The Road - 4. Part 4

I was woken by a slobbering sound. I cautiously opened one eye. Troy was lying beside me, facing me, and there was a large puddle of what I guessed was both of our vomit between us. Lucky was standing in front of it and was licking it eagerly. The whole thing was so disgusting it almost made me gag.

"No, Lucky, don't drink that," I said. The kitten came closer and rubbed himself against my face. I gently pushed him aside and then poked Troy a little. "Troy, wake up." He suddenly woke up with a start, inhaled sharply and then frowned.

"What the fuck's going on?" he asked drowsily.

"I think we passed out."

"Jesus. What time is it?"

"No idea."

We both slowly got up. My head was pounding and I had a foul taste in my mouth. The table was covered with vomit and there was only a small amount of alcohol left in one of the three bottles. I went to the driver's cabin and looked at the dashboard clock.

"It's 8:16... That's weird, shouldn't it be dark?" I said.

"Maybe it's morning already."

"Is it possible that we slept that long?"

"Apparently."

"On no, poor Lucky. It's no wonder that he's eating our vomit, he must be so hungry."

"Make him some milk, I'll clean up this mess, alright?"

"I should do that. I think that's my vomit on the table."

"It doesn't matter, I'll do it. Don't worry about it."

"Ok, thank you."

I fed Lucky while Troy cleaned and when everything was done we sat down and shared a can of peaches.

"I think I passed out first, so you won," I said.

"The way you look and the way I feel, I'd say we've both lost."

"But we had a good time, didn't we?"

"I guess. I know we were laughing about something."

"Yeah."

"We should take a couple of painkillers, shower and lay down for a while before we move on."

"Can't we stay here for another day?"

"We shouldn't, we wasted a lot of time already. We can rest when we're in California."

"Ok."

We finished our breakfast and after taking some painkillers, a shower and a nap, I didn't feel as bad anymore. We tied the Porsche to the RV and I drove back to the main road. I towed Troy for maybe half a mile and then he honked, so I stopped. I went outside and collected the rope. Troy was beaming at me, which made me grin.

"Drive safely, ok?" I said.

"I don't think so," he answered, laughing.

"At least buckle up. Please?"

"Sure, I can do that."

"Have fun."

"Thanks. Can I have a little kiss for the road?"

"No, maybe later, I still feel nauseous."

"Alright, fair enough. See you in a bit."

I got back inside and started to drive. Troy passed me and then darted off with incredible speed. I grinned and shook my head. He was out of sight in less than half a minute. It had been a while since I had been by myself and it felt kind of weird, but my head was still aching, so I didn't mind that it was quiet for a change. Like last time, Lucky was helping me steer. It was adorable.

Suddenly I saw a big cloud of black smoke rise up in the distance. My heart started to race and I stepped on the gas. I was so worried that something might have happened to Troy that I could barely think straight. It felt like an eternity till I finally reached the spot. And then I saw it. Behind a curve there was the Porsche, in the ditch, burning, and there were a couple of dead monsters lying around it. Tears flooded my eyes and I was filled with panic.

I stopped the RV, jumped out and hurried to the car. I gasped in horror when I saw Troy's completely burned body hanging half way out the window. It looked like he had tried to escape, but then was killed by the explosion.

I couldn't believe it. He was dead. Troy was dead.

I collapsed on the ground, curled up in a ball and sobbed so violently that it hurt. I lay there and cried for a very long time. I should've been worried about monsters, but I wasn't. I didn't care about anything anymore. I just wished I would die too, so I could join Troy in heaven. The thought of going on without him was unbearable. My life was over, I would never be happy again and there was only pain and darkness ahead of me.

But then I heard Lucky meowing, which brought me back to reality. Even though I really didn't want to, I got up. I would've laid there till I had starved to death, but I realized that I had to take care of the kitten. Troy would've wanted me to. I went back to the RV, started a fire and lay down on the floor in front of the wood burner. I was still crying really hard and my whole body was shaking. Lucky walked up to me and snuggled his head against my face, like he was trying to console me. It was so sweet and distracted me a bit. I ruffled his fur and he started to lick my tears away. I thought was kind of gross, but I let him anyway. I eventually turned on my back. He climbed on top of me and lay down on my chest.

My thoughts returned to Troy. There was one thing I couldn't get out of my head. Why did I not kiss him before he drove off? I knew that question would haunt me forever and I would've given anything to go back and do it differently. I also wondered about how the accident happened. Dead monsters were lying around the car, so I figured they must've been on the road and he crashed into them. I became so angry at them and I silently swore to myself that I would kill every monster I'd come across from now on. I fed Lucky and then cried for hours. Finally I was so exhausted that I fell asleep.

I was woken by the kitten meowing at me. For a second I thought it all had just been a horrible nightmare, but then I realized it wasn't. All the pain and desperation came rushing back and I started to sob again. I felt really weak, probably from dehydration, and I knew it would only get worse, so I decided that I had to get what was left of Troy's body inside as soon as possible. I took my gun and opened the door. I saw a monster with a completely charred lower half dragging itself away from the no longer burning car. I limped over to him as fast as I could and emptied my gun into his head.

"WHY?! WHY?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and then sobbed violently.

It took me a while to calm down, but I finally went to the car and started to pull out Troy's remains. He was pretty heavy and smelled horrendous. And then his body broke apart at the waist and I fell down backwards with my arms around his torso. My face contorted and I felt like I was about to burst from all the pain. I wanted to scream again, but I couldn't. Then I heard Lucky meowing from outside the RV. I looked behind me and there he was, standing in front of two dead monsters. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw one of them move a little, so I panicked.

"Lucky, get away from them!" I yelled, but he didn't listen.

I got up and quickly limped over. I pointed my gun at the monsters and pulled the trigger several times. I was so out of it that I had forgotten that it was already empty. I wiped away my tears and bent down to pick up Lucky. That's when I realized that there was another body under the two dead monsters, I just hadn't seen it before, because I was crying so hard. Suddenly my eyes widened. I recognized the shoes. They were Troy's! I frantically pushed the monsters aside and there he was. I quickly checked his pulse. He felt cold and looked really pale, but he was still alive! I took a hold of him and dragged him to the RV. When I had finally managed to get him and Lucky inside I covered him with a blanket and started a new fire.

I didn't dare to get my hopes up yet since I didn't know how badly he was injured and if he would make it. I was really terrified, because I couldn't imagine losing him all over again. It soon got dark, but I stayed by his side the whole night. I silently prayed for him and kept my hand on his chest. It must've been early morning when he suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Troy!" I gasped and kissed him on the mouth. When I backed away he smiled at me weakly.

"Hey there."

"I was so scared," I said shakily, almost in tears.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. But don't you ever do anything without me again, you hear?"

"I won't, I swear."

"I love you so much Troy," I said emotionally and gave him another kiss.

"I love you too."

"Now, where does it hurt?"

"Mostly my head. I think I have a concussion."

"Oh no, poor thing... You can't die from a concussion though, can you?"

"You could, but mine's not that bad."

"But you passed out. I'd say that's pretty bad."

"I'll live, I promise."

"You better."

"By the way, you look awful."

"You have no idea what I've been through. I thought you were dead. I was devastated. I cried all day."

"Jesus. I'm so sorry."

"What happened exactly?"

"There were freaks on the road, I crashed into them, lost control of the car and drove into the ditch. A freak climbed in through the window on the passenger side, so I got out and stabbed it. There were two more and I barely managed to kill them, cause I felt really fucking dizzy. I decided to hide under their corpses in case I'd pass out, which I did."

"I probably would've left you there if it hadn't been for Lucky, you know? He found you. I thought the monster in the car was you, I even tried to drag it inside."

"Why?"

"To bury you."

"Can you imagine if you hadn't found me? I'd be stranded in the middle of nowhere right now and you'd be driving around with a dead freak."

"What would you have done?"

"I would've spent the rest of my life trying to find you again of course. We should agree on a place where we meet up in case we'll ever get separated for some reason."

"But you just swore to me that you'll never leave my side again."

"Still, you never know, so let's say the Hollywood sign in LA."

"Ok."

"Now, how about we eat something? I'm starving and you look like you're about to pass out."

"I'll make the bed for you down here first, so you're more comfortable."

"Why? What's wrong with our bed?"

"It's too strenuous for you to climb up there."

"No it's not."

"Please?"

"Fine, but I need a shower, I reek."

"No, I'll wash you with a cloth."

"Cody, it won't kill me if I take a shower."

"Better safe than sorry."

"I'll be quick, I promise."

"No, Troy."

"I'll stay in bed after that, deal?"

"Ok, but don't lock the door, in case you faint."

"Alright."

He sat up and immediately contorted his face in pain.

"Oh no, Troy!" I said, deeply concerned.

"I'm fine, I just got up too fast, that's all."

"I'll get you some painkillers."

After he had taken a couple of pills he went to the bathroom with a set of fresh clothes. While he showered I made the bed, fed Lucky and then started to heat up two cans of meat loaf. When Troy was finished he lay down. Lucky meowed, so I picked him up and put him on the bed. He ran to Troy, climbed on top of him and made himself comfortable on his stomach. Soon the food was ready and I prepared a plate for the both of us.

"I'll feed you," I said.

"That won't be necessary."

"Come on Troy, you have to save your energy and I already let you shower."

"Holding a fork is hardly strenuous."

"Please? It would make me feel a lot better."

"Alright."

I smiled, which made him grin and we started to eat.

"By the way, do you have more bullets for my gun?" I asked.

"Yeah, a few. Why?"

"I shot a monster."

"Seriously? Congratulations. About time... But wait, that took you six bullets?"

"Well, kind of. I saw the monster that had caused your accident and just lost it. I kept shooting it till the gun was empty."

"We should keep the shells as a souvenir."

"I don't know. I'm not really proud of doing that."

"But I am. The bullets are in the front pocket of my backpack, just put the shells in there when you get them."

"Ok."

"Where would you have buried me?"

"Some place nice, under a tree, on a hill maybe."

"And what would you have done after that?"

"I would've gone to California, as planned."

"I see."

We finished our meal in silence.

"Now you have to rest," I said.

"But I'm not really tired."

"Troy, don't be difficult, you need to recover as fast as possible."

"What's the rush?"

"I need you to make love to me."

"You do?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes, because almost losing you made me realize that we can't waste any more time. Taking it slow just doesn't make sense in this kind of world. We should live every day like it's our last, because it very well could be."

"Alright, but I'm not sure I'm ready to get fu... made love to yet."

"You don't have to be. I don't want to make love to you first anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I trust you and I love you too much to do something to you that you're not comfortable with."

"I'll be so fucking careful, I swear."

"I know."

"I think I'll take a nap now," he said, grinning, and I giggled.

"There you go."

"Come here."

I cuddled myself against him and he laid his arm over me. We soon fell asleep. We were woken by Lucky meowing in front of the bed. I helped him back up and he lay down on Troy's stomach again. He must've just done his business, because he started to clean himself.

"Do you think he's pleasuring himself?" I asked.

"No, animals usually don't do that, except monkeys maybe."

"Why not? When he discovers that it feels good why wouldn't he keep doing it till he eventually climaxes?"

"Cats' tongues are very rough and even if they weren't, he can't suck his dick, he can only lick it and I doubt he could make himself cum just by doing that."

"I bet I could make you climax just by licking your penis," I said and immediately felt my face get warm.

"I don't know, maybe, but it would probably take a while."

"Do you want to try it sometime?"

"Sure, definitely."

"I wish we could try it right now."

"Hey, if you're horny I could play with my dick a little and you could jerk off."

"No, Troy, eww."

He frowned.

"What do you mean 'eww'?"

"I can't masturbate my penis in front of you, that's private."

"After all we've already done, you're embarrassed to let me see you jerk off?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"Because you're not supposed to do that in front of someone or even talk about it."

"That's bullshit. What about in high school? That's all teenage boys talked about where I grew up. And it was normal that you'd jerk off with your friends. Hell, a bunch of guys in the back row even did it during class a couple of times."

"No, that can't be true."

"I swear it is."

"I read about this boy once who got filmed pleasuring himself in a bathroom stall and the video went viral. He was bullied so badly after that he eventually killed himself."

"That's just crazy. Where I come from the guy who made the video would've been bullied for being a fucking perv, not the boy who jerked off. But he must've had some other issues, cause no one kills himself over something so stupid."

"It's not stupid at all. I would've insisted on being home schooled. I never would've shown my face in public again."

"Jesus, what's the big deal? I would've been like 'That's right, bitches! Look how big my fucking cock is!' I mean, who hasn't jerked off in a bathroom stall before?"

"I haven't and getting caught doing that is a very big deal, because, as I said, it's something very private."

"You should do it in front of me, so you'll see there's nothing to it."

"No way."

"What's the worst that could possibly happen?"

"That I do it wrong and you laugh at me and I die of embarrassment?"

"Jesus, we have to work on that. Maybe you could do it under the covers at first or I just won't look and then we'll go from there."

"No, I'll never masturbate my penis anywhere near you, so let's talk about something else, ok?"

"Come on, you have to get over yourself. You'll be thanking me in the end. Now get your dick out."

"Troy, I just told you that I won't insist on making love to you first and now you seriously want to force me to do something I'M not comfortable with?"

"Oh... I guess you're right. I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"By the way, you weren't out in high school or college, were you?"

"Kind of. I didn't advertise it or anything, but a couple of people knew and if someone had asked me I would've said yes."

"And you didn't get beaten up or bullied?"

"No, not at all."

"That's so backwards. Jerking off, which 98% of all boys do, was taboo, but sucking dicks and taking it up the ass was alright?"

"I told you, being gay is not all about sex. No one minded gay people, but if someone had caught you giving another guy oral pleasure you would've been considered a pervert and would've become an outcast."

"At my school you would've gotten beaten up every day if people found out you were gay. This new guy winked at me once and I gave him a black eye. It wasn't my proudest moment, but I kind of panicked, cause if someone had seen it and I wouldn't have punched him we both would've been fucked."

"I don't believe you! That's a hate crime!"

"Hey, he was lucky it was me, someone else would've told the whole school and then he really would've been in trouble."

"Poor guy. That could've been me, you know?"

"No, I wouldn't have hurt you, I would've been too dazzled by your beauty."

"Don't try to sweet talk your way out of this. Did you commit any other hate crimes?"

"Jesus, no... Well, I smacked this girl once, but I felt really bad about it afterwards, cause I gave her a bloody nose. I didn't mean to of course, but chicks are just very fucking fragile I guess."

"Oh my god, you hit a girl?! Don't you have any decency?! You never hit a girl, ever! I'm appalled!"

"So you'd never hit a girl or woman, under any circumstances?"

"No, of course not!"

"That's just plain stupid. What if she's trying to kill you, how would you stop her?"

"Did that girl you hit try to kill you?"

"That's not the point."

"No, tell me, what did she do to deserve being hit?"

"She spat in my face."

"And why did she do that?"

"Well, I was standing there with a couple of guys and the girl walked by. One of the guys yelled, 'I can smell your cunt' after her and we all laughed. She thought it was me and spat in my face."

"That's still no reason to hit her!"

"Come on, what kind of girl does that anyway? And she could've given me hepatitis or something, you know?"

"Stop defending what you did, there's no excuse Troy."

"Does that mean you think less of me now?"

"Yes it does."

"Then I guess we're even."

"Hardly."

"Give me a break. I was a very different person back then. You can't judge me for something I did almost ten years ago. I'm a good guy now, right?"

"You murdered two people and tried to rape me not even a week ago, so you shouldn't expect to get a halo any time soon."

"Fuck you! It must be really fucking nice to be so damn perfect!"

"I'm a better person than you on any day, by a million miles!"

"Don't you think I fucking know that?! Do you have any idea how hard I'm trying to be good enough for you?! But I'm constantly failing and it's fucking killing me!" he said very emotionally.

"I didn't know that," I replied quietly.

"Now you do."

"You're not failing, you're a great boyfriend and I love you very much, ok?"

"No, I'm not, I fuck up all the time and I hate myself for it. When I crashed my car, for a moment there I was convinced I would die and all I could think was that I deserved it and that you'd be better off without me."

"Where is all this coming from? Is this my fault? Am I not telling you enough how happy you make me? Because I'd be miserable without you. My life was a hellish nightmare before I met you and now I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm grateful for every moment I get to spend with you, ok?"

"I'm sure someone else could make you much happier."

"No, Troy, you're perfect for me, trust me."

"I'll try even harder from now on, I swear."

"Oh my god, are you not listening to me? There's nothing wrong with you."

"Yes there is, lots of things. You just said it yourself, I'm not a good man."

"I was being a jerk Troy, you're an amazing man. Sure you had some rough edges, but you've changed so much, for me, and you care, with all your heart. That's the best quality a man can have if you ask me. So please stop beating yourself up."

"Alright, if you say so."

"No, tell me you believe me."

"I don't know," he sighed.

"What do I have to do to convince you? I'll do anything."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Anything?"

I hesitated for a second.

"Yes, ANYTHING!" I said, determined.

"Would you jerk off in front of me?"

"Of course!"

I unbuckled my pants and opened them, but when I was about to pull them down he took a hold of my hand.

"No, stop. Why is it so important to you that I believe you?"

"Because I want you to be happy and you can't be if you keep putting yourself down like that. So just trust me, ok? Please?"

"I'll try."

"Good. Now let me cuddle the heck out of you."

I clung to him and started to stroke his chest.

"I love you, you know?" he said softly and kissed my head.

"I know. I love you too."

We stayed like that for a while and eventually fell asleep again. When I woke up I started a fire and made some milk for Lucky. Since it was already early afternoon I also opened a can of pears and we shared it.

"I should do the laundry. It's piling up," I said.

"I'll do it if you want."

"You're busy healing yourself, remember?"

"At least let us do it together. You wash and I wring everything out."

"Because you think I'm too weak to do it?" I asked challengingly.

"I am stronger than you, am I not?"

"Maybe a little."

He laughed.

"I just wanna help, that's all. You could also use my stomach as a washboard," he said, grinning.

"You don't have washboard abs."

"Sure I do. Look." He pulled up his shirt and flexed his muscles. His abs became slightly visible. "See?" he said in a strained voice.

"Stop flexing, you're going to break a rib."

He laughed and relaxed.

"I should start working out," he said.

"No, you shouldn't. It's hard enough to resist you as it is."

"Fuck you, I'm not bad looking."

"What?... No, I was serious. You're extremely attractive."

"Oh. Thanks. You're really hot yourself."

"Thanks."

"So maybe I should get less attractive then? I could shave my head and grow a mustache if you want."

I giggled.

"Don't you dare or I'll do that too."

He laughed.

"We'd look totally crazy together. Well, if you even could grow a mustache that is."

I frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean? I could grow one if I wanted to."

"But you're blond."

"So?"

"Most blond guys can't grow a beard, at least not a proper one. It always just looks like peach fuzz."

"Well, I can and now I will."

"No, come on, you'll look like a thirteen year old. That's not sexy."

"You're a jerk."

"I'm sorry, alright? But that you can't grow a beard doesn't make you any less of a man. And besides, I'm least interested in the hair on your face," he said. He reached into my pants and softly ruffled my pubic hair. I quickly pushed his hand away.

"You can't just grope me like that, that's very rude," I said indignantly. He held his fingers to his nose.

"Mmh, smells like sex."

"That's gross Troy."

He laughed.

"I'm getting hard."

"No, quick, think of something nasty."

"Too late."

"No, Troy, imagine a monster with diarrhea."

"Yikes."

"Now tell me what forty-seven times twenty-three is."

He thought for no more than two seconds.

"1081."

"That can't be true." I did the math in my head. It took me at least half a minute to arrive at 1081. "How did you do that so fast?" I asked, frowning.

"It wasn't exactly rocket science Cody."

"What's 7587 times 4135 then?"

"47,391... 843," he said after five seconds at the most.

"What? No! That's impossible. I can't even do that in my head."

"Well, I can."

"You must be a genius or something."

"Just because you can't do it doesn't mean it's that hard, you know?"

"Oh... You really think I might be stupid? I never thought I was, but maybe I am," I said sadly.

"No, shit, I was just fucking with you, I made up the number. You're far from stupid, alright? I'm sorry, that was a bad joke."

"You jerk!" I said indignantly, but had to grin.

"Now my boner is gone. Mission accomplished I guess."

"Good and keep your thoughts clean from now on, ok?"

"Then you can't be sexy, which means you have to wear gloves, a potato sack and a paper bag over your head. And you can't talk or make any sounds... Or move... And you always have to keep a distance, so I can't smell you. Can you do that for me?"

"No?"

"Then I'm afraid it's impossible."

"Or, whenever you get an erection I'll pour a bucket of cold water over you."

"But then I'd have to get up and tickle you till you'd piss yourself. That would be much more exciting than having a couple of sexy thoughts."

"Maybe I could train Lucky to attack the bulge on your underwear when you get aroused."

"That could be quite stimulating when he'd really go at it."

"Eww, poor Lucky. Just don't get aroused, ok? Please?"

"One day you're obsessively trying to get me going and now you're adamant that I stay soft at all cost. I'm so confused."

I laughed.

"Oh no, I feel for you," I said jokingly and stroked his head.

"You know, touching me? Also not a good idea. That right there just made my dick twitch a little."

"Fine, I'll go do the laundry then. You stay put and keep thinking of monsters pooping themselves, ok?"

"Whatever."

I filled two buckets with water, carried them to the shower and then got the pile of dirty laundry. I kneeled down, soaked one of Troy's pants and then lathered it. Lucky came in and curiously watched what I was doing. He scratched the bucket next to me and seemed to like the sound it made, because he kept batting it with his paw. Suddenly he jumped up on the edge, realized that there was water inside, quickly tried to turn around and fell in. He leaped out totally panicked and bolted through the door. Two seconds later I heard Troy curse from the living room.

"What the... Lucky, no!... Jesus."

I got up and went to see what was going on. Lucky was sitting on his chest, licking his fur, and everything around him was wet, including Troy's face. I laughed.

"You couldn't fucking dry him before you let him go?" he said, grinning.

"He fell into the bucket and then high-tailed it out of there quicker than I could think."

"I see."

I handed him a rag from the kitchen.

"Thanks," he said and started to dry himself.

I went back to the bathroom and continued to do the laundry. It took me almost an hour till everything was clean. After I had hung it all up I went to the storage room and reloaded my gun, just in case. When I was done I joined Troy on the bed and cuddled myself against him.