An Awkward Revolutionary - 15. Chapter XV

At Balapa Petya and Aleksander were seated together in the garden wrapped in their coats enjoying the silence and the sun on their faces. Schastlivyy was lying next to Petya's legs, his body resting there unconcerned that his weight was on top of Petya's feet. It was the nature of that kind of dog and being a male, whilst in his own fashion loyal, he was also selfish.

"Can you move?" Petya said, addressing the dog and pulling his feet away.

Schastlivyy did not move. The light of the sun played across his hair as a breeze came and went. It reflected the sandy colour of the dog, picking out the orange and yellow of the course hair that intertwined like the wool of an old frayed rug. Aleksander and Petya were silent as they sat next to each other and that very silence spoke of their trust and intimacy.

"It's a wonderful day don't you find?" Aleksander turned to look at Petya. "There is a transparency about the air, crisp, clear, and a deep blue sky."

Petya raised his eyes. "Yes, it's refreshing."

'As refreshing as are you,' Aleksander thought. 'So soft and pale a skin, so svelte and smooth. You are a dream with whom I could lose myself.'

"I am not an admirer of that author." Petya's words pulled Aleksander from his revelry. "When he's laughing or when he's weeping, but I like his pensive and melancholy mood."

Aleksander shifted the book in his lap. "But I like him when he's laughing," he said.

"That is your accustomed way of thinking, but wait a while and I will change you." Petya smiled.

"You already have," Aleksander replied. "I am completely lost to you." He leant forward and brushed the hair back from Petya's eyes. "You are so beautiful and so delicate. Yet you have a force and an urgency. Your strength is there even in submission, and your charm could break a thousand hearts."

"Aleksander, you are such a crimson romantic." Petya smiled.

"I think, only with you, and any such romantic nature is born from desire. And you my young Satyrisci are a model of unflung desire."

"You see! You can't help yourself, poetry runs through your veins."

Aleksander grabbed a hold of Petya, wrapping his arms around him. "Were we not still in winter's grip I would take you now and thrust my steely weapon into you, such is my ardour."

Petya looked up at Aleksander inclining his head, and their lips touched.

"And what of Daniil?" Petya asked, sitting back, with a mischievous look on his face.

"You test me young man, but be careful, I could as easily thrash you as your wretched school masters."

"From you that might be tempting!"

Petya jumped up and started running along the path, but he did not get very far before Aleksander caught him. They walked on together side by side.

"My sister was influenced by him, his ideas," Petya said.

"I'm not so sure you are correct, I think Raisa Stepanova has her own projects."

"Yes, but don't you find there is a conspiracy between them?"

"I don't know. I haven't remarked it. For myself I have left Daniil behind. I am already liberated from his influence."

Petya said nothing.

Aleksander went on. "I know you never liked him."

"I can’t judge him."

"That is not really a reply. Whenever people say they cannot judge, it's an excuse."

"Well, it is not that I don't like him, but rather he is different from us. I mean his character. We may share a similar nature, but his character is quite different."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure how to say this. He is a predator and you and I are domesticated animals."

"I am a domestic animal?"

"I think so," Petya replied, hesitantly.

"Is that not a little offensive?"

"Would you prefer to be a predator?"

"Not a predator, but strong and energetic."

Petya laughed. "Oh, but you certainly are strong and energetic. The difference between you and your friend is that you care and he does not."

Aleksander smiled and moved a little closer to Petya.

"And if we are domesticated as you say. What kind of domestic animal are you?" Aleksander asked.

"I am a feline. Cunning and careful, playful and wary, with claws. Do not forget that cats can scratch."

"I would not wish to see those claws out." Aleksander smiled.

"And you won't, if you treat me nicely."

"I suppose people in your position, with your fortune, do not face many problems? The reality of life is removed as you do not touch the everyday common folk. Quite the same as the Tsar."

"But I am not rich!" Petya replied, somewhat surprised.

Aleksander was taken aback, because he had thought that the grand house, the estate, and the life style of Raisa Stepanova was something Petya shared. He had never imagined the estate was all his sister's.

"You surprise me, but it seems of little consequence."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you, Petya, say this without being ashamed nor dramatising, you make it sound right to be poor."

"Well, I have never experienced that, thanks to my sister. I mentioned only I have no fortune because you brought it up."

"I understand, but nevertheless you are constrained by your circumstances."

"Financially? I don't know. Give me an example."

"Very well then, but excuse my question. You wouldn't befriend a rich man so as to profit from such a relationship?"

"To profit, no, but if I loved him. Although, perhaps even then, I would not."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Ah! I don't know. It is a hypothetical question."

"Maybe you want to be the dominant one or..."

"No, it's not that. I am ready to submit, but equality is hard to find. You must have self-respect. And so there must be a sense of being equal."

"You are right. We must be equal. Must have self-respect. You are a strong and independent thinker like your sister."

"You must not compare me with my sister," Petya interrupted. "It puts me at a disadvantage. Raisa is both beautiful and very clever."

"And you are not?" Aleksander let the conversation pause into silence. Finally, he said, "You do know I love you?"

They had reached the house where they found Raisa Stepanova and Aleksander left them together.

"You were in the garden with Aleksander," she said.

Petya raised his eyes to regard his sister, exquisitely dressed, she stood in the hall and petted Schastlivyy.

"Were you reading together?" She smiled.

"We were... talking."

Raisa Stepanova placed her palm gently on Petya's cheek, brushing against his skin.

"I hope you haven't quarrelled."

"No, we have not," Petya replied, and moved his sister's hand away.

"What a solemn answer! I had thought to come out and find him, to find you both. But I am too late."

As Aleksander walked along the corridor towards his room, he was stopped by the butler who informed him that M. Vinogradov was waiting there.

"Daniil is here?" Aleksander could not contain his surprise.

"Yes, Sir."

"Has he been here long?"

"No, Sir. The gentleman just arrived and asked not to be announced to Lady Stepanova, but to be taken straight to you."

"Thank you," Aleksander said, and hurried on to his room.

He could not help thinking that something serious must have happened, he was releaved when he laid eyes on Daniil, who seemed quite calm. A more astute observer may have noticed a hint of agitation in the expression of his unexpected visitor. Daniil sat on the window seat, his heavy coat discarded across the back of a chair. He did not get up when Aleksander crossed the room to greet him.

"This is a surprise," Aleksander said. "What brings you here?"

He still had a lingering doubt that everything was not right.

"Has something happened?"

"Sit down. It irritates to have you pacing around. And get me a drink, then I'll explain."

Aleksander pulled the cord to summon a servant and sat down, looking across at Daniil.

Daniil sat forward and began recounting his story of the duel with Feliks Vanya. He was only interrupted by a boy appearing at the door, who Aleksander sent off to get Daniil's drink. Aleksander was astonished, and upset, by what had happened, but he did not show any emotion. He simply asked if the wound was serious and how his uncle was doing.

"He's fine, at least physically. I can't speak about his mental state."

Daniil's attitude promoted a growing feeling of dislike within Aleksander which was compounded when the boy returned carrying a tray. As Daniil took the glass and the boy turned to leave, he patted his rear, something one does not do in polite company with a servant of either sex.

"That's what comes with frequenting those who aspire to the aristocracy. The day of the feudal baron is close approaching its end."

These words exasperated Aleksander. Daniil was he thought such a hypocrite. He would slander the wealthy classes and indulge himself in exactly the same kind of behaviour with servants and labourers. Where was the justification in his point of view?

"I hope your words do not encompass me. I find that you are rather full of contradictions in your likes, dislikes, and criticisms.

"I called here on my way home. I don't know why, other than to inform you of what has happened."

"Thank you," Aleksander replied, being polite and reserved, lest he say something he might later regret.

"I wanted to take a look once more at what I had left, at the bed where I lay."

Aleksander gave him a fixed stare. "Well here I am and it seems that we have already parted ways."

"I suppose you are otherwise occupied here?" Daniil looked about the room.

Aleksander felt as if his former companion was looking for a trace a Petya, because he knew Raisa's brother was here somewhere.

"No doubt you have your own affairs to pursue," Aleksander replied, curtly.

"What affairs? With Raisa Stepanova?"

"Would that not also be a reason for stopping here?"

"I can assure you my only reason was to enlighten you as to what has taken place."

"I see. Well, again, I thank you for that."

Before anything further could be said there was a knock at the door. It was the butler.

Raisa Stepanova sent a message with the butler instructing Daniil to come and see her. The tone of this message was indeed that of a demand and not simply an invitation. She received him not in the usual room where previously they sat and engaged in conversation, but in the drawing room. She extended her hand which he delicately kissed, but her face bore a strained expression which reflected her stress.

"I don't know why you have come here, except of course to see Aleksander, but to what purpose? To warn him?" She looked intently at Daniil who merely nodded, but made no reply. "You must have received a letter?" She asked, obviously uncomfortable with the situation, there was a tense nervousness in her manner. Raisa was not her amiable light hearted self.

"Yes, I received a letter," he replied.

"Then you will be aware that two men have been arrested by the gendarmes and a third shot and killed whilst attempting to flee." She paused, but did not wait for him to make any further comment. "You put me in danger by coming here and you put yourself in danger if it is your intention to return to Saint Petersburg. How obvious it is that such a place, the university is a hotbed for anarchy and revolution. The complot is unravelled and to be associated has become a matter of deep concern."

"Deep concern, you say." Daniil having come from talking to Aleksander was not best pleased to be faced with more rebuke from Raisa Stepanova.

"Indeed," she insisted, whilst relaxing her terse tone a little. "Surely you know that by association you put you friends in danger?"

"Are you in danger because of my being here?" he asked, sounding annoyed.

"Of course not." Raisa forced the words from her lips as if affronted by the question, although she knew the opposite was true. "I am thinking of you, my dear friend."

"You are? You are not perhaps harbouring concern for yourself?"

"Don't be so disagreeable," she told him. "If you are accused you threaten your father, your family and your estate. Your acquaintance with me is simply an invitation made at the Governor's Ball. Do you think me so naive as to be dragged into something without any consideration? You on the other hand are impetuous and quick to act without thought, you are perhaps too free with your liberal point of view?"

"My liberal point of view? Is that meant as a judgement on my distaste for the aristocracy or by liberal do you mean libertine? Something which would be ironic given the relationship between your young brother and Aleksander."

"I did not call you here to discuss petty social relations." Raisa Stepanova was now quite angry herself. "You could put us in danger."

"Us?" he interrupted. "By us, you mean you."

She almost stamped he foot, such was her frustration with Daniil.

"If you return to Saint Petersburg and the university you put yourself at risk. Furthermore, you put Aleksander and his family at risk. Did you not share quarters there for several months? Obviously, you draw Aleksander into your affairs. By association. You should go home, or go abroad, get away from everything."

"Everything or everybody?"

"See things as you will, but a good man would not endanger his friends. And is not Aleksander a friend who shared with you?" She looked intently at him. "Now is not the time for foolish action. It is not the time for whatever was planned. I rather tend to the opinion that is exactly the problem, there was no real plan. And so all is undone through ill thought and careless action."

"And I should abandon my studies, my art? All this because of a letter and your point of view?"

Raisa sighed deeply like a person exhausted from carrying a heavy load across a sodden field of clay. Progress was slow.

"We all make sacrifices," she told him, and she was sincere as she said those words.

They both thought they spoke the truth. Daniil had no doubt he was right in whatever he decided, he had given things up, at least he thought as much, he was convinced in himself.

"Let's be friends," she said. "We all had the same dream."

Daniil allowed a hint of a smile to cross his lips. Raisa could not tell if his expression was one of agreement or conceit.

"You must know that at first I did not readily understand your relationship with Aleksander Nikolaev. He is young and I found him rather insignificant. But now I know him better I see he has intelligence, still he is not like you and me, Daniil Vinogradov."

"Is he still a shy creature in your presence?" asked Daniil.

"Now he is more confident, he talks to me, and he has become a close comrade of Petya."

Daniil once more felt a hint of annoyance. She talked about her brother and Aleksander in a way which to him avoided confronting the truth. Exactly like she would be part of a conspiracy without actually engaging. Rather she lived in a world where everything functioned on different levels and most importantly nothing ever moved, it was known but not acknowledged.

"You say he is more confident and talks to you. So it is no secret that he is in love with your brother?"

"What! They are close friends, that is true," Raisa burst out.

"Did you really not know that? I have told you something which is news to you?"

Raisa Stepanova lowered her eyes, feeling exasperated by their conversation. "You are wrong, Daniil Vinogradov."

"I don't think so, but perhaps I should not have said anything."

Daniil felt a certain satisfaction in revealing the truth, but in reality his own satisfaction carried with it an air of malice drawn out of jealousy. A jealousy not founded on a loss of a partner, but from a loss of control, which was a trait Daniil Vinogradov bore without realising it.

"Why not?" Raisa replied. "Although it is perhaps a thing you attach too much significance too an impression. I am inclined to think you are prone to exaggeration. If it were your intention to shock me, you do not."

"We should talk no more about it."

"Why ever not?" she repeated the question.

Raisa Stepanova felt they engaged in conversation like a battle. A too and throw of flurries of assaults on the status quo. Daniil launched into shocking attacks to rebut Raisa's defence of her position. She in turn tried to persuade him without success, because even were he to recognise her good sense, he would ignore it because it defeated his call to action. Their conversation drifted into aimless talk. She responded to him whilst lost in her own thoughts. Finally, she asked where Aleksander was and sent a servant to find him and Petya.

Aleksander was not found quickly. He was sitting alone in a far corner of the garden where it appeared he was lost in his own thoughts. Those thoughts were not sad, but rather full of promise, and when he stood to return to the house he had a certain lightness in his step. He knew that Daniil was with Raisa Stepanova and that they were no doubt discussing what had happened. Whether Daniil would have mentioned the duel or not, he had no idea. It was after all something supposed to be kept secret, for discretion, and to avoid any scandal. As he made his way in no great hurry, following behind the servant, he had a smile on his lips. It was the sort of smile that beamed happiness and the sort of smile which intimated he had made a decision.