Not This Time - 1. Story

Not This Time
By Meeko (L0st Cause)

Panicked, I sat in the back of the truck. I didn't quite remember how I ended up back there on my only day off, but that really didn't matter to me right now. My eyes swept across every road, every building, everything our truck passed. Once the alarms sounded and the location of the emergency was announced, men in all shapes and sizes were rushing to get on their gear as quickly as possible. Time wasn't something any of them were willing to waste. Within minutes, with sirens roaring and lights blazing, the truck descended from its home and flew onto the midnight roads passing all those that took their precious time to get out of the way.

I listened in the moment I heard the radio buzzing. The calm voice that came through over the dispatch informed Tom, the captain and driver, that the freeway was being shut down due to a car wreck and that he would need to take the exit closest to him and go through back roads from there on out. I swore to myself, knowing full well it would take us double the time to get to our destination. Surprising us all, he called back dispatch to let them know that wouldn’t work and to make way for us to get through. Tom quickly turned off the radio and made no move of getting off the freeway.

He had one simple job to do, which on a daily basis, he did perfectly well. He wasn’t about to let some stupid guy who decided to have too much to drink and caused a mess on the freeway to interfere with his job. I watched the two overweight officers who were awaiting the fire truck hesitantly let us through, knowing full well they had no choice. Tom stuck one hand out the window in a half attempt at thanking the officers, even though he knew they could do a lot more to help him. Looking once more at the address he was given, he made his way for the next exit, and picking up the speaker, he let us all know that we were close and prepared us for a long night.

When I overheard the location of the fire, I knew it couldn’t be him. I knew it couldn’t have been his building that suddenly lit up in flames. Still, I found myself hopping into the back of the truck with nothing more than a fire coat and the t-shirt and jeans I wore, the backpack I carried slung over one shoulder. I've spent the last six years on this truck with all these people, yet somehow, today was unlike anything else I ever had to experience. Today wasn't like a regular call for me. No, it was different. For the first time in the past six years I sat there fidgeting, restless. My whole body was trembling. I knew that it was likely he wasn't even there and that I was worrying for absolutely nothing, yet at the same time, a part of me knew he was there. A part of me knew him we'll enough to know if anyone would be trapped in a burning building this late at night, it would be him.

My eyes were searching, praying that it was a mistake, that maybe they had the wrong address. I had a strange feeling in my gut, one of which I've never felt before. With this line of work they taught us never to be afraid, they trained us to be strong, to always hold our own and be brave for everyone else. So why wasn't I putting on a brave face like I should have been, why was I feeling all the pain that I have never once felt before? Why?

I wasn't sure how to describe it, so I described it in the only simple way I could.

Pain.

My mind was racing all on its own. I wasn't sure what to expect, maybe I had nothing to worry about at all, and maybe... maybe the building was empty. I wanted to believe that, the way my stomach clenched the moment the truck pulled to a halt. Everyone made a quick exit from the vehicle, and began doing what they were trained to do. Already at the scene were a few police cars setting up a boundary and trying to contain the public from getting to close.

Me?

I sat in the back frozen to my seat and stared at the building. It looked like any other fire I've seen a million times before. The only difference this time, was the black svi 2005 BMW that was parked in the same stall it was always parked in. Suddenly I no longer felt pain, I no longer felt anything as I emerged from the vehicle and rushed over to the car and peeked inside. The moment I emerged from the vehicle I could feel the officers watching me, wondering what on earth I was doing, or for that matter, why I was in civilian clothing. Nevertheless, none of them made an attempt to stop or badger me with questions. I guess it was something about looking like I belonged that sent them in the opposite direction. The car was empty except for a few bags and the car seat. I turned back around and stopped. Slowly I looked back into the car and at the backseat. He only kept that car seat there when... The look on my fellow firefighter's faces as I stormed past them all and ran into the building was very easy to describe, shock.

"Logan, no!" Tom hollered while running up behind me and tackling me to the ground, in an attempt to stop me.

Being the bigger one of the two of us, I pushed him away and entered the building before the others could realize what I had just done. With nothing more than the clothes on my back and whatever equipment was inside my bag that was securely wrapped around my left shoulder, I stormed up the emergency stairs. I could hear them calling my name, I could hear them screaming "No!" but my legs made no motion to stop. Instead, they continued up the long flight of stairs.

The smoke invaded the stairways quickly. The lower the visibility, the closer I knew I was getting. We were always trained to have a plan and a buddy if we ever entered a burning building. We were trained to always protect the victims and to get them to safety, but the most important thing was to keep ourselves safe and to watch over each other. We were one big family that always took care of its members, it’s how we were always treated, like a family. Since I didn't follow the first two rules, I knew I had to follow the last one, even if it meant breaking another rule in the process. By the time I reached my destination, I could hardly see. I closed my eyes and prayed that my memory wouldn’t fail me on the day I needed it the most.

Without a second thought I reached for the door handle and instantly removed it, the pain that now throbbed through my fingers was burning at a rapid pace. Now, as my brain finally began to work, I shrugged off my jacket and wrapped it around my other hand and then once more reached for the handle. While leaning my body against the wall, I slowly pulled the door open. Once the door opened I shielded my face with the jacket. After about ten seconds I peeked through to see that the fire had not yet damaged this part of the building, and by opening the door I allowed the smoke to exit through. Noticing quickly that the smoke had cleared enough so that I was now able to faintly see my surroundings, I began my search.

*****

The radio was booming, and the sound of a more distant voice singing along with the radio in a very delightful manner could be heard within the house, the voice so pleasant and filled with joy. He maneuvered around the house in the most joyful way, doing whatever last minute cleaning there was to be done. The scent of chicken mixed in with a blend of pasta and different sauces overpowered the house, making it all the more relaxing. “What a Beautiful Day,” he hummed, singing along with the song that played on the radio. A quick glance at the cloak indicated that he had just enough time to take a quick shower and get dressed.

He emerged from his bedroom the second he heard a car door slam shut. They had just graduated from high school and Jonah was forced to go on a trip with his family for two whole weeks. Logan was sad, but he understood and awaited Jonah‘s return eagerly so the two could spend their remaining summer vacation together. Logan leaned against the bedroom door and waited, and waited. What he saw when the front door finally opened, was worth all the time he had waited. His eyes washed over his Jonah’s entire face, then moving down to admire the rest of his body. He quickly noticed a few changes, like the way Jonah grew out his light brown hair so it now hung just above his emerald green eyes, those eyes he missed so dearly. He was not sure how long he was staring at the love of his life, but Jonah cleared his throat, breaking the trance immediately. Logan’s eyes quickly shot up in fear that he might have been staring too hard. His eyes went straight back to Jonah‘s, and he could already see that silly grin forming with his cherry red lips. Mmm those lips…

“Do you stare at all the guy’s that walk into your house this way, Logan?” Jonah questioned, dropping his backpack that he carried over his shoulder down onto the wooden floor with a soft thud.

Logan rushed to Jonah and hungrily attacked his mouth with his own. Jonah opened his mouth, slowly allowing Logan access. Jonah’s tongue quickly found Logan’s and the two immediately began fighting for territory within Jonah’s mouth. Logan was so caught up in the moment that he didn’t even notice that they had moved from the front door and onto the living room couch, with Logan on his back and Jonah on top of him. Jonah’s arms wrapped around Logan holding him close. Slowly Logan pulled away from Jonah, turning his face and gasping out for air. Jonah did the same, but kept a mischievous grin plastered across his face. Logan leaned forward the second he caught his breath wanting more from his lover, but this time Jonah refused to open his lips, preventing Logan access. Taken off guard, Logan looked up at him in surprise, causing Jonah’s grin to spread wider. Jonah gently climbed off of Logan and stood directly above him, watching him with his eyes. Logan remained silent, but held his gaze on Jonah, reading that secret message Logan had just sent him.

“You cut your hair,” Jonah stated while searching the rest of Logan’s body looking for any other changes.

“You grew yours,” Logan stated, in a neutral tone. It wasn’t that Logan didn’t like it. In fact, it was completely the opposite. Logan loved it so much, he became angry and worried that maybe he grew it out for someone else.

Jonah watched Logan carefully before breaking out into another grin and climbing back on top of him. Jonah leaned into Logan so his face was so close he could feel Logan’s worried breaths. Jonah closed his eyes while whispering softly,” I grew it out just for you,” he reassured Logan knowing instantly what was going through his head. Logan let out a small blush, a smile of his own forming wide. Jonah leaned down and their lips connected once more, but this time, there was no hunger, no need for the kiss, just the show of love the two shared in the simple kiss.

Jonah leaned back and sniffed the air. “You didn’t!” Jonah gasped, realizing the heavy smell of the chicken pasta, that Logan had prepared for the two.

“I did,” Logan stated flatly. “But,” he started while sitting up and taking Jonah’s hand in his own, “Mom and Dad won’t be home till later tonight,” he said with an innocent voice. With his own mischievous grin forming at the tip of his lips he stood up and pulled Jonah up with him.

“The food can wait,” he stated matter of factly.

Logan headed upstairs to his room with Jonah tailing very close behind. Food was the last thing on either of their minds at that moment, and with the loud slam and clicking noise that could be recognized as a door being closed and locked, the two had a lot of catching up to do, or so it seemed.

*****

“Jonah!” I cried out in frustration. The more I searched, the more confused I got. There were no offices here, the kitchen that was suppose to be on my left was nothing but open space. The bathrooms that were suppose to be behind all the offices were also nowhere to be seen. Where the hell am I? I didn’t recognize this area at all. All I could see at this point were pillars and a few tables lain out professionally. That’s when I noticed something shiny at the corner of my eye. I made a full one-hundred-and-eighty degree turn with my body and noticed a metal sign mounted on a wall to the far left.

With all the smoke I was unable to read it clearly. I took a few steps and that’s when it hit me. The sign read “Meeting Room”. Slowly it all started to make sense, and I began to get very agitated with myself, for allowing my emotions to fog up my better judgment. I rushed up the stairs so quickly I must have miss counted and went one floor too high. Cursing to myself, I backtracked and reentered the stairway. The smoke from the fire now totally consumed the stairway, and getting through was not going to be an easy task, this was by far now one of the most dangerous parts.

Being very careful and taking each step with total caution, I moved down one floor. The stairway door to this floor was already opened. I began coughing uncontrollably at the amount of smoke that started to fill up my lungs. I took a deep breath, and tried to only breathe when I had to or found an area that wasn’t as consumed by the smoke. I entered the hallway and began feeling a lot more hopeful. I now recognized everything within my sight. I made my way to the back of the hallway and stopped once I was standing right outside his door. It was closed, and I prayed he was inside trying to keep himself safe until someone could rescue him. Feeling nowhere near as much heat compared to the stairway doors, I leaned myself against it and slowly began panicking. What if I was too late? What if he wasn’t even here and I put myself at risk for nothing?

The not too distant sounds of fire crushing metal surprised me enough to make me jump a few feet in the air. I located the source and realized that in a matter of minutes this entire floor would join the rest of the building in flames. Realizing I already wasted enough time, I took another deep breathe and tightly gripped onto the handle.

*****

A frustrated Jonah parked his car in the driveway of the one bedroom house he and his boyfriend had recently moved into. Jonah knew ever since the day at the dance where he saw Logan for the first time, that he was in love. Despite his parents being old fashioned and not accepting his sexual orientation, he knew once he was eighteen they wouldn’t be able to stop him. So he kept Logan a secret to everyone he called a family and friend. Ask anyone and they would tell you Logan and Jonah were just best buddies, but that was just because both boys were very careful and made sure not to show any signs of affection towards the other when in public. Sure, they almost got caught on many occasions, sure, it caused them hell for the two years they had been together, but Logan knew why Jonah had to pretend to be someone he wasn’t. Logan knew if any word about the two of them got around to Jonah’s parents, he would never see Jonah again. Despite how much he wanted to grab Jonah’s hand when one of the sluttish cheerleaders made a move on Jonah, he kept his cool and resisted his urges, because at the end of the day, Logan knew he was the one spending all that time with Jonah in his room, or at the beach, or anywhere the two wished to go.

Logan’s parents took it way better then he ever planned. Both boys had decided to come out to their parents when they turned eighteen, but Logan’s mother caught on just as the two started to get very close. The boys always ended up at Logan’s house after school or on the weekends purely because Logan’s mother worked most hours of the day and hardly spent any time at home. When she did, she made it a priority to know her only son. They would always spend their Saturdays together to try and make up for the lost time through the rest of the week, and Logan was happy for that, but Logan’s mother wasn’t really one to keep her thoughts to herself and asked Logan about Jonah after their first official date. Logan talked it over with Jonah the next day, and they agreed to out themselves to Logan’s mother, that way, at least they had one place where they never had to worry, no matter the time or day.

Jonah put his car in park, and let out a loud sigh. He had just returned from trying to talk things over with his parents, which lead to his mother calling the police and demanding that he be removed from the property for trespassing. Jonah had never seen this side of his parents before, they would ignore his existence completely and just go on as everything was the same as it had always been. No matter how much he tried to prepare himself for this, he just couldn’t. His relationship with his father was one everyone always dreamed of. They would go fishing every weekend, go on camping trips, the day he turned fifteen, his father bought him a brand new car. Jonah knew this was the sacrifice he had to make in order to be with the one he loved, and no matter how much it pained him to be treated by his parents this way, the feeling of Logan wrapped tightly in his arms was worth anything.

Jonah took another breath and calmly made his way into their home.

“Hey. Babe. I’m home,” Jonah called out upon opening the front door. The house was very quiet, too quiet. He made his way to though the kitchen only to see a card on the refrigerator with his name on it.

- Jonah

Got called into work at the last minute. I’ll be home late, there’s roasted chicken pasta in the oven.

Love yours,

Logan xoxo

Jonah smiled as he walked over to the living room where Logan appeared to have been looking through the mail before just getting up and leaving. Jonah threw his school bag down on the coffee table in the middle of the room before sinking down on the sofa right behind it. Just as he was about to read though the mail and relax, the phone went off, leaving him moaning for having to get back up to answer it.

“Hello?” he said politely.

“Hi, I’m looking for Logan Beall,” the older sounding man replied somewhat forcefully.

“I’m sorry, he stepped out. Can I take a message?” Jonah replied, wanting to know what this man wanted with his Logan.

“Ah, you must be Jonah, correct?” the man replied somewhat angrily, which put Jonah on edge.

“Yeah,” Jonah stammered out. “Who is this, and what do you want?” Jonah demanded, not liking where this conversation was going one bit. The line was silent for a brief moment, before the same older voice responded.

“Calm down, young man. My name is Tom Walker, I am Captain of the fire department in district two. I was calling to insist Logan change his mind about joining our Fire program,” the man said determined.

Jonah frowned instantly. “This must be some kind of mistake, Logan told me he wasn’t accepted into your program,” Jonah replied confused. Ever since Jonah met Logan, he knew Logan’s dream was to be a firefighter. He always had a knack for wanting to help people. Logan’s mom had told Jonah it was his dream since he was five.

“There is no misunderstanding, son, Logan declined his application, and said he was no longer interested,” the man said, clearly annoyed at the entire situation.

“I see, I assure you, sir, I had no idea about any of this. Logan lead me to believe he wasn’t accepted.”

“Well he was accepted and declined,” the man paused a second. “Jonah, I don’t know what meaning you have towards Logan, but he speaks very highly of you, so please, would you talk to him about this? This is a once in a lifetime chance and there are hundreds of others who would take his spot in a heartbeat,” he paused again. “Please just ask him to reconsider and give me a call would you?”

“Um, yes sir, I will. Thank you for calling,” Jonah responded, clicking the end button on the phone and dropping it on the sofa.

Right now, Logan was at his full time job as a Property Manger sure it wasn’t something he enjoyed at all, but because he was rejected for the Fire Academy, Logan took the job to help pay the rent and what not. Jonah didn’t know what to make of all this. Why did Logan lie to him? Logan never lied to him.

Jonah just stared in the television set in front of him. He didn’t know what to think. He wanted answers. Jonah looked down at all the mail stuffed into the trash. He took the trashcan and emptied out its contents onto the floor. He wasn’t surprised at all when he found the acceptance letter for the Fire Academy shoved in the very bottom of the trash. Jonah could only think of one person that could answer his question, truthfully. He picked up the phone and hit speed dial number one.

“Hi, it’s Jonah,” he paused as the voice on the other end greeted him. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you were free tonight,” he paused as the voice on the other line answered. “Great, I’ll pick you up in an hour, see you then Ms. Beall.”

*****

Praying for the best, I pushed the wooden door open. Everything seemed normal, his desk was piled with paperwork, his computer was letting out some weird beeping sound every now and again, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Well, nothing but the man who lay on his side just behind his desk. My eyes widened in surprise at how much he had changed, yet he still looked like the same Jonah I had fallen in love with. I rushed over to his side and checked his vital signs. He was not breathing, but it seemed he was still very much alive. I pulled off my jacket and put it under his head. I examined his entire body to make sure he had no cuts, bruises, or wounds.

He seemed very healthy aside from the fact that he was unconscious, most likely due to all the smoke getting into his lungs. I turned him gently so he was now laying flat on his back. Placing one hand on his forehead and one hand on his chin, I tilted his head back. Using my thumb and index fingers, I closed his nostrils and kept his head tilted back by keeping my other hand on his chin. I took a deep breath and placed my lips over Jonah’s and exhaled two full breathes into his mouth. I removed my mouth from each exhale and took another deep breath before placing my lips over his once more. His chest would rise and fall with each breath I took for him. I placed my lips over his for the sixth time, and still, nothing. I wiped away the tears that began to form in my eyes and kept at it. A few breaths later, his deep green eyes opened. He tilted his head to the side and began coughing. I quickly backed off to allow him some space.

By instinct I pulled out a bottle of water I kept in my bag and kneeled down while handing it over to Jonah. He accepted it, but took that very moment to look up in my eyes. Jonah’s eyes grew wide, he continued to stare. I just matched his stare and gave him a weak smile.

“Drink,” I reminded him pointing to the bottle of water I had just given him. He broke eye contact and just stared down at the bottle of water, like it was suddenly very fascinating.

Still staring at the bottle, he slowly began to open it and took a big gulp. He closed his eyes for a brief moment before looking up at me with a very neutral expression. He reached out and attempted to hand what was left in the bottle back over, but I refused with a simple shake of the head. He understood, and held the bottle close to him. I took this moment to really stare at him, look at him long and hard. My eyes couldn’t pry themselves off his slim figure. He still looked like the beautiful twenty-year-old I fell in love with ten years ago. The only thing that stood out was the suit he was wearing. It really did make him look his age for once.

The unmistakable sound of glass crashing down onto the floor took us both by surprise. That got the attention from both of us immediately, as we stared at the closed office door in disbelief. I could feel his eyes focusing on me instantly afterward. Not wanting to waste more time, I slowly stood up and walked over to the closed door. I cautiously place my left hand in the middle of the door, feeling at the temperature. It felt warm, but bearable. I reached out for the handle, and gripped it tightly. Something from above me blew, sending bright sparks of flames jolting about the room. Taking me totally off guard, I flew backward, and covered my head with both arms to help protect myself from the hard concrete floor I was expecting to end up crashing down on me. It never happened, instead I landed in a warm embrace, both arms wrapping around my waist and helping to ease my fall.

“Are you alright?” Jonah whispered gently into my ear once we were both on the floor, in a sitting position. Jonah was still holding onto me for dear life. I could feel his erratic breath very heavily against the side of my face. I was at a loss for words because my breathing was just as bad. I had not felt another warm body for ten years, and all those painful memories I hoped to never relive came flooding back instantly.

***

Jonah sat at the dimly lit kitchen table fiddling with a spoon in a cup filled with coffee. Jonah tilted his head to look over at the clock that now read two a.m. Realizing it wouldn’t be much longer now, he took in a long sniff of the coffee he had in front of him. He, over his better judgment, lifted the cup to his mouth and took a small sip. He closed his eyes and winced at the extremely bitter taste that overtook his mouth. He ripped open four more packets of sugar and poured it in. He began to stir the coffee once more, wondering how anyone in their right mind would drink this very distasteful concoction on a daily basis. Jonah knew he couldn’t wait till morning, no matter how much he craved sleep; he craved answers even more. Ms. Beall was very helpful, but even with her; you never got the whole story. She told you just what you needed to know and left it at that.

Unfortunately that wasn’t enough for Jonah. He knew the only way to get the answers to his questions were from the source, so he waited very patiently. His mind began to wonder many things, and as that happened, many different sangrias to each of the questions he held onto were played out before him. Each different scenario brought forth even more questions he hadn’t even dreamt about until then. That was when he decided to try to relax and drink some coffee that Logan seemed to live off of. For a brief second, a beaming white light engulfed the entire kitchen, followed by a car door closing. Jonah took in a deep breathe and quietly waited.

Logan tiredly stuck his keys in the doorknob and gently pushed it open. He just as gently closed the door and locked it, hoping to make the least amount of noise possible, after all he didn’t want to wake Jonah at this time of the night. Logan let out a soft sigh as he placed his briefcase on the kitchen counter. It had been a long day at the office for Logan. Each day seemed to be the same for him. He would go into work in the early mornings, and not return back home until late in the evening, and slowly, Logan could feel the changes it was having on him. His bosses were lazy pricks who basically just handed all their work down to him and expected him to work all hours of the day to have it complete.

He knew he did his job well, but the fact that he ended up doing his work and then the work of his two bosses was just outright insane, and each night when he drove home the same thoughts overtook his mind, him telling his bosses just exactly how he felt about them and then storming off, right before saying, “I quit!” Somehow, each time he was just about to convince himself that was what he needed to do, he would arrive home where his lovely boyfriend awaited him, and all those thoughts of quitting quickly vanished. Without that job they would still be able to live together, but that would mean Jonah would have to get a fulltime job as well, and at the moment, he was too involved with getting his masters degree in business. Sure, Logan had dreams of his own, ever since he could remember he wanted to be a firefighter, but he took the initiative and told Jonah that he would work full time while Jonah stayed in school to finish his degree. Every day that passed became worse and worse for Logan. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep it up before it ended up driving him into some sort of mental institution. Logan was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even seem to notice the man that sat at the kitchen table with a cup of what smelled like coffee.

Confused that Jonah would still be up at this hour, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes wondering if maybe it was all just in his imagination, but to his surprise it wasn’t. Jonah was really sitting there, staring at him with a hint of a smile at the tip of his lips. Logan found himself instantly smiling, and all the thoughts and frustration he was just feeling seemed to vanish as if they never even existed in the first place.

Logan cheerfully maneuvered his way over to Jonah, and careful guided himself directly behind the man he loved. Logan wrapped both arms around Jonah, while leaning into him and allowing himself to sink into Jonah. Logan brushed his lips softly over Jonah’s cheek.

“It’s not that I’m complaining, but why are you still awake, babe?” Logan asked carefully, not wanting to ruin a moment, if that was Jonah’s plan all along.

There was a long pause, and Logan slowly began to worry that something was wrong. His worries were put aside once Jonah replied, “Would you believe me if I said I missed you?” Jonah asked playfully always knowing just the right things to say.

Suddenly a seductive grin was plastered across Logan’s face, and he knew what this was all about. “Oh yeah? How about we go upstairs and you show me just how much you missed me,” Logan whispered seductively into Jonah’s ear.

“There was a phone call for you today,” Jonah stated, clearly ignoring Logan’s previous comments. Logan smiled knowing Jonah was changing the subject, but wondering where this was going he played along.

“Oh yeah? Who from?” he asked casually. Logan leaned closer to Jonah, and began to softly nibble on Jonah’s earlobe, knowing full well what it would do to the man.

“He claimed his name was Tom,” Jonah answered with a hint of amusement in his tone. Logan’s brow furrowed. He knew many, though none of which would have his number, and bother calling it. He leaned into Jonah even more, becoming even more interested in who this Tom fellow was.

“Hmm, what did he want?” Logan asked hoping this would help to indicate just who this Tom was.

Logan could feel Jonah stiffen just a little, but before he could ask what it was about Jonah spoke. “You,” he said quietly.

Logan’s entire face fell and he was hoping he misunderstood Jonah for a second. Logan lifted himself from the comfort of the warm body he was holding onto and walked around the table and into the unoccupied chair that was placed directly in front of Jonah.

“I don’t think I heard you right, what did he want?” Logan asked again while studying Jonah very carefully.

Jonah let out a loud sigh before his eyes found Logan’s intense gaze and he answered once more. “You,” Jonah said a bit louder this time. “He wanted you,” Jonah repeated a second time, dropping his gaze back to his lap where a plain white envelope was placed.

Logan was silent, most likely trying to figure this all out, so Jonah figured it was time to stop with the games and just get straight to it, and so he did. He lifted the plain white envelope from his lap and placed it across the table into Logan’s perfect line of sight. During this entire exchange, Logan could feel something entirely different about Jonah, but he hadn’t had the slightest clue what it was, not until he saw the envelope, that is. It wasn’t the envelope itself that caught his breath It was the small red logo on the top left corner that had Logan clearly speechless.

“Where… where did you find this?” Logan questioned barely getting the words out of his mouth.

“At the bottom of the trash can,” Jonah replied honestly with no hesitation at all. Jonah wasn’t one to lie unless it was a life or death situation. Jonah always felt that lying was only done to contain something, to hide something about him or something that he never wanted anyone else to know, but Jonah had nothing to hide from Logan, therefore he never felt the need to lie, maybe a white lie here or there, but even those were rare. Jonah always thought Logan felt the same way, but now it seems there were things he didn’t know anymore.

“Who the fuck do you think you are going though my trash?” Logan spat out angrily.

The sudden change in Logan’s demeanor took Jonah off guard big time. Sure, he knew there would be some kind of conflict, but he always pictured him being the one all upset and demanding answers, not Logan. This, for him, was entirely odd and really had him confused.

“What?” Jonah finally replied, totally confused.

“You heard me. Why were you going through the trash? Were you jealous that this guy was someone I was cheating on you with, so you thought you’d go and look though the fucking trash for answers? Why didn’t you just go to my mother?”

Jonah couldn’t hide the guilty look on his face at Logan’s last statement, because he indeed had gone to Logan’s mother for answers, but not for the reasons Logan was suggesting. Logan noticed the look of guilt right away and took that opportunity to feed from it.

“You went to my fucking mother?” Logan demanded. “Just because your parents hate you does not give you the right to go to my mother with all your fucking problems. She has enough shit to deal with,” Logan spat out once more before even thinking about what had been coming out of his mouth.

Without warning, Jonah’s fist shot up and hit Logan square in the jaw, sending him stumbling a few feet backward. Logan’s face was in shock, his mouth hung open and tears began to form at the corner of his eyelids. Logan didn’t know why he’d said all that he had, he didn’t even know he had that kind of side to him, but he knew he screwed up, and by trying to turn this whole thing around on to Jonah, it was even worse. Jonah’s entire face was flushed; he had not once hit another man, or anyone for that matter, before in his entire life. He couldn’t believe the words Logan spat at him and gave him a forced apologetic look before storming out of the house.

*****

“Logan?” Jonah whispered into my ear causing me to snap out of my thoughts and nearly fall onto the floor, but Jonah’s arms were still wrapped around me and his grip tightened.

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?”

“F-fine,” I managed to say. I stared at the door that was now blocked by some electrical wires that were still sparking.

“Fuck,” I swore to myself knowing that our only visible exit was now blocked, and even if the wires weren’t in the way, the reason they blew the way they had was because of the fire, so the other side of that door was more than likely filled with flames.

“We’re not making it out, are we?” Jonah asked, noticing the way I was staring at the door. It didn’t respond, there was no point in lying to him and telling him everything was going to be okay.

Jonah never was one to hide his feelings, but at this moment they showed more then ever, he was concerned about me. He was always concerned about me. Being able to feel all his pain, just by staring into those eyes put a feeling in my chest that I never thought I’d ever feel again. I wanted more than ever to just rush into his arms and ask him to hold me forever. I closed my eyes, unable to look at him any more. Every second I watched him, it pained me to know we’d never be able to have what we once had. I felt his soft hand gently land on my shoulder. I let out the breath I was holding and opened my eyes. He moved even closer to me, until he was so close I could feel his heavy breaths wash over me, our eyes never once leaving the others. We both watched each other so intensely; it scared the living crap out of me. The closer he got to me, the more I backed away, knowing where this was leading to, but he continued to move forward, and I continued to back away until suddenly, I hit the wall and there was no where left to run.

“Jonah, don‘t,” I protested weakly. My voice was so shaky, so uncertain, that I didn’t even believe myself. Jonah’s eyes started to get teary, but he leaned closer anyway, and softly whispered into my ear, “I’m so sorry, Logan.” He tried to hold back his sniffles, but I heard them perfectly. I tried my hardest not to look at him, but no matter how hard I tried my eyes were locked onto his and my own eyes began to tear. Jonah slowly started to back away from me now, our eyes were still locked, but he soon diverted them to the floor and slowly began to turn away from me.

“Jonah, wait,” I blurted out, not being able to handle him walking away from me again.

His entire body stiffened up, but slowly he turned back around. His eyes were all puffy and red. He turned away from me because he didn’t want me to see him crying. I started moving towards him, but stopped dead in my tracks the instant I heard a loud crackling sound. My eyes scanned the medium sized office, for what, I don’t know. There was a disturbing silence until I heard another loud crackling sound. Not knowing where it was coming from, I looked at Jonah.

“Do you hear that?” I asked desperately, wanting to know what it was. He looked at me again and just gave me a worried nod. Glad that I wasn’t going insane or anything, I slowly walked around the office. There was another loud crackling sound, but this time it was followed by a lot of static and voices.

“Shit,” I called out, while running over to my backpack that lay on the floor. I quickly snatched the bag from the floor and pulled out the source of the noise. The radio crackled once more and was followed by a distinctly familiar voice.

“Damn it, Logan, respond!” the same familiar voice boomed though the radio. I looked over at Jonah who looked back at me with a surprised expression.

“Logan, please, if you can hear me respond,” Tom begged weakly. I was speechless, not once in my ten years at the academy had I heard Tom beg.

“Tom, this is Logan. Can you hear me?” I replied loudly, praying that the radio wasn’t damaged and able to broadcast outwards.

There was a brief moment of silence, and I swear it felt like forever. I closed my eyes and prayed that someone could hear me. After about the longest five seconds of my life, there was static… then more static…

“You son of a bitch, I swear to god if you make it out alive, that ass of yours is going to take such a beating…”

“Sir?” could be heard in the background by, I was guessing, another firefighter under Tom’s command.

“What’s your status, Son,” Tom demanded in a much calmer tone.

“Not good, Sir. I managed to find Jonah and we are stuck in his office, we are surrounded by fire, and I can’t see any other visible exits.”

“Jonah? The same Jonah that broke your heart?” Tom questioned, not sounding very happy.

I kept eye contact with Jonah during the entire exchange with Tom. Jonah’s expression tightened briefly at the mention of his name, but he shrugged it off quickly, and broke my gaze instantly.

“Sir…this isn’t the time,” I protested.

“Yes, you are right this isn’t the proper time for that.” There was a brief moment of silence, “Logan, you said you are on the third floor correct?”

“Yes, Sir,” I responded immediately. More silence…

“Logan, I have the blueprints of the building with me right now. We are trying to find and plan your escape route so bear with us for a few seconds.”

“Yes, Sir,” I let go of the key that allowed me to speak and gently placed the radio on the floor next to me.

For some reason a big weight seemed to have been taken off my shoulders. Ever since I got off that truck, I let my emotions take over my head, and through my better judgment, ran into a burning building, with no plan or method of getting out. I knew that if somehow we managed to make it out alive, that I would no longer have a job, but that really was the last thing on my mind right now. For ten years I kept my distance from Jonah, not because I hated him, not because I knew he hated me, but because I was at a loss for words. I knew a lot of time had passed and we both ended up going our separate ways and being successful. I never did understand why Jonah left the way he did, and just thinking about it brought a lot more painful memories.

*****

“Hey babe, I’m glad your home. Look, I was hoping we could talk…” Logan said once he entered their home but stopped mid-sentence once he saw the pile of boxes stacked up by the door. Jonah sat in the exact same spot he had the day before, but this time there was no coffee in front of him. Jonah looked up and matched Logan’s gaze, but sadly looked away in shame.

“What’s going on?” Logan asked sadly, a part of him knowing exactly what was going on, but he wanted to hear it from Jonah, he needed to.

“Logan, look this is really hard for me to do…”

“Then don’t do it,” Logan replied simply, pleading with Jonah one last time. Logan couldn’t contain himself, he was on the verge of tears.

“I love you, Logan. I’ll always love you, but I can’t do this anymore. I won’t” Jonah couldn’t look at Logan, he knew the instant he looked into those beautiful clear blue eyes his heart would skip a beat and he’d give in to Logan like he had always done.

“So that’s it? You’re just going to up and leave because we had a little misunderstanding?” Logan’s entire demeanor changed once more, he was no longer pleading, at this point he was demanding answers.

“It’s more than that, and you know it,” Jonah snapped getting sick and tired of Logan’s guilt trips, he knew what Logan was doing, and he wouldn’t let him do it. “I’m sorry,” sometime during this conversation Jonah stood up and slowly made his way towards the front door, with his remaining two suitcases in hand.

“No, I’m sorry… I’m sorry I gave you my heart, I’m sorry for showing you affection, I’m sorry I ruined my entire life, going to a job that drove me insane each and every day just for you, but most importantly I’m sorry I ever loved you,” Logan’s words were cold, it was something Jonah would never forget, but he expected it, and because of that those words didn’t take him by surprise. He slowly nodded his head, and reached out for the door handle.

Logan couldn’t stop the words from coming out of his mouth, he promised himself he would never say them, yet somehow, they were said. “If you walk out that door, I never want to see or hear from you again.” It was something he was going to regret for the rest of his life, Logan knew that, but it was all he could think of to do as a desperate last attempt to save his relationship.

Logan collapsed to the floor the minute Jonah walked out the door and drove away. His screams and cries were loud enough to wake the entire block, but he didn’t care, he wanted someone to come over and complain, as far as he knew his life was already over…

*****

I watched Jonah, as he stared intensely at the ground, obviously in deep thought like I was. I wanted more than anything to just be in Jonah’s arms forgetting the entire world around us and enjoying each other.

Even though Jonah left me ten years ago, I know why he did it now, and I couldn’t ever resent him for it. He only did what he thought best, and he was right, I’m not sure how much longer I could have faked being happy with the job I was currently doing. Sure, it hurt like hell to lose the person I loved, but in his defense, he was only doing what he thought was best for me… for us.

Throughout those ten years, we would, on occasion, run into each other, but for my part at least, I always tried to avoid him. For the most part it would work, but no matter how much I avoided him, he was consistently on my mind.

The reason I tried to avoid him wasn’t because I hated him, it was the total opposite. I loved him so much that it pained me to see if him smiling, or with someone else. To know that he was doing so great and so happy, while I was so miserable on the inside, killed me. I wished more than anything, that he knew what it felt like to just have the man you love pack up and leave, all those years we spent together, to just become another memory, another nightmare that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Logan,” Tom called out, but to Logan’s end he could barely make out his name being called out over the radio, Tom kept cutting in and out, and it seemed the fire was beginning to make it difficult for the two to communicate.

“Tom, I can barely hear you, your breaking up.”

“Log… ther is another door… leads to basem… .”

“Tom, I can’t understand you, please repeat that message.”

“Loga… Look for…. Door.”

That’s when the signal went dead all together. I tried to change channels and call back, but there was no luck. I tossed the radio against the wall in frustration.

”Fuck,” I cried out. My body sunk to the floor and my hands covered my face. I took a deep breathe and tried to make sense of what I heard from Tom.

“Door, he said something about another door,” I said out loud, not really expecting an answer of any kind, but I got one.

“That’s it,” Jonah shouted while quickly jumping to his feet, he ran towards a bunch of file cabinets against the other side of the office. I watched him in confusion. “Logan come on, I need your help,” he called out, waving me over. I stood up and ran over to him.

Together we pushed two cabinets that were in front of what seemed to be a typical place to store a filing cabinet, but once they were clearly away from the wall I noticed it wasn’t a wall the cabinets were against, it was a door, most likely the same door Tom had mentioned.

“You mean you knew this was here the whole time?” I was upset at Jonah, not seeing why he hadn’t thought about this before.

My attempt at confrontation was ignored as he simply just walked right past me and back to his desk, he pulled out a few things and tossed them into his briefcase. Understanding why I was being ignored, I too went back to his desk and zipped up my backpack before placing it back in its rightful place across my chest. I placed my hand on the doorknob and closed my eyes, praying to myself that this was finally our way out. I took another deep breath, and twisted the knob open. The door slowly swung open. Strangely enough, it seemed to be a secret stairway.

To my surprise there was no smoke or fire yet to be detected. Taking that as a good sign, I lead us down the stairway cautiously until finally there were no more stairs.

“Fuck,” I swore again out loud. At the bottom of the staircase there was only one door that would lead us north-east, but that’s not what worried me. It was the smoke that proceeded to pour into the staircase slowly from the cracks at the bottom of the door.

I threw the backpack off of my shoulder and pulled out two fireproof coats from the bag. I instructed Jonah to put one on, and after some hesitation, he did. I also put mine on and hoped for the best on the other side of that door. I told Jonah to take a deep breath on my mark.

“Now,” I instructed as I reached out and opened the door. Smoke overtook the staircase, as well as whatever room we were now in. The temperature in the room was burning, there wasn’t much I could do to stop myself from inhaling the fumes from the smoke and God knows what else. I reached out for Jonah’s hand and gripped onto it tightly, not wanting us to get separated. We moved as quickly as we could, but without being able to see much we really didn’t know where we were going. Jonah began coughing again and I knew that was a bad sign. I tried scanning the room again but still could not see a damn thing. We kept moving, hoping, praying that something would help lead us to some sort of exit. In the corner of my eye I swear I saw a green light flicker. I kept spinning myself around in a circle hoping I wasn’t going crazy and starting to just see things, but then there it was again. It wasn’t just a light, it was a lit up word, or at least I think it was a word. Not knowing what else to do, I moved towards the light, each and every time it flickered, I would move closer and closer, and the closer I moved the longer it seemed to take until it flickered again. The closer we got the more I could start to make out the words.

Ex.. Ex… What the bloody hell is ex… SHIT!

“Exit” I whispered pointing towards the flicking green light.

“You’re right it’s an exit. Oh my God, Logan. We’re going to make it,” Jonah practically screamed.

Jonah then ran ahead of me towards the door, but stopped a few feet short of it and turned back around towards me.

“Come on, Logan,” he was smiling, for the first time in God knows how long. Jonah was smiling. It was more than enough to send shivers of joy down my spine. I found myself smiling back and slowly I walked towards him with him watching my every move. Within seconds he was no longer smiling, that once rich, genuine smile was replaced with fear, and horror. I stopped moving and stood there dumbfounded, wondering what on earth caused Jonah’s expression to change. I never got the chance to turn around and find out, because the next thing I knew, I was on the floor in a pain I didn’t even imagine was possible. I tired to get up but something was wrong.

I couldn’t feel my legs… For that matter, I couldn’t feel anything below my waist. I heard a loud gasp, followed by heavy footsteps.

“No,” was the only thing I could mange to shout out. The pain was becoming too much, I was trying to stay calm and not cry, but the pain kept throbbing even more. I could hear my breathing becoming very erratic.

“You have to go,” I shouted in between breaths, pointing towards the door. Jonah froze in place, those crystal blue eyes watching me intensely as they began to cloud up.

“I…I…I can’t.”

“Jonah, listen to me, you need to go and get help, please,” I begged him with everything I could. All I knew was that I got hit hard, the pain that wouldn’t subside and only increased made that more than perfectly clear to me.

“But… but,” Jonah’s body was shaking, I knew the position he was in, but I also knew that the longer he waited, the worse things would get and he may not even be able to get out.

“Jonah, we don’t have time. I didn’t just risk everything for you to decide you want to be a hero, now get the hell out,” I finally shouted in frustration, all the pain and anger that was filling inside of me began to unleash at Jonah, and as much as it pained me to say those things to him, I needed him to get out, and fast.

“Logan, I lo…” something from above us landed directly in between Jonah and I, causing me to block my face with my hands, as the debris and smoke shot straight into my face. I tilted my head as far back as I could and looked up, noticing that it was a tile that flung down to the floor, and by the looks of it, a lot more were about to start falling.

“Jonah, go now, GO,” I screamed one last time. “Please…” tears were forming in my eyes, I matched his hard stare, pleading with him, using my eyes and nothing else. Jonah nodded, and slowly turned around and ran for the door. I watched him the entire time as I held back my sobs and slowly wiggled around still trying to get free of whatever it was that held me pinned down onto the floor.

“I’ll be back, with help… I promise.”

Jonah twisted the handle and had to force the door open somewhat. Funny thing was, this time I knew he would be back, and so I calmed myself down and waited knowing everything was finally going to be okay.

*****

After what seemed like an eternity, Jonah managed to make it out of the building. The paramedics were the first ones to spot Jonah and were all over him within seconds of his exit from the building. He tried to explain to them that Logan was still trapped and that he needed help, but no one would listen. They began to tell him that he was the only one still in the building and that the man still stuck must have just been an illusion. He was about to protest, but the paramedics proceeded to put a mask of some sort over Jonah’s face. Jonah knew it wasn’t just an illusion, but he knew no one would believe him. Jonah overheard a firefighter call out the name Tom, and that got his full attention. Jonah, not ever having seen Tom before, didn’t have the slightest idea what the man looked like, or if this Tom was the same Tom that had taken care of Logan for all these years. Jonah pushed the mask away from his face and rushed over to the one man he hoped could help him, the paramedics chasing after him.

“Tom!” Jonah shouted.

Tom turned briefly only to be face to face with a young man that reminded him an awful lot of Logan.

“JONAH?” Tom hollered, stopping the paramedics who were now trying to take Jonah back to their vehicle.

“Sorry, Sir. We need to take him to the ER, he claims to be seeing illusions,” one of the paramedics said.

“Where’s Logan?” Tom shouted, ignoring the paramedics who were about to get in his way.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say. He’s still stuck in there, he needs help, please,” Jonah was weeping now, his eyes pleading with Tom’s.

“Wait you mean there’s really someone else in…” one of the paramedics began, only to be cut off by Tom.

Tom rushed over to the fire truck and began shouting orders to everyone within his ranks, and began putting on his own gear that he had never had to use before.

“Jonah, put this on. I’m going to need you to show me exactly where you came out from. Do you think you can do that?” Tom handed Jonah a new fire coat to replace the burnt one he still had on, as well as a fire mask, that Tom also put on.

With a simple nod, the two set off towards the back of the building with five others right behind them.

Jonah led them to the doorway he had exited from and was instructed to stay put, while Tom and the five others approached the building with caution. The building began slowly collapsing. Tom yanked the door open and the door exploded open with more force than Tom had been expecting.

“Sir, the buildings going to blow,” someone shouted from a distance. The five firefighters made a mad dash away from the building. Tom turned and grabbed Jonah who just stood there with no intentions of running away.

The explosion was nothing that any of them expected or was ready for. The building started to collapse from the top down. The explosion sent pieces of everything flying into the crowd, flying everywhere. There was nothing more anyone could do, the building was long gone and anyone still trapped inside was as good as dead. Everyone stood back and watched the remaining parts of the building burn to the ground.

Jonah sat on the floor, shaking his head in disbelief. Tom watched him carefully, and after taking a deep breath, wrapped an arm around Jonah and pulled him into him.

“I…I…I,” Jonah couldn’t form words, or even sobs.

His entire body was shaking uncontrollably and Tom held him tight, trying to stay strong, no matter how much pain he himself felt. Tom’s tears filled up quickly, he couldn’t hold back his cries any longer, and the two held each other, with tears quickly flooding down their eyes.

“I love you, Logan… I’ll always love you,” Jonah screamed out, in between his cries.

“Jonah.”

“JONAH.”

Tom and Jonah instantly turned in the direction of the voice they heard. Neither one of them was crying anymore.

In the distance, a figured laid on his stomach, slowly crawling away from the building.

“LOGAN!” they both screamed in unison.

“Help, over here, we need some help!” Tom shouted loud enough to be heard from miles away.

Paramedics, as well as firefighters, approached him with caution, being very careful not to move him not knowing his condition. They treated him quickly for the minor bruises and placed a face mask over him to help him breathe. He was still conscious and that was a very good sign. They gently lifted Logan up and placed him on a stretcher.

Jonah stood next to Logan as they slowly rolled him to the ambulance.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but you need to step away,” one of the paramedics said to Jonah, but Tom interfered.

“Give them a few minutes will you? Then we will leave you to your job,” Tom said placing a hand on Jonah’s shoulder and giving him a soft squeeze. “Take care of him, Son,” Tom whispered to Jonah, and walked away leaving them alone for a moment.

“I’m so sorry,” Jonah couldn’t contain his tears any longer, he never once ha felt so much emotion in one day and it was unreal to him. Logan slightly lifted his left hand up off the stretcher and placed it into Jonah’s hand.

“Everything’s going to be fine, babe,” Logan reassured him.

“I thought I lost you,” Jonah announced. Jonah and Logan stared into each others eyes long and hard, until finally Logan spoke.

“Not this time, babe... Not this time."

© 2008 Meeko (L0st Cause)

Discuss This Story Here