Detour - 5. Chapter 5

BLAIR

“So,” Wes said, once James had disappeared to go order food on their behalf. “Am I allowed to ask?”

“Ask what?” Blair’s head started to throb. Yet another headache. He’d been having a lot of those lately. A part of him wanted to blame the caffeine, or maybe the lack of it now that he had developed a dependency on it.

It felt wrong to blame everything on Alex these days, as though the world revolved around nothing else. He still needed to familiarize himself with Wuthering Heights. There would most likely be a pop quiz to test that everyone at least read the book over summer break. Details kept slipping through his grasp. Since when did school get so hard to focus on?

Wes gave him a look.

The buzz of background conversations in the food court wavered in and out of Blair’s focus. Life continued to go on, yet Alex’s silence from earlier froze him. Alex’s moodiness never evaded his attention. The victims just happened to be everyone else, like Matt or even Dom, but rarely Blair.

Finality tasted sour.

“I’m taking that as a no,” Wes said, raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

Wes gave him yet another look. Blair was never great at deciphering those.

“That whole thing earlier. The foosball guys.” Wes leaned forward, eyes glinting. “Who even was that?”

It was moments like these that made Blair glad he was usually so stoic, despite the complaints he usually got about it. The annoyance that flared up would’ve been impossible to hide had he been anyone else.

“It was just Alex.”

“Oh? And who is this Alex?” Wes tapped a finger on the table, clearly waiting for some exciting gossip. The smile on his face looked a little too sly.

“A friend.” He tried to remember if he’d ever mentioned him before. His jaw ached from grinding his teeth so much in the past hour.

“A friend?” That sounded a little too shocked.

He reeled himself in. Of course anyone would be skeptical after that weird interaction. Frigidity radiated off Alex, the inaccessible look in his eyes, the way he’d turned his body away from Blair as though repelled, or even disgusted, by him.

“Yeah.” Blair was not interested in explaining any of this to anyone. He glanced around to try to spot James, but the redhead was nowhere to be found.

“Okay… I thought it was like an ex or something. Or a situationship. I’ve been there,” Wes said, so bluntly that Blair could’ve imagined himself doing a spit take. “Cause honestly, that was so much worse than when I ran into my ex-situationship at my cousin’s cotillion. They had a piano cover of Shape of You playing in the background too. Thought I was in literal hell. At least Thomas said hi to me.”

“I’m not-” Something seemed to freeze his vocal chords. Blair hesitated. It was hardly a second, too brief a moment in time to be noticed by anyone else, but he could’ve sworn he saw a flash of something in Wes’s eyes. “He’s just… a friend. You had a situationship?”

Not “best” friend. He couldn’t bring himself to say that either. Anyway, he didn’t know Wes enough to start venting about his life issues. The last thing he needed was for a new friend to think of him as some emotional, drama-focused asshole. He hardly even talked about his issues with Alex.

Alex, who was always so clingy and so incapable of leaving Blair for longer than a few hours. His eyes looked so apathetic just then.

He needed to stop thinking about it. The guilt would follow him for a while, so he might as well wait to get home before letting it consume him.

“I dunno. It’s weird. I call him my ex, but we weren’t technically together. So I just say situationship… whatever,” Wes said with a sigh. “Did I never mention him? He’s on the lacrosse team with that asshole Liam Kingston. Yes, that Kingston. God, they’re best friends, if you can believe it. That’s another thing. Lacrosse team players, stay away. Tennis is still up in the air, though.”

At least this worked to distract him, just barely. The idea of people his age having entire situationships while he was here, suffering in silence over a potentially failed friendship, made him feel painfully childish. Obviously, that was all his fault. He should’ve been able to run to Alex after this, so they could laugh at the idea of someone in a situationship.

They loved to make fun of middle school couples. There was really no better source of comedy than other kids thinking their relationships, soon to be forgotten in mere months, were as serious as life or death. All the drama over spending lunch with someone else, break-up texts, holding hands to class… Alex, particularly, loved to complain about a certain pair comparing themselves to fictional couples.

“How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy Spiderman without Emily and Tyler calling themselves Peter and MJ?” Alex would whine. “They even changed their icons to match. All I’ve got left is Game of Thrones at this point.”

Yet another thing Blair ruined with his own stupidity. He couldn’t even look forward to debriefing with Alex. There’d be nobody besides Harrie and Oreo waiting at home for him. Alex had even blocked him on everything, so it wasn’t like he could just check whatever he was up to. It truly felt like there was a gaping hole in his life now. The more time dragged on, the more he started to sober up to the possibility that Alex may never speak to him again.

As Wes ranted about his ex, Blair propped his chin on his hand and stared at the sea of people around them. Friend groups, couples, families. Everyone seemed so content and relaxed. Just another evening at the mall, grabbing something to eat before heading home for the day. He wished he could be someone else, somewhere else. Someone who still had a best friend, who hadn’t made a stupid mistake that probably ruined their lives permanently, who didn’t have to worry about starting at a new high school full of rich kids that he would never relate to.

“See, I can talk about this forever,” Wes said, rolling his eyes. “I fucking hate him so much. But whatever. Are you seeing anyone?”

That at least startled Blair enough for him to respond. “No. You asked me that before, remember?”

Wes suddenly got a weird look in his eyes. He just smiled and shrugged, like there was a joke Blair wasn’t in on. “Yeah. Well. Things change.”

Blair: Are you okay??
Blair: Alex?
Blair: I know you’re upset but please answer
Blair: I really hope you’re okay
Blair: I really am sorry for not making it to the party in time
Blair: I don’t know how I fucked it up so badly but call me when you wake up so we can talk. Unless you’re hungover then it can be later
Blair: I’m sorry. Are you awake yet?
Blair: It’s just been such a weird phase lately. I’m really so sorry. I didn’t want to get you involved in my own issues like that. But I still want us to be friends
Blair: Alex??

He reread the long stream of texts he’d sent every day since that night. Alex had turned read receipts off after a while, so whether the new messages even went through remained a mystery. There were paragraphs of apologies, occasional question marks, a few desperate pleas, and even some irritated comments. He couldn’t help any of it.

It couldn’t just end like this. Seven years of friendship. Not just any friendship, either. Plenty of kids at school knew each other for years. Blair and Alex were different. They practically lived together. A day never went by without them talking. Every other activity, even walking to the grocery store for snacks, never happened alone. The silence now smothered him.

Friendship breakups happened to the weak. He’d seen it a few times in middle school. The reasons were always so stupid, too. Mostly, people sometimes upgraded to the more popular or to the wealthier, leaving their friends behind. But how could Alex ever expect Blair to do that to him? Even if he made more friends, how could anyone replace Alex? Blair understood the impossibility of that, but apparently Alex couldn’t, so here they were.

Again with the moping. This was getting tiring. Maybe he needed to just give Alex space, but it seemed it’d achieve nothing besides more distance. Eventually that distance would become familiar, and then they’d really stop talking, and Blair would be left without his best friend.

Every day felt the same now. Just constant schoolwork, attempts to read, texting Alex, and waiting for Alex to text back. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take. Edgewood’s approach made it all much worse, as though starting the school year without Alex by his side signified the real end of their relationship.

This had to be what insanity felt like. He couldn’t even muster up resentment anymore. Not even bitterness came easy these days.

It was on one of those nights, the stretch of time where he’d stay up with nothing but caffeine to propel him forward, when a text came through. Just the buzz of his phone brought him to full alertness in the way no amount of coffee ever could. He muted virtually everyone except for Harrie. And Alex. That way, he’d know.

But when he flipped his phone over fast enough to nearly drop it, it wasn’t Alex’s name glaring up at him. It was Matt’s.

Matt: No message for Alex this time?

Blair winced. Even though he felt no shame - Matt was the closest thing he got to hearing from Alex these days - he at least had enough dignity to feel embarrassed over the constant messaging. Considering the strange and frail relationship Alex had with his brother, Blair and Matt rarely ever interacted. Even as children, Alex would pitch a fit if Matt spoke to any of his friends for too long.

Blair: Sorry about all of this. Is he ok?
Matt: He’ll live
Matt: I wanted to ask if you were still going to go to the airport with Alex when I leave?

Blair just stared at the message blankly. The plan had been for Blair to tag along with Alex to the airport. Alex hadn’t wanted to go at all, but apparently his father was forcing it, so Blair was meant to be there for moral support.

Clearly that strategy wouldn’t work now.

Blair: I didn’t exactly think I was still invited
Matt: You should still drop by. I think it’d be good for Alex

A part of Blair just felt awkward on Alex’s behalf. This was like if Harrie decided to step in and try to mend their friendship - actually, this was worse, because Alex and Harrie at least got along. She’d been there throughout those seven years, after all. Matt was…

What was Matt’s deal?

He knew Alex hated him. That might have more to do with their father than anything else. Joshua Donovan was always more of a specter than a man, and when Blair was younger, Alex’s dad seemed so intimidating with his large build and aloof nature. Alex complained about him occasionally, his voice always tinged with an uncharacteristic bitterness, but it was usually only ever shallow stuff.

Matt seemed okay, at least, as much as Alex seemed to despise him. It always struck Blair how strangely world-weary and responsible Matt could be, especially compared to the hurricane that was Alex Donovan in comparison. Still, Blair always took his side in whatever tensions existed.

But now, this was the closest he’d gotten to Alex in weeks.

Matt: Look
Matt: I know Alex is giving you a hard time and I’m not going to ask what happened because I’m sure you won’t tell me anyway
Matt: But I still think you should show up to the airport just to give him some support. He’s not going to like being left alone and it’ll give you guys a chance to talk
Blair: Idk I don’t think he wants that rn
Matt: Look
Matt: Alex is complicated
Matt: I don’t mean that to talk shit, I just mean he deals with things differently than everyone else. It’s hard to explain. He just processes things in a way that you and I can’t really understand. Even if he tried to be logical and calm about certain things it just won’t be easy for him.
Matt: I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense. He just hasn’t had many good role models growing up. It’s not really his fault at all and it doesn’t mean he genuinely hates you. Trust me. I’d know. I’m sure you’ve heard plenty about me from him

Blair started to type but stopped himself. Probably better not get into any of that.

Matt: He’ll probably keep splitting between thinking you’re his best friend and thinking you’re his worst enemy. It could happen so easily but I mean it when I say he can’t really help it at all. It’s not going to get any easier now for him to deal with either
Matt: I know it’s a lot to ask but you do need to do things a certain way when it comes to him. You have to always be aware that even when he blows up on you and acts like this, it’s not malicious. Alex isn’t that kind of person

Matt started typing for a while and then stopped.

Blair: I know he’s not
Matt: When you grow up a lot of things tend to change. Everything gets confusing. Your brain is starting to actually develop into itself and everything about you is finally becoming clear to you

It really did feel like listening to some thirty-something teacher and not someone about to start college in a week. Alex didn’t exaggerate. Still, as embarrassing and awkward as it all was, Blair clung to every word.

Matt: But once we actually start learning more about who we are the more confusing and shitty it all feels
Matt: Even now I still feel weird about it and I’m about to go to college already
Matt: But learning about yourself is always a difficult journey. As I know it’s been for Alex and I’m sure it’s been for you
Matt: But that’s a conversation for another day. and probably not with me. So do you think you’ll go to the airport?

Blair hardly had time to process the word soup Matt spammed. He squinted at the phone screen. Talking to Matt was already a cardinal sin in Alex’s eyes. Working with him to see Alex again? Even if it seemed like it’d actually help, there was no way this could go well.

But he needed to see him.

Blair: I guess so
Blair: He’s just going to get pissed though
Matt: Knowing him he’ll be just as mad if you don’t show up. Might as well come anyway

Whatever that meant. Blair texted a quick thanks before setting his phone aside, praying Matt wouldn’t try to drag that weird conversation any further. It seemed everyone else knew something he didn’t, but he knew he never wanted to learn whatever it was.

ALEX

“I just know you’re going to love New York,” Lindsay went on as though they weren’t in the middle of a crowded, miserable airport full of irritated and desperate passersby. “I really miss it. It’s beautiful. You’re going to thrive there.”

Alex yawned. God, nobody cares about New York. If he had to keep hearing about that pathetic excuse for a state, he’d hurl on some poor traveler’s Gucci luggage.

“You’ll have to send me a list of what to do,” Matt said, being a kiss ass as per usual. “I’ve got the Hall of Science in mind. But that was Naomi’s idea. She just wants to drag me around to do all the tourism stuff once we get there.”

“Times Square is a good place to start.” Lindsay smiled and shrugged. “Really, I don’t know if you’ll like the touristy stuff. But the good thing about the city is that there’s something for everyone there.”

“Like the giant rats,” Alex said.

Matt did a good job of acting like he couldn’t hear him. “As soon as I figure out the subway system, I think I’ll be happy enough.”

“They outnumber humans over there,” Alex continued. “You’ll finally reunite with your people.”

Lindsay did her strange half-smile thing, like she wasn’t sure whether she was allowed to laugh at Alex’s jokes or not. Matt just rolled his eyes and turned away, searching the crowd. He kept doing that a lot, even though Joshua was clearly only a few feet away.

Bored, Alex started up again. “And the crack-”

“We get it,” Matt said.

Alex gave him a wry smile, but even riling him up achieved nothing at this point. Nothing he said ever shocked Lindsay enough into silence, and for whatever reason, Matt seemed to be handling the insults fairly well for once. Those two were content to have the lamest small talk over the most overrated city in the world. Of course they’d somehow find a way to bond over the damn location.

Maybe Dom would’ve been decent company after all. It just didn’t seem like a good idea at the time. Unlike Blair, Dom never caught on to Alex’s bad moods, which meant he usually ended up doing or saying something that’d just annoy him even further. Alex was not in the mood to deal with that today.

At least now, the name Blair could pop into mind without being followed by a hellish storm of non-stop thoughts. He wasn’t even sure what he felt, except for some reason, it reminded him of the hangover he’d gotten after the party. Bleary-eyed, with a stomach ache that wouldn’t go away, and the sense that something probably went wrong at some point but he was too dizzy to think about it any further.

Blair, Blair, Blair. It was all his mind gravitated to these days. He got the distance he wanted. He’d literally craved it. And now that he had it, a part of him suddenly decided to reach and dig its nails into Blair’s skin to try and drag him back into every other thought.

It doesn’t matter. I still love him. That’d go away eventually. I need him here. I can’t stop thinking about him. Once school started, there’d be other things to focus on. I’ve known him for half my life. There’s nobody else. I don’t want anybody else. There were plenty of people to meet.

I’m going to vomit.

Joshua reemerged from the sea of faces, no less unfamiliar than any other stranger. “Told you, didn’t I? It’s best to show up a few hours early. Look at this crowd. If we came here any later we wouldn’t have time for lunch together.”

“Still too early,” Matt said. Never fighting words. Just banter. It wasn’t like when Alex wanted to disagree.

“You’ll be thanking me one day. TSA is going to be a hellhole.” Joshua looked at Matt for a moment, his usual coldness melting away to a softer expression. “It’s not too late to book a ticket to go with you, y’know.”

“It’s okay, Dad.”

“I can help you move in. Just a couple days…”

“It’s fine. Really.” Matt was starting to look a little annoyingly sappy, too. Alex bit his tongue hard enough for it to bleed. “It’ll be much harder if you go. You’ll have to get a hotel and everything set up… I’ve got Naomi to help, anyway.”

That look never left Joshua’s eyes. His expression seemed mostly stony, but even a random person would be able to decipher the mess of emotion in there. Pride, love, sadness. Loss.

Now he wanted to act like he knew loss.

“Damn, it all went by so fast,” Joshua said, huffing to hide his sudden vulnerability. He pulled Matt closer, patting him on the back, all rigid from the force of hiding everything he felt. Matt seemed to understand, holding him closer with the gentleness you’d expect from a parent comforting the child instead of the other way around.

Lindsay smiled at the sight. Alex had to turn away. It made his whole body go utterly, terribly cold.

It didn’t matter. He didn’t want any of that. If Joshua ever tried to hug him, he’d just recoil. That was barely his father in any way other than name. And Matt was hardly his brother. He shouldn’t even be here to begin with.

Finally, they pulled away.

“I’m not going into TSA anytime soon,” Matt said. “You guys should grab a seat at one of the restaurants around here. I wanna talk to Alex for a bit."

As though remembering he existed, Joshua glanced at Alex, but didn’t acknowledge him any further. “All right. We’ll try out that Mexican place we saw by the entrance.”

Great. Alex seethed while waiting for the adults to walk out of earshot. He really couldn’t catch a break, could he? Matt seemed to be on a roll with his faux philosophies these days. As if he had any wisdom to spare.

“I want to eat,” Alex said.

“Just give it a second.” Matt didn’t sound annoyed for once. He kept glancing around, which started to get a little too suspicious. “How are you doing?”

“I can’t wait for you to leave.”

“I got that.”

Alex stretched and sighed. “And… Yeah. That’s pretty much it. I can turn your bedroom into my own personal art studio.”

“You don’t do any art.”

“Well, your presence in the house just ruined my artistic potential,” Alex said. “You blocked my chakras. But now that you’re gone, I can get back in touch with my feminine energy and create some beautiful masterpieces of cryptids reimagined as cartoon characters.”

“At least you’re driven,” Matt said, clearly not paying attention. He suddenly seemed more alert and placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “I’m not going to give you the talk again.”

“I already know what storks are.”

“I mean it, Alex.” Matt sighed. “Please just think about all the shit I’ve been trying to tell you these past few weeks. Starting high school isn’t easy. I don’t want you to do it alone, or feel like you have to do it alone just because you’ve been going through certain things lately. You know what I mean?”

“No, I don’t know what you mean because you keep speaking in fucking riddles.”

“You do know what I mean,” Matt said firmly.

“Then why’d you ask?!”

“Just give him a chance, all right? He’s only here because he knows you need the support.” As Matt droned on, Alex felt his body go cold all over again, only there was a strange thrill to it this time. “And there’s too much security around for you to act like your usual self, so don’t even think about it-”

Alex whipped around, twisting away from Matt’s hand. And there he was. Approaching slowly, almost as though he were just as ready for an attack as Matt seemed to be.

“Oh my God,” was all Alex could say. Blair looked stoic, but Alex knew not to trust that expression as being remotely real. “Seriously?”

“Alex-”

Harrie lingered not too far behind Blair, and she seemed more uncomfortable than any of them. It was the only reason Alex decided not to snap. As much as he hated Blair at that moment, Harrie didn’t deserve to be made a part of any of this.

“I…” Alex just scowled but let the tension ease from his body. He could be civil. “I don’t understand why we have to do a whole thing just because you’re going to New York.”

Matt ignored him in favor of paying attention to Blair and Harrie instead. While he greeted Harrie in his usual formal way, Alex put in a lot of effort to look as apathetic about Blair’s presence as possible. He hoped the effort was worth it.

“My dad got us all a table at one of the restaurants here,” Matt was telling them. Alex could feel Blair’s eyes on him, but he refused to look his way. “Lindsay’s been so desperate to meet you, by the way. She’s pretty excited…”

Starting to lead the way, Matt glanced over his shoulder to give Alex a reprimanding look. When Alex looked back just to glare at him, he accidentally made eye contact with Blair. And what a sad, kicked dog look that was.

“What are you doing here?” he hissed.

Blair winced, like the tone genuinely hurt him. Good. Not good. He hated seeing him like this. But it was deserved. And it was still unfair.

“That was the plan, wasn’t it? Harrie and I…”

“That was weeks ago. Before you pulled that shit at the party.” At least he had that to hold on to.

“I know.” With that sad little face, Blair looked like he wanted to say something more, but he just kept watching Alex as they followed Matt. “Are you doing okay, though?”

“Don’t ask me that.”

It came out too wounded, judging by the concerned look on Blair’s face. Alex hated how easy it was for people to read him sometimes. Especially Blair.

Harrie glanced back at them. Her concern was obvious even as she gave Alex a fairly convincing, gentle smile.

God. This couldn’t get any worse, could it? Trapped in the airport with his family, watching everyone fawn over Matt like always, and now his ex–friend had to be a part of it, too. Ex-friend? The term rolled around in his mind, refusing to settle.

Matt had to be one of the worst things to happen in his life. Well, maybe not among the actual worst, but at least top twenty.

“I don’t even know why you’re here. Just don’t talk to me, okay? It’s already hard enough as it is,” Alex said through gritted teeth. “I don’t even get - Is this some kind of revenge thing?”

“What? No!” A couple they had to push past turned to stare at them. Blair lowered his voice. “I just wanted to see you.”

Heat crawled up Alex’s neck and across his cheeks. With as much vitriol as he could muster, he replied, “I don’t care. I obviously didn’t want to see you.”

They made it to the table. The first thing Alex noticed was the stark lack of surprise on Joshua’s face. So Matt had made it known to everyone except Alex, yet another shocking moment of the day. As Joshua stood up to greet Harrie in his typical chivalrous yet gruff way, Alex made sure to sit at the chair farthest from him and Lindsay.

Blair immediately sat beside him.

“Harriet, right? So great to finally meet you guys,” Lindsay was already gushing to Harrie. “I’ve heard so many stories. Great stories, I mean. There isn’t a single Alex story that doesn’t have Blair in it. I think it’s so incredibly sweet that you take care of Alex as much as you do.”

Alex turned to give Matt the coldest look he could. As always, Matt ignored him. Even with all the awkwardness, at least, Harrie managed to put up a good front.

“Alex is easy, really. As long as I keep the pantry stocked with Fritos and order him an occasional pizza, he’s all good. Blair’s the real problem here,” Harrie teased, patting Blair’s arm.

“And you,” Lindsay turned her attention to Blair now. “I heard all about you getting into Edgewood. That’s incredible! I remember the valedictorian at my school tried to apply sophomore year and couldn’t get in. And she’d won a national championship at that point, too. It’s a very hard school to get into.”

“It’s harder to get in when you’re competing against other potential athletes,” Blair said modestly. He always turned into such a polite little creep with adults. “You have a better chance of getting in if you’re interested in their less popular programs. Kind of like majors in college.”

“Still very impressive,” Joshua cut in. Alex side-eyed him. “You should be proud.”

“What college are you thinking of?” Lindsay asked, as all adults loved to.

Blair smiled modestly. “Well, it’s complicated, but Alex and I were thinking, um… UCLA.”

That set off something ugly in him. Blair had no right to talk about their past plans like any of it still applied. “I don’t have the grades for UCLA.”

“UCLA is great for athletes,” Blair said firmly. “They’ll want you for that especially. You don’t need to be valedictorian if you’re good enough for the sports they have.”

“Oh, of course,” Lindsay just kept gushing. “Alex would just thrive in UCLA. You know, I’m always telling Joshua how lucky a father he is. A computer science son and an athlete son. My father would’ve killed for that. But he had three daughters and we weren’t exactly prodigies.”

“UCLA is a top tier school.” Joshua’s gruff voice and suddenly apathetic tone started to burn a hole in Alex’s heart. “We’re talking world class athletes. And even then, you still need the grades and a perfect SAT for it.”

There it was. And he didn’t even have to say anything this time.

“That’s why I’m going to grow my hair out and live off the grid,” Alex said. “I’ve already decided on the conspiracy theories I want to chase down. Let’s just say a certain West Virginian resident is going to have a great stay in Sierra Nevada once I build a perfectly giant light bulb to draw him in.”

Lindsay did her uncomfortable smile again. “Well, I still think Alex’s got a great chance. He’s got two different sports teams to choose from. I did cheerleading in high school and there was no way I’d have been able to try another sport at the same time.”

“It’s different when you actually dedicate yourself to it,” Joshua said.

“Sending your first kid off to college already,” Harrie immediately interrupted. “Crazy. I still remember that little beach trip we took Matt on for his eleventh birthday.”

Silently, Alex glared at the table. He refused to look Blair’s way, even though he could feel the other’s stare on him. The last thing he needed right now was to see whatever lurked in Blair’s gaze.

“God, I remember that,” Matt said, laughing. Of course he’d speak up now that everyone was back to fawning over him. Defending Alex made no sense as a priority.

“It was so hard getting you to actually calm down and celebrate, though,” Harrie said. “Matt was always too focused on taking care of Blair and Alex. I think he was more stressed about them than I was. Alex kept trying to swim to the deeper part of the ocean - he was just fine, obviously, he can swim - but Matt would just freak out and pull him back to shore.”

And then Alex ended up biting him, but it was probably best not to mention that, as much as it made him smile to remember it. He heard a little amused huff from Blair, as though he’d been envisioning the same thing. That wiped the smile off his own face.

While the adults all reminisced over Matt as a child and how great and smart and amazing he’d been since birth, Alex focused on scrolling through his phone to avoid conversation. It could’ve been much worse, at least. Joshua always made it clear he found Alex as unimpressive as a faint stain on the wall, so he was used to it by now. Having an audience made it a little more depressing than usual, but he’d live.

“Is it alright if I go check out that tech store?” Blair asked Harrie.

As soon as Harrie said yes, Matt piped up, “Alex, you should go, too. You need new earphones since the cat ate through them.”

Alex held back a groan. But considering the other option was spending time with Joshua and Matt, even Blair seemed tolerable now. “Yeah, whatever.”

Without looking at Blair the entire time, Alex stood up and made a beeline for the store. He didn’t even glance behind to make sure Blair was following him, but it didn’t take long for his ex-friend to fall into step with him.

“The cat?” Blair asked after a moment.

“The cat.”

“There’s a cat now?”

“Pumpkin,” Alex mumbled.

“There’s a cat now and her name’s Pumpkin,” Blair repeated, incredulous.

“Yes, christened by a thirty-something year old woman who collects teddy bear statues.”

“A cat named Pumpkin and teddy bear statues.”

“Indeed there is, Aristotle. Do you actually need anything or are you just here to be annoying?”

Alex turned away to approach the earphones stand. Blair followed.

“Alex,” he said.

Still refusing to speak or look at him, Alex made a show of inspecting the display of earbuds. Blair didn’t say anything for a moment, but Alex already knew it was coming: the same old, tired apologies that’d been spamming his phone for days.

“You shouldn’t listen to what your dad says,” Blair said suddenly. Alex stopped running his hands across a display of headphones. “You do dedicate yourself to sports. You’re great at it. I’m not just saying that - I wouldn’t just say something to make you feel better and you know that. You were one of the best athletes in middle school. I’ve seen you play.”

Alex didn’t say anything. He pretended to focus on a pair of Beats he couldn’t possibly afford.

“And if you don’t believe me or want to listen to me, then fine. You don’t have to. Everyone else knows it. Don’t you remember Mr. Smith telling you to get in contact with a coach from his college? Even Dom’s brothers said you were the only reason your guys' team ever won a game.”

Alex’s shoulders dropped. He could feel it now, that disgusting swell of love in his chest. Or maybe it was just his ego inflating. Either way, the ice started to melt away.

“God, what do you want?” Alex said, trying to sound annoyed.

“I just wanted you to know that. That’s all.”

Unable to resist, Alex glanced at him. The look of sincerity there was all too painful and familiar. They just locked eyes for a moment before Alex forced himself to look away.

“Why do you care, anyways? I’m sure your friends are going to Harvard or something. Maybe you should join them.”

“I don’t want to go to Harvard if you’re not going to be there."

The heat in his face returned. “You’re so fucking weird, you know that? Like actually.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“It’s not even the nerd thing at this point. You’re just weird.”

More silence.

“Alex,” Blair started up again. His voice sounded even more serious now. “If you ever thought for a second that those guys at Edgewood were going to replace you, then you’re even crazier than you act.”

“Wow. Great way to make up with someone.”

“But I mean it. Look, Wes and James are great. I guess. I mean, I like them enough. But they aren’t you. It’s not the same. It could never be the same. I can’t even make the type of jokes we usually do because they just get confused. It’s like talking to side characters sometimes.”

“So is that it then?” Alex tried very, very hard not to look at him. “The jokes?”

“It’s everything,” Blair said. “I already said I don’t get why I did what I did. I can keep apologizing for that but it doesn’t change it. But I can’t even begin to explain just how much it didn’t mean I prefer them over you. Or a country club, or anything over you. You’ve been my best friend for seven years for a reason. And I don’t want that to change. It fucking sucks not seeing you every day, or talking to you every day, or… I just hate it more than anything.”

Alex fell silent. “I need Bluetooth so that bitch of a cat can’t eat it.”

“Alex.”

“I hear you, my God.”

Alex finally turned to face him. Blair’s eyes held so much in them, he couldn’t even begin to decipher any of it. A strange, stupid flurry of hope started to overtake the rest of his thoughts.

Love had to be the stupidest thing humans could experience.

“I guess you’ve suffered enough,” Alex said, trying to sound light and unbothered. “Not as much as me though, obviously. Unless I can get Pumpkin to pee in your bed somehow, then maybe we’ll finally be even.”

The relief that radiated off Blair was visceral. He smiled, a genuine smile that made Alex’s heart skip. “Alex, you have-”

“Don’t start. I’m still kind of mad, but whatever. I may be evil, but I’m not evil enough to force you to be trapped with a goth kid as your best friend for the rest of ninth grade. I already know you’re not strong enough for the Cocteau Twins or Beetlejuice the Musical marathons. Or animal bone collections.”

“Animal what now?”

Alex gave him a look of faux sympathy. “See, you’re not made for a goth friend.”

“Are you saying you want to be friends again?”

Biting the inside of his cheek to stop from smiling, Alex just shrugged a single shoulder. “Sure, whatever. If you give me your headphones.”

“Deal.” Blair rolled his eyes and smiled.

At least Alex could pride himself on not smiling, or even melting at the way Blair looked when he rolled his eyes. “And you’re going to have to back me up once we go back to the restaurant and I tell the story of how Matt cheated on all his English exams in middle school.”

“Okay, fine. But seriously, Alex, if your brother tries to kill me-”

“Matt couldn’t throw a punch to save his life,” Alex said, already hurrying out of the store and practically bouncing back to the table. “Hopefully, anyway!”