A Thousand Nights with You - 10. Old times, new beginnings.

The soldiers drag Grey out by his collar and throw him onto the floor. Glaring flash light shone at him, bruises and cuts visible on his impassive face. He offers no resistance as the soldiers kick him. It’s as if he doesn’t care what happens to him anymore. I’m about to step out from the shadow when Tristan stops me.

"Stay out of this." He warns.

"But he can’t be guilty. I've been with him the whole night." I said.

"None of your business Dan. Don’t get yourself into trouble."

I watch as they beat him up while interrogating. Whatever they are saying, the Colonel doesn't like the answer that he is hearing. I go closer and try to pick up what they say. The Quartermaster reported the items that are stolen; penicillin, gauze, sutures, scissors, anti-sceptic cream… and condoms. The supplies aren’t found on him and they want to know where they are. I turn back immediately.I turn to Tristan and asked.

"What will they do to him?"

"They will chain him to the fields." He said solemnly. I’ve seen the infected people chained like animals out there. It is their punishment for people who breaks the rules.

Even though I barely know him, Grey doesn’t feel like a bad person to me. Why do people kill each other when there are so few of us left? It doesn’t make sense to me. Before Tristan can stop me, I step out from the shadow. I am about to say something but my brother intercepted and spoke.

"Good evening Sir." He salutes the Colonel and greets the other soldiers.

"Good evening Private Reynolds. What are you doing here?"

"R & R, Sir." My brother said, still standing at attention. Some of the soldiers snigger and look at me. R & R means rest and recreation, which is the down time for soldiers who are on deployment. Down here, it means 'fuck time'.

"Get on with it then.” The Colonel said.

I lingered despite his orders. Tristan has to drag me away literally. But I resisted.

"He can’t be the thief!" I said.

The soldiers stop their beatings and look at me.

Fear flashed momentarily across my brother’s face. Ever since the mutinies erupted, the Colonel became intolerant of dissent and people who challenges his authority. I might only be a boy, but questioning his judgment in public only made him look weak. I am treading on very thin ice. He glares at me and warns,

"It’s none of your business, boy."

Tristan puts on his poker face, but his voice is almost trembling with fear, "S-Sir, with due respect, the boy may have some information that may assist with the investigation." My brother knows he has to back me up or I won't give up.

The Colonel eyes both of us with suspicion. I realise the danger I put Tristan by stepping out of line. Not only did I undermine the Colonel’s authority, I also vouched for someone I barely know. The Colonel may not trust me, but he knows my brother. He may think twice about his judgment, or he may suspect us as accomplices.

I hold my breath as he studied my face. Finally, he says,

"Speak, boy."

Tristan gives a slight nod when I glance at him. I swallowed.

"I'm with Grey until twenty minutes ago. I have the point sheet to prove it."

The Colonel reads my record sheet and looks at me.

"If he had stolen it, he wouldn’t have time to stash the supplies." I explained.

He turns to the Quartermaster, a stern looking man with thick black moustache and asked, "When is he caught, Tony?"

"Fifteen minutes ago, Sir."

"You saw him going in?"

"Yes Sir, I radioed you as soon as I saw him breaking in."

The Colonel flash the light at Grey, blinding him momentarily, he asks, "Sergeant Greyson. What are you doing out here? You are not on watch duty."

“I’m… going to visit Elena.”

The Colonel’s stoic face almost look sympathetic, he softens and nods. It seems that both them has an acknowledgement or an agreement about his wife..But I am confused. Didn’t Tristan say his wife is dead?

Then the Colonel turns to the Quartermaster and asks, “If you saw him going in, how do you explain why the supplies aren’t found on him?”

“I… don’t know, Sir. He might have an accomplice. There’s no reason for him to break in.”

“He said he heard someone inside.” One of the soldiers said.

“Impossible, the windows are sealed. No one can get inside.”

"W-What about the A/C vent?" I suggested.

All eyes are on me. Even though Tristan told me to stay low, I can’t let them pin this on Grey. Felicia used to hide from the infected through the vent. Grey might not be lying. One of the soldier sneered and said,

“That’s ridiculous.”

“No, I’ve tried it. Someone my size will be able to fit in." I explained.

Apparently, the Colonel didn’t think it is ridiculous. He ordered the soldiers to search for vents inside. Flash lights shone everywhere. Racks are moved to check behind walls. After a while, they found one on the ceiling, near the walls.

“There’s a boot print on the top of the rack.” One of the soldiers said. We gathered around the rack and watch the soldier remove the vent cover.

“He must have climb up the rack and escape from there.”

“Where does the vent leads to?” The Colonel asks.

“It’s a central cooling system and it connects to anywhere in this building.” Tristan says. He would know. This building was his school after all.

The Colonel ordered Grey’s release and puts a hand on his shoulder. They exchanged a stoic nod before he said to us,

“We have a thief on the loose. No one will speak of this until we hunt him down. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.”

The soldiers said in unison. Before he leaves, the Colonel glanced at me, sending a shiver down my spine. I would rather face the infected than to face him. I have to stop drawing so much attention to myself.

Grey walks with a slight limp as I help him up. I told Tristan that I will find him in his room later. I want to make sure that Grey is okay.

“Are you all right?”

“Why did you save me?”

“You are my friend.”

He looks surprised. He said, “You barely know me kid.”

“You are not an infected. I think that qualifies you as a friend these days.”

He breaks into a quiet laugh and nods. “Thank you.”

An awkward silence hangs over us before he speaks again. “You better get going. You have a long night ahead.”

It takes a while for me to catch what he means. I blushed. “Tristan can wait. At most I’ll give him a discount.”

This time, Grey laughs out loud. It is good to see him smile. He looks so handsome when he does. I envy his wife. I said goodbye to him and walks back. He calls out to me, “I want that discount too!”

***

Day 54

A week has passed and there is no news of the culprit caught. I hardly seen Mark around, there is always an awkward silence hanging in the air when we’re alone. For some reason, we are drifting apart, and it hurts to think about the reason why it is so.

Meanwhile, my chances to escape are waning by the day. There are a hundred and twenty-eight people in this camp, most of them soldiers. At any point in time, most of the soldiers will be on perimeter defence, scout duties and supply runs. A dozen of them, including Tristan, are deployed to secure the school compounds itself. Now that the Colonel knows about the subway tunnel, roving patrols cover that area as well. It’s almost impossible to escape without getting caught.

Besides, the walls are safe here. I have not slept so well since the plague started. The Colonel rules with an iron fist, but no one starves or in lives in fear of the infected. Out there, a million things could kill us. Starvation, cold, diseases, wild animals, neither Jody nor Tristan sound too keen about taking our chances in the wild. Without sturdy walls and weapons, we will never have a restful sleep for the rest of our lives.

Other than the one odd request from a gangly soldier for a blow job – which I’m promptly rescued by my brother – none of the soldiers shows much interest in me. I only have to put up with their leering looks and occasionally lewd jokes. I also start to feel more comfortable being alone with Grey. It seems like he’s only interested to dress me up and pretend that I’m his wife. He did nothing much other than holding me and talk.

“People do have sex with their wives, you know.” Tristan said as he gets dressed for his morning patrol duty.

“I’m not his wife, idiot. Besides, dad would have disagreed with that.” I said.

My brother sniggered and said, “You might as well get on with him. At least one of us gets laid.”

“Oh, shut up.” I throw a rolled up towel at him. As he buttons up his uniform, I ask him, “By the way, I thought Grey’s wife is dead, why is he visiting her?”

Tristan shrugged. He doesn’t know the answer either.

I pondered about the possibilities. Corpses are burnt, not buried here. There isn’t a grave in this school compound. Could that mean she is still alive? Is that why the Colonel suspects Grey for stealing the medical supplies? I recall there is an army medic around, but I hardly can imagine the Colonel would care about sick people. He doesn’t believe in freeloaders.

Then he said, “Why do you care? Aren’t you into Mark?”

“He’s straight. It’s obvious.” I sighed.

My brother snorted and rolls his eyes. “In case you’re blind, there aren’t many choices around here. Even Martha is starting to look hot to me. Who know he might give your skinny ass a shot?”

Then he flashes his impish grin and raises a brow, “Or, you can wear lingerie and some make-up. That might turn him on.”

My face turns purple and I charge at him like a bull, tackling him to the ground. He laughs and subdues me easily, pinning me with his arms.

“How the fuck did you know!” I demanded, struggling to free myself under him.

“Well, I asked Grey how you are like in bed.”

“Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I would throttle my brother if I could get my hands on him. Instead, I give him a good kick in the crotch and watch him whimper.

“Serves you right.” I said as I help him up.

Tristan grumbled and picks up his rifle and gear. “Asshole, I’m just trying to see what he’s up to.”

I feel bad for the kick. My brother is just concerned about me. I punch him lightly on the arms as a conciliatory gesture. He returns the gesture with a smile and walks off at the break of dawn.

It is still a couple of hours before I need to get to the green house. Whenever I close my eyes, I think about Mark and how much I missed him. I kept tossing and turning.

I didn’t want to go back to my room and face him. Our conversations have been awkward lately. Perfunctory greetings, make-shift hellos, a polite nod that should only be meant for strangers, we lost that spark and intimacy.

My friendship with Grey has made him uncomfortable. His reaction reminds me of Tristan’s friends from the Boy Scouts. They try to be civil around gay kids, but it’s obvious that they are uneasy in their company. Mark actually asked me once, if I enjoy what I’m doing with Grey. I could have told him that nothing is going on. But I didn’t. If I say that to get his approval, then I will be living a lie by telling the truth.

I walk down the long, silent corridors alone. The soft blue lights slowly illuminate the dark shadows ahead. Twilight is fading, and my footsteps echo in the distance. My feet move on its own, having no direction or purpose. I find myself walking up the stairs towards the roof top terrace. The glowing sun rises to greet me in the horizon. At the edge of the roof, I find a familiar figure sitting alone.

“Mark?” I said.

He turns around, equally surprised to find me there. He gestured for me to sit beside him. I’m afraid of heights, but my fear of being so close to him is greater. The gentle press between our shoulders, the lingering scent on his shirt, all these are the shadows of the intimate friendship we once shared.

“What are you doing here?” He asks without looking at me.

“I can’t sleep. What about you?”

“I miss the roof top.” He said. We had spent many weeks building our world together at the roof top, growing food, drinking booze, pissing down at the infected. It was the happiest time of my life.

“I miss it too”

He faces the fiery orange sky, rays of light burst through the clouds.

“I’m happy for you, you know.” He said. “You found your family. And you have other friends now…”

He is obviously referring to Grey.

“You have a problem with that?”

“No, not anymore. Grey seems okay. And you are happy. I’ll get used to it.”

His smile is genuine, if not forced.

“Get used to what? Me being gay?” My eyes lowered to the distant ground below. He seems surprised by what I said. Have I misread him all along?

He shakes his head gently. “No. I knew you are gay. Sorry, I didn’t know you thought I’m uncomfortable about it.”

I wish I weren’t so transparent to the world.

“Great. The whole world knows except for me. How did you know?” I asked.

“The way you look at me, when we… jerked off together.”

I want to bury my face somewhere if my legs weren’t dangling forty feet above the ground. Or I can jump down and die of shame immediately.

“I want you to know it’s cool with me.” He reassures me, obviously noticing my embarrassment. Does that mean he’ll jerk off with me again? I turn a deeper shade of red when I think of that.

I nod and pretended to be interested in the clouds.

It’s nice to know he cares, even though I wish there’s something more. But I still didn’t understand why we are drifting apart.

“Then what do you need to get used to?”

He pondered for a moment, looking for the right words to say. I rarely see him sad, but the melancholy has been hanging around him for days. He said,

“You know I’m an army brat, moving from one city to another. Never stay long enough to have a friend. I have no roots. No one really needs me, until I met this girl from college. Her name is Beth.”

I remember the name. Mark calls her name sometimes in his sleep. I thought it was his mother, but apparently not. He looks wistful when he mentions her name.

I fight to hide the disappointment in my voice.

“Someone you like?”

He nods.

I expected it, but it still cuts me. Mark isn’t a senior after all, he is already in college. That puts the gulf between us even wider, age wise and my chances with him. Now that his face looks scruffier and his short hair grows into wild brown curls, he looks more like a college student. In fact, he looks like the mechanic from Lube Rides 2. I curse myself for having dirty thoughts about him even now.

From the corner of my eye I know he’s looking at me. But I avoid his gaze. I ask him softly. “Then what happened?”

“She had a boyfriend. But I still got involved with her anyway.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I felt needed. She was lonely, and she needs me to get back at her boyfriend.”

He looks at me tentatively, as if waiting for me to judge him. But I am sad for Mark, he always seems stoic and independent. I never know he feels so lonely.

“You remind me of myself when I first met you.” He said. “You were scared and lonely. I had a brother too, but he was never there for me. And for the first time, someone needs me for real.”

He looks at me gently. Then he continues.

“When you found Tristan, I saw that he’s nothing like Graham. He cares about you. And I realize you didn’t need another brother.”

I return his gaze and pauses.

“You are right.”

He looks at me, surprised and hurt. He probably didn’t expect me to be so blunt, but I need to speak my truth. My quivering lips threatens to hold in what I’m about to say. I swallowed.

“But I need you.”

And in case he didn’t get what I mean, I add softly,

“I really, really need you.”

It is pathetic, and I sound dangerously close to begging. I threw out all my dignity to make this confession but he said nothing.

He looks stunned at first, digesting the full meaning of my words. A blush, then a warm smile spreads across his face. He puts a hand around me and messes my hair like I’m a little kid.

“Thank you, Dan. I’m really touched.”

Is that all? It is the kindest way to say no to me, but also the cruellest. I didn’t want his protection or gratitude, I want his affections. I will be nothing more than a little brother to him. And that’s all I’m going to get.

All I want now is to run back to my room and wails like an inconsolable five year old, running nose and all. But we share a room now. There’s no place I can cry my heart out. So I have no choice but to swallow my tears along with whatever little pride that remains.

For the rest of the morning, I slave away at the Green House, trying to forget the sharp ache in my heart. Instead of trimming and watering the plants, I scavenge all the trays and wooden crates at the greenhouse, building my algae trays and water condensers from scratch.

“What are you doing kid? You’re not getting any points for doing carpentry work here.” Grace said. She usually leaves me alone, but she catches me in a really foul mood.

“I’m not a kid!” I snapped, hammering away louder than I have to.

She exchanged a look with Martha, who shrugs back at her.

“Want to talk about it?” Martha asked.

“NO.”

She and Grace sniggered and nods at each other. That annoys me greatly.

“What? Can’t boys have mood swings too?” I sulked.

Martha puts on her most motherly voice and said, “There is someone you like?”

Why the hell everyone knows what’s going on with me? Is there no fucking privacy here? Why am I so bloody transparent? If I hammer any harder, the tray is going to break.

I glared at her. As if reading my mind, she says, “I’m a mom. I know these things.”

“It’s not the end of the world you know, getting dumped.” Grace said.

Well it is. And since the world has already ended, that makes it twice for me. Suddenly, both of their smiles fade, I look up and saw the Colonel walking in. Both of them stand up, but I continue to hammer away.

“Why are there so many crates and trays lying about?” He said.

Martha steps in and said, “Colonel Walters, we-”

“I am asking the boy.”

He looks at me, waiting for my response. I look up, showing him a jar of algae, fungus and a bag of seeds. Then I said,

“I’m re-cultivating the crops, Sir.” I added the last word to show some respect, even though it sounded very grudging.

“Why?”

I stand up, straighten myself and answer him straight in the eye, “The crops are wrong for the season, and slow to grow. Spirulina is easy to cultivate, seventy percent protein and has all the nutrients we need. The UN uses it to feed some parts of Africa.”

“I heard about Spirulina. Does it grow in winter?”

“As long as we can keep the water from freezing. But mushrooms and fungus will grow. They don’t need sunlight.”

He nods. “How many people can this feed?”

“If we use the entire terrace and not just the green house, two hundred.”

The Colonel looks at me, his eyes narrow. Martha wants to say something but Grace stops her. Their brows are knitted tightly together.

“I will assign two more men to help you.” The Colonel said.

Before he walks out, he turns around and says, “I hope you know what you’re saying, boy.”

Both Martha and Grace look at me after the Colonel leaves. I take a deep breath and continue to work.

Later in the afternoon, I find Mark and Jody approaching me at the Green House. Of all people, the Colonel had to send them. I can’t even feel sorry for myself in peace.

“Hey.” Mark smiles.

“Hey kid.” Jody said.

I glared at Jody, feeling sore. Both Martha and Grace pretended not to look at us. I take a deep breath and greeted them. I’m not about to look childish in front of Mark.

“You impressed the boss. We are told to drop whatever we’re doing to help you. What do you want us to do?” Jody said.

“Mark will know.” I said softly. We had done this together at the apartment roof top, turning the place into a large algae farm.

All eyes turn to Mark, somehow making him feel embarrassed. Even Martha and Grace stop what they are doing to see his response.

“Erm, let’s start by separating the wood from the metal. I will need a saw as well.”

As Mark gives instruction to Jody, I steal a few glances at him. Then I realize Martha and Grace are looking at me. They look at each other and suppress a grin. Close to evening time, rain starts to pour heavily. The three of us takes shelter in the Green House, using whatever pail there is to fill it up and drink to our heart’s content. Water isn’t free except for days like these. A large canister easily cost fifty points.

We drank to our fill, and Mark surprised everyone by taking off his clothes, wearing only his underwear.

“Like old times?” He smiles and asks me. I nod and take off my clothes as well.

Both of us go into the rain, washing our bodies and wringing the dirt out from our clothes as well.

“You boys are crazy! How are we going to work later soaking wet?”

Both of us danced in the rain, ignoring what he said.

“Oh, what the hell!” Soon Jody takes off his clothes as well and joined us. The loud splattering on the concrete floor drowns our laughter.

We work as long as the sun still shines, even way past supper time. Martha and Grace are long gone by then. Even Jody calls it a day to break for dinner. It’s only me and Mark left behind.

I held down the wooden plank while he sawed. That was the final piece that needs to be refitted.

It is a nice, warm feeling to be so close to him and to do all these things together. I crave his affections, even if he can only offer me crumbs of it. I guess this is why mom says that pride has no place in love; it has been scattered all over at his feet. At least, he is careful not to trample them.

I return his smile. As the last light approaches, Mark says to me,

“Let’s go back and grab some food?”

I nod silently and follow him.

He took out two raw potatoes, and a small can of beer, which is the cheapest thing on the store menu. Unlike Tristan, there are many things he cannot afford. I went to Tristan’s quarters and took some things back for him. When I returned, I find him naked, with his wet clothes hang on the line behind him. We have been naked together countless times, but somehow I feel embarrassed after he knows about me.

I take out the things I brought back for him, playing cool about the whole thing. After all, he might be doing this to let me know nothing has changed between us.

“You should get a spare set of clothes from the Quartermaster. You’ll get rashes.” I said, throwing him my towel to let him dry himself.

“How did get all these?” He asked.

“It pays well to be a whore.” I joked. But he isn’t laughing. I forgot he didn’t know about the truth behind me and Grey. I took out a small bottle of powder and toss it to him. I bought that to plan for my escape, in case I need to hide my scent from the infected. But I need Mark needs to hide his musky scent from me right now.

“Wow, you’re like bloody millionaire.” He smiles awkwardly.

“That’s not all.” I take out a lighter and a small pot, heating up the raw potato by using some dried leaves to start a fire.

“Hot food! I love you, Dan.” Mark exclaimed. Then he looks embarrassed when he realises how it must have sounded like to me. I pretended not to hear what he said, throwing in the potatoes, and an egg I bought yesterday from the store. It cost me a bomb but I craved something substantial. The fire flickers in the corner, illuminating our faces with its warm light. This is as close as I can get to a candle light dinner with Mark.

“Sit here, Mark.” I said as I take out a pair of scissors. I bought this in case I get cornered into sleeping with some weird strangers.

“What are you doing?”

“Cut your hair, you look like a caveman now.”

He smiles and I covered the floor with old newspaper. “Why bother? No one is going to look now.”

I will. I thought to myself. But instead, I said. “It’s safer to keep your hair short, it might give the infected a hold on you.”

I walked behind him and sneezed.

“You might want to dry you clothes. You’ll catch a cold.” He said. It’s not that I feel shy being naked around him, I’m worried I might get a hard on. I politely decline until some of his hair drops as I cut them, and it sticks to my wet clothes. I took them off reluctantly and fling off the hair. I continued to snipping away, taming his wild curls into neat waves and trimming his beard into short stubbles. I went in front of him and lift up his chin, examining my handiwork. Bright green eyes, thick brown waves and stubbles lining his strong jaws and chin, his body and face chiselled from the labour, bronzed under the sun. I can’t help but take a deep breath, he looks so beautiful.

“I’m done, unless you want me to trim the pubes too.” I joked, but I regret it immediately. A moment of weakness made me swept a glance at his full tuft of pubes, crowning his dick that hung way too low. My little grower did not escape his notice. Mark suppresses a grin and pretends not to notice.

At that moment, the door swings open and a head peak in. “Dan, are you there?”

It is my brother. When he sees us standing stark naked together, he sniggered and apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know… I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

I quickly scramble for my underwear and wear them. I don’t know which is worse, staying here to face Mark and explain my woody or leave with Tristan and listen to his merciless taunts. After the apocalypse, this is absolutely the worse day of my life.

Mark didn’t bother with his modesty. He simply sweeps the hair from off his body and from the newspaper, letting his dick dangles freely as he clears the room. He asks Tristan if he wants to join us for dinner, which thankfully, he declines. Otherwise, I will have to face both Mark and my brother.

“What do you want?” I hissed at my brother. As if my hostility will deter him from cracking any jokes at my expense.

“Get dressed. The Colonel wants to see both of us.”