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Will Hawkins

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2,879 Journeyman Scribe 1st Class

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About Will Hawkins

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    Mata Atlantica, Brazil

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  1. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 6

    OK, I have one small criticism. No, it is not a technical error or a grammar fault, but it seems to me that the dialog in this story is a little too juvenile sounding for men (and others trying to become men) who are in College. I don't know what level you are in school or life, but young men of about 18-19 years of age might use somewhat more adult sounding words in their conversations. This comment is not supposed to be a criticism, just a suggestion, a hint about my feelings. Mister Will
  2. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 5

    Pronoun confusion is a frequent error made in English. In this case you have made the same error several times. For example, "DJ just looked at Joe and I," is an impropper choice of a pronoun, it should read "just looked at Joe and me on the floor". The best way to select the correct pronoun is just to say the sentence, leaving the noun out. "that got I in the floor is obviously in error and should read that got me on the floor". In the other case change the sentence to "DJ just looked at Joe and me". But be careful because if the pronoun is used as the subject of the sentence, then "Joe and I
  3. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 3

    In my comment above, I mentioned the use of the word drawer – this is American practice (vocabulary usage). Do you wish me to make further suggestions or do you feel able to write American words without any suggestions? Many authors on GA use British expressions and are well accepted by American readers, so the choice is up to you; British or American? Mister Will
  4. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 36

    OK, my choice would be a long series (many chapters), but it doe not have to be historical. as I am too lazy to search and too impatient to wait for the day when a chapter is supposed to be on line. I love the fact that your Rome story had very few grammatical errors in it – so many authors on GA have never discovered a grammar-checking program. My location in Brazil is very different from Rio. The nearest town is Itacimarim, but we live on a farm/ranch a long way out in the country. My old bones love the warm weather however, when I first arrived (2008) we lived in an apartment on the be
  5. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 36

    I will wait for another series to be completed – my life (here in the Brazilian Rain Forest – is very calm and I look forward to good reading. At my age (87) that is about all that is left.
  6. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 36

    Whhat story of yours would you advise reading next. I have enjoyed 'Rome' very much, I like the ancient history and the relations between the men. If you want to discuss something or ask for advice just email me at misterwill2@live.com
  7. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 35

    It is a shame that Lucinius never discovered peanuts or vetch. The seeds of both of those plants provide good things for humans to eat and, if rotated with the wheat and barley would increase his crop by another third. While the common vetch has developed over the centuries a bed reputation as far as human consumption is concerned, it is an excellent forage crop (for feeding animals) and is commonly used as a soil restoritive. Bees are especially fond of the nectar and it produces a superior honey.
  8. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 31

    In my world, one does not lay on a bed (unless they are a chicken), I usually lie on a bed.
  9. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 27

    The Molassian Hounds that I spoke of earlier are now (21st Century) extinct, but the Mastiff, which is a near relative is thriving and is used for much the same purpose as were the Moladdians in Roman times: as guard dogs, for hunting wild game and as bed warmers. They are not quite as large as were the Molassians, about 90lbs being common, but other than that, are quite similar.
  10. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 26

    I am going to have to disagree on one small point in your story: dogs and caged birds, both, were frequent pets in Roman times. There were both large guard dog types and small ap dogs, though in this case, I can see a large dog, both as a guard and as a pet (and also ued for hunting). Molassian Hounds – a large dog used for guarding, and hunting, wild boars especialy, also became pets, even sleeping with their masters at night.
  11. Will Hawkins

    Chapter 16

    I Googled one denarius and found that at the time of the Caesars it had a value of about one day's labor for a man.
  12. Flattery is a form of praise for the undeserving. You, as an author, are far from undeserving; your characterization, pacing and creativity are among the finest of all the authors on GA. Stuck as I am in the wilds of the Brazilian Rain Forest with no way even to go into Itacimarim, the little settlement nearest to me, I depend upon the creativiety of the authors to keep me from going crazy. At least here, though Brazil has been hit hard by the Covid – 19 bug, I am far enough away from infected people that I do not have to worry about that. I just wish I had someone warm to cuddle up wit
  13. Well, well… Finally the old troll gets to come out from his cave under the bridge and nip at the bare toes of an author crossing over, heading for publication… A little explanation first… I am well known to the authors posting stories on GA as an old troll who is a toe nipper. I look for grammar or word usage errors and jump on authors about them. (My personal problems are in spelling, but we don't need to get into that right now….) My special favorites are 'homophones', (just to save you the effort of googling that, they are words in American English that sound just like other words, but are
  14. It seeems to me tht Brad needs to get some help from a technician with his prostheses, Stump tenderness and pain this lenth of time after mputation needs to be corrected. Mistr Will
  15. You have no idea about how I have started breathing again now that Trump is no longer President. OK, Biden may not be the very best replacement for him, but at this point anything is better I believe. Mister Will
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