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Will Hawkins

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Story Reviews

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About Will Hawkins

  • Rank
    Elite Member

Profile Information

  • Age in Years
    87
  • Gender
    Male
  • Sexuality
    Gay
  • Favorite Genres
    Historical
  • Location
    Mata Atlantica, Brazil

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  1. Will Hawkins

    Simba Ch 10

    Finding a cousin in the rain is a bit contrived I fear, but it will add a personal touch to the young man' sad tale – an all too frequent one where a stepfather is concerned. Misterwill
  2. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 7

    protagonists .. the main character in a play, the word you are looking for here may be 'antagonists'.'Persons who actively oppose.' Hidden desires are always painful, to both parties, it will take many occasions of honesty to bridga the gap for these two with two fathers to whom 'coming out' is an anathema
  3. Will Hawkins

    Prologue

    Unfortunately 'conversion therapy' is still practiced, even though it is now illegal. There are a number of 'camps' sponsored by fundamentalist religious organizations, which 'cure' homosexuality by electro-shock therapy hidden under the blanket of 'freedom of religion'. The only difference is that now their practices are totally hidden from legal authority. They get their inspiration from a selective reading of Bible passages even though there are contained in the Bible, just as many passages commanding us to 'love one another' without any restriction about whom we may love. The passages commanding that we not lie with another of the same sex were written in an era when the Jewish religion wanted to increse its numbers and therefore forbade sex that would not produce children. Today it is just as important NOT to have children as we are already straining the resouces of our home planet to provide space and sustenance for the population levels that exist. Indeed, homozexual relations should be encouraged, not denegrated, as they create families which have room to care for many of the 'accidental' and unwanted children that are produced. But then, I am a gay man and many, if not most. of the people living with me on my earth do not agree with me. misterwill2@live.com
  4. Will Hawkins

    The Stone Wall

    "I clicked my teeth." Plese explain that, I don't know what it means or how it is done.
  5. Will Hawkins

    Tryouts

    Still having the confusion between breath nd breathe – "I am out of breath and need to breathe."
  6. to fine me – to find me
  7. Another 'breathe' in this chapter. Remember 'breathe' is a verb and 'breath' is a noun.
  8. involuntary woh — this is the second time I have seen 'woh', if you mean 'stop' like a command to a horse, the word is spelled 'whoa'- By the way, I have not been very polite to you, I have not mentioned how well you do with 'pace' and 'characterization' in your dialog, it makes for a great read, especially because the reader always knows who is speaking and from where they are coming. Good show!
  9. Will Hawkins

    1 on 1

    Thick scares from – Thick scars from I have detected many small punctuation errors, but English Punctuation is a morass from which no one ever escapes, so I am going to ignore all of them – it is an area for an Editor to go into. I am not an Editor, I am just the troll who lives under the bridge that nips at the bare toes of the Authors thst cross over to get to publication. misterwill2@live.com
  10. another big breathe – another big breath
  11. air ducks – air ducts all for not – all for naught the fuckin cealin the fuckin ceiling Just a few suggestions. Ace. If you object I wiil cease making them. I read quite a few stories by different authors on GA and some authors like the suggestions I make but it pisses off others, so I always give a new author (new to me) the opportunity to elect whether to see them or not. Let me hear from you by email whether to continue or not. misterwiill2@live.com
  12. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 4

    Besides, going to a summer camp with 1-200 other boys and a girls camp within reach, creates opportuitie for an author to create 'situations'.
  13. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 2

    I wish ihad your ability to turn an incident, such as getting onboard a train for summer camp, into a story in itself, bringing out the personalities of the characters in just a line or two. Damn, you are a good writer. I can come up with situations and involve my characters in them, but 'characterizing' them in just a few woeds or lines is the mark of a true artist. Its much like being able to draw a portrait with just a few strokes of the pen. Mister Will
  14. Will Hawkins

    Ambush

    I don't know if you want to go any further with publishing this but I have seen several places where the incorrect case of a noun appeared as the object of a verb. I did not mark them, but you may want to have your editor look over the chapters again. What I am speaking of is 'using the objective case' where a pronoun/noun combination appears as the object of a verb. Look up the rules for case in Grammarly or any other reference. It is no big deal, but your English usage is so correct otherwise, it just sticks out when you make a little mistake.
  15. Careful boys — making threatening noises (and with a noose in your hand) could be considered assault with a weapon. But at this time, Eric has no recourse except to pee in his pants!
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