Carter's Army - 10. Chapter 10

December 5th

Clothes paid for, Will shifted the bags in his hand as he stood with his uncle in the atrium in front of Sears. He was feeling awkward; how did he get out of this thing with Andrew while still convincing his uncle that there was nothing wrong. It was like walking a tightrope with an impossible drop on either side. He really had no choice at all except to grin and bear it.

He smiled his thanks at his uncle. "I really appreciate this," he said his voice filled with sincerity.

His uncle had insisted he wear the new jacket and shoes out of the store with him. And he had to admit he looked quite smart in them. Rebel without a clue. He grinned at that and glanced up at the glass elevator that swept down into the parking lot and noticed a kid who had pressed his nose to the glass to stare at the people he passed by.

Arthur waved his hand, "No problem, you be good and get home safely." He turned to leave and stopped, turning back, "And I will pick you up on Sunday for supper. Get a good meal into you."

Will grinned at that, a good meal by French standards was like four for anyone else. It was his aunt's sole purpose in life, it seemed, to be able to cook anything at any time and have it come out a gourmet meal. He found his stomach rumbling, he had only had a couple of spoonfuls of Brody's Pea soup before the madness had swept him away from his meal.

Arthur must have heard it because he smiled and fished into his wallet again, pulling out some mixed bills he only briefly glanced at before he pushed them into Will's hand, "To tide you over," he said with a smile.

Will couldn't help it; he just threw his arms around his uncle and held onto him for a bit, finally stepping back and wiping the dampness from his eyes.

Arthur smiled at him, and then he was gone, leaving Will alone.

He sighed as he moved to sit down on one of the benches, content to wait for Andrew. His life had been turned upside down; a single kiss and a single dream had changed his entire life. He contemplated running then, going up to the bus station and catching one back home. It seemed like a good idea, get away from Andrew before anything else changed.

Andrew exited the store, and quickly the idea of running was quashed. Will sat there watching the guy that in turn was searching the crowd looking for him. Andrew was undeniably handsome in a clean, crisp, white dress shirt and khaki Dockers. The dark green varsity jacket with its white leather sleeves. His blond hair neatly combed and parted just off the centre. He was like a poster boy for the good Canadian boy. Those shocking blue eyes that drifted over the crowd and finally settled on him.

Will blushed; it was reflexive, and he couldn't help it. Those blue eyes just seemed to sparkle when they met his. And the shy smile on Andrew's face that said he was relieved to see Will had actually waited for him.

Will swallowed knowing that he was screwed. Too much of looking into those eyes and the resolute part of him that had said no that afternoon would be swept away. He suddenly grew nervous, what if Andrew didn't feel the same way...or worse what if he did? Could Will handle either? It had taken everything he had to try to protect Andrew that afternoon, but here they were only a few hours later...

"I'm glad you waited," Andrew said sticking his hands into his pockets and bouncing slightly up onto the balls of his feet. It was a nervous gesture, something he obviously wasn't aware he was doing. Like a little boy who couldn't stay still too long. Will noticed it and grinned inwardly, at least he wasn't the only one scared to death.

"I didn't have much choice." Will said dryly as he got to his feet, picking up his bags.

Andrew reached down to take a few from him, "I'm sorry," he said and Will noticed for the first time how strong Andrew's voice was; there was an inner confidence in the way he said the words. "I had to talk to you and I didn't think you would agree any other way."

Will rolled his shoulders a bit, "Yeah I thought we...well this afternoon I figured..."

Andrew nodded towards the glass elevator, and the two got in. Will was a little puzzled by that, weren't they supposed to be going to the food court? Why then were they now stepping out of the elevator into the parking lot?

Andrew crossed to his car, the Mustang looked a little battered from the accident, but the windows had been replaced and most of the bodywork had been repaired. Will couldn't help but smile at the thought of the night huddled in the back of it, and the intense dream he had afterwards.

Andrew flipped open the trunk and set Will's bags inside, waiting for Will to do the same before closing it. He stood hesitantly a moment looking at Will before he asked, "So you want to catch a bite to eat or something?"

"Weren't we going to the food court?" Will asked feeling another bout of nervousness.

"We can," Andrew said, "but I feel like getting something a bit..." he shrugged, "you know a real restaurant rather than fast food."

Will swallowed as he nodded, and Andrew relaxed noticeably, and he opened the side door for Will to get in, hopping around the car to get in behind the driver's seat. Will felt a tightness in his chest as he sat down on the familiar seat and glanced back relieved to see the emergency kit back there as well as a new cell phone sitting on a cradle charging off of the cigarette lighter.

Andrew noticed what Will was staring at and grinned, "My mom, she offered to pay to fix the car so long as I agreed to let her get me a cell. I think it makes her feel easier."

"Where is your mom?" Will asked looking around for the diminutive, if formidable woman as Andrew started the car and backed out of his space.

Andrew turned the wheel and flipped the car into gear;"My mom's got her own car here, so she's fine with me taking off." He accelerated the car out onto the street and turned it towards Bank Street. He really was a careful driver, he expertly drove the car through Ottawa's congested streets, rush hour was coming to an end and he navigated through it in silence for a bit before he looked over at Will.

"You gonna talk to me, or am I just going to drive us around in silence?" He flashed his white teeth and Will felt like a trapped rabbit.

"I...I don't know...I thought..."

Andrew stopped the car at a light and gave Will his full attention, "I told you this afternoon that I just can't bury this." His words were earnest, insistent, if he could just convince Will of that then...

"And I told you I can't handle it." His voice was quiet, almost as if he didn't believe his own words, and in many ways he didn't. There was no denying the feelings, but did that make him gay? Could he take that step, and could he drag Andrew along with him? "I can't do that to you... make you gay along with me..."

Andrew burst into laughter, as he turned the car away from the dark houses of parliament and up to the brighter lights of Ottawa's main commercial street. He had a boisterous laugh, the kind that came from somewhere around the soul and bubbled up musically. He shook his head. "You didn't make me gay."

Will looked over at him, still sitting quietly. Waiting for Andrew to calm down from his fit of laughter. Feeling a little stupid for saying it, but how else could he explain how he felt? He sighed in frustration over his own lack of communications skills. "You know what I mean." He said irritably.

Andrew continued to smile as the car pulled into the small parking lot that serviced the Wall Street Restaurant. He turned to Will and shook his head, "I may not know what... this..." he waved his hand again back and forth between them, "is all about, but I know you didn't make me anything I don't want to be." He finished almost awkwardly, as he got out of the car and rested on the roof of the car watching as Will got out, "I just know that I love you."

"That's the second time you've said that to me," Will said as he straightened up and looked about him at the gentle snow that fell. A few flakes had fallen into Andrew's hair and sat there like a light dusting of white in his sandy hair, and he just seemed so self-assured, so immovable.

Andrew's smile curled up one corner of his mouth as he tilted his head to the side, "Yeah I guess it is. This is the part where you tell me `I know' and leave me hanging like a dork."

Will took a deep breath, "Yeah," he said after a moment. He thumbed towards the restaurant, "Shouldn't we...?"

Andrew stepped around the car, pushing his hair back out of his eyes and shaking off the snow; he looked nervous again, suddenly as uncertain of himself as he had been that night by the rink. "Yeah we should probably go eat."

Will stopped and looked about him, and then sighed, "Andrew we're not ready for this...I'm not ready for this."

Andrew stepped carefully in the snow till he was standing in front of Will, looking down at the younger man. He stood uncertain for a moment and then just reached out and pulled Will closer to him. Will felt the arms encircle his waist and he stood there a moment with his hands hanging down at his sides shaking his head.

"I can't do this Andrew..." It was too much, everything all at once.

Andrew nodded, letting him go, "Come on, I promised you supper."

Will reluctantly looked at the car, wishing again that he had just gone home. His head was swimming in possibilities. He was already branded a Fag at school, his parents knew, and his other family suspected him. But there was a difference between one kiss and what Andrew was asking him for. It was a massive line to cross, and it terrified him.

At sixteen he simply wasn't equipped to make a choice like that, was he? It would be so easy just to put his arms around Andrew and lose himself in that warm safe feeling that Andrew offered to him. But the doubts were just too much for him right then.

Andrew turned to lead the way, and Will's hand snaked out of its own accord and grabbed Andrew's. He held it for a second, staring at it in disbelief; it was almost a panicked gesture, all that had flashed through his mind was that he wanted to touch him...

Andrew looked down at the hand in his own, and up at Will's eyes and he nodded, "Yeah, I know, scary shit huh?"

Will nodded, struggling to regain some semblance of his own inner strength as he held onto that hand, "I don't know why I did that..." he said shakily as he let go of Andrew's hand and climbed over the small snow bank to the sidewalk.

"Let's go get something to eat, and we can talk." Andrew offered as they both walked around to the entrance to the restaurant.