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Will Hawkins

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    Mata Atlantica, Brazil

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  1. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 57

    That Granger is heading for London after a long interval in Russia is a promise of continuing adventures, though operating under Adm. St. Vincent bodes ill for his immediate future. First, I can see him being placed in command of the frigate, Calliope, to replace the present captain who is ill and being assigned to take that officer back to London to recover his health, then being assigned to some other adventure as his command of the frigate is confirmed. However, being now under St. Vincent, as First Lord of the Admiralty, might bring problems before that happens. At any rate, we will see...
  2. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 19

    At the opening of this chapter, the lookout reports land off the Larboard bow, but Granger is horrified to find land to Starboard. There seems to be some confusion at this moment of dawn! I do not envy Granger in his colder temperatures. Here in Bahia where I am living, the high temperatures vary from 25 to 30 during the day with a drop to 20 at night. My old bones are very happy with those temperatures.
  3. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 2

    From time to time I will put a note in the comments area about an item or a word in the story for the benefit of your American readers – sort of a built-in translation. For example, in this chapter, you use the word 'draw', in American-English that would be 'drawer', so I would put in 'draw=drawer'.
  4. Finally the bell rung … Finally the bell rang The quotation by one if your commenters is … a well thought out plan of battle is good only until the first gun is fired. I believe it is said by a Chinese General many years back in history. I could look it up, but I am too lazy!
  5. I am normally very famous for nitpick comments on stories in GA. It is a special temptation for an author who is writing dialog spoken by young people, to insert bad grammar into their speech. I congratulate you on avoiding that temptation. Your grammar seems to be all correct, and in no case will I ever comment on punctuation…that is a morass from which no author ever recovers. I am enjoying my reading and can only say, keep up the good work. Mr Will
  6. This gives both you and I ... This gives both you and me. As an author, if you are trying to decide which form of a pronoun to use, just say the phrase to yourself, leaving out one of the objects. It will be immediately clear which one to select. Frequently the form to use — the objective case, will be the one that sounds correct to your ear. As in this case, This gives I sounds wrong, as opposed to this gives me.
  7. Okay, I am back to re-read this book as a sequel to book one. Let us see if I can make more sense of this book, knowing some of the characterizations and relationships from the first book. Have you hired an editor as yet. I am looking forward to smooth writing from here on out. Mr Will
  8. Note that bread is not totally vegetarian. There may be ingredients in bread that are animal based, but these ingredients do not require the killing of the animal from which they are developed. Milk being an example, as well as fats. The use of whooping in describing a competition stems from the ancient word whup, He keeps whooping our Enforcer meaning to beat or overcome.
  9. The standard spelling for the verbal command to stop, is whoa. You have used the command to stop several times in this chapter, mis-spelling it with the h in the wrong place. I am pleased to see that you are seeking help with your grammar issues — clearing those up will help the reader understand the story line more easily.
  10. and let hit be known, … and let it be known
  11. oplep A warm guest of wind, a warm gust of wind Dave drolled on, Dave dronned on
  12. Vincent couldn't himself and ran his fingers along the large bicep. Is there a word missing from this statement? Perhaps -contain, or -control?
  13. For a candidate about to become a member of a normal sized pack to be invited to spar with the wolf of the Alpha of the largest pack in the nation, is a great honor as long as it is sparring only – he can gain a great deal of respect by sparring well at such a professional level. And, if he does well, will increase the prestige of his pack greatly. I can only hope no-one gets hurt too badly. But, at this beginning stage in the story line, I do not see that as a possibility.
  14. Check your use of the word -bunker down- I think the expression is -hunker down-. The make out session at the front door was well written.
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