The Snake's Lover - 3. 3. Mr. Garter's Condition

“Which room is Mr. Garter in?” Andy asked anxiously.

“Hold on,” the nurse at the Mount Sinai admissions desk commanded. “Are you family?”

“No,” Andy admitted.

“Family and spouse only,” the nurse said.

“But I have to see him.”

“Family and spouse only,” the nurse insisted.

“I would be his spouse if it were allowed,” Andy said.

The nurse smirked. “You don’t look like a spouse to me,” she said. “You can see him if you’re accompanied by a family member. If it’s all right with them. So come back when you’ve got a member of his family with you.”

A doctor approached. “Problem here?”

The nurse turned to him. “This man wants to see the new admit, the one in a coma.”

Andy tried to keep his temper. “I’m the one who called the ambulance. I’m the one who filled out the admissions forms. He doesn’t have any family. I’m all he’s got.”

The doctor said, “Do you have current power of attorney?”

“No,” Andy said sullenly.

“Well, then,” the doctor said. “If family members show up and find out we let you into his room, they’re going to be very unhappy with us.” The doctor turned and left.

“Can you at least tell me how he is?” Andy begged.

“That information is for family and spouse only,” the nurse said, and returned to the paperwork on her desk.

Andy sat in the waiting room with his head in his hands, occasionally beating his head with his fists. Misery swamped his brain, but tears wouldn’t come.

After an hour, a voice next to him said, “Sweetie, you look like you’ve got the troubles of the whole world on your shoulders.”

He turned to find a nurse seated next to him, smoking. Somehow he wasn’t surprised that the nurse was a snake. “Not the whole world, just my whole world,” Andy said.

The snake-nurse nodded. “Who is he?”

“My friend,” Andy said, then more quietly, “My lover. They won’t let me see him.”

“Bitches,” the nurse said. “It’s always the same here. Oh, we’re so modern, oh, we’re so progressive, but you want to visit the one person in the world who’s most important to you? Forget it. Family and spouse only.”

“They probably shouldn’t let me see him. He’s in here because of me.”

“What did you do, clock him with a frying pan?”

“No, I — I burned something of his.”

The nurse squinted. “His skin?”

Andy nodded.

“Oh, honey.” The nurse shook his head. “Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

“Does he love you?”

“Yes.”

The nurse stubbed out his cigarette. “Sweetheart, when you find a man who loves you, who also is comfortable in his own skin, that’s something you need to hold onto for dear life. You’ve got to figure out how to make this right.”

At last the tears came. Andy managed to sob, “I don’t know how.”

The snake wrapped himself around Andy and squeezed. “Don’t worry, honey. Avery Teitelbaum, RN, is going to help you storm the fortress walls. Follow me.”

Through side doors and back doors, through whispered questions to fellow nurses, and through the supply room where Avery found a nurse’s uniform in Andy’s size, they made their way to the top floor, where Mr. Garter lay in a private room.

Avery raised an eyebrow. “Sugar, you sure snagged yourself a looker. He could be in the movies.” In a more serious tone, he said, “So you burned his snake skin?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he’s going to have to grow a whole new one. That can take weeks or months. He’s going to need a lot of help. And even though you obviously don’t deserve him nearly as much as I do, fate has picked you for the job. Good luck. Don’t let anyone see you up here, and if you get caught, leave my name out of it.” Avery patted Andy’s shoulder and walked away.

Andy stood beside Mr. Garter, who was breathing but otherwise unmoving. Andy held his hand. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Garter. I just wanted you to be a man all the time. I was so stupid. When you get well, you can be a snake as much as you want and I won’t care. I love you either way. I was such an idiot to care about people sneering at us. Please, just get better.”

Mr. Garter breathed in deeply and breathed out. His eyelids fluttered. He opened his eyes and seemed to see.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” Andy answered.

“You’re awfully cute,” Mr. Garter said. “Who are you?”

“Andy. Andrea.”

Mr. Garter’s gaze wandered. “There’s something I was supposed to remember.”

“I’m sure it will come to you,” Andy said, moving to hold Mr. Garter’s hand in both of his own.

Mr. Garter’s eyes closed and he seemed to sink into his pillow. He stopped moving except for slow, shallow breaths.

“Any change?” The voice of a nurse at the door startled Andy.

“No,” he said, releasing Mr. Garter’s hand. “Pulse still the same.”

“I don’t remember you,” the nurse said.

“Andy. I was with him when he was admitted. I thought I’d pop in and see how he’s doing.”

The nurse smiled and shook her head. “Everybody wants to check up on the handsome guys,” she said. “I feel sorry for the ugly patients. They must get so lonely.”

Andy excused himself.

********

At home, Andy tried to clean up the mess in the bathroom. When Mr. Garter had first collapsed, Andy poured water on the burned snake skin while he called for an ambulance. A small strip of the skin was not completely burned, only singed. Andy rinsed it and placed it between two towels to dry.

He heard the front door open. Wondering if some miracle had occurred, he ran to the front hall, where he startled a woman carrying cleaning supplies.

“Cleaning lady,” she said warily.

“Oh,” Andy said. “I didn’t know Mr. Garter hired a cleaning lady.”

“He’s hardly ever here. I only come once a month.”

“He’s in the hospital.”

“Oh, that poor man! I am Gabriela. I have cleaned his apartment for years. Such a good man. I hope it’s not too serious!”

“I’m Andy. I’m afraid it is pretty serious. His recovery might take months.”

“Was he in an accident?”

“A fire,” Andy fibbed.

“Ay Dios! Who will take care of him?”

“I’ll be with him every minute I can. So you’ve known him for a long time?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Did you ever notice anything unusual about him?”

She shrugged. “Well, he’s a little, you know—“ she demonstrated a limp wrist, “—snaky. But so sweet, and kind, and good. And most good to people who are not rich or powerful. When he has nothing to gain.”

Andy wrote down a telephone number at which Gabriela could be reached and let her get on with her cleaning. He locked the recovered bit of snake skin in the beautiful box.

********

Avery slipped Andy into Mr. Garter’s room a few more times. He was still mostly unconscious. However, he did awaken once and say to Andy, “Hey, you look familiar.”

Unable to hold back, Andy said, “I’m your boyfriend.”

Astonished, Mr. Garter asked, “Is that the thing I wasn’t supposed to forget?”

“Almost,” Andy said. “You weren’t supposed to forget that I love you.”

Mr. Garter’s expression brightened, then darkened. “There was something else.”

“I did something terrible,” Andy began, but by then Mr. Garter had slipped back into unconsciousness.

********

Andy’s grandmother was pleased to see him. She got right to the point. “How is your snake?”

“Not good, Nonna. So much has happened. I love him. But I hurt him very badly.”

“No girlfriend, no boyfriend, I knew there would be trouble. What did you do?”

“I tried to stop him from being a snake.”

“Why?”

“I was embarrassed about the way he talks.”

She snorted a laugh. “Just like your father, embarrassed about my accent.”

“What?”

“Yes, it’s because of my accent that he won’t take me anywhere. He doesn’t want a mother who sounds like an immigrant. The problem is, I am an immigrant.”

“That’s why? That’s terrible.”

She shrugged. “More terrible than being embarrassed about a snake? Such creatures can’t help themselves. You can’t stop their animal nature. It’s like asking men to stop looking at women. Or at men, in your case. Or at men and women, in the case of your uncle Louie. Did you know that Louie was once having an affair with a man and an affair with a woman at the same time? And it turned out the man was married? And then it turned out that the woman was married? And they were married to each other? So that worked out pretty well for a while, they all liked each other, until the man and the woman decided to get a divorce on the grounds of adultery.”

“Really interesting, Nonna, more than I ever wanted to know. But can we get back to Mr. Garter?”

“Eh? Oh, your snake.”

“Yes. He’s slipping in and out of a coma and he doesn’t recognize me. He doesn’t know who I am.”

“You must tell him who you are. And tell him that you love him. In fact, you must tell everyone who and what you are, and that you love him. This will save him.”

“Sure, I’ll throw a big party and stop it in the middle and announce to everyone, ‘Hey everybody, I’m in love with Mr. Garter and he’s a part-time snake.’”

“Excellent idea. I look forward to getting an invitation.”

“You’re a barrel of laughs, Nonna.”

“I’m serious. Do it. Give a big party. Tell everybody.”

Andy scowled at his grandmother, but she showed every sign of being in earnest.

********

The next day, when Andy slipped in again to visit him, Mr. Garter said, “I think I had a dream about you.”

“Really?” Andy asked.

“It was in New Orleans, in my favorite hotel. It involved a kiss.” Mr. Garter blushed.

“Might be a dream, or you might be remembering,” Andy said.

“Really?” Mr. Garter inquired. “How could I forget a kiss from you?”

“Maybe if I kissed you now, it would jog your memory,” Andy ventured.

Mr. Garter shrugged. “Maybe.”

Andy kissed him, trying to put into the kiss all his love, longing and remorse.

As their lips parted, Mr. Garter searched Andy’s eyes, and at last said, “Nope. Doesn’t ring a bell. Maybe if you tried again.”

At that moment, the nurse entered. “Mr. Garter, good news. We located your brother, a Mr. Cicero Garter. Do you wish to see him?”

“Cicero! Yes, by all means!” Mr. Garter said.

“Good. And if your condition continues to improve, we can start talking about releasing you to home care.”

“Fantastic! Did the doctor ever figure out what’s wrong?”

The nurse hesitated. “The tests never showed anything out of the ordinary. No evidence of trauma or disease. Frankly, he’s been kind of stumped. He’s brought in other doctors, and they’ve never seen anything quite like it either. We’re all really glad that you seem better. Oh, and Mr. Abbott? Now that a relative has been located, we really have to insist that you clear your visits with him. And you can stop the nurse act. We’re not stupid, and trying to be flexible only extends so far.”

Andy gulped. “Yes, ma’am.”

The nurse left.

Mr. Garter asked, “That’s your name? Abbott?”

“Yes. Andy Abbott.”

“And you’re not a nurse?”

“No,” Andy said. “I’m your assistant. I’m your apprentice. I’m your lover. I’m the one who put you in the hospital. This is my doing. This is my fault.”

Mr. Garter grinned. “Were we doing something particularly vigorous?”

“No.” Andy pushed through the shame. “I burned your skin.”

Mr. Garter was utterly perplexed. “Burned my skin? I don’t have any burns.”

“Your snake skin,” Andy said.

Mr. Garter’s eyes searched the ceiling. “I’m a snake!” he finally said. “I have a skin that I – You burned it?”

“Yes.”

“All of it?”

“Almost. There’s a little piece left.”

“Oh. That’s good. That will help. But I don’t remember any of this.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Well, if I could remember, I’d probably be really mad at you.”

“You can be as mad as you want, but please let me take you home and take care of you.”

“Take care of me?! What did I do to inspire such devotion?”

“We’ll have plenty of time for me to tell you all about it.”

********

The telephone was ringing when Andy got home.

“Garter residence.”

“Hello, may I speak to Andy Abbott, please?”

“This is Andy.”

“Hello, Mr. Abbott. This is Cicero Garter. I understand you’ve been visiting my brother in the hospital.”

Stay calm, Andy. Stay professional. “Yes, sir. Mr. Garter hired me a few months ago as his assistant. I’ve been living here at his residence. I’m the one who called the ambulance.”

“Yes, so I understand. Can you tell me a little bit more about what exactly happened?”

Oh boy. “Well, he collapsed and he was unconscious. I don’t think I can tell you any more than that.”

There was a brief silence. “But I think you can tell me more, Mr. Abbott. I think I know the symptoms. I think we both know his dual nature, and we both know about his second skin.”

Andy hesitated. “Yes, sir. His skin was damaged.”

“I would like us to meet, if you would. At the hospital. How about the reception desk at four PM?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. I’ll see you then.”