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Will Hawkins

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Story Reviews

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About Will Hawkins

  • Rank
    Elite Member

Profile Information

  • Age in Years
    86
  • Gender
    Male
  • Sexuality
    Gay
  • Favorite Genres
    Historical
  • Location
    Mata Atlantica, Brazil

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  1. I have been lurking behind a pillar for chapter after chapter now, just waiting for an opportunity to say how much the mechanics of your story-telling have improved. Some, and I empathize some, of the mechanical improvement may be the result of editing and beta readers, but much of it, I am sure, is the result of the author's growth. Nit-pick: the command to a horse to stop is spelled 'whoa', and pronounced woe, (the 'a' is silent as is the 'p' in pant leg). Take it from an old Texas boy (a very old Texas boy).
  2. I will have to admit that the band\music\performance scene leaves me out in left field. My age and tin ear are the problem. I was to old at the teen-age band era, and too involved in my life, teaching college courses and providing physical support for an ailing spouse to become involved with what with my tin ear, sounded like just so much noise, but I am really into the relationship between Teddy and Ryder. I am watching that change in baby steps chapter by chapter and loving it. You do a great job, Ace, with developing the personalities of your characters and that character development makes your stories well worth reading even for a man like me where the entire teen\music scene goes over my head. It looks to me like the relationship between those two has a long way to go and I am fascinated to see the progress, chapter by chapter. The editor you are using has improved the readability of your work a lot -- don't go to bed with him, but keep him near at hand -- his work makes the reading so much more relaxing than is true with many of the younger (read: less experienced) authors on GA. They may tell a good story, but grammatical errors, improper or excessive punctuation and juvenile spelling, can quickly dilute a reader's pleasure.
  3. Will Hawkins

    The Divison

    Ace, I love the chaos you put into the story, the cemetery scene was masterful. Suddenly the two boys switch sides as far as strength is concerned with Ryder being the brave one, great! And Teddy grew a pair in confronting baseball bums. This holds promise for him, too.
  4. I may be making an ass of myself, but I am going  to assume you are still editing stories for Aceinthehole. I do not like to nit-pick authors work in the comments section as some authors, get antagonistic over my comments I assume it is because they have creative ownership of the stories they write.. May I assume you have a little bit tougher skin as an editor than an author might have. I do not make suggestions to embarrass, merely to assist them to improve. I have noticed a great improvement in the grammar and pace of Ace's story (The Hidden Ones) in the last couple of months. I assume (damn, there is that word again) these improvements are because of your editing. If that is so, congratulations, you are really doing a great job. Smoothing an author's work without stepping on his story-line is a real art.
       Okay, one small comment: a pink elephant in the room, is an expression I have noted several times in this story -- a pink elephant is seen usually by someone who is drunk -- a concept that is in the room seen by sober persons is just 'the elephant in the room', or 'the 500 pond gorilla in the room'. 
    Mr. Will (misterwill2@live.com)

    1. JayT

      JayT

      I am actually not editing for Ace anymore, but we are still friends. He learned a lot from the time I was his editor and always asked questions so he could improve. 

  5. Ryder is a very complex person -- an onion with many layers. Peeling these back, one by one, will surely make interesting reading.
  6. Will Hawkins

    Words Unspoken

    Another little baby step toward a relationship. If Teddy keeps up the pressure, someday Ryder will have to admit there is somebody out there who cares. Grandma is a kick. She is her grandson's strongest supporter, and probably understands his the best, having lived through all his depression moodiness. Don't give up, Teddy. I think you are making progress.
  7. As an author, placing yourself, Ace, into one mind, then switching to the opposite personality is a real test. You handle it so well -- are you sure you have not had extensive psychological training? If you have not, you have a mind that can slip from the sunshine into the shadow so totally and realistically. I will admit to having difficulties in following the differing psychologies of your two main characters, but I blame that on my unfamiliarity with the contemporary music scene. I would be more comfortable, I feel, if I knew the songs that you are using as expressions of emotion, but my ignorance is an expression of my separation from the youth scene, not a failure in your writing style. This chapter has been the `two steps back´ of which you spoke, so now we have had the one step forward (the kiss) and the two steps back (Ryder's deep melancholy) that you promised in your chapter title. Where do we go from here? I am confident that you will be creative in your next chapter -- so, onward.
  8. I feel for the first time that Ryder and Teddy actually communicated in this chapter. They are opposites in personality, but share the same insecurities. The solution to their relationship problems is communication. Eventually they will discover that they are very similar and each of them can add a lot to to the other. Superior insight on your part, Ace, you show a knowledge of personalities far in excess of your tender years. Yes, early twenties are `tender years´ to an old fucker like me. Keep up the great work, Ace, you are pouring your heart and soul into your writing and it shows in the finished product.
  9. Will Hawkins

    The Studio

    I am confused by Mike's relation to Teddy. He seems at first to be supportive, but then undermines his support. I can see a very complex attitude developing. The writing is extremely complex, but then, relations between people are complex as well. You handle the progress in the relationships so well -- these young men become human. No author could ask for more.
  10. I hav not been a nit-picker in my comments on this story, but now I see improvement in pacing. Looking forward to more and more.
  11. You are beginning to fill out your characterizations in this storyline, Ace. I'm looking forward to my reading. Congratulations on its development.
  12. Thanks for your help in finding this story line. I had assumed that when a story was published in book form, the publisher would insist that all free version be deleted. I am glad to find tat not to be true as it gives me the opportunity to read another one of your tales. 😀😀
  13. Will Hawkins

    School's Out!

    You mentioned 'properly space the narrative; apparently you have overcome that fault, but if you ever want to tighten up the narrative spacing somewhat, there is a trick you can use -- at the end of a line, instead of pressing 'return', press 'shift-return' and the next line will be entered up tight. Keeping you finger on 'shift' will put the upper-case letter at the beginning of the next sentence and if you wish to indent that next line, you may use the 'right-arrow' key for a standard (five spaces) indent, then, keeping your finger on the 'upper-case' key, press the appropriate letter key to start the text out properly. I use three spaces to indent the first line of text in a paragraph, just as has been done with this line (just because I like the look), then wait until after the punctuation mark at the end of that sentence (" upper-case 2 key on my European set up keyboard) then go back to put in the quote mark at the beginning of the paragraph. That is done just to avoid the little green dot under the left-hand double quote. That dot will not print, but it can confuse me while I am writing, If you use (on my European set up keyboard) a single quote to signal the start of quoted text (the European style of punctuation), it is not necessary to go back. Just press the upper-case (shifted) single quote key at the beginning of a quotation and the lower-case single quote (without the shift) at the end after the final punctuation mark and the correct `single quote´ (facing left or right) will be inserted at both the beginning and the end of the sentence. (The lower-case key with the question mark, puts in an apostrophe, as in a possessive or elided letter, but that mark faces the wrong way for an initial single quote.) Now that you are thoroughly confused, just experiment with single and double quotation marks as well as the apostrophe until you get the look you want in your text. I was very confused with my European key board until I got used to it, now I find it has become habit, and I don't even have to think about which key (keys) to press anymore!
  14. Thank you, Ace, for directing me too th's posting. I am looking forward to reading another of your well-written tales and was upset to find that this one was published in a book. Frequently a book publisher will demand that the free version of a book be deleted as a prerequisite for publishing as they do not want to lose money by having readers select the free version. to read. But for me, in my 'no income' situation, deleting the free version just means one less book for me to be able to enjoy. Okay, back to the second chapter and we're off on this ride!
  15. Will Hawkins

    The Wall

    Adam is the most complex character in this story. I feel a large part of Artie's confusion/uncertainty revolves around Adam's youthful relationships with the other adults now in Artie's life. It is obvious that there is a history between Adam and Ezra -- there is just too much friction netween those two to just blame it on ill-feeling between a bio-father and a guardian. Okay, Ace, there is a tangle for you to work out! The relationship between Artie and Dizzy just seems so natural to me -- each one of them gains some benefit from the give and take with the other, and even Dizzy is growing in his relationship with Artie. It seems to me that somebody named Ace, is doing a fantastic job in managing the complexities of these relationships -- you go, man!. But there are still many loose ends, Ace. This story should go on for many more chapters.
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