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Former Member

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Former Member last won the day on August 1 2013

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  1. Hello guys and girls, I am currently developing a story and I’d like to get feedback from you. It is a three-part story; each part tells the story of one character in this unreciprocated love triangle. Here it is VERY summarized, so please forgive me if there are plot holes – let me know! (if this is NOT the right place for this, please forgive me and let me know) John was a 36 years old lawyer, married to Robert, who was 25 years-old aspiring actor and brother to Daniel, a 30 years old executive assistant. John and Robert had been married for five years and Daniel had just divorced his wife after four years. After that, their lives took a very unexpected turn that culminated in a terrible event. John was always devoted to Robert, from the moment they met. He made sure Robert was provided with everything, material and emotional, and Robert received it with kindness. John was the first-born in his family and his parents loved him to the point of giving him a senior partnership at their law firm. After his brother Daniel's divorce was finalized, John realized his husband was overly distracted and aloof. When confronted, Robert was defensive and aggressive, which was never part of his behavior. That drove John insane, because, for the first time, John felt he was losing control of a situation. Then, Robert began to tell John that he had to work late hours, almost every day and whenever Jonh questioned him, he would defer the explanation. John followed him after his rehearsals, consulted with his friends and little by little was getting close to a conclusion he feared: he was being cheated on. John knew that confronting him about it would only be effective when he had proof, so he waited for the right moment, but was surprised when Robert was the first one to start such confrontation. He knew all was lost then, but he also knew that he needed to let Robert know who he was, and put him in his place... Robert was a beautiful, athletic young man, with a golden heart. Although he had a tumultuous past - he was abandoned by his mother when he was 11, lived in foster homes and became a street hustler - he had hope to find a way to live a better life. His life as a hustler became unbearable when it started to involve trafficking, gang wars, and life threats... When he met Daniel at that gay club one night, he felt he saw the face of God. But because of the fact that Daniel was straight, he had other plans and introduced his brother to Robert. Even so, Robert was seduced by all the possibilities of a better life that John could give him and took the opportunity, falling in love with him, moving into his house and getting married just 7 months later. Also, at the same time, Daniel and Sarah - a long time friend of John's - got married, and Robert placed that initial feeling for his brother-in-law, down, somewhere in his heart. After he heard Daniel got divorced he began to give him support, seeing no one else was, because Daniel was very fragile and had clinical depression. To be able to give such support, he had to lie to his husband about where he was after work because of two major factors: he knew John and Daniel's relationship was tumultuous and unconsciously, a different feeling for Daniel was blossoming and he knew he had to hide it from his husband. Robert found himself trapped between his marriage and the confusing feelings for his straight brother-in-law, thus he knew he had to put an end to it and also clarify some dark aspects of his marriage... Daniel was just 6 years old when his brother, five years older, came out to his parents. What he found different was that his parents actually celebrated their first-born being gay. He always felt that his parents never really liked him and the preference for his brother was obvious in every possible way. Daniel's personality was the extreme opposite of his brother: he was introverted, quiet, in the shadows and complacent. As they became older, Daniel realized that John was taking more and more control of his life, telling him what to do, who to talk to, what girls to date... During college, John introduced Daniel to a girl and demanded her to take his virginity. Everything about Daniel was conducted by his brother and his parents never interfered. It was no different when John left his parents home and brought Daniel with him to live at a mansion together. Until the day came when John took him everywhere, including to a gay club. He had a habit of leaving Daniel alone after some hours, without giving him notice. In one of those nights, Daniel met Robert. Because John had found a companion, Daniel saw that John would never stick with him for long and soon enough, John introduced a friend of his to Daniel: Sarah. She was a beautiful girl, very opinionated, strong and reminded him a lot of John. Even so, Daniel fell in love with her and they got married. Daniel devoted his life to his wife, afterall, it was the first time someone was loving him. But all started derailing when he slipped and cheated on his wife. Daniel told Sarah about it and she was ruthless. They did not separate, but she made sure to humiliate him and cheat on him with many men. After one and a half year of hell and his depression getting worse, his wife asked for a divorce. Filled with guilt and regret, he let her take every material thing they had, and he was left with nothing and no one's help or mercy. When his divorce finalized, it was like a tombstone was laid on his grave and it was the deepest gloom he had ever been in. The only person that came to his rescue and tried to help him was his brother-in-law, Robert. But despite the therapy, the medicines and Robert's attempts, John's plots, his parents denial and his ex-wife humiliation only made it worse. Daniel knew it would be hard to recover from it, but after receiving a call from his brother, he felt life was impossible to cope with. One night, in his worse moment, Daniel told Robert he had to be true to his feelings. Robert immediately left him to have a conversation with John. When they got to talk, Robert questioned John about his relationship with his brother, his lust for power and control and if he had anything to do with Daniel's cheat. John revealed his intentions and what he had done in the past but made sure to tell Robert it was out of love. When Robert told John he was in love with his brother, John laughed on the outside, but on the inside, he could not believe that his own husband was leaving him for an impossible relationship, so he reminded Robert of the life he gave him and that he knew about his past. Nevertheless, Robert decided to stick with his feelings and left John and everything behind, to go back to Daniel and finally tell him about his love. But John called Daniel and humiliated him in such way, that it would be too late when Robert got there...
  2. Former Member

    Birthday Policy Change

    it happened to me on phone, but on desktop it works fine
  3. Former Member

    Birthday Policy Change

    When it comes to politics... they`re all little devils hungry for power and the money of the taxpayers...and the devils...?
  4. Former Member

    Birthday Policy Change

    Umm... EU and their bs. I'm sorry all those paper pushing, ink licking little suits and ties give you guys headaches... Bureaucracy.... bs! Hahahaha I think the internet should have its very own laws and rules and that no government could force their own stuff onto users.... because like I've said it's bs! I mean does it mean that some banana republic could...say give access to pornography to people under 18 without any trouble, while in the other country you could not access the same content unless you are 18+ ? (The content doesn't have to be pornography i just used it as an example) besides....if the site is from the USA, what the hell does the EU want? Lmao. I think there should be rules as to what and how on the internet, but not dependent on country or continent but those rules should be the same wherever you are. Either way sorry for the nonsense essay. Lol I just hate it when some smart butt politicians think they can push their noses where it doesn't belong! What, next thing they do is ban this site from existing because it's called "Gay authors"
  5. Former Member

    Silent Screams

    You're welcome. So how you been lately?
  6. Former Member

    Dialogue Punctuation

    Geez... It looks like I'll have to re-write 12951 words...
  7. Former Member

    Dialogue Punctuation

    Thank you very much! I am learning and taking notes! Thank you! About the POV, the way I am writing the story is: I have 3 chapters. Each chapter shows the same story through another POV. So on that excerpt, I am the author telling the story but focusing on John's feelings. Then later I'll be the author telling the story focusing on Robert's feeling and so forth. Does that make sense? I'm telling the story this way because I want the readers to know what's going on with each character depending on their POVs. I want the readers to have their own conclusions because at the end I will show them these characters are not who they appear to be. I was wrong. The emphasis should be on the "I" because of the way John's character is. John is controlling, manipulative and selfish. His message to his husband is: you don't choose to go somewhere by yourself. If I'm not there, you're not going. You go where I go. Anyway, it has to be with me. Again, thank you for the lessons and tips!
  8. Former Member

    Dialogue Punctuation

    Thank you for your input! For what I have learned, best way to find a editor/beta is to post on the forum saying I'm looking for one? English is not my first language, so I need corrections, yes. But in regards to the dialogue style, I really stand by it. I know it does look like a script, but I dont feel like I'm cheating just because I'm not writing continuous sentences with many quote marks. I do stop and write narration and about what the character is feeling, how he physically reacted and the setting and movements. Here is an example: "They were looking at each other: Robert looking coldly at John. John’s face in rage, red, his heart beating a little faster. After all, his husband just confronted him, and what’s worse, in front of someone else. He hated that! John looked back at Robert’s confrontational look and his glass was up in the air, his arm was still. Daniel was looking at John, with disgust. John – You’re not going anywhere without me! Although you seem to forget, sometimes, we are married! Anywhere I go, you go! I’m not letting you go to a club and be ‘Peter Pan’ by yourself. Robert – Whatever! Then I guess you’d have to come with us…" Why is it so wrong to do it this way? Thanks!!!
  9. Former Member

    Muscle Memory by Dylan

    Wow... That's a mess... Hoping you recovered or will recover completely. I'm still kicking ass and still alive. LOL Anyway I'll get around to it tonight.
  10. Former Member

    Muscle Memory by Dylan

    Are there any new chapters? Was missing you man.
  11. Former Member

    Editing Status Updates!

    Yeah. Happened a few times that I had to delete it, and post again with the corrections...
  12. Former Member

    Broken Advertisement Links

    Chrome's ad blockers usually have the option to "white list" individual sites. If not, then you can always get a new one from chrome's store.
  13. Former Member

    Broken Advertisement Links

    I think the topic about the fantasy and sci-fi story "rules" is still online, I've replied. If it's a link to another site... Then I don't know if it's broken...or still working. And yes there were dead links... But that's just the interwebs.... Some pages/sites/content just come and go.
  14. Former Member

    Okay...A Better Imagine Question...

    Fight it? No... I think that's a strong word, but no.... I wasn't really happy about it... The first experience was just before getting together with my boyfriend. Nothing special about it... I just observed the others around and noted to myself that a few of the boys are also way too...umm. cute. I didn't even think about what that means you know... It popped out of my head and it felt "okay". Then I've found myself in my private time thinking about some of the boys. Yeah. After that I thought it's probably some mental illness. Well as I defined it at the time "crazy" lol I wasn't sure if it's really normal or that it means I'm some sort of side product. I believe the worst thing about my sexual orientation was, and still is there's nobody to talk about it. Literally nobody except this place. At the time I thought about asking my parents, but that was never a good idea, no matter the topic, I was too shy to ask my grandparents or anyone else for that matter, so I shut it all inside, and lived on in uncertainty for long. Too long. Well until I saw my boyfriend. That day changed everything. No not immediately, but as I've managed to get closer to him, I was getting closer to losing my troubles. There was no debates in my head, I just did what I do to this day....Throw away the useless complications and get straight to the point without the shtload of headaches and heartbreaks. So...I like to think I was okay with the fact that I'm some sort of side product of the "normal" even though... nevermind. Yes, that's right. To this day I've never actually settled it inside my head, because there is nothing to settle, it's just plain ol' me, end of story.
  15. Former Member

    Which Word Processor

    The values set for contrast are probably stored with the formatting... Maybe.
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