Phoenix Lights - 4. HOMUNCULUS I

Thursday, March 20th, 1997

Sean and Jeffrey hadn’t really talked for a few days; they had coexisted to the point where they’d known what was going on with the other, but they hadn’t directed any thought toward each other. Sean felt bad for crossing the line, but the feeling he’d gotten from Jeffrey was best summed up by an angry forget about it. He tried not to think about that night, or allow his feelings for Jeffrey to bleed through.

It was half way through third period, and Sean’s attention wasn’t focused on the random soliloquy of Shakespeare as it should have been, but instead Jeffrey. He rested his head on his arm, and stared off out the window, the telltale high pitched tone taking over in his ears, filtering out the world, as it had done in past several days when he got too far into his own mind.

Suddenly there was a sharp crack, followed by a spate of giggles.

Sean jerked back and stared up at the nun standing over him, her clutching a ruler as if she was about to parry with a fencing sabre.

“I suppose you have no idea which page we’re on,” she said.

He glanced down at his book. “I’m sorry, Sister Helen. No.”

“Hands.”

Sean gulped, and slowly placed his hands palm-side-down on top of his desk.

With quick speed and precision, Sister Helen slapped him hard across the back of the knuckles with the ruler, the lingering sting from which would probably itch for hours to come. “Pay attention if you don’t want another one.” She hobbled back to the front of the room like the crippled old penguin she represented.

He rubbed his sore hands and flipped several pages in his book.

Suddenly, in his peripheral vision, he caught someone walking across the far side of the room. When he turned his head, nobody was there.

For the rest of the day, there was always someone or something, some shadow, just out of his vision. It wasn’t his eyes playing tricks on him—he could feel it.

*****

Did you see it, too?

Sean glanced up from his math book and looked around the kitchen, where he had been doing his homework. What, the creepy shadows?

No, the little… I don’t know what it was. A person thing.

What?!

Sean could see it as Jeffrey tried to describe it. Some little human looking thing. Maybe a foot and a half tall. Massive hands and feet. Large head with huge lips. Massive ding-dong for his size. Black eyes, really light skin. Just running around all naked. Nobody else saw it. I’d see little bits of him just as he was running off. Could never get him square in my vision.

Massive ding-dong?

I swear it looked like it was running around naked. I know you can see it in my memory.

A tingle ran over Sean’s skin. I only saw shadows. They were too big to be whatever you saw. They would just disappear when I looked.

Maybe Sister Helen scared them off with her ruler.

I wish the aliens would take her and dump her on top of a mountain somewhere. Sometimes I think she’s got her coif on too tight.

Coif?

Sean imagined the white head covering under her dark habit.

Oh.

Glad you’re back in range. This headache was getting worse.

Think we’re seeing things because of the headaches? I mean, if there really was a little naked gnome running around the classroom, someone else would have seen it. Right?

Sean sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. Jesus, what’s wrong with us?

Can I say something without you looking too far into it?

Sean thought, I feel better when you’re closer, too.

*****

Sean stood under the hot water of the shower. He’d gotten through the week, made it to Friday, and had been invited by some of his school friends to see Liar Liar at the theater. Lucky for him, the theater was close enough that he wouldn’t have any separation issues with Jeffrey.

It wasn't Jeffrey that got him through the anxiety and suffering, but it was his friends who helped him get through the day, who kept him distracted or normal, and made it bearable when he was out of range.

He heard the front door open and shut.

Thinking his mother had got off work early, Sean turned off the water and pulled back the shower curtain; Jeffrey stood in the doorway.

Sean widened his eyes at him, thinking about how odd it was that he hadn’t detected him coming, but there he stood, heaving breaths as if he’d run all the way from the bus stop.

“We’ve got to talk,” Jeffrey said between breaths. His eyes flickered down, then back up.

Sean looked down his body, and realized he was giving Jeffrey the full frontal. Gingerly, he took the towel off the rack and started drying himself off.

*****

“Homunculus.”

Sean, wrapped only in his towel, sat down on his bed next to Jeffrey. “What?”

Homunculus. It’s that thing I kept seeing the other day.

How do you know?

My school counselor called me into her office because I’ve been blacking out at school.

Blacking out!?

Well, sorta. I can’t explain it. But she had a drawing of the naked thing in her room, you know, only without the cock n’ nuts. I asked her what it was, and she said it was a homunculus. It’s a psychology thing that represents the human brain and how we sometimes think that there’s a little dude in our head driving us like we’re some big gundam robot or something.

What is that supposed to mean?

I don’t know.

Did yours escape out of your head or something?

“Smartass,” Jeffrey said. “I’m being serious.”

“So, we’re both seeing shit.”

But I’ve never seen a homunculus before. Not even in a book. Why did I see one just running around in my class? I mean, it had to have been real. It pushed over a backpack when it was running by. It physically moved the bag.

This is just getting fucking strange.

Sean, what if it’s one of them?

Sean could feel Jeffrey’s fear very loudly. You think they’re watching us?

What else could it be?

Sean stood up and walked to his dresser, pulling out his outfit for that night. Why didn’t I sense you coming over? He glanced back, letting the towel fall to the ground. He could feel Jeffrey looking over his body as he pulled on his underwear.

Jeffrey blushed. What? What do you mean?

I didn’t hear you or sense you. Normally I know exactly when you get back in range. I didn’t feel you until I got out of the shower and you were just standing there.

He shrugged.

“Want to come to the movies with me and my friends?”

Jeffrey slouched forward. “Mom wants to do family night. I don’t think I’d like Tyson very much.”

“What’s wrong with Tyson?” Sean sat back down on the bed, absorbing a strange feeling from Jeffrey, about his distaste for people who acted like Tyson; Sean could feel Jeffrey’s annoyance. “Oh.”

“Mom usually rents stupid movies when we do family night. Maybe I’ll tune into yours.”

*****

“New in the building?” Jim Carrey glanced over at the sexy woman standing next to him in the elevator.

Sean shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth. Tyson elbowed him in the side as he stole a large handful out of Sean’s bucket.

“Yeah. I just moved in Monday,” the buxom woman replied.

“Oooh, you like it so far?” Jim Carrey asked with a goofy expression.

“Mmm-hmm! Everybody’s been real nice.”

“Welllll… that’s because you have big jugs.”

The theater erupted in laughter. Sean even felt Jeffrey let out a big laugh.

Then, for some reason, Sean felt Jeffrey's regret.

Sean felt a stinging in his leg, as Jeffrey’s sister slapped Jeffrey on top of his knee. Jeffrey’s family had been watching Homeward Bound. Coincidentally, he’d started laughing at the sad part when Shadow fell through the planks into the deep pit. Sean could hear Jeffrey’s sister calling him a psychopath, and his father saying ‘that’s not funny, bud.’

“I meannnn- your boobs are huge.”

This time, Sean had to try extra hard not to laugh.

“I mean, I wanna squeeze ‘em!”

Sean could feel Jeffrey’s embarrassment, but he couldn’t help himself. He was laughing more at the situation than the movie.

“Mama!”

Slap!

As the laughter in the theater died down, Sean sat back in his seat. You okay?

Well, everyone thinks there’s something wrong with me.

I’m sorry.

I better try to pay attention to this before my sister murders me. I’m sure my dad’s going to have a long talk with me later to make sure I’m not some sort of serial killer or something.

Sean nodded, popping a lime flavored Dot into his mouth. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a movement. He glanced across a young couple into the aisle.

Across the aisle, behind a large handbag rested at the feet of a woman, a small figure was watching him through beady little black eyes.

At first, he thought it was a baby, or maybe even a small dog. On second glance, he could make out the large lips, and one of its large hands resting on the ground next to the handbag. He stifled a breath, the ground feeling as if it had suddenly fallen away beneath him.

That’s when everything went white.

*****

Sean felt annoyed for some reason; it was the sound of a turn signal echoing in his brain.

He was in a car, turning into the sub-development where he lived. He couldn’t remember much of that night, or really much of anything. For some reason, he remembered Jim Carrey making an ass of himself, but didn’t really know how he’d gotten into the car. Sean glanced around. In the back seat next to him was Tyson, and directly in front of Tyson was his mother.

Tyson had been talking about a movie, but he didn't remember seeing any movie recently. "Dude, where did you go? You missed the best part!"

"Best part?"

"Yeah. You just got up and walked out. I thought you went to the bathroom but you never came back in. I found you in the lobby just staring at an Austin Powers cardboard cutout. You were all, like, sweaty and stuff."

Sean stared at him, trying to connect the dots.

"Dude, are you okay?"

"I..."

“Uh oh,” Tyson’s mother said quietly.

Tyson and Sean both leaned toward the center of the car to look out the front window.

Ahead of them, in front of Jeffrey’s house, were the flashing red and blue lights of an ambulance. As Tyson’s mom slowed to a stop in front of Sean’s house, the ambulance pulled away from the curb and sped away.

Sean could feel Jeffrey, but it was as if he’d been turned off somehow.

Slowly, the garage door at Jeffrey's house rolled open; Jeffrey’s parents and sister piled into their car. Quickly, Tom backed out of the driveway and peeled out after the ambulance.

Sean got out of the car, absently waving goodbye to his friend, and stood on the sidewalk staring off in the direction the ambulance had gone. He’d lost track of time, and was tripping over his own mind. Blanking out. Grasping at something.

Sean’s mother placed a hand on his shoulder, “you’re shaking.”

He didn't move, he stared out into the distance.

"You've been standing out here for ten minutes. What's -"

His scream shattered the quiet night air as the panic suddenly set in.