Phoenix Lights - 6. CONFINE

Friday, March 28, 1997

I’m coming in, Sean thought. He leaned over and pulled the fake rock off the ground, plucking the key from inside. He unlocked the door and put it back.

He was greeted with the image of a sticky note with the word homunculus on it.

Shit, he thought. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

Jeffrey was sitting on the couch, wearing only a pair of shorts. He glanced up and blinked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sean said.

“What do you think she knows?” Jeffrey asked, even though he knew neither of them had an answer.

Sean sat down on the couch next to him, and he could feel a warmth inside of Jeffrey’s chest. Sean barely registered the thought before Jeffrey moved on him, leaning in for a kiss.

They sat there, awkwardly, with their lips pressed together, not really doing anything.

Hey, relax, Sean thought. He cupped his hands gently behind Jeffrey’s head, being careful to avoid his stitches, and pulled him in for a less awkward kiss. He opened his mouth just a little, playing with Jeffrey’s lips, trying to get Jeffrey to follow along.

Slowly, Sean tried to introduce his tongue. He knew something was wrong when he could see his own face really close up. He sat back and looked at Jeffrey, vicariously feeling Jeffrey’s heart pounding in his chest. What’s wrong?

Jeffrey looked away. I… I don’t think I’m ready.

Well, okay. For what it's worth, I thought it was nice.

They sat in silence, a flurry of raw emotion beaming through both of them. Guilt, curiosity, desire, confusion, pain, elation. When Jeffrey looked back up, Sean stared deeply into his blue eyes.

You okay? Sean asked.

Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

What changed?

I was thinking about it while you were at school today. I think we’re going to be together for a long time like this, so I thought about what that meant. I thought about us, kinda like that, you know. I couldn’t get your dream out of my head.

Sean lay back on the couch, behind Jeffrey. “Come on,” he said, imagining the two of them embracing on the couch, cuddling.

Slowly, Jeffrey leaned back and pulled his feet up onto the couch.

Sean wrapped his arms under Jeffrey’s, pulling the two of them tightly together. He kissed the back of Jeffrey’s head, then his neck, before resting his own head on the pillow. Sean could feel the body in his arms warming up, exuding raw emotion.

I kinda like this feeling, Jeffrey thought. Your skin feels good.

Sean couldn’t help but smile.

What?

Nothing. I like this, too.

Are we allowed to do this?

I know my mom wouldn’t like it. But I don’t care.

You kinda do, though. I can feel it.

I love her but it’s none of her business. Why don't you think we’re allowed to do this?

I don’t know. My dad’s all manly, and I don’t know how he’d take it. Mom might get over it, and I really don’t care about how Emily would feel.

I think Emily would be a good ally, if she found out about… not alien things.

I don’t know, maybe. Jeffrey rolled over so he was face to face with Sean, swung his leg over his friend and pushed himself on top, holding himself over his Sean as if he were at the full extension of a push-up.

Sean looked up at him, staring into his eyes, lifting a hand to tangle his fingers through Jeffrey's messy brown hair.

Jeffrey lowered himself down and allowed himself to give Sean one more kiss. He pushed himself up and stood, padding across the living room toward his bedroom. I should get dressed before my sister gets home.

*****

Jeffrey’s mother, Tanya, had dropped the boys off at the Theater.

Sean led Jeffrey to the ticket counter.

Don’t tell me we’re seeing the Power Rangers movie.

Sean shot him a dirty glance. He put a ten dollar bill on the counter. “Two for Return of the Jedi, please.”

I’ve seen that a million times.

Have you seen the special edition?

No.

Then let’s give this a try.

I deal with enough aliens and now we get to watch a two hour movie with tons of them.

They aren’t all horrible aliens.

The woman behind the window slid the tickets through the hole. Sean took them into his hand, holding one out for Jeffrey.

As they walked through the lobby, toward the concessions stand, Jeffrey wondered, did you hear about the mass cult suicide on Wednesday?

Heaven’s Gate? Who hasn’t heard about that. It’s all that’s been on the news this week.

Do you think the aliens had something to do with that like they said?

Sean glanced over at him. No, I think the dude who was running it was crazy.

Jeffrey pushed his hands into his pockets. Yeah, but… we’ve seen them. We’ve been on a ship.

Do we know that for sure? And shit like that is why we don’t tell people. Someone would have us committed. Sean scratched his nose. Our lights were only in the news for two days and nobody ever mentioned them again. Thousands of people saw them, and nobody is talking about it. Did you hear what happened to that poor woman on the Phoenix city council?

No, what?

The mayor's office has been making fun of her. She’s a laughing stock, and all she said was she wanted to know what they were.

Jeffrey sighed deeply.

Sean knocked his knuckle lightly into the back of Jeffrey’s hand. Don’t worry about it. Let’s try to have some fun tonight.

*****

Sean lay in Jeffrey’s bed, waiting for Jeffrey to get done with his shower. He’d thought about the last several weeks, and all the strange things that happened.

Jeffrey padded into the room with his towel pulled around his waist, hair slightly damp and clumped in strange and wonderful ways. He went to the dresser to grab something to wear to bed, but stopped short of pulling the drawer open.

Sean could feel Jeffrey mulling it over in his mind.

Still facing away from Sean, Jeffrey pulled the towel from his body, giving his hair one last ruffle. He walked to the door, in the buff, and hung the towel on a hook stuck to the back of the door.

Sean had seen every inch of Jeffrey through memories, but now that he could see for himself.

You know me better than literally anyone else, Jeffrey thought.

If it makes you uncomfortable…

It just probably means I’m uncomfortable with myself. He stopped at the edge of the bed. Well, all things considered, anyway.

Sean held the covers up for Jeffrey as he slid in between the sheets.

There is no privacy between us. No actions, not even a single thought. What’s the point?

I guess you’re right. Sean felt Jeffrey stopping at the edge of a thought, or at least trying to. You want me to get undressed, too.

Sean knew that Jeffrey was blushing, and cursing the fact that he couldn’t have his own private brain-space to express desire or lust.

Sean hugged him and kissed the side of his face; Jeffrey faked a groan. It’s your decision. I’m your guest, and I don’t want to make you any more uncomfortable.

Just shut up and take off your shorts.

Under the sheets, Sean slipped off his Umbros. He felt so free, and so… naked.

Feels better, doesn’t it?

What if your parents come in? Sean ribbed.

Jeffrey giggled. You’re too much.

Sean rolled onto his side, propping his head up on one of his arms, other hand rested on Jeffrey’s chest. So what about us?

What about us?

I know you’re going back and forth with it. One minute, you want to try the boyfriend thing, one minute you don’t.

Jeffrey looked over at Sean. I really don’t know what I want. I like you, and it’s not like you’re bad looking at all… just…

How people would react if they knew.

Yeah.

It’s not like we have to tell anyone. We already have a pretty big fucking secret. We already have a strange love thing going on.

I thought it was more like having a twin brother or something.

Jeff, it’s more than that. It has been since two weeks ago. You wouldn’t share your bed with your other friends from school, you’d all just crash in the basement. The first night I stayed over, this is where you wanted me.

Maybe because I felt okay with you.

I know I don’t have to ask, but what’s wrong with having a boyfriend?

Other than Dad joking about it, I never really thought about a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend.

You didn’t answer my question.

Well, you already know the answer, and maybe I'm not gay. Jeffrey was, actually, afraid of what people would do if they found out. Chief among them, his family. One of his biggest fears was being homeless and alone.

Jeffrey scowled. Well, you thought about Jonathan Brandis.

A few times. So what? It just happened that’s where my mind went when I was… handling myself. There wasn’t a relationship. I just imagined him. It made me feel good at the time, then I couldn’t watch anything with him in it for a month because it felt weird.

Sean leaned forward. You’re afraid it would get weird with us.

Jeffrey nodded.

How could it get any weirder than it already is?

Well, what if you… you stick-

Don’t even say it!

-it in my butt and I don’t like it?

Sean snorted.

What?!

You know there’s more to relationships than just sex stuff!

You think about me like that sometimes.

I think you’re cute. I’m glad if it’s anyone I have to share a brain with or whatever we have going on, that it’s you. In a relationship, we can go as slow as you want to. I don’t just like you because I want to dunk my donuts.

But you think about it.

Well, if we’re being honest, it would be nice to try things out. I’ve never been with another guy but I’ve thought about it. It’ll happen someday, maybe with someone else, or maybe with you, but it’s not my every waking desire.

Yeah, but it’s a strong desire.

Sean rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, a little frustrated.

“Sean?”

“Yeah?”

So, what if you do have sex with someone else. Like… in the butt.

What if I do?

Well, wouldn't it be like he’s doing me in the butt, too? Like, your boyfriend would be screwing both of us. I’ve never tried anything with my butt like that. I’d probably be all walking down the street and suddenly it’d be all like some ghost is trying to seduce me!

Sean buried his face in a pillow, laughing hysterically.

Well, it’s true!

Once Sean got his laughter under control, he rolled back over toward Jeffrey. Well, on the bright side, if it was the two of us, there wouldn’t be any butt surprises.

It was Jeffrey’s turn to giggle into a pillow.

Sean could sense that when Jeffrey recovered, he was going to make a move to make out with him again. He waited.

Jeffrey pulled himself so that he was half on top of Sean, their chests pressing together, their lips meeting once again. This time, it was Jeffrey who tried to introduce his tongue to Sean, which he happily accepted. When they pulled apart, Jeffrey rested his forehead against Sean’s. Whatever we’re doing, let’s go slow.

Slow is good. Sean smiled.

Jeffrey twisted to turn off his lamp, and rolled back onto his side of the bed, holding hands with Sean under the covers. They smiled back and forth at each other, taking turns squeezing each others hands.

I like the way you kiss, Sean thought.

Me too.

They squeezed hands again.

There was a strange high-pitched whining noise, and a loud crack as blinding white light filled the room. Jeffrey sat straight up, his head thrown back as if he were looking straight up, arms rigidly by his side, mouth wide open and sputtering silently. His body seemed hard, giving off small convulsions, as Sean could feel Jeffrey fighting against whatever was holding him in place.

Jeffrey!

Suddenly, his body was flung violently upward, and stopped as he hovered just inches away from the ceiling.

Sean reached out to him, tears running down his face, jaw clenched and quivering. He only felt the feeling for an instant, as if he’d been flung upward from a catapult, but in quick order, he blacked out.

*****

Sean woke up on the table, instantly recognizing it from Jeffrey’s nightmare from the first night. He pulled against the restraints, and strained his body. He could hear strange whispers all around him, and the sweet smell of something like ammonia, maybe maple, stung his sinuses.

Jeffrey was next to him, staring across the strange chamber with a thousand yard gaze. Some deranged-looking spindly creature materialized from the shadows and hovered toward Jeffrey; they were worse to see in person than he remembered through the nightmare.

“Yyyyy… you get away frrrom him you son of a bitch!” Sean screamed as loud as he could. “Get away from himmm!”

As Sean turned his head slightly forward, he found himself face to face with another one of the specters. Sean pulled against his restraints with everything he had in him, screaming and spitting like a feral animal.

The specter seemed to squint at him, lengthening his neck by almost a foot, his head bobbing back and forth very slightly. It made a hacking, almost wet coughing noise, which made Sean scream even more loudly at the thing.

Then, Jeffrey was screaming with the same anger and same volume as Sean, violent, unfocused. It was so sudden that the specter attending to Jeffrey recoiled and moved a few feet away.

Sean, still staining, skin sweating, pulled downward with his arms, his wrists feeling as if they might shatter against the cuffs that restrained his hands. He could tell the specter was making a move to touch him, to further restrain him, to do God knew what to both of them.

Suddenly, his right hand slipped the restraint. With every bit of energy he had, still screaming at the horror looking him right in the face, he threw the meanest hook he could, his fist smashing into the specter’s temple, knocking it end over end until it hit the metal wall on the other side of the room; it fell to the floor in a heap. It was as if gravity didn't exist here, at least as he understood it.

He had to get to Jeffrey. He had to. Sean used his free hand to pull on his other arm, his right wrist already cut up and bleeding. He cried and grunted and screamed as a thick steam filled the room, struggling, panicking, pulling as hard as he could.

“Don’t. I don’t want you to suffer. Sean, stop.”

Sean cried at the sound of his brother’s voice, his resolve and his body crumbling. “Brett?” He said with a shaky voice.

“I won’t let them hurt you,” Sean heard.

“What the fuck is going on?!” he screamed and sobbed at the same time.

Again, everything faded away, and, very suddenly, Sean’s noisy mind went silent.

*****

The sound of birds woke him up. Sean was tangled in a hug with Jeffrey, the skin between them wet and sticky with sweat.

Sean had a small migraine brewing in his head, which would probably be a thunderstorm later. He smiled slightly as he remembered drifting off to sleep, holding hands with Jeffrey, and every so often, through the night, sharing gentle kisses between them. It had been a happy night, and now, through everything he’d been through over the last few weeks, he felt like he had someone. For the first time since his brother died, he was beginning to feel whole.

Gently, Sean kissed Jeffrey on his shoulder.

Jeffrey moaned. “What happened?” He looked up at Sean and smiled. I remember turning off the lamp, and holding hands, and… I’m sorry, I fell asleep!

Sean smiled back at him. I did too. But it was nice. I haven’t slept that well in a long time. Sean squeezed Jeffrey, and Jeffrey squeezed back.

Mom’s making breakfast today.

Sean seemed to giggle in his mind when he said it. I hope it’s not pancakes again.

Jeffrey groaned. Don’t remind me.

They kissed on the lips, and Sean paused, squinting, his brain tripping over something, missing some thought entirely.

What?

He shook his head. Probably nothing. Let’s get dressed and go eat.

Together, the boys got ready and headed down the hall to the kitchen.

Tanya looked up from the stove. “Hold on! Before you sit down, we need to put some stuff on your head.”

Jeffrey nodded and backed out of the room.

Sean sat at the table, mentally watching Jeffrey search the bathroom cabinet for his medicated ointment to put on his stitches.

“How did you sleep?” Jeffrey’s mother asked Sean.

“Oh. Very well, thank you.”

“Did he get you the air mattress or did he make you sleep on the floor?”

Sean smiled. “He offered, but I slept on the floor. I like it better.”

“Well, I hoped he vacuumed the floor before you came over, at least. God knows what’s living in that carpet.”

“Hey, my room is clean,” Jeffrey said, walking back into the kitchen with a small tube of medicine in his hand. He handed it over to his mom.

Tanya pushed him down onto a chair by his shoulder, squeezing it a few times. “I made french toast with strawberry sauce,” she said, eyeballing the end of the tube and squeezing out a pea-sized amount of the semi-translucent goop onto her pointer finger.

“Sounds really good,” Sean said. “Thank you.”

She leaned forward and parted Jeffrey’s hair in a way that reminded Sean of a monkey looking for lice on one of its friends. She moved her hands, and parted, and moved, and parted. “Where are you little boogers?” she mumbled.

Behind her, Tom walked into the kitchen and watched.

She looked back at him. “Would you help me? You’re better at finding his stitches.”

He knelt down behind Jeffrey and started picking over his scalp. After a moment he dropped his arms, and sighed. He started to look again. “They’re not here,” he said.

“They’ve got to be there.”

“Are they dissolving stitches?”

“No,” she replied. “You can’t feel the scab?”

“It’s not here. There’s nothing here.”

“Let me look,” she said with a hint of exasperation. She went through his hair on the back right side of his head, chunk by chunk. “Did you take your stitches out?”

Jeffrey shook his head. “No. How would I even do that?”

She rubbed the back of his head with a finger. “It’s gone. I don’t feel any bumps or scabs or stitches at all. It’s just all gone. It’s like it never happened.”

Tom just hummed and shrugged. “Must have fallen out.”

“It doesn’t work like that, honey,” she said. She walked to the sink and washed her hands. “Stitches don't just fall out. We’ll have to go outside where we have better light and look.”

Sean scratched at an itch on the right side of his head, just behind his ear.

“Maybe they’re just really good doctors,” Tom said, offhandedly, serving himself a few slices of toast.

“Nobody’s that good,” she said.

Sean stopped, and rubbed the area around where the little bump had been. Jeffrey - the bump is gone.

What?

It’s not there anymore. It’s gone.

Jeffrey rubbed the spot behind his ear. His bump had also disappeared.

Where did they go?! Sean wondered.

I have no idea.

Behind them, Emily stood in the doorway of the kitchen, giving Sean the look of death.

Oh, God, Jeffrey thought. I forgot about the sticky note.