The Road - 5. Part 5

I joined Troy on the bed and cuddled myself against him.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Fine, I guess."

"Do you want to tell me about your time after the apocalypse?"

"What do you wanna know?"

"Everything."

"Alright. Let's see... It all started out on the farm I was working on at the time. At the beginning it wasn't too bad, but then shit happened and long story short, the couple I had been living with for almost a year died. Those were the only two people I ever felt remotely close to, so it hit me pretty hard when they were suddenly gone. Anyway..."

"Troy, could you maybe make a long story not quite that short? I want more details please."

"Sure. So, I eventually had to leave the farm cause it was overrun and from that point on the real nightmare started. Wherever I went there were freaks, I was constantly chased and attacked and I barely ever ate or slept, cause I had to keep moving. It went on like that for weeks and I felt like I was cursed or something. Then one day I came across a small cabin in the woods. It was fenced and had a well. It was like God had finally given me the break I desperately needed. I rested for a few days and then went on longer and longer scavenger hunts. I ended up with quite the stack of supplies. For a while life was bearable again.

Then one afternoon I suddenly saw someone lying on the ground in the middle of the woods. At first I thought it was just a dead freak and kept walking, but then I heard a faint 'Help me', so I turned around and walked over. It was a woman, maybe in her late twenties, thin, slightly wavy, short-ish black hair and I guess an attractive face, not too feminine, but not too masculine either.

She reached out for me and very weakly begged me again to help her, so I kneeled down, took out my water bottle and handed it to her. She drank eagerly and then sat up. She was really pale and looked the worse for wear, but overall she seemed to be in much better shape then you were when I found you, cause her voice sounded a lot stronger already when she asked me if I had something to eat too. I didn't wanna waste any more of my supplies on her if she had been bitten and would turn into a freak soon anyway, so I told her to strip.

Unlike you she didn't seem to have a problem with that whatsoever, on the contrary, she took off all of her clothes, lay down and spread her legs invitingly. I was completely stunned by this, I mean, can you imagine? When I made you strip you looked like you would die of embarrassment at any minute and I felt so fucking bad that I had to do that to you. But not her, it was almost like she was enjoying the attention. And then, on top of that, she asked, fucking smirking, 'What's the matter? Did you already cum in your pants?' I just ignored her and told her to get dressed. She fucking frowned at me and said, 'You're not gonna fuck me? Are you gay or something? Cause you can fuck my ass too if you want.' I was still pretty sensitive about being called gay back then, so that really pushed my buttons and I angrily told her, 'No, I'm no fag, you fucking bitch! Now get fucking dressed!' Instead of backing the fuck down she had the audacity to answer, 'What's wrong with you then? Can't get it up? Maybe I could help. I'm really good at that stuff.' I was about to lose it and I furiously told her that I didn't wanna fuck her, cause her puss-hole probably smelled like an outhouse and I wasn't gonna stick my dick in that shit. It wasn't really why of course, but I just wanted to shut her the fuck up already. She indignantly replied, 'Fuck you. Like you smell any better.' As you know, at the time I couldn't handle being disrespected very well either, so I glared at her and told her to watch her fucking mouth or I would smash her fucking teeth in.

I wouldn't have hurt her, in case you're wondering, I just wanted to scare her. And it worked, she finally caught on, apologized meekly and said that she just wanted to make me feel good and that the offer still stood, in case I'd change my mind. I just frowned at her and shook my head, still shocked by her fucking crudeness. Now that I think about it, she was kind of the complete opposite of you and more like a guy than a woman.

Anyway, she got dressed and I opened a can of beans for her. She wolfed it down like she hadn't eaten in days, but she was smart enough to pace herself and didn't throw up like you did... Not that I'm saying you're stupid or anything, not at all... Let's just forgot I even mentioned that, alright? So, while she was eating she said, 'Thanks, you really saved my ass,' but I only mumbled, 'Whatever' in response, cause it just didn't seem like a big deal to me, you know? She told me her name was Maureen and when I answered that mine was Troy she held out her hand, but I didn't shake it, so she asked, 'You're not a people person, huh?' I replied, 'I'm just no rude-ass nympho slut person.' I know, in hindsight I realize that I was a total douche, but she didn't get offended, she just grinned a little and said 'Fair enough,' and that was that. After a minute she asked me if I was alone and I told her, 'That's none of your fucking business,' cause I wanted to keep my cards close to my vest for as long as possible. She let it go and we didn't talk for a while.

When she had finished her beans I asked her where all her stuff was. She said that she didn't have anything anymore and explained that she was with a group, but they were surprised by a bunch of 'groaners' and she just left everything behind and ran for an hour. Afterwards she couldn't find her camp again and had been wandering around in the wood ever since. Her story sounded kind of odd to me, cause you'd have to be completely out-of-your-mind terrified to run away for an hour. Like you were, when you saw a freak for the first time and ran. That was an appropriate reaction, but she had been around freaks for a while and she didn't strike me as the type who gets scared easily either. On the contrary, if anything she seemed overly confident to me. I didn't have time to really think about it though, cause she immediately asked if she could stick with me. I didn't like the idea, cause I didn't trust her, but what choice did I have? I couldn't get rid of her unless I'd knock her out or tie her up and since there were freaks everywhere that would've been like a death sentence, so I decided to learn more about her. I told her she could stay with me till we'd find her people. Instead of being happy about that she fucking argued that they were either all dead or had moved on by now, but I insisted that we should at least look and she finally agreed. Next she asked if I had more food, which pissed me off, cause she had just fucking eaten. I mean, you didn't ask me for more, even though you were literally about to starve to death. It just felt like she was being totally ungrateful, so I told her to shut the fuck up. She apologized and then defiantly took a big gulp from my water bottle. 'What a bitch,' I thought.

I wanted to get going, so I asked her if she knew in which direction her camp was or if they had passed anything memorable on the way there, like a river or a town. She said that she had no clue, cause they had been in the wood for weeks and she didn't have any sense of direction. She must've noticed that I was getting really frustrated with her, cause she quickly asked where I was going before I had found her. I told her, 'Just south, looking for supplies.' She suggested to do that instead, cause it made a lot more sense than a 'wild goose chase'. That seemed pretty fucking cold to me, so I frowned at her and asked her why she apparently didn't give a shit about finding her group again. She answered, 'I don't really care for people. I'm kind of a loner, so the fewer the better. And you seem to know what you're doing, so I think I'm better off with you anyway.' I thought it was a very strange attitude, cause I considered myself a loner too, but in this kind of world I still would've preferred being part of a group I can trust over having to fend for myself, you know?

I told her that I hadn't agreed yet that she could stay with me, so she started to plead, 'Come on, I don't need much and we could take turns keeping watch at night, so you can sleep for once without having to worry about being woken by a groaner ripping a piece of flesh out of you. And you can fuck me whenever you want. Hell, if you wash your cock I'll even blow you.' It's embarrassing to admit, so please don't make fun of me, alright? But the main reason why I was uncomfortable with the idea of her staying with me was because she was so sexually aggressive and I was afraid she might 'force' herself on me or something. Anyway, after a moment of hesitation I asked her, 'What if you'd get pregnant?', in the hope that it would maybe change her mind about letting me fuck her, but she fucking said, 'Then you'd just have to punch me in the stomach real hard.' I was pretty shocked by her crudeness, I mean, Jesus, but in a very weird way I could also relate to it somehow."

"Troy?" I interrupted. "If you did anything sexual with her, please lie about it, ok?"

"I didn't."

"Are you lying right now?" I asked and looked at him sharply. He laughed.

"How about you just let me finish the story?"

"Fine."

"So, we decided to head south. When we started walking it looked like there weren't any freaks close by, but I still would've preferred that we didn't talk, cause you know how it is, you can never be too cautious and you're never really safe, especially in the middle of the fucking woods. She didn't seem to care though and asked me about my job before all went to shit. I told her that I had been a farm hand and she replied that she was a mechanic, a great one too, which really surprised me, cause I had never heard of a female mechanic before. I thought it was quite intriguing, but then she asked me about my shotgun, if it was mine or if I had found it, which immediately rubbed me the wrong way again. When I told her it was mine she said, 'I know a little bit about guns and that thing is a beauty. Can I look at it for a second?' It didn't exactly raise a red flag for me or anything, but it definitely pissed me off, cause first she wanted more food, now she wanted to touch my shotgun, it just felt so fucking inappropriate, you know what I mean? So I replied, 'The closest you'll ever get to it is when I smash it into your fucking face for annoying me, you got that?!' That shut her up for a minute, but then she asked how many shells I had for it. I told her 'Enough to blow you to Kingdom Come ten times over.' She still didn't seem to get the fucking message though and asked me where I had found the food and water. I glared at her and answered, 'What's with all the fucking questions?!' She innocently replied, 'I'm just curious,' like she didn't know exactly what the fuck I was talking about. I said, 'Well, don't be, cause I'm starting to get annoyed and I already told you what happens then!' Completely unfazed she answered, 'Fine, sorry,' and that was the end of it.

By the way, you're probably wondering why I didn't even want her to hold my shotgun for a second, but then later I handed you my gun on the first day without any hesitation. Well, that's simple, I didn't trust her, obviously, and I'm not sure if I trusted you right away either, but I figured angels don't kill people, so I wasn't really worried and honestly, I wanted to keep you safe so fucking badly I wouldn't even have cared if you had shot me.

Anyway, we didn't talk for a while and after a couple of hours of dodging and killing freaks we finally reached a small town, but it was completely burned down.

Maureen suggested that we should find a place to stay for the night. I asked her, 'In a burned down building? Are you fucking stupid or something?' She rolled her eyes at me and replied, 'No, I was thinking more like a car.' I was pretty embarrassed and only mumbled, 'Yeah. That could work.' I guess it served me right for jumping at the chance to put her in her fucking place so quickly, but she was just driving me nuts. On the one hand her attitude really annoyed the shit out of me, on the other hand however a part of me kind of respected her for being so strong-willed, which was totally messing with my head and only made me wanna choke her even more. Not literally of course.

Anyway, we looked around and eventually found an old van. I was about to smash in the window when she stopped me. She claimed that she could get us inside and asked for my knife. I reluctantly handed it to her, but pointed my shotgun at her at the same time. As before she rolled her eyes at me and said, 'Boy, you have some real trust issues, don't you?' I didn't respond and tried to look indifferent, cause I didn't want her to know that she just pushed the right fucking button, again.

She broke the grill in the front of the van, took it off, reached in and suddenly the hood opened. I raised my eyebrows. 'Impressed yet?' she asked, grinning, and winked at me. I thought to myself, 'Fuck you, you smug bitch!' and replied, 'How the fuck does that help?' She just told me to wait and see, then she handed me back my knife, pulled out the dip stick you check the oil level with and went to the door on the driver's side. She forced the stick into the top of the window, levered it down a little, then bent the stick at the tip with her foot, pushed it back in and pulled up the door latch. 'Tada,' she said and smiled at me, but not the way you smile, that makes wanna kiss you all over your face and hold you for hours and tell you how insanely fucking in love I am with you. No, the way she smiled it made me wanna smack the teeth right out of her fucking smug-ass mouth.

The worst part was that the whole thing did kind of impress me, but of course I couldn't let her know that, so I dismissively responded that we could've been in there five minutes ago. She replied that we would've been if the van had an antenna, which immediately raised the question for me of why she was so good at breaking into cars. When I asked her about it she explained that it was just something you pick up in a shop. I nodded like I didn't care, but deep down I was really jealous, cause being able to break into cars could've made my life so much easier and not just after the apocalypse.

We got into the van and I rolled out my sleeping bag. It reeked pretty badly, cause I had never washed it. I was kind of embarrassed about it and was hoping she wouldn't say anything. By the way, thank you for never complaining either.

Anyway, instead of lying down she offered to take the first shift and asked for my shotgun again, which really riled me up, cause we had already been over this and the fact that she was ignoring what I had told her made me think that she was disrespecting me on purpose, so I angrily replied, 'Do I stutter bitch?! You're not getting my fucking shotgun!' She apologized, but it almost sounded like she was fucking annoyed with me, and then she suggested that she would just wake me when she'd hear a 'groaner'. I told her that I would keep watch and that she should just lie the fuck down and go to fucking sleep already. She didn't seem very happy about that, but finally agreed.

She stripped to her underwear and bra, opened the sleeping bag, and got inside, but didn't cover herself up. Instead she looked at me seductively and softly fucking asked, 'Why don't you join me for a while?' At that point I really had it with her, cause since I had made it clear that I wasn't interested in her sexually the only reason I could think of why she would do this was to fuck with my head and to make me uncomfortable, which she accomplished, so I replied sharply, 'I'm not fucking you! What the fuck is wrong with you?' Suddenly she started to cry and said, shakily, 'Please, I haven't been touched in so long I don't even know what it feels like anymore. I swear you'll have a good time and I'll do whatever you want, ok? I just want for someone to be glad I exist, at least for a little bit.' That completely caught me off guard and you know how I feel about crying, so it really got to me and I felt like such a douche.

I consoled her and then nothing else happened. The next morning..."

"Oh my god, Troy, now you have to tell me what happened," I said.

"I thought you didn't want to know."

"Yeah, but you suck so hard at lying that you just made it obvious that something did happen. So tell me, before I start imagining the worst."

"Fine, but don't forget that you asked for it, alright?"

"Ok, I won't get mad, I promise... No, wait, that's not true, I already am a little mad. The only thing I can guarantee you really is that I won't hit you... in the face."

He laughed.

"Fair enough.

So, as I said, I felt like a douche. I told her that I wouldn't fuck her, but offered to hold her hand and asked if that might help. She weakly nodded, so I lay down beside her and she clung to me. I guess I kind of liked the feeling of her warm body against mine, but it was nothing compared to how you make me feel. When I have you in my arms it's like you're radiating pure happiness and saturate me with it. And I always have to think of this song by Aerosmith, cause I can't get enough of this feeling and I wish it could last forever. It's the worst at night when it's time to go to sleep. I hate it so much that I have to close my eyes, cause I don't wanna miss a moment with you... Fuck that sounds cheesy... But it's true.

Anyway, after a few seconds she stroked my chest and moaned, 'Mmh, this is so nice. You're such a strong, handsome man.' Then she lifted her head and tried to kiss me, but I quickly turned away. I told her that I didn't want that, but she pleaded, 'Come on, I'll make you feel good,' and rubbed my dick through my pants. I was pretty uncomfortable, but I also started to get hard and then she moaned, 'Uuh, that's quite the cock you have there.' I know you don't wanna hear that, but in my defense getting hard was more like a knee-jerk reaction than anything else, I'm sure even you would've gotten hard, so please don't be jealous, alright? And I immediately told her to stop, but she begged me to let her massage my dick and promised to make me happy, so I thought about it. I didn't want her to touch me like that, but I figured that for all I knew she might be the last attractive woman left on the planet and she was throwing herself at me, so to reject her would be kind of crazy. Before I could make up my mind she just opened my pants, pulled out my dick and started to jerk it. At that point I couldn't stop her anymore, it just felt too good and it only took about twenty seconds before it was over."

"Oh my god, Troy, how could you? Please tell me she dies in the end," I said indignantly.

"No Cody, we're still together. She's been secretly following us in the van and every night I sneak out and fuck her."

My eyes widened.

"What?!" I said, totally shocked.

"Jesus, I'm kidding!"

"I know," I replied, embarrassed.

"Do you want me to go on?"

"Fine, but if you'll get an erection I'm going to lose it."

"I won't, don't worry.

So, she had just jerked me off. I wanted to offer to rub her puss-hole in return, but I was afraid she'd make fun of me when I wouldn't know how to do it right. Before the silence could become awkward she said, 'You can have that any time you want and whatever else you're into. I'll do anything you ask of me, just let me stay with you, ok?' I'm not proud to admit it, but she had worn me down. As you know, at that time I was still convinced that I was totally straight and she seemed like the perfect woman to me, so I decided to give it a shot and try to be with her. When I told her so she smiled, kissed me on the cheek and said, 'Thank you. We're gonna be so happy, you'll see. You won't regret being with me, I swear. And don't worry, we're gonna take it slow. I know your type. You're one of those guys every girl dreams of, a true gentleman. That's why you don't wanna fuck me yet, isn't it?' I only replied, very hesitantly, 'Yeah... that's right.' That wasn't the reason of course, but back then I was so deep in denial about my real feelings that I was desperately clutching at this straw she was offering me and for a minute there I even believed it myself. I mean, the alternative would've been to admit the truth and that was a can of worms I just wasn't ready to open yet. And she got really excited about it and said, 'I knew it. I'm so lucky. I could cry for joy right now. Let me show you how good you make me feel,' and then she pulled my dick out again. I tried to tell her that she didn't have to do that, but she just shushed me and started to jerk me off, slower this time. While she was doing it she moaned, 'That's the hottest cock I've ever seen. I can't wait to have it inside me,' which, weirdly enough, kind of turned me on... Oh shit, no, I'm sorry. What I meant to say is, it did not turn me on whatsoever, on the contrary, it grossed me the fuck out. Anyway, soon I came... but did not fucking enjoy it, at all, and after she had cleaned me with her shirt she cuddled herself against me.

She suggested that we should stay in the van for a while and asked me how much supplies I had left. I told her, 'A couple of days' worth,' but that we could stay at the cabin I had found in the woods instead and that I had food and water there that would last us for months. I know what you're thinking, how the fuck could I trust her so quickly? I'm not sure myself actually. Maybe it was her emotional desperation I responded to, cause it was something I understood and that I felt connected us somehow. And also the way she was carrying herself, always in your face, even though underneath she was broken. Like me... Anyway, he was really excited about the cabin and asked me where it was exactly. I explained that it was kind of hidden and that I had only found it by accident, but that I would show her the next day. She stroked me under my shirt and said, 'I could keep it nice and clean and I could wash your clothes and cook. I could be a model wife if you want me to.' She paused for a second, looked up at me and then asked, 'Do you?' It must sound crazy to you how fast we were moving, I mean, we had just met hours ago, but to me it was almost too good to be true, cause there was no lovey-dovey bullshit to deal with, instead we were just cutting right to the chase, which I was all for, so of course I told her, 'Yeah, sure,' without really having to think about it. By the way, with you, I fucking love the lovey-dovey bullshit.

Anyway, next she asked me, 'What about kids? Do you want any?' I didn't have to think about that either, not even for a second, and I answered her with a very determined 'Definitely,' cause it had always been a dream of mine to have kids. She asked me, 'How many?' and I told her that I wanted at least two. She smiled and replied, 'I'm sure we'll have the most adorable children.' I agreed with her and the thought made me happy. At that point I was completely taken by her and was already picturing having a family."

Hearing Troy say those things made me really sad all of a sudden and my eyes started to fill with tears, so I quickly got up.

"Excuse me," I said quietly.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Troy asked, concerned.

"Nothing," I replied, but my voice broke, so I hurried to the bathroom, locked the door, sat down on the closed toilet and stopped holding back my tears. A moment later Troy knocked.

"Cody, please let me in," he said, but I didn't answer. "Alright, please open the door or I'll kick it in in three seconds. One... Two..."

I unlocked it and he entered. I didn't look up at him, so he went down on one knee in front of me.

"Why are you crying?" he asked softly.

"I didn't know you want children so badly."

"I want a lot of things really badly, but that doesn't mean I can't be happy without them. The only thing I can't live without is you and I have you, so you'll never hear me complain, alright?"

"I'm sorry I can't give you children," I said sadly.

"I'm not, cause you'd need tits and a puss-hole for that and that would be kind of gross."

I giggled.

"You know, if we ever come across a woman and she'd be willing, you'd have my permission to impregnate her... But no kissing, ok?"

"I'm never gonna fuck someone else Cody, for any reason, alright?"

He said it like the idea seemed ridiculous to him, almost insulting even, and he looked at me very decidedly.

"What if she's really attractive?" I asked.

"I'm kind of gay, remember?"

I giggled again.

"Kind of?"

"Well... I don't know. Anyway, I've accepted that I won't have any children and I'm fine with it. And besides, we have Lucky, that's the next best thing, right?"

"I guess. And I'll make you really happy, I promise. You won't regret being with me."

Up to this point I had almost taken Troy's love and adoration for me for granted, but finding out about his desire to have children made me realize that he had hopes and dreams beyond our relationship and how uncompromisingly invested he was in what we had. So now I was determined to make sure Troy's faith in us would get rewarded and that my devotion to him would at the very least match his.

"You sound like Maureen."

"Don't compare me to that stupid... tramp. That's offensive."

"Sorry... So, wanna hear the rest of my story?"

"I do and when you get to the part where she gets killed, please don't leave out any details, ok?"

He laughed.

"Let's go back to bed."

We returned to the living room and made ourselves comfortable. I clung to Troy and he put his arm around me. He tenderly kissed my head and I stroked his chest.

"So, we were lying there and I was picturing our future together. Eventually I fell asleep, but was woken when she got up and went outside. She was gone for a while, but I figured she was just taking a shit or something. After maybe fifteen minutes she was back. She cuddled herself against me and I fell asleep again. In the morning she gave me another handjob... which I fucking hated, we shared a can of beans and then decided to head to my cabin.

While we were walking she took my hand and smiled at me. I wouldn't say I was happy, but I was definitely hopeful, something I hadn't been in a very long time and never before to this extent. Anyway, after about an hour she asked me if I had any booze at my place and when I told her that I had two bottles of schnapps she got really excited and suggested that we should get drunk later, to celebrate. As you've probably already realized I love to get shitfaced, so of course my answer was an enthusiastic 'Hell yeah'. But then I suddenly tripped over a root and stumbled a few steps. When I looked back I could've sworn that I saw something disappear behind a tree. Maureen asked me if there was a problem and I said that I thought someone was following us. She replied that it was probably just a 'groaner' and that we should keep going, so we did. Maybe a minute later she wanted to know how much water I had at the cabin. I told her about the well and she suggested that she could wash me before bed and then give me a nice blowjob. I insisted that she didn't have to, but she said that she desperately wanted to taste me and that it would make her really happy to do this for me, so reluctantly I accepted her offer. And just to put this into perspective for you, at this point she was kind of my wife and she was begging to blow me, so don't you judge me, alright? I mean sure, maybe I shouldn't have given in that quickly, but I'm only human, you know? And I was really curious how it would feel like. Anyway, thinking about the blowjob made me totally forget that there might be a freak behind us.

After a long walk we finally arrived at the cabin. It wasn't very big, maybe three times the RV, but it had a bunk bed in it, an oven and a table with two chairs, so it was perfect for us. While she was looking around I locked the door and started a fire. When it was burning I heated up two cans of beans, we ate and then decided to get drunk. About two hours later we were both pretty shitfaced. Maureen was fun and even made me laugh for the first time in months. When it got dark she jer... kissed me on the cheek and then we both fell asleep.

I was woken when she got up later that night. She unlocked the door and went outside. I decided to take a piss too, so I headed after her. When I passed the window I suddenly saw two men coming toward the house and one of them was holding a gun to Maureen’s back. They looked like they were twins. Both were in their mid-thirties and they both had short black hair and beards. I quickly took my shotgun and my knife and waited next to the door. It slowly opened and Maureen came in first, then the guy with the gun. I rammed my knife into his hand and he dropped it, screaming, so I smashed my shotgun in his face as hard as I could. It knocked him out and he fell on the floor. The other guy tried to kneel down, but I stopped him by yelling, 'Hold it right there or I'll fucking blow you to bits!'

Maureen kicked the guy on the floor in the stomach, called him a piece of shit and then spit on him. I asked the guy who was still standing if they had been following us earlier and he answered, 'Yes, but this is not what it looks like. We wouldn't have hurt the girl. We just desperately need some food and water.' I asked him what the fuck I was supposed to do now and he replied, 'I'm sure we can work something out. How about you let us stay? We'll sleep outside and won't bother you. There's enough water in that well for all of us and if we find food or catch something we'll share it with you, alright?'

I still didn't know what to do, so I asked him, 'What if I refuse?' He said, 'Please sir, we'll do whatever it takes. We could work for you, chop wood or keep watch, so you won't have to worry about intruders.'

I asked Maureen what she thought and she replied, 'We don't know if we can trust them. You should search them. Give me your shotgun. I'll keep him in check.' I gave it to her and the second she had it in her hands the guy yelled, 'Waste him Maury!'

Maureen pointed my shotgun at me and pulled the trigger without hesitation. It didn't fire though, cause I had put in an empty shell right after I had met her the day before, in case she would jump me or something. I quickly grabbed it, pulled her toward me and took her into a chokehold from behind. Then I reloaded and fired a warning shot.

I ordered the guy to come closer and he did. I knocked him out by smashing my shotgun into his face, he dropped to the floor and I let go of Maureen. I angrily yelled at her to lie down on her stomach, but she fucking said to me, 'Come on baby, it was nothing personal, they're my kin. But we could still make it work. I could be your wife and bear your children. We could be happy together.' Hearing her say that felt worse than if she had fucking shot me. I screamed at her at the top of my lungs to shut the fuck up and to lie down or I would fucking kill her. I was so fucking furious, more at myself than at her even, for believing that something that good could happen to me. I was completely crushed and all the hope I had for the future was suddenly gone.

I tied the three of them up and dragged them outside. They didn't really have anything useful with them, except for the gun and some bullets for it. Like on auto-pilot I filled my backpack and theirs with as much food and water as I could carry, then I poured a half-full canister of gasoline all over the cabin and set it on fire. Next I dragged the body of a freak I had killed to the well and threw it inside. Finally I took my stuff and just left.

It all went downhill from there. The whole thing had really fucked with me and I couldn't shake this feeling of complete hopelessness. I just didn't see the point in living anymore. My life was a hellish nightmare and I became more and more convinced that it would never get any better, only worse. So after a month I made a decision. I'd keep going till I'd run out of food and then I'd shoot myself in the head. It took a while, but eventually I was down to my last can of beans and I felt so fucking relieved that the pain would finally stop soon.

I arrived at a small town that day and was looking for a nice place where I could blow my brains out when I suddenly noticed a little guy limping away from a freak. And then he ran straight into a pole, so I hurried over and killed the freak at the last second. When I saw your face I froze. My first thought was 'Holy shit, that's an angel!' And then I realized that it meant I couldn't kill myself anymore, cause I had to protect you. I was so fucking angry and I wanted to just leave you there, but I couldn't. I felt like my fate was tied to yours somehow... Well, you know the rest."

His story made me realize how unfair it was of me to suggest that killing was easy for Troy. Maureen had hurt him so badly and betrayed him in a way that gave him every right to kill her, but he didn't even lay a finger on her. She had caused him so much pain that he wanted to die and he just accepted it. But then when we were surprised at the farm and he heard I was in danger he didn't hesitate to kill, because he loved me and it didn't matter what it took, losing me was not something he could accept.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Troy asked, concerned, and brought me back to reality.

"Nothing, sorry... So, that tramp pleasured you four times total, right?" I said and he laughed.

"Of all the shit I just told you, that's the only thing you care about?"

"Well, no, I saved your life. That's nice. Now, four times, right?"

He laughed again.

"Yes, as far as I can remember. Why?"

"I've only pleasured you three times."

"So?"

"Pull down your pants please."

"What? Why?"

"I have to even the score."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do, because right now she has sexually satisfied you more than me. I can't have that."

"Jesus, that's just crazy Cody, can't you see that?"

"Please?"

Suddenly he reached into my pants, touched my private parts and then pulled his hand out again.

"No, I won't let you do anything to me and that's final."

"What did you just do?" I asked, frowning.

"I checked if you're hard and you're not, which means you only wanna do stuff cause you're crazy, not cause you're turned on."

"I can get an erection. Just give me a few seconds."

"This discussion is over."

"No, Troy."

"I have a headache."

"Really? You're not just saying that?"

"No, my head does hurt."

"Oh no, then we can't do anything."

"That's right."

"Maybe later?"

"We'll see."

"You should've thrown that tramp down the well too, you know?"

"Maybe, but I just wanted to get away from her as fast as possible."

"You didn't love her, did you?"

"Of course not, you're the only person I've ever loved, and who has loved me for that matter."

"You're my first love too and hopefully my last."

"What do you mean 'hopefully'? You're not sure you're gonna stay with me?"

"No, I am, I'm just saying I never want to love anyone but you."

"Then don't."

"I won't, I swear, ok?"

"Good."

"If I die first you have my permission to find someone else. I want you to be happy."

"If you die first I'll bury myself with you."

I laughed, but he stayed serious and frowned at me.

"Wait, you're not kidding?" I asked, surprised.

"No, I can't live without you, so when you're gone I might as well die."

"Aww, that's sweet... I probably would've killed myself after your accident if it hadn't been for Lucky, you know? I realized that you would've wanted me to take care of him."

"I wouldn't want you to die for any reason. And if you'd find someone else after I'm no longer around, I'd be fine with that too I guess."

"That's nice of you."

"So, what about your time after the apocalypse? Any interesting stories?"

"Not really. I was lonely and scared, that's it... Oh, but I did poop on a monster once, it was really gross."

He laughed.

"How did you manage that?"

"I told you about the time I was stuck in a tree, because I had lit a fire on a branch and it burned through it and fell down and attracted monsters, right? Well, after holding it in for a couple of days I had stomach cramps, so I finally went to the bathroom. I didn't mean to hit the monster, but it landed on his face anyway. The other monsters threw themselves on it and it distracted them long enough for me to get away."

"What a lovely story. But what I don't understand is, why did you hold it in for so long?"

"I was embarrassed to go in front of the monsters."

He laughed.

"Wow, that's kind of crazy."

"No it's not. No one likes to go when someone's watching and there was a whole group staring at me from the most revealing angle possible."

"But they're not people, they're more like animals and they're so stupid they probably didn't even know what was happening."

"Still, they're living beings, with eyes, so they count."

"Does that mean you'd be embarrassed to take a shit in front of Lucky too?"

"Sure, if he were watching me."

"Have you always been like this?"

"Like what? Normal?"

"No, you're one coy-ass prude and you know it. So when did that start?"

"I think the fact that I grew hair on my body pretty late had something to do with it. I always felt like there was something wrong with me."

"When did you grow hair?"

"I was almost sixteen."

"Jesus, that explains it. That would've fucked with me too. When did you start jerking off?"

"I told you, that's private."

"I'm your boyfriend Cody. I've had my tongue in your asshole."

"Don't be gross Troy."

He laughed.

"I jerked off when I was ten for the first time and a month later I got pubes."

"That can't be true. You can't do that at ten."

"You sure can and I'm guessing you didn't do it before you were fifteen or you would've hit puberty much sooner."

"No, masturbating your penis can't induce puberty, that's ridiculous."

"Well, it did in my case."

"Didn't you get bullied? I mean, I imagine having hair down there at ten must've been much worse than having none at fifteen."

"Are you kidding? Everybody was jealous. I was 'the man', literally."

"Maybe that's why you're so secure."

"Could be. Were your parents prudes too?"

"I guess. Sex was never discussed at my house. My mother only ever said that people who can't control their urges are worse than animals and my grandmother used to say that people who have sex before they're married and for any other reason than making a baby go to hell."

"Jesus, no wonder you didn't jerk off. What about now? Do you consider yourself worse than an animal or think you're going to hell?"

"No, I read a lot on the internet and talked to people and I came to the conclusion that it's ok to have sex as long as you're not promiscuous or compulsive about it. And the hell part, I don't know, I hope that's not true, but the Bible also says that being gay is a sin, so if my grandmother was right I'm going to hell either way."

"Well, I wouldn't worry about what the Bible says, cause I'm pretty sure it's not the word of God. I mean, there's so much fucked up shit in there. If that actually is the word of God then he's a fucking psycho and you shouldn't give a fuck about what he wants you to do and be grateful when you don't end up living with him after you die. I believe God either doesn't care about us or if he does, since we're his creation and all, then I think as long as you're happy and don't hurt others you're good."

"I guess that's true."

"By the way, you didn't have a boyfriend before me, did you?"

"No, as I said, you're my first love."

"Why is that? I mean, it wouldn't have been very hard to find one with your looks."

"Well, I always wanted a partner for life and I knew I'd probably move away when I'd go to college, so it didn't make sense to me to find one in high school. And in college I was just too shy to ask someone out or even to join a club or go to a bar and I didn't have any friends yet who could go with me."

"I see."

"What about you? Did you ever have a girlfriend?"

"No, I convinced myself that I'm a loner and that I don't need anyone."

"What about sex?"

"I tried to hook up with chicks a couple of times, but I didn't know how to talk to them, so I always scared them off before anything happened."

"What did you say to them?"

"One time, in a bar, I went up to a chick and said, 'Hey, I got a big dick, want me to fuck the shit out of you?' That didn't go over so well."

I laughed.

"No, that can't be true. What were you thinking?"

"I was a little drunk and I figured chicks like big dicks, I mean, who doesn't, right? And I thought, if she's horny, she'd appreciate me cutting right to the chase."

"Not everyone likes big penises, because if it's too big it can hurt."

"Do you think mine's too big?"

"I don't know, I guess we'll find out. Do you think mine's too small?"

"No, it's not small by any stretch of the imagination, it's perfect."

I grinned.

"Telling her you have a big penis wasn't the worst part though. People usually don't like to get the poop f-ed out of them."

"Apparently not. Hey, why do you think 'Winnie' is called 'the Pooh Bear'? Does he shit a lot or something?"

I giggled.

"Well, he does eat a lot of honey."

He laughed.

"Yeah."

"I read an article about Winnie the Pooh once and it said that every one of the characters has some kind of mental disorder. For example, Winnie has low self-esteem and an eating disorder, the donkey obviously suffers from depression, the tiger has ADD and the rabbit has OCD. So the author must've had some issues."

"I never noticed that, but it totally makes sense. I heard that Alice in Wonderland is about drugs."

"I heard that too, and that Lewis Carroll, the author, was a pedophile who liked to photograph little girls naked."

"Yikes."

"I wonder how much literature and other art was lost in the apocalypse," I said.

"Probably a lot and then there's all the stuff that was on the internet, it's all gone."

"Do you think we'll ever recover from this?"

"Maybe in a few centuries we'll have a lot of the things we had before the apocalypse, but not everything and there'll be a lot less people. Maybe it was for the best that the world ended, cause we were about to destroy the planet."

"The virus was probably its way to fight back."

"It's possible. And we definitely had it coming."

"Yeah, we had almost reached a point of no return and the planet might have become uninhabitable. At least now we can start over and don't have to worry about that for a very long time."

"That's right, and when the freaks have died it won't be too bad. Look at us, when we find a house with a well or river nearby and grow our own food we'll have everything we'll ever need and can lead a very happy life."

"Definitely, but a TV and a couple of movies wouldn't hurt either. And we have to look for used iPads. I'd love to play 'Angry Birds' again."

"I've heard of it, but I've never played it. What's it about?"

"You shoot birds at pigs with a slingshot. It's awesome."

"Sounds like a kid's game."

"No, adults can play it too, it's pretty difficult actually."

"We could build a real slingshot and shoot down birds with it, they'd be pretty angry too."

"I don't want to hurt poor little birds."

"We could just shoot down big ones. I've heard pigeons are delicious."

"Really? Hmm, I guess that would be ok then."

"There you go."

"Are you hungry yet?"

"I could eat."

"How about we have dinner now and then go to bed early?"

"Sure."

I started a fire and after feeding Lucky I made us some vegetables and then we went to sleep.