Maddog & The Pope (Learning to fly on Broken Wings) - 6. Chapter 6 Sicilian Stalemate

Over breakfast the next morning, a breakfast that made Inno’s mouth water, Niki offered to bring him to school. But he declined, considering it plain nonsense. By his estimation it was a walk of about ten minutes and he was perfectly able to walk that distance, thank you very much! Before he left Niki’s apartment they exchanged phone numbers, so now they could stay in touch with each other. Both of them could do very well without another period of six weeks of fruitless searching. For a second time: thank you very much!

Now he regretted his stubbornness while he tried to make his way along the Inner City Ring Road. He wasn’t walking, he was limping, maybe even stumbling, feeling like an old man who was in desperate need of a walker. In the beginning he had been upset at being late for school. Now he was less concerned, especially since he had a good reason.

Moving along, even slowly, tired him. Besides, it had been a rather short night, which didn’t do much good as well. But that part of the total equation filled him with beautiful dreams and sweet memories. It was the walking that was exhaustive, not the night before. That had given him new energy!

When he saw a bench along the sidewalk he decided to take a rest, gather his strength and energy for the second part. The bench had a view on a nondescript parking lot which was already well filled, despite the early hour. But his eyes were drawn to a little building on the edge of the parking, a building that was decorated with a beautiful mural.

“I just want to sit here for a while and then I’ll take a closer look at it.” he decided.

Being a cold day, after about ten minutes he felt the chilly air creeping through his clothes, so he decided it was time to start moving again. With some difficulty he rose and hobbled to the little building with the mural. It wasn’t far and would normally only take a minute. Today, it took five! But finally, he succeeded in getting there and stood in front of it. He let his eyes slide over it, taking in his first impressions. They were very favorable:

“Wow… this is cool!” he muttered. “No, even more… it’s legit! Even supernatural legit!”

It was a mural which had a kind of natural beauty to it, although basically it was only a kind of line art in black, on a white surface, kindly provided by the Merligborn City Council. The only exception was the lettering on the top in red, more precisely in blood-red! But despite the beauty Inno sensed it was also very sinister, expressing a haunting message. It had been made by an artist who knew what he was doing!

“Could it be him…?” he wondered, but decided against it. The whole style of the work was totally different from the Christmas tree with the kitten climbing to the star he had seen before. It had to be another artist.

He studied the details. He recognized the central figure easy enough from Christian symbolism. It was the Reaper, the Medieval depiction of Death, the ghoulish, cloaked figure with his hood drawn over his head. But where a face should have been under the hood there was only a black hole, a terrible, anguishing void. As usual he held a scythe in his skeleton-like hands that was his main tool for harvesting the mortals from the surface of the earth. In other words: simple folks in the Dark Ages believed that it was this figure who actually killed them.

Then he concentrated on the other elements. There were some skulls and parts of skeletons around the feet of the Reaper and behind him were a few trees that had clearly died of extreme drought. Perched on the branches Inno saw about three or four very undernourished vultures who were eagerly looking around for a scrap of bait to eat… but there wasn’t any!

And then the lettering in blood-red. It read: “Fuck, nothing to harvest anymore!” The letters were bold and as an extra measure the dot of the exclamation mark showed some ‘blood spots’ dripping to lower parts of the painting.

One thing was obvious to Inno, although of a rare beauty the mural was not meant to please the eye but to shock the unsuspecting spectator with a harrowing message, a deeper meaning to make people think. But… what was the meaning?

Only then he saw a piece of paper fluttering in the wind in the bottom left corner. Part of it was stuck on the painting, another part was blown loose. He stretched out his hand and smoothed it out. Immediately he saw the snarling dog head and the text “Living in your Eyes.” There was no longer any need to study the multicolored name, each letter in another color of the rainbow. It was Maddog!

“Is that possible? It is so different from that Christmas tree. That was clearly only a joke. But this? This is absolutely not meant as a joke… not in a hundred years!”

He had heard, or read, he wasn’t certain which, that the mind of an artist worked in a kind of associative or intuitive way, maybe even an instinctive one. His certainly didn’t. He was always thinking logically and analytically. Plunged in thought he scrutinized the painting a second time, taking in every single detail, trying to gauge its meaning as a whole:

“So, the Reaper can’t harvest any longer. What does that mean? It could mean there are no longer any human mortals left to harvest. But the vultures are starving… and they’ve scavenged on all corpses, human or animal. So, Maddog is suggesting there is no longer any human or animal life left. What could cause such a situation? Nuclear war?”

It was an option but somehow he thought it unlikely. Of course, he had learned during History classes the chances of such a catastrophic event were high before the 1990s, but the danger had diminished with the collapse of the Soviet Union. And during all these years no head of state had had the insanity to push the red button, destroying the world. Now, with the resurgence of Russia as a world power, the chances of a nuclear war were once again a possibility. Of course, it worried him but what could he do about it, a young high school student in some middle-sized provincial town? He could demonstrate; he could even find fellow like-minded thinkers to demonstrate together. However, Inno was under no illusions Vladimir Putin would not listen to what a bunch of school kids were screaming in front of City Hall. That is what made it so hopeless!

On the other hand, Inno had had a hard time to believe that Putin would be mad enough to destroy the world. Not out of humanity but simply because there was nothing to gain for him. He would only destroy his precious gas export markets by igniting such a foolish war, bringing no profit at all. So, Putin was an unlikely candidate to start Armageddon. He was only in the game for the cash!

But recent developments introduced an alarming thought in his line of reasoning:

“Is he?”

Because by now there was more to consider than financial gain, things he, as a simple German boy, could never know or comprehend.

Didn’t all the politicians in the West say Putin was a pragmatist and reasonable guy? So who was he to contradict that?

But a freshly raging war had made the fear alive again:

“Putin had turned into a Russian version of Hitler with even more sophisticated weaponry. But one lunatic cannot destroy the whole world! Or, can he…?”

The thought caused cold shivers down his spine. He shook his head to clear this ominous vision from his mind and tried to concentrate on the painting.

What was it that might have caused this cataclysmic vision the painting portrayed? A natural disaster? An earthquake? A tsunami or a hurricane? He shook his head:

“No! People die in a natural disaster but others survive. Besides, other people would rush into the disaster area to search for survivors, to help and assist them. The Reaper would still have his harvest and the vultures? With all the corpses lying around, they could feast on them. But what then?”

He returned to staring at the painting. For a long time, pondering over what the artist had meant to say with it. And then he saw something that had escaped his attention: the trees showed a detail which told him something.

“They have withered. They died slowly! Is he suggesting a long term natural disaster? Not one that needs a few minutes to destroy a city or a country, but one that takes years, maybe even decades?”

“I’m getting somewhere!” he cried out excited.

From the corner of his eyes he saw a man passing looking strangely at him, probably surprised by his spontaneous outburst. He conjured a regretful smile over his face as an answer but didn’t really care what the man thought about him.

Because he was near… so damned near. He just needed this one idea, this one word to pop up in his mind and he would have cracked the meaning of this magnificent work of art. Magnificent not only in its visual aspect but also in its underlying meaning. He was already certain of it!

Once again he let all the ideas pass through his mind, taking it step by step. Then he saw the light:

“Climate Change!” he roared in another excited outburst. Quickly he glanced around, feeling somewhat ashamed. But to his relief no one was near and no one noticed him.

“That’s it: climate change! The Reaper has no longer any harvest, because all men have died. All the animals have died as well, as the trees and the plants have, leaving the vultures starving as the last survivors, finding no corpses to banquet on, they also become extinct. God, how ingeniously constructed and how beautifully captured in this apocalyptic picture!”

The whole picture proved Maddog was a multi-layered artist and a real master of his art. But Inno had to admit as well, he felt proud he had cracked the meaning behind the painting.

“I love this guy.” he murmured.

“Funny… I always think Maddog is a guy. Might be a girl as well.” he thought.

A warm smile came over his face when the next thought slid through his head:

“But I only love his work. I won’t fall in love with him. I don’t even know who he is. And there is no need to. I found my lover last night. No matter who Maddog is and how beautiful he might be, he can never be more gorgeous than my Niki!”

He tried to keep this pleasant thought in his mind while he resumed the walk to school. In fact, the second part turned out to be a lot easier.

While walking he considered something else. It was something that really amazed him. In all the time he needed to crack the mural’s meaning he had seen people passing, burdened with many shopping bags. None of them had cast even a casual glance at the painting. They all ignored its beauty. Or was it meant to enable them to ignore its unpleasant meaning? That’s one way to feel secure, just stick your head in the sand! And only bother about who plays against whom next Saturday in the National Soccer League or where to park the third car in the household? Anything was better than worrying about climate change and its consequences or a nuclear bomb dropping on the city. That would harm them, living in the belief that Germany was a safe haven, a peaceful island in a turbulent and violent world, where nothing bad could happen. It was the ultimate disillusion if it were shattered and everyone would suddenly be face to face with reality!

He arrived more than two hours late. It surprised the janitor:

“Inno? Why are you so late? Now, this is a first!”

“Sorry, Herr Jäger, but I couldn’t bike and hardly walk. I hurt my knee yesterday evening.”

The man looked over his desk at the torn jeans and the bandage underneath.

“Ah yes… I see.” he said sympathetical, “That’s a good excuse. Here’s your pass. You better get along to your class.”

With the approval pass in his hand Inno tottered to the classroom where he was supposed to be. When he reached his table, he was relieved and happy that he could finally sit down. Hobbling proved to be very tiring, that was for sure. But he couldn’t understand why he had so much trouble staying awake.

 

After Inno left for school Niki considered briefly going back to bed and catching another couple of hours of sleep. But he decided against it. They had had their fun together so now he had to show solidarity in the subsequent suffering. Besides, he had quite a lot of things to take care of today.

He left the apartment about an hour and a half after Inno, his photo backpack slung over his shoulder. His first stop was the public toilet building at the edge of the parking lot, but for totally different reasons than most people had for visiting it. Once he arrived he saw that his latest production was still there and, even better, undamaged. Only the trademark poster had loosened a bit, but since this happened often, he was prepared for that. He looked around for danger and when the coast was clear he reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a tube of glue. He fixed the loose end and then unpacked his camera.

He took a photo for his archive. By now his archive contained a lot of pictures of his art work, most of them in Hamburg. Once he had indiscriminately photographed everything he made, but now he limited himself to the works he found worthwhile. Since he considered the “Jobless Reaper” worthwhile it deserved a place in his photo collection.

After taking the photo he repacked the camera and left the parking lot heading to his next stop.

On his way to it he kept an eye on possible locations for a new project, although he had no idea what that might be. It was something that had to spring up from his imagination, without any rush or pressure. Trying to force it was only counterproductive, it might even cause a blockage of ideas.

There was another thing he kept his eye on as well. Although the effect was diminishing the porn pics on internet still gave him bouts of paranoia, but by now it had reduced into a continuous nervous scanning of his immediate surroundings with his eyes. Women were considered ‘safe,’ young boys and men who showed an interest in him were marked ‘welcome,’ but middle-aged and elderly men were branded ‘threat’! Rationally he knew it was nonsense. Everyone could cast a coincidental passing glance at him without any ulterior motives, but his hurt soul evaluated the more persisting and penetrating looks as an expression of recognition and resulting sexual desire. Lucky for him that same soul was kind enough to provide him with a defense in these situations. He simply put on his ‘bad-ass’ face which always worked. On the rare occasions a man stared too long at him, this facial expression was more than enough to make him back off! Which solved any problem, at least for the time being. But the paranoia kept haunting him.

To his relief he noticed no danger when he walked to his second stop of the day, a clothing store. He felt how he relaxed as soon as he stepped through the door. He was not shopping for himself, but had charged himself with the obligation to find a new jeans for his casualty-turned-lover. While Inno was under the shower earlier that morning he had jotted down the boy’s size on a small piece of paper so he would at least buy something in the correct size.

Being a pretty regular customer a girl on the staff recognized him and came towards him with a beaming smile, calling out a:

“Hi there! And what will it be today?”

“Just some jeans…,” he muttered. “In this size.”

He handed her the rumpled piece of paper. After reading it she said with a slightly surprised intonation:

“This is not your size.”

“No,” he replied without thinking. “It’s for my boyfriend.”

Immediately he rebuked himself:

“You shouldn’t have said that! It’s none of her fucking business!”

But the assistant paid it little attention, she gave him a delightful smile:

“Cool! Lucky him!”

Niki couldn’t avoid the impression her eyes showed disappointment. He simply ignored her disappointment, it was as much his concern as his boyfriend was hers!

He ended up buying one of the high-end brand jeans. It filled him with mixed feelings. Since last night he knew Inno was like one of those kids he had met at high school, the kids who were only wearing the cheap textile discounter clothes because there was not enough money for anything else. He realized he might even insult the boy by buying it, which was absolutely not his objective. At the same time he felt pleased. He might present Inno with the very first branded jeans he ever had! It didn’t matter that much to him: the old jeans had been torn and ruined because of him and he had to replace them with no matter what kind of other trousers, cheap or expensive. And since he paid with his credit card, as usual, he was well aware that his old man would pick up the tab for it. Any way he looked at it, wealth certainly had its advantages, it was as simple as that. That was something damned hard to unlearn!

With the ubiquitous re-usable paper bag with the jeans inside, he sauntered to the next and last place on his list for today. He grinned when he thought that it would be the most expensive stop.

He walked into the bike store and looked around, surprised by all the possibilities on two wheels he saw. He knew nothing about bikes. He did his jogging in the nearby park, but he didn’t need a bike for that. And he spent evenings on end in the gym, but bikes weren’t exactly a requirement for that as well. The only thing he knew about them was they were mostly ridden by young, kamikaze-like kids, who criss-crossed the streets at will without paying attention to cars behind or beside them. He had been the same at the age of about thirteen or fourteen. Which reminded him that he did have a bike once, but what kind was it?

A salesman approached him:

“Good morning, young man. How can I help you?”

Niki sighed, not knowing what to answer and settled on:

“I’m looking for a bike.”

The man put up a perfunctory smile and replied with:

“I do hope so. If you had been looking for a refrigerator you would be at the wrong place. What kind of bike are you looking for?”

Niki started digging in his memory. His old one was bright yellow with red stripes, had sturdy wide tires and twelve gears. It was the envy of all his classmates in those days which made him mighty proud of it.

“Is it still stored in some shed in my parent’s place?” he wondered, “With nobody using it any longer?”

He couldn’t recall how it was called. Something with A… might be ATB was the right word?

The salesman was patiently waiting until he had finished his mental fact-finding tour, visibly relieved when he asked:

“Could ATB be the right word for it?”

“Ah yes…” was the reaction with another false smile, “Will you follow me, please?”

Ending up in another part of the shop Niki listened with one ear to the man’s ranting, who was recounting all the advantages of each and every model he had on sale. However, his eyes were drawn to that one ATB that hung on the wall. It was glossy dark grey with the same sexy tires his once had.

“That’s funny! It is the same color as his eyes.”

An image formed in his mind of a young, slender boy riding a bike stark naked, the color of his eyes matching the color of the vehicle and all topped off by wildly flowing ginger-blond hair.

“Cool idea for a mural!” he thought, feeling a slight arousal at the mental picture.

He stopped listening to the man altogether and asked:

“How much is that one? That grey one on the wall?”

It seemed his question took the man by surprise. His answer took a few seconds to come:

“Twelve hundred.”

“I’ll take it!” Niki reacted casually.

“I have one on stock which should work for you. It’s the right size, I think.”

“Fuck, do they have these things in different sizes?” Niki thought slightly panicked. “What do I say now? Inno is smaller than I am.”

“No, it is for a friend of mine.” he replied, outwardly perfectly calm. He carefully chose his words. He didn’t want to make the same mistake twice, calling Inno his ‘boyfriend’. There was no need to make the whole of Merligborn privy to what they had going on. But the man remained undisturbed and inquired:

“How tall is he?”

“Somewhat smaller than I am. A little over five feet, I guess.”

“Then it has to be a small one. I’m afraid I’ll have to order that. It’ll be here in about a week.” the man answered.

“No problem.” Niki said with a shrug, “Do you accept credit cards?”

He paid for the bike and left his phone number so the store could inform him when the bike came in. Then he walked out, whistling a tune. Although he realized he had behaved as the stereotype spoiled, rich kid he felt perfectly happy with his purchases, but most of all… with Inno. Life had become beautiful again!

  

Two blocks from where Niki left the bike store whistling and in a very good mood, an elderly cleric sat behind his massive wooden antique desk and read a piece of paper. The baroque desk and the associated bookcase were typical for a cleric of his rank and status. The only compromise to modern times was the ergonomic desk chair the man had ordered to alleviate backaches in his old spine.

The contents of the paper made his mood far from excellent. Actually, it was turning fouler with every line he read. Suffragan Bickermann, the head of the Archiepiscopal Personnel Office, read the letter for a second time, shaking his head in disgust.

In the letter, which was completely anonymous, a serious complaint had been made against a Father Lechner. A priest attached to the St. Luduina cathedral, was alleged to have sexually assaulted and abused a young acolyte. This had taken place in the cathedral’s sacristy after mass on a Sunday morning in September last year. The writer even recited details of how the abuse had taken place, which made some interesting reading as far as the suffragan was concerned. But in the end it was the next in so many, many, complaints that had reached his desk, of course all without witnesses.

He was fully aware Pope Francis had ordered all these complaints to be investigated thoroughly, no doubt with good intentions, but how did the Holy Father wish he investigated this complaint without a name or a witness? The only name mentioned, and scrupulously tarnished, was Father Lechner’s, whom he knew to be a very good priest. It was that which prompted his disgust, not what was written in the letter.

On top of everything else, the Pope’s orders resulted in spending an extraordinary amount of time on these wild goose chases, while more important matters sat on his desk.

“Like that vacant parish priest post in that village.” he murmured angry, “It should have been filled months ago!”

He leaned back in his chair, his fingers folded over the tip of his nose, overthinking the whole matter. His eyes slid to the window which gave a view over the large square in front of the Archbishop’s Palace and the cathedral.

“I can’t understand what it is with these young boys nowadays.” he murmured, thinking out loud, “They all seem to think they are emotionally neglected by their parents. They seem driven by lowly carnal lust, the younger ones are the worst. All they come up with is these slanderous stories, hundreds of them! And none of them can be proved due to a lack of witnesses.”

He sighed and added somewhat louder:

“They’d do better to abandon their shallow, hedonist lifestyles and turn to the Lord. That might solve their problems! Accusing fine priests won’t help them!”

He cast a last glance at the piece of paper on his desk. With a sarcastic smile he said:

“So, what does the Holy Father want me to investigate? Lechner? No need to, I know Lechner. I see him every day. He’s one of the best priests we have.”

He took the letter in his hand, crumpled it into a ball and threw it in the waste paper basket. It was a sobering and somewhat crushing perception to realize a man with his education and erudition had started to believe in his own mendacious reasoning: it wasn’t the priests who caused this problem, it was the young boys! The result was the same as it had been so often. Another sexual abuse case was effectively swept under the carpet.

“Case solved.” he smiled with satisfaction. “Now, let us attend to some more important matters.”

He took a folder from his desk. It was the personnel record of a priest he deemed suitable for the vacant parish in that small village. It didn’t even occur to him the name on the folder was the same as the one mentioned in the crumpled letter which lay in the waste paper basket…!

 

Niki had lost count! He had no idea how often he had looked at his watch, seeing time pass like a snail. After the rush of the buying spree, of course, only to “replace the damage he had caused,” as he had told himself repeatedly, he felt an urgent need to call Inno. Being unsure when Inno’s school day ended he had postponed the moment again and again, his finger regularly hovering over the pre-select button already assigned to Inno’s number.

For a while he tried to distract himself by gaming on his laptop, but he kept losing. The number of times he had lost were indicative of his lack of concentration which must have slipped very fast. All his thoughts were meandering around Inno; there was no brain capacity left for anything else!

Shortly after five all his reserves of patience had been expended. Without further thinking he pressed the ‘button’ on his smartphone screen, the one with Inno’s name behind it.

It took only two rings before he heard Inno’s cheerful voice chirp:

“Hi….!”

“Hi, how’s your knee?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore and the swelling is almost gone. I’ll put some extra ice on it tonight. Maybe it’s over then by tomorrow. But... eeuhh… is that all you wanted to ask? Or was there some other reason to call me? Like… that you wanted to hear my voice?”

“Of course that was the real reason.” Niki giggled, “And to be honest, I would love to see you tonight!”

“I can’t, angel.” Inno said. Niki heard the voice drop, he was obviously sad they couldn’t be together tonight.

“My mom is back and she wouldn’t understand if I had to go out the same evening she came back. Actually, she was here when I got home. She wanted to know what happened to my jeans. Ah well, you know how mothers are!”

“No, actually I don’t!” Niki thought with a twinge of pain in his heart.

“What did you tell her?” he wanted to know.

“Quite simple,” Inno snickered, “I told her what had happened. That I was riding my bike and that some fool came running out of an alley and ran into me.”

It was a good thing that Niki didn’t see Inno’s eyes which were rolling when he said it:

“Yes, another half-truth. I’ve become pretty good at them over the last months!”

“Oh no…,” Niki moaned, “she must have a great impression of me now.”

Inno laughed:

“No, angel! I didn’t tell her who the idiot was. She knows nothing about you… or about us! But, how about tomorrow evening?”

“Yeah… great… because your new jeans are waiting for you.” Niki replied overjoyed.

“And what about the bike?” Inno asked teasingly, “Because I don’t know how to get to your place without a bike.”

“No sweat,” Niki replied chuckling, “I can pick you up if you give me the address. And about the bike? I’m working on that!”

“Now, what is that supposed to mean?” came a curious question.

“That I’m working on it.” Niki grinned, trying to build up the anticipation.

“You make me curious.” Inno said tensely.

“That, honey, is exactly what I’m trying to do!”

“You’re a mean boy!” Inno giggled, “But despite that: I love you!”

They agreed that Niki would pick Inno up at eight. Hastily he wrote down the address on a yellow pad and with a virtual kiss and a tender “good night,” plus eight or ten repeats of the same, they reluctantly clicked the off-button with both ending the call at exactly the same moment.

 

Unsuspecting of what he would find Niki drove his flashy car to the address Inno had given him, following the instructions from his navigation. He felt elated that he would see the boy again, but at the same time there was some nervousness about how the new jeans would be received. Perhaps he had overdone it a bit…!

The more he drew near his destination, the more apprehensive he became. It was as if he was driving into another world, a world he didn’t know, a world which he couldn’t imagine, not even in his worst nightmares.

The surroundings bore no resemblance with the neighborhood he had grown up in. The universe of his childhood had been composed of luxury and wealth. This was the total opposite: it showed only decline, poverty and hopelessness. It was a ghetto for the unsuccessful.

The streets were lined with cold grey concrete apartment blocks, as stark as those of the former East Germany. All of them looked rundown and monotonous, without even the slightest trace of color, in one word: drab! The only spark of brightness was some laundry occupying one of the balconies catching the last rays of the gradually setting spring evening sun. But the area was so disconsolate even the sunlight lacked the strength to add the smallest amount of splendor to this neighborhood.

“So, this is the other side of society. The side I don’t know. The side that was kept hidden from me!”

“My God, Inno,” he muttered, “how did you manage to grow up in a dump like this?”

He found the right street, the right block and the right main entrance and parked his racing monster. When he got out he noticed a guy in his twenties, his hood drawn over his head, staring at his car with unmistakable greed in his eyes. After casting an uneasy glance over his shoulder, he made sure that the car was closed properly and walked to the entrance along a path made of ruptured and holed asphalt. Once he found the correct doorbell he pushed the button.

The little intercom lit up, managing what the sun had failed to do, it shed a tiny brightness over the building. Inno’s excited voice through the loudspeaker added still more warmth.

“Hi… great, you’re here! I’m coming down. I’ll be there in no time.”

True to his word Inno ran out of the door within the minute. Niki wanted to embrace and kiss him, but Inno pushed him gruffly away, filling him with a baffled uncertainty. Then he tried to take the boy’s hand, but this gesture was ignored.

Inno looked for a second at the fancy car parked at the curbside and looked around. Then he asked:

“Where’s your car?”

“It’s right in front of you.” Niki replied hesitantly.

Inno narrowed his eyes and muttered:

“Jesus Christ!” only to add more firmly:

“Let’s get out of here!”

They entered the car and Niki bent over to kiss his boyfriend, but another rebuff followed:

“Not here! If someone sees us kissing my inconspicuous days are over!”

“What do you mean?” Niki cried out, by now feeling really confused.

“Look at me, sweetie.” Inno answered with a sad smile, “How much chance do you think I would have against one of them gorillas here? The only way I survive here is by making sure I stay unnoticed.”

Non-plussed Niki started and drove off. When they left the street Inno said firmly:

“This is the first and last time that you’ll pick me up or bring me back!”

Niki looked at him in horror and almost screamed:

“Are you saying it is already over… before it actually started?”

Inno shook his head, put his hand on Niki’s arm and said:

“No, dude! Slow down and don’t jump to premature conclusions. I’m only saying it is too dangerous to come here with this fancy car of yours. Some guy might knock you down from behind and grab it. I don’t care about the car, but the thought that someone might hurt you or even worse, is unbearable for me.”

“Is it that bad?” Niki asked in disbelief.

Inno looked at him with eyes full of sorrow and emphatically he replied:

“Yes, angel. It is!”

“But how do you get back?” Niki asked troubled.

“I’ll think of something.” came the casual reply.

Once they had left the rundown neighborhood and were driving through the more normal parts of the city things cleared up in the car with Inno returning to his own chirping, cheerful self.

When the door to Niki’s apartment was shut he noticed how all the fears and uncertainties he had experienced earlier that evening melted like snow in the sun.

Inno moved close to Niki and finally they embraced. Niki forgot about the outside world, only occupied with Inno’s sensual lips on his.

Inno seemed to read it in his eyes. As soon as their lips separated, he said:

“I hope I didn’t frighten you too much with my rather cold reception.”

Niki tried to shrug indifferently but it was not very convincing, making him reply:

“As a matter of fact, you scared the hell out of me. I really had no idea what hit me!”

“I’m so sorry, angel.” Inno whispered with a conciliatory smile, “It’s just… call it a question of self-preservation.”

“I understand…,” Niki remarked. He appeared to think it over, then added:

“No, that’s not true. I think… maybe I even only hope, I understand it. Because the world in which you grew up is so completely different to the one where I grew up in.”

“Yeah, that was obvious,” Inno chuckled, “especially when I saw that car you’re driving.”

“No,” Niki reacted somewhat defensive, “don’t put the blame on the car only. That was just a birthday present from my old man.”

“Wow!” Inno exclaimed with large eyes. “I wish I had me a father like that!”

Niki stared over Inno’s curls to some undetermined point in the room for a few seconds, then he uttered:

“I don’t think so!”

There it was again, another indicative remark about something that had happened without explaining or discussing it any further. Just the same oyster reaction.

For a second time it triggered Inno’s insatiable curiosity. Niki did it again. He had no idea what was wrong, but he was certain Niki was being eaten up by a problem… or more than only one! But his intuition told him it was no use trying to probe for it. It would only serve to make the clamshell more impenetrable. It had to come out all by itself. He could ignore his curiosity because Inno was blessed with another fine quality, he was patient!

Niki made them both some tea and they sat on the couch, arms around each other, talking.

“How did you and your mom end up in that… how do I call it? Shitty neighborhood?” Niki wanted to know.

“Because it is the only part of town where mom can afford the rent,” Inno answered without shame. “I told you before, we’re just poor people.”

“But, did you always live there?” Niki continued.

“As far as I can remember, yes. I always lived in that part of the town in the same apartment. My mother once told me she took me with her from Munich, shortly after I was born. She is from Munich. But you know, Niki, I know it’s a ramshackle neighborhood and it’s a small apartment because we never had much money. But for me it is home. Because mamma made it my home!”

Niki couldn’t avoid the feeling, a strong envy boiling up. A question stuck in his mind: what was it with money and love? His youth was spent in a villa with swimming pool and tennis court, but his parents were cold and indifferent. They really couldn’t give a damn about him. And here, sitting beside him, was Inno, who got all the love he wanted and needed, but had hardly a dime to live on. Couldn’t afford a decent place, only a dump in a crap area where other people didn’t want to live! Was there some unknown correlation between wealth and parental love? And if so: could life be influenced in a way that a child had both?

Inno took a swig of tea and changed subjects quite radically when he said:

“That reminds me, that evening you ran me off my bike, didn’t you say something about having been painting?”

With a shock Niki was torn out of his musings:

“Time to be careful now!”

“Can’t remember.” was his only reply.

“You can’t remember you said it? Or that you were painting at a ridiculous time of the day?” Inno asked with a somewhat suspicious smile.

“Neither of them,” Niki said with a shrug, “why do you ask?”

“When I walked to school yesterday morning…”

Inno stopped talking for a second. A wide grin came on his face when he continued:

“Well… walked? When I stumbled to school yesterday, I had to take a rest on a bench along the inner city ring road. You know, at the large parking lot with that toilet building beside it. When I sat there, my eye fell on one of the most beautiful murals I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh… really?” Niki tried to get away from a potentially dangerous situation.

Without being asked Inno started to describe the painting. Niki listened ostensibly very interested, but at the same time he thought:

“Don’t bother. I know every line of it.”

Inno continued his description undisturbed, ending with:

“Doesn’t it sound absolutely legit?”

“Yeah, it does,” Niki concurred, “I have to see it for myself, but it sounds cool.”

“Funny thing is,” Inno said pensively, “I think I cracked the meaning of it.”

Again, he started a long monologue, recounting his reasoning. Niki had to make a real effort to hide his surprise. He discovered he had not only met a very cute kid, but also a very smart one. Inno’s explanation hit the nail on the head, it was exactly what he had wanted to express.

“It was from some artist I’ve encountered before.” Inno said with an enigmatic smile. “Another great work of his I saw, a Christmas tree toppling over because a kitten was playing with the decorations. A guy named Maddog.”

He looked Niki right in the eyes when he asked:

“Do you happen to know somebody who calls himself Maddog?”

Niki frantically shook his head. He didn’t want Inno to know he and the mysterious Maddog were the same person. That is, he was the real person behind Maddog, his alter ego, a vague shadow in a dark night. It had to stay a secret at least for the time being! He didn’t want to blow his cover. He loved Inno, but was not sure if he could trust him. If the kid talked too much he would find himself in a world of hurt, maybe ending up in bankruptcy despite his almost limitless access to cash. It could happen, if angry real estate owners would file their claims for “damaging property.” He was not willing to risk that. And then that other reason to keep it quiet, the thought of being unmasked was unthinkable, even unbearable.

“Funny…” Inno said, “you said you had been painting. And you came right from the direction of that parking lot. Actually, the alley you jumped out from has its other end exactly opposite that very parking lot.”

“Well…” Niki defended somewhat weakly, “it wasn’t me who made it. I’m not very good in arts. I’m just a trainee-photographer of kinds. And I don’t know any Maddog.”

“Yeah,” Inno said meaningful, “they all say that, don’t they?”

Niki had no idea what to make of this last remark, but sighed in relief when Inno made another abrupt change in subjects with an inviting smile:

“Now, show me the jeans you bought me!”

Niki handed over the bag with the jeans. Inno was delighted with them, but said they were too expensive. He just wanted the same old jeans to replace his damaged ones, not really expensive designer jeans.

“Yeah well…,” Niki made an attempt at justification, “I just bought them at the same store where I buy all my own stuff.”

Inno sat astride his lap and cupped his hands behind his neck, whispering:

“You are such an incredibly cute and sweet boy!”

Then another intense kiss followed. When their lips parted Niki said:

“Come on, honey… try them on!”

Inno did as he was told, leaving him briefly standing in only some very sexy red and white undies.

“Damn,” Niki moaned, “you make me horny the way you look!”

“Not now, angel.” Inno cooled his desires. “Tomorrow is just another school day for me. So, I better start thinking about how I get back home, before mom starts to worry.”

Niki knew the boy was right. Besides, tomorrow was another normal working day for him as well.

“I’ll take you.” he volunteered.

“No,” Inno reacted vehemently, “I told you earlier this evening, not with your fancy car.”

Niki considered it briefly, then he suggested:

“But… if I bring you to a point you consider safe you could walk home from there. It saves you a lot of walking, you know… and time on top of that.”

With that suggestion he won the argument. About twenty minutes later, on the way home, Inno told him to stop the car, they were close enough. Here they kissed goodnight without concern.

When Inno got out and was closing the door, Niki leaned over and said:

“Inno… call me when you’re home. So that I know you’re safe.”

“Sure…” came the cheerful reaction, “Sleep well and beautiful dreams!”

Then he was gone.

Niki waited about ten minutes, wondering if the expensive bike was such a good idea. It was not that he begrudged him; it was about the risk Inno might be no longer inconspicuous when he rode it in his own neighborhood. His cell phone rang:

“Hi angel… I’m home. Sleep well, sweet boy of mine.”

After a last virtual kiss he clicked the cell phone off, started the car and drove home.

 

It had been one of those working days that Niki could have well done without. Still being under the continuous scrutiny of his tormentor Herr Weber he was ‘caught’ by what seemed to be a terrible mistake. It led to his most humiliating experience so far. Weber started chewing him out in the store in front of his colleagues who all remained suspiciously silent. Even worse, it was in front of a client, who looked extremely embarrassed.

The acidity of Weber’s words went far beyond the actual severity of the alleged mistake. They were aimed at breaking him down and at mortifying him to the bone only for the fun of it!

The only one who objected was the client who was visibly cringed at what he saw happening right in front of his eyes. After staring at the scene with open mouth for a few seconds he said:

“Now wait a minute! Maybe the boy made a mistake but you can’t deal with it the way you are doing now!”

Weber raised his hand to cut the man off, looked at him with cold eyes and with an icy voice he replied, using his typical clipped way of speaking:

“This is an internal matter. I would appreciate if you keep out of it!”

Niki endured all this without any immediate outburst of anger or defense. It was not that Weber had his way. It was not capitulation. It was only because he knew each objection would only serve to prolong the ordeal, something he wanted to avoid desperately. The sooner it was over, the better it was. But his eyes spat undiluted hate and his mind was boiling in outrage:

“I’ll make sure you are going to pay for this, creep!”

When Weber’s hidden and lowly motives seemed to be satisfied he made another reference to the cryptic “company policy.” Then he turned around and walked away with his presumptuous steps, clearly pleased with himself. But after a few steps he stopped like he had forgotten something, faced Niki another time and cried out with unsurpassed scurrility:

“And get that ridiculous thing out of your ear!”

Then he resumed his way, as if he had behaved in the most normal fashion one could expect from a branch manager.

With a look in his eyes that could kill an elephant, Niki stared at the receding back and hissed pretty loudly:

“Fuck you!”

Immediately he blushed, looked at the client in front of him and muttered:

“Sorry, you were not supposed to hear that!”

The man shrugged, gave him an encouraging smile and said:

“Don’t you worry, son. If he had done to me what he did to you he would be in desperate need of a dentist appointment.”

It meant Niki was in a very foul mood when he got home that evening. He tried to compensate for that by calling Inno. However, it was a rather short talk, not out of friction between them, but simply because Inno told him he had to study hard that night for an important test at school the next day. It was a subject in which he had already messed up the previous test. But Inno wouldn’t be Inno if he didn’t end the talk with at least a spark of light:

“How about Sunday, angel? Would you like to hang out… just the two of us?”

In reaction to this suggestion Niki only giggled:

“You just turned my whole day bright again!”

After dinner he put some music on, took his sketch pad and started experimenting with lines and surfaces without having a firm idea where he wanted to go with it, forgetting all about Weber. Despite what had happened at work he felt great. Inno had taken care of that!

When his cell phone rang it made him more than annoyed. It brought back the very unpleasant experience at work that day, because in a reflex he expected that it was his father. He would no doubt jump at the opportunity to give him another tongue lashing.

He took the phone and looked at the number, ready to reject the call. He didn’t recognize it, it was an unknown mobile number, leaving him without any idea who might be calling.

“Perhaps it’s Raimund? That would suit me just fine. I’ve got a score to settle with him!”

His curiosity made him accept the call. A cheerful voice said:

“Hi, little bro. How’s life?”

It was Dmitri. It took Niki a few seconds to overcome the initial surprise, but then he answered, sarcasm gushing from every word:

“Allelujah! I witness a wonder during my lifetime!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dmitri asked, clearly taken back by this answer.

“That someone in Hamburg remembered that he had a brother once, of whom he is suddenly asking himself if he is still alive.” Niki answered caustically, “Or did you already wonder about that during Christmas, when I wasn’t invited. Oh well, at least dinner must have been pleasant that way!”

He heard a deep sigh, then Dmitri said:

“No, it was not pleasant at all. It made me furious that they hadn’t asked you. But when I brought up the subject over dinner, I received glances from mum and dad that almost kicked me out of the door without any words. Both were carefully avoiding even mentioning your name, as if you were some terrible plague. In other words: Christmas dinner was a very tense affair.”

“Yeah,” Niki uttered as mean as he could, “but you acquiesced… as always!”

He hoped that would put an end to the phone call, but to the contrary: Dmitri took up the challenge and said rather sharply:

“I guess it is about time I told you something. Something that you won’t believe, even find absurd, but it is the complete truth.”

Niki was not exactly in the mood for absurd stories. He had problems enough of his own, but what could he do about it, apart from crudely push the button to stop this conversation? So, he waited...

Dmitri seemed to sense his hesitation and started with:

“You really seem to think that you’re the first one who ever stood up to our father and that I’m one of his most faithful vassals. Well, little bro, I’ve got news for you! I was there as well. I know what is going on in your mind.”

Niki emitted a scornful laugh and exclaimed:

“That must be some kind of joke! I never noticed any resistance on your part!”

“Because you couldn’t.” Dmitri reciprocated light-heartedly. “May I remind you there is a twelve years age difference between us. Which means when I started my revolt at the age of about fifteen, you were only three. And when I saw the advantages of conforming to what was required of me at about the age of twenty you were barely eight. You were far too young to see it. But I can assure you: I was there as well. I can understand you think your struggle is the first one in the family, having no knowledge of mine. But, little bro, the more I looked at you these last years, the more I knew I’ve seen it before. I saw history repeating itself!”

“With the difference you gave in, in case you forgot that tiny detail.” Niki sneered.

“Yes, I did,” Dmitri said, “because I was fed up with fighting him and saw the possibility to shape my own life how I wanted and with less stress, resistance and less useless waste of energy. Maybe you’ll give up as well. But I know that is not you! I don’t think you will, because, and I’m sorry to say this, little bro, you have always been pigheaded and willful and I doubt that will ever change. Besides, as far as I understand, your dreams and plans for the future are so far apart from his vision, you have to be heading for a collision. Me, I’m content with a management job, so I can live with a cease fire between the two of us. As far as you and dad are concerned: you nearly overstepped the line for our old man! You know what I mean.”

“Ah yes,” Niki said hatefully. “My terrible sin of wanting to be an artist.”

“Exactly.” came the reply. “He is not very kindhearted towards artists in general, but especially not towards his son, if he turns out that way. And eeuhh… your paintwork on his shop windows didn’t do much good to soften his views on this! But…”

Niki was certain he heard a clear chuckle through the phone :

“…I actually liked what you did there. Especially the effect when it was dark.”

Niki was wondering if his ears worked correctly, was Dmitri actually picturing what he had painted on those windows, after all this time? And was he snickering when he spoke those last words?

Dmitri gave him no chance to think that over because he continued:

“I can feel you’re not in the mood to talk to me. I can understand that, since you see me as an enemy. But, for once, be wise, little bro. Save my number. If you need anything just give me a call. Bye now.”

A click followed and Niki stared at his screen in confusion. With his mind in a maelstrom he tried to figure out what this phone call actually meant. Gradually it dawned on him, it was all very nice to criticize and launch hateful verbal attacks on his brother for adapting and conforming, but wasn’t he doing exactly the same thing?

He looked around in his living room, remembered that great car in the basement parking garage. It was all paid for by exactly the one he meant to resist and he basked in it. It led him to an inescapable conclusion, one that filled him with shame:

“Yes, I do. I don’t like it, but I do as Dima did… I conform. Does that make a dissembler out of me? Or only someone who has to find a way to get away from it all? If I only knew how!”

He followed his brother’s advice. For once he was wise and he saved the number! Just in case he needed some counsel in the future.

 

That next Sunday Niki drove to the same ‘safe spot’ where he had left Inno at the beginning of the week and picked him up. He had to, Inno was still lacking a bike.

“But not for long!” he grinned when he entered the correct street. In the distance he saw the head with the ginger-blond hair waiting. When he approached the boy began to wave energetically.

They drove back to Niki’s apartment where they started with tea, hanging in each other’s arms while enjoying it. Instead of cookies they had kisses which turned out to be a tremendous substitute.

Niki knew he was lying through his teeth when he said:

“Oh, before I forget… your bike arrived.”

“As if you could forget that, you idiot!”

With some difficulty he succeeded to disentangle himself from Inno’s loving arms and gave a nod with his head to follow him. Once in the hallway he simply said:

“There it is!”

Inno’s eyes grew to saucers, his lower jaw dropped in utter bewilderment. He stayed that way for a full minute, then looked at Niki, uttering only one remark:

“My God!”

“You like it?” Niki asked anxiously.

“Niki,” Inno stammered with difficulty, “do you always do that?”

“What?” Niki cried out in despair.

“If you have an accident with your car and write off someone else’s old VW Beetle, do you always replace it with a brand new Rolls Royce?”

Niki chuckled and replied:

“Depends on whose VW Beetle it was. But honest… do you like it?”

“I love it!” Inno cried out enthusiastically, “It’s a beauty. It’s the kind of bike I always dreamed of…”

His voice dropped and his eyes became somewhat sadder when he added:

“But that I could never afford.”

Niki pretended he didn’t hear the last remark. He didn’t like talking money with Inno, fully aware of the large discrepancy between their two worlds. He reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out the keys, saying:

“Here are the keys for the safety lock I had made for it. I guess you might need it.”

Inno took them and put his arms around Niki’s neck. Softly he said:

“You are such a sweet boy. No, not because of the bike nor the jeans. It is your eyes that tell me you must be the sweetest boy on the world.”

A tender kiss was exchanged, which took some time. Once it ended, Inno threw all caution out of the window, when he announced quite bluntly, not mincing his words over it:

“Absolute beginner or not… I want to make love to you. And I mean all the way!”

A long, ardent kiss followed, a kiss of a blazing intensity Niki had never experienced before, but that confirmed his surmise, love could only be emotional electricity. He took Inno by the hand and led him gently to the bedroom.

What had been an indoor fire grew completely out of control, rapidly developing into a wildfire. Even while undressing each other their lips hardly parted. An overdose of drugs couldn’t have caused a whirl like the one they were in.

It was Niki who lost control of all inhibition, if there had been any in the first place. With lips still glued together and Inno in his arms he let himself fall backwards onto the bed, pulling Inno with him in one swift move. It placed the boy exactly where he wanted him, on top of him, so he could enjoy the skin contact to the fullest possible extent.

Fingers stroked shoulders, backs, hips and soft buttocks. Tongues performed a ballet in mouths and in free air, only to resume the soft caressing of closed eyelids, nose tips, necks and throats, followed by a return to the other’s lips again to repeat the delicate in-mouth struggle. It went on and on for what both felt was an eternity in heaven.

Niki loved how Inno’s enormous ready-for-action cock pressed into him, not caring any longer his own was dwarfed by it. He slid into his familiar role, a consuming, burning desire to feel that big hard tool inside him.

“I need it! I want him!” his mind screamed.

He succeeded in parting his lips from Inno’s and looked in the compelling grey eyes. They seemed alight, fuelled by a fire of lust. He whispered:

“I want to feel you!”

“But…” Inno answered hesitantly, “you can feel me. I’m on top of you.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Niki said. “I want to feel you inside me!”

The expression in Inno’s eyes changed from determination to uncertainty bordering on fear, when he muttered:

“I’ve never done it before. Maybe I… well… you know… maybe I will do it totally wrong.”

With an encouraging smile Niki replied:

“We all had our first time once. Including the mistakes. Just take me. I need you!”

“But… why?” Inno asked almost forlorn.

The look in his eyes matched the look Niki had seen during their first meeting at the gym. He sighed and said:

“Because it makes me feel what I want to be right now.”

“Tell me what you want to be and I’ll try to make it happen.” Inno whispered in his ear.

Niki hesitated a few seconds, afraid that he would make a fool out of himself. Despite his apprehension he decided to throw it out in the open. If Inno didn’t understand it, it would be hard to build a relationship between them.

“I… I…” he stammered.

“Tell me, angel.” Inno insisted gently.

“So every now and then I like being a girl.” Niki said with eyes full of fear, “Especially when I’m in bed with a boy as sweet as you are. I can’t help it. It just happens. So… please… make me a girl! Make me your girl! Please…?”

As an extra incentive he spread his legs, giving almost unlimited access to his tightness. Accidentally it brought Inno’s large cock head in perfect alignment with his small, but very wanting entrance.

No one will ever know if Inno’s normal sharp powers of analytical perception were clouded by the dense haze of lust or he didn’t bother with Niki’s words, which other people might consider ‘peculiar’ at the best, ‘weird’ in the worst case.

Anyway, he looked into Niki’s eyes, his own expressing a mix of anticipation and awe. He muttered:

“Will… will you… tell me if I do something wrong?”

“Yesssss,” Niki moaned expectantly, “but, honestly… there isn’t that much you can do wrong.”

“Not with the condition I’m in now!”

Inno pushed the flared head against Niki’s hole and started his first attempt at mating. It fared miserably, like the second and third tries.

“I can’t.” he cried out in despair. “I can’t get in. I want to get in… feel how it is… but I can’t!”

“Force it in!” Niki groaned in utter frustration.

Inno looked at him with scared eyes and cried out worried:

“But that could hurt! I don’t want to hurt you!”

“Just do it, honey,” Niki whined with a deep sigh, “I can handle the pain. I’ve been there before.”

With a mental shrug Inno decided there was no other way if they wanted to do it this afternoon. Niki was right, there was a first time for everything and not pursuing the chosen path now would only postpone the problem. It would still be the same first time, only at a later moment.

He put the head of his now moist cock against the sphincter for the fourth time, gathered all his strength and courage and pushed, forced it in… no, he rammed it in!

Niki squeezed his eyes shut, gritted his teeth to suppress a cry of pain and sucked in the air through his clamped closed teeth. He wasn’t sure any longer that he could handle this assault, the big bulbous head penetrated him forcefully.

“Yeah, you’re in!” Niki exclaimed in mix of delight and suffering, recovering a little.

The pain subsided and Niki experienced a feeling of being filled as he had never been filled before in his life. Not even the now cursed Raimund had managed such a total filling up during his young, inexperienced years.

“Move deeper,” Niki moaned full of lust, “but slowly… gently!”

Inno did as he was told, enjoying the warm, damp environment around his head and shaft enormously. Even in his wettest dreams he couldn’t have imagined it would be so beautiful. After a few minutes of cautious progress he exclaimed, every word expressing his sincere astonishment:

“How did you do that? I’ve got it in completely!”

“Never mind!” Niki whispered, “Do what you have to do! And while you do it… kiss me!”

By now there was no longer any reason to hide behind a ‘first time’ and Inno didn’t even try to. He reverted to the low and primitive animal-like drive, a feeling that didn’t know a ‘first time’, but had always been there since mankind was on this planet. He reacted like evolution had taught his forebearers hundreds of thousands of years before. He thrust his cock deeper and deeper, hammering with rhythmic back-and-forth movements from the hips.

Niki clamped his legs around Inno’s bottom in an effort to force his lover in deeper. He felt how the oversized shaft compressed his prostate and how its forward-and-back movements started to massage and stimulate the sensitive organ.

“I have to pee!” he thought, somewhat panicky.

There was no need, he knew the feeling, could suppress it. With eyes closed and lips pressed against Inno’s he concentrated on the sensation of the large piston that was driving into his ass. He understood how it would end and he craved for the final explosion deep inside him.

“Am I doing OK, angel?” Inno asked, uncertain.

“Yeah,” Niki groaned. “You’re a real grinch! Keep on doing it… give it to me!”

“What is a…?” Inno thought. He had never heard of the word, but the way Niki said it sounded very positive, so encouraged Inno started to frig him like someone possessed. His thrusting was fast and ferocious, like it was driven by the rhythm of a chimerical and inciting Sicilian tarantella. Niki’s loud moaning and wild cries did nothing to diminish the burning fires of lust that were consuming him:

“Yeah…! Yeah…! Do it… make me your girl… make me your sweetheart… Oh…yeeeaahhh! Fuck me…! Fuck me!”

Inno was propelled into a frenzy of desire. He increased his tempo, closing his eyes and making at least some effort to keep his breathing regular because he noticed black spots in front of his eyes, which might mean he was nearing another hyperventilation. But before this catastrophe took place he cried out:

“I’m close... God, angel… I’m going to cum!”

Niki was fighting his own battle to keep some measure of control. With Inno’s lance thrusting deep inside him there was nothing he could do to keep the tiger that was clawing to get out, subdued. When Inno pulled almost all the way out and slammed that massive cock into him in one swift deep penetration, he lost it! Niki’s dick jerked uncontrollably, sending his semen shooting powerfully all over them.

This was all it took to take Inno over the edge. His cock was gripped tight by multiple spasms as Niki ejaculated and Inno shot his own load into the boy beneath him. Pumping out repeatedly, feeling he was being milked of every last drop.

Niki felt the pulsating rod buried inside him. He was impressed the boy had held out so long, considering the punishment he had dished out pounding Niki's ass! This was a first for both boys. The inexperienced Inno fucked a boy in the ass for the first time, while the seasoned old hand got his first anal orgasm. Even the bastard in Hamburg had never managed to give Niki that pleasure. Satiated, with energy spent and their balls empty, they collapsed, out of breath, in each other’s arms.

Once he caught his second wind, Niki muttered:

“Wow!… you are a real talent! Are you sure this is your first time?”

Shining with pride Inno looked at him with still-feverish eyes and asked:

“Does that mean I did all right?”

“Did all right?” Niki cried out, “You’re a genius. You know, you gave me what no one has ever given me before.”

Inno blushed.

“He is so cute when he blushes.” Niki thought.

“I love you, you know.” he said.

Inno giggled somewhat shy and replied:

“I always feel so abashed when you say that.”

“Why’s that?” Niki wanted to know.

“Hey, look at me. I’m some kind of small, skeleton-skinny boy with red hair. And then a boy, who is the pinnacle of beauty and sweetness, tells me he loves me. To be honest, Niki, for me you are the grand prize in the lottery… the jackpot!”

“I don’t love you for how you look, but for who you are!” Niki said. “And I guess that is the most important reason for love.”

Unknowingly his finger stroke over one of the blots of congealed sperm on Inno’s chest. He licked it off his finger tip and said:

“I made a really big mess. Let’s take a shower and clean up!”

It was not limited to cleaning up. While enjoying the hot water streaming over their skin Inno gave another demonstration of his newly-found talents, adding another first. He gave Niki his first exhausting work-out while standing up. After he had had his orgasm, he giggled:

“This way we’ll keep cleaning up forever!”

“Why not?” Niki moaned, his lips already inviting his lover for another go at it.

 

Since that Sunday night with Niki, by now a few weeks back, and especially since their being together the next Sunday afternoon, Inno had been walking on clouds. In the days that followed he discovered the clouds could have different forms and most importantly, different colors as well, depending from which direction and aspect the light fell on them. They could be an enchanting white on top, but a threatening dark-grey and even black from the bottom. The white top represented Niki, the dark bottom personified two problems, one retracting, the other emerging. The retracting one had the funny habit of coming back in short, fierce relapses. It was the old guilt he felt towards God. But even during the recurrences he was able to control it by sound reasoning, although this might be largely based on wishful thinking.

The emerging one had a growing impact on his daily feelings.

It concerned his mother. He had no problem with her, there was no conflict or quarrel, he still adored her as he had always done. The problem was also about Niki, not their blossoming relationship, that was just fine.

Over the weeks he discovered he had increasing difficulties with combining these two people. He was forced to find more and more excuses for his mother to explain why he had to go out on evenings when he had always been at home before Niki came into his life. He had to keep inventing new stories to explain for his Sunday afternoon absences. At the same time remembering the old ones so he wouldn’t use the same excuse twice.

Along with this, his wanting increased. He had experienced his first gorgeous sex with Niki, fulfilling a long existing dream. Now he longed for the next step. To spend whole nights with him, not only for the sex, but to feel how what it was like to wake up next to him, kissing him good morning, while staring into his enchanting, no doubt sunlit, radiant dark eyes. He knew he had a problem there. It had to be virtually impossible to find a good subterfuge that would escape the suspicion of his all-knowing mother. Besides, he was fed up with lies and half-truths. He had deceived his mother more than enough. He wanted to be open about things because lying might endanger what he was building together with Niki. But the last thing that he wanted was to choose between his mother and Niki. It was not a choice he could make. It would break his heart, just like it would break the heart of the loser in this dilemma.

That evening he sat on his bed, his back against the propped-up pillow and his knees pressed against his chest. While he was overthinking the whole increasingly hapless situation, well aware that it had to be solved one way or another, a smile slid over his face. Not because he had found a solution but only because a funny thought came up:

“Who could have suspected, what one coincidental meeting in a gym could lead to?”

Then his thoughts turned back to the business at hand. Of one thing he was certain, it was time to put his cards on his mother’s kitchen table and without holding back anything. The only question that remained was: how he would do it? He could be blunt, but that was a sure recipe for a rift with her. And why should he? No matter what he did or said it would hit home like a sledgehammer. But there were large sledgehammers and small, so why use a large destructive one when a smaller size would have more effect with less damage?

“So, I’ll do it gentle and wary!” he uttered under his breath.

The first decision taken, he started to develop scenarios in his mind, but found that to be a very hard exercise. It was one thing to plan what he would say, but his mother’s reactions were a kind of unreliable forecast, mostly based on wishful thinking or maybe even only on dreams. Things might turn out in a totally different way than he was trying to plan for.

He had to work something out, he had to think of a way, because his mother had started to make life pretty impossible for him. He didn’t presume it was with bad intentions, like an urge to control or suspicion. It was more likely interest and a genuine concern, but nevertheless, since he started seeing Niki regularly on evenings and during weekends, he experienced it as suffocating. He didn’t like explaining and justifying each and every move he made. He was entitled to shape and determine his own life now, no matter how she thought about that. He had reached the age when he should! And that made confrontation unavoidable for more than one reason.

The following evenings he prepared for it by thinking out carefully formulated phrases, hoping that would do the trick without too much collateral damage.

 

The confrontation came but not exactly on his own chosen terms. His prepared and rehearsed phrases were redundant, because his mother caught him completely off guard.

It was over dinner. He was eating his pasta as always, nothing unusual, at least he thought so. But he didn’t see his mother observing him, studying him, and she had an endearing smile on her face. Suddenly she said:

“You know that old saying?”

He looked at her, surprise written all over his face.

“What old saying?” he asked.

“The old saying, that says ‘Staring eyes are in love!’” she answered with a wide grin.

“Shit no! She’s getting on my nerves again!”

“Have I been staring then?” he wanted to know.

“Oh yes…,” she said with a smile of curiosity and eyes that seemed to x-ray his mind. “And not only now during dinner, but very regularly for about the last two or three weeks.”

“Damn…am I that transparent?” he wondered, but he kept silent, simply because he didn’t know what to answer. Until he thought of something.

Slightly irritated he said:

“We have another saying at school.”

“That’s nice,” she chatted on, “How does it go?”

He had no idea how the saying went, because there wasn’t one. But it popped up spontaneously, just like that, and with a sardonic smile on his face he recited, as if he was reading Shakespeare:

“If boys’ eyes are dreamy, their sperm gets creamy!”

“Inno, I don’t want to hear that kind of talk!” she cried out admonishing him.

“Hey, you asked for it!” he muttered.

“That will get her off my back!”

He was wrong: it didn’t!

“Come on, bambino”, his mother insisted with a voice sweet as honey. “Tell me her name? And what does she look like?”

Inno felt the first drops of sweat starting to trickle down his spine. He was trapped and he knew it.

“Bambino…” his mother said, teasing, “Your head is turning red. Why? At your age there is no shame about falling in love with a beautiful and sweet girl.”

He got this hunch and it might save him from a disaster… but only in a pinch:

“But… mamma… I want to be a priest. I can’t have a girlfriend!”

“Oh yes, I know,” she grinned. “But the Lord’s ways are inscrutable, especially when a young boy’s hormones are involved.”

“Damn, she has an answer on everything,” he thought. “I’m stuck without a way out!”

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t find a way to escape from what almost seemed to be a trap. He knew he had to say something, she wouldn’t accept silence any longer. By now the sweat was no longer trickling down his spine, it wet his whole back, making him shiver. Out of necessity he decided to say the truth, fuck the consequences:

“Mamma…she has no name. Because there is no she. There is…” He started to fidget in his chair, only to continue: “There is a he… and his name is Niki!”

An exploding bomb couldn’t have had a more destructive effect than his answer. She let her fork fall out of her hands, her jaw dropped in consternation and her eyes took on a horror-struck expression. Nothing was said for an excruciating long time! Only the clock on the wall could be heard… Tic toc…tic toc.

“What will happen next?” he wondered in silence, “My God, I’m scared to death!”

Tic toc…tic toc…just the clock; nothing else.

The scene in the kitchen was a photograph of two distinctly unhappy people, each for their own reason.

Inno had lost all perception of time, but after what seemed to be an eternity to him, his mother cried out on the edge of hysteria:

“And you just said you wanted to be a priest!”

“Yes, I wanted to be a priest, once.” Inno replied with a disconsolate sigh. “But I changed my mind for two reasons. The first one is, Niki changed my life forever and I want to stay with him for as long as I live.”

“And the second reason?” his mother demanded sharply.

Inno took a deep breath, considered his reply and compromised with a meaningless:

“I think it is better that I don’t tell you. You are a good Catholic, mamma, and I fear that the second reason would destroy your faith in the Church completely and forever.”

“What does that mean?” she asked a bit menacingly.

“Nothing! Just forget it!”

He shrugged and added:

“Besides, you just told me the Lord’s ways can be inscrutable.”

It didn’t help very much. His mother continued whining in Italian and Inno did the only thing he could do, endure it. Until she said something that made him laugh out loud:

“Say that again!” he cried out, gasping for air.

“I will never be a grandmother.” his mother repeated, tears streaming over her cheeks.

“Mamma, that’s bullshit! You wouldn’t be a grandmother either if I had become a priest. So, what’s the fucking difference?”

His mother stared at him, clearly in shock. Then she grunted something unintelligible, as if she wanted to concede the point Inno had made. However, Italian mammas in distress are very inventive in finding new arguments to continue their litanies, so the woman said:

“I gave you all I could. And what do I get back in return? A son who only prolongs the shame on me and on the famiglia. Do you know what that means? I know… I’ve been there. I was the black sheep when I had you, me… an unmarried young girl. Your grandparents turned my life into hell during my pregnancy and after you were born with their sermons and lectures about sins and Sicilian traditions and that God would frown on it. And now you do the same to me by telling me that you are un omosessuale, one that is lured into wrongful longings by the Devil. Encora, I’m shrouded in shame with my parents, my family and God. Madre de Dio, does it never stop?”

Inno felt her deep grief, but he also felt his own growing irritation. With a voice carefully devoid of sarcasm or sharpness he countered with a well-considered:

“Mamma, if you have suffered under the punishment and heartlessness from your parents for having me, you know what it means. No matter how you judge my being gay, can you, as an expert through your own experience, submit me to the same inhuman treatment you had to live through yourself? Is the Catholic code of honor and morals that rigid, that all sins and weaknesses have to be considered and punished in the same way as it was done during the 17^th century, or in the middle of the 20^th century? If that is the case, I don’t want to have anything to do with it. And by the way, is the tenet of our faith not based on forgiveness and mercy? In other words, mamma, I can truly accept that you are hurt by what you call my ‘wrongful longings,’ but I hope I can expect some leniency and forgiving for my sin and my weakness. And maybe you can at least respect that I will have a life, that is different from yours.”

That stopped her. Clearly distraught she looked around like she was searching for an answer, but she remained silent, it looked as if none could be found.

Gradually Inno returned to real life, finding reality a lot harsher than it had been when he had entered the kitchen for dinner.

“How fast life can unexpectedly take a different turn.”

Despite that desolate discovery he felt something akin to pride and relief. It was finally out in the open. He could breathe freely now. There was no longer any need to lie, to find excuses when he wanted to go to see Niki. She would know what it was all about. She didn’t have to like it, she only had to accept it as a given thing. How could he have known the reality became even more poignant than it already was. His mother let out a deep, sad sigh and softly she said:

“What am I going to do with you?”

There was another painful silence, but after a second, even deeper sigh she said:

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not throwing you out of the house. But I really want some time alone to think things over, if I can forgive you and if I can accept this… Godless relationship.”

These last words were not spoken in a soft voice, but spat out in disgust.

After a short silence she added:

“So you better leave for a while. Until I have made up my mind.”

He nodded in resignation. After pushing his still half-filled plate away, he rose, whispering:

“Then I better go pack.”

Before he left the kitchen he turned around. He stared at the heartbreaking sight of his mother’s back, the shoulders slumped, the head bowed in her hands. After a careful cough he said:

“I’m truly sorry I hurt you. I never intended to cause you pain or wanted to break your heart. But you gave me no choice, mamma. Either I had to break yours or I must ignore and suppress all that I feel for Niki. And that would break my own heart. That price is too high for me.”

He stopped talking for a moment, sighed and continued:

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, not even that you understand it. But I will be the happiest boy on earth when you accept and respect what Niki and I have together.”

She didn’t react, not with a word nor a movement. She just sat there as the incarnated sculpture in granite of the Stabat Mater Dolorosa, Mother Mary grieving for her crucified son. It made Inno realize, the rupture was a final one….! There was no way back!

While packing some clothes, his school books and some small personal things, he let the film of his childhood and youth run through his head. It had been a poor time, marred by financial impossibilities. He remembered, how meat had been a luxury, only reserved for Sundays and special occasions. He recalled how his mother gave him a full, healthy and nutritious meal, while she sustained herself for days on end on sandwiches with peanut butter because there was not enough money to buy proper food for the both of them. But despite all that, it had been a happy time! His mamma was always there for him with her love, her selfless care. She understood all he said, sensed all he thought and forgave all his petty sins. Apart from that last sin! As if she envied him the love of his life.

He didn’t recognize it as a child, couldn’t have understood it as a boy of fourteen even if he wanted to, but now he saw it clearly. His mother was unable to accept the love of his life, because she was a child of Sicilian traditionalism, infested with Catholic double morality. A murder on behalf of the Mafia? The priests couldn’t have cared less! But a man’s love for another man? Now that was a crime worthy of eternal Damnation! It was her world and tradition, so wasn’t it a bit dumb to expect another reaction?

Once he finished packing, he took his cell phone and pressed the pre-select for Niki’s number. When he answered, he said sadly:

“Hi angel… can you pick me up?”

“Inno, sweetie… you sound so sad!” he heard Niki cry out, “What’s going on?”

“No, not now!” he replied decisively. “I’ll explain later. Please can you pick me up?”

“Oki… at the normal pickup spot, I assume?”

“No, do it at the front door.” Inno said. “I’ve too much to carry around right now!”

“Inno…” Niki wanted to know with a troubled voice, “What’s happening?”

“Not now,” he sighed, “later! I beg you. Pick me up!”

“Oki,” he heard to his relief, “I’m on my way!”

He took the bags with his little possessions, stepped into the hallway, where he saw his mother standing with red eyes, a sure sign she had been crying.

“You have my cell phone number so you can always call me once you’ve made up your mind.” he said, trying his best to keep his voice calm and level. “And don’t you worry about me. I’ll be with Niki.”

His mother frowned and snorted:

“Sounds like a very good reason for me to start worrying!”

Inno laid his hand on his mother’s shoulder, took a deep breath, assembled all the courage he still had left and said:

“I will really be praying for your positive answer. Ciao, mamma!”

He turned around, took his bags and walked towards the apartment door, fighting back the tears.

“Ciao, mio bambino!” he heard his mother say with a trembling voice.

Once the door slammed shut, the woman in the apartment burst into tears as did the boy on the staircase.

 

Niki was worried sick when he drove through the city and his concerns had nothing to do with the speed cameras he saw flashing every now and then. He knew he drove too fast, but decided he would see later what tickets came from it. The only thing, that mattered to him was Inno was in real deep shit and he had to get there to get him out of it.

Since he had only been once to the street where Inno lived, he drove using the satnav but even then he got confused when he saw nothing in the street where the GPS had sent him. Until he noticed a black shape sitting on the curb surrounded by bags of some kind. Was it some homeless kid… or was it Inno?

He stopped and jumped out of the car, recognizing his boyfriend, who fell around his neck as if he was the knight on the white horse coming to the rescue, while he let his tears run free.

“Jesus, Inno!” Niki exclaimed. “What’s going on?”

Inno shook his head and highly agitated he answered:

“No! Not now, not here! Too dangerous for you!”

“Then get in the car.” Niki said decidedly, opening the passenger door. “Is that your stuff?”

Inno nodded.

Niki made short shrift with it. He opened the trunk and started throwing the bags in. Once done, he stepped in the car, started and drove off towards his own place. With only one eye on the road, he kept looking at Inno, the sight of whom made him nauseous with anxiety. The always so cheerful boy sat curled up like a sick sparrow and his face looked extremely pale.

“What happened?” he asked carefully.

The only reply was a wordless shaking of the head. Niki stepped on the gas. A speeding ticket more or less didn’t matter any longer. He just wanted to have Inno safe at his place as soon as was possible.

Once home it turned out to be a long night of listening, talking and stroking Inno’s curls. Comforting him when Inno described last evening’s going-ons. Then a short night’s sleep. Once in bed Inno was asleep very fast, simply out of exhaustion. But Niki had more problems with moving to dreamland. He was plagued by an uncomfortable premonition:

“Lukas was kicked out on the street because he was gay. Now Inno suffers the same fate… although he seems to think it is only temporary. We’ll just have to see how temporary it is. But… who is next in line? Me?”

After a short time of worrying, tossing and turning he succeeded in falling asleep as well.

Despite the sad cause which found them waking up together the next morning, Inno discovered it to be as beautiful as he had dreamed of when he looked into Niki’s scintillating eyes and when they exchanged their first good morning kiss.