Ferociously Adorable - 2. Epilog

It was almost noon on a Wednesday, over a month after Lee had moved in, and I was sitting on my desk, working, while Lee was busy taking another nap. I still felt tired, so I decided to get a fresh cup of coffee and when I came back he finally had his eyes open and smiled at me as soon as he saw me.

 

"Hey you, do you want some coffee too?" I asked, returning the smile.

 

"No thanks, I'm not done sleeping yet," he replied and then stretched himself, slightly moaning.

 

"How can you spend this much time in bed? I mean, don't you get sore or something?"

 

"Shut your cock-trap, will ya? Because this is completely your fault," he answered, squinting at me.

"How is it my fault?" I asked with a smirk.

"Because you’re working all day long and I enjoy watching you," he replied matter-of-factly.

"Not once have I ever seen you watch me," I said and had to chuckle.

"Because I'm sneaky as shit, bro!" he answered, both pouting and squinting at me.

"Bro?" I asked, grinning.

"Yeah, we’re bros. Because fucking each other would be wrong, you know?"

"I thought I was your second best sex ever."

"Wrong things can be good. Like your fucking face, for example."

"What’s wrong with my fucking face?!" I asked and chuckled again.

"Well, for starters, it looks like someone took a shit on it."

"That‘s racist, you little dweep!" I replied, pretending to be indignant.

 

"What? No! I didn’t mean it like that and you fucking know it, motherfucker!" he said defensively.

 

"Although, now that I think about it, your skin tone does have kind of a shit-like quality to it," he added.

"I'd say your manors are much more shit-like than my skin tone," I replied, shaking my head, but still having to smirk.

"Hey, that was a god damn compliment, you bitch!" he said, slightly glaring.

"How is that a fucking compliment?! Jesus!" I replied, laughing really hard.

 

"Well, because I love taking shits," he said, like he was stating the obvious.

"That really doesn’t explain it at all though," I answered.

 

He turned serious and looked away.

 

"Actually, it was one of the few things that made me feel better when I was little. I mean, I always felt so dirty and gross, but relieving myself and then taking a shower or a bath kind of made a feeling go away, at least for a short while, you know?" he said and then he sighed. "I’m sorry, I sound like a complete fucking nutjob," he added sadly.

I just stared at him for a few seconds, not knowing what to say, but finally got up, walked over to him and kissed him on the lips.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked with a frown, sounding both puzzled and somewhat amused.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, but I just wanted to show you how special and beautiful you are to me."

His frown deepened.

 

"I love you, you know?" he said sheepishly.

"What?" I replied, completely taken aback.

"Do I fucking stutter, bitch?!" he asked aggressively and I burst out laughing. He chuckled too, but then I pulled myself together.

"I love you too, you little creep," I said with as much sincerity as I could muster.

 

"That's nice. Now can we stop with the bitch-babble please? Because I feel like I need to shove a tampon up my ass soon."

 

"Sure, but remember the talk we had about political correctness the other day?"

"I only remember you yippity yapping again like some crazed whore and me pretending to listen, looking at you all adorable-like and shit."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," I replied, chuckling and then I went back to my desk and sat down.

"Hey, what's with the leaving in the middle of our conversation, you rude fucking bitch?" Lee asked, trying to sound indignant.

 

"How about you look up the word rude in the dictionary and also eat my shit-colored dick while you're at it?" I asked and then I mockingly both pouted and squinted at him like he always did.

 

"Careful what you wish for, motherfucker, because I'm not opposed to the idea of eating your fucking cock with some nice mustard and onions, you know?" he replied, looking at me with raised eyebrows.

 

"Yikes!" I gasped, shaking my head again, chuckling.

 

"Exactly, and speaking of yikes, let's talk about what's wrong with your fucking face some more," he said.

 

"Oh sure, that sounds like something that will feel really good for me," I replied in a cheerful voice.

 

"You could also fuck yourself and see if that feels any better."

 

"No, I'm sorry, go ahead."

 

"Ok, so I'd say the one thing that's most wrong with your fucking face is that you don’t smile enough."

"Wow, I didn't see that coming, and if you want a serious answer, I guess I'd tell you that I’m just not used to smiling. I mean, in the past I simply never had anything to smile about, you know?"

"Well, in that case, let me show you something wonderful that'll put the biggest smile on your fucking face," he said. Next he lifted his legs into the air, pulled up his sweatpants, spread his ass-cheeks apart, revealing his anus, and then he farted very noisily. I started laughing really hard and he chuckled too.

 

"Jesus," I gasped, shaking my head, smiling.

"Now come closer please, because my ass has a secret it would like to whisper into your ear, ok?"

 

"I bet it's a dirty one, right?" I asked with a smirk.

"Eww, don’t try to be funny, just stick with being a dumb fucking bitch, because at least you're really good at that."

"Yes, my humor definitely lacks the classiness and sophistication your jokes are fucking brimming with."

He laughed.

 

"My ass-performance wasn't a joke, it was a beautiful gift, so instead of yippity yapping again, you should be fucking thanking me, motherfucker!"

 

"What kind of gift is that supposed to be?" I asked, chuckling.

 

"The kind you can think about while jerking off in the shower every morning," he answered, pouting, and then he winked at me.

 

"I do not jerk off in the shower every morning!" I said indignantly, feeling myself blush a little.

 

"Oh really? Maybe I should light all your pants on fire and see if that changes your mind?"

 

"Fine, I'm sorry, I guess I was just a bit embarrassed. How do you even know that I do that anyway?"

 

"First of all, you stop being embarrassed about that right now or I'll piss into your mouth while you're sleeping, you got that, you bitch? And second of all, I know everything about you, I even know your secret computer-password."

 

"You do?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes, it’s MyBigBlackFuckingCockUpYourFuckingAss," he said matter-of-factly.

"No it’s not!" I replied, laughing so hard I could barely breathe.

"What is it then?"

"Orwell713."

"Why the fuck would you tell me your actual password?" he answered, frowning.

 

"Because you just fucking asked me?"

 

"What if I snoop around your computer now and delete shit or get like a virus or something?"

"I know you wouldn't do that."

"How?"

"It’s called trust."

"Why the fuck would you trust me?" he asked, sounding both incredulous and somewhat annoyed.

"Why the fuck wouldn’t I?"

"Because I destroyed half your shit? Or because I'm a drunk? Or maybe because I’m the kind of person who carried around the ashes of his dead father's cock in a condom? Do you feel stupid yet or shall I keep going?" he said, looking at me with disbelief.

"Your life was extreme and that’s why you were too. But now you spend 99% of your time in bed, sneakily starring at me like the little creep that you are. So I’m not worried."

"Maybe you’d change your mind if you’d be woken by a bunch of firecrackers going off in your asshole," he said, squinting at me with one eye.

"I trust you, deal with it," I said and then smiled.

"No one has ever trusted me before, so don't really know what to do in such a situation," he replied contemplatively while stroking his chin.

"Well, not lighting a bunch of firecrackers in my asshole would be a good start, I guess," I answered, chucking.

 

"I see. What else can I not light in your asshole, huh?" he asked, pouting again.

"A bomb?" I said dryly and he burst out laughing.

"Duly noted," he replied with a smirk. "I trust you too by the way."

"You do?"

"Obviously!"

"What makes you so sure you can trust me?"

"Because you’re a good person? Duh!"

 

"How do you know that?"

 

"Are you really that fucking stupid?" he asked, slightly glaring.

 

"Maybe I am."

 

"God! I know you're a good person, because you’re kind and sweet and funny and just awesome, period, ok? Any more stupid fucking questions, you dumb fuck?" he replied, sounding both defensive and angry.

I just stared at him incredulously, feeling deeply moved.

 

"You really think that about me?" I asked after a few seconds.

"Yes, and I also really think you should shut your fucking cock-trap now!"

"Thank you," I said wholeheartedly

 

"What the fuck did I just say about keeping your fucking cock-trap shut, huh?!" he asked, glaring at me again.

"I'm sorry. Hey, how about I cook your favorite meal for you tonight?"

"You’ve already been cooking my favorite meal every night since I’ve moved in here."

"But I’m always making something different," I said, frowning in confusion.

 

"God, you're so fucking slow I feel like you should be wearing a fucking helmet," he replied, rolling his eyes at me.

 

"Oh, I get it. Thanks. But isn't there something else I could do for you?"

"Shutting your god damn fucking cock-trap already!"

 

"Come on, I want to do something special for you, please?"

 

"Why the fuck though?" he asked with a frown.

"Because you‘re making me really happy and I feel like I’m not doing enough to repay you."

 

He sat up and glared at me.

 

"God damn, you really don’t get it, do you?!" he said, sounding both furious and somewhat offended.

"What?" I asked, totally confused.

"You've saved my fucking life, you stupid piece of shit!" he yelled shakily and then sobbed. I immediately hurried over to him and took him into my arms.

"I'm sorry," I said, getting emotional myself.

He didn’t answer, he just held on to me tighter and cried into my shoulder.

 

Eventually he lay down and pulled me towards him, so I lay down on my side right next to him and he cuddled himself against me, put his arm around my waist and buried his head in my chest. I started to stroke his back and we stayed like that for what felt like a long time.

"You know," he finally said and looked up at me. "You keep getting better at fucking me. Allegorical-like and shit I mean."

"Better than your dog?" I asked, smirking.

"Well, let’s not go crazy here… Although, you do kind of look like a dog and you smell like one too, especially out of your fucking mouth, you know?"

"You‘re such a dick," I replied, laughing.

"I know, but you love dicks, don’t you?" he asked with a sheepish expression.

"Yes. I fucking adore them," I said wholeheartedly and we both chuckled, smiling.