An Awkward Revolutionary - 16. Chapter XVI

The gardens at Balapa had been greatly influenced in their design by the late Grandfather Stepanova. He had erected a building which resembled a Greek temple, with classic columns, constructed in brick and rendered in a creamy white lime. It led an odd ruined charm to one corner of the garden, now rather overgrown. Inside the portico was a hidden place obscured by bushes and vegetation of all kinds which had developed naturally in a wild and savage fashion. It was here that Petya would often come to sit, finding solitude and peace on one of the stone benches. Surrounded by the old building as if enveloped in its dark embrace, he would sit and read, or simply surrender himself to his thoughts and imaginings.

It was here that Aleksander had asked to meet Petya and he sat down beside him on the stone bench Petya had occupied. Schastlivyy was as usual lying at Petya's feet. The dog looked up at Aleksander's approach, but did not move, immediately laying back down. There was still an hour before lunch, time enough to talk, and here there would be no interruptions. Petya looked a little anxious, something due to having been called to see his sister after breakfast. Raisa had warned him to be more careful with his behaviour with Aleksander. It might be prudent to spend less time together alone with him. Not she added that it was of any concern to her, in fact, she said, she liked Aleksander, but their constantly being in each other's company had been remarked upon. Petya felt awkward during this conversation with his sister, it was as if he were doing something of which he should be guilty. Agreeing to meet Aleksander here, he had already decided to bring this warning to his attention.

"Aleksander," he began, tentively, "my sister called me to see her this morning and she..." He did not quite know how to broach the subject and floundered in his speech.

Aleksander sat quietly and touched Petya's arm gently, reassuringly. He said nothing, waiting for Petya to continue.

"She said I... we should be more careful."

"More careful?" Aleksander asked.

"Yes. She said our often being in each other's company had raised comment."

"Raised comment? How ridiculous, there is no one here to comment apart from the servants."

This made Petya reflect on that earlier conversation and he wondered to whom Raisa had been referring about raising comment.

"I know what's happened," Aleksander stated emphatically. "It's Daniil. He is the source of this. They are like co-conspirators themselves. It can only be him. He is jealous, or else simply being spiteful."

"But why?" Petya looked anxiously at Aleksander.

"Oh! I could guess. He hates what we have found between us, because he is not included. But, let me tell you, it is he who has done this. I am certain."

"What should we do?"

"Nothing, Petya. Nothing at all. He will not stay here long."

"But, I can't ignore my sister's wish."

"We have changed. Both of us. I am sure this is as true for you as it is for myself. I am no longer the idiot naive boy who had just finished university and who followed Daniil around like Schastlivyy follows you. I have grown up and discovered certain things. And you know better than anyone how I have changed. I owe that change in no small part to you."

"To me?

"Of course. I was looking for something or someone," Aleksander said, looking again at Petya. "Yet, I didn't know what or whom. Then I met you."

Petya made no reply, but looked away, staring out from their hideaway.

"I can tell you I will surprise you. We can have a life together. Your sister will not object."

"Are you so sure?"

Aleksander took Petya's face in the palms of his hands and tilted his head up before leaning in to kiss those soft red lips. Petya did not resist, but he sensed a certain reticence which had not been there before.

"If this disturbs you." Aleksander now struggled for the right words.

At that very moment they heard voices approaching and Aleksander fell silent, whilst Petya appeared to go pale. The garden path ran past the portico, but their hideaway was screened by the large overgrown shrubs. Raisa Stepanova was walking slowly, accompanied by Daniil. They could not see them, but could hear clearly the conversation, their footsteps, and even the rustle of Raisa's dress. They took a few steps and stopped, right in front of the portico, as if deliberately.

"You see," Raisa said, "you and I have made a mistake. After what has happened you cannot seriously consider returning to Saint Petersburg."

"Why not? Why should I give up my studies and my art?"

"I can think of many reasons, but the most pertinent would be to continue and risk imprisonment. Besides, you are over dramatising, your art can take a pause whilst you pursue it elsewhere."

"You think so? And what of my commitment?"

"That letter is a summons to take part in what you surely must understand is a doomed intention. More, it is condemnation by association. You must distance yourself."

"Distance myself? I rather think it too late for that."

"I disagree. Whatever we may have committed to it is not too late. I have already destroyed the letter I received."

"Well, we don't actually need one another, that is not what was important."

"And what about the others, family, friends. You are stubbornly refusing to face reality and it will hit you in the face if you continue to ignore it."

"Others, what others? Aleksander is settled here with you and your charming young brother."

"Let's not argue, that is not the reason for our disagreement. On the contrary, Aleksander..."

Daniil cut her off, "Do you really need him here?"

"He's like a brother with Petya and I like that in him. Perhaps I shouldn't allow such intimacy between them, but why should I interfere. You yourself only bring up their relationship I feel, because it does not suite you."

"Suite or not, it is there for all to see."

"Of course, but why are we standing here having this strange conversation for what seems the second time. You know I am frightened for you? You are a kind man at heart."

"I am not. I am not a kind man, but what importance is that? You tell me I am kind, but I say I am not."

The wind picked up, blowing an icy air, and they began to walk away. The conversation was lost with a final parting phrase. "You are free to do as you wish," Daniil said.

Nothing more could be heard, the wind died back down and there was silence.

Aleksander turned to Petya. He was sitting in the same position, his head lowered, he had not moved the whole time.

"I will love you for always and no one else but you," Aleksander said. "I want you to know that. I want us to be together. I want to know what's in your head. What are you thinking? I am not rich, but I am willing to make any sacrifice. Do you believe me?"

Petya looked up with a sparkle in his eyes. "Yes, I believe you," he said.

Aleksander jumped up. "Yes! Yes! You believe me."

"Yes," Petya emphasised again.

Aleksander took his hands and kneeling pressed them to his heart. Tears welled up in his eyes such was his happiness in that moment.

Early the following day, Raisa Stepanova called Daniil to see her. When he arrived she told him immediately that Aleksander and Petya were in love, Petya had come to her late last night and revealed everything, he had bared his soul, and she was very moved.

"He is my young brother and I only want for him to be happy," she told Daniil, who made an effort not to reveal the feeling of malice that rose in his breast. He felt betrayed by them and by her.

"So that's it," he said. "Only yesterday you were talking of brotherly love. What do you intend to do now?"

"What would your advice be?" Raisa asked, laughing.

"Well, I think, one should give the young a blessing and I hope they are very happy together."

Raisa made no reply but continued laughing until finally she spoke. "Young people today!"

"The young people today have become seriously crafty," said Daniil, and he also laughed.

"Why don't you stay here with us? Can't I persuade you? For your own safety and well being."

"Thank you for your kind invitation, but I think not. I have rather wasted too much time already and things are moving forward."

"Dangerously," Raisa Stepanova replied.

"Well, I hope this will not be the last time we meet, but who knows, anything can happen."

"So you are making a nice home for yourself here," Daniil said to Aleksander, as he was packing his trunk. "I was expecting you to join me, to take a completely different direction. But then, maybe, you also surprised yourself."

"We have our separate paths, although it is true I was not expecting how things might workout. Perhaps hoping, but perhaps that is wrong, because how can one have hopes for things one cannot even imagine?"

"What a way of speaking you have," Daniil said. "You watch me packing my trunk and you will see I leave no empty space. Please don't take offence when I tell you my view of Petya Stepanova is of a boy who ought to be intelligent from his education and who should stand up for himself. The latter is true, at least as far as his sister is concerned. The former, time will tell."

Daniil slammed shut the trunk and stood up.

"And now I am saying goodbye for good. You know that. You are not made for this bitter, hard life. You do not have the audacity nor the anger within you. You have a certain courage, or the nonchalance of youth, but not enough for the task at hand. You are an aristocrat and like all the noble class resigned to the status quo. You do not have it in you to fight. You are wrapped up in yourself without realising it. Never mind, my soft little gentleman's son, there are others, stronger, willing."

"You are saying goodbye to me for good," Aleksander replied, "and you have no other words for me?"

Daniil paused and looked at Aleksander.

"Yes, I do have other words, but I'm not saying them, because that is romanticism, where everything is sugary and sweet. Make your bed with that boy and I hope you are happy together. Goodbye."

Aleksander stood a long time alone after watching the coach carrying Daniil Vinogradov depart.

Raisa Stepanova had no desire to constrain the young couple and only for form's sake did not allow them to get completely carried away and disregard everything and everyone. After all, appearances needed to be maintained. At first Raisa wondered about allowing their relationship, but really how could she deny her own flesh and blood some comfort and joy.

Neither Petya nor Aleksander understood her. They felt shy in her company and could not get the conversation they had overheard out of their heads. However, Raisa soon set their minds at rest, assuring them there was nothing to be concerned about, it was an affair that was finished, of no consequence.

"There are all kinds of revolutions," she told them, "those which change the world by force and those which creep upon us with revelations. And of all those sorts of revolutions some never get started and others can't be stopped. And you," she looked first at Aleksander and then at Petya, "you are living your own rather awkward revolution."

Fin.