Prompt Stories - 3. Freak Show Of Love

"Wait. You want me to do what?" my beautiful daughter Kaylee asked, still laughing from the joke I had just told her.

"You heard me," I answered.

"I'm not pulling your finger dad, and I'm kind of insulted that you'd think I'd still get a kick out of something so childish. I'm a 14-year-old woman after all."

"Making someone fart is like a precious gift, you should feel honored I'm offering it to you. And you're still a little girl as far as I'm concerned, you always will be. Unless this is your way of telling me that someone has made you a woman already. In that case I'll be going to jail soon, for murdering every boy in your phone."

"Oh my god, dad! That's not what I meant and you know it!"

"I think I'll still murder all the boys in your phone, just to be on the safe side. Now back to more serious matters. Pull my fingers."

"Dad, no, that's gross," she said, giggling.

"Come on, I got myself an upgrade, now depending on which finger you pull I'll fart in a different pitch. And if you pull all four fingers at once I'll lift off."

Kaylee laughed really hard.

"No, dad!... Wait. What happens if I pull your thumb?" she said.

"Then I'll poop myself, so please don't..." She quickly pulled on my thumb. "Oh no," I said dramatically. That's when my lovely husband Mitch walked into the living room.

"What's going on in here?" he asked curiously.

"Dad just pooped himself," Kaylee said and smiled proudly.

"Again?" Mitch asked and we all laughed.

"And I'm going to jail soon, for life," I added.

"It's about time," Mitch said dryly and sat down next to me on the couch.

"Won't you miss me?" I asked.

"No, I'll be too busy celebrating to miss you."

"Yeah, right. I bet after a week without me you'll be lying in our bed, clutching your tear-soaked pillow, whispering, 'Come sweet death, release me.'"

"After a week without you hopefully the repression-process will kick in and I won't even remember your name anymore. Like on that day you roofied me and then made me sign our marriage certificate."

"I only made you marry me so the police wouldn't get suspicious, because that wasn't a roofie, it was rat poison. But I should've known it wouldn't work, because you only look like a rat, inside however you're all cockroach."

"How dare you?!" he said warningly and then we both glared at each other. After a few seconds we burst out laughing.

"I love you so much baby," I said.

"I love you more," he replied and we exchanged tender kisses.

"You guys are such a freak show!" Kaylee said disapprovingly.

"Yeah, a freak show of love," I responded and she rolled her eyes at me.

"I'll go study till dinner is ready," she said.

"Did you hear that Mitch? She's being responsible," I said, like I was totally shocked.

"Who taught you that little girl?! I'll have him arrested right now," Mitch said sharply.

"You two are the worst," she said and rolled her eyes again, then she got up, gave Mitch and me a kiss on the cheek and left.

"Hey, wanna pull my fingers? I got myself an upgrade," I said to Mitch and we both laughed.