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Will Hawkins

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2,122 Maybe I Should Publish

Story Reviews

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About Will Hawkins

  • Rank
    Elite Member

Profile Information

  • Age in Years
    87
  • Gender
    Male
  • Sexuality
    Gay
  • Favorite Genres
    Historical
  • Location
    Mata Atlantica, Brazil

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  1. I was especially interested in the comment by the reader from Zimbabwe, I am currently living in Brazil and find that the anti-gay attitudes of the Brazilian people is not as forceful as it is in other Catholic countries. Perhaps it is the climate here – normally it is just too hot to get passionate about anything, especially anything so meaningless as homophobia.
  2. Any tale by this author is bound to be a treat. The fact that it includes contemporary references means that u will have to restrain myself in comments, not to violate GA's rules. So I may refer you to 'the Pit' from time to time.
  3. Getting a screwdriver jammed in your ball-sack is a definite ouch, but it does get the point across. (Pun intended, hah).
  4. Will Hawkins

    Happy Hour

    I anticipate a problem with the Russians, especially Constatine. He seems to be a little hot~headed- Altogether an excellent start to a story,, Carlos. Even the reactions of the Russian brothers open up great story lines. I am sure we will hear from them, at least from Constatine, again.
  5. Will Hawkins

    Happy Hour

    Marco sprung into action. Marco sprang into action.
  6. Will Hawkins

    Late Lunch

    NO, NO, NO, Do not ever write the 'perfect' story. If you do, the Story Muse will abandon you. Your stories are fine, just the way they are. It is a pleasure to read a story that is completed and published without all the amateurish grammatical errors that creep into GA stories submitted by inexperienced authors, especially a first time author who needs to rely heavily on a competent Editor to polish his stories, but does not use one. I. for one, get tired of reading about young queers going through all the woes of 'coming out' That is not truly an original theme for GA. A superior story requires an author for its creation, and an editor to clean up the errors in presentation (and probably Beta Readers to help with timing and characterization). Just an aside comment to authors to whom English is not a birth language. Go ahead, tell your story as best you can, then have it polished by an editor. For many years I taught ESL students in a Community College and we worked together on improving their English writing skills- I discovered they had much to say and only needed a little polishing to remove grammatical errors. It was a great pleasure to see their writing skills improve with just a small effort on my, the instructor's, part. Sure, it was hard work for the ESL students, but in a short time they began to shine and their English writing skills improved greatly. And believe me, they had stories to tell!
  7. Will Hawkins

    Sunrise Surf

    In any mention of storms on land or at sea, I bless the memory of my mother. She loved a storm, wind, rain, thunder and lightning, it made no difference to her, She once, when I was just a tad and cried during a lightning storm, explained to me that by the time you see the flash of the lightning, it has passed and struck somewhere else. It is no longer a danger to you unless it breaks a tee limb over your head, or starts a ground fire, and even then you have time to move somewhere else as it has not hit you. Bless you Mom, you have passed on to me your love of a storm.
  8. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 18

    for awhile hour and for an hour and been balling his eyes out been bawlng his eyes out
  9. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 15

    who he was close too – whom he was close to. Whom is to object of the preposition to and s/b in the objective case, The final preposition s/b to as it implies direction or movement. If ending a sentence with a preposition bothers you (as it did the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Churchill) the sentence can be rewritten as, 'to whom he was close,' but some readers may find that word order to be 'stuffy'. A burden shared is a burdened is a burden halved. – A burden shared is a burden halved. Duplicated text.
  10. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 14

    deliver the new bed too. deliver the new bed to. would be less witnesses would be fewer witnesses (witness is a 'countable' noun).
  11. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 11

    but no one seemed to be phased. but no one seemed to be fazed. I am going to express a personal prejudice – like most prejudices, this one has absolutely no reasoning to it, it is just a persona dislike for the sounds of these two words. I do not like the words 'got' and 'woken'. There is nothing grammatically wrong wit them, when used in the correct manner. As I say my dislike is purely personal. Okay, now that I was able to get that off my chest, I will return to my reading.
  12. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 10

    As they cleaned up the sight, As they cleaned up the site, more confidence than he felt. more confidence than she felt. wanted answers too wanted answers to “Not all that far then,” Tyler relied. “Not all that far then,” Tyler replied. became more personable became more personal.
  13. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 8

    no reason to mad no reason to be mad Hell, Dante, if you can understand upper class British, you are a better man than I. I am an American speaker, but I tried to listen to the Queens Christmas message this last year and had to give up "Two countries separated by a common language!!" My partner is Portuguese and speaks English very well for a non-native, but I have to ask him repeat sometimes. We are currently living in Brazil in retirement (for me) but José bitches about our native workers Portuguese as not always comprehensible to him. (They slur or elide the endings of words – very important in a language which has male and female endings for verbs and nouns). If you want to hear incomprehensible English, go to Australia, even the New Zealanders are not able to understand them.
  14. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 4

    I have not read The Acquittal and I am reluctant to break into the sequence of events here to do so. I will probably read it after I finish this book though. The references your other commenters make to that story suggest that perhaps melding the two books together might be appropriate. I am reluctant to suggest that, however, until I have completed reading both books, It may be something for you to consider for the future. I have the feeling that such a melding could not be a simple 'cut and paste' effort, it would take an author who is intimately familiar with both stories to do it with success.
  15. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 3

    I noticed something in the latest chapters that you may like some help with. Twice I detected a confusion in your use of the words 'to' and 'too'. To is a preposition and “It’s okay, Honey, I see them. Well, it has been many years since anyone called me 'Honey', Horney perhaps, but Honey rarely. It is a unique attitude for an author to be that gracious about corrections to their grammar.
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