control his descent. “Let’s go.”

Side by side they pushed off. It had been several days since the most recent snow fall so the top layer was crunchy. The descent was quick and Aaron put pressure on the pointed staff so that it grabbed the snow and slowed him down. In his peripheral vision, he kept an eye on how fast the intersection with Steven’s Gulch trail was approaching when he suddenly found himself flat on his back in a near free fall.

Ice. He heard Seth yell just as his body hit a bump and spun so that he was angled head first down the mountain. Still on his back, he reflexively curled his limbs in, bringing the ice axe diagonally across his body. With a lurch he twisted his body and rolled onto the top of it. He was still shooting down the icy slope but he was feet first now and on his stomach.

“Self-arrest! Self-arrest!” He heard Seth yelling the instructions even as he tried to performed the action. He bore the full weight of his body onto the axe, trying to force the sharp end of the pick to catch the slab of ice. This slowed his descent, but his body continued downward. He pressed harder, instinctively trying to find purchase on the slick surface with the toes of his boots, the hard ice bruised his knees as he sought to press himself ever closer to the mountain. Finally he came to a complete stop. He expelled a couple breaths, heart thundering in his ears. He was face to face with the mountain, hanging on a sheet of rotten ice into which the pick of his ice axe was buried. Everything in his visual field was white or grey.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he mentally berated himself even as he cautiously expanded his awareness, orienting himself to his location on the slope and looking for Seth. To his relief, he spotted Seth’s green parka about 20 yards to the left and a little farther up the mountain. Unlike Aaron, he was still seated upright and was methodically guiding himself downwards in short slides.

When he drew even with Aaron, he stopped.

“The trail’s about 30 feet below you,” he yelled.

Aaron nodded his head to show he understood. He tried to respond but the adrenaline from the uncontrolled fall seemed to have seized up his vocal chords. He took a couple more deep breaths, trying to relax as much as he could in the tenuous situation. Finally he was able to yell back. “Snow or ice?”

“I can’t tell. The light’s too flat here.”

Not that it mattered. Aaron was going to have to drop down the rest of the way. Evidently the icy patch had lain mostly on his route. Seth either hadn’t encountered ice or hadn’t encountered enough of it to lose control. Aaron kicked his boots at the mountain but without crampons, there was nothing to grasp the surface. Cautiously, he shifted his weight to one side, allowing the ice axe to slip out of its hold in the ice. He began to slide. He turned the axe into the mountain again and pressed down. The pick caught.

Good. In this manner, he made his way down to the connecting trail. The ice was old enough or there was enough snow that he was able to grab it with the pick and stop his descent as soon as he picked up too much speed. From the corner of his eye, he saw Seth sliding down at the same rate as himself, keeping an eye on Aaron’s progress from his distance several yards away.

“About half way there,” his boyfriend yelled, and soon after Aaron again came upon good snow. From there, he was able to descend to the Steven’s Gulch trail rather easily. When his feet hit the flat surface of the trail, his legs felt as if he’d just exhausted them in a marathon.

“Are you okay? Tell me you’re okay!” Seth had made it to the trail too and was half running towards him. Aaron held up his hand to halt Seth and started in his direction instead.

“I’m fine. “ Aaron went through a self-assessment as he walked just to confirm that he really was uninjured. “Plus de peur que de mal. More frightened than hurt.”

He tried to smile when he reached Seth but even to himself it felt weak. Seth’s brow was furrowed and his eyes traveled over Aaron. Once he’d assured himself that nothing looked amiss, he grasped Aaron’s jaw. It wasn’t the caress of a lover. He’d removed his glove and Aaron felt Seth’s skin against his own as the other man forced Aaron to look straight at him.

“Tell me the absolute truth, Aaron. Are you hurt anywhere? Anywhere at all?” Seth’s eyes were hard. Concerned, but hard. He wanted the full truth.

“No harm done.” Aaron watched Seth’s eyes soften as he realized Aaron wasn’t holding anything back.

“Another stupid lapse of judgment on my part. That’s why the skiers were at the far end of the bowl. I should have realized…”Aaron began rambling his self-recriminations when Seth cut him off.

“Shut up, Aaron. You were prepared.” He gave his ice axe a little shake. “That’s why we have these, right? We were both prepared, so stop blaming yourself.”

Aaron shut up. Seth was right and he even if he wasn’t, Aaron wasn’t doing them any good with his post-mortem of the experience.

“Seth! Aaron!”

At the sound of their names being yelled from below, the two started scanning the basin. Soon enough, they spotted Gene and Mandy.

“They either overshot the trail or got caught on some ice and couldn’t stop in time.” Aaron observed as he watched their laborious climb upwards.

Seth winced as he watched Gene post hole through the snow. “That’s gotta suck.”

“Not much farther!” Seth yelled encouragement down to the pair of climbers.

They were ascending slowly but steadily. Aaron estimated they would be up on the trail within ten minutes. He and Seth watched in silence. Standing with Seth by his side, he felt a profound sense of peace. It could just be the dissipation of adrenaline from his fall, but he thought it was probably more than that.

“Thank you for talking me down the slope after my self-arrest.”

“Of course,” Seth said. “It was no big deal. You would have made it to the trail even without my guidance.”

“Yeah, but knowing you were there made it easier.”

“I guess,” Seth shrugged his shoulders, watching as Gene paused and waited for Mandy to catch up to him.

“I know.” Aaron pressed his point. “It made it easier because I could hear the assurance in your voice. You weren’t panicked. Your directions were clear and matter of fact. It made the remainder of my fall easier. So thanks. Partner.”

“You’re welcome. Partner.” Seth leaned sideways, giving Aaron a playful nudge, keeping the conversation light. Without a lot of forethought, Aaron decided to try to clear the air from their earlier conversation.

“Seth, I’ve always known I liked girls. Figuring out I liked guys took a little longer, but I’m always up front with whomever I’m dating about my interests. There are differences in being with men or women that go beyond the physical. You’re the first, real long term relationship I’ve had with a guy and what I’ve discovered is that being in a relationship with a man is a good fit. Or, to put it more specifically, being with you is a good fit. I want to be with you, Seth. Not with Mandy. Not with anyone else. With you.”

Seth smiled. Then let out a little laugh. Then a bigger one. Aaron smiled back and cocked his head. “I’m not sure what’s funny?”

“Here you are telling me how much you like being with me, a guy, how the gay thing is really working for you and we’re standing around processing like a couple of lesbians.”

Aaron gave a bark of laughter too. “So, are we good?”

Seth leaned forward and gave him a brief, hard kiss. “Yeah, we’re mostly good.”

“Mostly?”

“I want to get back into some of the interests I had before I met you, before I moved to Colorado and got swept into this whole obsession you have with fourteeners.”

“Hobby.”

“Whatever.” Seth dismissed Aaron’s correction with a wave of his hand. “I want you to tag along in my interests for a while.”

“I can do that.” Aaron drank deeply from the water bottle with the electrolytes and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “Do you have any interests other than shopping?”

“You’re an ass.” But Seth grinned as he spoke. “I’ll think of some. And they will definitely be indoor interests.”

Aaron laughed again, relieved. It was going to be okay between them. “Seth-“

“That was the worst!” Mandy threw herself onto the trail and splayed out on her back. She looked as if she were about to make snow angels. “My legs are spent.”

Aaron broke off what he was going to say in order to greet the other two climbers. “What happened?”

Gene slipped his pack off and dug in it until he found an energy bar. “Completely my fault. We overshot.”

He didn’t look at them, instead breaking off part of his bar and handing it to Mandy. She gnawed off a big chunk and then spoke around it. “My boyfriend’s being a gentleman. I was having so much fun with the glissade, I forgot to watch for the trail. I shot straight over it and didn’t even think to stop until I was almost at the bottom of the basin.”

“I went ahead and followed her down. I didn’t want her to have to climb out alone.”

Mandy made to stand and Gene and Seth, being closest to her, each grabbed an arm and pulled her to her feet. She cast a rueful look over at Aaron and Seth. “Sometimes my enthusiasm gets the best of me. Luckily, I have Gene around to bail me out when that happens.”

“Plus, I had to make up for leaving her behind on Dead Dog.” Gene’s eyes flicked briefly to Seth and Aaron and then landed back on Mandy who smiled up at him. “That was a major miscommunication. I guess I hadn’t really thought through that whole part of the climb.”

Mandy reached out and took his hand. They both still wore gloves, her yellow twining with his black for a bumble bee effect. Aaron had the sudden revelation that Gene was not as experienced a climber as he’d first believed. The man’s lapse of judgment on Dead Dog hadn’t turned out to be critical for Mandy; his imperialistic demeanor at the trailhead probably more the result of nerves than arrogance.

He looped an arm over Seth’s shoulders, giving his boyfriend a squeeze. “What do you say we all get out of here? It’s been a long day.”

With murmurs of agreement all around, they moved into single file to start the hike back to the trailhead. Not too much farther along, the trail widened out, allowing the two couples to walk side by side. From here they would follow the old riverbed back to the car. Normally this section of trail would take no more than an hour, but Aaron estimated it would be somewhat more time than that, given their trudging pace.

Like Mandy and Gene, he and Seth had linked hands, reassured by each other’s physical proximity. Aaron slowed further, allowing some distance between them and the other couple. He had some things to say to Seth and he didn’t want to be overheard.

“Do you think I’m arrogant when it comes to climbing? A pedagogue? A know-it-all?”

“Whoa. Where’s this coming from, big guy?”

“Well, I was thinking about Gene. Most of the day I thought he was just thoughtless, sort of self-important and superior and inclined to engage in a game of one upmanship. Now, I think I was wrong in that assessment. He’s really just a guy who made one mistake – moving so far ahead of Mandy on Dead Dog – and he’s not the most engaging person. But, we all made mistakes today and in the end, he did try to make amends to Mandy. He’s probably not that bad a guy.”

“Clearly not comfortable with the gay thing though.”

Aaron laughed. “Clearly. Dude definitely wants to keep his distance from us.”

“Mandy’s cool though. I do see why you like her.” He rushed his next words as Aaron opened his mouth to protest. “I know it’s just a friendly ‘like.’ Just trying to say that I like her too.”

“And for my original question? Am I arrogant when it comes to climbing?”

“No,” Seth said. “You’re experienced and you share that experience. But you’re nothing like Gene was this morning, snapping out orders and delivering lectures. You’re not like him if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Despite the still heavy pack he carried, Aaron felt some of the tension in his shoulders ease. Seth got him. He understood Aaron and even helped Aaron to understand himself. They continued on in their own thoughts until Seth broke the silence.

“Hey, what was it you were going to say back when we were talking earlier? You said my name just before Mandy flopped back onto the trail and it sounded important.”

Aaron stopped and drew Seth to a halt as well. “I was thinking of asking you -- that is, I am asking you now – how would you feel about moving in with me? My lease is up soon so it wouldn’t necessarily be moving into my place. I was thinking we could look for a new one together, and…see how it goes…”

Aaron trailed off. Seth was facing him and had lifted his sunglasses so that Aaron could see his eyes. Aaron removed his as well and Seth gave him a long, searching look. When he dropped his sunglasses back in place, he had a little smile that Aaron couldn’t quite interpret.

“I’ve come up with my new hobby. The one you’re going to join me in.” Seth made the announcement and grabbed Aaron’s arm, starting to stroll as if he were a southern belle being squired along by Aaron.

“Just now?” Aaron couldn’t help noticing Seth hadn’t responded to his proposal.

“Yes, just now.” Seth leaned into him. “You. You’re my project. I’m going to turn you into a proper gay boyfriend. One who can insert a little romance into the question of whether we should shack up.”

Aaron laughed. “You want compliments?”

“That would be a good start.”

“Well, there’s your smile. I want nothing more than to wake up to it every day.”

“Treacly. Try again.”

“There’s the dulcet sound of your voice when you sing in the shower.”

“I’m in the shower and all you’ve noticed is my voice?”

Aaron laughed. “No. I also noticed how the water sluices off the plane of your back, how it beads on those very fine, very sparse hairs curling down your stomach. And I’ve definitely appreciated your long, hard…legs. Just what I was looking for in a climbing partner.”

“Keep teasing me, boyfriend. I’ll be giving you long and hard as soon as we’re back in Denver this afternoon.”

“So what about my question, Seth?”

“Yes. I’d love to move in with you.”

Aaron stopped and pulled Seth to him for a kiss. Seth’s lips were cold, tasted of sweat and chapstick and both of them sported a sandpapery upper lip. It was one of the best kisses Aaron could remember. He never wanted it to end.

So, is it happily ever after for Aaron and Seth?  How many years do you give them as a couple?  I have my own ideas but I'll leave you to construct an epilogue to suit your taste.
Thanks to everyone who read Dead Dog Couloir.