Controller - 2. Chapter 2

Controller

By Jon Keys

Chapter Two

The night playing Halo had been cool. But I’d almost missed class the next day because we played until close to dawn. Jamie had told me more about the gay-straight alliance on campus, and I’d decided to go.

Wrapped in my thoughts I heard. “Hey! Nathan!”

I stopped to see Jamie and Eli trotting toward me. As they approached, I smiled and gave them a little wave. “Hey, what’s up?”

“We’re going to the GSA meeting and figured we’d walk with you. Some of the rooms are tricky to find in the student union.”

“Oh, that’s cool. I appreciate the help. I’ve been lost so many times these last few weeks that I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah, campus is pretty wacky when you first get here. I went to the wrong class my first day. I didn’t want to look stupid, so I stayed through the whole lecture and missed the first day of the one I was really enrolled in,” said Eli.

I chuckled at the thought of him sitting through an entire class rather than walk out. Somehow when you looked at Eli you just knew he was a nice guy. Yeah, he was a little goofy, with ears that didn’t quite fit and a prominent roman nose. He couldn’t be more different from Jamie whose features were in perfect proportion and set off by his long hair. I couldn’t help but fantasize about Jamie as I walked along with them. We got to the entrance and I was so busy checking out Jamie’s ass that I almost ran into the door Eli was holding open.

“Sorry, dude. I should pay more attention.”

Eli smiled and swept his arm in front of himself and motioned me in. “Enter, fair prince.”

I walked past Eli with a chuckle then looked around the room. Even ten minutes early, it was fairly full. I stuck close to Eli and Jamie, comfortable with their familiar banter. Eli hammed it up with one of the girls, plopping himself in her lap and throwing his arms around her.

“Rachael! How was your summer, darlin’?”

She giggled and hugged Eli back. “Too quiet without you to brighten my life. How about you?”

“Oh, honey. I just can’t tell you how miserable my summer was without you. My mother could talk the horns off a billygoat.” Eli struck a pose, and then winked at Nathan. Grinning at Rachael, he moved to the seat beside her. “Hey, Rach. This is my buddy, Nathan. He’s a brand new freshman for us to torment.”

Rachael giggled again and squeezed Eli’s arm. After a few seconds, she held out her hand to me. “Nice to meet you, Nathan. Don’t let Eli get to you. He’s a big softy.”

“Well, he’s feeding my addiction, so that’s good,” I said.

“Oh, and what evil thing are you hooked on?”

“Gaming. I’m addicted. Hardcore.”

Rachael winked at him. “Rugby is mine. I get cranky if I miss practice.”

“Well it’s good to find another obsessive person.”

“Yup, it is.” She motioned for us to sit beside her. “Come on. Jamie is about to start.” She winked at us. “He get’s irritable if we don’t begin on time.”

Eli sat next to Rachael and motioned me beside him. They were catching up as the intro part of the meeting began. With Eli occupied, I didn’t feel bad about checking out the room. It didn’t take long for me to find Jamie seated beside Michael. As I watched, Jamie tucked his hair behind his ears again. He was so adorable and handsome. I couldn’t help but stare at him while he chatted with people around him.

Unfortunately, I spotted Michael’s hand anchored tight against Jamie’s thigh. Then he moved, put his arm over Jamie’s shoulder and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Michael’s always like that.”

I turned to find Eli smiling sadly at me, and my face grew hot with embarrassment. “I wasn’t—“

Eli shrugged. “Jamie’s good looking. A little of the exotic. Especially when most of us are pale here in the land of grey winters.”

I paused for a moment to consider Eli, and realized he was right. His pale skin stood out even more against his dark eyebrows and short unruly hair. In combination with his features, he couldn’t be considered classically handsome. I glanced back at Jamie, finding the difference more striking. Snapping back to the present, I realized the introductions had began. Fortunately, I’d heard the instructions.

“Hi, I’m Nathan, Nate. And my pronouns are he, his, and him.”

My focus on the meeting, I started listening for where I could fit in with this group.

#

I walked along. Considering the information I’d never experienced that they’d talked about at the GSA meeting. I chewed my lip quietly while we moved toward the dorms.

“What’s wrong?”

I glanced over to find Jamie looking at me. “I didn’t know there were so many different sexes. The pronoun thing was kind of odd too.”

Both of them chuckled. Then Eli explained. “Gender, not sexes. It’s about how you feel in that quiet inside you place, not your physical sex. The pronoun introductions are for the people who are transgender, they might have been born female, but feel male or even neither.”

“But what about asexual? How could Em not be attracted to anyone?”

“Well she—“ Eli shook his head and sounded a little frustrated. “They—identify as asexual. Em says no one is attractive to them.”

“Pronouns are hard.”

Jamie and Eli both chuckled. “You wouldn’t think so, but a person’s gender identity sometimes gets pretty complicated.”

I followed along in quiet, thinking about some of the things they’d discussed at the meeting. Most of the information I’d heard before, but parts of it changed my whole way of thinking. Unfortunately as I focused on recalling the discussion, I didn’t notice Eli had stopped and plowed into him, almost knocking him to the ground. He grabbed me to keep both of us from falling. Our eyes met for a second, but Eli dropped his eyes and his face flushed.

“We’re headed back to the quad. Did you want to come with? I don’t think there’s going to be any gaming tonight, though,” said Jamie.

Eli laughed and shook his head. “I’m sure not playing. Some of us have to pass our classes.”

I gave them a slightly sad smile but nodded in agreement. “Me either, I have to study for a test. Dang it, I’m ready for some more playing.”

Jamie reached up and squeezed my shoulder. “Thanks for coming today, Nate. I liked having another guy there.” The heat of his touch traveled through my body, and my dick twitched in response.

Eli patted me on the back, and then the smaller man gave a huge smile. “Stay outta trouble. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

I like Eli. He’s cool. I think you could come to him with anything as a problem and he’d do his best to help you. I stood for a minute and watched as they walked to the quads. I sighed when they disappeared. I hoped Tony will be gone tonight so I don’t have to deal with him.

A short time later I was opening the dorm room. I flicked on the lights and breathed a little easier when I found the room empty. I undressed and hung the clothes I’d worn back in my closet and put on a tee and comfortable sweats, careful not to step on any of the piles of clothes Tony left around the room. I lay on the bed, propped against the pillows as I brought up the study guide from my computer. I had been serious when I told the guys I needed to study. Midterms began in a few days, but I kept playing the night through my mind. A room full of guys who were gay, a lot of them cute. And the heat of Jamie’s touch against my arm.

I checked the room to convince myself Tony really was gone. It had been awhile since I’d had any time alone. My dick was growing before I opened the encrypted folder hidden on my computer. I clicked the images open and started flipping through them. The parade of naked men began across my screen, and I rubbed my fingers over my hard nipples and my cock stiffened and tangled with my clothes.

I lifted my ass off the bed and shoved my thick grey sweats to my thighs. My cock sprang from the confining clothing and trailed a strand of precum from my belly to the tip. I laid the computer beside me on the bed and stared at the pictures as I rubbed my hard nipples. The jolts of electricity shot to my crotch and I began leaking precum in a thin stream. The slide show flipped up a model that looked a lot like Jamie, and I paused the computer.

One hand slid down my stomach and wrapped around my throbbing cock. I made a low moan as I started stroking my wet dick. My thighs stretched my sweats tight when I spread my legs wider. My hand flew up and down its length while my other hand twisted my now throbbing nipples. My breath came faster, the bliss of a building orgasm. My eyes closed tight and recalled the fire that traveled through me at Jamie’s touch.

A loud bang echoed through the room when someone fell against the door. The sound of keys at the lock caused me to freeze for a moment.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! It’s Tony. Damnit!

I slammed the computer shut and frantically yanked my pants up as the key slid into the lock and the tumblers began to turn. My breath hissed over my teeth at the pain of shoving my rock hard cock into my sweats. With my dick tenting out my pants obscenely, I grabbed my computer, and flipped so I was facing the wall.

The door opened, and from across the room came a slurred whisper. “Yeah, he’s asleep. Come on.”

The responding high pitched giggle made me grind my teeth. I have to find another place to live!

#

I almost ran into Eli as I charged head down to my next class. Being exhausted and more than a little frustrated didn’t help my attitude.

“Hey, bud,” said Eli. “What’s up?”

I sighed and started to let Eli’s question roll off me with one of the half dozen standard replies. Rather than dodge the question, I decided Eli was a good person to share this problem with. “Bad night. Tony came home with a girl and they thought I was asleep. Then the rest of the time was spent listening to him beg for sex, the two minutes it took for him to get off, and the two hours of crying from the girl who said she’d given her virginity to my asshole roommate. Then this morning he’s sprawled everywhere, more dead than alive.”

I could see the corner of Eli’s mouth twitch as he tried to keep a solemn face. After a few moments he cracked, and a snort of laughter escaped him. “Sorry, Nate. You have to admit, that’s kinda funny.”

I glared at him for several long minutes, then let out a sigh and shook my head. “Yeah, if someone else was having the problem I’d probably be laughing too. But I’m so damn tired of the crap he pulls, the mess he leaves the room in, and—“ I twisted my lips and frowned. “He stinks too. Oh my God. You’d think being away from home was some excuse for never showering or wearing clean clothes.”

Eli laughed, no longer trying to hide it. He grabbed my shoulder and held on while he began to actually giggle. I couldn’t resist, Eli’s laughter was contagious. I started laughing with him. Somehow sharing the moment with Eli was very comfortable. I found myself staring into his twinkling blue eyes.

Eli pulled off his glasses and wiped tears of laughter on his sleeve. Settling the dark frames onto his face again, he looked back at me. “Okay, enough entertainment at your expense. I think I might have a solution.”

“A solution?”

“Yup, we’ll get you out of that room.”

“I can’t get out of my contract, Eli.”

“Ah, but that’s the beauty of my plan.” Eli did the evil villain laugh and had me smiling even more.

“So what’s your idea, Snidley.”

Eli rubbed his hands together in a melodramatic gesture, then squeezed my shoulder. “There’s a room open on my floor.”

I froze in place, afraid I hadn’t understood correctly. “But there’s a waiting list and all kinds of stuff.”

“Not if the suite mates request you. That’s the rule!”

I was confused, then the answer dawned on me. “One of the guys in your suite is leaving.”

“Nope, those guys won’t leave without dynamite blasting them out. Almost as good, though.” Eli paused again, just to drag out my agony.

“Oh, come on, Eli! Where?”

“Jamie told me this morning one of his suite-mates is moving in with his girlfriend. So they need to find someone.”

I froze, processing the information. After a moment or two things clicked into place. “I can move into Jamie’s suite?”

“I bet he’d be happy to have you as a roomie. Come on. I know you’re about to pee yourself to know for sure.”

Eli draped an arm over my shoulders and veered us toward the Quads. A few minutes later we were standing at Jamie’s door. I cocked an eye at Eli.

“You sure this is okay to bug him?”

“Sure. Michael won’t be awake, but he doesn’t get up until dusk anyway. I swear he’s a vampire or something.”

I stood frozen, poised to knock but not wanting to disturb them for some odd reason. Suddenly I jumped when knocking echoed up and down the hallway. I realized Eli had pounded on the door. “Jeez, Nate. Jamie’s not all that.”

A hurt expression flickered across Eli’s face, but the door opened and Jamie stood in front of me. My heart hammered in my chest at the sight. Jamie was shirtless with a pair of lounge pants. His tiny brown nipples were perfect against his olive skin. I swallowed hard and smiled.

“Hey, Jamie.”

“Hey, Nate. What’s up?”

I motioned to the now quiet Eli beside me. “Eli said you’re looking for a suite mate.”

I sensed the slight resonance through my body when Jamie chuckled. “Yeah, Greg’s moving in with his girlfriend. He told us last night.”

I let out my breath. “I’d be interested. My roommate is driving me crazy.”

Eli began to chuckle again, and then tried to control himself as he looked back at me. “Sorry, it’s still funny.”

Jamie gave me a questioning look.

“Last night was kinda rough and someone thinks it’s funny.”

Jamie slowly smiled and nodded. “Come on in. I think this will work out fine.”

#

I wiped the sweat off my face as I sat down the box and looked around the room. How in the world had I managed to gather up this much crap since the beginning of school. I’ll never get all this junk back into my car in May. I slid into a chair to rest for a minute, when a bang came from the doorway. Eli leaned against the doorframe, his knuckles white from trying to hold onto the box his arms were wrapped around.

“Man, I’m sorry. I zoned out. Let me help you.”

Eli braced the huge box against the wall, he shoved his knee under it and flashed a feeble smile. “No problem. I’ve got it. Where do you want the box.”

I spun around trying to find a place for Eli to put his load. I spun around a couple of times and then felt like an idiot. Eli sunk slowly lower on the wall as the weight of the box pressed on him.

“Ah, shit, Eli. Sorry. Just put it on the bed.”

Eli shoved himself up and almost fell over when he dropped the box onto the bed. “Good Lord, Nate. What’s in there?”

I glanced over and grimaced. “Ah, E. It’s books.”

“Holy shit! Think you could find a bigger box so one person couldn’t pickup the fucker at all?”

“Sorry. These are the only boxes I could find.”

Eli pulled up his shirt to wipe his face and gave me a glimpse of his midsection. I’d never noticed the sexy dark treasure trail that ran over his stomach to disappear into his jeans. Having gawked for too long, I flicked my eyes up and locked eyes with Eli for a second. I thought I saw a smirk. My face started heating up and my eyes dropped to the boxes scattered around the room.

“I think there’s only a couple of more boxes in the trunk and we’re done.”

Eli let out a long sigh then smiled at me. “Okay, let’s go get the rest of your crap. Cause once we’re done I have to wash the stink off before I can go down for dinner.”

“I’ll take you out for dinner. To thank you for helping haul my crap up to the room.”

Eli gave me a shy smile. “Today, I’ll take you up on the meal offer. I’ve lugged enough boxes to work up an appetite.”

I shot him a grin. “How about pizza? The place down in campus town has great pizza.”

“Supreme, with extra pepperoni?” Eli wiggled his dense eyebrows at me.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sure, supreme with extra pepperoni.”

“Okay, apparently I can be bought for the cost of half a pizza.”

We walked back through the living room and Michael was playing Battlefront. We both slowed, then stopped to watch. After a few seconds, he paused the game and glared at us with a cocked eyebrow.

“I don’t like people standing behind me to watch.”

“Jeez, you’re such a jerk, Michael. We were just watching,” said Eli.

“Bug off, pricks.” He sat, refusing to start the game again until we left.

Eli turned to me and shook his head. “I don’t get what Jamie sees in him. At least he’s generally a decent guy.”

I smiled at the mention of Jamie’s name and Eli’s mouth twisted into a frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Let’s just get your shit. Good thing you’re under age. Otherwise you would be paying while I get plastered tonight.”

“Why?” I asked.

“It just seems like a perfect day to get shit faced.”

I followed Eli back to my car, wondering what had upset the normally cheerful guy. I finally decided Michael’s attitude had set him off. I didn’t blame him, and Michael was the one sour part of the new living arrangements. But he had to be better than Tony. I chuckled a little to myself, I didn’t tell Tony I was moving out. I just left. I wondered how long it will take for him to figure out I don’t live there any more.

Eli turned to me once we got to the car, his arms crossed and a scowl across his face. I reached out and squeezed Eli’s arm. “Sorry about Michael. He seems like a jerk.”

Eli’s brows shot up and he gave me a surprised look before a sadness crept across his face. “Yeah, some people can be insensitive jerks.”

“Exactly. Let’s get this stuff upstairs and then we can go get some pizza. I’ll even pay for your beer. You just need to order it.”

“Sure, sounds like a plan, Nate.”

We grabbed the last two boxes, this time I made certain to grab the heavy one, and headed back to my room. Jamie had joined Michael and he smiled at me when we walked in.

“Hey, Nate. You and Eli about to get that stuff done?”

“Yeah, this is the last of my junk.”

“Cool, Michael and I were about to go get something to eat. You guys want to come along?”

“Sure! That sounds great.”

Eli shot past me and muttered, “I remembered I’ve got homework. Later.”

#

I answered my door, surprised to find Eli. I hadn’t seen him since he helped me move. With midterms coming I hadn’t thought much about it, but his grinning face was a welcome diversion. “Hey, Eli. What’s up?”

He fidgeted in the doorway for a second before holding up couple tickets. “Wanna go to Comic Con? I got two passes.”

“Yeah, man! Sounds cool. We should see if the guys want to go. It’ll be a blast.”

Eli dropped his head and stared at the floor.

“Eli, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’ll catch you later.” He turned and took the first step to his room when I grabbed his shoulder.

“Eli, please. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just me being stupid. A bunch of us going to Comic Con would be fun. Sounds like a plan.”

His disappointed told me a different story. His knotted brow and drawn lips looked anything but happy. Ah, shit. How stupid could I be?

“Did you want to just you and I go?”

Eli’s eyebrow flicked upward, and a smile twitched one corner of his mouth. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Sure, sounds fun. We can bach it. Make a day of it.”

Eli stared at his Van’s, scuffing them across the floor. He spoke almost in a whisper. “No.”

Confused, I tried to decipher an increasingly confusing conversation. “What’d you mean, no?”

Eli slowly let out a long breath before answering. “Not as two bud, Nate. I wanted to ask you out. I thought the Comic Con would be fun. I got us passes to go.”

“You didn’t win the tickets or something?”

“No.”

“You’re asking me on a date?”

“Yes.”

“To Comic Con?”

“Good God, Nate! If you don’t want to, just say so. The fucking Abbott and Costello routine is stupid.”

I shook myself from the shocked stupor. “Sorry, Eli! Of course. I’d love to go. I think it would be a blast.”

The smile returned to Eli’s face. “We can leave Saturday morning. I’ll drive. Sounds fantastic. They’re going to premier some games for the newest Xbox.”

Finding Eli’s excitement contagious, I grinned and tried to recall what I’d seen of the convention. “I hear the panels are kickass too. The latest Hobbit previews should be cool to see.”

Eli chuckled. “You don’t even know the name of the latest one. Admit it.”

“I admit nothing, but I’ll be ready.”

#

“Come on, Nate. I’m starved! Let’s grab some food before you drag me into another panel discussion,” said Eli.

I spun and danced backward just in front of Eli. “Oh come on. Fess up, you’re as big of a fan geek as I am. You loved the FX panel. You asked more questions than anyone else.”

Eli swatted my shoulder and spun me around. “Okay, okay,’ he said, “I’ll agree with you, if you’ll let me eat.”

I chuckled and dropped back beside Eli. “Okay, whimp. You can’t stop for chili dogs when we’re killing trolls.”

“Whatever. Feed me!”

A little bit later, we both had a styrofoam plate filled with food truck eats. We found a place to sit after a few minutes and took over the table. Seconds later we were digging into the dogs with gusto.

A little surprised at how much I’d enjoyed being with Eli, I’d discovered he was smart and kept me laughing. We had a lot of common interests, beyond gaming. He seemed to be having a good time too, if his non-stop chatter and enthusiasm was any indication.

Eli bumped me with his elbow. “Hey Nate, look. That looks like that dumbass from from Duck Dynasty.”

I glanced over and snickered at the convention goer. It was obviously not a costume, the guy would have fit into the cast with his huge beard and camo clothing. We both cracked up once he’d moved out of sight. It became a game between the two of us to point out the most elaborate cosplay folks as they made their way past our seat.

During the time we watched there was a very unhulky Hulk, a Wonder Woman that could have been a hooker, and a cheap one at that, and more Power Rangers than you could imagine walked past.

Eli stuffed the last of the super Chicago mega dog into his mouth and gulped it down. “Okay, I’m refueled. Where’s the program? We need to see what panels or previews we’ve missed.”

“I have it. Let’s go.” I pulled out my phone and flipped through the list events I thought we might like.

“There’s one in 30 minutes, on the other side of the building. I think it’ll be good.”

“Well, hell. What are we waiting on?” asked Eli.

#

The day had been a total success. Eli had insisted we go to a restaurant for dinner, and he paid. We were still talking about the convention as we stepped off the elevator and headed to our rooms.

“I’m telling you. That new Xbox is kick ass,” said Eli.

“There’re no good games yet. It’s not worth the money.”

“Yeah, yeah. They say that every time a new system comes out.”

We stopped in front of my door, and Eli grinned at me. “Thanks for going today. I had a great time.”

“Me too. It was a blast.”

“Good.” Eli rose on his toes and gave me a soft kiss. “Night, Nathan.”

I was unable to do anything but nod as he walked down the hallway.

#

Lying in bed, I struggled to sort out what had happened. I touched the spot where Eli’s kiss had landed. The whole thing had been so natural, so sweet and tender. My emotions were in tatters and I couldn’t bring them together.

I’ve been working through my attraction to Jamie since I’d walked into the computer store and he’d helped me. Jamie is with Michael. I tell myself this over and over. So why do I get hard every time I see Jamie? One smile from him and my stomach fills with butterflies. Jamie’s so handsome. So exotic. Every time I’m around him, my heart races and my tongue tangles up like one of those damn fly fishing knots my dad keeps trying to teach me. Eli is cute, a little awkward, but a nice guy. And a great friend. I don’t usually go for smaller guys, but he is so sweet. Damn it, this shouldn’t be so hard. I want to be with Jamie, and Eli needs someone who fits him.

The hallway door banged open and voices came from the living room. I realized it was Michael and Jamie. With a little guilt, I crept to the door to indulge myself in a round of voyeurism. I pressed my ear against the door and listened.

“Come on, suck it. You know you want it, bitch.”

“Stop it, Michael. You’ll wake someone up. You’re drunk.”

“Come on, suck me. I just want to get off so I can sleep.”

The sound of scuffling filtered into my ears and was punctuated by Michael’s groan.

“That’s a good girl. You want my hard cock don’t you? Chew on it. Bite through those jeans.”

A gasp sounded, and a coarse chuckle echoed through the door. There was more noise of a struggle and then the sound of a zipper. More noises drifted through the door that I tried to categorize. Loud gagging sounded from outside my door.

He’s forcing Jamie! I grabbed the door, ready to try and help Jamie.

“Come on, Michael. You know I love your dick, and a little rough is good. Not quite so hard though, babe.”

My stomach roiled at the words, not sure what to think. I closed my door with a faint click. I should have gone to bed and covered my head so I couldn’t hear more. But that didn’t happen. The sounds coming through the door left me clinging to its cold flat surface.

Michael moaned again, and a wet sound filtered to my ears. The rhythmic thrusting built, and I imagined Jamie on his knees with Michael thrusting into his mouth.

“That’s nice, baby. Oh, fuck. I’m so close.”

The sounds shimmered around me, filling me. With what, I couldn’t say. I’m eighteen, I can’t control the primal side of myself most of the time. I was hard as a rock. A lot less than the sounds of someone getting head a few feet away could leave me in that condition. Guilt flooded me at how my body betrayed me. The guy I had fallen for had a dick in his face, and I popped a damn boner. The swirl of guilt, anguish and stimulation thickened when I realized Michael had sped up.

Then, the nightmare reached its end.

“Ah, fuck. Yeah, Swallow my cum,” screamed Michael.

The images playing through my mind were over whelming. This wasn’t sexy. It wasn’t hot. My heart was breaking at the betray of my unspoken love.

I stumbled away from the door and made my way back to bed. I fell across the mattress and buried my face in the pillow, shoving it tight over my ears. The room narrowed to the soft muffled sound of my heart pounding, and my sobs. Those few minutes were burned into my mind forever. Now, the man I lusted after was tarnished forever.

The tears began, and I couldn’t have told you the exact reason. Maybe it was the confirmation I’d lost Jamie, the man I’d actually never had.; or the sound of sex that I still wasn’t certain I’d call consensual and my decision to do nothing; or was it simply the destruction of my first crush.

I curled into a ball and stared into the stygian darkness filling my room, as the tears rolled down my face onto my pillow, each a fragment of my shattered heart.