What Now? - 1. Chapter 1 - Steven tries to figure out what his next move will be.

----- Senior Year of High School, 2013. -----

Steven’s POV:

"God dammit!” I cursed under my breath as I pushed my clothes into my locker and slammed it shut.

It was Monday, November 4th, the first day I went to school after the Halloween party where I accidentally outed myself in front of the whole school. That’s why I skipped classes the next day.

That, and the fact that I had a swollen, bloody nose and a massive hangover.

Luckily, my nose wasn’t broken. It had healed some during the weekend, now it was just a little bruised, and I had two black eyes, but even though those would be gone soon – I’m very healthy – the damage to my ego and reputation wouldn’t.

I sat on the bench of the locker room to finish tying my shoes and thought about all the shit that’d happened to me in the past few months.

First off, moving to this city had been a complete drag. My stupid parents said I ‘needed a change of scenery.’

What a load of crap.

It’s not like moving to another town would change my gayness. Though I wasn’t gay. Or, maybe…

NO. No, I wasn’t gay. Definitely not gay.

Being caught getting a blowjob from a guy doesn’t make me gay, does it? No, it makes the other guy gay, for sure, but not me. I was just horny and there wasn’t a girl around. I didn’t have a girlfriend.

Yeah, that was definitely it. I wasn’t gay.

Too bad for my parents, though. My dad had to ask to get transferred from his job in Malibu to another city, and my mom had to leave all her socialite friends behind to move to stupid Escondido, California – a place I’d never even heard of, to make sure their son was ‘healthy’ and ‘safe.’

Like I said, what a load of crap.

I was healthy, I was safe, it had only been a onetime thing, and I wasn’t gay. The guy was a fag, he wanted it, and I was horny. It was just a matter of getting off.

It’s not like I was even enjoying it. I mean, I was enjoying the blowjob – it was great – but it’s not like I had my eyes open or anything. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that it was a guy, and I was definitely not running my hands through his hair the whole time, thinking about how hot his lips looked sliding up and down my shaft and wanting to kiss him.

It was just a blowjob, and I didn’t even get to finish, since my mom walked in, back from one of her shopping sprees, and ruined the whole thing.

After that, there was a lot of screaming and crying on her part, the fag ran off, and when my dad came home from work, after hearing what happened from my hysterical mother, he too started screaming and demanding an explanation.

I told him it had only been a onetime thing, that it meant nothing, and that it was only because I didn’t have a girlfriend, which was totally the truth, and not just what I thought he wanted to hear.

Anyway, he believed me, but said we still needed to move to make sure I wasn’t ‘corrupted’ – whatever the fuck that meant.

It was two and a half months later and I was not corrupted. That thing with Danny hadn’t meant anything either, it was just an experimental phase, and I was over it. Most guys go through it at some point in their lives, right?

So, anyway, I ended up starting my last year of high school as ‘the new guy.’

I was a very social guy, so I quickly made friends and got accepted into the football team, since I’d played for my other school for the past three years, and even though I wasn’t a genius, I wasn’t doing bad academically.

All in all, the move hadn’t been a total disaster. The new house was pretty sweet. It was big, with a basement I set all my workout gear in, along with my big flatscreen TV and all my videogames and it had a huge pool in the back. But, when I met HIM, everything changed.

Meeting Daniel Morrison was both the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me.

He was the best because he made me feel complete. For eighteen years I’d always felt I was looking for something I was afraid I’d never find, but he made me believe I could finally have it, and when I was with him, I forgot about my mom, my dad, what they wanted for me, and I could just focus on what I wanted, which was Danny.

But that was over.

He was the worst because he showed me how amazing love can feel, and then he yanked it right out of my hands and gave it to that asshole Jake Moss – his arrogant idiot of a best friend who’d apparently been in love with him since forever.

But, what the hell am I saying?! That wasn’t love! Like I said, I was going through a phase, and I was done!

Only problem was… the party last week.

Everyone heard what I said and they figured out I’d been dating Danny.

Fuck.

I need to find a way to fix that.

So far no one had said anything to me, but I’d been getting strange looks all day, people stopped talking when I walked by, and I could hear them whispering behind my back.

AND, the worst of it all was how disgusting those two were.

Danny and his boyfriend.

He’d been showing him around like a show dog, and they wouldn’t stop touching each other.

The little fucker probably already let the big fucker fuck him. Gross. They’re both so disgusting.

If Jake wasn’t so tall I’d walk right up to him and punch his smug smile off his sexy face.

He wasn’t that much taller than me, anyway, only about an inch, since I’m 5 feet and 11 inches tall, but he looked so much bigger, and stronger. His biceps were so big, and his hairy chest, and those abs, and… Fuck!

This was definitely the single worst day of my life.

* * *

I walked out of the locker room seething.

I slung my backpack over my shoulder and made a beeline to the cafeteria.

It was lunch period, so maybe eating something would help me calm down. I’m never in a good mood when I’m hungry.

I realized as soon as I entered the cafeteria the whole line got silent, and all heads turned in my direction.

“What are you looking at?” I asked everyone in line. “Fuck off!”

“Hey!” the cafeteria lady shouted. “Language!”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, and got in line. Everyone went back to what they were doing, and I relaxed a little.

Then they walked in – hand in hand, no less. Fags.

“No!” giggled Danny, that beautiful, heart-warming smile of his, but it made my blood run cold. “That’s not what I said!”

“Yes, it is,” argued Jake’s low, sexy voice. “You said it last night!”

Danny laughed. Again. “You’re taking it out of context.”

Jake laughed then too, but then they both stopped all of a sudden.

I hadn’t looked back at them, and I didn’t need to. I knew they’d seen me, and everyone was silent again, waiting to see what would happen.

Fuck that, I wasn’t that hungry.

* * *

After getting out of the lunch line, never looking back at Jake and Danny, I headed for a table where my friend Carl was sitting.

“Hey, man,” he said cheerily, but I could tell he didn’t mean it.

“Hey,” I replied automatically, threw my backpack on top of the table, flopped myself down on a chair next to him and dropped my head in my hands.

“So…” he said.

I didn’t say anything.

“People are saying you were dating Danny Morrison…”

I didn’t answer.

“… is it true?”

I still didn’t answer.

“Dude, you can tell me if it is, I mean I won’t judge you or anything if you’re–”

I raised my head to glare at him. “Fuck off alright?!”

I realized I’d been a little too loud, and people around us had stopped talking and were looking at me. Again.

I just ignored it.

Everyone looked away, and they resumed their conversations. I’m sure a lot of them were about me.

“Take it easy man,” Carl said, putting one of his huge, heavy hands on my shoulder. “I’m not judging, I’m just trying to understand you. You can tell me if it’s true. Just talk to me.”

I looked into his eyes and I realized he was telling the truth. He wasn’t judging, he was just trying to be a friend.

I also realized for the first time that Carl wasn’t a bad looking guy. He was no Jake Moss, and certainly no Danny Morrison, but Carl Majors had his own thing going on. He was a big lug of a guy – a line-backer for the football team – and he was built like a tank. He wasn’t handsome, per say, but he definitely wasn’t ugly. He was black, 6 feet and 3 inches tall, and had very strong, manly facial features. His lips were so thick and juicy-looking, and his eyes were dark and peaceful. They were nice.

Weird I hadn’t noticed it before.

Just as I was gonna start saying something, someone caught my attention.

“Hi,” said a guy standing next to me. He was holding two food trays. “My name’s Ian. I noticed you didn’t get your food, so I thought I’d bring you some.”

He was about 5 feet and 7 inches tall, real small, light skinned, slim, and he had bright red hair.

“Uhm… thanks,” I said, taking one of the trays from him.

He took off his backpack, set it on the floor, and sat down across the table from me.

“I hope you don’t mind if I sit here,” he said with a smile, and I shook my head. It was only fair, I figured, he’d just brought me lunch. He’d paid for it.

“You didn’t have to buy me lunch,” I said, a little weirded out as I took a bite out of the green apple in front of me.

“It’s fine, really,” he said, biting into his own. Carl just sat silently next to me and eyed Ian suspiciously.

The three of us sat there awkwardly eating our lunches for a few minutes, when Ian spoke again.

“Listen,” he said, looking at me, “Steven, right?” I nodded. “I know what happened at the party last Thursday, and I was thinking if you need anyone to talk to–”

“Why would I talk to you about what happened?” I asked, getting defensive.

Ian looked hurt for a second, but then his face relaxed again. “Because I’ve been there before. I know what it’s like, coming out. I know you’re probably scared, and–”

“What? What are you talking about, I’m not scared! I’m not gay!” Again, talking too loud. “I’m not gay!” I shouted to the whole cafeteria to hear.

“Settle down!” the cafeteria lady scolded me.

Bitch.

“I’m not gay!” I hissed at Ian, but trying not to be loud. “I don’t need to talk to you, cause I’m not a fucking fag like you, so take your stupid advice and shove it up your ass!”

Ian ground his teeth and got up so quickly the chair toppled over. “Fine! Suit yourself!” He hissed back at me and walked off.

Fuck. Now I felt like an asshole.

Even more so.

“Dude… that wasn’t cool,” said Carl, and I just glared at him.

“Fuck you,” I whispered, got my backpack, and walked away from him, making sure to dump the food that stupid ginger bought me in the trash on my way out.

* * *

The next class was the longest of my life. I couldn’t focus on anything the teacher was saying, and everyone kept throwing glances at me and whispering to each other.

What the fuck was I thinking yelling like that in the cafeteria?! Yelling ‘I’m not gay’ would only make people believe that I was and was trying to hide it.

They were wrong, goddammit! I wasn’t gay, I really wasn’t! That stupid Danny just confused me. He fucked up my head. It was his fault – he’d pushed himself into my mind with his perfect ass and gorgeous legs and made me believe I was in love, but the thing was I was just horny.

Yeah, that was it. The problem was I was still a virgin. Who the fuck is still a virgin at 18?! It was ridiculous!

I just needed to get laid. I needed to find a girl and fuck her. That would straighten out my mind. For sure. Problem was, how would I find a girl to fuck if they all thought I was gay now?

Shit. I needed to move again. But then, how would I explain it to my parents without making them think I was gay, ’cause I totally wasn’t, but that’s not how they would see it.

Fuck. I’d just have to stick it out. Show them all wrong. I just had to get a girlfriend.

* * *

By the time the bell rang after my last period, I had a raging hard-on, thinking about that stupid Danny, and I had to take care of it, or else I’d embarrass myself walking down the hallway with a tent in my pants, so I covered it with my books and quickly walked towards the bathroom trying not to look suspicious.

As soon as I got in there, I entered the last stall – the big one. I dropped my backpack and books, whipped out my cock and wrapped my hand around it.

Fuck, that felt good!

I had a nice cock, I thought. It was nice and thick, 8 inches long, and straight as an arrow – as was I. It had a nice shaped head too, wide and pointy at the end – perfect.

The rest of me was pretty damn hot too. I was tall, blonde, had brown eyes, a pretty nice build, broad shoulders, a six-pack, and a girl once said with a face like mine I could be a model. I was a fucking catch. Stupid Danny didn’t know what he was missing.

I started stroking, imagining my fingers were Danny’s full pink lips sloppily slurping on my dick, like I’d tried talking him into doing just a few weeks ago.

Right then, I heard the door swing open, and Danny’s delectable voice filled the bathroom.

“Come here,” he whispered. I stopped stroking. He wasn’t alone.

Fuck, I hoped it wasn’t –

“Come on, baby,” said Jake’s voice, coming right in behind him.

Shit.

“What are we doing here?” asked Jake.

“Babe, you can’t do that to me in public,” said Danny’s sweet voice.

Hold up one second… he called him “babe”?! I tried calling him that once and he acted like I’d slapped him or something.

“Why not?” said the big fucker.

“Because…” There was a pause. Then some light smacking noises. Goddammit, were they kissing?!

Well, there went my hard-on.

“Okay,” Danny chuckled. “Enough. I told you, we can’t do this in public. You gotta stop. Control yourself, Mr. Moss!”

It was Jake’s turn to chuckle.

“Well, look who’s talking, Mr. Morrison! I remember last night you were going to town on my dick. You were all high, slurping on it like it was a lollipop. Why the sudden shyness?”

OH FUCK NO!!! I’d just been jerking off to the mere idea of it, and he got the real thing?!!!

It took all the power I didn’t know I had not to walk out of the stall and beat him to a pulp. The fact that I was still holding my limp dick in my hand with my pants around my ankles probably helped too.

“Jake, you can’t say those things in public!” Too late. I was already scarred for life. “You know I only do that for you. Only you make me crazy like that. I’ll do and say anything you want when we’re alone, but that’s only for you. In public we need to control ourselves. You know, Rachel won’t stop making fun of me as it is, she says you look at me like you’re starving and I’m a steak.” They both laughed.

“Well, she’s right about that. You’re my juicy, tasty, delicious piece of meat, and I’m starving for you.”

More smacking sounds.

By this point I wasn’t even listening anymore, I just went to my happy place, until eventually I realized there were no more sounds, and I was alone again.

There was no way in hell I would be able to get off after that, so I just pulled my pants up, grabbed my things and walked out. I had to hurry if I wanted to catch the bus. My parents had taken my car, and they said I wouldn’t get it back until I ‘earned it,’ so it was either the shitty school bus or walking home.

Whatever did they mean with ‘earning it’ anyway? I was a good son. I always did as I was told, I got good enough grades, I never got in trouble, the only reason I was even playing football was because it was dad’s favorite sport…

I guess they meant when I brought home a girlfriend, so they’d know I wasn’t ‘corrupted.’

Whatever. I was gonna do that anyway. I’d show them all.

I was so distracted by my internal rant that I didn’t see the guy in front of me until I ran right into him.

“Hey, watch it!” he said, swinging around to face me.

Shit. Ian.

He recognized me too, and his hazel eyes widened.

Damn, that was a pretty color. It went well with his red hair too.

“Sorry,” I mumbled, too shocked to say anything else.

His face scrunched up. “Whatever.” He turned back around and started walking again.

“Wait!” I called after him. He stopped, but didn’t turn around. “I mean it. I’m sorry… about what I said to you during lunch.”

I saw him take a deep breath, and then his shoulders sagged and he turned towards me. “Sure, thanks. I gotta catch the bus. Later.”

“Wait!” I ran and stepped in front of him. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want him to leave. I felt like I owed him a real apology.

“What?” he said with a raised eyebrow.

Is it weird that I noticed it was a very manicured eyebrow? And I noticed for the first time how neatly styled his hair was too, combed to the side, and I could see a bit of brown in his roots. Apparently, he wasn’t a real ginger.

His face was so pretty, though. With his big hazel eyes.

Slapping myself mentally for that comment, I came back to the conversation at hand.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just that you caught me completely off guard back there, and, like I said, I’m not a fag, so –”

“What?!” he burst out.

Fuck, he was even prettier angry. There was a fire in his eyes.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Is this your idea of an apology? You’re a fucking closet case, you know that? Get your confused little ass out of my way and don’t talk to me again, alright?! This is what I get for trying to help a sexually confused dumb jock.”

The last he said more to himself than me, but it still hurt. I wasn’t dumb, and I wasn’t confused.

“Why are you still in front of me?” he demanded. “Get away!”

He put both his small hands on my chest and tried to push me away, but – I have no idea why – I grabbed him by the wrists, pulled him into me and kissed him. Hard.

When I pulled away, he was stone-still, frozen in place with his big eyes looking at me like I was an alien.

“What the hell?” he whispered.

I hung my head. “I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry.”

We both stood there not knowing what to say for a few seconds, until I remembered the bus.

“Guess we should both get going before the bus leaves, right?” I asked, not looking into his eyes.

“It already left,” he calmly said, and his voice sounded different. I looked up to see his face and noticed he was looking at me like I was a foreign animal and he was trying to figure me out.

“I was trying to help you,” he said. “Back there, during lunch. I wanted to talk to you, help you through this, but I get the feeling you’re not the talking-things-through type of guy, are you?”

I shook my head no, and he nodded.

“Thought so. We both missed the bus already, so why don’t you come with me for a second? I wanna show you something. It might help you decide.”

I silently nodded and started walking behind him, until I saw we were heading towards the bathroom.

“What are we doing here?”

“Just get in,” he said, and I did.

He went in behind me and locked the door.

“Uhm…” I said, but then he pushed me against the wall and leveled me with his gaze.

I was much taller than him – about 4 inches or so – and he was pretty slim, but all of a sudden, he was in charge.

His eyes wouldn’t leave mine, and I felt really exposed. Naked.

Then, without his eyes leaving mine, Ian started undoing my jeans.

“Dude, what are you doing?” I whispered.

He put his index finger to his mouth. “Shhh,” he said, and then put that same finger to my lips.

Fuck, that was sexy.

“Don’t think. Just feel.”

Then my dick was in his hand, his soft, delicate hand, and it was harder than granite.

I closed my eyes and whimpered.

Yes, I fucking whimpered.

I hadn’t been touched by anyone but myself since the blowjob than landed me in this shithole town, and that had been months ago. Danny never did as much as rub me through my pants.

“Fuck!” I whispered.

“Not today,” Ian said, and my eyes snapped open. What?!

He was smirking, and as I looked at him, he slowly, sexily, lowered himself onto his knees, and he gave my dick one long, slow lick from base to tip.

“Oh god!”

He smirked. He took the head in his mouth. My knees trembled.

“Shit!”

He slobbered all over the head of my dick, covering it in his spit, and then he started sinking it into his throat.

Fuck, this kid was talented! He took me all the way to the base in one slow motion, and I’m pretty sure if everyone hadn’t left yet, they all would’ve heard me scream out in pleasure.

* * *

Ten minutes and the best blowjob in the history of humanity later, I walked out of the bathroom, wobbling on week knees, and a cocky looking Ian walked out behind me.

Once we were at the school gates and realized we were walking in different directions, I finally spoke.

“So… what now?”

Ian smiled. “It’s up to you.”

He turned away and left, and as I stared at his retreating (very nice looking) ass, I was more confused than ever.