Straightening Affairs - 11. Chapter 11

Michael’s life seemed to be unfolding perfectly. With Sarah working more, he had more freedom, and with his business trips becoming frequent, he was balancing his double life effortlessly. Ryan became a near-constant presence in his life, sneaking over whenever Sarah was away, and their secret rendezvous filled him with a thrill that never seemed to dull.

After the success of the last business trip, Michael’s reputation in the firm soared. The company they had worked so hard to land signed a multi-year contract, and the team celebrated with a hefty bonus. Michael was elated—it was enough to pay off his student loans and finally lift that financial burden from his shoulders. When he shared the news with Sarah, she couldn’t have been happier.

“This is it, Michael! Everything we’ve worked for, it’s all coming together,” Sarah had said, beaming as she wrapped her arms around him.

Michael smiled back, hugging her close, though the words felt distant to him. Everything was coming together, but not in the way Sarah imagined. Michael’s professional success mirrored his private life—effortless, successful, and intoxicating. His ability to charm clients, to close deals, was only amplified by his natural charisma, which he had honed over the years. Now, he had the power to pick his own team for business trips, and without fail, Andre was always on that list.

The routine was almost too perfect. He’d fly out for work every two or three months, secure a contract, and spend his nights with Andre, indulging in their secret. At home, Ryan was always waiting, ready for their next intimate moment. Michael had mastered the art of compartmentalizing. Guilt had long faded, replaced by the sheer thrill of his dual life. He felt invincible, like a man who had figured out the game, playing both sides without consequence.

The more contracts Michael’s team won, the higher he climbed in the company. There were whispers of another promotion, more money, more recognition. His colleagues looked at him with admiration, seeing only a man who was excelling, who had everything in control. He had become the golden boy of the consultancy—untouchable.

Any doubts, any flickers of guilt that had once plagued him, were distant memories. The secret life he led with Andre and Ryan felt like an extension of his success, as if it was all part of the reward for his hard work. Sarah was none the wiser. She saw only the happy, successful partner she had always believed him to be, and with her own career picking up, they spent less time together. When they were together, Michael found it easy to keep up appearances. His charm worked just as well at home as it did in the boardroom.

But deep down, Michael was pushing closer and closer to a dangerous edge. He had come to see his life as invulnerable, unbreakable, a carefully crafted balance where he could have it all. He didn’t worry about the risks, about what would happen if the truth ever came out. The thrill, the excitement, the allure of living two lives was too intoxicating to give up.

He was flying high—like Icarus heading toward the sun, basking in the warmth of his success. But as with all things that soar too close to the sun, there was the risk of getting burned, and falling. Michael just wasn’t thinking about it.

He couldn’t see the cracks beginning to form, the small details that would eventually come back to haunt him. For now, he was riding the wave of his success, certain that nothing could touch him. He was having the time of his life.

But just as the sun blinds those who fly too close, Michael was blind to the consequences lurking just around the corner.

Later that evening, at home, Sarah dropped a bombshell.

“Michael, I think I’m ready. I want to have a baby. I want to have children,” Sarah said with an honesty that hit him harder than the secret life he had been quietly hiding with Ryan.

Michael sat there, his body stiffening under Sarah’s gentle touch. Her words echoed in his mind, louder and louder—children. The idea had been far from his thoughts for so long, buried under the weight of everything else he had going on. The life he was living, the secrets he was keeping—it had all pushed the notion of starting a family to the back of his mind.

But now Sarah was ready. And she was serious.

As Sarah’s hand moved over him, he forced himself to stay composed. On the surface, he was still her Michael—the loving, supportive partner who had been by her side for years. But inside, panic gripped him. Children meant responsibility, permanence. It meant a new level of commitment to the life he had been pretending to live, the life where everything was perfectly normal.

Sarah's words—sweet, hopeful—pulled him back to the conversation.

“I know what the doctor said,” Sarah continued, her voice soft as she trailed her hand over him, “but they didn’t say it was impossible. And even if it takes a while, it’ll be fun trying, don’t you think?” She giggled again, that infectious laugh that Michael had always loved, but that laugh that now filled him with dread.

Michael felt a wave of nausea rise within him, guilt mingling with fear. How could he let this go further? How could he even consider bringing children into this twisted mess of a life he was living? How could he father a child when he was so tangled up in his double life, sneaking off to be with Ryan whenever Sarah wasn’t around, sleeping with Andre on his business trips?

But he couldn’t show any of that. He couldn’t let Sarah see the turmoil inside him. If she ever suspected something was wrong, she would start asking questions, and he knew that no matter how clever he thought he was, eventually, the truth would come out. But she’d never suspect this. She might think he was having an affair, yes, but with another woman, not another man. And the thought of that terrified him more than anything.

“Are you sure, sweetie?” Michael said, forcing his voice to sound calm. “I mean, your career is really taking off, and I’m away so much. Do you think it’s the right time?”

Sarah’s eyes lit up, her excitement barely contained. “Of course it is! My mom’s in town, and she said she would help out. And I can take maternity leave; my company’s great about that. It’ll be just like I’m still working, only with our little one to take care of.”

Michael swallowed hard, his mind racing. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, the reality of what she was asking sinking deeper with every word. Children. A family. Everything they had once talked about, back when things were simpler, when he wasn’t living a lie.

Could he really go through with this? Could he keep up the facade while raising a child, while continuing his secret life with Ryan and Andre? He had managed to juggle things so far, but this would be different. This would change everything.

Children meant no more meetings with Ryan. No more business trips with Andre. It meant being home, being present, being the father Sarah believed he could be. But Michael knew that was a lie, too. He was already so far gone from the life he and Sarah had planned together that the idea of being a father—a real, committed father—felt impossible.

But Sarah’s excitement was so genuine, so pure, that he couldn’t bring himself to shatter it.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice tight. “You’re right. I guess… I guess we could try.”

He felt Sarah’s face light up against his shoulder, her joy radiating as she kissed him softly on the cheek. “Thank you, Michael,” she whispered. “I know it’ll be perfect.”

But as she held him close, Michael’s mind spiraled. What had he just agreed to? How long could he keep lying? And more importantly, how much longer could he keep living this double life before everything fell apart?

Sarah continued talking, about baby names and nursery ideas, her voice bubbling with happiness. But Michael barely heard her. His mind was stuck on a single thought—how could he have children with a woman he was no longer truly present with, while his heart and desires were split between two other men?

The perfect life Sarah imagined was crumbling at its foundation, and Michael knew, deep down, that sooner or later, everything would collapse. The only question was, how long could he hold it all together before it did?

Over the weekend, Sarah went out with her mom and sister to get ideas for the nursery. As soon as she left, Michael quickly texted Ryan to come over.

Within an hour, Ryan was at Michael's house.

"Hey Mike... what's up? You sounded urgent," Ryan said, closing the door behind him and quickly giving Michael a kiss.

"Yeah, it is," Michael replied, tension clear in his voice. "Ryan, I'm in trouble, and I don’t know what to do."

Ryan leaned against the counter, concerned. "What's up? Did she find out about us? Or… about you being gay?"

Michael shook his head. "No, nothing like that. It's worse… she wants kids."

Ryan's expression shifted. He knew exactly what that meant.

"But the doctor said—" Ryan began. This threw a wrench in his plans. He'd have to talk to Michael's mom, and soon.

"Yes, I know," Michael replied, clearly distressed. "I asked the same thing, and she said, 'Well, we’ll have fun trying.' I don’t know how to handle this, Ryan. I don’t want kids—how can I bring them into all of this?"

“Just go with it, when she doesn’t get pregnant, she’ll give up” said Ryan.

"Yeah, but that doesn’t make this easier. I’m the one who has to keep trying. Do you know how hard it is for me? I’m always thinking about you when we’re together."

Ryan gave a playful grin. "Well, that explains a lot."

"Ryan, this isn’t a joke. What am I supposed to do?"

Ryan could tell Michael was genuinely struggling, so he softened his tone. "Look, I get it. You’ve got a couple of options: either you come clean before things get even more complicated, or you go through with it and we just keep… well, our meet and greets going."

"Ryan, this is serious."

"I know. I’m sorry. But can I help myself to you?" Ryan teased.

Michael hesitated. "I doubt I can even focus on that right now, and besides, I don’t know when they’ll be home. They went out to get ideas for a nursery."

Ryan raised an eyebrow. "Wow, that’s getting pretty real, Mike. I don’t envy you."

He paused, then leaned in playfully. "How about just a quick one? I promise, I’ll be fast. How can I leave on an empty stomach?"

Despite himself, Michael felt his pulse quicken at the sight of Ryan. Before he knew it, Ryan was on his knees, sliding down Michael’s pants and boxers.

Ryan looked up at him with a wicked grin. "Oh Mikey, I want these boxers. Who knows, it might be the last time I get to enjoy this, at least I can jack off with your boxers."

Michael stood there, frozen as Ryan's words hung in the air, the weight of what he had just said pressing down on him. The last time. It echoed in Michael's head. Was this the last time he could live this double life? Would the decision to have children with Sarah mean the end of everything he had built with Ryan and Andre, this shadow life he had crafted outside of his relationship? The thought terrified him.

Ryan, always so nonchalant, grinned up at him, mischief in his eyes, but Michael couldn’t shake the growing dread in his stomach. Everything was spiraling out of control, and he didn’t know how to stop it.

As Ryan pulled him closer, taking things further, Michael’s mind raced. Every touch from Ryan felt electric, but instead of the usual thrill, there was an undercurrent of panic. He was caught between two worlds—between the life he was living with Sarah and the secret life he shared with Ryan. And now, with the talk of children, it was all about to get even more complicated.

As Ryan continued, Michael’s phone buzzed on the table nearby, the screen lighting up with a message from Sarah. His heart sank. It was a simple message, just a photo of her, her mom, and her sister at the baby store, laughing and holding nursery decorations. The happiness in Sarah’s face was unmistakable. She was ready to start a family, ready to build the life they had once dreamed of. But Michael wasn’t ready. Not for that. Not for the life Sarah believed in.

Ryan glanced at the phone, catching sight of the photo. He paused, his hands still on Michael’s hips, and gave a small, knowing smile. “Looks like she’s really serious about this, huh?”

Michael said nothing, just stood there, pants around his ankles and Ryan sucking on his cock. He couldn’t do this—not anymore. The weight of everything he was hiding, everything he was running from, was finally catching up with him. But he was enjoying his time with Ryan, and with Andre, he didn’t want to give that up.

Ryan, sensing the shift in Michael, stood up and leaned against the wall. “Listen, Mike, you know I’m all for whatever makes you happy. But you can’t keep living like this, man. Sooner or later, something’s going to give.”

Michael looked at Ryan, feeling a rush of emotion—guilt, fear, and something he couldn’t quite name. He knew Ryan was right. He couldn’t keep living this double life, couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine. But how could he come clean? How could he break it all apart, especially now that Sarah was so hopeful, so eager to start a family?

“I know,” Michael said, his voice hoarse. “I know I can’t keep this up. But I don’t know how to stop.”

Ryan softened, his usual playful demeanor fading. “Then maybe it’s time to figure out what you really want, Mike. You can’t keep stringing Sarah along if you’re not all in. And… you can’t keep stringing me along either.”

“What about Nathan?” asked Michael

Ryan went back onto his knees, and between slurps, Ryan replied “What about him? Listen I’ve realized that while I love Nate, I’m in love with you Mikey. I want you. I love messing around with Nate, but it's you who I want to spend my life with, not him. Now let me finish.”

Michael’s chest tightened at the honesty in Ryan’s words. For the first time, Ryan wasn’t making a joke, wasn’t brushing it off with humor. He was telling the truth—something Michael had been avoiding for too long.

The silence in the room grew heavy, and Michael felt the full weight of his decisions pressing down on him. The life he had built with Sarah, the secrets he shared with Ryan—it was all starting to collapse under its own weight.

“I have to make a choice, don’t I?” Michael said softly, more to himself than to Ryan.

Ryan nodded, and mumbled, his mouth was full of Michaels cock and he did not want to stop again.

As the realization set in, Michael felt a pit form in his stomach. He had been running from this moment for so long, hiding behind his lies and his double life. But now, with the pressure of children looming and his secrets piling up, he knew there was no escaping it any longer.

While Ryan continued sucking on his dick, all he could think about was what would happen next. As he was getting closer to shooting his load, he focused on Ryan and started to fuck his mouth. It felt good. Better than when he had sex with Sarah.

With a sudden last push into Ryan, his balls tightened against his body and he shot his load. He could feel Ryan digging his fingers into his ass. It felt amazing. Ryan was good at what he did, he knew what he wanted and gave it to him.

He didn’t let one drop of cum fall. He managed to get it all.

"Fuck, Mike," Ryan said with a grin, his voice low and teasing. "You really let go when you're stressed. Maybe you should stay stressed more often. I'd never leave hungry." He chuckled softly, wiping Michael off before pulling his pants back up and pocketing his boxers.

As Ryan stood, he leaned in and kissed Michael deeply, his lips lingering for a moment longer than usual. "Here," Ryan murmured, brushing his lips against Michael’s ear, "have another taste." He gently pressed his tongue back into Michael’s mouth, playful yet intimate, as if trying to draw Michael back into the moment.

But Michael, still reeling from everything, barely responded. His mind was already elsewhere—caught between the moment he was sharing with Ryan and the reality of what awaited him at home with Sarah.

“Ryan, you better go,” Michael said quietly, glancing at the clock. “If you get caught here...”

Ryan sighed, a familiar look of frustration crossing his face. “Yeah, yeah—I know the drill. I hate sneaking around like this, but I get it.”

He leaned in for a quick kiss. “Text me later, OK?”

Michael nodded, though his mind was already racing with the weight of everything. After Ryan left, he stood there for a moment, staring at the door, wondering how long he could keep juggling these two worlds.

Hours later, Sarah came home, her face glowing with excitement. Her arms were filled with bags—paint samples, fabric swatches, and other trinkets for the nursery. She seemed radiant, her joy infectious. As she chatted about the plans for the room, Michael could hear the hope in her voice. The hope for their child. It struck him how real it was becoming for her. For Sarah, this was the beginning of a new chapter, the family they had once dreamed of.

But for Michael, the reality was far more complicated.

That night, Sarah was in high spirits. She initiated intimacy, eager to move forward with the life she envisioned. She kissed him softly, pulling him close, and Michael—like the dutiful partner he was expected to be—played along. He touched her the way he knew she liked, whispered the right words, but as the moments passed, his mind drifted elsewhere.

He wasn’t thinking of Sarah.

In his head, he was imagining Ryan, Andre, or the other men from his business trips. It was the only way he could keep himself in the moment, the only way he could perform. Each touch he gave her felt like a lie, a betrayal. But what choice did he have? Sarah was happy, her desire to start a family so genuine—and he couldn’t bring himself to shatter it.

As he moved with her, guilt gnawed at the edges of his mind. He knew it was wrong—pretending to be the man Sarah thought he was, while secretly living another life. But he didn’t know how to stop. Each day, the weight of his double life grew heavier, but tonight, for Sarah’s sake, he pushed it aside.

Michael had gone on yet another business trip. While he was away, Sarah, feeling the changes in her body, decided to take a pregnancy test. She had been cautious, knowing their past struggles, but when the test came back positive, she could barely contain her excitement. She booked an appointment with the doctor to confirm the result, but she couldn't wait to share the news with Michael.

Michael stared at his phone, the weight of Sarah's news settling heavily on him. Pregnant. She was actually pregnant. The one thing he had hoped wouldn't happen—the thing he had convinced himself wasn't possible—was now real. How could it happen so quickly? The doctor said it would take time. They had only had sex a few times and she was already pregnant. As he stood in the empty hotel room, the sounds of the client site’s busy city below fading into the background, he felt trapped.

He'd tried to bury the reality, to believe Ryan's casual reassurances that it would never happen. But now, Sarah was on the phone, her voice brimming with joy, the happiness of her family echoing in the background. Everyone was celebrating the future he had been desperately avoiding.

But not him.

Michael barely heard a word Sarah said after "pregnant." His thoughts swirled in chaos—what was he supposed to do now? He couldn't abandon Sarah. He couldn't abandon their child. But this wasn't the life he had imagined. The life he had been living with Ryan, Andre, and the others—the one where he could have his secret, his freedom, his escape—was crashing down around him.

He realized too late that Sarah was asking him something.

"Michael, sweetie? Are you there? Did you hear what I said?" Her voice cut through his thoughts, a thread of reality pulling him back into the moment.

"I did—" he forced a smile, even though she couldn’t see him. "I'm ecstatic! I don't know what to say. I'm so happy for you, for us." His words felt hollow, forced, but he knew he had to play the part. He had been playing it for so long, after all.

“Listen, when you get back, I booked an appointment with the obstetrician. They want to do an ultrasound. It’s still early, but they want to make sure everything is okay.”

“Yeah, of course, sweetie,” Michael replied, his stomach tightening. “I’ll take time off work, and we’ll go together.”

The conversation ended soon after, but Michael couldn’t shake the suffocating weight pressing down on him. He set the phone down on the nightstand, and the room felt even emptier than before. His thoughts buzzed, guilt and confusion wrestling with the sinking feeling in his gut.

This was it. The moment he had been dreading for so long. A child meant permanence, meant commitment, meant being there fully for Sarah—and he was nowhere near ready for that. He had buried himself so deep in his lies, in his secret life, that the thought of being a father felt impossible. The fear churned in him like a storm.

He needed an outlet. Something—anything—to release the tension that had been building up inside. Michael picked up his phone again, scrolling through the contacts in his black book. He didn’t even hesitate anymore.

He dialed Tony’s number, the familiar voice on the other end making the decision for him.

“Hey Tony, I’m free. Can you come over? Same place as last time.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in about an hour,” Tony replied, his tone casual, as if this was just another night.

Michael hung up the phone and grabbed a glass from the hotel bar, pouring himself some wine. The alcohol swirled in the glass as he stared out the window, the city’s lights twinkling in the distance. He took a long sip, trying to drown the rising panic.

For a moment, he thought about what he had just done—called Tony, booked another secret rendezvous. But the moment passed quickly. This was how he coped. It was the only way he knew how to deal with the mess he had made of his life. For now, at least, he could keep pretending.